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General Category => General Talk => Topic started by: Hundley on April 01, 2010, 03:00:40 am

Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Hundley on April 01, 2010, 03:00:40 am
awesome news!!! i just got accepted into the illuminati!!!! i had been applying for years and they finally accepted me. i had this really weird initiation earlier today that involved blood and a goat(LOL dont ask) and now i'm a full fledged member!! i even got a really cool ring to show for it. it has a bunch of latin shit on it and i don't know what it means, so i'm going to look it up and find out.

i've got my first meeting in a few minutes in an old abandoned train station. i'm so excited!!! i'll let you all know how it turns out!!!


so are you a member of the illuminati? what is it like? how many "strings" have you pulled? ritualistically murdered any nosy people before?? any cool illuminati stories to tell? i really want to know!!!

this thread is also for illuminati dating. unfortunately illuminati-dating.net (http://www.illuminati-dating.net) is down atm so post you bio and pic's here and see if we can hook up. i am looking for stout white woman who loves mansions and cryptography.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: jamie on April 01, 2010, 03:03:14 am
please ask morgan to let the old man out of the freezer. he is so cold.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: goldenratio on April 01, 2010, 03:38:06 am
did u hav to fill out 1 of dem forms wit da math and phsycologie (sp?) q.s? lol they so hard ^_^ grats :P
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: goldenratio on April 01, 2010, 03:41:47 am
do you get a discount? do they have classes on how to use sheeple for personal gain?
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Hundley on April 01, 2010, 05:53:17 am
being a member of the illuminati sucks!!!! just got back from my first meeting and it was terrible. i got there and there were a bunch of men wearing robes. they said something in some language i didn't understand and then everyone pulled out their junk and started wanking to a giant gold statue of archie bunker. this is apparently all the illuminati do. it's a secret society for collaborative wanking.

also i translated what the ring says. it says I HAVE THE HORN ALL DAY AND ALL NIGHT. LIVE THE HORN, LOVE THE HORN. WALTER CRONKITE IS A SEX MACHINE.

fuck that. fuck the illuminati.

i'm going to join the knights templar or something instead. someone whose great icons aren't as likely to be covered in semen.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Boosh!!! on April 01, 2010, 06:12:05 am
 Awww..... I was just about to ask for an autograph from Jay ​
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Blue Erdgeist on April 01, 2010, 08:25:16 am
congratulations!
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Vellfire on April 01, 2010, 11:55:43 am
Quote
they said something in some language i didn't understand and then everyone pulled out their junk and started wanking to a giant gold statue of archie bunker. this is apparently all the illuminati do.

where do i sign
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: crone_lover720 on April 01, 2010, 03:54:54 pm
Di you know that Leonardo Da Vinci was allegedly a member of the Illuminati? Including king Arthur, Edgar Allen Poe and George washington carver... The secret is within the mona lisa's smile! :)
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: thecatamites on April 01, 2010, 04:16:03 pm
I joined the Illuminati once but quit after I found out they don't really drive those little cars. Don't believe the lie$.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Farren on April 01, 2010, 04:40:05 pm
all we got locally is the masons and I fuck with them sometimes. Last halloween I saw some of them dressed up in fancy dresses and powdered wigs so I screamed profanities at some old white fat lady and acted like I was horny for her.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: kayo Hairbinger on April 01, 2010, 06:26:15 pm
Why would you drink blood... Don't pe berated, its bad for you...
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 01, 2010, 06:35:22 pm
those weren't the illuminati those were hobos
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Master Tea on April 01, 2010, 07:13:55 pm
join the nights of columbos.... CHIRSTOPHER COLUMBOS

or the chrileren of the corn! who the dOPE doesnt love corn!!!!!!!
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Ragnar on April 01, 2010, 07:34:45 pm
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/userserve-ak.last.fm/serve/_/7444023/Venetian+Snares+VS.jpeg)
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: ase on April 01, 2010, 07:45:07 pm
it's a secret society for collaborative wanking.
it's not a secret anymore you treacherous demon!

expect 7-9 illuminati members at your residence within the next few minutes. enjoy the last of your breaths. i would recommend a last wank or two
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Pasty on April 01, 2010, 09:04:43 pm
that's easy considering if hundley's anything like me, illuminati members give him the horn something fierce.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Parker on April 01, 2010, 09:36:57 pm
resident evil 4
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Ragnar on April 02, 2010, 01:19:06 am
http://vigilantcitizen.com/?p=1676
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Kaempfer on April 02, 2010, 05:32:56 am
I just saw this topic and let me tell you, it's pretty fucking insulting to an actual member of the Illuminati.

We're not some super-secret sect of government overthrowing goat murderers. Ever heard of the Masons? Secret societies usually aren't that secret. The Illuminati isn't a particularly small organization, either, and I'm not sure why it has such a bad rap. I mean, I'm aware of all the bad press about us and shit, but why is it so readily believed? Some of the founding fathers were members of the Illuminati. So what? Some of them were Masons, too, back when we got along.

Most of what the Illuminati does is fundraising for charities. Like any group of our kind, we have members in fairly high places. It's not like every Illuminati knows every person who's in the Illuminati, though. You'd be surprised the number of rumours we hear, and the genuine shock when we learn certain famous people are Illuminated.

I don't know, I don't want to get all pissy anout the whole thing but Illuminati aren't so bad. We don't control the world bank or anything, those guys are just rich dicks. Yeah, some of those rich dicks are in the Illuminati, but so what? Every group has dickheads in it.

Speaking of dickheads, does anyone else get the distinct impression that Yugoslavian Ghoul is a real dickhead in real life? Because I get that distinct impression. Seriously:

all we got locally is the masons and I fuck with them sometimes. Last halloween I saw some of them dressed up in fancy dresses and powdered wigs so I screamed profanities at some old white fat lady and acted like I was horny for her.

What are you, a Brazilian youth? Real fucking clever, bro, let's go throw back some brews.


edit: I guess if you guys have any serious questions about us I can try to answer them. I don't know everything, but I'm in contact with a chapter head and I can relay the questions to her and the answers back to you guys.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Brent Murray on April 02, 2010, 05:35:35 am
...Why did I go inside this topic again?
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Hundley on April 02, 2010, 09:21:33 am
I guess if you guys have any serious questions about us I can try to answer them.
why did u guys invent aids????? was it really to get rid of all the gays and negros?!?
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 02, 2010, 09:40:04 am
I just saw this topic and let me tell you, it's pretty fucking insulting to an actual member of the Illuminati.

We're not some super-secret sect of government overthrowing goat murderers. Ever heard of the Masons? Secret societies usually aren't that secret. The Illuminati isn't a particularly small organization, either, and I'm not sure why it has such a bad rap. I mean, I'm aware of all the bad press about us and shit, but why is it so readily believed? Some of the founding fathers were members of the Illuminati. So what? Some of them were Masons, too, back when we got along.

Most of what the Illuminati does is fundraising for charities. Like any group of our kind, we have members in fairly high places. It's not like every Illuminati knows every person who's in the Illuminati, though. You'd be surprised the number of rumours we hear, and the genuine shock when we learn certain famous people are Illuminated.

I don't know, I don't want to get all pissy anout the whole thing but Illuminati aren't so bad. We don't control the world bank or anything, those guys are just rich dicks. Yeah, some of those rich dicks are in the Illuminati, but so what? Every group has dickheads in it.

Speaking of dickheads, does anyone else get the distinct impression that Yugoslavian Ghoul is a real dickhead in real life? Because I get that distinct impression. Seriously:

What are you, a Brazilian youth? Real fucking clever, bro, let's go throw back some brews.


edit: I guess if you guys have any serious questions about us I can try to answer them. I don't know everything, but I'm in contact with a chapter head and I can relay the questions to her and the answers back to you guys.

haha for serious? what all does membership entail, i looked into freemasonry before but everything was really really vague
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: XxSylverxX on April 02, 2010, 10:02:57 am
I just saw this topic and let me tell you, it's pretty fucking insulting to an actual member of the Illuminati.

We're not some super-secret sect of government overthrowing goat murderers. Ever heard of the Masons? Secret societies usually aren't that secret. The Illuminati isn't a particularly small organization, either, and I'm not sure why it has such a bad rap. I mean, I'm aware of all the bad press about us and shit, but why is it so readily believed? Some of the founding fathers were members of the Illuminati. So what? Some of them were Masons, too, back when we got along.

Most of what the Illuminati does is fundraising for charities. Like any group of our kind, we have members in fairly high places. It's not like every Illuminati knows every person who's in the Illuminati, though. You'd be surprised the number of rumours we hear, and the genuine shock when we learn certain famous people are Illuminated.

I don't know, I don't want to get all pissy anout the whole thing but Illuminati aren't so bad. We don't control the world bank or anything, those guys are just rich dicks. Yeah, some of those rich dicks are in the Illuminati, but so what? Every group has dickheads in it.

Speaking of dickheads, does anyone else get the distinct impression that Yugoslavian Ghoul is a real dickhead in real life? Because I get that distinct impression. Seriously:

What are you, a Brazilian youth? Real fucking clever, bro, let's go throw back some brews.


edit: I guess if you guys have any serious questions about us I can try to answer them. I don't know everything, but I'm in contact with a chapter head and I can relay the questions to her and the answers back to you guys.

why did you join in the first place, i mean to me it seems pretty dumb. like what does being in this pretentious group offer you that hanging out with friends that dont wear dresses doesnt
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Kaempfer on April 02, 2010, 04:53:39 pm
haha for serious? what all does membership entail, i looked into freemasonry before but everything was really really vague

It's a pretty nepotistic group, just like the Masons. The best way is simply to know someone very well who is in the Illuminati- for me it was a girlfriend from a long time ago who remained a close friend after we broke up. Her parents were members, and she was a member, and she asked me if I'd like to join after we had been broken up for awhile. Her parents really liked me, so I think that had something to do with it. We're still close friends, and I think us both being members has really tightened that bond over time. Very rarely my chapter will invite someone from the outside to join, because trust is a major issue for us. I mean, it's no secret we exist, but there are lots of things we're meant to be hush hush about. We've had to take legal action a few times in a past, but literally only a few times, as a testament to how much we vet people before allowing them to join. Most of the secrets are pretty benign, especially the ones revealed to more junior members, but a lot of the time it's the principle of the thing. Like I said, trust is a major issue.


why did you join in the first place, i mean to me it seems pretty dumb. like what does being in this pretentious group offer you that hanging out with friends that dont wear dresses doesnt

I don't really see how it's pretentious at all. Some of the most senior members wear robes but I've certainly never had to do that. In fact, the only time I've ever seen someone in a robe up close was when I was inducted into my chapter. The main reason I joined is for a sense of sort of global community. I've stayed with members from different chapters who were in the same order as mine overseas before. I knew I could trust them because they went through the same process I did. Now I have friends who live overseas! Just like that. Most members of the Illuminati I know are youngish, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. I know some of the older members take the more ridiculous conventions pretty seriously, and some orders are more strict about their archaic codes of conduct. My order is a younger one, so the chapters comprising it are allowed more freedom. We focus more on the aspects of community and mutual trust than we do on pomp and ceremony. There is certainly still an element of that there, but it doesn't invade our daily lives. I would say that it's the general trend within the Illuminati.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Farren on April 03, 2010, 01:40:56 am
man i am such a total asshole you don't even kno

but as long as your buying we can hangout and have a beer and be bfff
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Rajew on April 03, 2010, 03:44:47 am
i am reminded of a few threads kaempfer has made before. (only this time he didnt make it)
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Kaempfer on April 03, 2010, 05:20:12 am
(only this time he didnt make it)

That's right, I didn't make it. Anyone who isn't humble about being in the Illuminati is full of shit. It's a part of my life (and can be anywhere from a major to a minor part of it depending on the day) and I embrace it wholly, and I'm just a bit sick of people constantly using it as the "go-to" organization for crazy world-controlling shit.

I am not trying to come off as a "I'm so tough I am in a secret order  :fogetcool:​" douchebag and if I have then I'm sorry.

What I am trying to do is dispel some of the more absurd notions about us, even if its to a relatively smallish group of people. You are looking at this like "oh it's such bs there's no way some dude is in the Illuminati" but what you have to see is that that's not weird. You've probably met lots of Masons and Illuminati members in the past, but didn't realize because it isn't something we are supposed to make a big deal out of. Even for me, I'm pretty safe behind my wall of internet anonymity, but it's not like we're forbidden from telling people we're members. It's just something we don't do very often.

We are a pretty down to Earth group, for the most part (like I said before, the younger members especially). I used to work with a Mason. If you want a group with ridiculous traditions, look at the Masons. They wear hats with horns in them and have lodges and ridiculous names for all their members and sub-members. They have secret handshakes coming out the wazoo. I don't want to come down on them too hard since they are in many ways like us, but behind their sense of community is a deep, almost religious belief in their traditional gobbledeegook which isn't present in most orders of the Illuminati. They have their secrets and we have ours, and I'm sure there is a reason they put so much more faith in their traditions that we do, but coming from my background it's hard to see what that reason might be.

Like I said, I'm just one member and of course my view of the organization is skewed by my positive experiences in it and my age and whatever other factors there may be. Ask a 60 year old order master or chapter deacon and his views would be waaaay different, but I am trying to show you that it's not as absurd as you guys (and the media and the public and the everyone else) seem to think it is.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Arcelot on April 04, 2010, 04:01:52 am
That's right, I didn't make it. Anyone who isn't humble about being in the Illuminati is full of shit. It's a part of my life (and can be anywhere from a major to a minor part of it depending on the day) and I embrace it wholly, and I'm just a bit sick of people constantly using it as the "go-to" organization for crazy world-controlling shit.

I am not trying to come off as a "I'm so tough I am in a secret order  :fogetcool:​" douchebag and if I have then I'm sorry.

What I am trying to do is dispel some of the more absurd notions about us, even if its to a relatively smallish group of people. You are looking at this like "oh it's such bs there's no way some dude is in the Illuminati" but what you have to see is that that's not weird. You've probably met lots of Masons and Illuminati members in the past, but didn't realize because it isn't something we are supposed to make a big deal out of. Even for me, I'm pretty safe behind my wall of internet anonymity, but it's not like we're forbidden from telling people we're members. It's just something we don't do very often.

We are a pretty down to Earth group, for the most part (like I said before, the younger members especially). I used to work with a Mason. If you want a group with ridiculous traditions, look at the Masons. They wear hats with horns in them and have lodges and ridiculous names for all their members and sub-members. They have secret handshakes coming out the wazoo. I don't want to come down on them too hard since they are in many ways like us, but behind their sense of community is a deep, almost religious belief in their traditional gobbledeegook which isn't present in most orders of the Illuminati. They have their secrets and we have ours, and I'm sure there is a reason they put so much more faith in their traditions that we do, but coming from my background it's hard to see what that reason might be.

Like I said, I'm just one member and of course my view of the organization is skewed by my positive experiences in it and my age and whatever other factors there may be. Ask a 60 year old order master or chapter deacon and his views would be waaaay different, but I am trying to show you that it's not as absurd as you guys (and the media and the public and the everyone else) seem to think it is.

Kaempfer's right! Besides, the guy was just a hitman hired by the camerlengo to take out the four cardinals!



...Sorry, I was just itching to make an Angels & Demons reference. I don't actually have anything to add to the discussion.
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Vellfire on April 04, 2010, 01:52:47 pm
but I am trying to show you that it's not as absurd as you guys (and the media and the public and the everyone else) seem to think it is.

yeah but i don't think any of us here actually believe any of that though :/
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: big ass skelly on April 04, 2010, 05:39:12 pm
illuminati did 9/11
Title: SCORE!!!! I AM NOW A PROUD MEMBER OF THE ILLUMINATI!!!
Post by: Vellfire on April 04, 2010, 05:43:46 pm
if the illuminati really is a secret organization that's running the world, wouldn't that mean kaempfer isn't allowed to tell us that?  he'd only be allowed to say the sorts of things he's said in this topic.....

UH-OH