also I am working on making some sort of main site (!)

so if you have a game / project / whatever that you'd like to throw up lemme know

you can see the wip for it here: https://www.saltworld.community/

I wrote and am writing a second book thing I got like 1080 subscribers but I still dunno if it's good or not.

Right now I just do things like post these dumbass little short stories I write up about these two characters I created.

One of which is a nihilistic/misanthropic little alien who also happens to be the progenitor of Christianity and inspiration for Jesus Christ. Except he hates most everything involved with it. So every year on Christmas Eve one of my other characters taunts him dressed as one of the three wise men with a crudely crafted nativity scene hosting a swaddled puppy dog and singing through the lyrics to Madonna's "Like A Prayer"

This is what I do for fun now...

I am growing older and older into being the walking embodiment of Billy Bob Thornton's character from "Bad Santa".

Just about a month ago I passed out standing up and fell through the door of a trailer. Woke up when I hit the ground like a natural alarm clock and the only thing that really surprised me is how I managed to open the door with my fucking face.

I had to go to Mexico and was stuck there for over two months because of Covid.

Mexican girls are really nice I got to talk to about 15 of them but the fuckin federalis wouldn't let me step off the boat and as time passed so I just flirted in my broken assed spanish to the port supervisor who was this excessively tall, attractive lady we nicknamed "Big Bird".

Ended up getting so manic the captains like: "Is there anything we can do I see your ass jittering, laughing, and not sleeping for days"

Im like: "Fuck no there is nothing you can do this Turkey's done."

So the company basically indirectly got me drunk on Mexican beer to keep me sedated. I don't even really drink.

Hurricane destroyed outer Louisiana so I got laid off but not before getting accosted by some dumb fucking redneck customs officer.

First I tried to be cordial and comply but this dude was dead set im fucking El Chapo or something so I just sat there and talked shit.

Kept talking shit

Had to go outside to do something he had to give his partner keys an this asshole was acting as my guard so I'm like:"Come on pops, ill go with you. It's not like I can run and jump over this bulwark before you put a bullet in my ass."

Then they brought a dog.

Me an the dog was buds

Cops like: CAREFUL HES A TRAINED KILLER

That dog gave no shits

When they finished I just kept talking shit

"YALL DONE!? I CAN GO ABOUT MY BUSINESS!? DIDN'T FIND ALL THAT DOPE I SHIT OUTTA THIN AIR!?"

Then I went home for a little bit and when I go home I just think about buying alotta dried goods, jewelry, survival equipment and filling a shotgun full of rocksalt because Im getting progressively more paranoid.

Dunno if it's society, personal experience, or sheer fuckin madness but it makes sense.


I meet 8 outta 10 people 85% I put my headphones in an ignore the shit outta em cus theyre fucking stupid and boring

WHO THE FUCK LET BILLY SQUIRE INTO MY HOUSE!?

First; he KICKED IN THE FRONT DOOR, then left COCAINE ALL OVER THE COFFEE TABLE, finally he did THIS!

BILLY SQUIRE YOU RASCAL YOU!

https://voca.ro/1fFALoHsyCjI

For me not having kids is a matter of personal experience, not really meeting someone I could trust to have them, the world in many different aspects just being too fucking shitty.

I had two step kids for awhile, raised my little brother like a son and I like kids and take to them really well.

I never thought I would though, for a myriad of reasons I figured that I’d be a toxic piece of shit that would inadvertently fuck up any woman, child, or animal that entered my life.

Just to the point where some of the bad and SO MUCH of it would just HAVE to come out.

It took being in that role for me to really realize that those things were lessons and actually carved me into a better person than the ones that put me there.

I would LIKE TO have kids, personally speaking I think being a dad would actually make me a better person. But for a bunch of reasons I just couldn’t put any kid through that.

My job is inherently a form of abandonment and neglect, no matter what. It’s dangerous and you’re always gone. To walk away would put me in a predicament of effectively providing and to keep it would mean id damage those people.

Even if, it’s still not really enough to provide for a family. For a mother to be able to let go of a career to raise kids because I just wouldn’t be there.

Then you’ve got the state of the world, instability, bleak future concerning the state of the environment itself, the fucking cost of living, education, housing, Medicaid.

Like, I was raised in a relatively poor family where my actual childhood itself was undermined by the pressures of just GETTING BY. Not having shit, not being shit. The dysfunctional tendencies of my parents from the pressures of being dumb fucking idiots who shouldn’t have had kids because they were too fucked up themselves and it was a very shortsighted decision they later regretted and this was a constant reminder in everything they did concerning their kids.

It straight fucked up every single one

And while I’m not saying WOE IS ME! I’m definitely not, I’m over it. And I think id fucking die before ever becoming that. It’s an easy path to fall into even if you do everything in your power not to, it’s far far too easy.

It’s a profound problem within the state of our generation and it’s only even worse now.

So, I’m not saying id NEVER have kids. Because I kind of already have a few times. I’m saying for me to consciously take on that task it’d take far more than I know I’m capable of or may ever be. And it’s not my fault, psychologically and patriarchally I could but economically and socially I just couldn’t. Life doesn’t allow it.

It’s new ground they’re really just starting to legitimately take seriously and explore; though like ketamine treatments have been used for years to treat depression. Ayahuasca which is a form of DMT for a range of traumatic psychologically damaging experiences, addictions, and neurological disorders.

They just released a new study saying MDMA helps to stimulate I think it’s brain synapses growth that usually only really occurs in children. Psilocybin which is used to treat cluster headaches kind of like CBD for kids with seizures. Psilocybin and LSD helps with coming to terms with trauma and death too.

I’m not saying it’s a sure fire thing, it definitely isn’t. The human mind is a very powerful tool as well as a weapon for self destruction. Usually for these things new users use a “sitter” whose more experienced and can help direct the mood or flow of the experience.

People just fuck me up though, I can be around them but I start to psychoanalyze them and read into shit on a deeper level and it’s kinda hard to pull myself out of it so I just learned by throwing myself into it and “winging it”.

Like, for me at least there are certain principles I always abide by and I don’t have too much trouble.

It’s a hard thing to really “learn” just by hearing though. It’s good advice but it’s like anything else you’ve got to experience it to truly understand the context.

For instance: Never fight a trip. Never ever ever fight it. It’s like getting into a fight with Godzilla, you will lose every single damn time and even the struggle itself will be used against you.

Just got to ride it like a wave, even the dark places but I find you only go there more frequently when you struggle or gotta lotta unresolved trauma.

Like, it’s all your conscious and subconscious showing you things. It’s not really religious or profound in the sense that you’re experiencing the otherworldly as much as you’re experiencing the full force of your own mind.

So more often than not the things you see, or feel, or experience are of some gravity to you.

Like for instance being raised as a devout catholic throughout your childhood then turning off to religion and then tripping and experiencing the Virgin Mary and the birth of Christ.

It’s not god talking to you as much as that aspect of your life and those earlier experiences manifesting throughout your mind. Helping come to terms to it or what it means to you.

It’s really really interesting. Tiring after awhile though.

One thing I always wanted to do was fucking peyote or mescaline and walk through the desert.

To me drugs are like an assistance, a tool set. Colors for painting a canvas in a way.

Of course in some ways they’re a facet of seeking a state of rest or normalcy I can’t really attain on my own like most people physiologically or mentally. In others they amplify that heightened state I naturally get into. Like NOZ on a race car.

Psychedelics and hallucinogenics cause the state of “epiphany” or creativity to be amplified as well which is why it gets tiring.

It’s weird, It’s literally like I am almost if not always high and I use narcotics to redirect the flow if I want or need to.

I personally don’t really have a problem with it but yeah the legality is a bunch of bullshit so is the stigma. I figure in a few years it won’t be that much of a thing. Maybe a decade or so and modern medicine will have a better grasp on it.

I actually agree 100% with the spiritual and supernatural being an important facet to life.

I read a quote recently by Alastair Crowley where he states that: “Magick is the bridge between religion and science”

And though Crowley’s kind of a nut I completely agree with it. I’ve had a lot of those really heavy kind of spiritual hallucinogenic trips to the extent that now my brain kind of does it all on its own a lot.

I don’t know why but I really reflect on the nature of existence, consciousness, shared experiences and all those things that you really can’t wholly strip away by science alone.

I mean you can, you always can in a certain way but in others you cannot.

I read alot much, much later about a kind of philosophical theology called “pantheism” which I know I’ve talked about this before but I really really like it.

It’s the belief that the universe itself, all the forces within it, all matter living and not is the personification of “god”.

It is god, it’s all god. We are god, the earth, the wind, the sea. It’s all divinity.

It’s really a kind of basic truth. That everything within the universe impacts everything else in a way. All components to a larger kind of underlying subconscious. Kind of like how certain aspects of botany describes plants as having a sort of “consciousness”.

Stimuli to external influences and the environment

And in a way, everything does this. Absolutely everything.

If I reach, pick up a pen and then drop it atop a table I have irrevocably changed the course of reality as we know it.

A “god-like” act.

It’s really really cool and a really versatile discipline, IMO it’s kind of a literal representation of the psychedelic experience and that feeling of shared consciousness, connectedness, oneness.

Of course the pen itself is a static object, it’s not alive but it can and has been constructed or influenced by those that have.

A lot of different scientists have prescribed to it and personally I see it as the next step to both religion and atheism because in a way it’s both.

Like, I can; and have talked to many many people and described to them what I believe in and why I believe in it and they ALWAYS accept it. Because it’s also an inherent facet of their own beliefs.

I do lots of different things and kind of “feel it”

I mean one of them obviously is by taking a shit ton of drugs but other things too. Like watching animals interact with their environments or like I mentioned earlier watching an urban environment in contrast or harmony with nature.

Listening to music and watching the sea is a big one too. Really nature in general. It’s like the environment moves in different ways to the rhythm of the music.

Of course this is all perception but that’s kind of the beauty in it.

I mentioned something in the “Whats on your mind” topic about taking ALOT of LSD and being at a house party full of people all on goddamned LSD then walking around and being fed these segments of conversations and utterances that really made me feel like the drug itself was this kind of higher consciousness worming it’s way through people and causing them to unveil truths they normally wouldn’t. Exposing themselves. Like a kind of spiritual virus just infecting person to person to person and how it freaked me the fuck out. Like I was the only person still acutely aware of it.

To me, those kinds of things are “supernatural”. A lot of human and animal behavior in the same way and how people believe or do the shit they do or how they can be easily influenced.

Even if it’s just stupid little things like making someone laugh or have an emotional response. It’s telling, important I think. All these connections and how they function.

That’s part of the reason why I started writing. I write or describe pantheistic beliefs all throughout but in an indirect way. And I tried to string together all these different themes, topics, humor and entertainment to flex that influence.

It’s like a working social experiment in a way and the more I write and get a reaction out of people it’s like a working proof of concept for me.

Seeing if the things that commonly draw or speak to people combined with those that speak to me have an influential impact or not.

For instance one of the new stories is gonna be called “The Ballad of Jorg”

It’s a love story but a very unconventional one. Jorg is dealing with a certain recent traumatic experience, wandering around the streets of New Orleans getting shitty on his crystals when he comes across another kind of alien.

Her names “Maria”, I think that’s what I’ve settled on. And as he’s wandering this city going on an everlasting binge I paint the atmosphere and the mood with the song “Super Stupid” by Funkadelic

Which is so fucking perfect for this character

So he’s smashing these crystals on a bar top with a shot glass in a drug induced haze while the song echoes and reverberates throughout his mind.

His head spinning in circles and his eyes squinted

Lyrics: SUPER STUPID BOUGHT A NICKEL BAG!
THOUGHT IT WAS COKE, BUT IT WAS SKAG!
SUPER STUPID DID A ONE AND ONE!
THEN HIS EYES BEGAN TO WATER, HIS NOSE BEGAN TO RUN!
OH! SUPER STUPID WITH YOUR UPS AND DOWNS
YOUR MAGGOT BRAIN, YOuR GRINS AND FROWNS!
SUPER STUPID YOU'RE HERE TODAY
YOU'VE LOST THE FIGHT AND THE WINNER IS FEAR!

Jorg: Did-did-did did-um
Did-did-did did-um

*Jorg bobs his head from side to side

Jorg: Did-did-did did-um
Did-did-did did-um!

Bar patron: What….what the hell is that little alien doing!?

Bartender: I..I have no fucking clue…

He meets and falls in love with Maria, who is a Muse. A type of ancient alien with an evolutionary camouflage. She appears to any that see her as their deepest desire.

When I thought up the character I kind of wanted to encapsulate a kind of flamboyantly overcharacterized experience of a beautiful and charismatic young woman.

Someone thoroughly damaged by possessiveness and the kind of objectification that comes with it.

She’s pissy, fed up, has no patience and DONT NEED NO MAN TO TAKE CARE OF HER

She’s a little fucking firecracker and she’s funny but Jorg is completely enthralled by her and all her dysfunction.

I also started doing this thing I call shorts, or one offs.

They are little, self sustained stories involving my characters that you don’t really HAVE to read the whole book to get. Yet if you do or really either way it helps add character depth.

I did one on Jorg watching too much “Batman” and posing as an irreverent vigilante we know as “The Mothman”

It’s called: “He’s the Moffman, Boogie-Woogie!”

Another one about the infamous WOW! signal actually being Jorg playing with Alphas audio emitter and dancing to the tune of ABBAS “dancing queen”

And a more recent one about Maria’s experiences with humanity throughout time.

From being sought and fought over as “Helen of Troy” to being the inspiration for the Mona Lisa by da Vinci who Maria calls: “A fuckin’ narcissist, to being tried as a witch in Salem.

It’s all written to the song “So fast, So maybe” by K Flay and it’s sooooooo, soooo good and fucking funny to me.

Like; Alpha is a sneering kinda condescending intellectual I loosely modeled after early/mid 2000s nerd hipsters.

But instead of him being a video game or music niche supremacist all of that condescension and ire is aimed at misanthropy

Jorg is pretty much a characterization of my own mania. Like if I could take it all and put it into a singular person.

He’s crazy, impulsive, nonsensical, energetic and childlike but has an underlying kind of genius or clairvoyance.

Throughout the story Jorg kind of breaches the 4th wall in that he will do or say things in a humorous/spontaneous kind of context that directly foretells or describes unfolding events.

I really like Jorg. I like them both but he’s my favorite.

Alpha has this kind of bitter and jaded yet ignorant pretentiousness and he’s very funny, I also use him to SAY THINGS or speak profundities within the context of the story.

But Jorg…Jorg is special.

I really like what I’ve done with them. It’s kind of ruining some of the ending but I used a lot of ancient aliens conspiracy theories to tell the story and create this historical timeline of these aliens.

Jorg is actually also known as “The Prophet Moses” because he and alpha inadvertently freed the Jews after running across them and deciding that the Egyptians were “fucking fascists” then upending their whole society because “Jorg hates slavery”

You find out that Roswell was the result of an extraterrestrial DWI incident involving Jorg and his space ship

That Terrance McKenna actually met with Jorg by happenstance in an indigenous peoples longhouse in the Amazon and took “the trip of his life” after inhaling some of Jorg’s exocrystals thus becoming the legendary psychonaught and botanist

That Jorg caused the European “Dark Ages” after running out of his crystals and then getting sexually assaulted by a heavily intoxicated Viking berserker and summarily “losing his shit”

And all throughout these stories I paint alpha as this incredibly bitter and Jaded, hate filled ancient alien.

Yet there are other things; you find out he really isn’t ALL that bad. That he’s actually a very impassioned kind of socially progressive revolutionary.

And that he and Jorg have had this kind of unrequited relationship with humanity; that it’s more of a product of inner turmoil, trauma, disappointment, personal responsibility and failures than outright HATE that makes them the way they are.

You find out at the end that Alpha during the height of his heartfelt humanitarianism actually served as the inspirations and teachings behind Jesus Christ and Christianity.

But in a more realistic sense; with all the divinity and dogma kind of gutted out. He was just trying to enlighten and uplift humanity and that inevitably spiraled into a “sick shit little cult”

So this story unfolds in layers and layers; I introduce more characters.

Parodies of different historical or cult figures. Few different alien characters. Jorg’s dog; a genetically engineered pit bull puppy named Alf which is like my second favorite character.

As the first book unfolds Alf is really presented as an average puppy. But as it goes and goes he ends up being put through the “death of the ego” by unfolding events. A kind of forced spirit quest.

I use Alf to kind of articulate and personify the shared altruistic nature between dogs and humans. Now, in the story; he’s still a dog but he has a certain level of heightened awareness and I think I figured out a way to articulate that pretty well.

With Alf I kind of tried to epitomize the “path of the hero” or of a messianic figure. Alf witnesses and feels first hand the gravity and importance of his own nature, his evolutionary path.

Then he decides it is his “responsibility” to foster and protect that nature. To serve humanity and in turn serve himself. It’s his “religion” in a way.

And afterwards, after these stories unfold Alf has his own kind of ambition, drive, and perception that the other characters don’t fully see. He’s a little fucking hero.

But in a puppy dog kind of way.

I really, really like it. Everyone that’s read it has liked it so far.

It’s stupid and fun but it’s SUPPOSED to be. And I talk about lots of different things in a indirect, anthropomorphized and fun kinda way.

I finished a whole books worth so far. Like; it’s a series of five interlaced and layered stories that are written like compounded short stories.

It’s all finished and I really like it, usually I’m like you and criticize the fuck outta what I write but I tried to articulate in a different kinda way and I really like it.

I started another book and finished the first story. I built up Alf’s narrative a lot in it, it’s really good I think and as I go on I’m gonna do the same with each character throughout.

You're too kind - it started as very serious baroque scifi, then I lost confidence after a couple of sentences and started joking. If it's readable as a serious story I'll take another crack at it. Thanks for the response. HEAR THAT HARPEN COLLINS?

Mope, Alpha needs one of those shirts that says "You laugh at me because I'm different. I'm laugh at you because you're all the same." but with a three-eyed smiley face. Captain Kirk would've cowboyed his ass. He was lucky to meet the comparatively inexperienced Valentina.

He actually wears a fedora, an overcoat, and one of those gimmicky t-shirts that says “I’m with stupid” accompanied by an arrow that points towards the nearest human that he and Jorg stole outta donation bins at a goodwill.

Jorg wears a pair of orange coveralls, a bandanna, and a pair of air Jordan’s that help him “Jump really, really high and catch that fadeaway so he can play bball like Stephen Curry”

And what’s REALLY REALLY FUNNY

Is that I cannot, for the life of me reconcile these as untruths or falsities.

And when I am put into being hypomanic I cannot simply “not give a shit” like most people can.

It’s a kind of very heavy and relentless thing. It’s like having a little symbiote in your head that feeds off of information, reflects upon it, then tosses it back into your head in a very creative manner.

It’s kind of like watching a constant stream of mtv infused cspan but the bullshit is intentionally humorous and way less opinionated politics.

Part of me is like a donkey being dragged along a highway, the other is a malevolent little jackassed demon that’s like: GET IT GET IT GO! GO! GO!

I turn into one of those star wars robots that’s gone too long without a memory wipe

It’s a kind of grey area

Because I do not get the benefits of being completely insane and yet others I am distinctly not.

And I’ve talked to therapists, Drs, psychologists, psychiatrists

Been like: IM FUCKING CRAZY

Them: Nothing you have said sounds crazy

Me: I AM FUCKING CRAZY, OR THE WORLD IS DRIVING ME CRAZY, OR BOTH!

And then they give me mood stabilizers which do not phase me whatsoever

I don’t think I’m legitimately crazy, I think I see things that other people conventionally do not. I think I’m very perceptive and creative. I think in many ways it has been very enlightening and beneficial to me. Yet in many others very stressful and motherfuckin annoying.

I think if I were other things it’d work out, it’d be beneficial.

But I am not and I really do not care and I don’t really want to. There is such a thing as knowing or feeling or perceiving too much.

I turn into a fucking supervillain

I just plot shit

I watch things going on and laugh maniacally because I want the same people hobo talks about to eat their own shit and I am wholly content with watching society collapse into a mad max hell’s cape in order for that to happen.

It’s not EVIL it’s not like I’m a HORRIBLE PERSON I just get in my feels for the long game.

Like, the worst thing that could possibly happen would be me falling into a shitload of money because I’d have the capital to fund all my plots and would make it my life’s mission to just fuck with pieces of shit.

I wouldn’t even care about the money itself it’d just be a really big gun for me to play with.

Then I’d just cold turkey quit medicating myself to stay relatively normal and be like: I HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY

Then I dunno what would happen, I honestly don’t. I can’t control the shit it just goes.

And yes I get what you’re saying and maybe that’s in our nature to do that. I’m not saying that’s not what I am doing.

And if you were to run comparisons to the projections of the Cold War era nuclear holocaust I would not deny them whatsoever.

I do think this point has merit and I kind of reflect upon it when I think about these things.

Also, despite as much as thinking people of logic and reason would like to rely upon it. Even science itself is an indeterminate thing. We constantly make new discoveries and projection which eclipse those that have come before. And the future is such a variable, intangible thing.

Same time though, there are so many massive changes happening. With the weather, with the atmosphere, with ecology far far more determined to begin happening very soon.

I personally see this as a constant, as something inescapable to the whims of human development or reform. It is beyond us, even through our highest expectations and ability.

At the same time though I see this as a very beautiful and necessary thing. In a fucked up kind of way. I mean, I could definitely be wrong. Wrong as shit and hopefully I am but I don’t feel that is so.

Like humanity itself is a little shitheaded child that has run amok for far too long and very foundation and walks around it are crumbling down.


I mean, I’m going to use the weather as an EXAMPLE

They’ve predicted an onslaught of potential, repetitive, cataclysmic storms for AWHILE now with an increase in climate heat index etc etc

And people basically just shrugged it off

I remember being young and living in Florida when these storms would come the kind of devastation they’d leave in their wake and how sometimes they wouldn’t

But recently, within the past five years or so they are so persistent. So frequent, so powerful.

It’s like: FWOOOM! FWOOOM! FWOOOM!

Over and over again in a kind of consistent repetition. Same goes for the wildfires, the behavior of the polar vortex in winter, sea water acidity, coastal erosion, not to mention the goddamned unbearable heat level, drought

And that all reflects on other things like the rising sea level, ancient viruses thawing out, mass extinctions.

Of course nature could ADAPT as could WE but at the rate these things are happening and the type of issues we’re dealing with now that we can’t even, or won’t overcome. I see it all coming to a head in certain ways.

Like, one begets another. That our global economy and society itself is going to suffer terribly as a culmination of all this and in order to effectively survive it, we are going to have to figure our shit out.

And to me, human behavior merits we will. Because we will be forced to. It’s just gonna be really, really painful.

I dunno. In a way I kind of personally have seen this coming and have prepared for it in my own way.

I’ve had to live hard, through dysfunction, without.

I learned the hard way that society is not something you can count on to protect you. That in a lot of ways it is counterproductive and deafening. That MOST people don’t really care or understand about the bigger, more indirect things that influence them in life. That everything gained can be lost so very easily. That connections and relationships only really last as long as they are conducive or beneficial.

I mean, generally speaking people are just fucking animals, even with the very best intent. And they’ll always react as such.

Family, friends, lovers, strangers, to a certain degree it’s all the same shit.

That a man’s future is about as concrete as his feet are firmly planted unto the earth, that we can all fall so very very easily.

If it isn’t repossession, or imprisonment, or injury, or dying and death.

Life and relative comfort are such easily lost and potentially unobtainable things.

So I kind of adapted my own lifestyle towards it. I don’t have kids because I couldn’t look them in the face and tell em the world they are living is is potentially dying and I’m leaving them that. I don’t buy a house so the fucking bank could reclaim it when I fall upon hard times. I never really pursued relationships because with what I do you are inherently hurting the person you are with.

I don’t even have a fuckin dog because I’d hurt them, I just would. You are Santa when you’re there and the fucking devil when you’re gone.

So sometimes I accrue a lot of money and others I don’t.

And this whole time I look around at the world I am living in like it’s a massive fucking dumpster fire which I wouldn’t wanna plant a flag atop of if I EVEN COULD and bare it on my own conscience.

So I just wander, like I’m already the last living man on a planet slowly falling to fucking pieces and laugh at it because that’s the best way I know how to deal with it.

Essentially speaking, to me. Even a merry family of five entrenched in a pristine house and a fuckin white picket fence are the same as a buncha desperate crackheads clinging on to their very last welfare check.

I don’t wanna feel responsible for that shit

And yes I get what you’re saying and maybe that’s in our nature to do that. I’m not saying that’s what I am doing.

And if you were to run comparisons to the projections of the Cold War era nuclear holocaust I would not deny them whatsoever.

I do think this point has merit and I kind of reflect upon it when I think about these things.

Also, despite as much as thinking people of logic and reason would like to rely upon it. Even science itself is an indeterminate thing. We constantly make new discoveries and projection which eclipse those that have come before. And the future is such a variable, intangible thing.

Same time though, there are so many massive changes happening. With the weather, with the atmosphere, with ecology far far more determined to begin happening very soon.

I personally see this as a constant, as something inescapable to the whims of human development or reform. It is beyond us, even through our highest expectations and ability.

At the same time though I see this as a very beautiful and necessary thing. In a fucked up kind of way. I mean, I could definitely be wrong. Wrong as shit and hopefully I am but I don’t feel that is so.

Like humanity itself is a little shitheaded child that has run amok for far too long and very foundation and walks around it are crumbling down.


I mean, I’m going to use the weather as an EXAMPLE

They’ve predicted an onslaught of potential, repetitive, cataclysmic storms for AWHILE now with an increase in climate heat index etc etc

And people basically just shrugged it off

I remember being young and living in Florida when these storms would come the kind of devastation they’d leave in their wake and how sometimes they wouldn’t

But recently, within the past five years or so they are so persistent. So frequent, so powerful.

It’s like: FWOOOM! FWOOOM! FWOOOM!

Over and over again in a kind of consistent repetition. Same goes for the wildfires, the behavior of the polar vortex in winter, sea water acidity, coastal erosion, not to mention the goddamned unbearable heat level, drought

And that all reflects on other things like the rising sea level, ancient viruses thawing out, mass extinctions.

Of course nature could ADAPT as could WE but at the rate these things are happening and the type of issues we’re dealing with now that we can’t even, or won’t overcome. I see it all coming to a head in certain ways.

Like, one begets another. That our global economy and society itself is going to suffer terribly as a culmination of all this and in order to effectively survive it, we are going to have to figure our shit out.

And to me, human behavior merits we will. Because we will be forced to. It’s just gonna be really, really painful.

I dunno. In a way I kind of personally have seen this coming and have prepared for it in my own way.

I’ve had to live hard, through dysfunction, without.

I learned the hard way that society is not something you can count on to protect you. That in a lot of ways it is counterproductive and deafening. That MOST people don’t really care or understand about the bigger, more indirect things that influence them in life. That everything gained can be lost so very easily. That connections and relationships only really last as long as they are conducive or beneficial.

I mean, generally speaking people are just fucking animals, even with the very best intent. And they’ll always react as such.

Family, friends, lovers, strangers, to a certain degree it’s all the same shit.

That a man’s future is about as concrete as his feet are firmly planted unto the earth, that we can all fall so very very easily.

If it isn’t repossession, or imprisonment, or injury, or dying and death.

Life and relative comfort are such easily lost and potentially unobtainable things.

So I kind of adapted my own lifestyle towards it. I don’t have kids because I couldn’t look them in the face and tell em the world they are living is is potentially dying and I’m leaving them that. I don’t buy a house so the fucking bank could reclaim it when I fall upon hard times. I never really pursued relationships because with what I do you are inherently hurting the person you are with.

I don’t even have a fuckin dog because I’d hurt them, I just would. You are Santa when you’re there and the fucking devil when you’re gone.

So sometimes I accrue a lot of money and others I don’t.

And this whole time I look around at the world I am living in like it’s a massive fucking dumpster fire which I wouldn’t wanna plant a flag atop of if I EVEN COULD and bare it on my own conscience.

So I just wander, like I’m already the last living man on a planet slowly falling to fucking pieces and laugh at it because that’s the best way I know how to deal with it.

Essentially speaking, to me. Even a merry family of five entrenched in a pristine house and a fuckin white picket fence are the same as a buncha desperate crackheads clinging on to their very last welfare check.

I don’t wanna feel responsible for that shit

All of the time with specific kinds of people and only once with a special kind of person

That kind of singularity, where you don’t have to specifically hear someone articulate their thoughts to understand them or share a connection.

With others it comes and goes, I feel it’s more about fluid communication than something that runs deeper.

Lmfao

I’d thought I found my soulmate in all honesty in a realistic sense I probably did but that also scares the ever living shit out of people.

It’s like tripping hard, or being potentially insane, I liked it. I saw the beauty in it.

I’ll ride it to the end because it is a telling experience

Others it is a scary thing

ITS CONTROL! ITS VULNERABILITY! ITS EXPOSURE!

I just laugh at that. You are never in control, life is a joke and we’re the butt end sweetheart. Try to make the best of it and enjoy it for what it is.

And yes; like I said earlier even how we wage wars has fundamentally changed

When people speak of the “New World Order”

In a way we are already kind of there in many ways. ESPECIALLY economically, to which if you really sit down and look at it essentially ties everything to everything.

US military serves as a deterrent and it has for years and years. Any legitimate conflicts are waged with poor, technologically and poorly funded militants with little to nothing to lose; directly manipulated or funded in many cases by other world powers.

It’s just economic and political suicide for these nations to wage open war; they are too intrinsically tied to one another.

I saw that EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY when I was in the Yellow Sea.

Now it’s not an IMPOSSIBILITY that things could potentially escalate but if they ever really did I’d see it happen as a symptom of necessity. Resource management, overpopulation, or a society imploding upon itself.

Which when we go back to the current state of the US. I really don’t see us falling like that. First off once the relative comforts are gone and it’s just the heavy hand of fascist regime like control so many paranoid and discontent peoples especially fucking rednecks are going to lash out.

It’s that measure of “how much do you have to lose!?”

Once that point tapers out then people with a mindset to revolt or act out will and we have seen that rather consistently in the very recent past.

And yes; these changes will not whether a theoretical reality or a real one be comfortable whatsoever

It’ll be a lotta friction, a lot of unease, a lot of pain and suffering. And yes, I know that throughout the past we have had our emboldened moments and our forgotten ones.

I do feel like; this is a little different. I do. I feel like the others were generally a sum of human relationships and behavior. I feel like I’m the present and near future; these ones are an environmental response. A cause and effect, chain of events that one will not so easily escape from or ignore.

We are definitely TRYING to do that, it’s like we’re being yolked back, everytime and forced to confront the weight of our own actions and our own decisions.

Like, putting a fundamental problem on a shelf until it becomes so heavy, so all encompassing, and so terrible that you just can’t ignore it anymore. Whether directly or indirectly speaking a struggle will come. A change will come. These hidden Easter eggs will ripen into stinky fruition.

And it will be so in one way or another until we face them for what they are or fucking die, or suffer an extensive loss that will sociologically stunt us and deafeningly so.

Yes, as Climbtree said we’ve already pretty much patented a way to simulate those kinds of sporting events or commercialize that vicarious thirst for blood.

Like…mma is actually a REALLY good example of it. Fighting sports in general but MMA itself has kind of become it’s own thing in that way.

I really like martial arts, I like watching it and it’s kind of like anything else like football or golf where once you understand the principalities of it you kind of perceive it differently.

And this is where MMA gets really interesting

I’ll watch two fighters parrying, dodging, maneuvering around one another and effectively wearing each other down or getting in really good combinations and strikes then get really, really into it.

Because they’re both very skillful and very talented and it’s a “good fight”

I don’t even really watch combat sports very often because it’s really about taking the ever living fucking advantage out of these fighters.

Promoting them then paying them a relative pittance for essentially wearing their own bodies down over time. Essentially causing injury after injury until they are worthless then dumping them like used condoms.

It’s actually a really fucked up industry and the few that “make it” do so out of branding or investing.

BUT an inexperienced, untrained, or unknowledgeable die hard spectator will watch that same fight and get frustrated because one man isn’t locking down and submitting the other or knocking them unconscious or brutalizing them.

It’s that same spirit of Roman era gladiatorial games running through and in part why MMA has been wildly successful

As a matter of fact throughout the COVID epidemic Dana White was (and could still be) looking into investing in a private Island located in international territory to host his fights.

Like some legit mortal combat or blood sport shit and the public was wholly in support of it.

Modern gladiatorial matches are essentially exactly what MMA is

And about the US and China

I actually worked spying on Chinese submarines carrying missile and nuke tech to N Korea

Currently and throughout our history with them throughout the past few decades it’s been a lot of Cold War ops you don’t hear about

Essentially military dick measuring

But since then China has established its own fuel production fields, it’s own navy and it’s own air force that can now fairly competently compete with the US

It’s actually very very interesting this kind of relationship and how it’s handled, very telling.

Me personally, I feel like after being there and watching international diplomacy with them and global trade, minor conflicts etc.

That when it comes to major power players like China and Russia that all out warfare is a kind of farcry. They fight proxy wars through 3rd parties. Have for a long time. The way we actually combat each other is through global trade. Of course these things could change with time but I really don’t see it as being beneficial to them.

If anything of that kind of avenue happened it would be through expansion. Like Thailand or the Philippines and the US or NATO having enough vested interest to personally involve themselves and it sparking legitimate conflict.

I don’t really see the Cold War era nuclear Armageddon thing being that big an aspect either. Of course we’re all certainly capable but it would be inconceivably idiotic.

Then again you hear things like Nike armed Russian high altitude bombers passing through Californian skies to test the USAF so it’s still a distinct possibility.

But a lot of it is cyber warfare, it’s trade agreements and embargo’s, it’s proxy wars like with the Ukraine

We don’t even wage war like we used to it’s all under the table air strikes and spec ops guerrilla warfare and funding militants style bullshit to contravene popular opinion or national/international repercussions and reserve deniability.

Nah, I really think if and when we fall it’ll mostly be of our own recognizance and systemic failures.  

I’ll check em out when I get the hair to do so Frisky.

I really liked “The 4 Horseman”

It’s a documentary with Noam Chomsky and a few other intellectuals that draw a lot of contrasts and comparisons with the fall of Roman civilization

It’s really really interesting

In one part; which they talk about a lot of things. Colonial overextension, economic downfall, anti intellectualism

But one of them was what Noam called, “The Age of Decadence”

Which is when they basically fell into a state of lethargy and I guess you’d call it societal vice.

The poor stayed stupid and the wealthy squandered coffers on extravagant bullshit while everything collapsed all around them. Then when they started to realize what was going on the wealthy ran diversionary tactics with constant gladiatorial matches and blood sports.


If I remember correctly there was a distinct atmosphere of: “Fuck it, let it die” because people were so jaded and bitter among other things.

But to me; like, even IF that shit happens.

Even if it’s something like the US falling so far into massive dept, dysfunction, and rampant chaos China just Invests money then essentially takes over.

I really don’t think I’d be so upset over it. I think I’d find it hilarious

Like I read an article recently about how China had developed this contingency plan to set off a massive EMP above North America essentially sending us back into the Stone Age and I was laughing

I was like: “Fuckin’ go for it, we deserve that shit. Do or die moment. That’ll force Americans to get their heads out of their asses.”

Almost like a malevolent, benign action

Like poisoning the fresh water supply in capitol hill with copious amounts of LSD

I always thought about doing that…

I get what you’re saying hobo

Definitely and I don’t really disagree with that either. I actually think we’re already going that route and have been for a long time. I just think it’ll be more akin to the British Empire over the Romans.

I think I just try to see optimism in it if I can or I feel it is potentially there. Of course nobody can really tell the future or how things will pan out.

I think we saw a lot of that parasitic (me till the last fuckin breath) behavior with the fall of the Soviet Union.

And for me; I don’t even see “elites” as some enigmatic, cabal of THEM anymore

They are ignorant, dumbass people just like everyone else. There is no grand scheme or machinations of premeditated oppression. It’s just the way things in our society were crafted and fell into place at a time when people felt these things were progressive or necessary.

If anything it’s clinging to old methods of thought and archaic systems of government and commerce. It’s people constantly deluding themselves because they are fucking lazy, apathetic, and easily led.

I mean yes; there is a lot of misinformation, misleading, brainwashing, cultivating, etc.

But even amongst all of it at some point you’ve got to kind of hold yourself accountable for feeding into the bullshit. It’s a different time. Information is out there, there are easily acquired means of educating and informing oneself, fucking going out; getting out of oneself and just asking questions in itself does wonders.

I do it all the time. I can’t really help it. Sure in some ways I am different but by all means if we’re talking environment and conditioning if that were an ultimatum I’d be a really, REALLY ignorant son of a bitch

Like; waaaaay waaaay worse

Yes it was

I remember that; wasn’t it during some big chain of incel events where these early web bloggers would act like unrepentant pieces of shit so Chef invented this whole persona to troll the shit out of them and was wildly successful?

Like….me. I see a world that is in some ways ever growing and ever evolving yet in others it is not.

In a lot of ways human beings are just fucking cattle; cattle definitely capable of MORE yet that is not a thing everyone wants or is even capable of. Rightfully so of course.

The only real problem concerning that is the prevalence and the vacuum of protections against opportunistic motherfuckers that use and abuse these people for their own means.

And when we talk about space; it is the new frontier. It is coming, it just is. That’s where those eyes are set and that’s where we are going. Not that the Earth willl be forgotten or left behind. There is no laser focus. I really think the progress in one will beget another because in many ways we will still have to.

And back to society; I do see these things changing in more subtle ways. Like; with people being like cattle they are going to inherently respond to harmful stimuli LIKE CATTLE

And I do see that a lot in various ways; if things do not change. Which as discussed, they will not. I see this happening a lot more frequently and cohesively.

Like; very recent events

They are symptomatic, they are a people’s responding to harmful stimuli. Who might not fully understand the contexts or repercussions of WHY but they do know it fucking hurts and act accordingly.

Like, it does sound pretty misanthropic and fucked up but I learned a long long time ago that time moves with a consensus.

And I really don’t think it’s PURELY a matter of lifestyle or adverse impacts or brainwashing that has made people as indifferent and unmotivated as they are.

I think it is all of those things mixed in with a lot of bullshit concessions and relative comfort.

Especially post 80s era

BUT

The world is changing; it just fucking is. With or without us. And THAT is going to be the great catalyst; THAT is going to stir shit on the farm.

Because it is a distinct reality; it is inescapable, it will be an objective truth. And it and all it’s collective circumstance are, have, and will for the foreseeable future. Scare the living fuck out of people who so, so, so, so desperately need it.