Gaming World Forums
General Category => General Talk => Topic started by: Malad on March 23, 2012, 01:17:54 pm
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So my girlfriend of 3 years out of nowhere broke up with me last Wednesday. Over the phone. I haven't talked to her for a little over a week until yesterday. I went snooping online and found her old blog that I thought she never used (completely public) and was shocked when I found she was actively talking about the problems with our relationship and taking advice/support from strangers.
Basically we are in a very short long distance relationship (2 1/2 hr drive) and were pretty happy. She has never brought up any problems with our relationship other than the occasional mistake I make. On this blog she mentioned how "he's not putting enough into this relationship" (??) and, "I don't see us having a future together", etc. I had no idea she had any of these thoughts and completely hid her emotions from me on this blog. Hell, I thought I was going to marry this girl. If I had known the extent of those feelings I would have obviously tried my best to fix it... but she made this decision on her own and didn't let me have a chance.
I was pretty shocked and immediately messaged her (she is visiting her parents so I didn't want to call her). Unfortunately they were all self deprecating things about how sorry I am that I didn't pick up on her feelings and how I would do anything for her. I asked her to forgive me and she did. Then I sent another long series of messages that she hasn't responded to yet.
She's going to be back home tomorrow afternoon, at least I think that's what she told me two weekends ago.
Now, here's the question: should I drive up and see her tomorrow? If so, should I tell her I'm coming beforehand?
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So my girlfriend of 3 years out of nowhere broke up with me last Wednesday. Over the phone. I haven't talked to her for a little over a week until yesterday. I went snooping online and found her old blog that I thought she never used (completely public) and was shocked when I found she was actively talking about our relationship taking advice and support from strangers.
A lot of people ask for advice online. It's helpful to get advice from strangers because they have a more objective viewpoint of the situation. I'm not sure what is wrong with this or why this is horribly shocking.
She has never brought up any problems with our relationship other than the occasional mistake I make. On this blog she mentioned how "he's not putting enough into this relationship" (??) and, "I don't see us having a future together", etc. I had no idea she had any of these thoughts and completely hid her emotions from me on this blog. Hell, I thought I was going to marry this girl.
It sounds like you two didn't really talk about these things. Even if it was just on her end, a relationship like this (ESPECIALLY a long distance one) was never going to work out without you two being able to talk.
If I had known the extent of those feelings I would have obviously tried my best to fix it... but she made this decision on her own and didn't let me have a chance.
I don't get this part. Why do you get a chance in her deciding she doesn't want to be with you anymore? If she wants to break up with you, that's that. If you decided you didn't want to be with her anymore, she doesn't deserve the chance to fix it. Unless she WANTS to try to fix it with you, you don't get to decide that you should have a chance to work on it.
Now, here's the question: should I drive up and see her tomorrow? If so, should I tell her I'm coming beforehand?
First of all, of course if you're going to see her you should tell her beforehand. But more importantly, why are you going to see her? She's not responding to your messages and she broke up with you. She said she doesn't see you having a future together. It sounds like she does not want to be your girlfriend. So why are you going to visit her? What is it going to accomplish? Tell me what your actual expectations are here.
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Just women being women. You can get another.
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Also VELFARRE giving relationship advices
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hahaha you fucking moron
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A lot of people ask for advice online. It's helpful to get advice from strangers because they have a more objective viewpoint of the situation. I'm not sure what is wrong with this or why this is horribly shocking.
What's horribly shocking to me is that she would confide in other people completely over me. Of course I don't have a problem with sharing feelings online. I'm posting about my problems on an internet forum called SaltWorld for crying out loud. I don't think you get it. I had no idea at all. There was no indication that anything was wrong.
It sounds like you two didn't really talk about these things. Even if it was just on her end, a relationship like this (ESPECIALLY a long distance one) was never going to work out without you two being able to talk.
No shit. Of course I would have wanted to talk about it if I had known. She has never brought these things up to me. Not once. We spoke on the phone and talked routinely about issues in our lives but these topics would never come up, even if I inquired as to what she thought about our relationship.
I don't get this part. Why do you get a chance in her deciding she doesn't want to be with you anymore? If she wants to break up with you, that's that. If you decided you didn't want to be with her anymore, she doesn't deserve the chance to fix it. Unless she WANTS to try to fix it with you, you don't get to decide that you should have a chance to work on it.
Do you think I'm impaired? If she wants to leave, there's not a lot I can do other than fight for it. I don't have supreme control over her emotions. That's grade school shit. The problem is she didn't let me in. I can't fix what I don't know is broken, you know? Only a couple of weeks ago she was fantasizing about moving in with me and telling me she loved me.
First of all, of course if you're going to see her you should tell her beforehand. But more importantly, why are you going to see her? She's not responding to your messages and she broke up with you. She said she doesn't see you having a future together. It sounds like she does not want to be your girlfriend. So why are you going to visit her? What is it going to accomplish? Tell me what your actual expectations are here.
My expectations are to have clearance face to face with the girl I have been in love with for the past three years. If you don't think I deserve a conversation in person with her then you are just trying to troll me.
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Dude, she broke up with you. You don't "deserve" anything beyond that. I'm not saying it DOESN'T SUCK but you do not actually deserve to be a part of another person's life if they have decided they don't want you in it. You at least have to ASK if it's cool to come see her since I doubt you can be convinced to leave it be, but really you need to deal with the fact that she broke up with you and consider why the relationship ended this way instead of desperately trying to glue it back together. If you two got back together TODAY, do you really think you're going to start communicating fine from now on?
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I get what you mean when you say I don't deserve it. I'm not going to try to force my way back into her life.
If we got back together I think communication would still be an issue but it's something we can work on. A lot of people just have trouble talking about their feelings because they are genuinely scared of how the other person will react. Thus the 1) hiding emotions, 2) telephone call, 3) blog. I understand that's who she is but it is a serious issue because it hurt me. It's bound to hurt whoever she gets with in the future, too.
From my perspective I've never given her a reason to not be able to talk to me about our relationship. That's why this is so traumatizing to me.
I think you're right when you say I should ask to go up. I think I'll make it clear that I'm not trying to stay at her place, and that I just want to talk in person. If she says no, I'll back off.
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Yeah, the thing is, you're shocked at the fact you can go from having a relationship to having nothing in the span of one telephone call, but this was a long-distance relationship. Even if the distance wasn't too big, I'm sure you guys didn't meet too often.
I understand that's who she is but it is a serious issue because it hurt me. It's bound to hurt whoever she gets with in the future, too.
It seems a little simple to me to just assume that this is part of who she is, that she just doesn't talk to people about things and instead cuts ties with them when she's no longer interested. It just kind of seems like you're shifting the accountability.
Without knowing anything about your relationship I can't really say anything about this, though. I have no answers. But what I can say is that you shouldn't choose this moment to start becoming overbearing. Don't visit her without giving her an advance notice, that's like strong-arming her into coming back. Try a phone call first, I'd say.
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Don't visit her without giving her an advance notice, that's like strong-arming her into coming back. Try a phone call first, I'd say.
I don't know if this needs saying or not but if she doesn't answer your calls you don't go. Don't assume the default is 'yes' in this situation.
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Yeah man velf is right. The KEY POINT is that there was nothing to fix, she just didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. She was probably looking for "help" online from strangers because she was still coming to terms with this fact and needed to sort out her feelings.
I understand the desire to fight for her though. You can do that to a small extent, make it clear you still want to be together, but you gotta accept the fact that you're almost definitely not getting back together. It's not unheard of that, after spending some time apart, people resume a relationship. It does happen, but don't expect it. You have to move on with your life. If you pest her you'll just create more of a rift
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c'est lavie
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Thanks. This is a lot better advice than I'm getting from RL friends.
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that's because strangers can look at the situation objectively / from an impersonal standpoint
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(https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/383489_374786999219358_374669535897771_1168966_1559463469_n.jpg) (https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/p480x480/383489_374786999219358_374669535897771_1168966_1559463469_n.jpg)
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I think the objectivity helps but at the same time you guys can't really see everything I see. If anything it just helps calm me down and look at it more maturely. Ultimately I'll have to figure it out for myself but at least I'm not frantic.
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Malad right now what you're experiencing are feelings. Everyone has those.
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Feelings suck im gonna go get drunk
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Don't do that.
idk likewise i'm awful with relationship advices so take with tons of salt. actually, i'll abstain from trying to advice you for it since i have no idea of the reality apart from what is told hers and tbh there's the logic/cource of events you can expect to have happened (what everyone in this topic has said) and THEN there is what may possibly happen in the future (unwritten and unpredictable).
idk the best advice i can give that you might feel miserable/anxious/sad/confused/low-esteem/angry or whatever seeing all your "pictures" and information of you and her change rapidly... but when the wave of emotions comes, just take a couple of steps back and see it's just your emotions/reaction? like you might of course FEEL something about things obviously but besides some downtime/time to mourn, any excess mourning isn't...really going to improve anything and just brings you down? and going with those waves isn't a good thing. it'll just distract you from the reality of things and what you can or cannot do in your situation.
basically it's like what mindfullness technique (partially about buddhist philosophical/Nirvana stuff and similiar to yoga) teaches and i think that in general it's something good to learn about - the way you get worked up and how you can find your way out of those negative feelings (to obviously focus on constructive things).
Idk im sorry if this seems frustratingly as no good advice but i really mean everything i've said, i'm just terrible at explaining. I'm basically elaborating why (since giving you advice on WHAT WILL HAPPEN HERE ON WHAT SHOULD I DO is just a huge grey zone in general + w/o no real grasp on yours or her life for me) you should be mindful of WHAT you feel and how you react on those feelings. you feel strongly about certain ways but that can distract you from the fact that you don't have enough information on how to act in your situation (or rather, makes you forget/be blind to all aspects of your situation). ...
sorry, i'm pretty sure i had good intentions and a real lead of thought but i couldn't get to the core of the issue/couldn't get to the point. maybe i'll see in the morning. groan, this cursed life, this caged ape...
And holy shit Mince you are really pushing with the trolls, do you do this just because you can? any heart?? the guy is genuively distressed and asks for opinion. if you don't have any good ones then don't post or admit that you don't. even dday made a similiar post to yours but you've been this vicious piece of shit for some time here in several topics.
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Dude she expected you to do more than you knew how to. I bet being 2 1/2 hours away you or you both were too busy with school/work to visit frequently enough. And you prolly didn't know you needed to call her every four hours or so to tell her you you can't stop thinking about her (even if you can a lil bit) and the absense of that kind of interaction she wanted/needed caused her to think you didn't care.
Its a lesson to learn. Gotta be pro-active, girl doesn't think you care unless you go out of your way and show her that you do. And she's not gonna tell you what she wants because shes prolly too immature to understand that you prolly don't have the same thought patterns without some sort of effort on her own part or encouragement to let you know her needs aren't being met.
I'm not claiming to know exactly what you went through but it sounds like alot like what I went through a couple years ago. It was partially just my line of work but also because I did exactly what I think you did. Stopped calling as much and just kind of coasted with it because I didn't realize what she was lookin for.
Kinda like watering a plant dude. Same concept, you don't water that shit it dies.
Edit: Vell's got a point about not pursuing it but at the same time its not that easy when you get to a certain point as far as love and all that shit. And its the hardest thing in the world to ignore that feeling and despair and just stop giving a fuck. I'd say if you think she actually wanted it to work and wasn't just looking for a way out then go fight for her. Alot of girls like to see a guy not give up and try to make it work but it also looks like she didn't do that much to fix if there was a problem in the first place.
Know when to give up though cus then you just seem pretty sad.
Good luck dude. I know the feeling. I still open my facebook every-fucking day hoping I'll see somethin, check my phone when I get ashore hoping I got called back, hoping I run into her somewhere or that she sees me. And this is over a girl I fell in love with over the course of like three weeks whom was only lookin for a lay and got pretty uncomfortable everytime I tried to talk to her personally and romantically or even tried to show affection.
Everything tells me this is stupid and I hate it about myself but I got buckshotted through the chest by the first girl I ever really felt love for. I think this gives me room to be a sad sack for awhile. So I think you got the leeway. Just don't embarrass yourself dude.
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Oh god I read over that post and it just seemed like a huge cheese-ball.
I mean every word though. Its the truth. Men in my family on my dad's side, are largly pretty bad about being taken advantage of by women and run by women. Seeing that through my childhood with my dad constantly trying to make a relationship work with a woman (my mom) that had too much anger and immaturity and was very abusive on him and my siblings really fucked me up. Anxiety, depression, anti-socialism, no feelings all that good shit.
So I spent a good 20 years of my life trying at all costs to not have that happen to me. I used to ask my pops and family why he acted like that and why he let her do that shit to him. I always got the same answer: love.
So I thought "love" was just a horseshit excuse for him not wanting to start over and being forced to abstain from sex. Which after falling in love myself I found out to be totally innaccurate.
I never thought I'd marry or have kids with the girl I was in love with, I did think I'd get to love her though. I never got that, all I got that pure happiness and content thrown in my fucking face before I knew what was goin on.
hard shit to deal with and its a concept that not everyone can understand until they get there, like many other things.
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Kinda like watering a plant dude. Same concept, you don't water that shit it dies.
Relationships are about giving and taking. You can't just keep watering a relationship like it's a plant and expect it to grow. These things are far more complicated than that. You can't make it work solely by giving it the right level of attention.
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yeah you're right.
But in my opinion and experience (and I know this is a generalization) MOST women need more of the affection, intent listening, and enthusiasm to make a relationship work on a level that most men do not.
"he's not putting enough into this relationship" (??) and, "I don't see us having a future together"
Thats what I think that means. Long distance relationship + she say dude not putting in enough = She didn't understand how to communicate and you didn't understand what was missing till too late (if I'm right).
I am not saying that all dudes are gritty, insensitive, hardasses and all women are delicate flowers. I'm saying as a man you have to realize that your gf (being a woman and going off of what you wrote) needs more of that stuff and needs to feel like you aren't getting too complacent and not giving a shit anymore.
Fuck, my ex gf dumped me when I was at work a day before I came home because she thought the same shit. I don't like talking on the phone and I told her that. I still called her every day after work but after awhile there isn't really shit to talk about. So conversations got shorter and shorter. I tried to talk more about what SHE was doing but she was in a bad place and would either just complain and complain or turn the conversation back around on me. I didn't have shit to talk about....
eventually I just kind of stopped calling everyday to every other day and whelp... another dude took my place while I was workin.
Point I was tryin to make is, girl felt like she needed nurturing (I'm assuming) and didn't get what she wanted. You were content (I see no complaints so I'm assuming) you being content means she met that end of the relationship for you. Your needs were being met and you were all good, so you assumed she was too. She fucked up not telling you what she wanted, but alot of women just WILL NOT do that.
You have to read between the lines and figure that shit out on your own. Either that or go find a girl thats very vocal with that stuff. Thats what I liked about the last girl I was with she'd pretty much tell me shit like that plainly and I liked that about her but she wasn't in love with me either so I dunno how she would've acted if she was.
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srry to hear about ur breakup. ive bn having relationship probs too but maybe itll work out, idk we decided to give it a year. youll be ok, yr young and there are a lot of very pretty young women everywhere so u will be fine
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I think a few people here are being pretty flippant about this guy's three year relationship.
There's a way of putting things that isn't about being a hardass or pretending like TOUGH LOVE is the only way. This wasn't a teenage or casual relationship for this guy - it was a THREE YEAR attachment that he obviously thought would go the longhaul.
I don't feel it's right or fair to be talking to him in the way that people in this thread have been. It's actually really upset and surprised me. Whatever happened to support and just being nice about the whole thing?
Farren has the right style. I have to say dude, you've really impressed me with your posts in this thread.
ON TO MALAD:
Dude, that really sucks. It's never nice to be rejected, especially by someone who you care deeply for. And sometimes their reasons don't feel fair. What you need to do is pick yourself up and understand that your life will definitely go on.
Earlchip is right about "pestering" her - it'll definitely be seen as that from her angle, even though it's totally unreasonable of her just to assume you wouldn't contact ever again. People aren't robots - they have feelings and emotional responses for sure. However, I do believe that you should probably draw a line under it. As hard as that is, it's a long distance thing - it isn't like you can be around a lot more to remind her of what she saw in you. It'll just be painful for you due to the logistics involved to try.
There's a certain way of ending a relationship and she obviously gave that the two thumbs up. Maybe she's immature or has some emotional problems - I don't know her, so I don't know. But the way she's ended it with you and her lack of impetus to entertain the idea of working it out tells me that she's probably not someone you want to be with anyway in the long term. You'll find someone better for you for sure, then she'll just be a memory.
So get drunk, cry for a while, write some poetry, talk shit about her when you're with your friends, do anything to make yourself feel better man. It'll pass and after a short while you won't even remember why you were so fucked up about this.
My view: long term relationships don't work, unless of course you've been together for a LONG time before you attempt to try.
However, DeathJester formed a long term relationship and ended up in a marriage, so I guess they can do sometimes. I assume that's the minority of them however.
Good luck dude. Just know that there are people out there who are empathising with you for sure. I hope it all works out for you.
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Thanks for all of the input. Thanks for all the kind words faust/farren...
I did get too comfortable with the relationship. I saw it as a good thing because I had absolute trust in her and I let her do whatever she wanted. I didn't constantly check up on her or ask how everything was all of the time, and some days I would only talk to her infrequently (we are students about to graduate and have a huge workload).
I'm not playing the blame game, but she does have some emotional problems. Not really problems but more like unhealthy behaviors. She over-analyzes things. Sometimes I like that about her because she is very intelligent, but it can make a big dent in our relationship because she tries to figure out what I'm thinking or where we're going without my input. Also she is studying abroad next semester. Now, I'm not worried about her falling in love with some suave European man (EuroSalts back off), and she knows very well that I wouldn't try to prevent her from having a good time overseas, but she gets scared about the future quite frequently and makes impulse decisions.
My biggest issue right now is my willingness to salvage the whole deal. I would make totally one-sided compromises to keep it alive and I know that's wrong. But I really do feel like it'd be worth it in the long run.
Something like this happened before a couple of years back where she broke it off with me because she found out we were going to different schools. She got terrified and did the same thing. I was a little less shocked then because it was something we had at least talked a little about. She ended up coming back and I told her she needed to go to school and see what it was like to be on her own. I wanted to make sure she was making the right decision. So she left and it was really hard for me but we eventually got back together.
I don't think I'd have the balls to deny her if she came back this time because my feelings for her have evolved waaaaaaaay beyond what they were back then.
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I did get too comfortable with the relationship. I saw it as a good thing because I had absolute trust in her and I let her do whatever she wanted. I didn't constantly check up on her or ask how everything was all of the time, and some days I would only talk to her infrequently (we are students about to graduate and have a huge workload).
I did the exact same shit dude. You're right to be liberal and trusting but you've got to act like you want to know whats going on with her (up to a point) and get into her a little more. Like, a broken nail or bad day hits you just as hard as her (up to a point).
IMO then this is the point at which you need to seriously sit down and reflect your relationship with her. What she told you, and what she didn't, her willingness to communicate with you now, and if her actions up to this point tell you if theres still somethin there or not. You're gonna have to really really reflect on it from as neutral a viewpoint as you possibly can and then if you think she's worth it and she'll come back to you then I'd def go fight for her.
I did that, but I let my emotions get the best to me and I ended up punching air cus chick didn't give a shit. Don't do that. Don't give her that if she doesn't want it or she's not worth it.
srry to hear about ur breakup. ive bn having relationship probs too but maybe itll work out, idk we decided to give it a year. youll be ok, yr young and there are a lot of very pretty young women everywhere so u will be fine
Wait, is this dietcoke or ryan? I thought DC was married? But if its ryan I know you went through that acid trip breakup shit and I couldn't imagine much worse than that.
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She over-analyzes things. Sometimes I like that about her because she is very intelligent, but it can make a big dent in our relationship because she tries to figure out what I'm thinking or where we're going without my input.
holy shit this is my ex-gf
she did the same thing. Once she told me a guy she knew was trying to work offshore and had a gf and she was asking some shit along the lines of: if I knew if a relationship could work offshore or what kinds of problems couples have. I told her the truth. That most people can't handle it. And it takes more effort from the person ashore because theres more they have to refrain from. But a good relationship can work its just different and a little harder. It was shortly after (a week or two maybe) that she left me. I didn't realize till after the fact that she was actually asking me if I thought OUR relationship could work. Which wasn't fair. Because I'd have told her I'm not like most men. When I'm there I'm there and when I'm gone I'm still there. And I'd fuck a razor-blade any day before I cheat on the girl I'm with.
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But in my opinion and experience (and I know this is a generalization) MOST women need more of the affection, intent listening, and enthusiasm to make a relationship work on a level that most men do not.
Just because you acknowledge this is a generalization doesn't mean you should still make this generalization. Don't do this "men are like THIS but women are like THIS" nonsense, it's useless at best and damaging at worst to generalize people's behaviors in a relationship (or really in MOST CASES) by gender.
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yeah i don't really get why you would identify a reductive generalisation and then plough ahead with it regardless
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I really disagree with most of what Farren has said. it's good that it's empathetic and seen from malad's POV, but I think it's wrong to propose that just talking to her more would have solved everything, or if the relationship had been manipulated in some specific way it would have worked (approaching OCD thinking). things aren't that simple, and theres no way to tell if that would have worked, or would have just delayed the inevitable or kept her from making up her mind. like I said earlier, it sounds like there was nothing to fix, she just realized she didn't want to be with him anymore
I also understand why she ended it the way she did, tho it's immature and obviously not ideal. relationships don't really NEED to be "worked out", especially at this age. it's different if there's something like children involved, but at this age that's just sentimentality, and it's far more destructive than good. if she had done it in person, more emotions are in play and there's a chance they'd fall back into a relationship just because parting seems too hard. my posts are the only ones that are right, everyone elses is cuts in the toilet. I'll fight you.
Wait, is this dietcoke or ryan?
DC. I think ryan is still banned back from when drule banned him for making a scene about the lack of progress on the site
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I want to clarify that the reason my tone was so harsh at the beginning is because his post was FULL of red flags. I'm sure it was just because he was in the heat of Emotions but it's REALLY unsettling that his first reaction was "go visit her and possibly not even give her a warning at all". That and the fact that he is desperate to try to fix it when she has decided it is over makes it sound very much like his needs and wants trump hers. Again, he might have just been worked up because it had JUST HAPPENED, but that sort of attitude is something that needs to be stamped out immediately and isn't something you preface with warm feelings towards Malad. Malad, I really am sorry that you're going through this, but your initial reaction was very worrying, and this is why my responses might have been harsh. Even now you're talking about how you still want to make it work (despite her going overseas and the fact that you understand that sacrificing tons of things on your end is not the right thing to do). I might have skimmed over this, but have you actually talked to her yet? Do you even know if she wants to get back together with you? All I'm seeing is what YOU want, but a relationship can't be based on just your feelings. Trying to make a bunch of one sided changes to try to win her back is not going to do anything if she doesn't want to date you anymore, and second guessing her decision by saying she's changed her mind before really takes away a lot of her agency as a person. If she does want to get back together with you then that's fine, but so far all I see is how much YOU want the relationship back and nothing about her. That's no relationship.
Hopefully this is all just an outpour of feelings as you cope with the breakup, but I want you to understand that some of the things you've said are really bad lines of thought. I hope this turns out well for you, but you need to take some time to just LET THINGS BE instead of trying to frantically pull things back together as quickly as possible if you want any long term happiness (whether by yourself or with her).
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Yes vellfire I'm sure he was going to rape her before you intervened
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stop it mince. that's not what she said. I don't get why it was so worrying to her but that's not what she was implying
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No earl, that was exactly what she was implying. That's what armchair feminists do. This is a true generalization.
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God Mince shut the fuck up. I'm usually better at ignoring you but jesus fuck you need to stop.
I wish I could contribute to the discussion at hand a bit more. I've never been in a long term relationship. In fact I've only been in 2 relationships and they were extremely short lived. Namely because in both cases we had no money of method of actually going out and doing stuff. So I never got into the emotionally heavy part of a relationship. I would say that this topic has been somewhat interesting and illuminating.
In any case, I hope that this shit works out for you in the end Malad.
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Yep, clearly I'm saying he's trying to rape her instead of saying that he's only focusing on his own feelings about it which is never a good basis for a relationship. Thanks Inri for making it clear for everyone, you're so insightful.
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No, you people shut up. Velfarre's walls of texts weren't anything except the obvious ("malad she doesn't like you, don't bother" except in 800 lines) and as a bonus she was taking offense at him illogically acting on feelings instead of pointing it out (which I did). Because only women are supposed to have all those marvelous and complex emotions, right?
Malad she probably wasn't even worth the effort in first place, get this in your head. Unless you're a social fuck up too.
Fuck feelings.
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lol just fuck off inri
e: i wasn't taking offense btw malad hope this helps
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i didn't consider that inri might be the only sane person and everyone else is crazy
oh wait maybe that was because lmao
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Yes vellfire I'm sure he was going to rape her before you intervened
I've so fucking had it with you.
The only reason you're still here is to pick fights with people you don't like (actually mostly just Vellfire) and sorry bro but that ain't gon' fly anymore. "HEH LOOK GUYS VELFARRE MADE A POST" "FUCK OFF IF YOU'RE GONNA POST ABOUT RELIGION IN MY TOPIC" "GO FUCK A COW VELLFIRE WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE"
You are never going to grow out of being the dumbest fucking person ever, even after getting a second chance, so goodbyte. Although you probably won't care too much! (http://www.saltw.net/index.php?topic=82983.0)
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stop it mince. that's not what she said. I don't get why it was so worrying to her but that's not what she was implying
When someone breaks up with you, that takes a bit of courage on their part. It serves no use but to add an intimidating element to the situation if you use the first opportunity to drive over there and show up all of a sudden without giving even an advance notice. Even if they've known each other for three years. What she needs after something like this is some distance and some time to figure things out and how to go from here. If you want to talk, you have to tell her you really want to work at it, and then ask kindly if she's up for a talk about it.
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So most of the content in this thread is relationship advice from someone who has only ever been loved by a puppy who I hope is secretly a misogynistic animal because that would just be wonderful.
I was taken aback by the first reply in this thread. It's probably the worst thing you've ever written. You used to be cool, what the hell happened? This kind of thing requires some level of sympathy whatever side of the argument you're on. Not just good I'm glad you broke up *bitter vagina whiff onslaught*
Anyway, m'lad.
Three years is a long time. It's what you're used to so it's gonna hurt. It's pointless "trying to make things work", that is probably one of the most painful things you can allow your feelings to drive you to do. You need to excommunicate her and get a change of scene or do new things to meet new people. I tried to make it work once, it's delusion . Once you see what you're capable of in terms of being a sap it's vomit inducing later on. "I did that?" yes you did.
I found my girl on an iPhone cruising app recommended to me by my gay sexual predator house-mate (really) and only went to meet her because I was bored the day after boxing day and was up for a date. I wasn't really taking it seriously. I wouldn't say I strictly *wanted* to be in a relationship because they have a strange effect on how I make decisions. I think all guys need to be aware of this. It's like a computer virus on your mind. Anyway, we have a lot more in common than I ever did with my ex and it really shows how much of a sap I was in the past.
You wanna find someone who'll play red alert 2 co-op with you in bed and not dump you over the phone. Life's too short to go trying to make things work with people who were ultimately never gonna be "the one". The next one will most likely be crazy also. And the next. Until your relationship just becomes a comedic parody of relationships themselves.
Now excuse me I have to go rub peanut butter on my vagina.
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So most of the content in this thread is relationship advice from someone who has only ever been loved by a puppy who I hope is secretly a misogynistic animal because that would just be wonderful.
I was taken aback by the first reply in this thread. It's probably the worst thing you've ever written. You used to be cool, what the hell happened? This kind of thing requires some level of sympathy whatever side of the argument you're on. Not just good I'm glad you broke up *bitter vagina whiff onslaught*
what the fuck is wrong with you
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So most of the content in this thread is relationship advice from someone who has only ever been loved by a puppy who I hope is secretly a misogynistic animal because that would just be wonderful.
I was taken aback by the first reply in this thread. It's probably the worst thing you've ever written. You used to be cool, what the hell happened? This kind of thing requires some level of sympathy whatever side of the argument you're on. Not just good I'm glad you broke up *bitter vagina whiff onslaught*
Anyway, m'lad.
Three years is a long time. It's what you're used to so it's gonna hurt. It's pointless "trying to make things work", that is probably one of the most painful things you can allow your feelings to drive you to do. You need to excommunicate her and get a change of scene or do new things to meet new people. I tried to make it work once, it's delusion . Once you see what you're capable of in terms of being a sap it's vomit inducing later on. "I did that?" yes you did.
I found my girl on an iPhone cruising app recommended to me by my gay sexual predator house-mate (really) and only went to meet her because I was bored the day after boxing day and was up for a date. I wasn't really taking it seriously. I wouldn't say I strictly *wanted* to be in a relationship because they have a strange effect on how I make decisions. I think all guys need to be aware of this. It's like a computer virus on your mind. Anyway, we have a lot more in common than I ever did with my ex and it really shows how much of a sap I was in the past.
You wanna find someone who'll play red alert 2 co-op with you in bed and not dump you over the phone. Life's too short to go trying to make things work with people who were ultimately never gonna be "the one". The next one will most likely be crazy also. And the next. Until your relationship just becomes a comedic parody of relationships themselves.
Now excuse me I have to go rub peanut butter on my vagina.
i'm goling to cram a feeding tube down your nose and throw up in it
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You used to be cool, what the hell happened?
that's funny, because...
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So most of the content in this thread is relationship advice from someone who has only ever been loved by a puppy who I hope is secretly a misogynistic animal because that would just be wonderful.
*bitter vagina whiff onslaught*
Now excuse me I have to go rub peanut butter on my vagina.
hi im ed and im mad that inri got banned so I've taken it upon myself to launch a horrible personal attack against the girl who he hated because obviously it's all her fault that this happened. I'm also a gigantic douchebag who believes using gender based insults is cool.
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But in both cases we were both only taking the piss. He sure can press the right buttons with you guys. Gender based insults are meaningless. Unless you're at work. Then that will get you fired.
I genuinely felt bad for Malad after reading that first reply. I'm pretty sure I've done similar threads in the past, probably drunk... in the night. Weeping. Looking for some sort of answer or help because my world was closing in on itself. Then just BAM fuck you for being a man!
So have that personal attack! I'm only winding you up because you were 'orrible to one of my internet friends (Malad, not inri although inri is a priceless character).
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Yeah, I was so horrible to him that he agreed with my advice a few posts after.
I guess you were just "taking the piss" right now too when you were being shitty to me. Hilarious.
spoilers: "pressing buttons" and "winding people up" are just ways of trying to hide the fact that you're being a huge asshole
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im laughing *laughs nervously* *eyes fall out and roll away*
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But in both cases we were both only taking the piss.
You don't get to insult someone seriously and then claim "HEH I WAS ONLY JOKING!! WOW GUESS YOU CANT TAKE A JOKE"
And thanks for shitting up the topic in the meantime by your obvious attempt at getting people angry, I'm sure your internet friend appreciates it.
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owned, women. +5 M.A.N. points add them to your man card. trolled. owned.
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The advice wasn't wrong, it was pretty harsh though! That's probably what I was getting at.
I'm sorry I made peanut butter vajayjay jokes at you. Really.
You don't get to insult someone seriously and then claim "HEH I WAS ONLY JOKING!! WOW GUESS YOU CANT TAKE A JOKE"
And thanks for shitting up the topic in the meantime by your obvious attempt at getting people angry, I'm sure your internet friend appreciates it.
The topic was fine before eh?
That's exactly what I'm claiming. I'm sorry about the dark humour I really am.
I know that sounds insincere.
owned, women. +5 M.A.N. points add them to your man card. trolled. owned.
Yeah.
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I'm sorry I made peanut butter vajayjay jokes at you. Really.
You're not, though.
That's exactly what I'm claiming. I'm sorry about the dark humour I really am.
This isn't dark humor dude. This isn't humor. This is just being mean for no reason.
I know that sounds insincere.
It does because it is. You aren't sorry. At most you're sorry that it didn't go over well. Thanks for the non-apology I guess. I really appreciate you coming out of nowhere to be incredibly nasty to me.
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That's exactly what I'm claiming. I'm sorry about the dark humour I really am.
Okay let me just quote your exact words:
But in both cases we were both only taking the piss. He sure can press the right buttons with you guys. Gender based insults are meaningless.
So here you're saying 1. you were "just taking the piss", and 2. you're making the conclusion for Vellfire that your insult wasn't really an insult at all.
Guess what: you don't get to decide that.
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dark humour for mens
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Do you see Malad? People care so much about your situation that now there is a ARGUMENT ahappenins!
If you're still reading this thread at this point just know that practically everyone who has posted has just been offering advice in the best ways they know how. I didn't agree with the style of some of it earlier, but the intention to help was definitely there in all cases buddy.
How old were you by the way man? Like it's not incredibly relevant true, but if you're early twenties or younger then it's definitely time for a whole "You're still a young man, you'll definitely find someone who appreciates you soon!" vibe.
If you're oldman like me though then OHNOES ;_;. [/JOKE XD]
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I reckon he's 21.
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http://youtu.be/po87Ewk2S3o
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I'm 21 years old. Bit of an unstable age for all of this if you know what I mean (being an american). Alcoholic tendencies run in my family though so I know to be careful...
I think ed was pretty acute with his statements but not too REAL if you know what I mean. Obviously I'm young. Obviously I'll deal with it and move on. A little hope never hurts though because I pretty fucking miserable right now. :(
If you're still reading this thread at this point just know that practically everyone who has posted has just been offering advice in the best ways they know how.
Yeah mad respect. I appreciate all advice whether or not I want to hear it.
TBH it's flattering you all are arguing over it (the beauty of this forum)
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yyyyeaaahhh so basically just scrap all the bro-advices and just roll with it malad, you'll be fine. it seems like she figured out that things didn't work out for her and she ended it in a immature? way (idk, dunno your sociocultural genderrules but there's probably logical/emotional reason why she did it the way she did)
but as funny as it sounds THAT'S IT. back to the drawing board/life!! besides, there's tons of prettygoodawesome girls with different lives and personalities and history and way to deal with things just like men so who knows who'll you meet. or if you meet or maybe something happens and by some chance you just don't do relationship but the point is QUE SERA, life is strange/suprisingly suprising and works in mysterious ways. be astonished of the beauty of chance. look the life anew etc. walk a new path. explore new venues/avenues/venuses, malad "m'lad boner" "boner malady" "mad boner" "my horny mad lad ok i'll stop here.
also if she has something to say or wants to start again then she'll probably contacts you. you'll also know later on better how you feel on thngs/better retrospective.
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welcome back big ass skelly!
edit: unban mince
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edit: unban mince
why? what was he adding please tell me what he was contributing to this site.
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Wow, yeah, this topic has been baffling and disappointing and mildly surprising at the same time.
Ed what happened? Vel might have been overly harsh *shrugs* (I'm to ignorant on the topic to know)?, but your response is a bit much. Though I respect that you tried to make good, I'm less sure than Vel that your apology is half hearted/no-hearted, but even if you aren't sorry, at least you seem to care enough to try and fix things. (why else come back to apologize at all)
Speaking of which, Vel and dada, I know he was being bizarrely and randomly dickish, but like I said, why else apologize other than to make amends? Is there something I'm missing here?
Why should Mince be unbanned? (serious question)
Mince is pretty much just a run of the mill troll, I don't think he is really that entertaining of a troll either. And while I'm not the type to advocate bannings (never done so before not doing so now really either), looking at minces history, maybe 1 of every 5 of of his posts is maybe ok, the rest he is in cockbite mode. And he been given so many chances to stop being so and failed repeatedly to stop being dickish. Please note, I'm not saying I want him UNBANNED or BANNED, Like I said I usually ignore the guy anyway, I'm just baffled that he always has people wanting him back from his bannings.
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not gonna go into detail why mince should be unbanned again, but he definitely wasn't a run of the mill troll
I know he's been acerbic lately but idk, you guys don't get him. have you played his game? he's got a lot left to offer us beyond trying to goad vellfare
I just disagree with banning a guy for making naughty posts. what are we gaining by banning him? we don't have to read his comments anymore? or just quality control? those are both pretty awful reasons, particularly given the state of this forum. if this was some massive come-and-go forum with tons of nondescript members it'd be an entirely different situation, but that's not us. it's not like the ideas in his posts have any danger of spreading or reinforcing someone else's delusions.
I really doubt anyone would be able to verbalize a legitimate reason for banning him, and since last thread I still haven't seen one. obviously no one owes me an explanation, but you know - I think we're just 20-something tots still trying to control who gets to play house with us.
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Hey did he get banned because the posts in this thread because if that's the case that's a little... crazy compared to what I've seen posted on this website.
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I really doubt anyone would be able to verbalize a legitimate reason for banning him, and since last thread I still haven't seen one. obviously no one owes me an explanation, but you know - I think we're just 20-something tots still trying to control who gets to play house with us.
He's racist, sexist, and harasses (not goads or trolls, harasses) me every time I post. How do you think potential new members feel when they see Inri's posts going unchecked? It makes us look like a community of shitheads. Half the replies to his awful posts these days is SEVERAL different people telling him to shut up. He's a toxic piece of shit and you're kidding yourself if you think his comments on women and other races are him just trying to ruffle feathers. He believes this shit, he MEANS it. Why do you believe the community should welcome such a guy? He even had a second chance since dada didn't know this account, and what did he do? The same hateful shit. Let's give him a medal for being an asshole.
e: look at the two most recent pages of his post history and defend them please
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not gonna go into detail why mince should be unbanned again, but he definitely wasn't a run of the mill troll
I know he's been acerbic lately but idk, you guys don't get him. have you played his game? he's got a lot left to offer us beyond trying to goad vellfare
I just disagree with banning a guy for making naughty posts. what are we gaining by banning him? we don't have to read his comments anymore? or just quality control? those are both pretty awful reasons, particularly given the state of this forum. if this was some massive come-and-go forum with tons of nondescript members it'd be an entirely different situation. it's not like the ideas in his posts have any danger of spreading or reinforcing someone else's delusions.
I really doubt anyone would be able to verbalize a legitimate reason for banning him, and since last thread I still haven't seen one. obviously no one owes me an explanation, but you know - I think we're just 20-something tots still trying to control who gets to play house with us.
i was going to comment on your hit and run comment but lucky to u, u elaborated quickly... yeah i can see why, though i'm still not sure about bringing anything to the forum- like i can see the point about hiveminding which is a genuine problem but with mince it's hard to just say if there's much benefits. like i don't side on dada on this one for the precise reasons you are concerned off but i can agree on that just giving him a chance to reconsider his actions for now- because he's honestly been vile as shit on many topics here and i can't say it brought life/changed the stagnation to a direction or another... or if there's a need to concern over whether banning dissonant members becomes an actual forum policy when mince could be just an exception to the rule you know?
so basically yeah he's been acerbic as hell but idk if i can see if he really has anything else to say?? maybe he's got a awful situation in life, i can't know that. but i don't really dig exactly that he really shows no other desire than to maximally derail topics? yeah he's physics topic got derailed but if you look around there's not many people who could sufficiently respond to that topic and getting worked over is just a bad idea if that would be the possible reason why he shows nothing over when picked on.
idk it feels clumsy too, whoops wonder how he feels about it. we happened to kick you out because you've been the real bad boy but guess what, you can get back if you are a nice boy now. let's go on like we've still got a nice day here and everybody respects each other despite kicking you out just now. we can do that but the weiner and the damage done.
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Because men and women share base similarities. Its a fucking fact. No, they are not all the same. No, they do not all think the same. But GENERALLY SPEAKING there are certain behavior patterns and trends that said person will follow. Is this a product of biology or environment? I don't fucking know but I'm not gonna flat out ignore that and not learn from stuff like that to help me deal with certain people. If a person is following a set behavior pattern stereotype or not I can use that to my advantage to figure out what I should do next.
I wouldn't even call that shit a stereotype. People are animals, creatures of habit and similiarity so certain things overlapping between certain people isn't necessarily a bad thing imo. Shit I fit like a hundred stereotypes its
I know it is a generalization but its also true to some extent (especially in this case) which is why I said it.
I think it's wrong to propose that just talking to her more would have solved everything, or if the relationship had been manipulated in some specific way it would have worked (approaching OCD thinking). things aren't that simple, and theres no way to tell if that would have worked, or would have just delayed the inevitable or kept her from making up her mind.
How does a relationship start? Not necessarily manipulating anything dude, just realizing he was being complacent and trying to better that about himself if that was infact the problem would fix it wouldn't it? So what? Throw away a three year relationship on a girl you fell in love with because she's too immature to learn how to communicate properly?
Or teach her how to communicate properly and figure out what you need to do in order to make her feel as loved as she actually is?
Really and honestly sometimes you people are the most brilliant I've ever spoken to. But imo, cases like this really show how out of touch you guys can be with REAL shit. Ain't no harm in tryin if he wants to and I'm sure he's a respectible enough person to get the point and fuckoff if she doesn't want to try to work it out or atleast talk about it.
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He's racist, sexist, and harasses (not goads or trolls, harasses) me every time I post. How do you think potential new members feel when they see Inri's posts going unchecked? It makes us look like a community of shitheads. Half the replies to his awful posts these days is SEVERAL different people telling him to shut up. He's a toxic piece of shit and you're kidding yourself if you think his comments on women and other races are him just trying to ruffle feathers. He believes this shit, he MEANS it. Why do you believe the community should welcome such a guy? He even had a second chance since dada didn't know this account, and what did he do? The same hateful shit. Let's give him a medal for being an asshole.
e: look at the two most recent pages of his post history and defend them please
yeah, see this is the reason why this needs discussing. he's been an asshole and he might genuively believe that women are shit etc but it doesn't change the fact that we're trying to convert him to "our house" really (did i use this term correctly?) by force/exclusion and you don't do this shit in real-life communities. you can just ignore them, tell him it's wrong and he's wrong or just ignore him, that's some fairly established things in communities but the banning is extreme like Malad said. Dada has reasons to believe (as do i) that he really is really is not productive at all the way he is doing right now but kicking him out is definitely quality control. note, i know exactly what is the counter-argument but the kicking under circumstances is still not the greatest reasons...
and by greatest reasons, i'm talking about that if this forum were anything bigger, we COULD establish what is the ideal poster (if we want to) and productive posting et all -
and even then we could argue on a higher level whether something like that is ever necessary than patronizing /dehumilating in a tight-knit, common sense place with the air of pr liberal expression (reminds me of the SA convo with earl commenting why SW still =/= SA)
- but all we have now is circumstances really which brings back to whether any kind of mince inclusion/exclusion is actually benefitting to anything. groan i can't keep on with the lead, it's been awhile i've posted seriously about anything. gimme a inhale break...
but it's a good idea we talk about this over now in this topic since a. earlchip suggests against supposed concensus that he should be kept around and b. as any forum policy it's controversial
How does a relationship start? Not necessarily manipulating anything dude, just realizing he was being complacent and trying to better that about himself if that was infact the problem would fix it wouldn't it? So what? Throw away a three year relationship on a girl you fell in love with because she's too immature to learn how to communicate properly?
Or teach her how to communicate properly and figure out what you need to do in order to make her feel as loved as she actually is?
Really and honestly sometimes you people are the most brilliant I've ever spoken to. But imo, cases like this really show how out of touch you guys can be with REAL shit. Ain't no harm in tryin if he wants to and I'm sure he's a respectible enough person to get the point and fuckoff if she doesn't want to try to work it out or atleast talk about it.
groannnnnnnnnnnnn. i need my break Farren. be merciful.
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not gonna go into detail why mince should be unbanned again, but he definitely wasn't a run of the mill troll
I know he's been acerbic lately but idk, you guys don't get him. have you played his game? he's got a lot left to offer us beyond trying to goad vellfare
I just disagree with banning a guy for making naughty posts. what are we gaining by banning him? we don't have to read his comments anymore? or just quality control? those are both pretty awful reasons, particularly given the state of this forum. if this was some massive come-and-go forum with tons of nondescript members it'd be an entirely different situation, but that's not us. it's not like the ideas in his posts have any danger of spreading or reinforcing someone else's delusions.
I really doubt anyone would be able to verbalize a legitimate reason for banning him, and since last thread I still haven't seen one. obviously no one owes me an explanation, but you know - I think we're just 20-something tots still trying to control who gets to play house with us.
So, what IS a ban-able offense? And aren't we trying to increase our number of posters?
We don't have to completely/permanently censor him I suppose, he could get warnings, temp bans/suspensions, or maybe be forced to post that sort of shit in other sections of the forum (though admittedly there are few that are very popularly posted in, but that could change in the future).
But of all the posters here, if ANYONE deserves a ban its probably him. I say that because even if he really is just goading or trolling, he's fucking obnoxious and destructive. Maybe he has redeeming qualities (no, I Have not played his game) but does that mean that he should just get off the hook for being really fucking annoying?
I guess, really the question is how harsh with bannings are we? Who else has been banned in the past are are those banning comparable?
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malad: lately, he's been doing it whenever vellfire posts something that could be construed as feminist or about discrimination. the first time he was banned was because he uh, what was it? I accidentally revealed he visits a horribly racist forum and he refused to apologize to people calling him an awful piece of shit subhuman scum? adding the prefix to human is the only way I embellished that statement
here I go: a lot of his posts come from the perspective of living his whole life somewhere in peripheral Brazil and not having the privileges we have
He's racist, sexist, and harasses (not goads or trolls, harasses) me every time I post. How do you think potential new members feel when they see Inri's posts going unchecked? It makes us look like a community of shitheads. Half the replies to his awful posts these days is SEVERAL different people telling him to shut up. He's a toxic piece of shit and you're kidding yourself if you think his comments on women and other races are him just trying to ruffle feathers. He believes this shit, he MEANS it. Why do you believe the community should welcome such a guy? He even had a second chance since dada didn't know this account, and what did he do? The same hateful shit. Let's give him a medal for being an asshole.
e: look at the two most recent pages of his post history and defend them please
harasses? you know none of us agree with him, and if his comments aren't valid at all why does it even bother you? why read any of his posts?
the "potential new members" argument is lousy and you know it. how do you know what potential new members want to see? do they peruse every thread looking for any offensive post? would they even know it for certain if they saw it? ban ed and dday any anyone who ever said something offensive-sounding as an inside joke
mince believes what he writes to an extent. I know, I've had serious discussions with him. does that criminalize him? you're better than a guy who grew up to become inri? you like plenty of misogynistic stuff. what excuses Skee-Lo - I Wish and not an actual person? don't answer that. I like that song too.
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btw ed hasn't changed for the worse. I remember. the only reason you notice anything now is because everyone else here is the same
warped: yeah, I think it'd be better if he were penalized with a temp ban. that way if he keeps coming back and doing the same thing only to be temp-banned agian, it's really his problem
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btw ed hasn't changed for the worse. I remember. the only reason you notice anything now is because everyone else here is the same
huh? Are you saying he hasn't changed because he's always been that way or are you saying he has changed but just not for the worse?
yeah, I think it'd be better if he were penalized with a temp ban. that way if he keeps coming back and doing the same thing only to be temp-banned agian, it's really his problem
Well, really its not our choice its Dada's. Maybe he'll change it to a temp ban who knows. Not sure how I feel about this in any case.
here I go: a lot of his posts come from the perspective of living his whole life somewhere in peripheral Brazil and not having the privileges we have
mince believes what he writes to an extent. I know, I've had serious discussions with him. does that criminalize him? you're better than a guy who grew up to become inri? you like plenty of misogynistic stuff. what excuses Skee-Lo - I Wish and not an actual person? don't answer that. I like that song too.
I understand and agree with the deterministic view. and that mince may have had a shitty life and that's influencing his dickish-ness. but does that mean we should just let him post away? What's Skee-Lo btw? are you talking about Get Low? lol. nvm.
the "potential new members" argument is lousy and you know it. how do you know what potential new members want to see? do they peruse every thread looking for any offensive post? would they even know it for certain if they saw it? ban ed and dday any anyone who ever said something offensive-sounding as an inside joke
I'd say we don't want new posters to think we are ok with mince's behavior, even if it doesn't discourage them from joining (it will for most people I imagine if they saw it before making a post in the first place) there is the chance that it'll make them think that its acceptable to make such posts, commonly, and that they could do the same.
harasses? you know none of us agree with him, and if his comments aren't valid at all why does it even bother you? why read any of his posts?
Seems kind of silly to suggest that people just read and post around him. I mean, lets say SW suddenly took on tons of obnoxious ads, hey why complain? Just don't read/look at them. C'mon now.
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I think inri is very smart in being able to trigger your self-righteous outrage but in the funniest way possible. It's just weird that the level of social ineptitude has jumped an order of magnitude up the scale and no-one can no longer interpret a joke or react accordingly. Instead there's just this onslaught of offensively acting offended like the original insult mattered, like the ensuing argument even mattered. Like holy hell I'm not smart enough to respond to that but holy hell, jesus and mary burnt on bagel slices I can be mad.
The speed of some of the replies on this website you wonder if the posters actually notice the sun rising and falling. Maybe they covered their windows in tin foil? Maybe they've lost the plot?
It speaks volumes that someone can be pretty terrible and insensitive to someone who's obviously going through a bad time, i.e. they are insensitive and self-righteous then when someone tongue-in-cheek mocks them they rely on these two principles. What an outrage, I'm so offended. What's wrong with you! I want to put a pipe down your throat and vomit into it, etc.
This is probably a USA thing. Which is funny because the whole country is based on the principle that a human can be a mingebag towards another human but only as long as they're playing for the right team.
The point I was making is that you've essentially banned someone who's interesting. He might not be on your wavelength and you might be too dumb to get him but never mind.
It seems we both enjoy occasionally pissing into the wind.
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warpped: cuz his posts don't bother everyone. like I don't agree with them, but do they actually bother me on any level? no
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How does a relationship start? Not necessarily manipulating anything dude, just realizing he was being complacent and trying to better that about himself if that was infact the problem would fix it wouldn't it? So what? Throw away a three year relationship on a girl you fell in love with because she's too immature to learn how to communicate properly?
Or teach her how to communicate properly and figure out what you need to do in order to make her feel as loved as she actually is?
you're assuming she has a problem communicating because of how she handled the breakup. that's a big assumption compared to the idea that she just figured out that she didn't want to be with him, and that no easy minor fixes would change anything. like it has never occurred to you that a woman could feel loved by a man and still not want to be in a relationship with him
Really and honestly sometimes you people are the most brilliant I've ever spoken to. But imo, cases like this really show how out of touch you guys can be with REAL shit. Ain't no harm in tryin if he wants to and I'm sure he's a respectible enough person to get the point and fuckoff if she doesn't want to try to work it out or atleast talk about it.
yeah he could try that, but it'd probably be a waste of time and emotionally they'd both be worse off for it. it's not tough to see "long distance relationship" and think oh well they need to communicate their love more there's your problem. that's probably the first thing everyone thought
It speaks volumes that someone can be pretty terrible and insensitive to someone who's obviously going through a bad time
mince actually did that in this thread
This is probably a USA thing. Which is funny because the whole country is based on the principle that a human can be a mingebag towards another human but only as long as they're playing for the right team.
no, usa is based on the principle that you can be whatever you want, so if you turn out bad it's all your fault and you deserve the worst treatment as long as you're over 18 or occasionally under that age if you're male or a mother
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you're assuming she has a problem communicating because of how she handled the breakup. that's a big assumption compared to the idea that she just figured out that she didn't want to be with him, and that no easy minor fixes would change anything.
Nope, wrong. I'm assuming she is having a problem communicating because (as far as I know) her internet posts never mentioned not liking him or not wanting to be with him. Just making the false assumption that he didn't care when he did. Key part is she never went to him with it, at all. That right there is boldly underlining her communicative problems (if thats it).
like it has never occurred to you that a woman could feel loved by a man and still not want to be in a relationship with him
yeah he could try that, but it'd probably be a waste of time and emotionally they'd both be worse off for it. it's not tough to see "long distance relationship" and think oh well they need to communicate their love more there's your problem.
I dunno if she ever loved him or not but three years is a damn long time to not feel that for someone and still stay with em. It worked for three years before then? Thats not "this long distance shit ain't workin" they're well past that by now unless I'm missing something.
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lol my sister has been a guy she doesn't love and who doesn't treat her right for how long? 3 years, or is more? like she's always looking for someone better, but until she finds it she's not emotionally strong enough to break up with him - largely because they go to the same school and he's always around.
Key part is she never went to him with it, at all. That right there is boldly underlining her communicative problems (if thats it).
The KEY POINT is that there was nothing to fix, she just didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. She was probably looking for "help" online from strangers because she was still coming to terms with this fact and needed to sort out her feelings.
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long-term relationships are tough to get out of man. I know so many people my age who say they wish they weren't in one
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I don't believe that.
if you don't feel something you don't ask for help like that. She'd have known then to end it and not have tried to get help.
to each his own though dude. I get where you're coming from but that perspective on distance is pretty shitty to me. If I had to come to that conclusion then I'd have to come to terms with the fact that I will be alone for the rest of my life.
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groan
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i'm gonna stay out of the inri business, but i do have some things to say
firstly i am really sorry because this does suck and it doesn't matter how old or young you are THIS HURTS and its okay to be hurt and don't kid yourself with that "yeah i'm young i'll get over it" bullshit because that in itself is a kind of childish way of uh "self-affirmation" or dealing with this!!
you guys have been throwing around this idea that her way of breaking up was immature and i kind of disagree with that. she had decided she didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, and after three fucking years together (that is a LONG time), it would be extremely hard to get out of that unless it was completely mutual. the more talking that happens, the less closure there is. new problems come up, new solutions, we can make this work, i can change, either side getting hurt even more, dragging this thing on etc. etc. and just leading to more anguish. its a very messy way to end a relationship, or even prolonging something that isn't working for whatever reasons.
as far as the problems/reasons she broke up with you go, i don't know. maybe she could have told you about them when she broke up with you, but i'm guessing she was obviously really upset too, and also didn't want to hear the stuff you sent her in the message, because it would have made things even harder. this is all just speculation of course, and i mention it because it's what happened with me and my ex.
The KEY POINT is that there was nothing to fix, she just didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. She was probably looking for "help" online from strangers because she was still coming to terms with this fact and needed to sort out her feelings.
i agree with this.
i guess i didn;t have anything to say but basically i am really sorry, i do hope you're okay and dealing with this OKAY (from the past BIG relationships i have had i've gone from incredibly self-destructive to reasonably mature, so if you're anywhere near the center/right of that spectrum i think you'll be okay). try and stay away from booze but if you do go for it, try not to contact her when intoxicated. if you do decide to go see her, give it some time and see how things go between you two first (exchanging emails or whatever) but go punch some walls or devote yourself to something for a while. i'm not gonna say DON'T TALK TO HER because three years is so fucking long to just sever all ties but if/when you do talk to her, remember that she's dealing with this too and you guys aren't in a relationship anymore!!!
you seem pretty level-headed so i'm not gonna tell you what to do, these are just things i've done during break-ups before. you deal and handle it how you want!!
all the best pal
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What an outrage, I'm so offended. What's wrong with you! I want to put a pipe down your throat and vomit into it, etc.
This is probably a USA thing. Which is funny because the whole country is based on the principle that a human can be a mingebag towards another human but only as long as they're playing for the right team.
*bitter vagina whiff onslaught*
Now excuse me I have to go rub peanut butter on my vagina.
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Dicko - i guess that's exactly shit I don't want to hear but I won't be able to get over it any other way. I really do want to make it work but I know how hard it is to do repeats. It really complicates things.
Now here's the thing. most of you guys think it won't work out. But do you think there is really a chance at all? I really love this girl. I'm not angry with her so I don't have some 'easy way out'.
Do you really think if I fought for it, it would be futile? I'm going to either way, but how should I go about it? I know you guys aren't totally heartless bastards. What is the most ideal way for me to work towards getting her back, but at the same time not letting myself down if it doesn't work?
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shit's happening on the internet.
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No, you people shut up. Velfarre's walls of texts weren't anything except the obvious ("malad she doesn't like you, don't bother" except in 800 lines) and as a bonus she was taking offense at him illogically acting on feelings instead of pointing it out (which I did). Because only women are supposed to have all those marvelous and complex emotions, right?
Malad she probably wasn't even worth the effort in first place, get this in your head. Unless you're a social fuck up too.
Fuck feelings.
i agree with all of this
but be nice to velfarre bros, she good ppl and the only one keeping this from being a total 100% dudezone
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He might not be on your wavelength
lol fuckin' nerd i hope u meant that in the worst pun-y way possible
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shit is going down in this thread. i'm guessing we're not all moving to ed's new site, huh? tbh i'm suspicious that it's someone else in his account but i don't know the guy so... either way those posts made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. if they were directed at me, i would be furious. vellfire was unbelievably civil.
i got nothing else to say other than that y'all collectively give good advice (not all the advice is good but as a collected body it is what i imagine i would need to hear.) oh, and don't hit the bottle too hard. it hasn't been a totally helpful decision for most of the guys i know who took that route.
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Dicko - i guess that's exactly shit I don't want to hear but I won't be able to get over it any other way. I really do want to make it work but I know how hard it is to do repeats. It really complicates things.
Now here's the thing. most of you guys think it won't work out. But do you think there is really a chance at all? I really love this girl. I'm not angry with her so I don't have some 'easy way out'.
Do you really think if I fought for it, it would be futile? I'm going to either way, but how should I go about it? I know you guys aren't totally heartless bastards. What is the most ideal way for me to work towards getting her back, but at the same time not letting myself down if it doesn't work?
Hey dude.
My partner of seven years broke up with me last summer, like out of the blue. We spent the night staying up, playing worms, basically having our normal relationship, then at like 5am he comes out of the toilet and bam - "I'm breaking up with you".
People around here were intensely supportive and (dare I say?!?!) loving. They really helped me through a pretty hard time.
I digress - his immediate plan (which he'd planned for three days) was to have his parents pick him up like a couple of hours after he told me he was breaking up with me - bam, immediately gone from my life effectively. I had to beg him not to do this, and spend another day just talking to me about things.
We ended up talking for three days. At the end of the first, he was regretful about how he'd handled things. By the end of the second, he remembered everything about why he'd loved me and why we WERE together.
By the end of the third, he elected to stay for two more days, but was committed to saving our relationship. I suggested he take some time living apart from me (a month) while I got my head sorted too - the whole thing had really fucked me up as we'd have seven years of being in a fantastic relationship. So yeah, we spent a month apart.
When he came back - Bam, our relationship was as good as it ever was. We were reinvigorated and to this day we've not had any significant problems between us.
Now, there are a few background elements to this that are pretty important. Like a month after he got back, Paolo was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. For those who know about the condition, one of the major elements of it is an incredible disability in seeing shades of grey; everything is black and white. They either hate a person or love them for example - but this can flip on an instant, and they're incapable of remembering ever having loved/hated them prior to the flip. In the vast majority of BPD sufferer cases they're completely incapable of holding down a relationship or job, tending to quit both without reason every so often - the fact that Paolo hadn't broken up with me until a LONG time into our relationship is actually pretty flattering. Also BPD sufferers have huge problems sharing their ACTUAL rational feelings - they tend instead to hyperbolised emotive responses (although they feel incredibly real to the sufferer).
I digress - my point is that even though we worked it out, the reason he broke up with me DID INDEED feel like a falling out of love at the time, but it turned out not to be. It took some initial work and support, but we managed to work it out on this basis. This wasn't him being forced to be with me - no one can really achieve that without physical/mental intimidation etc, and that wasn't going on at all - it was him reflecting and deciding on what was best. Nowadays we communicate a fuckload more about pretty much everything - a lot of it down to my paranoia that he might be thinking TERRIBLE DARK THOUGHTS. Quite a few times he's shared thoughts that have made me upset and uncomfortable, but by talking about them with each other life is a lot better for both of us. Oh, also he gets some pretty extreme DBT therapy now, which is apparently the only thing that works for BPD suffers.
However, if I HAD just collapsed and allowed him to walk away with his parents a couple of hours after he told me, I sincerely doubt that we'd be together now. I'd have had no opportunity or chance to explore what the fuck was going on.
As much as people think that you don't "deserve" a chance to work it out if one person decides that's it, or they don't "owe" you anything, I'd completely disagree. This is very much true of the one-three month relationships I've had in my younger day, or even the intense three year relationship I was in when I was 13-16 - both were relationships based on immature and throwaway ideals effectively. However, when you've BUILT A LIFE TOGETHER, or devoted SO MUCH to being together, for one person to just say "I don't want to be with you, bye" without trying to work it out, is, in my opinion, morally bankrupt. There's a right way and a wrong way to end a relationship, and to do so without even trying a fix (even if it's ill-fated and will end in the breakup anyway) shows a callous disregard for your partner's emotions, and incredibly devalues their worth.
As much as people genuinely think that serious relationships are fine to just break down in one instance because one partner is unhappy about something, I'd totally disagree. Fair enough, I don't subscribe to the whole "marriage = FOR LIFE NO TAKEBACKS" thing of older generations, but I do believe that fighting for a long term relationship is an important thing, rather than just bailing immediately because something is wrong and taking no time at all to try to fix or even explore it. If you've devoted a significant portion of your life to being together, and (and this is the important point) you have both been happy for the vast majority of it, breaking it up because one party has had some doubts or feels that love has dwindled somewhat is a decision that shouldn't just be rushed into.
Doubts are normal in a relationship, as are going through periods in which your love dwindles. Have their been times when I've considered breaking up with Paolo? Yes - a few things have happened over the past (eight now pretty much) years that have made me so intensely angry that I've thought "I should be on my own" or "He doesn't deserve to be with me". That doesn't mean I immediately acted upon it though. But, then again, my feelings towards him have never changed, so I guess that's not applicable to the majority of cases maybe.
If a breakdown happens, you do owe it to your partner to TRY to salvage your partnership. Yes, yes, everyone is free to live your own lives, of course, but that doesn't mean you have to be instantly callous about everything. Disregarding a long term relationship isn't like defriending someone on facebook, or even quitting that shitty job you hate. If your lives are intertwined it's pretty much destroying the way in which two people are living their lives.
I'm not saying that everyone's situation is going to be the same as mine by the way - mental health shit, shared extreme-experiences that have created bonds, and intense love (as corny as that sounds) are all factors that only specifically applied to what I'm talking about - they may not exist in your case malad (BACK TO MALAD RATHER THAN SOAPBOX SORRY).
Malad, I tell my story not to get your hopes up, but in response to the fact that you wonder if you can ever salvage it. My answer is "Maybe, I don't know". I wasn't in a long-distance relationship, and we live together, so I had a few bonuses in that regard (after I'd convinced him against IMMEDIATELY WALKING OUT). You don't have that luxury as there's a distance and effectively you're already out of her life already. I'm really sorry about that man. I still genuinely think that, however hard it is in your case, you need to be really strong and work out how you're going to live your life as a single man for a while. There may indeed be a chance you can save what you had, as long as you think it's totally worth it, but the chance is unlikely due to the constraints on your relationship. Good luck either way man, it's a really shitty thing to be going through.
SIDENOTE: I in no way am attacking anyone in this thread with what I'm saying - the vast majority of you are people I respect, admire, and am happy to call my friends. I also don't mean to be arrogant when sharing the following thought of mine - every relationship is different and no one can really know what's going on with two other people. I feel more qualified to give some advice on this compared to people who haven't been in LTRs (or even relationships at all), BUT I still see my advice as being relative to my own specific situation, ergo pretty much having an equal amount of worth to people giving advice who haven't ever shared their lives with someone. I've shared my life with one specific person, so the experience overall is incredibly biased towards that singular situation.
(GOOD LUCK MALAD, THE SUN WILL STILL COME OUT TOMORROW FOR YOU :D !)
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jokes on you: I was only trolling when I banned mince. and I'm still trollin' him.
u mad earlchip?
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you really making that post dada.
velfs first post was a lil SA thread seriouspointsthreadover and maybe shouldn't been so worried about something pretty much all guys try to do after a breakup, but otherwise I thought it was helpful
and I'm telling you guys ed wasn't any different back when I was the only one who even noticed that stuff. he's not a bad guy.
good points faust
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I have very little to say except congratulations you guys might have actually driven vellfire out of this community.
earlchip, you're the biggest hypocrite in the world. for someone who likes to post about Important Things like misogyny you sure as hell don't get it at all. if you think LIKING A SONG disqualifies someone from making valid complaints you have a shocking lack of understanding about the subject.
you say vellfire can just ignore all of his posts if she wants to. yeah, let's run with that. being harassed? don't worry, just pretend you're not. and you say that because you can't grasp the concept:
warpped: cuz his posts don't bother everyone. like I don't agree with them, but do they actually bother me on any level? no
yeah, how could they possibly bother YOU. ergo they bother no one.
your apologies for inri are just astonishing. so yeah, first it's because he's a brazilian and he didn't grow up with our level of privilege and doesn't know better, but then you say he knows what he's doing and is doing it on purpose. what? first of all, yeah, I'm sure inri following vellfire around and then saying horrible stuff to her in the topics she visits can be entirely explained by cultural differences. and secondly, if it's on purpose and he jus' trollin' then isn't that 100% mutually exclusive with your other argument? and how exactly does that vindicate him, anyway?
you say that banning inri would get rid of one of the last bits of diversity we have. yeah, someone who's actively following around one of the only two women who still visit to post acerbic shit and is a complete bigot definitely helps foster diversity.
either you lack the intellectual understanding to see just how completely absurd your reasoning is here, or you're so invested in keeping your buddy around that you're willing to disregard every bit of logic to try and pretend he's better than he is.
then you get someone like ed posting outright misogynistic, female gender-based attacks and guess what: he's defending inri because "we were both just joking". that's the exact sort of people that are defending this guy. that, and you. and yeah, ed's "not a bad guy", according to Person Who Gets Misogyny earlchup.
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on the contrary, you just really don't get people in general. I've already posted in length about how saying and believing destructive things doesn't make someone subhuman scum, but apparently this is not something you're willing to buy
I have very little to say except congratulations you guys might have actually driven vellfire out of this community.
lol really? that's pretty stupid. I like vellfare a lot, I hope that's not true.
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earlchip do me a favor and read your and ed's and inri's posts towards vellfire in this topic and ask yourself why vellfire might not feel welcome.
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"expert on feminism"
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welp you said "you people" and mince is banned, so that leaves ed. and he like, never posts. so who does that leave? me? I drove velfare out of this community? just throw me in jail
NOT FEEL WELCOME how about the fact that every single other person in the community completely disagrees with what they're saying and is totally behind vel
then you get someone like ed posting outright misogynistic, female gender-based attacks and guess what: he's defending inri because "we were both just joking". that's the exact sort of people that are defending this guy. that, and you.
this is so stupid, but you want to play it like that: actually it's apparently only you and vel that want him gone, and several other people have posted in mince's favor, including bonzi and dietcoke. not to say either of them necessarily want him unbanned
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and me
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wow, you sure went quickly from "it sure is too bad vellfire left" to using her departure as a way of vindicating yourself.
welp you said "you people" and mince is banned, so that leaves ed. and he like, never posts. so who does that leave? me? I drove velfare out of this community? just throw me in jail
"look at how ridiculous dada is being! he's trying to blame me for everything!"
I can't speak for her but I can surely see how it matters more that people are defending this guy. inri's posts you might be able to ignore because he's insane, same with ed, but when random other people start either defending them or saying they can't see anything wrong with it or that you should be able to "take a joke", that's when you're talking about an endemic problem.
this is so stupid, but you want to play it like that: actually it's apparently only you and vel that want him gone, and several other people have posted in mince's favor, including bonzi and dietcoke. not to say either of them necessarily want him unbanned
yeah it's the great dada/vellfire conspiracy against inri.
it sure is "pretty stupid" of her to be tired of constantly having to defend herself against sexism and people like you who defend the sexists. she's just bad at taking jokes, right? she's just one big whiny crying vagina.
countdown to earlchip or someone else blaming vellfire leaving on her being a big drama queen.
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I mean you're the guy who didn't understand why vellfire wasn't really interested in having a discussion on feminism here on salt world. you claimed "we're all experts on feminism here" and totally missed how such a debate would be a just a bunch of guys who never actually dealt with gender discrimination giving outsiders' perspectives on the matter.
so again: read them posts and ask yourself why she might have made that decision.
if you're completely incapable of even empathizing with her here then I really don't see why we're even still talking.
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On a purely basic level, if inri was mince and inri was already banned then mince getting banned makes sense regardless of what he's done really.
Also I have to note - and this is no diss to earlchip at all who I know wasn't defending what mince was saying just that he has a right to say it (not that that is something I agree with as I think there're limits to free speech, but I get his position), fuck I'm rambling. Summed up: Mince was one of the people in this thread who was actually antagonistic towards the person suffering. I think he might have been the only person being actively antagonistic in this whole thread (I thought geodude was calling the OP a fucking idiot at one point, which made me all WTF geo?, until I realised it was actually addressed towards Mince rather than Malad! I did actually only realise that a while after though XD).
Like I kind of think I made it clear that I disagreed with what Vell was saying in her first couple of posts in this thread, but that doesn't mean you have to like ATTACK her and shit. You can have disagreements with friends - fuck, Vell and I argued about the use of the word "gays" before, and it didn't end up with me trying to punch her through my monitor before resorting to comments about her vagina. Even if her words were harsh initially (and as I've said, they were MEANT well and were clearly only spoken to support malad in making his choice), that doesn't mean she should be subjected to misogyny.
I really fucking hope that Vell doesn't leave over this shit. I also hope earl doesn't. I'd like to reference the fact that when I disliked earl (due to my return and being surprised at the change of community: i.e. instead of everyone sucking my cock all the time, people were questioning me OH NOES!!!), Vell went out of her way to defend earl. There's not been a problem with you guys prior to this, and there shouldn't be one hopefully. Even if earl is defending someone from being banned, he's doing that because he seems to hate anyone being banned ever, rather than agreeing with what they were saying about Vell.
Fuck, this is complicated. I totally agree with Dada concerning the banning, and feel his anger about defending his friend now is totally rightly placed. But I also think that everyone involved needs to cool off for a bit. Like at the end of the day, both earl and Dada (sorry about referring to you guys in THIRD PERSON, but I'm speaking to both of you/neither of you/whatever and I have to type QUICK otherwise I'll start rambling again oh no it started happening!!) share so many positions on so many things, and your hearts are both usually both in totally the right places.
Summed up: the perpetrator has been banned, Malad got some good advice from a variety of sources, and everyone is still pretty cool. Vell hopefully knows that she's thought very highly of by the majority of people here, but in spite of this a few people need to learn how to make a post that disagrees with someone BUT also doesn't directly attack them in an insulting way for their views. Note that I'm only referring to views which a person disagrees with, not the clearly abhorrent and prejudiced comments made by certain users.
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lol fuckin' nerd i hope u meant that in the worst pun-y way possible
Damn straight I did. If you did an FFT of the userbase here it'd be shaped like a dong.
*drinks green tea*
*adjusts pot on arduino*
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I mostly agree with Faust. Mainly about the everyone should just cool down. Except the thing about free speech. (if you think about it this isn't about free speech, its about
what you can say insulting/attacking/trolling/goading on this forum with out SOME form of reprimand, not exactly the same thing)
Earlchip and Ed - I just don't think mince's trolls/goading/insults/attacks are really that interesting and is pretty much just destructive and highly irritating. :/ Sorry. As i said before 1/5 of his posts are ok, but that's only when he isn't being a troll. He should be held accountable for his shit. And to be honest its Dada's choice really.
Barack Obama - isn't gargonherd a woman?
Malad - I'm sorry your topic has been hijacked. :( :|
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There's a right way and a wrong way to end a relationship, and to do so without even trying a fix (even if it's ill-fated and will end in the breakup anyway) shows a callous disregard for your partner's emotions, and incredibly devalues their worth.
yeeeeessssss
faust hit the nail on the head. thanks faust. And its not just trying a fix either. Even if there will be no fix and a fix isn't possible. Atleast communicating on it and coming to some sort of conclusion helps with some of the pain imo. Just dropping off like that is pretty fucked up.
Edit: I'm not getting in this inri shit again. Rape joke was def in bad taste and he should know that but inri is being inri and he was trolling again.
No, you people shut up. Velfarre's walls of texts weren't anything except the obvious ("malad she doesn't like you, don't bother" except in 800 lines) and as a bonus she was taking offense at him illogically acting on feelings instead of pointing it out (which I did). Because only women are supposed to have all those marvelous and complex emotions, right?
Malad she probably wasn't even worth the effort in first place, get this in your head. Unless you're a social fuck up too.
Like, this is pretty harshly worded but imo as far as the gist of it goes. Her reaction was pretty harsh and he does sort of have a point.
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"look at how ridiculous dada is being! he's trying to blame me for everything!"
I'm not trying to use fucking sophistry on you. you said "you people made her leave". I am the only one here who regularly posts with mince being banned and Ed only coming back to talk to his pal, ERGO THEREFORE CONCORDANTLY you're saying I made her leave. that's all I was saying dad.
wow, you sure went quickly from "it sure is too bad vellfire left" to using her departure as a way of vindicating yourself.
I don't think I did this, why are you doing this to me? you're the one who keeps accusing me of thinking of myself as a feminism expert who doesn't have a clue what feminism is. neither of those things are true, and the only reason I have to continuously mention my sympathy is so YOU don't keep accusing me of being okay with the bigoted things in this thread. you're probably not even doing this intentionally, but there you go, there's a summary of your posts up to this point. kinda odd how you can write so much about me and my shortcomings but cannot verbalize any valid argument about why you'd ban mince. get some better time management skills
I can't speak for her but I can surely see how it matters more that people are defending this guy. inri's posts you might be able to ignore because he's insane, same with ed, but when random other people start either defending them or saying they can't see anything wrong with it or that you should be able to "take a joke", that's when you're talking about an endemic problem.
but no one's defending what mince and ed said, at least not the awful shit.
countdown to earlchip or someone else blaming vellfire leaving on her being a big drama queen.
don't put those words in my mouth you dick. I didn't say that and I will not say that. I don't want her to leave, I made that clear. if I don't want mince to leave, how do you think I feel about the idea of vel leaving?
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I mean you're the guy who didn't understand why vellfire wasn't really interested in having a discussion on feminism here on salt world. you claimed "we're all experts on feminism here" and totally missed how such a debate would be a just a bunch of guys who never actually dealt with gender discrimination giving outsiders' perspectives on the matter.
how did oyu never stop and think "wait maybe he already knows that"? too busy thinking heh what a fucking idiot. VEGAN eggplant parmesan? what a dope and a dingus
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don't worry dude racist trolls are a dime a dozen
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Reply #89 and forward;
i don't have time to check the posts now but ALERTPOST/DESPERATIONREACTIONPOST, holy shit bring velfarre here by legs and let's talk this out. i really thought nobody was telling her to CHAUVINISM? HEH, JUST IGNORE IT/DEAL WITH IT rather than maybe this was a bad case of provocation. MAYBE. i think everybody is 100% behind her despite maybe ed or farren's (oh. there's dietcoke but he's a dualclass anarchist/bro, a respectable manly combo in purple orangurans eyes 2;47 :^B) view that agree more on generalizations of stereotypes or whatever.
baby please come back hoooome!!!!/i heard it thru the dadavine not much longer u will beeee miiiine/seriously let's all calm down... let's not fight...everybody looks amazed as purple orangutan smoothly replicates the dance routines of Beat It...
EDIT and before you get up against me Farren, i'm just mentioning youn only because you seem to think that just because we don't seemingly agree that gender generalizations can't be true in any way, you can reason that we have no grasp or experience of what the reality is with relationships. that's garbage and u no it. ofc they can apply but the reasons for those are more complex than you bitter experiences with your local "bad apple of a woman" (apples? how about we drop the whole fruit thing and notice that women like any people have all the spectrum of personal differences as any men).
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yeah I'll just stop posting if that is somehow making velfarre leave. I'm not gonna change dada's mind anyway
FUCKCRYPT, that's not all he was. like this is correct
Even if earl is defending someone from being banned, he's doing that because he seems to hate anyone being banned ever, rather than agreeing with what they were saying about Vell.
except that it's not that I oppose anyone being banned ever. if some random person signed up and started posting racist stuff I'd really have no qualms with having them banned. but that's not mince
not saying his posts like that shouldn't be punished. actually, I'd prefer if dada had acted sooner. but permabanning this guy is too much
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i don't have time to check the posts now but ALERTPOST/DESPERATIONREACTIONPOST, holy shit bring velfarre here by legs and let's talk this out. i really thought nobody was telling her to CHAUVINISM? HEH, JUST IGNORE IT/DEAL WITH IT rather than maybe this was a bad case of provocation. MAYBE. i think everybody is 100% behind her despite maybe ed or farren's (oh. there's dietcoke but he's a dualclass anarchist/bro, a respectable manly combo in purple orangurans eyes 2;47 :^B) view that agree more on generalizations of stereotypes or whatever.
baby please come back hoooome!!!!/i heard it thru the dadavine not much longer u will beeee miiiine/seriously let's all calm down... let's not fight...everybody looks amazed as purple orangutan smoothly replicates the dance routines of Beat It...
bonzy you're the best. I'll just send all my posts to you from now on and you can filter them through a purple orangu perspective
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if you accept some people, you de facto exclude others. if you accept people who make gross and hostile misogynistic/racist comments you are pushing out others who have zero tolerance for that kind of bullshit. i find it fucking gross to be around and if you don't understand why people like me have zero tolerance for it then you obviously just haven't experienced being the brunt of it. there are plenty of spaces where people like that can say whatever they want. misogyny is very accepted (=the norm) in most spaces. on the other hand, there are very few safe spaces. which kind of space do you want to be?
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you're the one who keeps accusing me of thinking of myself as a feminism expert
actually those were your own exact words (http://www.saltw.net/index.php?topic=83147.msg1625030#msg1625030). unless you were actually not talking about yourself when you said "most of us are experts on feminism and I'm offended you'd suggest otherwise".
and the only reason I have to continuously mention my sympathy is so YOU don't keep accusing me of being okay with the bigoted things in this thread.
but YOU ARE!
sure, you may think inri's wrong but here you are, defending him again, saying he should be unbanned. not because you never want anyone banned or because you agree with him, but because you think his misogyny is acceptable as long as he's an otherwise interesting or valuable member. you even said that if this were some random, blank slate new member, you'd be in favor of banning him. how does that not perfectly describe "being okay" with these bigoted things?
Edit: I'm not getting in this inri shit again. Rape joke was def in bad taste and he should know that but inri is being inri and he was trolling again.
"trolling" means never having to say you're sorry. it's like the "dog ate my homework" excuse, except for basic human dignity. it's also one of the easiest, most convenient excuses for racists to say racist stuff: just tell them you "weren't really serious", or that you were "only joking", and that this somehow makes it all okay that you just called someone a nappy-headed ho.
if you can't get this then you've got a major empathy problem.
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fucking canaanites.
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fucking canaanites.
Don't get me started. This place is full of fucking canaanites, as are most places, yet there are so many rules protecting them that I feel HINDERED in being able to show my TRUE BIGOTED PREJUDICES towards them :<!
I find it ironic when a canaanite would attack another group of people, given their lack of worth in G-d's eyes!!!!
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Ok, I was looking at my post history from 2009 to now and I really do get why you people are upset with my posts. I guess I've become way too bitter, pessimistic and racist due to me being a failure again in the real world when I had the chance to be someone else and I'm now spewing it on the internet, and that does make me feel kind of sorry but...
exactly how was anything I posted in here misogynist? Is it because I keep bickering velfarre because of her trivial tl;dr posts and she happens to be female, so obviously it's because I hate women for being women? I don't do that. I just don't believe velfarre has enough experience with "RELATIONSHIPS" apart from turning down everyone who has shown interest in her (HEH THIS CREPPY FINAL FANTASY KID TRIED TO TALK TO ME) to be posting in a "relationship advice thread".
I don't follow velfarre around. I don't keep refreshing her post history so I can harass her. She just posts stupid shit sometimes and I like to point it out. OOOH I'M A WOMAN I'M BEING REPRESSED sorry nope.
If I antagonized malad it's because being nice to him on the internet won't make his life any better than it is right now. Only time and finding someone who is actually worth obsessing about will do that. He can watch that rocky balboa speech if he wants motivation (it's pretty good).
Also earlchips stop defending me every time I get banned. It just keeps the drama going (but it's pretty funny)
Also dada please don't ban this account because I want to read the subsequent posts without a proxy.
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don't earl. even we ain't exactly in the same side... *earl's looks blank, then face drops in astonishment as bonzi grinning flips his hidden character card to reveal a... a RENEGADE!?* just a joke, there's no goods and bads here.
if you accept some people, you de facto exclude others. if you accept people who make gross and hostile misogynistic/racist comments you are pushing out others who have zero tolerance for that kind of bullshit. i find it fucking gross to be around and if you don't understand why people like me have zero tolerance for it then you obviously just haven't experienced being the brunt of it. there are plenty of spaces where people like that can say whatever they want. misogyny is very accepted (=the norm) in most spaces. on the other hand, there are very few safe spaces. which kind of space do you want to be?
groan, this is a good post (looks like i need to delay my sleep more) and we're spearheading right into what i wanted to bring about: i'd argue that those reasons weren't the reasons we had defended mince in any way. i find his... antagonism to OP fucking disgusting but we got two overlaying dialogues going on here which makes this topic complicated: if inri should/needed to get banned and who can get banned in a forum (or in a society in general). groan, these weren't exactly the overlaying convos but i mean that i really believe there's lot of misunderstanding+not enough clarificitation here because i can't see how else my more general discussion/more abstract level discussion lead to believe that lot of us is defending inri's action in the name of eg forum activity. in fact, even mine and earl's reasons to defend (hell, i'm CONSIDERING not defending anything for example) inri is totally different.
fuck i had a pretty good idea about whats going on and i swear i'm not trying to blow/dodge this convo into a general discussion.
but has anybody/all considered here for a second that maybe you don't know exactly what the other person knows about injustice or feminism?? are we even using exact same definitions or language here?? because i'm pretty sure we didn't get to the part where we could explore/explain properly what eg i meant about what there is to consider about banning anybody on principles like this in general (there was some good convo i had with panda some time ago which i wanted to talk about) - add to that that some of you already think that i'm fuckin' disgustin', how can i keep ramblin' on... when the case could be that i might ACTUALLY need some more explaining of your (reader's) points about what actually makes this the most justified ban in the whole universe??
like i don't think there's complete of ANYBODY'S side here really. i don't want anybody take up in arm/get on back hoofs for that btw!! i'm trying to get some sleep first!! but if you have patience with me then surely you see what a lovely pup this goblin is...
i only want Velfarre to know that this has got to be a mistake and that she needs to know that ASAP. If she still wants to drop SW in favour of SA for example then sure but not at least without complete understanding of the situation, you understand? but i definitely understand if she felt bad since chauvinism is so permeating everywhere even in smallest things + velfarre is pr. emotionally invested in the issue and reads & understands the issue well + we SEEMED to defend mince or suggest that velfarre to just stomach that shit. idk i didn't mean it that way for sure.
for all i or you know earl, your post (or mine?? fuck i thought that i needed to elaborate my point right back then but i was brainfogged) might have been a little insensitive against this background you know!!? i don't know if this is the case, i'm not judging anybody, fuck i need sleep first and i dont' want you to aggressively defend your stance atm either since that leads to more bickering on whos dunnit and who dont. everybody calms the fuck down right now!!
edit groan i mean keep discussing ofc but don't attack please, it's useless. i awfully left this post without explaining about the overlaying convos that got mixed and now we're all rl ichigos fighting for our lives to save rukia in soul society. i'm sure you all bros understand this imaginary perfectly and nod in agreement immediately, the perfect language wittgenstein only could dream of... even better: right before youre about to launch an assault, listen to hi-fidelity copy/320 mp3 of Marvin Gaye's What's Going On the song on good soundsystem (okay the 192 mp3 is enough) and recite his beautiful voice in ur minds before posting. brother brother brother there's just too many people diein...mother mother mother... become soothed, lose anger... ps: fuckcrypt please don't start throwing darts at my image in your room from now on due to this post. good health, xo, bonzi buddy.
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greetings friends
i have come here today to show you a video showing werner herzog drinking cough medicine out of a slipper
http://youtu.be/hiBv1pNR0do
this is apparently the most immediately active topic on the forum, and i think the most prestigious topics deserves an equally royal piece of audiovideo information
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Also dada please don't ban this account because I want to read the subsequent posts without a proxy.
no. you can read them as guest.
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i didnt mean inri was misogynistic, i was thinking of ed but he's not the one who was banned... i'm going to step out of this conversation because im new, i stepped in only cuz i value the stuff on this forum but wanted to express my reservations about the racism/misogynistic attacks on ppl that seem to sometimes happen. i think it's a good sign of a community when a conversation like this happens cause usually ppl dont want to deal with it at all.
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please change my username to tubberculosis_haver_90901 please
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edit: wait nvm do not change my username to tubberculosis_haver_90901 i do not have tubberculosis i was just coughing on a cookie
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hundley I was worried there I am too old to take such scares, you should be ASHAMED
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sorry ;_;
i will try not getting tuberculosis
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Honestly if you are a feminist and you quickly leave a forum because someone was a dick to you then you're going to have a huge shock later in life. Having someone post/say stupid bigoted shit to you is something that comes with the territory of joining a very opinionated group. That's not to say it's right, but running away/being shocked by it isn't the right response either.
And yes she did overreact a little. Getting all emotional and hounding someone because your in shock they broke up with you is completely normal shit.
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yeah mince might be misogynist or bordering on it
don't earl. even we ain't exactly in the same side... *earl's looks blank, then face drops in astonishment as bonzi grinning flips his hidden character card to reveal a... a RENEGADE!?* just a joke, there's no goods and bads here.
I know we don't completely agree but if I filter everything thru you first it would remove all the barbs
actually those were your own exact words. unless you were actually not talking about yourself when you said "most of us are experts on feminism and I'm offended you'd suggest otherwise".
who woudl ever read that and think "he is so serious, he really believes that" when he's talking to a woman about a community entirely composed of males
but YOU ARE!
sure, you may think inri's wrong but here you are, defending him again, saying he should be unbanned. not because you never want anyone banned or because you agree with him, but because you think his misogyny is acceptable as long as he's an otherwise interesting or valuable member. you even said that if this were some random, blank slate new member, you'd be in favor of banning him. how does that not perfectly describe "being okay" with these bigoted things?
cuz, as I've stated numerous times, I don't think it's ok and I do think it should be punished. I wish you'd done something about it sooner. but I don't think permabanning him is the correct response
if you accept some people, you de facto exclude others. if you accept people who make gross and hostile misogynistic/racist comments you are pushing out others who have zero tolerance for that kind of bullshit. i find it fucking gross to be around and if you don't understand why people like me have zero tolerance for it then you obviously just haven't experienced being the brunt of it. there are plenty of spaces where people like that can say whatever they want. misogyny is very accepted (=the norm) in most spaces. on the other hand, there are very few safe spaces. which kind of space do you want to be?
I don't buy that. he doesn't need to be completely excluded in order for us to carry the message that racism isn't tolerated here. velf's probably headed back to SA anyway, which is one of the more misogynistic places on the net besides youtube and 4chan. I don't think you're allofthetrash but anyway please don't leave
Also earlchips stop defending me every time I get banned. It just keeps the drama going (but it's pretty funny)
you don't get to tell me that
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Honestly if you are a feminist and you quickly leave a forum because someone was a dick to you then you're going to have a huge shock later in life. Having someone post/say stupid bigoted shit to you is something that comes with the territory of joining a very opinionated group. That's not to say it's right, but running away/being shocked by it isn't the right response either.
And yes she did overreact a little. Getting all emotional and hounding someone because your in shock they broke up with you is completely normal shit.
I don't know what she's dealt with but I don't think that's why she left/considered leaving. it's prob. more not wanting to deal with this shit.
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if you believe that people will say ignorant/bigoted shit to you frequently enough for it to be kind of uncomfortable, I see that as a pretty decent reason to quit talking to them.
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Honestly if you are a feminist and you quickly leave a forum because someone was a dick to you then you're going to have a huge shock later in life.
I really thought we had run out of stupid/insane opinions by now.
okay so first of all being a feminist or not has no bearing whatsoever on your tolerance for this kind of misogyny or your ability to take offense. turns out some people don't like talking to a bunch of dumb men with juvenile ideas about women, or being constantly harassed and then having to watch other people defend the harasser. she decided she wasn't gonna have a part in it anymore, and that's not exactly a strange or controversial reaction.
and second of all, what do you mean "later in life"? are you implying she's just ignorant about the real world, and its level of misogyny, and that once she grows up she'll come to the startling realization that you can't always run away from things?? do you think she's like a young teenager or something? this is just presumptive beyond reason, and it's also completely wrong because vellfire's actually far more well-read into these issues than probably any one of us and has dealt with it in real life. we talk about this sort of thing a lot and she goes out of her way to research this. she's not a naive little girl. she tells me she was shocked by this because she honestly thought you guys were better than that. and so did I, actually.
the problem is, and has always been, from the start of this topic, that you guys are siding with a complete misogynist who's been harassing one of our members, and making up the dumbest excuses in his favor whilst demonizing vellfire as having "overreacted", or being a hypocrite because she likes misogynistic popular culture. this doesn't even rise to the level of the GW I know from years ago where people still used "fag" and "nigger" as insults.
velf's probably headed back to SA anyway, which is one of the more misogynistic places on the net besides youtube and 4chan.
you have no idea what vellfire is up to.
also this isn't relevant one bit, except it's yet another way for you to brand vellfire a hypocrite, which is all you seem to be focused on besides defending your misogynistic buddy. for the record, SA actually has a good topic on feminism wherein people trying to derail or troll it get outright banned with no discussion.
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yeah, so I should just lock this now because this topic is just too insane. it's extremely sad to see people taking such GREAT OFFENSE to a horrible person getting banned.
so thanks inri and ed for being misogynists. thanks earlchip for defending inri's right to constantly harass one of our members to the point where she literally got bullied off the site. you guys are great.
sorry to malad for locking your topic. this really has nothing to do with you. if you've got an update, please make a new topic.