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General Category => General Talk => Topic started by: Frisky SKeleton on August 11, 2009, 09:58:21 pm

Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on August 11, 2009, 09:58:21 pm
so as a lot of you know i've been eating pretty poorly or pretty weird stuff at the least and this has inevitably caused my some trouble... down town. my doctor suggested i get a colonoscopy from a private source to make sure there's nothing major wrong (i swallowed some car keys a couple months ago and they may have caused physical damage) but that'll cost around $700.

so i was wondering how hard it would be to do it myself. like surely, technology has come far enough that i could do it myself. i've got an old webcam that i've taken apart and i've also got a CMOS type camera i've taken apart, which seems like it would be more ideal but it doesn't have an LED built in. basically:
-how can i make a colon cam for cheap? (keep in mind the smaller the better). what would i need to take clear enough pictures to diagnose?
-it seems like you're not meant to eat for a while before you get one done or something (House M.D), what do i need to do in terms of prep?
-are there online proctology textbooks for diagnosis or will i have to go in and get an opinion? how much do you think it'd cost for like a consultation, considering i've done all the work myself?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Ryan on August 11, 2009, 09:59:40 pm
ugh would you stop
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on August 11, 2009, 10:08:02 pm
ryan i like your posts lately
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ATARI on August 11, 2009, 10:12:54 pm
come to my house i will do it for free

i need the practice i'm going tobe dr. colon ​ in 4 years
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Mince Wobley on August 11, 2009, 10:19:23 pm
There was a guy who did that in Vietnam so I don't see why you couldn't do that except that he was an actual doctor, just make sure it's well insulated (or it might give you a lethal shock)

In the three days before you do it you must eat only liquid food, then the night before your DIY colonoscopy you take a laxative

Also here's a colonoscope manual

http://books.google.com.br/books?id=oYeLSkZhMuYC&pg=PA7&source=gbs_toc_r&cad=4#v=onepage&q=&f=false

It might serve as inspiration for your own design
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Farren on August 11, 2009, 10:37:53 pm
I'm pretty sure you're going to need a fiber optics cable a few feet long and a lot of petroleum jelly at the least. You might also want to make sure that your anus will be able to fit the cable so I suggest sticking some things up there to start with to get it primed up.

Quote
i need the practice i'm going tobe dr. colon (Smile in 4 years

do you mean you're going to be a shitty doctor
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ATARI on August 11, 2009, 10:44:05 pm
i am not one to judge let the colons Do that :welp:
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Mince Wobley on August 11, 2009, 10:46:04 pm
This is the basic idea

(http://pub.gamingw.net/54690/diagram_3.PNG)

The arrow without any text is pointing this part

(http://pub.gamingw.net/54690/diagram2.JPG)

Also I'm not sure how to make it look up and down but a bicycle brake cable would probably work
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: big ass skelly on August 11, 2009, 10:46:10 pm
:?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Bonehead on August 11, 2009, 10:50:34 pm
If you're really serious about doing this, can you please tell us how it all fared afterwards? I've been wanting to do one of these for a while now, but don't wanna be like.. you know, the first.

As for the camera, make sure to get one that isn't totally useless when it comes to focus, cause it might get pretty blurry since stuff will get very close to it I think.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Farren on August 11, 2009, 10:59:24 pm
Quote from: Mince Wobley on August 11, 2009, 10:46:04 pm
This is the basic idea


Also I'm not sure how to make it look up and down but a bicycle brake cable would probably work


I don't know it seems way too technical to me

this is a more simplistic and economically sound way of doing it:

(http://pub.gamingw.net/48998/Untitled.jpg)


Of course with this method you're going to need someone on the other end holding the flashlight and the camera...
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Shepperd on August 11, 2009, 11:01:15 pm
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/1.bp.blogspot.com/_MB9JDOuuHX0/RrM7bqARX1I/AAAAAAAAA5E/lPdlZuu8k08/s400/sunshine.jpeg)
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Aten on August 11, 2009, 11:12:33 pm
The fun begins when the camera cable breaks and comes out but the camera is still in your anus.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ATARI on August 11, 2009, 11:14:26 pm
Quote from: Aten on August 11, 2009, 11:12:33 pm
The fun begins when the camera cable breaks and comes out but the camera is still in your anus.
yes you tend to enjoy these sorts of things
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Immakinganaccountk on August 11, 2009, 11:18:31 pm
If you use a webcam can you broadcast it?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Bonehead on August 11, 2009, 11:26:25 pm
I really like Cockveins incredibly cheap and practical idea and after a bit of pondering i managed to figure out a way to apply it with only one person.

(http://pub.gamingw.net/42509/colonoscopy.jpg)
The way to do this alone would be by simply sitting down on a tube with a flashlight and camera preferably in it already (maybe use a road cone instead of a tube if you can't fit a tube that already has to fit a flashlight and a camera in it?). I guess this would recquire alot of lubricant to reduce the friction during insertion. Remember that once an ass has broken, it will be neither easy nor cheap to get it repaired.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on August 11, 2009, 11:29:08 pm
before i build this (i'm doing something more like Mince Wobley's idea), it looks like there's going to inevitably be a knob on the end. would this be easier or harder than if the entire thing was the same thickness?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Bonehead on August 11, 2009, 11:31:28 pm
I don't think it would be much more different than getting penetrated by a dog-penis if you kept the knob.

edit
Also, you might want to ask some of the more prominent and "alternative" members of GW about analsex and how they go about before insertion because frankly, that area of expertise is beyond my skill and knowledge.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on August 11, 2009, 11:45:47 pm
uhhhhh it's going to be nowhere near penis sized
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Mince Wobley on August 11, 2009, 11:49:06 pm
Quote from: climbtree on August 11, 2009, 11:29:08 pm
before i build this (i'm doing something more like Mince Wobley's idea), it looks like there's going to inevitably be a knob on the end. would this be easier or harder than if the entire thing was the same thickness?

Harder because it might get stuck on the way out, if you keep everything within the hose and seal the void spots with epoxy resin that won't happen
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Carrion Crow on August 12, 2009, 12:01:55 am
(http://pub.gamingw.net/52348/bumscanner.PNG)
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: crone_lover720 on August 12, 2009, 12:29:47 am
Quote from: climbtree on August 11, 2009, 11:29:08 pm
before i build this (i'm doing something more like Mince Wobley's idea), it looks like there's going to inevitably be a knob on the end. would this be easier or harder than if the entire thing was the same thickness?
it doesn't matter as long as you don't have a hard edge at the knob. the main hose can be thin if the circumference of the knob graduadually decreases to the circumference of the hose (in layman's terms it needs to slope like a funnel). you can do this with duct tape or latex.

also you need to make sure to give yourself a few enemata beforehand, and you shouldn't consume anything but water.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on August 12, 2009, 12:54:24 am
yeah i'm using clear packing tape and i was just going to build up layers , i just have to be wary of sharp bits of tape.
how long should this be?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: dark_crystalis on August 12, 2009, 02:14:33 am
Why would you swallow car keys anyways?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on August 12, 2009, 02:38:22 am
so my friend couldn't drive, we'd been drinking obviously.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ATARI on August 12, 2009, 03:03:04 am
did it have a remote on it ?    can you unlock his car by punching yourself in the large intestine
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on August 12, 2009, 03:32:58 am
i never tried but the time for that has long since passed............
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Farren on August 12, 2009, 10:42:35 am
wouldn't you just shit out the keys or are they stuck somewhere
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: fatty on August 12, 2009, 03:06:31 pm
So basically what you are trying to do is shove electronics up your rectum. Hot stuff. satan commands you to kill your parents. satan commands you to kill your parents. satan commands you to kill your parents.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: dark_crystalis on August 12, 2009, 03:10:30 pm
Quote from: Coxswain on August 12, 2009, 10:42:35 am
wouldn't you just shit out the keys or are they stuck somewhere
I think the colonoscopy is mostly to check if the keys damaged anything when he did shit them out.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Evangel on August 12, 2009, 03:18:23 pm
looks like you're in the market for a dildocam (http://www.motorfun.biz/dildocam.html)
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: UPRC on August 12, 2009, 07:33:05 pm
Quote from: climbtree on August 11, 2009, 09:58:21 pm
i swallowed some car keys

I stopped reading right here.


Why... Why..... Would you swallow car keys?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ThugTears666 on August 12, 2009, 09:24:03 pm
he didnt
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ATARI on August 12, 2009, 09:59:01 pm
he did in UPRC's fantasy world
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Mateui on August 13, 2009, 01:43:30 am
Everyday I am amazed at the kind of topics I can read about in GW.
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: ase on August 13, 2009, 01:45:57 am
Mateui, can you rectummend any pharmaceuticals for climbtree to take before his self-medical-procedure?
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Mateui on August 13, 2009, 03:51:57 am
Quote from: ase on August 13, 2009, 01:45:57 am
Mateui, can you rectummend any pharmaceuticals for climbtree to take before his self-medical-procedure?
Well, I know he's trolling here but I'll bite and be serious. I wouldn't recommend ever performing this kind of procedure on yourself, but if you insist, a local anesthetic like xylocaine jelly would probably be a good idea!
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Farren on August 13, 2009, 04:48:38 am
would that also be good for severe hemorrhoids
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Farren on August 13, 2009, 04:49:02 am
or maybe mild hemorrhoids
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: King of Spooks on August 13, 2009, 07:03:47 am
 :colb:
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Mongoloid on August 13, 2009, 09:18:18 am
if you have car keps stuck in your butt i suggest taking a bunch of laxives (maybe 5) and then taking some sleeping medicine. make sure you duct tape you butt to the toilet though cause after you fall asleep those keys are gonna come out (and they bringing friends!)
Title: Colonoscopy
Post by: Barack Obama on August 13, 2009, 10:48:33 am
bro alls u need is a garden hose