Now you tell me if this isn't the fucking best, finest written intro the fucking FINEST sci-fi epic novel you've ever heard. I worked for years on this bad boy so please don't take the piss. If you knew in what detail I've studied, concepts like  and similes, that the eggheads never seem to notice. funny that eh?

Anyway, you tell me if this isn't good, you fucking tell me. I'd love to hear it. Because those eggheads at Harpen Collins, DON'T seem to understand. How to tell a person. WHY their work isn't good enough, or up to their petty f*cking "standards"... Anyway... here's where the tale begins...

   Jane Muon leapt like a sabertooth across a blue beam. It was made of metal; everything is made of metal. The glum moonlight cracked the clouds and draped the glow of drone lights. It was in a city. Jane was insouciant because she had just pulled off the biggest heist in her dreams; wakened thought of herself asleep and went off to find a hammer. In the four corners of the district were four cops, one at each tower. They received word from an aerial aimed voice like a wild duck quacking "Jane is on the way to a crime. Get her." There was only one person named Jane.
    Jane found a hammer under a car and went down to the lower level. It had a window on one wall, the north. It was covered in bricks. As she stepped out of the elevator a vehicle crept, freezing the cyberrogue like a deer. Jane started moving again after it left. Jane walked to the north and broke a panel with her hammer. An alarm started as she threw the hammer at an eyebot at maximum cleanliness. The remaining eyebots observed as one of the cops opened a hatch in the southeastern end and jogged up the ramp on the east side, becoming even with Jane in 5 seconds. It shot a missile at her. The missile destroyed her with success. The cop spun around to the southeastern entrance where Jane respawned. She sprinted back up the stairs and jumped out a visored window, landing in a helicopter piloted by her boyfriend.
    Jane said "That was a close call." Dane Gluon said "Just in time." Jane said "I only have three lives left. I need to get some 1-ups." Dane said "I think I know where you can get some 1-ups." Jane said "Oh yeah? Where?" Dane said "The Matrix."

The entire manuscript clocks in at 180,000 pages so I'm having difficulty uploading it without my sucky internert croaking. Anyway... enjoy. If you write fanfic of my universe I'll come to your house and kill you.