Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 12:22:35 am
I went in for a routine cough, and found a large mass, mostly over the right side of the lung. It appears to be cancer. We had a biopsy today, and will find out later on Friday. The mass is very large, and from one doctor's chilling pre-biopsy assessment "you'll still have time to do what you need".
I will update you later on what happens, but I'm indefinitely stepping down as staffer (I think I have more important things to deal with, huh) and taking a break from GW till this gets figured out.
I just wanted you all to know, if this turns out bad (about a 50% chance it could from what I gathered), you dorks and nerds and faggots are among the best people I've ever met, and if you ever fucking doubt that I want you to remember that I said that, because no one else will be as honest.
if you are of a praying sort, pray in your church or whatever that this is benign or something else.
I love you all. Either way this is going to be a long evil cruel haul, but I'm glad I started it with you.
Post by: pburn on May 29, 2008, 12:25:44 am
Seriously man, I hope everything works out for you man. You've been a great person on this community and have shaped my Internet life as a whole one way or another. Walk Hard.
Post by: Aten on May 29, 2008, 12:26:21 am
Post by: Eltee on May 29, 2008, 12:30:37 am
I guess this is simply terrible. We should hold a PRAY FOR STEEL GWRadio show on Friday... for solidarity, if anything.
Geez..
Post by: TFT on May 29, 2008, 12:32:48 am
Post by: Strangeluv on May 29, 2008, 12:34:20 am
Post by: ase on May 29, 2008, 12:34:40 am
I hope this turns out to be benign. You're a strong dude.
Post by: local_dunce on May 29, 2008, 12:39:49 am
Post by: tuxedo marx on May 29, 2008, 12:41:26 am
Post by: Fire Mage on May 29, 2008, 12:42:26 am
Post by: Jeff on May 29, 2008, 12:58:22 am
Post by: headphonics on May 29, 2008, 01:02:16 am
Post by: Unt on May 29, 2008, 01:06:04 am
Post by: goldenratio on May 29, 2008, 01:06:49 am
I hope everything works out well. You are a solid dude.
Post by: Rye Bread on May 29, 2008, 01:07:48 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 01:09:12 am
-There is a large mass over my sternum lung area that is not pnuemonia
-It has caused coughing fits, inability to breath, phlegmy discharge, and that's more or less it.
-Lately becase of constant coughing, INSANELY HORRIBLY PAINFUL SPAMS wracking hte chests randomy.
the good news
It's just one lump, rare for cancers that are malinant
caught it somoen what early, maybe (if malignant)
doesn't lack appetite and no fevers or weight loss
(I'm his sister btw. He's having some coughing fit now so I had to finish posting for him).
Post by: hero_bash on May 29, 2008, 01:10:53 am
Post by: ase on May 29, 2008, 01:13:14 am
Post by: Aten on May 29, 2008, 01:14:31 am
Is it possible to...uh... "remove" one lung? If so, and it IS cancer, maybe the whole thing can be removed before it spreads? Sorry, I dunno how much sense that makes :(
Post by: Pasty on May 29, 2008, 01:16:20 am
i really want to tell you that everything will be okay, but what the fuck do I know about your situation? all I can really say is that i hope you'll be okay, and that you have my LJ if you ever want to talk about stuff. you're a COOLDUDE and believe it or not, i've actually learned a lot from you even though you might not realize it. best of luck!
Post by: HL on May 29, 2008, 01:16:56 am
you're a really great dude who obviously has a lot of heart for this site (too bad everyone (not to name any forums or groups of people....) can't see that) and are v. awesome. Just stay strong, keep your morale up, and don't let it beat you. You're a strong guy, and that's pretty apparent to anyone here who has seen steeling going on. You never back down, so don't back down from this.
if you ever need people to talk to we are here for you (bb...ut...its the internet....whatev)!! Keep us updated and keep your chin up!
Quote
Is it possible to...uh... "remove" one lung? If so, and it IS cancer, maybe the whole thing can be removed before it spreads? Sorry, I dunno how much sense that makes :(
no.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 01:21:47 am
1. my mom. we lost our dad to cancer and going in for HMM WHY'S HE COUGHING and hearing cancer, she fainted and started wailing. if this is bad...I don't know what to do.
2. it hurts. cancer actually HURTS. like when you begin to treat it, the cocksuckers KNOWS you're getting bed rest and ignites that weird fleshy area that should be GUTS and makes it feel like something with fingers is getting out.
3. I don't want to die. when that hits me I get so scared. guys, I don't want to die.
Post by: Dale Gobbler on May 29, 2008, 01:24:31 am
Post by: Seawed on May 29, 2008, 01:26:50 am
I have an uncle who's suffering of cancer and it really sucks. I hope you don't have it. No one deserves that kind of pain.
Hopefully it isn't malignant.
Post by: Summoner on May 29, 2008, 01:27:55 am
I'll definately pray for you man, best of luck
Post by: Ryan on May 29, 2008, 01:31:52 am
i don't know what to say other than i hope you're alright!
Post by: Niitaka on May 29, 2008, 01:42:50 am
Post by: Drule on May 29, 2008, 01:56:17 am
I really, really hope it's nothing to be worried about man.
Post by: tuxedo marx on May 29, 2008, 02:04:34 am
Yes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pneumonectomy), but there are alternatives (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lung_cancer_surgery).Quote from: atenIs it possible to...uh... "remove" one lung? If so, and it IS cancer, maybe the whole thing can be removed before it spreads? Sorry, I dunno how much sense that makes :(no.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 02:07:46 am
I am sort of hoping this will turn out to be another stupid social experiment of yours because anything else would be horrible :(
I really, really hope it's nothing to be worried about man.
you got tricke this is my new accoutn cancernegro.
Post by: Strangeluv on May 29, 2008, 02:08:40 am
Post by: Neok on May 29, 2008, 02:10:06 am
Good luck man.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 02:13:19 am
that and I'm really sick, they drained half my blood and injected me with fairy shit, I don't feel up for a voyage huh.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 29, 2008, 02:16:20 am
Basically man, I don't think I've ever TALKED TO YOU DIRECTLY MUCH or anything but you were always one of my favorite people on GW. in fact it's probable that you are one of the main reasons I like reading GW since you are just insanely active and I pretty much like everything you post.
keep on GOIN STRONG and you will be just fine.
when do you get a biopsy or something to verify what it is?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 02:17:04 am
Oh, wow.
Basically man, I don't think I've ever TALKED TO YOU DIRECTLY MUCH or anything but you were always one of my favorite people on GW. in fact it's probable that you are one of the main reasons I like reading GW since you are just insanely active and I pretty much like everything you post.
keep on GOIN STRONG and you will be just fine.
when do you get a biopsy or something to verify what it is?
had it today. we will be going Monday to find out the results.
fuck I'm going to go crazy in this week.
Post by: Dave on May 29, 2008, 02:18:16 am
Post by: Neophyte on May 29, 2008, 02:42:43 am
Best of luck.
Post by: Terin on May 29, 2008, 03:07:40 am
Also, maybe this will sound dumb and you've done it already and the like, but definitely get a second opinion from another doctor. Long story, short: doctor's misdiagnose things somewhat often. I don't know if it'd be better or worse, but if it was a cyst or something (not sure if you can get one on your lung), then it'd be painful as hell to get rid of -- but it would most definitely not be long-drawn or worrisome like cancer.
In any case, fight hard -- you'll make it. If you're tough enough to moderate stubborn people on the web (and especially GW), I have no doubts you'd be able to kick some illness in the ass!
--Terin
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on May 29, 2008, 03:12:23 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on May 29, 2008, 05:44:12 am
I know we got off to a shaky start but I do respect alot of what you have done for gw.
In a non gay way I will pray for you.
Post by: Frankie on May 29, 2008, 06:12:47 am
I hope you'll be fine.
Post by: Doktormartini on May 29, 2008, 06:20:00 am
Post by: Sludgelord on May 29, 2008, 06:28:56 am
Post by: Emirpoen on May 29, 2008, 06:43:06 am
Post by: esp on May 29, 2008, 06:43:33 am
Please pull through, don't give up hope, stay strong.
I hope to God you'll be okay.
Post by: losc on May 29, 2008, 06:59:33 am
Be happy, don't get depressed about it.
Post by: thecatamites on May 29, 2008, 07:09:37 am
Post by: helter skelter on May 29, 2008, 07:28:28 am
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on May 29, 2008, 07:41:00 am
Post by: Christophomicus on May 29, 2008, 08:13:07 am
Post by: Clucky on May 29, 2008, 08:34:14 am
Post by: Carrion Crow on May 29, 2008, 09:04:50 am
He had the operation and it was succesful but by the time he was out of hospital he'd lost all his body fat and he was really thin from not eating (for fear of it coming out the other end if you see what I mean). He was really depressed at that point because he has always been a really strong, grand-looking guy when he was younger and to be reduced to that was a real low blow for him but he always said "I'm not gonna let it get me down."
Gradually my mum has been able to get him eating again and a year later he's apparently stuffing back Snickers bars whilst my nan isn't looking and he can sort out his garden again. That's a 81 year old ex-paratrooper-engineer from World War II beating cancer - just goes to show you anything is possible. Seeing that has helped me overcome a lot of the depression I've been hiding under for about 4 years now.
Thing I've learnt from life is that if you hold someone in high regard or even if you love them they tend to get something horrible wrong with them like a suspicious tumor. I don't know if you have it in the US but in the UK we call this "Sod's law" (e.g. "If anything can go wrong, it will" - due to bad luck). Best thing to do is to ignore Sod's Law and don't let things get you down and I believe that you can kick cancer's ass.
(We believe in you man)
Post by: fatty on May 29, 2008, 10:03:25 am
I can't possibly know how the fuck you feel right now so I have no idea what to say(other than OH GOD PLEASE DON'T DIE AGHHHHHHHH). Be strong.
Post by: Vale on May 29, 2008, 11:04:11 am
Quote
I usually don't give a shit about people I hear about in the lolinternet but damn... I actually care.
This. I may have not said much to you but you've been a sort of secret inspiration to me in my days of lurking here in GW.
Good luck Steel. (and sorry if that sounded too...strange for you)
Post by: dicko on May 29, 2008, 11:19:35 am
this is absolutely terrible, but fuck it, i refuse to even think for one second its cancer. you're a great guy, and you're going to be okay, i know it.
you just have to make sure you stay okay through this.
Post by: bonzi_buddy on May 29, 2008, 11:42:22 am
it's funny, even if i am reading the topic for the second time my mind still doesn't seem to accept the idea that YOU of all people would possibly have a cancer.
Post by: baseball19225 on May 29, 2008, 12:17:19 pm
I mean shit, for a second there I thought/hoped this would be some kinda prank or experiment on your part, but I soon realised that someone like you would never do such a thing. That's the thing, you're one of the best damn people, and I know this sort of subject is not one you'd take lightly. Holy mother of fuck this has had me kind of upset for most of the day. You are definitely one of the people who deserves this shit the least pal!! I wish we had something more than just hope here because I don't want shit like this for you man.
I know--I'm not saying very good things right now, but it's kind of hard to get everything in order here. I'm tired, and worried as all hell of course. Here's hoping that things turn out ok. I've asked for your thoughts, opinions and advice for a few years now, and I wanna be able to bug you again for em.
Post by: big ass skelly on May 29, 2008, 12:23:21 pm
God speed.......
Post by: Vellfire on May 29, 2008, 12:35:38 pm
Ugh I am pissed at my ability to think of things to say other than that. So I guess I'll just say GET BETTER man.
Post by: UPRC on May 29, 2008, 12:47:54 pm
I guess all I can say is good luck Steel, and I wish you the best, man.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on May 29, 2008, 12:49:57 pm
Beat the shit out of that cancer.
Post by: Nessiah on May 29, 2008, 12:50:23 pm
After reading this my heart fell to pieces and hoping it was a joke.
I hope you'll get through this! You're a great person :(
Post by: bible_basher on May 29, 2008, 12:57:50 pm
when gw is getting off it's ass to do something this happens
i really can't say anything other then I hope it's not malignant and hopefully you'll be fine
Post by: BlindMind on May 29, 2008, 12:58:10 pm
Bullshit aside, you're an extremely intelligent person who's done a lot for us, so I hope things work out okay.
Post by: Nightmare on May 29, 2008, 01:30:20 pm
Although I barely know you, I still feel really sorry...almost cried... :(
Post by: Kaworu on May 29, 2008, 03:13:11 pm
You have so much energy and passion in what you do, you can't let a cancer stop you, you'll overcome it and kick it's ass, because you're a magical negro!
Post by: RPG on May 29, 2008, 03:20:42 pm
I hope it all turns out okay man.
Post by: The Riddler on May 29, 2008, 03:24:17 pm
Post by: Lars on May 29, 2008, 03:31:57 pm
Good luck man. Though I'm pretty convinced there's no fucking way you'd let cancer of all things be the end of you.
Post by: Eternaldragoon on May 29, 2008, 04:10:01 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 04:17:02 pm
basically I keep fluctuating between "holy fuck I'm only 22 oh god" and "cancer? please? tupac got shot, you think cancer gonna stop me? peace homo." it's an awful cycle because I'm just sitting at home waiting to hear for the biopsy.
the chances of the biopsy saying it's NOT cancer are pretty slim, but it can be benign, very operable cancer (this is almost more likely; like the one guy said, I'm not exhibiting a lack of hunger or fevers).
I'm just in disbelief as how this happened, hey someone find me some causes so I can sue places.
Post by: Swordfish on May 29, 2008, 04:29:13 pm
Post by: Dale Gobbler on May 29, 2008, 05:10:59 pm
Post by: headphonics on May 29, 2008, 05:14:25 pm
man this is heartwarming shit from da internet (I'm pretty sure I've told at least half of you IF YOU WERE IN THE DESERT DEHYDRATING I WOULDN'T SPIT ON YOU).that one guy was your sister
basically I keep fluctuating between "holy fuck I'm only 22 oh god" and "cancer? please? tupac got shot, you think cancer gonna stop me? peace homo." it's an awful cycle because I'm just sitting at home waiting to hear for the biopsy.
the chances of the biopsy saying it's NOT cancer are pretty slim, but it can be benign, very operable cancer (this is almost more likely; like the one guy said, I'm not exhibiting a lack of hunger or fevers).
I'm just in disbelief as how this happened, hey someone find me some causes so I can sue places.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 05:19:21 pm
Post by: helter skelter on May 29, 2008, 05:22:27 pm
man this is heartwarming shit from da internet (I'm pretty sure I've told at least half of you IF YOU WERE IN THE DESERT DEHYDRATING I WOULDN'T SPIT ON YOU).I honestly don't know what we would do without you around so buckle up and kick some ass, you hear?
basically I keep fluctuating between "holy fuck I'm only 22 oh god" and "cancer? please? tupac got shot, you think cancer gonna stop me? peace homo." it's an awful cycle because I'm just sitting at home waiting to hear for the biopsy.
Post by: headphonics on May 29, 2008, 05:36:11 pm
you kind of want to MAKE A JOKE you know but the whole thing is just so terrible. i think it's probably healthy to keep a sense of humor about the whole thing but i guess that's easy for me to say
Post by: Lars on May 29, 2008, 05:39:56 pm
Post by: Vellfire on May 29, 2008, 06:05:11 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on May 29, 2008, 06:10:30 pm
Post by: last life on May 29, 2008, 06:21:39 pm
So good luckkk
But reallyy, you don't seem like someone who could be beaten by cancer. And it's probably benign, but even if it isn't, I don't think cancer could kill steel.
Post by: DS on May 29, 2008, 06:23:06 pm
Man, I really don't know what I could say here. I'm completely speechless right now, it's seriously hard to even grasp what you are going through. I hope it's not a cancer.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 06:32:38 pm
today I feel okay; part of the problem is on...monday, my legs both spasmed and since I've been lying down a lot, they are kind of fucked up and I wobble a lot. less coughing, and thank god, no muscle spasm.
I hope this isn't lung cancer.......how will it affect my dreams of being admin....
(LARS PLEASE NOTE: THE MULTIPLE ELLIPSE IS INDICATIVE OF A JOKE)
Post by: JohnnyCasil on May 29, 2008, 06:57:30 pm
Post by: Hundley on May 29, 2008, 07:10:51 pm
Post by: Erave on May 29, 2008, 07:29:34 pm
Post by: Sarevok on May 29, 2008, 07:48:13 pm
I'll try and drop by when I'm over in america in july and buy you a drink.
Post by: TFT on May 29, 2008, 08:24:24 pm
made this for you buddy
Post by: big ass skelly on May 29, 2008, 08:27:45 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 08:29:07 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 08:29:46 pm
Post by: ase on May 29, 2008, 08:33:19 pm
Post by: Farren on May 29, 2008, 08:40:55 pm
From what I've read of your posts in the past you've always sort of had various fucked up health problems right? this sucks so much.
I guess all I've really got to say that hasn't already been said is: if it turns out to be ANY sort of cancer and you can beat it. Get that shit tested and retested because there is a chance it can be somewhere else in your body and you REALLY don't want that shit to start spreading when you think you've beaten it.
But you've got my best wishes man and I'm hoping its something stupid like some dust you breathed in or some crazy shit.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 09:01:14 pm
Quote
<TwoBeers|MST3K> steel has cancer? :D
* TwoBeers|MST3K is now known as TwoBeers
<TwoBeers> man this is the best day ever
p. funny because yesterday he acted like I DONT HOLD GRUDGES HEH but congrats TwoBeers you are GW's Biggest Douche.
Post by: 2beers on May 29, 2008, 09:03:15 pm
Post by: Pasty on May 29, 2008, 09:16:50 pm
rofl
weed is bad and you should feel bad
Post by: Carrion Crow on May 29, 2008, 09:26:49 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 09:28:49 pm
rofl
sweet down to 50% so I can do this.
what the fuck did I ever do to you, seriously? like if otomon, grunthor, krinsdeath, even jeff, wanted to debase themselves to the stupid fucking shithead level you seem to have an exclusive claim over, at least they'd have a reason. but all you are, all you've EVER been, is this just unfathomable douche, and the only reason you aren't banned is because of your complete irrelevance and unexcitablility.
what makes me angry is the knowledge that it didn't have to be me, it could be Konix or Hundley or anyone with a bit of decency in them, and you'd still say the same stupid obvious mindbogglingly idiotic garbage you always do.
the worst part is I think you genuinely think you are funny for breaking dat barrier and no one does! like, NO ONE EVER HAS. are you aware of this twobeers? the closest thing to an admirer you've ever had is girlbones and I'm pretty sure he's doing it for irony.
regardless of anything, you are a complete dick and it surprises me not at all you'd be the first worthless shitgargler to show up and it really doesn't matter because even in the tiny area of FORUM WORTH, even if I were to shoot bart and keel over and die, I'd probably have done more for GW and its members than you ever will, so by that measure alone, you suck balls twobeers.
Post by: jamie on May 29, 2008, 09:33:29 pm
Post by: 2beers on May 29, 2008, 09:37:16 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 09:37:58 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 29, 2008, 09:42:01 pm
Quote
Warning - while you were typing 6 new replies have been posted. You may wish to review your post.
your topic is gonna get overthrown by html dicks or something now.
hopefully it's just an absess from yelling or something
ugh you dick, who gets cancer? you'd better get through this, you're meant to be the type that gets really old and senile. you've got too much stuff to do!!
i'm gonna pray for you dude. have fun gettin prayed for IF YOU WANT IT TO STOP JUST GET BETTER OK
Post by: jamie on May 29, 2008, 09:42:51 pm
You got me, I did it all for the yucks. Now let's see another steel rant. The first one lacked a bit in the traditional LETS WRITE IN ALL CAPS style, but you made good use of the bold tags.
seriously, do you understand other people exist? i mean you are right off the deep end here.
Post by: 2beers on May 29, 2008, 09:46:45 pm
Post by: Clucky on May 29, 2008, 09:49:15 pm
Post by: jamie on May 29, 2008, 09:49:39 pm
Post by: headphonics on May 29, 2008, 09:49:50 pm
You got me, I did it all for the yucks. Now let's see another steel rant. The first one lacked a bit in the traditional LETS WRITE IN ALL CAPS style, but you made good use of the bold tags.well the alternative to just saying it in some crass, inappropriate attempt to be funny is ACTUALLY MEANING IT but either way you're being an asshole so yeah.
Post by: big ass skelly on May 29, 2008, 09:49:57 pm
AARRRRRRGHHHH gotta say something that'll piss everyone off.
Gotta feel like twobeers is important.
Twobeers is important....! need to remember... mother was wrong, twobeers is important!
Twobeers'll make them all see it... they'll see it or twobeers will take their pretty eyes yes he will
Post by: Krinsdeath on May 29, 2008, 09:54:19 pm
either way, hope you pull through. A friend of mine just beat lung cancer and is currently recovering (and he's quite a bit older, he's in his 70s) so even if it turns out bad for you, don't give the hope up. You can beat the shit.
especially since it's going to turn out to be nothing but a big wad of pipe tobacco that your roommates unintentionally dropped in your mouth while you were sleeping
Post by: Sarevok on May 29, 2008, 10:24:16 pm
Post by: local_dunce on May 29, 2008, 10:29:41 pm
Post by: losc on May 29, 2008, 10:37:11 pm
Get well soon steel.
Post by: Xeno|Soft on May 29, 2008, 11:07:25 pm
good news: 90% of cancer survivors are Negros
Good luck!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2008, 11:32:39 pm
basically no matter what this is it'll take up the summer.
I'm also KIND OF NOT WORRIED anymore but now I'm worried that's just me tricking myself.
Post by: Medieve on May 30, 2008, 12:24:53 am
Post by: Dave on May 30, 2008, 01:17:40 am
Post by: esiann on May 30, 2008, 01:34:18 am
this feels weird and i can't really say why, possibly because these things always seem so removed from reality and so unhelpful, but i really hope you don't. so good luck, and don't worry about not worrying. you're not tricking yourself by relaxing, you're just not worrying about the unknown.
ugh this is why i never post but please feel better.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 01:39:00 am
You see steel and twobeers got into a dumb little argument like two years ago in the happy zoo and for twobeers his e-pride means more to him than anything else and that single argument is enough for him to hold a lifelong grudge.
nah, even then dude I was like WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME and he was like YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED ME
my first ever interaction with him, as in FIRST TIME I SAW HIM, he said YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED ME STEEL. dude just hates brown people.
Post by: holloway on May 30, 2008, 01:41:25 am
May I ask what on earth could have caused this? I thought you were only like 25.
Post by: hero_bash on May 30, 2008, 01:42:26 am
EDIT: I was a dumb 14 year old
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 01:43:34 am
Post by: goldenratio on May 30, 2008, 01:43:41 am
2beers that is...
[edit] hey steel this should cheer you up. i got a 24 pack of cracker jacks at sam's club, and the prizes are baseball stickers! you can bet that im gonna save em all up, and then i can mail them to you and you can stick em on your binders, your locker at school, or even your dresser! hope you like the gift see you in 21 more packs!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 01:51:25 am
Post by: HL on May 30, 2008, 01:57:21 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 01:59:25 am
Post by: headphonics on May 30, 2008, 02:06:49 am
but i mean, i'm hoping your mom's doctor friends aren't lying to her. getting her hopes up only to find out that OHGOD ITS BAD seems like a pretty irresponsible thing to do as a doctor, so hopefully their telling her that it's probably nothing is actually significant!
Post by: big ass skelly on May 30, 2008, 02:12:53 am
but i mean, i'm hoping your mom's doctor friends aren't lying to her. getting her hopes up only to find out that OHGOD ITS BAD seems like a pretty irresponsible thing to do as a doctor, so hopefully their telling her that it's probably nothing is actually significant!I've seen like 4 seperate episodes of scrubs where they show how it's bad for doctors to do this and I'm pretty sure most doctors watch scrubs for tips.
Post by: kermit the toad on May 30, 2008, 02:20:02 am
Post by: Madolah on May 30, 2008, 02:51:27 am
Post by: goldenratio on May 30, 2008, 02:54:53 am
Post by: Randy Moist on May 30, 2008, 03:47:00 am
Post by: Ryan on May 30, 2008, 04:14:22 am
Post by: Hundley on May 30, 2008, 04:54:34 am
f*ck you guy what the hell are you trying to do to me huh??????????????
i was bad enough before
Post by: DarkPriest on May 30, 2008, 05:51:48 am
Post by: Christophomicus on May 30, 2008, 09:04:29 am
I guess you're still ok since you can still use the pc..
What sort of a reply is this, hero_bash.
Post by: Mongoloid on May 30, 2008, 09:42:49 am
Should it happen though, you'd better believe I'll continue to use your name in every post I ever make for the rest of my life.
p.s. worst case scenario: you DID get to meet avril lavigne. that's "make a wish" shit right there.
Post by: tuxedo marx on May 30, 2008, 10:30:14 am
Post by: Sarevok on May 30, 2008, 10:56:23 am
It's not too big a deal if you don't because I bet GW could raise the money for it in a day
Post by: The Magi on May 30, 2008, 11:29:49 am
Keep thinking positive, studies have shown some patients respond better to treatment when they remain vigilant....
Post by: Vellfire on May 30, 2008, 01:10:44 pm
Quote
I guess you're still ok since you can still use the pc..
There was a guy just a few days ago on the Keith and The Girl forums who died (pneumonia I think, I'm not very involved in the forums but they were talking about it). He was on the forums a REALLY short while before dying. You can be really fucking sick and still use a computer man.
Also Sarevok brought up the point I came to bring up just now, so yeah man, if you need some financial help I'm sure we could throw some money your way.
Post by: Lifexplosion on May 30, 2008, 01:46:57 pm
Post by: Shepperd on May 30, 2008, 02:33:37 pm
no one's quite sure what caused it. don't smoke, dont do bad shit. shit just happens.stress. stress can do any sort of fuck ups.
and i dunno if your screaming at everybody, and your intense sense of disapproval sometimes may also be linked to this.
Post by: hima on May 30, 2008, 02:35:26 pm
@holloway
I've read that there are so many causes for cancer. Sometime you just got one and it doesn't matter how old you are too... One of my brother's friend who's only 15 years old have cancer. She dropped the school for one year. Now she's become better and can come to school now. I've seen her doing that aerobic dance with the dancing group in the park every evening.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 02:39:41 pm
stress. stress can do any sort of fuck ups.
and i dunno if your screaming at everybody, and your intense sense of disapproval sometimes may also be linked to this.
highly doubtful. I had a stressful last year, as you know, but first off wouldn't that cause something more BRAIN RELATED, and not lung? secondly, as I keep saying I don't run around screaming ASSHOLES KIKES or whatever, I'm a more or less chill guy.
also I will not ask GW for hospital money jesus christ (buy me a 360 anyways)
also also I'm amazed how many of you are like YOU DONT KNOW ME because I've recognized everyone in this topic, and it really helps.
in other news I feel just fine, but obviously that's not important!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 02:42:44 pm
how am i supposed to have any confidence in the universe when things like this randomly happen to great people and not to people that we are much better off without(2beers, george lucas, tom cruise, etc)
I couldn't help but do this when the diagnosis came. I was in bed flipping channels and she tells me and my mom falls over and I said, just on like reflex, "but I'm 22. I have cancer...and that guy doesn't" and pointed to the TV and it was that fat dude from King of Queens.
sorry fat dude.
Post by: Paranoia Dude on May 30, 2008, 03:14:17 pm
Post by: Mindro on May 30, 2008, 03:17:28 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on May 30, 2008, 03:54:30 pm
highly doubtful. I had a stressful last year, as you know, but first off wouldn't that cause something more BRAIN RELATED, and not lung? secondly, as I keep saying I don't run around screaming ASSHOLES KIKES or whatever, I'm a more or less chill guy.
also I will not ask GW for hospital money jesus christ (buy me a 360 anyways)
also also I'm amazed how many of you are like YOU DONT KNOW ME because I've recognized everyone in this topic, and it really helps.
in other news I feel just fine, but obviously that's not important!
It's pretty accepted (I think) that stress is correlated to poor health in general. Not that STRESS = CANCER, but yeah. I do hope you get better though.
Post by: Abelone on May 30, 2008, 04:03:03 pm
You're gonna pull through this because you're awesome like that.
Be positive, don't lose your smile over this and you'll make it.
Best of luck and health, Steel.
Post by: Moriason on May 30, 2008, 04:35:51 pm
Post by: dada on May 30, 2008, 06:50:24 pm
LIKE PENDULUMS ON CHAINS.
There's just nobody in this place that I respect more than you. Of all people that I've ever interacted with in some way, nobody really inspires me the way you do. And I'm not saying that because I need something for the epitaph, I'm saying it because that's how it is.
IF ONLY I HAD A CONSCIENCE.
Post by: Marcus on May 30, 2008, 06:53:14 pm
Words mean very little but... uh, I hope it's benign.
Post by: dada on May 30, 2008, 07:06:36 pm
Or maybe those who didn't study medicine should stop practicing it.
Post by: dada on May 30, 2008, 07:10:43 pm
Post by: im_so_tired on May 30, 2008, 07:47:24 pm
all i can think about is the amount of times you've been banned from here and in some way or another come back. purely your persistent attitude toward survival and resurrections in the internet world are a representation of your strengths that exist outside of the internet. if anyone is able to fight cancer it is absolutely you.
suggestion (Click to reveal)
i know this sounds silly but you could look into learning meditation from a teacher, i bet there are online resources where you can find a teacher for free. it's a great exercise for your brain and has been really positive for me.
Post by: headphonics on May 30, 2008, 07:48:13 pm
Post by: Klean on May 30, 2008, 08:11:40 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 10:15:00 pm
okay, using cold logic here and what I know
-There is a large mass over my sternum lung area that is not pnuemonia
-It has caused coughing fits, inability to breath, phlegmy discharge, and that's more or less it.
-Lately becase of constant coughing, INSANELY HORRIBLY PAINFUL SPAMS wracking hte chests randomy.
the good news
It's just one lump, rare for cancers that are malinant
caught it somoen what early, maybe (if malignant)
doesn't lack appetite and no fevers or weight loss
(I'm his sister btw. He's having some coughing fit now so I had to finish posting for him).
just fyi I was really really high when I came home which is why I was like YOU MUST...POST FOR ME.
right now I'm just trying to ignore it but occasionally I remember and freak out horribly.
Post by: Ryan on May 30, 2008, 10:18:11 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 30, 2008, 10:20:44 pm
the funny thing is I feel much better lately, just sipping robotussin or whatever. too bad I MIGHT HAVE CANCER adafsasfddfdfff.
Post by: Dale Gobbler on May 30, 2008, 10:33:41 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on May 30, 2008, 11:48:44 pm
Post by: Happy HELLoween on May 31, 2008, 02:00:47 am
the funny thing is I feel much better lately, just sipping robotussin or whatever.
sippin for some robo-trippin
good luck on monday man
Post by: Shadow Kirby on May 31, 2008, 05:20:13 am
Post by: Dark Angel on May 31, 2008, 10:23:27 am
Post by: Lith on May 31, 2008, 10:36:19 am
Post by: Fire Mage on May 31, 2008, 04:20:35 pm
Once again, I'm sad about this just like everyone else (except 2beers the douche)
Two more days until the biopsy results, hm? I really hope they're better than anticipated.
Post by: Carrion Crow on May 31, 2008, 05:46:30 pm
Post by: Sapsuker on May 31, 2008, 05:47:30 pm
I'm really sorry to hear this; I hope you'll get better and that it isn't cancer. You're an essential member to GW and you make excellent posts and arguments, and we can't have someone like that GETTING CANCER, so fight strong.
Post by: ase on May 31, 2008, 06:25:50 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on May 31, 2008, 11:38:12 pm
Post by: the bloddy ghost on June 01, 2008, 03:25:27 am
I've never been good with situations like this, but I just wanted to say that I am hoping for the best.
It kind of sucks that I do not have consistant internet anymore, but I want you to know that you'll be in my thoughts! I know you can beat this man, somehow you will find a way and you will overcome.
Post by: Casey and His Brother on June 01, 2008, 04:03:21 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 04:06:27 am
the first doctor was like IT LOOKS LIKE CANCER, the nurse was all SPEND THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT, the oncologist is all IT COULD BE 50-50, GOOD OR BAD.
and then everyone else in my life, like without exception, has been like IT'S PROBABLY JUST A LYMPHOMA THOSE THINGS ARE CURABLE or EH ITS NOTHING.
instead of having the effect of relief this has made me more upset!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 04:07:27 am
the nurse was all SPEND THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT,
fyi to anyone who is planning on a career in nursing or doctoring this is easily the worst thing to say to someone who doesn't even know what kind of disease they have or any sense of a timeline, jesus christ.
Post by: the bloddy ghost on June 01, 2008, 04:34:50 am
Post by: Terin on June 01, 2008, 04:39:55 am
Anyway, don't surrender and don't give up, dude. You're going to make it through whatever it is.
--Terin
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 01, 2008, 04:43:46 am
Post by: Frankie on June 01, 2008, 04:52:58 am
Post by: Ciel on June 01, 2008, 09:20:44 am
Post by: bonermobile on June 01, 2008, 10:01:00 am
i am listening to some marillion for you
Post by: Mongoloid on June 01, 2008, 10:49:21 am
Post by: Marcus on June 01, 2008, 11:55:06 am
fyi to anyone who is planning on a career in nursing or doctoring this is easily the worst thing to say to someone who doesn't even know what kind of disease they have or any sense of a timeline, jesus christ.
You should have asked for her number.
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 01, 2008, 12:05:14 pm
Moral of the story: Take a gun to hospital. Then they won't screw you around.
Edit: I would've blown her fucking head off without remorse. If someone who is supposed to be helping you shows pleasure in the fact you're squirming around completely helpless and at their mercy they deserve payback.
Post by: Bill Murray on June 01, 2008, 01:38:03 pm
Post by: Absynthe on June 01, 2008, 02:41:34 pm
I hope it turns out not to be cancer, because, well, that's never a good thing.
I wish you luck for tomorrow.
Post by: jamie on June 01, 2008, 03:49:07 pm
I have a massive phobia of needles and I was passing out when I had glandular fever not so long ago and this Chinese nurse who *PRETENDED* not to understand my "stop *sob* please stop" etc stabbed me 4 or 5 times before I came up with the idea of saying "I'm going to be sick" which she understood perfectly, then she fucked off.
Moral of the story: Take a gun to hospital. Then they won't screw you around.
Edit: I would've blown her fucking head off without remorse. If someone who is supposed to be helping you shows pleasure in the fact you're squirming around completely helpless and at their mercy they deserve payback.
this is stupid. first, i don't get why it matters this nurse is chinese unless she was using the language barrier to pretend not to understand you for kicks or something, and in which case what were you doing in a chinese speaking hospital? also i think nurses are probably told to just give sissies the injection they need because it's better that you are scared for a minute rather than let an illness get worse or continue.
maybe she had to poke the needle in 5 times cos you wouldn't hold still? i don't think she was all stab happy
i guess i just don't buy that this nurse was being malevolent, because i have had lots of people tell me tall tales about evil hospital staff which turned out to be a lot of crap or the people who told me are crazy in the first place. plus the whole GUNS joke bit makes you sound silly and unreasonable.
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 01, 2008, 03:56:43 pm
I really hope you don't have cancer steel! You are easily GW's most recognizable member - even with name changes your posting style is really easy to pick up on. I'd imagine you'd pretty much leave GW if you found out you had cancer? There are a lot more important things to see and experience in this world than GW.
Just... don't die... ok? Promise?
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 01, 2008, 04:25:29 pm
this is stupid. first, i don't get why it matters this nurse is chinese unless she was using the language barrier to pretend not to understand you for kicks or something, and in which case what were you doing in a chinese speaking hospital? also i think nurses are probably told to just give sissies the injection they need because it's better that you are scared for a minute rather than let an illness get worse or continue.
maybe she had to poke the needle in 5 times cos you wouldn't hold still? i don't think she was all stab happy
i guess i just don't buy that this nurse was being malevolent, because i have had lots of people tell me tall tales about evil hospital staff which turned out to be a lot of crap or the people who told me are crazy in the first place. plus the whole GUNS joke bit makes you sound silly and unreasonable.
Don't be a troll :sad:
Post by: jamie on June 01, 2008, 04:58:46 pm
Post by: Lyric on June 01, 2008, 05:23:25 pm
Post by: ImmortalDreamer on June 01, 2008, 05:46:11 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 07:35:58 pm
still worried but nothing I can do about it! all my friends fucked off this weekend (they had big plans) so I've been just sitting here watching...American Dad...
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 01, 2008, 07:43:04 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 01, 2008, 07:47:07 pm
also it's sunday afternoon here. i imagine he'll be going in tomorrow morning or afternoon (so 18-24 hours i guess?).
Post by: Fire Mage on June 01, 2008, 07:56:35 pm
It's Monday already, what time do the results come back?Where do you live?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 08:00:37 pm
hey wait! she made a pretty crass mistake but she didn't really tell you that you had cancer and the SPEND ALL THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT was probably said with good intentions. i don't think it's fair to try to get her fired over it. that's someone's LIVELIHOOD man.
except it's against every professional code of ethics, mostly because of shit like this. apparently there's no real way to tell what it is by a CAT scan alone (if there was, a biopsy would be completely unnecessary) and she has no right to give that kind of information out anyways, so yeah fuck her you don't get to tell me I'm going to die when you have no idea!
I basically told my mom's doctor friend who works at the hospital and she went berserk because that's apparently so against regulations that hospitals get sued over it all the time.
Post by: Alec on June 01, 2008, 08:13:36 pm
and also good luck!
Post by: headphonics on June 01, 2008, 08:19:50 pm
except it's against every professional code of ethics, mostly because of shit like this. apparently there's no real way to tell what it is by a CAT scan alone (if there was, a biopsy would be completely unnecessary) and she has no right to give that kind of information out anyways, so yeah fuck her you don't get to tell me I'm going to die when you have no idea!i'm just saying she didn't even say that in so many words and you're a vindictive faggot if you're seriously going to try to get her fired just because she SLIPPED UP and you want to fuck her over for it. i don't really see how you can talk about ethics and then at the same time actively pursue trying to fuck someone over because WELL SHE SAID SOMETHING THAT COULD BE CONSTRUED AS TELLING ME I HAVE CANCER. it's not a good thing to do and you can't just selectively apply ideas of right and wrong because you don't like the person! it would be one thing if she was just going to get disciplined but the punishment doesnt fit the crime at all and the only reason she'd be fired is because like you said the hospital just doesn't want to get sued! if you discount the legal ramifications then saying something like that, WHILE PRETTY BAD, isn't "fuck you you're fired" bad.
I basically told my mom's doctor friend who works at the hospital and she went berserk because that's apparently so against regulations that hospitals get sued over it all the time.
heh... that'll teach you to say something you shouldn't have.... hope ya dont have any dependents or bills you need to pay...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 08:31:58 pm
i'm just saying she didn't even say that in so many words and you're a vindictive faggot if you're seriously going to try to get her fired just because she SLIPPED UP and you want to fuck her over for it. i don't really see how you can talk about ethics and then at the same time actively pursue trying to fuck someone over because WELL SHE SAID SOMETHING THAT COULD BE CONSTRUED AS TELLING ME I HAVE CANCER. it's not a good thing to do and you can't just selectively apply ideas of right and wrong because you don't like the person! it would be one thing if she was just going to get disciplined but the punishment doesnt fit the crime at all and the only reason she'd be fired is because like you said the hospital just doesn't want to get sued! if you discount the legal ramifications then saying something like that, WHILE PRETTY BAD, isn't "fuck you you're fired" bad.CONSTRUED AS TELLING ME.
heh... that'll teach you to say something you shouldn't have.... hope ya dont have any dependents or bills you need to pay...
dude she SAID I HAVE CANCER. she said "I'm afraid this does looks like cancer" and there was no follow up with COULD BE ANYTHING THOUGH and then told me I was going to die very soon. this isn't selective telling or whatever, fuck her. you don't tell someone it looks like they have cancer when you don't know how is this an ethical grey area???
the point of this is so she doesn't fucking do it to anyone else! first off it's incredibly just...gross, I guess, to tell someone they have cancer in a public emergency room (my mom fell over and was sobbing and this was all in the emergency room, not in a doctor's confidence), and then when you don't actually know and you're not a doctor, basically fuck you get a new job.
fuck her dependents and bills, this is my life she's talking about. a nurse has no right to tell me a diagnosis that she doesn't know about. the reason this is MAY instead of DO have cancer is because of an oncologist who said it could be any number of things and the biopsy would reveal more. the nurse told me I had cancer and was probably going to die. I have no problem getting her fired.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 08:34:16 pm
blood test?
nah it's okay you've been coughing a lot and had sex last week, even though that could be anything, it's cool, you got AIDS, lemme tell your mom in front of all these people.
Post by: ImmortalDreamer on June 01, 2008, 08:50:46 pm
Post by: Indalecio on June 01, 2008, 09:02:38 pm
As much as it seems like a dick thing to do, I have to agree with Steel on this. You don't tell someone shit like that without being sure, especially in public. Health Care is one of those professions where you have to do your job right or your going to cause someone else emotional, mental, or physical damage. If she couldn't even realize the major issue with what she did, she should not be working at a hospital.
yeah pretty much this
You don't say shit like that in a medical profession.
Post by: headphonics on June 01, 2008, 09:12:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 09:15:48 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 01, 2008, 09:39:23 pm
CONSTRUED AS TELLING ME.but yeah i wish you'd elaborated instead of just saying she told you to spend all the time you have left because thats really not nearly as bad as heh you gonna die browny.
dude she SAID I HAVE CANCER. she said "I'm afraid this does looks like cancer" and there was no follow up with COULD BE ANYTHING THOUGH and then told me I was going to die very soon. this isn't selective telling or whatever, fuck her. you don't tell someone it looks like they have cancer when you don't know how is this an ethical grey area???
the point of this is so she doesn't fucking do it to anyone else! first off it's incredibly just...gross, I guess, to tell someone they have cancer in a public emergency room (my mom fell over and was sobbing and this was all in the emergency room, not in a doctor's confidence), and then when you don't actually know and you're not a doctor, basically fuck you get a new job.
fuck her dependents and bills, this is my life she's talking about. a nurse has no right to tell me a diagnosis that she doesn't know about. the reason this is MAY instead of DO have cancer is because of an oncologist who said it could be any number of things and the biopsy would reveal more. the nurse told me I had cancer and was probably going to die. I have no problem getting her fired.
still though i probably wouldn't PURSUE HER JOB because idk i am what some people might call a... "compassionate individual" and empathize with other human beings maybe you should try it steel??? you are still coming off as kind of vindictive and not level-minded about the whole thing tho! i think it would be better to show the empathy and good conscience that she evidently lacked and GIVE HER A BREAK or w/e because she'd probably be more likely to understand what she did wrong than if she just got fired! that part seems pretty unnecessary and idk i'm not crazy about FUCKING UP PEOPLES' LIVES, especially if it includes potential children they might have, just because they did something dumb to me that ultimately aside from WORRYING ME TO HELL didn't have much of an effect. i'd feel pretty bad about it. i don't really understand this desire to want her to pay, to be honest, and i've had people do pretty shitty things to me in the past (not tell me i'm going to die, but uh, pretty shitty nonetheless).
Post by: Strangeluv on June 01, 2008, 09:43:29 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 01, 2008, 09:46:25 pm
Post by: Neok on June 01, 2008, 09:48:11 pm
I'd talk to her first though, and figure out why she said those things. Cause I mean, I know you want revenge and all, but I really have to wonder how much better you'll feel by kicking someone down over what could just be an honest mistake.
Post by: headphonics on June 01, 2008, 09:50:33 pm
dont do this to yourself. it'll destroy ya
Post by: dada on June 01, 2008, 09:58:23 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on June 01, 2008, 10:27:42 pm
Post by: Xeno|Soft on June 01, 2008, 10:31:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 10:32:37 pm
Telling someone they have cancer and that they should "spend their time" is extremely dangerous. It is absolutely not something you should do if you're not a thousand percent sure (of course, you should also have the credentials to say such a thing). Who knows what the patient or his family might end up doing? The incident should be reported and she should be punished accordingly. Since hospitals can get sued over this, they will probably decide to terminate her contract. That's the way the market works, unfortunately for her.
yeah dudes this. why would I care about EYE FOR AN EYE? you realize that like...this is incredibly horrible to do, right? like someone less psychologically stable (LoL) would probably do something drastic. there's a reason you don't tell people awful diagnoses in public.
like...do you think people shouldn't be fired at all for anything or something here? this is like the WORST POSSIBLE THING TO DO, honestly, and most of you would be okay with someone being fired if they messed up an order for the fifth damn time or whatever. it's not like she meant to say something nicer and was like OH SHIT I MEAN IT JUST LOOKS LIKE IT IT'S HONESTLY PROBABLY SOMETHING ELSE, she meant to tell me you're gonna die.
this isn't vindictiveness; if she's right or wrong, I don't care. there are other people out there she's going to make this mistake on and I'd rather she get fired. fuck compassion, you're telling people they are going to die! there's no issue of compassion there, if anything the compassionate thing to do is to stop the person from doing it again!
seriously this isn't some little fuck up like "well we have to do the xray again", this is a woman who told me I was going to die when she had no idea if I even had cancer or am even REALLY SICK, just that I have a lump in my chest that can mean anything from tuberculosis to a childhood scar. that's really fucked up and obviously scared the shit out of me (I wouldn't make a topic saying I'M GONNA DIE I THINK if it didn't) and I do not care about her twenty kids, you don't tell people they are going to die when you don't actually know they are going to die, you don't tell them in a public emergency room without even so much of a warning, and you don't tell them when you aren't even qualified to tell them.
there's a reason it's called a profession, because there's some degree of professionalism involved and this was highly against that.
it would be sad if you did have cancer and spent your days going to court to testify againts a nurse .-.
...have you ever leveled a complaint against anyone before? you don't go to COURT what the fuck.
Post by: Mongoloid on June 01, 2008, 10:52:28 pm
i mean, if you don't have cancer, then eventually you'll get better, and yea you had a pretty bad week cause of her, but you're still alive right?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 10:54:49 pm
someone who does not know if I have cancer or not told me and my mother that I had cancer and was going to die while operating under an official capacity at a hospital, how is this somehow forgivable?
STEEL...DONT MAKE THE LAST THING IN YOUR LIFE REVENGE for fuck's sake are you kidding?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 10:55:18 pm
Post by: Strangeluv on June 01, 2008, 11:01:33 pm
Post by: Fire Mage on June 01, 2008, 11:25:28 pm
Steel, yeah the woman is an insensitive bitch but getting her fired is an eye for an eye."An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" - Gandhi
:(
Nah but really she has no right to say that shit, it's in her job NOT to say anything like that. She's not a doctor.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 01, 2008, 11:29:15 pm
How about just telling her about it so she won't do it again and tell her that she could be fired for it instead of having her fired for it
jesus christ I dont know who the fuck she is. this isn't Denny's, I'm not going to show up at her shift and give her friendly advice about not telling people they have cancer when she doesn't know it. if you're going to be that grossly incompetent and you're dealing with people's lives, I don't really see friendly advice from a magical negro as the solution.
Post by: headphonics on June 01, 2008, 11:36:14 pm
also
Quote
like...do you think people shouldn't be fired at all for anything or something here? this is like the WORST POSSIBLE THING TO DO, honestly, and most of you would be okay with someone being fired if they messed up an order for the fifth damn time or whatever. it's not like she meant to say something nicer and was like OH SHIT I MEAN IT JUST LOOKS LIKE IT IT'S HONESTLY PROBABLY SOMETHING ELSE, she meant to tell me you're gonna die.nah that's not what it is. she made a huge huuuuge mistake but i'm mostly not big on people being fired over mistakes that didn't actually REALLY hurt anyone. like, i think in this case it'd be pretty obvious to her how she fucked up and probably not something she'd ever do again if she knew how close to being fired she came over it, so i don't even feel like you're really protecting anyone else from her. if the person she'd told had done something drastic then that is one thing, but BIG PICTURE it hasn't really done a whole lot to you and this isn't really the type of mistake you don't learn from, so losing her job over it seems like a shame.
ps was she hot
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 01, 2008, 11:37:01 pm
maaaan this is so weird.
the first doctor was like IT LOOKS LIKE CANCER, the nurse was all SPEND THE TIME YOU HAVE LEFT, the oncologist is all IT COULD BE 50-50, GOOD OR BAD.
and then everyone else in my life, like without exception, has been like IT'S PROBABLY JUST A LYMPHOMA THOSE THINGS ARE CURABLE or EH ITS NOTHING.
instead of having the effect of relief this has made me more upset!
Lymphomas are not to be taken lightly... Depending on the kind, it can be really devastating. My dad was left with sequels for life because of a Lymphoma.
Additionally, I'm not even sure a lymphoma can develop INSIDE the lungs.
Post by: The Magi on June 01, 2008, 11:39:50 pm
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 01, 2008, 11:44:54 pm
Post by: Sarevok on June 01, 2008, 11:48:24 pm
The good news here though is that when we find out it's just an oversized gobstopper you swallowed that got stuck in your throat (wishful thinking :gwa:) you can sue that nurse, make a bomb and be rich for life.
Post by: Neok on June 02, 2008, 12:02:22 am
- You complain to the hospital for what the nurse did.
- Hospital doesn't want to get sued, so fires the nurse.
- Nurse goes home and cries and possibly becomes vindicative.
- Hospital has to take the time and money to interview, hire and train a new nurse, who'll probably take some time to get used to procedures. Lots of bullshit occurs and everyone is upset about the extra work that needs to be done now to get back to the way things were before. So while the "right" thing was done, it pretty much puts a damper on everyone's life (except yours I guess). Also, you made a girl cry :(.
Or..
- You tell the nurse that what she did was unacceptable and that she could be fired for it. Hopefully if she's gotten this far in life, then she'll understand what you mean and won't do it again. People ARE capable of changing and improving after all.
Considering she's your nurse, aren't you going to see her again at some point? I don't know cause I've never been hospitalized, but I don't think it'd be that difficult to get in contact with her. And I mean like, if you're willing to go to the trouble of filing a complaint, its probably not that much of a step up to ask whoever your nurse is now, if you could see that particular nurse.
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 02, 2008, 12:03:39 am
Case in point: My friend told me a story about his uncle John who was diagnosed with cancer and one of the doctors told him that he had 3 months to live. With this knowledge, John sold all his assets including his house, cars, basically everything, and then donated the money to charity. 3 months later he was still alive... and... jesus, 6 YEARS later he's actually doing pretty okay! But he sued much earlier than that, oh yes. The hospital was going shit shit when John's lawyers came knocking on the door and, long story short, they settled and he was given 2 million dollars.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 12:10:14 am
You people don't understand how medicine works. A doctor is never 100% sure of anything... Plus the fact it's not really against any ethical code to say that... It would be a different story if she had grabbed your medical record and written cancer on it or some shit like that. And how do you know she does not have experience with cancer and maybe it really looked like it? Or maybe she had had a shit week, was stressed out and misinterpreted the image? Chill the fuck out, anyone can commit mistakes and suing/getting someone fired for a comment is most certainly the douchest thing you could do.
uh...apparently you don't know anything about how medicine works. you are right a doctor is not 100% sure of anything that is why you don't tell a patient about a possible diagnosis until later and in private and after you've done some tests. it's completely against EVERY medical ethics code, what's wrong with you? you think nurses have any right to go and tell people they have cancer when they don't actually know? what if, god willing, I don't have cancer and it in fact is pneumonia (something she specifically ruled out)? do you know what PROFESSIONAL ETHICS are? oh whoops she got stressed because her boyfriend yelled at her and told me I was going to die of cancer are you fucking dense? on the worst day of my life I wouldn't fuck up that bad, and you're telling me it's just a comment.
this isn't some mistake, this is telling someone they are going to die. SOME MISTAKE, are you nuts? aren't you training to be a doctor, what's wrong with you?
Quote
nah that's not what it is. she made a huge huuuuge mistake but i'm mostly not big on people being fired over mistakes that didn't actually REALLY hurt anyone. like, i think in this case it'd be pretty obvious to her how she fucked up and probably not something she'd ever do again if she knew how close to being fired she came over it, so i don't even feel like you're really protecting anyone else from her. if the person she'd told had done something drastic then that is one thing, but BIG PICTURE it hasn't really done a whole lot to you and this isn't really the type of mistake you don't learn from, so losing her job over it seems like a shame.
ps was she hot
what BIG PICTURE is there? like, you people are acting like this is someone getting a mechanic's order wrong and putting some tires on. what do you expect me to do? I don't know this woman's name, being that shortly after being introduced to her she told me I was going to die and that detail kind of escaped me with my mom falling wailing to the floor. the only option I have is to write to the hospital and tell them some woman who worked a shift that day told me I was going to die and yeah she'll probably be fired for it but I think you're seriously comparing a loss of a job to essentially proclaiming a death sentence on someone (regardless of whether or not it's valid) and I don't think that's too bad of a tradeoff.
maybe everyone thinks I'm going to regularly interact with this person or even see them again? because that's not how hospitals work!
Post by: Neok on June 02, 2008, 12:12:16 am
We're just debating whether he should or shouldn't.
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 02, 2008, 12:12:55 am
Of course he has the right to. She's the one who screwed up, and because of it, he and his mom are potentially traumatized.I'm saying he has the right to, and should.
We're just debating whether he should or shouldn't.
Post by: baseball19225 on June 02, 2008, 12:14:54 am
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 12:16:46 am
Post by: Neok on June 02, 2008, 12:17:52 am
I'm saying he has the right to, and should.
I'm guessing this is what'll happen if he does:
Quote
- You complain to the hospital for what the nurse did.
- Hospital doesn't want to get sued, so fires the nurse.
- Nurse goes home and cries and possibly becomes vindicative.
- Hospital has to take the time and money to interview, hire and train a new nurse, who'll probably take some time to get used to procedures. Lots of bullshit occurs and everyone is upset about the extra work that needs to be done now to get back to the way things were before. So while the "right" thing was done, it pretty much puts a damper on everyone's life (except yours I guess). Also, you made a girl cry :(.
All in the name of preserving the justice..
EDIT:
Quote
ps was she hot
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 12:18:04 am
not so sick that he cant have big arguments--with bazookatooth no less...........hes gonna go out like he lived....
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 12:24:41 am
Considering she's your nurse, aren't you going to see her again at some point? I don't know cause I've never been hospitalized, but I don't think it'd be that difficult to get in contact with her. And I mean like, if you're willing to go to the trouble of filing a complaint, its probably not that much of a step up to ask whoever your nurse is now, if you could see that particular nurse.
no I won't be seeing her again. I'm at home, I don't HAVE A NURSE or whatever.
I just don't get why I'm sparing this woman's job when, let's face it, she's ruined my week. and I don't mean like UGH I DIDN'T GO TO CHARLOTTE THIS WEEKEND TO HANG WITH SREDNI, but I'm 22 years old and considering what I should do before I die (although right now and hell usually when I'm at GW I try and keep those thoughts distant), that's not something I should have to do. my dad died of cancer so my mom has just been a wreck and praying constantly and keeps putting weird hindu stones on my head and all this shit because she's scared shitless, as am I!
am I angry at her, of course I am, but this isn't vindictiveness, this is a basic job requirement that she's failed and spectacularly at that. even if this is cancer, she didn't deal with it in the right way at all and that was really fucked up. so yeah, what the fuck. also as I said earlier, my mom's doctor friend essentially begged me to file a complaint since this kind of shit is stuff they need to improve and even if she doesn't get fired (which if she's as magically competent as GW seems to think she is she won't be) it's something the hospital needs to address anyways.
big picture means in the grand scheme of things you worried for a few days WHICH SUCKS but it's not like you did anything that you shouldn't have as a result of what she told you. in a few weeks or months or years or whatever you will be like "man those few days were terrible" but it won't really have any lasting impact whatsoever aside from maybe putting you in touch with your own mortality, which is arguably a good thing. i don't really think she's a danger to other patients and like i said this doesn't seem like it will have any negative lasting effect so it's kind of EHHHH to try to get her fired which VERY WELL MIGHT have a huge lasting effect for her and possibly her family.
that's a whole lot of presumption based on nothing that she's not going to do this again and this shit has been pretty traumatic for my family as a whole so it's not just "worrying for a few days", so yeah fuck her etc. everyone seems to ignore this is her job and she fucked it up pretty goddam badly!
like, I think everyone saying "no steel dont" is ignoring the fact that this was passing a death sentence on someone else, not just "whoops forgot your middle initial". I don't really know what qualification there is for being fired short of her actually KILLING or HARMING me there is, and I disagree that there is none! there's basic professional ethics and when you violate them so grossly, get fired.
Quote
- You complain to the hospital for what the nurse did.
- Hospital doesn't want to get sued, so fires the nurse.
- Nurse goes home and cries and possibly becomes vindicative.
- Hospital has to take the time and money to interview, hire and train a new nurse, who'll probably take some time to get used to procedures. Lots of bullshit occurs and everyone is upset about the extra work that needs to be done now to get back to the way things were before. So while the "right" thing was done, it pretty much puts a damper on everyone's life (except yours I guess). Also, you made a girl cry :(.
that's stupid. that's like saying no one should be fired for anything ever because OH NO; YOU HAVE TO HIRE SOMEONE NEW AND THE PERSON WHO GOT FIRED WILL BE SAD.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 12:27:12 am
not so sick that he cant have big arguments--with bazookatooth no less...........
honestly this stupid little derail keeps my mind off the fact that someone told me I'm going to die not that long ago and I find out whether or not tomorrow at like 2:30.
but thanks adeline you grounded that little plane.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 12:27:57 am
I would want to be taught a lesson".
Post by: Terin on June 02, 2008, 12:29:50 am
(aside from the prior posts about the arguing about the nurse) I noticed your comment about the possible mold. I went to see my little sister today, and I was reminded, she actually had a growth which ended up being mold, growing on the outside of her stomach/esophagus. They put her on some antibiotics for a few months and she kicked that shit goodbye.
So hopefully that's a possibility too and they don't even have to cut you open or anything. Anyway, it's a little more common than I thought (the mold), so thought I'd bring that up -- hopefully you're all good! Best luck with the results tomorrow!
--Terin
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 02, 2008, 12:34:22 am
big picture means in the grand scheme of things you worried for a few days WHICH SUCKS but it's not like you did anything that you shouldn't have as a result of what she told you. in a few weeks or months or years or whatever you will be like "man those few days were terrible" but it won't really have any lasting impact whatsoever aside from maybe putting you in touch with your own mortality, which is arguably a good thing. i don't really think she's a danger to other patients and like i said this doesn't seem like it will have any negative lasting effect so it's kind of EHHHH to try to get her fired which VERY WELL MIGHT have a huge lasting effect for her and possibly her family.
ahaha what about the next 10 patients that take up bullfighting and donate their organs etc when the nurse diagnoses the doctors thumbprint in an x-ray as terminal cancer?
edit: it's be awesome if it was mold if only for the jokes we can make
Post by: baseball19225 on June 02, 2008, 12:35:47 am
honestly this stupid little derail keeps my mind off the fact that someone told me I'm going to die not that long ago and I find out whether or not tomorrow at like 2:30.fuck sorry about that pal. you know i wouldn't mean to do that!! :(
but thanks adeline you grounded that little plane.
Post by: Neok on June 02, 2008, 12:38:31 am
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 12:40:32 am
Quote
that's a whole lot of presumption based on nothing that she's not going to do this again and this shit has been pretty traumatic for my family as a whole so it's not just "worrying for a few days"nah i don't think it's that much presumption! like, if you knew you said something that so clearly devastated a family and could've lead to much much worse (suicide, LIQUIDATING ASSETS, w/e), and that you almost got fired for it, do you really think you'd do it again? i mean i am really just assuming she has BASIC INTELLIGENCE and is capable of learning from very obvious mistakes! also, i know it makes me sound like a dick but but if this turns out to be nothing then what more was it than just worrying for a few days? we had a pretty similar BIG OL SCARE in my family when i was a teenager and while it wasn't the fault of misinformation, it was PRETTY FUCKING SCARY for a few days but after we found out it was nothing, you know what? we just moved on! i don't think it had any long-term effect on my family but maybe you are different in this respect idk. i still remember it as a pretty big scare and a really bad week full of worries but after that it wasn't really a big deal.
Quote
ahaha what about the next 10 patients that take up bullfighting and donate their organs etc when the nurse diagnoses the doctors thumbprint in an x-ray as terminal cancer?well like i said ONCE YOU'RE CALLED ON IT this is the kind of mistake i really think you don't make again!
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 12:44:05 am
perhaps... perhaps he was more right than he could ever have known
Post by: big ass skelly on June 02, 2008, 12:45:10 am
edit: and see it in her eyes (her beautiful eyes)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 12:45:59 am
fuck sorry about that pal. you know i wouldn't mean to do that!! :(
I'm kidding dude don't worry about it.
honestly if this is cancer I'll probably be around a few more years HEH just because of all the medications and stuff, but similarly I can't imagine gaming world would really be on my interests list at that juncture!
so for the enemies of magical negro this is a good thing....gets him out of our craw heh.
a fun little side effect of all this has been that because of this intense frightening muscle spasm I got from all the drugs and lying around all day (I mean, RIDICULOUS, you could see the individual muscles in my stomach suddenly extending, it was like alien) I ended up overdosing on some narcotics and apparently did and said a lot of shit I don't remember, the last of which was the post in this thread that I made my sister finish (this became intensely important).
then I apparently lay down and started talking about how high I was, how there was a dog in the corner, and how the room was going red and yellow constantly. I also met with a lot of people and don't remember them being there (sadly and rather racistly just filing them under SOME INDIAN PERSON WAS IN THE ROOM). Steve was here too briefly and I have almost no memory of that!
nah i don't think it's that much presumption! like, if you knew you said something that so clearly devastated a family and could've lead to much much worse (suicide, LIQUIDATING ASSETS, w/e), and that you almost got fired for it, do you really think you'd do it again? i mean i am really just assuming she has BASIC INTELLIGENCE and is capable of learning from very obvious mistakes! also, i know it makes me sound like a dick but but if this turns out to be nothing then what more was it than just worrying for a few days? we had a pretty similar BIG OL SCARE in my family when i was a teenager and while it wasn't the fault of misinformation, it was PRETTY FUCKING SCARY for a few days but after we found out it was nothing, you know what? we just moved on! i don't think it had any long-term effect on my family but maybe you are different in this respect idk. i still remember it as a pretty big scare and a really bad week full of worries but after that it wasn't really a big deal.
well like i said ONCE YOU'RE CALLED ON IT this is the kind of mistake i really think you don't make again!
I just don't see how I am supposed to magically find this nurse and pull her aside and give her a kind talking to when I don't even know her name. seems a lot easier just to file a complaint and like I said, if she's really a good nurse they will just be like CHRIST [name] WHATS WRONG WITH YOU NEVER DO THAT AGAIN and if she's not hooray got rid of a shitty employee who is telling people they gonna die.
also NO OFFENSE this is kind of worse for my family just with the huge history of cancer deaths in it (almost my entire father's side). like, my mom will probably need some therapy that she no doubt won't get because moms are like that, because this really fucked her up.
man vb always used to talk about how you probably had moldy balls
perhaps... perhaps he was more right than he could ever have known
you tell a guy one fact.............he never lets it go.
nah but we had a broken window at our apartment and all this water fell in and stained the walls and filled the air conditioner and we didn't want to lose the deposit so we never told anyone which is why I really think if it's anything, it's mold!
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 12:46:26 am
that bitch needs punk'd
Quote
also NO OFFENSE this is kind of worse for my family just with the huge history of cancer deaths in it (almost my entire father's side). like, my mom will probably need some therapy that she no doubt won't get because moms are like that, because this really fucked her up.yeah i guess that's true! we haven't had any major deaths from cancer in my family so yeah. it was still a pretty bad week though so it's not like i don't know where you're coming from, although there is a difference i guess between OHGOD I MIGHT DIE and OHGOD MY MOM MIGHT DIE.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 12:47:21 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 02, 2008, 12:56:54 am
Post by: baseball19225 on June 02, 2008, 01:10:14 am
I'm kidding dude don't worry about it.*PHEW*
I was about to post again because I felt REALLY bad about doing that, and obviously had no intention to ruin moods or whatever. I mean I was just going OHG OD I'M THE WORST here at work.
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 01:11:50 am
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on June 02, 2008, 01:44:36 am
Yeah on the topic of fire the bitch/don't make her cry, I'd say tell the hospital and don't be guilty at all. Obviously this was the conclusion you've already come to, but still, to the other people saying oh the humanity why would you make this girl cry... Come on. You don't tell a guy, without proof, that he's got cancer and he should live out his last days. It's just, it's just STUPID, really.
Anyway I'll send you a cake or something!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 02:17:13 am
I'll probably come back and edit the threat ITS COOL IT WAS JUST MOLD or something but anyone who is religious pray I guess and we'll see how it all folds out.
Post by: losc on June 02, 2008, 02:19:40 am
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 02, 2008, 04:19:19 am
It's Monday already, what time do the results come back?Holy shit, my sense of time is off. For some reason, I was thinking it was Monday here already!
It was actually in the afternoon of Sunday that I posted that, I am in the EST timezone GMT -5.
Post by: Marmot on June 02, 2008, 05:53:14 am
Post by: dada on June 02, 2008, 06:24:48 am
*clicks tongue* this nigga can't even possibly die without causing controversy...Hahaha, I was just thinking this. :dopefish:
Guy wants to go out with a bang!
ah dada, so cold... so calculating. perhaps neither of you have heard of this word, it's called......................mercyWhen I cudgel the poor and hapless to death on the breaking wheel I always give them the coup de grâce!
Post by: GirlBones on June 02, 2008, 08:11:41 am
w/e
i hope you don't die
i hope that if you do die you find a way to be less grumpy before you go
because
i bet the time you have left would be better spent zen
and i am not saying this as a dig at who you are
i am saying this because you have always seemed unhappy to me
there is certainly a lot in the world to be unhappy about
and very few people of your social/economical standing are as aware of the bad things as you
but
maybe lighten up a little when it comes to the things that dont matter so much
i am certainly not saying to be wasteful and indulgent
and i think you know that
all i am saying is
sometimes i think responding to the minor bad things will make me feel better
which it never does
i only feel peaceful when i let it slide
Post by: fatty on June 02, 2008, 08:37:46 am
-Hey mommy, why is everything turning yellow?
(nurse walks by)-Oh, it must be the leucemia kicking in! Party hard!
Post by: PTizzle on June 02, 2008, 08:56:36 am
I pray you're okay dude, it's such a horrible thing and you're way too young to go. Keep us posted when you have time. My thoughts are with you.
Post by: GirlBones on June 02, 2008, 09:03:01 am
420 smoke weed every day
Post by: Ryan on June 02, 2008, 11:04:00 am
Post by: baseball19225 on June 02, 2008, 11:12:27 am
so i just want you to know... youre still not right about em, but maybe you arent that wrong........
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 02, 2008, 03:13:04 pm
Post by: Christophomicus on June 02, 2008, 04:39:55 pm
Post by: Mince Wobley on June 02, 2008, 05:33:16 pm
Post by: Zatham on June 02, 2008, 05:41:22 pm
Post by: MaD on June 02, 2008, 06:37:25 pm
sorry to see this happen to anyone so young
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 06:40:33 pm
Post by: crone_lover720 on June 02, 2008, 06:47:30 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 07:07:40 pm
I had to find my old proxy just to get here so appreciate this post, but all I can say is gl and I hope it's not malignant cancer. that was a really weird thing for the nurse tos ay, even if she could somehow tell that it's cancer she'd still have no idea if it would kill you. forget her dude she's an idiot, gl with your real resultsi was worried i didn't know how to ip ban!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 08:13:41 pm
I have an outgrowth of testicular cancer, level IV, a large mass over my lungs. we're doing a CT scan and other stuff Thurs/Weds to check for other areas, and beginning chemo the next week.
the cure rate is supposed to be 50%
I gotta go now, but I thought you should know.
Post by: Unt on June 02, 2008, 08:18:58 pm
Man I hope you're okay, you don't have to keep us updated but live your life... hsjfajk man I don't don't know what to say but a 50% cure rate is still a very positive point!
I'm so sorry man, stay strong
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Post by: Lifexplosion on June 02, 2008, 08:20:40 pm
Post by: DS on June 02, 2008, 08:23:12 pm
all i can do is wish you the best and hope that you'll survive through it. man, i'm seriously at loss of words here, this is horrible. :(
i dunno how much this means to you now but i just want to tell you that even though we have had our share of disagreements and arguments you are one of the best dudes i have met on the internet and i really really hope you will get through this!
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 08:24:36 pm
50% cure rate, though. that's not uh... that's not that bad i guess? those are pretty good odds for living!
Post by: Jester on June 02, 2008, 08:25:10 pm
Post by: reko on June 02, 2008, 08:27:06 pm
i'm kind of speechless about this, this is just so unreal. i really hope all the best for you man, stay strong and survive
Post by: ase on June 02, 2008, 08:33:04 pm
Fight hard man, just fucking put all of your mind and body in to this. I believe in your strength as a human being and I have no doubts that if you put your best in to this, you can beat it. Despite being "just" an internet person, you've been one of my best friends and role models. I've learned a lot from you that I won't ever forget.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 08:37:36 pm
I'm 22 years old, I don't want to die. I'm supposed to go to fucking law school and now that's gotta be delayed or canceled or whatever fucking hell.
anyways, I guess BENEFIT/NEGATIVE FOR GW: the chemo is all day and they let you take a laptop and have wifi so I'll be around probably. TOO BAD ITS BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING CANCER.
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 02, 2008, 08:41:26 pm
It has been mentioned before but if you need $$$$ for treatment we will all collectively chip in - right guys? (i'm not entirely sure how the health system works in the US).
Edit: We will do all an internet community can do to help you :)
Edit 2: What Chesh says below is right. I want a front page I beat cancer topic in future man.
Post by: dada on June 02, 2008, 08:41:53 pm
I don't even know what to say.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on June 02, 2008, 08:42:01 pm
To be honest, i think you can beat it so i'm now looking forward to the 'i beat cancer' topic.
Don't you dare let me down.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 08:43:59 pm
it's so weird because I keep going into these spurts of NAH FUCK THIS BULLSHIT I'VE BEATEN WORSE and then just being on the edge of collapse.
50% each...
this is some straight up bullshit though. first the arrest, then my sister's arrest, and then I got my DEAD POPPOP and now I got this kind of bullshit to fucking deal with. STORY OF MY LIFE I guess but this shit just is getting ridiculous. what's next, I go blind? fucking hell.
Post by: Marmot on June 02, 2008, 08:44:35 pm
why cant this happen to horrible people, there is only always FALLEN HEROES
fuck you god
Post by: Erave on June 02, 2008, 08:44:53 pm
Post by: thecatamites on June 02, 2008, 08:45:09 pm
But a 50% cure rate is still pretty good, especially when you consider that most of the people they treat are probably like morbidly obese 35-year-old bankers or whatever, so I'd say the odds are in your favor here. Just don't give up and stay positive, I guess!
Post by: ase on June 02, 2008, 08:45:41 pm
Quote
Testicular cancer has one of the highest cure rates of all cancers: in excess of 90%; essentially 100% if it has not metastasized. Even for the relatively few cases in which malignant cancer has spread widely, chemotherapy offers a cure rate of at least 85% today.
Wikipedia better not fucking let me down.
Post by: Sludgelord on June 02, 2008, 08:46:04 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 08:47:18 pm
Wikipedia better not fucking let me down.
I'm afraid that's not the kind I have. the one I have is POOR PROGNOSIS 50% or something. basically Lance Armstrong testicle cancer, not plastic gonad testicle cancer.
Post by: Mince Wobley on June 02, 2008, 08:47:51 pm
Someone send him a "get well soon" card
Post by: Niitaka on June 02, 2008, 08:48:59 pm
fuck the odds, man. you are one of the few people i know who lives with passion, someone with compassion and gets furious at those who don't. if anyone then you and your heart will get you through this, because you've faced down worse.
Post by: ase on June 02, 2008, 08:50:24 pm
you're going to be Gaming World's infamous cancer surivor
Post by: From Jungle on June 02, 2008, 08:51:51 pm
Post by: Twin Matrix on June 02, 2008, 08:55:13 pm
I have an outgrowth of testicular cancer, level IV, a large mass over my lungs. we're doing a CT scan and other stuff Thurs/Weds to check for other areas, and beginning chemo the next week.
the cure rate is supposed to be 50%
Edit: Nvm, just read the above posts and saw someone already mentioned this. xP
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 02, 2008, 08:57:49 pm
i feel really weird saying anything since i never really talked to steel outside of a couple quotes in threads or some shit and i'm fairly sure he doesn't like me, but fuck man, i really respect you, you're probably my favorite person on GW (and more than likely nearly favorite on the internet) and if anyone can beat this you can.
i'd bet on you over lance armstrong anyday man
22 year old in good shape with a STRONG SPIRIT basically you can be the next I BEAT CANCER poster guy.
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 02, 2008, 08:58:37 pm
Post by: Seawed on June 02, 2008, 08:59:15 pm
I'm afraid it was bad news.
I have an outgrowth of testicular cancer, level IV, a large mass over my lungs. we're doing a CT scan and other stuff Thurs/Weds to check for other areas, and beginning chemo the next week.
the cure rate is supposed to be 50%
I gotta go now, but I thought you should know.
What the fuck. Outgrowth of testicular cancer? So wait this thing was attacking your lungs and all this time it originated in your testicles? That's actually pretty damn fucked up. Was this sort of undetectable or can you now notice a slight abnormality in your testicles.
Dude, cancer is so fucked. I'm really sorry for you....
I know I've never spoken to you personally but you bring alot of life to these forums and I hope you get through this.
Post by: headphonics on June 02, 2008, 09:00:52 pm
Post by: Twin Matrix on June 02, 2008, 09:01:21 pm
Yea, how does a cancer from there go all the way to the lungs.. o.O Maybe it's in the blood or something? Nah, they would have noticed that.
I don't know, though.. 50% isn't too good.. People think 1% is already too high. I guess it's better than 30% or whatever.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 09:01:33 pm
Non-Seminoma Germ Cell Tumor is what I've got over my chest btw for those of you who want to keep e-researching.
also there's a chance it might not even be in my testicles (we're checking later), that's just how cancer works I guess.
Post by: Twin Matrix on June 02, 2008, 09:03:03 pm
Post by: Vale on June 02, 2008, 09:03:33 pm
I hate it when shit like this happens. Good luck Steel. I'll be rooting for you.
(yes this was a serious post)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 09:04:09 pm
It's in the chest now too?
it's always been in the chest where you been twin matrix.
Post by: thecatamites on June 02, 2008, 09:10:10 pm
Post by: Jeff on June 02, 2008, 09:10:19 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 02, 2008, 09:11:15 pm
I actually feel physicially sick, I'm really sorry Steel and we are all hoping like hell you get better. Be strong man.
It might not mean much but I did pray for you.
Also what did you get arrested for?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 09:13:54 pm
if the surgery fails then well I pretty much got a short amount of time to live. honestly this shit can come back years after chemo or just a few months so basically I won't be out of the clear for a few years even if it goes away.
god this is horrible. I don't much care about DYING or whatever but leaving all these people behind is too much to bear.
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 02, 2008, 09:16:07 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 09:18:05 pm
basically I'm pretty pissed because this is testicular cancer and I had like none of the symptoms so this shit progressed far. cancer is one stupid fuck. fuck cancer.
Post by: Dale Gobbler on June 02, 2008, 09:18:53 pm
Glass Half Full. Fuck Cancer.
Post by: big ass skelly on June 02, 2008, 09:21:11 pm
Post by: Fire Mage on June 02, 2008, 09:23:08 pm
And everyone is saying 50% is good, and sure there could be more leeway, but man you can do it. Good luck with the chemo and all.
I'm waiting to hear your survival story.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 02, 2008, 09:31:08 pm
Post by: helter skelter on June 02, 2008, 09:50:22 pm
Post by: jamie on June 02, 2008, 09:51:51 pm
i don't want to say good luck, or i'll pray for you or any of that because that's all empty to me. this is just some awful random occurrance you don't deserve and shouldn't have to deal with. but i think you'll get better, and i really really hope you do as well.
Post by: GZ on June 02, 2008, 09:56:26 pm
also here is a direct tobleronetriangular quote that relates to this:
Quote
The terrifying thing is that so many people believe that; like wiping out the few thousand people who are behind all this wouldn't save hundreds of thousands more in the future. I think that's worth paying any price. I think the worst thing that could happen is a partial solution; if we got rid of only half of the controllers and financiers and their allies in government and left the other half thinking that all the traitors had been unmasked so the ones that are left are "honest" we might actually be in a worse place. Being sick and knowing it is better than being half as sick and thinking your fine. Finishing them off would'nt take 5 years and cost billions of dollars like the Iraq Lie has either; and it would spill a hell of a lot less blood in the long term. If the people knew the truth nobody would have to be asked what to do; the Potomac would run red with the blood of the gang who are behind all this first before anyone asked a question like that once the truth got out.
but instead replace controllers / financiers with cancer
the fat guy from king of queens has some answering to do...
Post by: losc on June 02, 2008, 10:16:34 pm
Post by: Vellfire on June 02, 2008, 10:16:41 pm
All I can really say now is that you are too hardcore of a motherfucker to let this take you down. GO GET 'EM MAN.
Post by: goldenratio on June 02, 2008, 10:19:21 pm
if it makes you feel any better this collection baseball stickers is getting respectable! just gotta eat a bunch more cracker jacks and i'll be ready to mail em to ya and then you will have them all! ALL THE BASEBALL STICKERS!
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 02, 2008, 10:28:08 pm
Get a hold of 100% PURE ALOE VERA GEL and you've gotta consume it regularly on a daily basis... Like one tablespoon a few times a day...
This will make the chemo a lot easier on you and ease a lot of the digestive tract associated side effects.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 02, 2008, 10:28:24 pm
Post by: Ryan on June 02, 2008, 10:35:45 pm
first Kennedy and now you... fuck you cancer.
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on June 02, 2008, 10:36:09 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 02, 2008, 10:58:43 pm
Steel take this fucking advice:
Get a hold of 100% PURE ALOE VERA GEL and you've gotta consume it regularly on a daily basis... Like one tablespoon a few times a day...
This will make the chemo a lot easier on you and ease a lot of the digestive tract associated side effects.
is this...is this serious?
EAT GEL?
I uh...I think I'll get a second opinion on that.
Post by: bonermobile on June 02, 2008, 11:08:36 pm
Quote
Aloe Vera is useful to decrease the destroying ended to the human body by using treatments such as chemotherapy and radiation which damage strong cells of immune system that are very essential for the recovery of the body. The immune system increases, metastases are decreased and tumors shrink by using aloe Vera therefore, the cancer does not extend in other parts of the body.
http://www.mauritasaloevera.com/AloeVeraUse/Aloe-Vera-Cancer.htm
btw you're twice the man lance armstrong is so beat this shit
Post by: baseball19225 on June 02, 2008, 11:11:12 pm
no no no no no
Post by: Farren on June 02, 2008, 11:49:45 pm
Nurses can say some fucked up shit. My grandma's nurse told us she only had about 48 hours left and she "sure hoped my grandma wouldn't prove her wrong".
If I was there I woulda punched her in the cunt
that testicle cancer stuff sure does sound bad and hopefully it isn't there. I know that maybe not having a nut later on is the least of your problems right now but that sure does suck.
Post by: HL on June 03, 2008, 12:11:46 am
You're really strong, so don't let this beat you, ok?
I'll probably post something less shocked later.
Post by: Haunted-House on June 03, 2008, 12:13:47 am
I can't even begin to imagine what you and your family are going through.
Don't let it break you down. :(
Post by: headphonics on June 03, 2008, 12:15:57 am
Post by: headphonics on June 03, 2008, 12:16:13 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 12:24:24 am
i got 2pac.
keep ya head up.
Post by: headphonics on June 03, 2008, 12:26:44 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 12:27:48 am
the sad part is I would often joke about shaving my head but in the hindu tradition this is only done when you're mourning so I'm sure when the hair falls out my mom will cry all over again :(
Post by: goldenratio on June 03, 2008, 12:31:50 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 12:33:57 am
i have never read your blog but would that be something you are going to update a lot?
because of an arrest thing a while ago related to it (I was thinking of making an article on it but long story short a girl read a pokey the penguin comic hundley wrote that I posted which said something like YOU WILL EAT A GUN POKEY and told the police I had purchased a firearm and was going to shoot her and there were y2dazz quotes in the evidence file, it was actually really ridiculous but kind of stressful at the time), I tend to keep it private. if I'm on LJ I'll probably be on GW so!
Post by: headphonics on June 03, 2008, 12:36:01 am
blood.......blood everywhere./..
Post by: Neophyte on June 03, 2008, 12:45:59 am
Yes.....yes we can.
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 03, 2008, 12:49:08 am
Long story short, we managed to get some Aloe and religiously fed him it (Yes, it tastes like shit, i.e. is really bitter) and he barely had any side-effects at all with the chemo.
He didn't have nausea, he didn't get diarrea, he didn't vomit, etc.
...And he was on methotrexate, one of the strongest chemo cocktails there is.
So yeah... You'll probably hate every last drop of aloe, but on the other hand... It'll make it all alot easier on you.
Also... You can mix it with honey to make the taste more bearable.
Post by: Doktormartini on June 03, 2008, 12:54:03 am
What about taking Spirulina? It inhibits tumor growth!
http://grande.nal.usda.gov/ibids/index.php?mode2=detail&origin=ibids_references&therow=464257
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9872601
Post by: Vellfire on June 03, 2008, 12:58:09 am
To make it more exciting, every day he has to write a letter to GW explaining why he should be unbanned, and he must impersonate a different author in every letter.
Post by: Doktormartini on June 03, 2008, 12:59:48 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 01:07:30 am
I'm really sorry to hear this man, I know you will pull through!
What about taking Spirulina? It inhibits tumor growth!
http://grande.nal.usda.gov/ibids/index.php?mode2=detail&origin=ibids_references&therow=464257
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9872601
what? did you seriously fucking do this? are you fucking kidding me? get out of here.
Post by: Cho on June 03, 2008, 01:09:34 am
I'm really sorry to hear this man, I know you will pull through!
What about taking Spirulina? It inhibits tumor growth!
http://grande.nal.usda.gov/ibids/index.php?mode2=detail&origin=ibids_references&therow=464257
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/9872601
Why did you edit your post? It originally said that you weren't going to talk about alternative remedies.
Post by: Vellfire on June 03, 2008, 01:10:03 am
you see i am very into lazytown and i believe if you watch lazytown you will be cured forever
this is the time and place for this
Post by: Doktormartini on June 03, 2008, 01:10:12 am
Why did you edit your post? It originally said that you weren't going to talk about alternative remedies.Cause I read up and saw someone else talking about it.
Also yeah sorry :(
Post by: jamie on June 03, 2008, 01:10:28 am
Post by: HL on June 03, 2008, 01:12:58 am
maybe youshould go do this
Post by: mkkmypet on June 03, 2008, 01:13:34 am
steel, i know we've had a lot of arguments over the years. but through all the time i've known you, i've respected you a lot. you are one of the coolest internet people ever. i know we disagree on pretty much everything, but that doesn't stop you from being hilarious and awesome to me. man... FURIOUS DEBATES, cooking with doop, massive jones... your zany internet antics have always been so dope. :ganja: i know you, and i know that you will beat cancer with a stick, grind it up, put ketchup and salt on it, and post a topic showcasing the process. YOU WILL MAKE IT THROUGH THIS, MAN. you are too tough to go out like this. and hey, if it ends up being the 50% chance against you: Magical Negro is dead i am a Dead man typing. because there's no way you're leaving GW like this. you'll be typing your CAPS here for years to come, i'm sure of it. i'll be praying for you.
stay strong, mr. steel paladines! :woop:
Was this sort of undetectable or can you now notice a slight abnormality in your testicles.
plz t..Tell me about you testicles......
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 01:16:10 am
i heard if you ejaculate on your monitor that JUST SO HAPPENS to be displaying a topic in G&DA and take a pic of it youare cured
maybe youshould go do this
honestly grant morrison jerked off on a magical sigil of his cat and cured the cancer.
sooooooo someone get to making a G&D game about me I'll spring for the aloe vera lube we'll have a party.
Post by: big ass skelly on June 03, 2008, 01:26:46 am
Post by: Lars on June 03, 2008, 02:07:49 am
So yeah, while doktormartini is being pretty ridicolous, I'd take Lord Kamina's advice for good fish. If it does have effect on side-effects, I'm sure it'll also vastly reduce your stress level during treatment which is always positive when it comes to medicine so yeah.
Was gonna write something else too but you're really on your own here. You're the one that has to put up with this shit so I figured I'd just give you my input on the Aloe Vera thing which to me seems to be pretty legit. But yeah good fucking luck man. This shit's breakin my heart................
edit: my point was that I have no idea what effects aloe vera has on this shit, but that a very respected doctor said it does work miracles, and that lord-kamina says it works for reducing side-effects in your specific condition
Post by: baseball19225 on June 03, 2008, 02:27:30 am
i read on drschmuckers.org that if you base your diet solely on the shells of sunflower seeds it will substantially reduce the risk of you ever saying anything worthwhilei just want to say that this is so so good pal. while the topic is upsetting as hell, i enjoyed this a lot.
Post by: Dale Gobbler on June 03, 2008, 02:37:21 am
Post by: HL on June 03, 2008, 02:40:32 am
Post by: Xeno|Soft on June 03, 2008, 02:54:47 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 03:23:22 am
thats how people get in this kind of situation!
Post by: Rye Bread on June 03, 2008, 03:32:49 am
Post by: Lyndon on June 03, 2008, 04:02:42 am
50% I guess is good for cancer rates, but its still like your life is depending on a coin toss. :(
Post by: Nessiah on June 03, 2008, 04:03:05 am
Smiiilleee :D
Post by: Madolah on June 03, 2008, 04:04:17 am
well sorry to hear hope you get better from it all!
Post by: ImmortalDreamer on June 03, 2008, 04:06:58 am
I really hope you get through this. I expect to see you telling me how much of an idiot I am for quite a while, so beat this thing and stay with us.
Post by: Pasty on June 03, 2008, 04:07:43 am
Post by: dragonx on June 03, 2008, 04:08:01 am
Post by: The Magi on June 03, 2008, 04:27:58 am
I've seen the future and you're in it.
Post by: Cho on June 03, 2008, 05:18:03 am
Post by: kermit the toad on June 03, 2008, 05:29:43 am
I'm afraid that's not the kind I have. the one I have is POOR PROGNOSIS 50% or something. basically Lance Armstrong testicle cancer, not plastic gonad testicle cancer.You will win the race and get the Sheryl Crow.
Seriously...I came to check on this topic having some how convinced myself that it would be, "Ho ho! Good news guys! It's benign. I'll have some minor surgery and will be back to being GW's favourite jackass in no time." Instead, I see the topic title is changed to "I have cancer."
Steel Paladines, you will prevail. Otherwise...this shit just isn't fair man...
I know we haven't really talked much in a long time but back in the day I considered you one of my #1 Internet Friends. I'm pretty sad to see this happening to you, and I really hope that you beat this shit.
If there is a BIG SKY FAGGOT, I hope he hears me saying, "Don't let Steel die..."
Fuck...sorry, I'll try to be less depressing. This is probably the last thing you need right now.
Post by: Sarah on June 03, 2008, 05:32:25 am
I don't really have a lot of words... and I'm awfully tired. Despite everything else that's going on, I'm going to be around for you when I can, because for a long time you were my best e-friend, and I always kind of looked up to you. We used to chat for hours over ridiculous stuff. We even contended over whose life was more dramatic - and at this very moment it's really hard to say - but you know I love you, man. You're going to beat this because I'm not willing to lose you too, doofus.
Also, it's really terrible that dok posted those after what I said on Thursday.
Post by: PaulC on June 03, 2008, 05:52:00 am
My mom died of a breast cancer relapse 5 years ago. She didn't smoke. She was a hiker and had watched her health all her life.
She toughed out a year of chemo that made her miserable and sick and spent it trying not to let us know how miserable and sick she was. Her skin slowly got paler and her hair fell out and her bones ached.
The cancer went into recession. Her hair grew back a little and she went back to work and she started hiking again. She didn't get checked up as often as she could have because she was worried about our financial burden. The cancer came back, and it spread before they found it. She told me just before spring break my junior year, and she spent the next week in a hospital bed in our living room and then she died. She'd been holding it back for weeks for our sake and when she finally let go she was gone in an instant.
Life is random. We all know that on some intellectual level but emotionally it's not easy to accept. Our lives are our stories and we want to see them progress as they should based off of our actions. Unfortunately the world doesn't care about our narrative logic.
What you realize eventually is that you've always been making what you can out of what life gives you. It used to give you lemons, this time it gave you a gigantic pile of shit. But you're still fucking you, so you take the pile of shit and you make shit-aid out of it. You live on your own terms.
Good luck Steel.
Post by: PaulC on June 03, 2008, 05:52:36 am
Yo my cousin heard that if u eat 400 grams of shark fin a day and do rhythmic deep breathing at dawn ur cancer will be broken up by the karmic waves. Hope This Helps
Post by: baseball19225 on June 03, 2008, 06:05:36 am
rap cancer.
Post by: Drule on June 03, 2008, 09:26:02 am
Post by: Christophomicus on June 03, 2008, 10:14:32 am
Post by: esp on June 03, 2008, 11:33:32 am
I wanted to say something worthwhile but I can't. I'm at a loss for words. Fuck everything.
I didn't think INTERNET could ever affect me like this but I relapsed and bought a pack of cigarettes today because this shit is too depressing.
man i've been smoking like a chimney while i've been at work but this whole sequence of events has just made me fucking think about it.
good luck with everything, steel. you're a strong person in general so keep your chin up and just fucking get it cured ok.
Post by: Lord_Abriel on June 03, 2008, 11:43:22 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 11:59:05 am
Magi told me about this. Here's a post about your thing.
My mom died of a breast cancer relapse 5 years ago. She didn't smoke. She was a hiker and had watched her health all her life.
She toughed out a year of chemo that made her miserable and sick and spent it trying not to let us know how miserable and sick she was. Her skin slowly got paler and her hair fell out and her bones ached.
The cancer went into recession. Her hair grew back a little and she went back to work and she started hiking again. She didn't get checked up as often as she could have because she was worried about our financial burden. The cancer came back, and it spread before they found it. She told me just before spring break my junior year, and she spent the next week in a hospital bed in our living room and then she died. She'd been holding it back for weeks for our sake and when she finally let go she was gone in an instant.
Life is random. We all know that on some intellectual level but emotionally it's not easy to accept. Our lives are our stories and we want to see them progress as they should based off of our actions. Unfortunately the world doesn't care about our narrative logic.
What you realize eventually is that you've always been making what you can out of what life gives you. It used to give you lemons, this time it gave you a gigantic pile of shit. But you're still fucking you, so you take the pile of shit and you make shit-aid out of it. You live on your own terms.
Good luck Steel.
PaulC this is a very sad story!!! that's all I can really say about that, but yeah my dad died of pancreatic cancer when I was like 12 so I know sort of what this shit is like. he was told zero curability though.
I'm going to email the doctor today about what the possibilities of maintaining or whatever if I can't get it cured (hanging on a few more years). I mean Magic Johnson, that dude been alive and how long he got AIDS? I'll also ask him how testicular cancer appears in the chest and yet I had no symptoms of testicular cancer (it will probably be something like THIS JUST HAPPENS SORRY PAL). if anyone else has any questions, feel free to ask because I probably have them too and forgot!
Post by: Death Gulp on June 03, 2008, 12:05:32 pm
Post by: helter skelter on June 03, 2008, 12:36:47 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 03, 2008, 12:46:28 pm
Regardless, I can't think how terrible this must be for you. Good luck man, and kick cancer's ass. Hard.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 12:48:52 pm
I'll ask him about the aloe vera as well I guess though, so that reminded me.
Post by: Vellfire on June 03, 2008, 12:53:21 pm
Can I do the cover art for your book in 2009? "How I kicked cancer's ass!"
What you do is make a cover that appeals to the Oprah crowd, and then right after they all buy it and it goes out of stock everywhere, rerelease it with a cover that's just a bunch of huge penises.
The ones who didn't get the first copy will be forced to buy it or else miss out on Oprah's latest book club.
Post by: RPG on June 03, 2008, 12:54:06 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 03, 2008, 12:59:27 pm
EDIT: paladines unite!
Post by: Twin Matrix on June 03, 2008, 01:11:36 pm
Magi told me about this. Here's a post about your thing.
My mom died of a breast cancer relapse 5 years ago. She didn't smoke. She was a hiker and had watched her health all her life.
She toughed out a year of chemo that made her miserable and sick and spent it trying not to let us know how miserable and sick she was. Her skin slowly got paler and her hair fell out and her bones ached.
The cancer went into recession. Her hair grew back a little and she went back to work and she started hiking again. She didn't get checked up as often as she could have because she was worried about our financial burden. The cancer came back, and it spread before they found it. She told me just before spring break my junior year, and she spent the next week in a hospital bed in our living room and then she died. She'd been holding it back for weeks for our sake and when she finally let go she was gone in an instant.
Life is random. We all know that on some intellectual level but emotionally it's not easy to accept. Our lives are our stories and we want to see them progress as they should based off of our actions. Unfortunately the world doesn't care about our narrative logic.
What you realize eventually is that you've always been making what you can out of what life gives you. It used to give you lemons, this time it gave you a gigantic pile of shit. But you're still fucking you, so you take the pile of shit and you make shit-aid out of it. You live on your own terms.
Good luck Steel.
That story's really sad. :/ Sorry for your loss..
Post by: Jeff on June 03, 2008, 02:27:31 pm
What you do is make a cover that appeals to the Oprah crowdI dunno if you know a lot about publishing but authors rarely (and I mean almost never) get to choose their own covers.
Post by: Vellfire on June 03, 2008, 02:39:28 pm
I dunno if you know a lot about publishing but authors rarely (and I mean almost never) get to choose their own covers.
I know that, but if they didn't let Steel choose his own cover he could just yell "I FUCKING BEAT CANCER" and they may just change their minds.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 02:47:58 pm
Post by: Cho on June 03, 2008, 03:07:00 pm
Post by: Lars on June 03, 2008, 03:14:45 pm
Post by: PTizzle on June 03, 2008, 03:54:26 pm
I'm really inspired to quit smoking after this topic. I mean, I've had grandparents and family friends with cancer but the fact you're so close to my age and stuff just hits home a lot harder.
Be like Pac and keep head up and so on, I'm confident you'll get through this and you're definitely a strong dude (and I can see that just from an e-persona) so stay strong and good luck.
Post by: Drule on June 03, 2008, 04:03:05 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 04:04:18 pm
because while I wasn't exactly regular with checking, I did do it occasionally (I mean, you TOUCH YOUR BALLS, you know) and I seriously can't think of a single symptom of this stuff, unless excessive urination is one and wikipedia doesn't have it as one.
HOW FUCKING STUPID IS THAT!
always thought you were a gay dude but good luck
f*ck
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 03, 2008, 04:05:35 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 04:06:56 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 03, 2008, 04:14:29 pm
http://tcrc.acor.org/tcexam.html gives self-examination instructions for those who wanna give it a whirl.
Girls I know you feel left out but you can always find a guy and inspect his balls and I'm sure he'll be willing.
Post by: ase on June 03, 2008, 04:23:39 pm
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/32484/drmartini_book.gif)
Post by: Dale Gobbler on June 03, 2008, 05:24:19 pm
Post by: esp on June 03, 2008, 05:30:30 pm
Post by: Vellfire on June 03, 2008, 05:55:05 pm
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/gayass.png)
If you could make this big enough for me to use as a wallpaper (at least height-wise, the rest of the width could just be that blue color with the picture on one side), I would keep it my wallpaper until you are cancer free.
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 03, 2008, 06:07:12 pm
Post by: fatty on June 03, 2008, 06:38:05 pm
I hope you beat this, man, I really do.
BE STRONG, STEEL PALADINE, YOU ARE THE BEST GUY EVER
Post by: bible_basher on June 03, 2008, 07:12:33 pm
just...kick cancer's ass ok
KICK IT BACK TO GOD
Post by: Doktormartini on June 03, 2008, 07:44:10 pm
Guys it's OK. I have found a book that will ensure Steel's survival:ahaha nice!
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/32484/drmartini_book.gif)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 09:10:09 pm
If you could make this big enough for me to use as a wallpaper (at least height-wise, the rest of the width could just be that blue color with the picture on one side), I would keep it my wallpaper until you are cancer free.
it was like two minutes in photoshop velfarre come on learn you some photoshop skills!!!
Post by: Mongoloid on June 03, 2008, 09:41:20 pm
Seriously this is gay as shit why couldn't it have been _________. (to be edited later with a vendetta)
Post by: Vellfire on June 03, 2008, 10:49:57 pm
it was like two minutes in photoshop velfarre come on learn you some photoshop skills!!!
actually it's just because i can't find a big enough version of that cover art :\
i could do the rest
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 11:13:03 pm
tomorrow I go in at like eleven for a pulmonary test, standard thing although I honestly don't know what it entails (my friend guessed a barium map so gotta chew pills) and it won't take long ideally. on thursday I have a bone scan which unfortunately entails needles (which I pretty much hate but BETTER GET USED TO huh) and a CAT scan to see if there are more masses. apparently it's not relevant to treatment or diagnosis if there are which is good in that things can't get worse but kind of indicative as to how bad this stuff is when it doesn't matter if there's more of it. Friday I meet with the doc for any last questions before I start chemo Monday and also for bone and CAT results (ideally both clear, although now I gotta worry about BONE SCAN fuck me forgot about that).
I also talked to the doctor and he said, yeah, sometimes this shit just appears in the chest head or throat or whatever, which is why I didn't detect it in my testicles at all. chances are I'm probably fine down there since I've had no problems but who knows. I also gotta freeze some sperm THIS WEEK; chemo destroys most people's sperm counts and might make me infertile which while not really a concern atm might be provided everything is okay later.
for those of you worrying, I mean, the doctor himself was optimistic and Steve etc are hooking me up with some good contacts. don't stop worrying because lord knows I haven't but hey, it's slightly better than a straight up coin toss. also we haven't talked about maintaining/remission rates in case curing doesn't work which means I would still die (FUCK) but in some years, and idk about the feasibility or anything on that since there's nothing on wikipedia and the doctor wouldn't tell me (also said I DONTK NOW THIS ALOE VERA THING???).
fuck this is dumb shit. personally I've been dealing with this kind of unnaturally well I think (still ain't had the breakdown and cry, although I do anticipate it) and the worst thing has been this just unbelievable stress knot in my back that developed after I got the prognosis, but otherwise I feel fine.
although apparently chemo works by destroying all the cells in your body so I will have no immune system and IDK how much I can hang out with anyone irl which REALLY sucks.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 11:15:19 pm
Post by: WIP on June 03, 2008, 11:18:42 pm
A coworker of mine was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Be prepared for the worst experience of your life, as chemo is devastating to your body. Don't use metal silverware. You will also lose a lot of weight. May need some blood transfusions as well.
Good luck.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 11:19:40 pm
You are a piece of shit person and I don't respect anything you do. However, cancer is a pretty terrible thing.
A coworker of mine was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. Be prepared for the worst experience of your life, as chemo is devastating to your body. Don't use metal silverware. You will also lose a lot of weight. May need some blood transfusions as well.
Good luck.
yesssssssssssss
Post by: Lars on June 03, 2008, 11:20:16 pm
i can't imagine how stiff your shoulders will be after this week with all the testing etc
maybe your doctor has a few tips??
one thing my mom does is have one of those warming pillows (plug it in a nd it heats slightly up) and place them around her shoulders while just lying there, relaxing with a good book for an hour or so. if you do that daily in a stressful period it helps a shitload, i used to try it too. couple it with a few nice things like coca cola in a tall glass with icecubes and lemon and the stress should really be reduced. it's all about taking care of yourself and try your best at relaxing.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 11:22:50 pm
yesssssssssssss
seriously I was waiting eleven pages for the first person who wouldn't say WE'VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES BUT and instead straight just be like FUCK YOU BUT GOOD LUCK, this was a good thing, I appreciate it.
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 03, 2008, 11:24:32 pm
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 03, 2008, 11:47:54 pm
so basically here's the plan for the rest of the week:
tomorrow I go in at like eleven for a pulmonary test, standard thing although I honestly don't know what it entails (my friend guessed a barium map so gotta chew pills) and it won't take long ideally. on thursday I have a bone scan which unfortunately entails needles (which I pretty much hate but BETTER GET USED TO huh) and a CAT scan to see if there are more masses. apparently it's not relevant to treatment or diagnosis if there are which is good in that things can't get worse but kind of indicative as to how bad this stuff is when it doesn't matter if there's more of it. Friday I meet with the doc for any last questions before I start chemo Monday and also for bone and CAT results (ideally both clear, although now I gotta worry about BONE SCAN fuck me forgot about that).
I also talked to the doctor and he said, yeah, sometimes this shit just appears in the chest head or throat or whatever, which is why I didn't detect it in my testicles at all. chances are I'm probably fine down there since I've had no problems but who knows. I also gotta freeze some sperm THIS WEEK; chemo destroys most people's sperm counts and might make me infertile which while not really a concern atm might be provided everything is okay later.
for those of you worrying, I mean, the doctor himself was optimistic and Steve etc are hooking me up with some good contacts. don't stop worrying because lord knows I haven't but hey, it's slightly better than a straight up coin toss. also we haven't talked about maintaining/remission rates in case curing doesn't work which means I would still die (FUCK) but in some years, and idk about the feasibility or anything on that since there's nothing on wikipedia and the doctor wouldn't tell me (also said I DONTK NOW THIS ALOE VERA THING???).
fuck this is dumb shit. personally I've been dealing with this kind of unnaturally well I think (still ain't had the breakdown and cry, although I do anticipate it) and the worst thing has been this just unbelievable stress knot in my back that developed after I got the prognosis, but otherwise I feel fine.
although apparently chemo works by destroying all the cells in your body so I will have no immune system and IDK how much I can hang out with anyone irl which REALLY sucks.
Despite the doctor not knowing about it, I will still encourage and insist on this Aloe thing because it is NOT alternative medicine... I truly have no idea if it will ease the cancer itself, but it DOES really strengthen your digestive system if nothing else, lessening the side effects.
So... Unless you are alergic or some shit, get Aloe.
Now, the chemo would make you infertile or sterile? Because it is NOT THE SAME THING.
Infertile means your sperm will be killed (Or reduced in number) but it doesn't mean your ability to produce sperm will be affected at all...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 03, 2008, 11:51:08 pm
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 04, 2008, 12:05:06 am
Basically, with a simple example... Using a laptop on your well... lap... can make you infertile; this does not mean, however, you are sterile.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 12:22:38 am
Post by: ase on June 04, 2008, 12:26:31 am
chemo doesn't destroy all the cells in your body. if it did you would die LOL. it just kills all of the FAST-GROWING cells in your body (basically CANCER CELLS + HAIR)
it's good to know you have good contacts
Post by: Marcus on June 04, 2008, 12:33:36 am
i hope i live to see the day when transhumanism becomes a reality because i'll be the first to turn myself into a cyborg or something.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 04, 2008, 12:45:54 am
(http://wip.rpgmaker.net/images/rmn_exists!.png)
lol except the forum sucks. Get out.
Post by: big ass skelly on June 04, 2008, 12:48:09 am
Also he's never allowed to give blood because apparently anyone in england who had a transfusion with blood from a certain period could have BSE or something heh
Post by: Marcus on June 04, 2008, 12:59:41 am
Post by: headphonics on June 04, 2008, 01:07:31 am
marcus are you serious
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 04, 2008, 01:10:40 am
Post by: GZ on June 04, 2008, 01:15:16 am
Post by: HL on June 04, 2008, 01:16:24 am
anyone who thinks that works is dumb. please tell me you are joking marcus
Post by: baseball19225 on June 04, 2008, 01:21:59 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 01:56:11 am
fyi being legally infertile or whatever doesn't mean you actually are, your sperm count is just really low.
Post by: Farren on June 04, 2008, 03:13:02 am
*pulls out framed certificate of sterility
Post by: Farren on June 04, 2008, 03:13:21 am
Post by: Farren on June 04, 2008, 03:14:16 am
my hose is clogged
my proverbial well is dry
theres no jelly in this donut
Steel: oh god thsi feelso good
Lady: YESS cum on myface
Steel: ok
*runs to freezer
Post by: crone_lover720 on June 04, 2008, 03:25:34 am
I'm no doctor (see a doctor aztec!!) but I'm pretty sure you should be able to feel a lump somewhere on your testicle if you've got testicular cancer (not your epididymis at the top), and it'd probably be difficult to detect without close examination of the whole testicle. do this first and if you find a lump you know you need to get to the doctor asap, but even if not you should see the doctor anyway aztec. It could just be a skin condition but idk, it doesn't sound too good to me
Quote
so, if you're sterile that means you never have to pull out or wear a condom (unless you're afraid of catching a VD) see there are positive things about this!I pull out everytime saves me a fortune on armors.
Post by: maladroithim on June 04, 2008, 05:21:29 am
I think you are an awesome guy (seriously) and I really like having you as a presence on the internet but fuck you have cancer and this is blowing my mind.
You have my support dude!
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 04, 2008, 06:39:56 am
Good luck steel. Keep your head high and don't let this ruin you. I don't believe in any gods so I won't be doing any prayers but you'll be on my mind.
Post by: Dark Angel on June 04, 2008, 07:08:16 am
seriously I was waiting eleven pages for the first person who wouldn't say WE'VE HAD OUR DIFFERENCES BUT and instead straight just be like FUCK YOU BUT GOOD LUCK, this was a good thing, I appreciate it.
If it makes you feel any better I only re-worded my post to be nicer so I wouldn't get banned. I almost got banned last time I cheered your departure, and that was just from the forums, not a possible departue from LIFE. I'm not going to come in and shit up this topic, I feel for you as a person, but as Steel, you're a prick and I really dis-like you. So good luck, get better, and fuck off! haha No really
Post by: Mongoloid on June 04, 2008, 07:30:23 am
If it makes you feel any better I only re-worded my post to be nicer so I wouldn't get banned. I almost got banned last time I cheered your departure, and that was just from the forums, not a possible departue from LIFE. I'm not going to come in and shit up this topic, I feel for you as a person, but as Steel, you're a prick and I really dis-like you. So good luck, get better, and fuck off! haha No reallyfuck offgood luck.
I have come into this topic probably 10+ times and never posted what I originally intended to.
Actually this is my second pass at this post too. I'm so fake.
Post by: Twin Matrix on June 04, 2008, 08:09:38 am
If it makes you feel any better I only re-worded my post to be nicer so I wouldn't get banned. I almost got banned last time I cheered your departure, and that was just from the forums, not a possible departue from LIFE. I'm not going to come in and shit up this topic, I feel for you as a person, but as Steel, you're a prick and I really dis-like you. So good luck, get better, and fuck off! haha No reallyfuck offgood luck.
Haha, that you almost got banned for something like that is pure dictatorship.. Unless you started swearing at him..? Though that seems pretty OK around here. I didn't wish him good luck/cheering him on or anything (obviously), but swearing would be inappropriate, I think. Unless he really wants it..:P
Edit: Lol, had to edit my post to make it more friendly, too.
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 04, 2008, 08:13:49 am
Post by: Hundley on June 04, 2008, 10:03:24 am
Haha, that you almost got banned for something like that is pure dictatorship.. Unless you started swearing at him..? Though that seems pretty OK around here. I didn't wish him good luck/cheering him on or anything (obviously), but swearing would be inappropriate, I think. Unless he really wants it..:Pwhy the fuck are you even posting in this thread?
Edit: Lol, had to edit my post to make it more friendly, too.
Post by: Eltee on June 04, 2008, 10:41:10 am
I feel like all that time I've under-appreciated you, man. I'm sorry for that. Really, get better. Stay strong.
Post by: HL on June 04, 2008, 10:43:24 am
Haha, that you almost got banned for something like that is pure dictatorship.. Unless you started swearing at him..? Though that seems pretty OK around here. I didn't wish him good luck/cheering him on or anything (obviously), but swearing would be inappropriate, I think. Unless he really wants it..:P
Edit: Lol, had to edit my post to make it more friendly, too.
get the fuck out of here, there is no reason to be a huge fucking piece of shit to someone who you know has a legit chance of dying eventually because of this (though, Steel will make it. I know you will buddy).
yeah he probably almost got banned for being a terrible human being, it's something people should be banned for. going up to someone who just got cancer and going YES IM TOTALLY GLAD YOU'RE DYING or not even wishing them good luck or anything is an atrocity. if you harbor bad feelings for him or something go do it privately, because the last thing he needs is some fucks who are rooting for him to die.
god, even wip gave him good luck.
Post by: helter skelter on June 04, 2008, 10:46:02 am
Haha, that you almost got banned for something like that is pure dictatorship.. Unless you started swearing at him..? Though that seems pretty OK around here. I didn't wish him good luck/cheering him on or anything (obviously), but swearing would be inappropriate, I think. Unless he really wants it..:PGet the fuck out of GW.
Edit: Lol, had to edit my post to make it more friendly, too.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 04, 2008, 11:12:30 am
if you want to keep your hair i've heard keeping it cool during the chemo will stop it falling out. like ice pack for your head sorta deal.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 11:23:10 am
they...they're helping the cancer grow...
twin matrix what did you do.
also honestly the hair thing is more something that's uh FREAKING ME OUT. like it seems like such an event that I am pretty sure if there's going to be a breakdown the day it clumps out is going to be it.
on the kind of sad side one of my friends was so upset that he was like I'M GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD IF HE LOSES HIS HAIR THIS ISN'T FAIR AAAARRRRGH and that's really actually a touching gesture but dont do this anyone it will make me cry or something gay :(
also also twin matrix sucks wip is at least completely incomprehensible to me but twin matrix is that same person who thought barkley had too many niggers in it so you can ignore her!
Post by: SupremeWarrior on June 04, 2008, 11:46:19 am
EDIT: Losing your hair ain't that bad, you will grow it back. Although I guess that means you lose your pubes too.. :hmm:
Post by: Vellfire on June 04, 2008, 11:48:07 am
or wear a top hat
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 04, 2008, 12:00:42 pm
Then you can be all like "Hey chemo you wanted to take my hair but tough shit I took it already"
Also get yourself some cool headgear like Velfarre said. My personal fave is my russian hunting hat with crazy earflaps :)
Post by: Vellfire on June 04, 2008, 12:02:37 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on June 04, 2008, 12:06:09 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on June 04, 2008, 12:10:37 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 04, 2008, 12:16:27 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 12:26:44 pm
I know you said before that shaving your head (without the chemo doing it for you) would upset you mum but it might be better mental-preservation to do it yourself and NOT see it fall out? You know being strong is one thing but it almosts seems a method of stress-prevention if you do it yourself.
I've been considering it honestly. my friend had chemo when he was seven and he kept saying OH ITS SO WEIRD WHEN IT HAPPENS but I bet that only applies when you're seven and when you're 22 it probably just makes you sad!
Post by: GZ on June 04, 2008, 01:12:16 pm
I've been considering it honestly. my friend had chemo when he was seven and he kept saying OH ITS SO WEIRD WHEN IT HAPPENS but I bet that only applies when you're seven and when you're 22 it probably just makes you sad!what the hell man, your friend had cancer too? how deep does steel paladines pit of despair go...
also just to reiterate how i feel about all this
(http://members.shaw.ca/zybourne/hiratiocry.gif)
Post by: Kalar on June 04, 2008, 01:49:53 pm
good luck, man. odds are still good, gamble your life on them!
Post by: The Riddler on June 04, 2008, 02:05:43 pm
i don't want to provide my y'know, run-in with cancer, because i'm sure almost everyone on this site knows someone or has a distant relative or some shit who had/has cancer. i think it's getting just out of control. but i'd shave your hair off. it's not letting the cancer beat you. it's kind of like spiting the cancer by doing it yourself. the person i knew who had cancer did it and apparantely it helped with the stress and her hair eventually grew back to some extent before she died (outlook's bleak, but she had breast cancer, and i believe that has a lower survival rate. i'm not sure.) anyway, i would shave it off just to be like "fuck you cancer"
Post by: maladroithim on June 04, 2008, 03:05:33 pm
EDIT: I don't know if this has come up or not yet but Tom Green survived testicular cancer and made a month's worth of episodes about it :(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 03:52:03 pm
christ I'm calling the doctor this is too much.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 04:08:55 pm
this sucks!!!
Post by: maladroithim on June 04, 2008, 04:10:27 pm
Try stretching or something? I don't know man that's terrible.
Post by: Ryan on June 04, 2008, 04:13:08 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 04:32:21 pm
Post by: Standard Toaster on June 04, 2008, 04:40:32 pm
it could have been your lungs! iirc the lungs are closer to your back than your chestthats the kidneys, the lungs are in front of the heart and right near the ribcage.
also i haven't posted in this topic because i can't really think of anything to say! i think you're one of the best members on this board, and it really sucks to see you going through this. even though you probably think i'm a huge douche or whatever i really respect you (which is a lot coming from RANDOM INTERNET PERSON). i know you'll pull through man, you're definitely strong enough
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 04:43:58 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 04, 2008, 04:46:22 pm
Haha, that you almost got banned for something like that is pure dictatorship.. Unless you started swearing at him..? Though that seems pretty OK around here. I didn't wish him good luck/cheering him on or anything (obviously), but swearing would be inappropriate, I think. Unless he really wants it..:Phey this post is dumb but i don't really get why so many of you are quoting/reporting it! it is more POINTLESS MUSING than anything actually malicious, so unless it was COMPLETELY AWFUL before the edit i sort of think you're overreacting.
Edit: Lol, had to edit my post to make it more friendly, too.
also shave your head man. aside from saving yourself the trauma of seeing your hair fall out in clumps, i don't think you understand how nice it is to have a shaved head in the summer time. it's hot and fuck feeling the wind in your hair, it's much better to feel it on your scalp! plus it's easier to manage!
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 04, 2008, 05:20:57 pm
Those symptoms, should you see a doctor if you've ever had those symptoms or only if you currently have the symptoms? Cause I had extreme discomfort from my testicles like a year ago, and they hurt for like a month for no reason. Like every time I walked they hurt from the momentum or something and I had to sit down just right. And then like a month ago I had this weird itchy rash on my scrotum. I tried anti-itch cream and aloe vera and stuff, but it didn't relieve it at all. It was constantly itchy and raw, then it went away. And sometimes when I urinate it, like hurts to get it started. I try and pee and it feels like it's blocked up and hurts pretty bad for a few seconds and I feel really sick to my stomach, then I finally get it through. Kind of scary.
Go see an urologist... I think it might be Varicocele, and while that usually isn't too serious, it hurts as hell.
this tree ain't got no sap in it if you know what I mean
my hose is clogged
my proverbial well is dry
theres no jelly in this donut
Steel: oh god thsi feelso good
Lady: YESS cum on myface
Steel: ok
*runs to freezer
You DO know that semen is not produced in the testicle, right?
Also... Steel, be sure to ask the Doctor well about the chemo side-effects and all if you haven't already, because despite what everyone thinks, it actually depends a lot on the actual drug used AND the patient himself, for example... My father underwent two years of chemo, one year of systemic IV chemo and one year where he regularly had chemo injected directly into his eyeball and HIS HAIR DID NOT FALL OFF.
And... ASE, Yes... it kills a lot of the cells in your body, that is why there is so much side effects in the first place.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 05:25:30 pm
also uh
EYEBALL
dude
WHAT.
Post by: hima on June 04, 2008, 05:39:25 pm
Post by: The Riddler on June 04, 2008, 05:39:51 pm
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 04, 2008, 06:04:49 pm
oh yeah absolutely I'm going to ask. I think he did mention the hair thing though, soooo no luck there.
also uh
EYEBALL
dude
WHAT.
Experimental treatment because the eye is really hard to reach via IV injections so even though the cancer was pretty much clear from his brain, there was a huge mass in his eye still... So, basically, we found this research paper about the eyeball injections having been done like twice in Israel and the US and the doctor was like "Oh great I could possibly publish this shit and I'd be the first Chilean to do it... Great."
It was a fucking pig's ear to pass that through the insurance, though.
Also, ask your Doctor what drug especially they'll be using and... Try not to mentalize so much about the hair shit, because If you really think it's going to fall... IT WILL. Hair loss due to stress is not uncommon at all.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 06:42:25 pm
this sucks!
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 04, 2008, 06:46:48 pm
Post by: Krinsdeath on June 04, 2008, 06:49:45 pm
Maybe I know other easy exercises/stretches but I have no idea where the pain is located.
something to consider I guess
edit: if you do the stretch, try to sit with as proper posture as you can, it doesn't really help you at all if you're sitting in a fucked up position
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 07:12:46 pm
it got a little better though, I'll keep light stretching.
also I hope no one minds my constant posting about dumb shit like this; posting on GW has always been somewhat cathartic (REALLY) and it helps to keep my mind off the more serious stuff sometimes! CANCER MEGATHREAD heh but yeah the minor derails and stuff also help keep my mind off the situation.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 04, 2008, 07:41:03 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 07:44:33 pm
wilt thou break the rod to save the child? thou wouldst.
Post by: Krinsdeath on June 04, 2008, 08:15:55 pm
basically cup your hand like you were going to take a drink from your palm, and then use the part of your palm close to the wrist and the base of your fingers to sort knead the muscle gently. it hard enough that you can feel it but not enough that it hurts enough to make you wince. I don't know if you specified left or right, but obviously use the opposite hand. if your left shoulder is hurting, use your right hand. etc.
edit: again proper posture is helpful, especially since this muscle helps with your breathing. btw if you are breathing really shallow this muscle will continue getting stressed, because it's the muscle that pulls your chest up for shallow breathing (unlike your diaphram which controls your full breathing)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 04, 2008, 08:18:19 pm
Post by: Cray on June 04, 2008, 10:08:31 pm
I really hope you'll get better, best of luck from Random internet person here.
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 04, 2008, 10:14:12 pm
Looks like it's not just symptom relief after all!
Post by: Jeff on June 04, 2008, 10:32:19 pm
you could try to have some alternative help too. I would highly recommend you to go to some biomagnetism therapies (or magnetotherapy sessions) of course not instead of real treatement, but I think it could help you a lot, and they aren't expensive. I know that half og GW (probably Steel included) will jump on me because I said that, but even though there doesn't seem to be a scientific explanation (or I haven't found it) I know many people with pretty different problems, and it seems to have helped a lot (and I really mean a LOT).There is scientific explanation. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Placebo_effect)
I really hope you'll get better, best of luck from Random internet person here.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 12:02:46 am
in other news Steve discovered that Johns Hopkins is the leading center for this stuff and mentioned the chances going up to like 80% (!!!) which if legit you best believe I will take that up so who knows???
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 05, 2008, 12:13:04 am
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 12:13:56 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 12:18:01 am
Something a little uh WEIRD I guess is that I'm handling this way too well. Like I harbor no illusions, I'm scared, I'm even scared of this bone scan tomorrow (if it's in my bones I can't imagine that could be good) but at the same time I'm really keeping an unnaturally positive attitude about this! I really kind of wonder if I'm just going to mentally snap during a chemo treatment and just eviscerate a nurse with a single syringe swipe.
As a result it's less that I feel like I have to change my life and more that if things don't pan out, I really gotta get some shit done before...before...
i...it...
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 05, 2008, 12:19:21 am
edit: cute sig
Quote
This one is pretty clever (and effective as hell, I'd bet) if you also post at GW. Do it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 12:25:19 am
like naturally I'd want to make sure everyone I did wrong to I did okay by but I already did that to anyone that would listen (my old roommate Rashid just said "OK" when Jon told him and uhhhh idk I'm not really thinking I'll bend over backwards for him) but other than that why would I need to change my personality? I mean I'm not the greatest guy buttttt let's be realistic if I was going to die, why bother really fixing a character flaw like "maybe I fart too much" or something? wouldn't it be better to spend the time I have left how I want rather than by a moral code which (atheist...) means nothing to me?
I've also wondered why no one in my situation who knows they are fucked doesn't like KILL PEOPLE. I don't mean innocent people but we know there are very bad people out there and I'm sure some of the people who get malignant lethal cancer are okay with removing them but this only happens in movies!
in bad related news I went for a small walk with a friend but couldn't get even a block before I started running out of breath. I'm really really hoping it's because I'm incredibly out of shape (from not doing anything for at least two weeks) and less because of the lump over the lungs. it probably is the out of shape thing too which is pathetic (even if excusable) because I don't feel the lump when I'm lying down anymore thanks to steroids.
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 12:34:02 am
Post by: Farren on June 05, 2008, 12:39:30 am
Yeah but I think most people with terminal illnesses don't have the strength to pull that kind of shit off because by the time you find out there is NO WAY IN HELL YOU GONNA LIVE its already too late and you can barely walk not to mention pull some crazy shit off that will kill all of you enemy.
so were you going to college when this shit started or what? Or maybe it was between semesters? How are you taking care of all of your medical shit and whatnot?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 12:44:35 am
I should uh...probably not talk about that on a public message board though HUH.
also yeah the plan was law school; I just got my scholarship letter the day I found out it was cancer :/ gotta defer that for a year!
also also I think a bit of it is last year I had a pretty traumatic experience and ended up getting rid of a lot of regrets. like I made up with a friend I hadn't spoken to in nine years, all sorts of shit. that might be why I'm not like NO...MY LIFE... because while I WOULD HAVE regrets (I want to be a dad etc) I have not too many right now!
except for...yelling at e-people...
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 12:47:57 am
I really hope you aren't saying that just because of how 'immature and childish' and how much of a giagantic asshole you think Steel is.
edit: cute sig
Yes because just because I have a negative slant about my opinion of him, that means I couldn't care less if he died and I have nothing valid to say to him because that apparently means that I think he's a worthless person and not worth any advice I'd give to someone who has cancer! Great deduction, smartass! Ever think of being a psychologist or something? You'd make a lot of money!!!
also hey lets talk about this: why would I want to improve?
like naturally I'd want to make sure everyone I did wrong to I did okay by but I already did that to anyone that would listen (my old roommate Rashid just said "OK" when Jon told him and uhhhh idk I'm not really thinking I'll bend over backwards for him) but other than that why would I need to change my personality? I mean I'm not the greatest guy buttttt let's be realistic if I was going to die, why bother really fixing a character flaw like "maybe I fart too much" or something? wouldn't it be better to spend the time I have left how I want rather than by a moral code which (atheist...) means nothing to me?
Well it's my philosophy that everyone is subject to improvement no matter what. It's not about changing your personality as it is so much as being a better person. Besides, what I said applies assuming you make it through this, not so much beforehand.
Quote
If (when) you come through this, I hope it makes you a different, or rather a better person than you ever were.
I go by the dogma of constant self improvement, and I believe more in being a good and meaningful contribution to society and my fellow man than having my own fun, but I guess that's just really how I feel about things personally, so obviously I wouldn't expect anyone else to follow it. Just sharing my views.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 05, 2008, 12:55:46 am
Yes because just because I have a negative slant about my opinion of him, that means I couldn't care less if he died and I have nothing valid to say to him because that apparently means that I think he's a worthless person and not worth any advice I'd give to someone who has cancer! Great deduction, smartass! Ever think of being a psychologist or something? You'd make a lot of money!!!
Hahaha you sounded alot like Mr Magical Negro just then.
I said it because if you are saying he should take the opportunity to change just because you don't like the person he is then that is kinda bullshit. Otherwise there isn't a problem, so maybe wipe the fog out of your glasses and calm down, I never said anything about you not caring if he died.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 12:57:31 am
not that this is FEEL GOOD CENTRAL but yeah kind of sick of it.
but yeah I'm uh...I'm pretty good man! I know someone will say MAYBE YOU COULD CHILL STEEL but whatever, I'm not a really aggressive person in real life and I do nice things for people mostly, and I'm an all around decent guy irl. kind of glad I don't have faith because then I'd really be a lot angrier because a lot of this is intensely unfair. I don't mean on a WHY ME level, but like, testicular cancer that doesn't appear in the testicles but in the lungs, how fair is that!
idk I've been honestly wondering what I should do if this does end up as a worst case scenario and I'm not sure really! not asking for advice or anything, but what a surreal situation.
also yeah I'm a little high on painkillers at the moment whoo.
Post by: mkkmypet on June 05, 2008, 01:01:27 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 01:03:26 am
if I end up DYING FOR SURE or whatever it might be an idea but right now I'm very girlbones about the whole thing.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 01:09:59 am
Quote
Hahaha you sounded alot like Mr Magical Negro just then.
I said it because if you are saying he should take the opportunity to change just because you don't like the person he is then that is kinda bullshit. Otherwise there isn't a problem, so maybe wipe the fog out of your glasses and calm down, I never said anything about you not caring if he died.
When I say "change" and self improvement, I am not in any way referring to how he acts online or any of that. I couldn't give a shit about someone's e-persona or whatever because they're more or less irrelevant to how someone is in real life and real life in general. What I'm saying has nothing to do with his online personality, nor does my opinion of him have anything to do with I'm saying. I'll elaborate below.
mog please dont stretch this into another topic.
not that this is FEEL GOOD CENTRAL but yeah kind of sick of it.
but yeah I'm uh...I'm pretty good man! I know someone will say MAYBE YOU COULD CHILL STEEL but whatever, I'm not a really aggressive person in real life and I do nice things for people mostly, and I'm an all around decent guy irl. kind of glad I don't have faith because then I'd really be a lot angrier because a lot of this is intensely unfair. I don't mean on a WHY ME level, but like, testicular cancer that doesn't appear in the testicles but in the lungs, how fair is that!
idk I've been honestly wondering what I should do if this does end up as a worst case scenario and I'm not sure really! not asking for advice or anything, but what a surreal situation.
also yeah I'm a little high on painkillers at the moment whoo.
You're misunderstanding what I'm saying a bit. This has nothing to do with your e-persona at all. I'm not talking about LET'S FEEL GOOD or BEING A NICE GUY. I'm talking about really sitting down, reviewing yourself, and seeing how you can improve yourself even a little. Volunteer somewhere. Make good with the people you wronged (you said you did this), spend more time with your family, do something for your fellow man. Improve your character flaws (because I'm sure you, just like everyone else has a lot of them), just...be a better person. It's not like you are going to die, if you make it out of this, at least you'll walk away being a stronger, worthwhile person. Spend less time being sad/feeling sorry for yourself (even though you deserve to just let it out and cry) and improving yourself and making things worthwhile.
I don't know some people may dismiss this as "MOG'S TALKING STUPID AGAIN", but I'm a big believer in everyone having a purpose and everyone can always improve themselves and those around him, so...
Post by: mkkmypet on June 05, 2008, 01:11:03 am
eh, that's the thing. I don't feel depressed or anything. I'm dealing with this fine.
if I end up DYING FOR SURE or whatever it might be an idea but right now I'm very girlbones about the whole thing.
ha, well, that's good. :] yeah, just know that there's lots of people who care about you and will support you, and we don't mind if you complain or rant about all your little pains and procedures. as you've seen already, some of us may even know how to help. but yeah, keep chillin' as much as you can; attitude affects more than you'd think.
also i think im going to start using "girlbones" as an adjective in everday conversation.
EDIT: ugh mog you're not helping or convincing anyone, just stop.
Post by: The Riddler on June 05, 2008, 01:11:10 am
Post by: Standard Toaster on June 05, 2008, 01:13:15 am
eh, that's the thing. I don't feel depressed or anything. I'm dealing with this fine.wait isnt girlbones generally pretty pissed and bitter (2 many druges)
if I end up DYING FOR SURE or whatever it might be an idea but right now I'm very girlbones about the whole thing.
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 01:13:58 am
fuuuuck i hate active topics. i click post and it's like SOMEONE POSTED ALREADY!!!! so i immediately click it again and it just says the same thing stop posting guys!!!
Post by: jamie on June 05, 2008, 01:14:28 am
this maybe a weird or inappropriate question and if it is, i apologize, but have you begun to doubt atheism in any way since finding out? as in, what if i was wrong or anything? i know someone who basically converted christianity, and became very religious during the chemo. i dunno, i guess they felt better safe than sorry or something.
honestly this something i wonder. cos i have faced shit, and i haven't pondered yet.
- not my post
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 01:15:25 am
whoa just had a headrush.
but yeah I do this shit pretty constantly. I mean, if I get through this, my plans aren't changing, I'm planning on working in some of the lowest paying law just to help people. it's really my shtick!
I'm far from Mother Theresa but you know I volunteer at soup kitchens, all that stuff. I try and be a genuinely nice person and help people and all that. that's kind of why I'm not so much GOTTA...MAKE MY LIFE COUNT. I've always had that plan!
man I'm kind of glad I don't have faith because I'd be really fucking bitter huh.
this maybe a weird or inappropriate question and if it is, i apologize, but have you begun to doubt atheism in any way since finding out? as in, what if i was wrong or anything? i know someone who basically converted christianity, and became very religious during the chemo. i dunno, i guess they felt better safe than sorry or something.
I know this isn't how it works but I basically said before the diagnosis OKAY GOD IF YOU ARE THERE YOU GET THIS ONE CHANCE. YOU MAKE THIS NOT CANCER, I'LL LOOK FOR YOU AND I WON'T STOP UNTIL I'M SURE I'VE EXHAUSTED EVERY POSSIBILITY OR FOUND YOU. IF YOU FUCK ME, I MEAN, WELLLLLL YOU AINT BEEN DOING MUCH FOR ME LATELY.
so that's how that panned out!
wait isnt girlbones generally pretty pissed and bitter (2 many druges)
smoke weed all day....ANGER weed
yeah I meant the chillaxed way oh well still a good adjective.
img onna eat a pasta furiously.
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 01:17:17 am
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 01:19:55 am
I do all this already though! that's kidn o
whoa just had a headrush.
but yeah I do this shit pretty constantly. I mean, if I get through this, my plans aren't changing, I'm planning on working in some of the lowest paying law just to help people. it's really my shtick!
I'm far from Mother Theresa but you know I volunteer at soup kitchens, all that stuff. I try and be a genuinely nice person and help people and all that. that's kind of why I'm not so much GOTTA...MAKE MY LIFE COUNT. I've always had that plan!
Okay, I see what you mean now. A lot of people who've been in situations such as this tend to come to the conclusion that they live really shitty lives, and so they basically make a 180 degree turn in pretty much every flaw they feel they have. But I see what you mean now.
Quote
I know this isn't how it works but I basically said before the diagnosis OKAY GOD IF YOU ARE THERE YOU GET THIS ONE CHANCE. YOU MAKE THIS NOT CANCER, I'LL LOOK FOR YOU AND I WON'T STOP UNTIL I'M SURE I'VE EXHAUSTED EVERY POSSIBILITY OR FOUND YOU. IF YOU FUCK ME, I MEAN, WELLLLLL YOU AINT BEEN DOING MUCH FOR ME LATELY.
so that's how that panned out!
I actually wondered this too. It will be interesting looking back on this sentiment once you make it through.
Quote
EDIT: ugh mog you're not helping or convincing anyone, just stop.
Shut the fuck up, ok? Thanks.
Post by: jamie on June 05, 2008, 01:21:13 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 01:41:51 am
bad news is tomorrow needles and cat scan shit which is just not fun.
Post by: Farren on June 05, 2008, 01:46:28 am
that shit doesn't usually bother me but I've heard if you get something to distract your attention it helps, I'd specifically ask for a hot ass nurse.
on another note when I fell and busted by head on that ship the medic on board gave me like ten shot locals in the fucking head all for one stitch and I would have just taken the fukcing stitch if I knew I'd have to go through that shit
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 01:50:20 am
unfortunately I am an enormous pussy when it comes to needles and IVs especially nauseate me (I threw up when they put it in before) but I will have to get used to them huh!
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 05, 2008, 01:52:21 am
Post by: Lars on June 05, 2008, 02:17:42 am
I'm pretty sure there's a handful of other people that want to get in here and say something of the likes "HOPE YOU LEARN YOUR LESSON STEEL" or "YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED" etc like a petty fucking bastard without no decensy at all, but get what, they actually DO have that decensy which makes me pretty surprised that you of all people should go ranting about this shit when some of the worst scum on GW that are strong Steel-haters somehow manages to stay the fuck away.
I strongly advice you to stop posting your agendas here because otherwise you'll find yourself one of the most disliked members on here pretty fucking fast.
Besides, trying to give Steel some moral obligation that he should enjoy life for every breath he has or consider how he can change for his better when he's in the starting phase of what will be the toughest path he'll ever walk down is just wrong. He's the one that has to struggle, not you, you don't get to tell him shit about how he should respond to this.
This is Steel's thing and he's dealing with this as a hero and he makes all of us proud and even yet you come here with your shit god damnit you made me really angry IRL rite now I have to blow some steam off...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 02:20:42 am
appreciated though.
Post by: WunderBread on June 05, 2008, 02:27:55 am
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 02:31:27 am
Man MOG, I've never had anything against you or spoken out against you even though a lot of people seem to hate you, but holy fucking shit you need to bring your agenda out of here and stop being a prick. Like seriously. I am starting to strongly dislike you just for this post and it really is disgusting to read your shit. Even mkkympet is being WAY more mature than you are so just stop. Seriously.
I'm pretty sure there's a handful of other people that want to get in here and say something of the likes "HOPE YOU LEARN YOUR LESSON STEEL" or "YOU GOT WHAT YOU DESERVED" etc like a petty fucking bastard without no decensy at all, but get what, they actually DO have that decensy which makes me pretty surprised that you of all people should go ranting about this shit when some of the worst scum on GW that are strong Steel-haters somehow manages to stay the fuck away.
I strongly advice you to stop posting your agendas here because otherwise you'll find yourself one of the most disliked members on here pretty fucking fast.
Besides, trying to give Steel some moral obligation that he should enjoy life for every breath he has or consider how he can change for his better when he's in the starting phase of what will be the toughest path he'll ever walk down is just wrong. He's the one that has to struggle, not you, you don't get to tell him shit about how he should respond to this.
This is Steel's thing and he's dealing with this as a hero and he makes all of us proud and even yet you come here with your shit god damnit you made me really angry IRL rite now I have to blow some steam off...
You missed the entire point of what I was saying entirely. Way to go. I suggest sitting down in the corner and thinking very hard until you reach the enlightened state of possessing reading comprehension because you missed the entire point of my post. Sit down somewhere and cool off before you fucking blow a gasket or some shit.
I'm not giving steel a moral obligation to do shit. I'm just posting my opinion of something he can do like everyone else here. If it goes against the grain of what everyone else thinks, so the fuck what; I mean no malice or harm about it. I'm not POSTING MY AGENDA or what the fuck ever, I'm giving him a viewpoint and advice that he can take or leave like anything else. In fact, I wouldn't think any less of him if he went "FUCK YOU MOG I AIN'T DOIN' THAT SHIT". It's just an option that he can take, or he can do things his own way which absolutely no one can blame him for.
You have TwoBeers who basically told him to fuck off, you have Doktor who told him to eat dandelions or some shit, and then of course you have the rest of GW that's giving him genuine advice and whatnot, and when I come along and tell him that I think it would be a good idea if he took this opportunity to reassess himself and enjoy life, I catch heat for it? Fuck that. I gave him my reasonable two cents and advice like everyone else, and if you think what I had to say was fundamentally worse than anyone else here, you can go fuck yourself.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 02:35:52 am
so yeaaaah I don't really blame people for thinking you're being kind of a judgmental prick when you are!
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 05, 2008, 02:36:50 am
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 02:41:43 am
you're catching heat for it because the implication is I need to reassess myself to begin with and it's kind of clear you're dropping a big ole HINT HINT...MAYBEY OU WANNA STOP BEING A DICK TO ME HMMMMM when really I mean uh...you don't know me dude. I don't even mean know me like YOU DONT KNOW MY HUSTLE but we've never even had a conversation. what are you basing this whole REASSESS YOUR LIFE thing on if not incredibly limited interaction?
so yeaaaah I don't really blame people for thinking you're being kind of a judgmental prick when you are!
I already addressed this. First of all, like I said before my statements have nothing to do with how you act over the internet or HOW MEAN YOU ARE WAH WAH. I clarified this already in case someone wants to bring it up again. Like I said before, I believe in constant self reflection and self improvement. There's always room to be better and there's always room to be a better person than you were yesterday. Always strive to be better than you are. I figure a lot of people here don't believe in such a gay sounding mantra but hey that's just me, like I said, take it or leave it, no one's forcing my moral obligation on anyone. I don't do that passive aggressive "maybe he'll stop being so mean if i tell him this...". I said what I said and I meant what I meant.
I'd tell exactly what I told you to anyone. Why does telling someone they can always improve themselves mean they're being a judgmental prick? Shit's ridiculous.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 02:45:13 am
you don't see that as the slightest bit insulting, and that it's very easy to reach the conclusion you're only saying it because I've been an ass to you? if not then maybe there's just an impasse here and you don't get it buttttt in the future yeah it's kind of insulting and you shouldn't say it so keep that in mind if nothing else?
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 02:49:15 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 02:56:23 am
basically I have no idea what some vague "be a better person" shit could mean and it could be clearly minimal or I'm working on it already, at least in my opinion, so to suggest there's some massive character flaw in me that I should fix, yeah, it's kind of a dick thing to say! do you really not follow this train of thought? people are overreacting (badly because of the context but w/e) but it's not too much of a stretch man.
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 02:58:37 am
You're all going apeshit on Mog and I am COMPLETELY NEUTRAL towards him so I think I'm pretty unbiased here when I say you're overreacting. The issue is that he doesn't really know Steel all that much, but at the same time, I think this is something of a double standard because we all make a habit of judging people we've had virtually no personal interaction with based solely on forum posts (WIP). We all say things based on the impressions we get of people, and those are in turn based on the actions we see. Mog doesn't know Steel, but most of us don't really know anyone on here and that doesn't stop us from offering advice, especially when it's more or less said with good intentions, and especially when the advice, which essentially amounts to "don't just survive, use this as an opportunity to legitimately better yourself", doesn't really require knowing the person. It's a relatively benign thing to say, and I think don't think it's worth getting offended over when it's not bad advice and the person meant well.
You're all treating it as if he said HEH THAT'LL LEARN YA MAYBE NOW YOU WON'T BE SUCH A DICK, and while it's easy to misconstrue what he's saying that way, I don't think he's trying to be malicious at all. I think what he's trying to say is that NO ONE'S PERFECT that that hopefully Steel will use this opportunity not only to not only survive, but put his life in perspective, and hopefully come out the other end minus a few flaws that he absolutely has as a result.
Is that so bad? Not really, but kind of! I think had someone who knows Steel well said it, it would've been fine, but it's like making weird borderline offensive jokes with someone you hardly know; it's not really your place to say this kind of thing Mog and I think it easily comes off as something else so this is poor phrasing/just speaking out of turn on your part. But uh, I don't really think it's that big of a deal, and I'm sort of glad that he actually put in the time to make a thoughtful post instead of saying THAT SUX GET BETTER :/// like 90% of the people in this topic, so yeah get off his dick.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 02:59:59 am
I think you mean get off his ass.
just some Info From Me To You.
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 03:00:38 am
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 03:02:48 am
Quote
so to suggest there's some massive character flaw in me that I should fix, yeah, it's kind of a dick thing to say!
Except I didn't suggest anything of the sort. Imagine that.
its kind of insulting dude don't you see that. like, I know you meant well but yeah you don't really get to tell just ANYONE "make your life better". aside from being kind of a hokey sentiment (why do I need to use cancer to make my life better again?) it's a little irritating. I mean, if I was some sixty year old guy, you wouldn't say this.
basically I have no idea what some vague "be a better person" shit could mean and it could be clearly minimal or I'm working on it already, at least in my opinion, so to suggest there's some massive character flaw in me that I should fix, yeah, it's kind of a dick thing to say! do you really not follow this train of thought? people are overreacting (badly because of the context but w/e) but it's not too much of a stretch man.
So it's apparently you have no idea what I'm trying to say or the sentiment I "tried" to express. It's cool, but I gave you credit for being much smarter than that, steel! Let's just drop this before someone starts foaming at the mouth or something.
fuuuuuck okay guys shut the hell up already
You're all going apeshit on Mog and I am COMPLETELY NEUTRAL towards him so I think I'm pretty unbiased here when I say you're overreacting. The issue is that he doesn't really know Steel all that much, but at the same time, I think this is something of a double standard because we all make it a habit of judging people we've had virtually no personal conversations with based solely on forum posts (WIP). But you're treating it as if he said HEH THAT'LL LEARN YA MAYBE NOW YOU WON'T BE SUCH A DICK, and while it's easy to misconstrue what he's saying that way, I don't think he's trying to be malicious at all. I think what he's trying to say is that NO ONE'S PERFECT that that hopefully Steel will use this opportunity not only to not only survive, but put his life in perspective, and hopefully come out the other end minus a few flaws that he absolutely has as a result.
Jesus Christ somebody finally gets it hallelujah
Quote
Is that so bad? Not really, but kind of! I think had someone who knows Steel well said it, it would've been fine, but it's like making weird borderline offensive jokes with someone you hardly know; it's not really your place to say this kind of thing Mog and I think it easily comes off as something else so this is poor phrasing/just speaking out of place on your part.
I see what you mean and I apologize for STEPPING THE LINE or whatever. I meant nothing by it but advice, and I wasn't trying to drop hints or be passive aggressive or any of that shit. Just giving advice, was all.
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on June 05, 2008, 03:03:38 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 03:06:13 am
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dick+riding
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=dick+rider
that last one has ANNOYING PERSON so maybe you are right.
also I guess mog's not really getting but I mean in the future pal don't really tell people you don't know that well that they can use some tragedy to improve their life. it's rarely helpful, and if they don't know you they will probably get angry!
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 03:12:26 am
Quote
also I guess mog's not really getting but I mean in the future pal don't really tell people you don't know that well that they can use some tragedy to improve their life. it's rarely helpful, and if they don't know you they will probably get angry!
I've encountered a lot of people going through shit and I've told them the same thing I told you and this is the first time I've ever gotten anything more than a "Thanks, I really appreciate that, man."
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 03:14:06 am
also you know i edited my post about TWELVE TIMES. i have a serious problem with editing!
oh and also i didnt need urban dictionary to tell me i'm right ;)
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 03:15:41 am
heh....thanks bazookatooth...thanks A LOT
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 03:17:09 am
I've encountered a lot of people going through shit and I've told them the same thing I told you and this is the first time I've ever gotten anything more than a "Thanks, I really appreciate that, man."
well either you're lying, they were your friends (meaning you can make that call), or they were being polite (almost certainly) because I am telling you it's kind of insulting and apparently that's not registering with you but just trust me on this one maybe???
Post by: ase on June 05, 2008, 03:17:50 am
telling people you know IRL is different than telling e-stranger. on the internet, whether you like it or not it comes off as a sarcastic "heh... maybe now you'll become a better person," while in real life you can actually physically comfort the person, give them a hug, cry for them, truly express how sorry you are to see them in their predicament, and then pat them in the shoulder and saying something that they can interpret as honesty: "Hey, look on the bright side. Maybe this whole ordeal will help you become EVEN BETTER than you were before *hug*"
ahahha man it would be the best thing right now if render came in and mocked my mediation abilitiesasdkl;fj;asldjfaklsjf this is the 3rd time today i have posted something and WARNING 3 NEW REPLIES, only to find out that someone read my mind while I was posting
heh....thanks bazookatooth...thanks A LOT
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 03:23:11 am
well either you're lying, they were your friends (meaning you can make that call), or they were being polite (almost certainly) because I am telling you it's kind of insulting and apparently that's not registering with you but just trust me on this one maybe???nope youre just bein a touchy lil woman
guess thats what a college education gets ya these days....
Post by: Dale Gobbler on June 05, 2008, 03:32:11 am
but yeah I do this shit pretty constantly. I mean, if I get through this, my plans aren't changing, I'm planning on working in some of the lowest paying law just to help people. it's really my shtick!
I'm far from Mother Theresa but you know I volunteer at soup kitchens, all that stuff. I try and be a genuinely nice person and help people and all that. that's kind of why I'm not so much GOTTA...MAKE MY LIFE COUNT. I've always had that plan!
Wow, I never expected you to do these things or have these kind of values (compared to your e-personality). That's sounds really awesome and heartwarming. I wish I could actually do something with my life close to that, but doubt I could come to terms with my self-centered thoughts and do things to just help people.
Also, if any of those testicular problems come back, I'll see a doctor, but I think I'm sort of in the clear now.
Post by: baseball19225 on June 05, 2008, 03:34:35 am
nope youre just bein a touchy lil womanwow the testicular cancer has already destroyed his balls i guess.....
Post by: crone_lover720 on June 05, 2008, 04:47:01 am
ahahha man it would be the best thing right now if render came in and mocked my mediation abilitiesyou did a good job dude don't sweat it :)
heh....thanks bazookatooth...thanks A LOT
Post by: Wil on June 05, 2008, 06:07:30 am
I'm so so sorry, BE STRONG, you still have to go to law school and do a lot of amazing shit.
Post by: dada on June 05, 2008, 06:13:39 am
:words:Man, sorry for this, but uh, you are not being very subtle!
HEY I'M NOT SAYIN' BUT I'M JUST SAYIN'.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 05, 2008, 06:14:53 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 05, 2008, 06:16:46 am
Post by: dada on June 05, 2008, 06:28:25 am
Post by: Iaman on June 05, 2008, 06:35:45 am
So don't fucking die you bastard.
Post by: Kezay on June 05, 2008, 06:44:07 am
Kind of sucks though, I read page one and all the way to page 7 I actually felt my heart beating in the back of my throat and my breath somewhat getting shorter hoping for good news, or rather better news than the alternative. The shock I felt when I read the news was something indescribable and one of the first things that jumped into my head was wanting to kick myself for having ever been at odds with you. It almost made me feel like the worst kind of person there is; but I won't dwell on it too much since you did say you didn't want this becoming some feel good thread type thing. However, I still felt I had to say something - I won't say anything has changed really, but I'm not a fan of being a dick so, whatever.
One thing though, do whatever you can to avoid hitting that breaking point like a load of bricks as you're anticipating. I imagine that's something that can't be avoided, and you're a better man than a lot of people I know if you can go through it all without simply "letting it all out" one day. But simply from experience in seeing how my own family has reacted, both those on the outside as well as those who were diagnosed with conditions, don't let it run you. It might even help those around you stay strong for your sake and on the whole things might not have to be as stressful. I had an uncle who had sickle cell anemia, and other than the hospital he checked into every so often, you never would have known he had a condition and I think that helped a lot of people cope with him throughout the duration.
So yeah, kind of shitty at how things can end up. If anything, I'd say a lot of people are on the right track in suggesting ways to help you cope with the side effects of the treatments especially. Whatever makes the process easier on you might help with things regarding everyone else around you. I think throughout this thread the thing that seemed most depressing was how often you mentioned how your mom was taking it. At the very least, consider it for her sake too.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 10:20:43 am
Post by: Lars on June 05, 2008, 11:34:59 am
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 05, 2008, 02:20:22 pm
p.s. Mog ARGH you're annoying why why why :sad:
Post by: ase on June 05, 2008, 02:25:14 pm
Post by: dicko on June 05, 2008, 03:12:55 pm
today is my cat and bone scan.
shouldn't it be dog and bone scan?
good luck man!
Post by: Christophomicus on June 05, 2008, 03:33:47 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 05:17:25 pm
the bone scan was boring at first; it's just 20 minutes you have to lie perfectly still. however they then rescanned my head UH OH but he showed me the scan and kind of accidentally hinted that they were just checking and it doesn't look like it's in the bone. on googling, http://content.revolutionhealth.com/contentimages/h9991195.jpg I saw nothing like the fire spots here other than around my bladder and spine which I think is expected with radioactive isotopes (and it was so consistent and not asymmetrical bumps so). anyone who can find good comparison shots of bone scans though, please post so I can reassure myself YOU CAN PLAY THE GAME.
but yeah my spirits are pretty low. I really can't do IVs like this, I gotta look into getting a port inserted or sedation.
spirits low, men forced to eat horses.
Post by: Frankie on June 05, 2008, 05:56:44 pm
Anyways man I don't know what to say here. I hope the GWs are being entertaining as of late. Like with the superb things happening with youtubers. I don't remember what I did when I was in the hospital for a couple weeks a few years back, I think I just slept all day. With a laptop its prolly much better.
Post by: Evangel on June 05, 2008, 06:09:36 pm
I'm not too hot on needles either. My strategy is to just not look.
You should also inquire about medical marijuana, if that kind of thing is legal in your area. Smoke weed everyday...
Post by: fatty on June 05, 2008, 06:29:04 pm
Post by: Jeff on June 05, 2008, 06:41:24 pm
You should also inquire about medical marijuana, if that kind of thing is legal in your area. Smoke weed everyday...http://www.gamingw.net/forums/index.php?topic=72509.0
Post by: headphonics on June 05, 2008, 06:51:43 pm
Post by: Farren on June 05, 2008, 06:59:35 pm
lets just say it isn't legal in Carolina and steel wants to use his cancer as a sob story to make it so, even though he won't smoke it.
Post by: Jeff on June 05, 2008, 07:07:35 pm
he's not a premium, dude!maybe this will encourage him to get premium instead of being el cheapo
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 07:35:15 pm
anyways it's not the uh NEEDLE part, its the fact that it stays in. like, I have a serious physical and emotional reaction to this stuff, I really don't know what to do!
Post by: fatty on June 05, 2008, 07:38:53 pm
yeah I figured if I've got the advantage of a sob story maybe I should use it! who knows how that will pan out.just try to look at it and I am pretty sure that it will probably come to you that it is not such a big deal after all!
anyways it's not the uh NEEDLE part, its the fact that it stays in. like, I have a serious physical and emotional reaction to this stuff, I really don't know what to do!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 05, 2008, 08:21:58 pm
this would have been bad seeing as how I just swallowed a bottle of coloring agent and needed to swallow another but got lucky!
an edit update: my IV scar already irritates me (not like ACTUALLY but just EWWWW ITS KIND OF GROSS) and tomorrow we see the doc for scan results and also I'm getting some more needling I think for sperm freezing.
if there's a needle going in my dick I'm going sterile fuck it.
Post by: headphonics on June 06, 2008, 02:58:08 am
Post by: headphonics on June 06, 2008, 02:58:35 am
Post by: Farren on June 06, 2008, 03:41:24 am
or just jerk off into 30 cups incase the first one won't take
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 06, 2008, 05:15:42 am
if there's a needle going in my dick I'm going sterile fuck it.Eh.
Idk man, think about your prospective children. You could tell them about how their daddy endured a needle going in his nuts just so they could be born. They'd think you're a hero!
Ungh... but just thinking about a needle going in my nuts... owwww.... my left nut wants to kick my imagination's imaginary ass.
Post by: Tau on June 06, 2008, 07:39:22 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 06, 2008, 11:59:20 am
Eh.
Idk man, think about your prospective children. You could tell them about how their daddy endured a needle going in his nuts just so they could be born. They'd think you're a hero!
who ever says something like this to their children
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 02:00:05 pm
going to sperm bank and seeing the doctor for scan results in about...2 or 3 hours. like I said earlier it apparently doesn't matter, but you know it's just a GOOD THING imho if it was just this little baseball over my lung or however big it was. I mean Lance Armstrong had it ALL OVER HIS BODY and while like I said the treatment course doesn't matter CHRIST thats scarier to look at.
Post by: DDay on June 06, 2008, 04:19:33 pm
Post by: Bled on June 06, 2008, 05:01:40 pm
Post by: Zatham on June 06, 2008, 06:03:10 pm
50% isn't that bad, really.
Also, if you're going to have cancer, best to have it when you are young, "strong" and are in the best condition to fight it off.
OK just thought I'd come by and state the obvious.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 07:45:03 pm
suffered my first big defeat today, I'm afraid. that needle paranoia has unfortunately evolved into a full blown phobia. the sperm thing was fine, I was able to jerk off in the cup. it was REALLY REALLY FUCKING WEIRD though. like there's just all these Playboys on the ground and some kind of bad porn looping on a tv set with headphones and a paper doily on a chair for you to sit and jerk off in. but that wasn't too bad I did that in like five minute (L.O.L.) buttttt
then they said okay bloodwork time and I just couldn't do the needle! I started to pass out. so this is pretty bad, I guess I won't have kids lmao. it's not a big deal, I've always wanted to adopt rather than have my own, but for the first time I failed and felt some genuine misery. kind of sucks, honestly I was a little broken for a while.
but the irrelevant good news: bone scan revealed nothing in the bone, and CAT shows nothing anywhere else. yaaay too bad it never mattered to begin with. we also finally got him to admit there is a second cycle of chemo if this fails so I've got at least another year of life, haha. that one is when they do such intense chemo they gotta replace your bone marrow. crazy shit.
otherwise, we decided a few things.
1. because of my new crippling IV fear, we're getting a port put in my chest. this is basically just a bump right under the skin you can't really feel and doesn't need to be removed until you're all done. still gross but preferable to vein destruction (ASFDASFDASG dont like talking about this). we're doing that next week Thursday morning at like six.
2. because of the 4th of July weekend, we're starting chemo the week after next instead of next so there's no break and we can aggressively treat it. my hair's supposed to fall out in the third week of treatment too, so look forward to that.
basically I can't help but think of the GW assholes who have always been like "STEEL...NEEDS TO LEARN HUMILITY". y...you win. seriously though the sperm freezing thing kind of ruined me for an hour. I've never liked needles but now I'm apparently really fucked with them huh.
so that's the update so far. I mean, not too much news but we've got a schedule. like I said, the best thing you guys can do is be entertaining and cool in the week of chemo so I can have shit to read and do while I'm just sitting there next to all these old people.
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 06, 2008, 07:59:34 pm
I will try and write something to entertain you or at least MAKE something. People should make you things. I'm done with exams on Tuesday so I'll see what I can do man.
Post by: big ass skelly on June 06, 2008, 08:08:12 pm
also my brother has a phobia of needles, it's not much fun. It's not really something that's easy to overcome either so I'm glad there are other methods of getting the shit you need inside you
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 08:26:09 pm
also crumply...you're a staffer...just...*coughs* make me...proud
*falls silent*
Post by: Ryan on June 06, 2008, 08:43:30 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 08:47:25 pm
did you really???
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 08:47:45 pm
that's too fucking e-touching!
Post by: Brown on June 06, 2008, 08:47:54 pm
but aside from that steel do your best and never give up! keep us updated
Post by: Ryan on June 06, 2008, 08:49:02 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 08:50:10 pm
no one do anything like this you'll make me get all weepy and e-motional...
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 06, 2008, 08:52:52 pm
no one do anything like this you'll make me get all weepy and e-motional...don't make me do this
seriously, i am going to the hairdresser's tomorrow anyway
i am the kind of guy that would just do this on a whim
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 08:56:58 pm
Post by: kermit the toad on June 06, 2008, 08:59:54 pm
e-motional...I want to do it just to see you use this lame word again. I am e-motional, and I listen to e-mocore (it is electronic emo music...it really sucks the goat's balls).
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 06, 2008, 09:28:02 pm
Post by: Summoner on June 06, 2008, 09:33:26 pm
But damn man, I seriously wanted to post something but couldn't.
If it makes you feel any better my Grandfather went through this (this exact cancer, except his was actually in his testicles) and he was given an even lower chance to live (like 15%) because of his age and history of smoking and such and he got through and indeed lived another 6 years before dieing of something completely unrelated.
so yeah, if he can beat it, so can you.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 09:42:12 pm
Post by: Summoner on June 06, 2008, 10:28:45 pm
Post by: Dale Gobbler on June 06, 2008, 10:29:58 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 06, 2008, 10:35:10 pm
basically instead of constantly injecting and destroying a vein (barrrrf) they just slide a thing under your skin near the chest so they can just poke that and it doesn't hurt or whatever.
you can probably look it up, just google chemotherapy port if you're curious. it's still gross so I dont want to really dwell on it!
Post by: Farren on June 06, 2008, 11:57:31 pm
Post by: TMAC on June 07, 2008, 01:24:59 am
Also, fuck Vicodin, get some Percocet prescribed if you're still in pain.
PS: Steel, I don't really know you that well since I was active in 2003 and just recently unlurked for a brief time, but yeah: Beat that shit like a drunken redneck beats his wife after she accidentally unplugs the TV cord with her massive cankles during the 499th mile in the Daytona 500.
PPS: Fuck.
PPPS: When the celestial bodies align themselves, and my estrogen levels rise I might divulge a
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 07, 2008, 03:49:11 am
Post by: Farren on June 07, 2008, 03:53:30 am
You could take a hot bath, I think I heard from somewhere that helps with tense muscles but you probably shouldn't quote me on that.
Post by: HL on June 07, 2008, 04:12:34 am
Post by: mkkmypet on June 07, 2008, 04:18:10 am
also, if you're up to doing a bit of yoga, that would probably help a lot. it's very calming for the body and mind, and it's pretty fun if you put on some good music to stretch to. yoga's better than just stretching randomly, because it works certain muscles in certain ways and is more fun. you'll keep your muscles relaxed if you have a bit of yoga in your day. (i do a 1-hour yoga routine every day, and it's fun~)
as for other stress relief exercises, here's some:
breath in deeply, breathe out. try to clear your mind and just imagine the air going in and out of your lungs and all through your body. do this for a while, trying not to think of anything else.
try visualizing that you are somewhere else, somewhere nice. imagine how each of your senses would react to that environment. try to smell, see, taste, etc. everything you are imagining. this one is good for doctor visits and things, especially if you're a bit drugged up and numbed. xD (works well for me~)
so yeah, dunno if any of those are what you're looking for, but i hope it helps. :D
Post by: Wil on June 07, 2008, 05:04:42 am
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 07, 2008, 05:40:26 am
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 07, 2008, 07:13:11 am
Because if you've got a fear of needles and stuff, a catheter is actually a lot worse because it can often get infected and if your white cells go down, you could even get a septic shock, worst case.
I'm not really sure what you mean by a port (lol english, non-native, etc) so I could be shitting out of the can here, but just thought I'd say so in case.
Post by: Farren on June 07, 2008, 07:26:54 am
Edit: I'm gonna see if they make an xbox remote for steels port so that I can control him like a puppet
Post by: local_dunce on June 07, 2008, 10:08:34 am
So if you go bald, I go bald.
*pumps fist*
Post by: Vellfire on June 07, 2008, 12:53:18 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on June 07, 2008, 01:03:40 pm
I will shave my head for you man. I know you said NOBODY DO THIS but fuck you to be honest. It's just because you don't get the option of NOT BEING BALD and its not like its HEAD HAIR, your eyebrows and shit are gonna fall out too and as far as I know its a pretty tough thing to have to deal with. People will look at you and think CANCER and its a symbol that you just wont be able to get away from.i might do it too...
So if you go bald, I go bald.
*pumps fist*
i'd actually already thought about doing it just as one of those awareness things (since my hair is usually pretty long/thick people would go WHOAH) so maybe this would be a good time...
*pumps fist*
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 07, 2008, 01:14:51 pm
like the acts of solidarity people have been doing or saying have been the things that have really been making me sad. like my uncle seemed so helpless and was like I...I CAN'T BRING HTE KIDS OVER.
THEY WONT KNOW WHATS GOING ON :(
dont shave you head unless you were going to!
also it's not a catheter, catheters go into your dick!
edit: I'll probably start posting some pictures in this thread soonish. not of like gross shit but it's almost fascinating how much my tophalf has ballooned and I'm sure people want to see me go bald so!
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 07, 2008, 02:27:11 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 07, 2008, 02:43:28 pm
Post by: local_dunce on June 07, 2008, 03:33:14 pm
no dudes I will seriously cry.
like the acts of solidarity people have been doing or saying have been the things that have really been making me sad. like my uncle seemed so helpless and was like I...I CAN'T BRING HTE KIDS OVER.
I think it's more a case of, if anyone of us had cancer you would be the first guy to say LET'S ALL SHAVE OUR HEADS AND SHOW SOME SUPPORT. We don't want to make you sad but come on.
*pumps fist*
If I could erradicate GW Cancer talk that would be radical because the last thing you want is for everyone to suddenly go sympathetic on you. "OH YOU HAVE CANCER? HOW IS THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU?" and you know every time you walk into a room everyone is going to start treating you differently and give you concerned looks and shit. It's not like anyone wants to actively go out and make you sad but I can't be that sympathetic TREAT YOU DIFFERENT NOW YOU DYING guy who starts acting like that. I would rather be the guy who punches you in the mouth every time you mention cancer. But I CAN shave my head and show some support for what you're going through. I love my hair man, I like having hair so much I have never been bald but fuck you if you think I wont do it just because you don't want the sympathy.
If you don't want the sympathy why don't you spit on the doctor when he offers you a wheelchair or something.
I don't even think this makes sense.
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 07, 2008, 03:59:35 pm
Quote
Uses
Placement of a catheter into a particular part of the body may allow:
draining urine from the urinary bladder as in urinary catheterization, e.g., the Foley catheter or even when the urethra is damaged as in suprapubic catheterisation.
drainage of urine from the kidney pelvis by percutaneous nephrostomy[1]
drainage of fluid collections, e.g. an abdominal abscess
administration of intravenous fluids, medication or parenteral nutrition
angioplasty, angiography, balloon septostomy, balloon sinuplasty. Often Seldinger technique is used.
direct measurement of blood pressure in an artery or vein
direct measurement of intracranial pressure
administration of anaesthetic medication into the epidural space, the subarachnoid space, or around a major nerve bundle such as the brachial plexus
subcutaneous administration of insulin or other medications, with the use of an infusion set and insulin pump
A central venous catheter is a conduit for giving drugs or fluids into a large-bore catheter positioned either in a vein near the heart or just inside the atrium. A Swan-Ganz catheter is a special type of catheter placed into the pulmonary artery for measuring pressures in the heart.
A Touhy borst adapter is a medical device used for attaching catheters to various other devices.
Also fuck... I will laugh so hard at "I will shave my head for you!" if Steel's hair doesn't actually fall.
Post by: DDay on June 07, 2008, 04:08:59 pm
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=68492019 <----- my cus Gayle
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 07, 2008, 04:17:01 pm
Post by: fatty on June 07, 2008, 05:19:51 pm
btw if anyone has any stress relief techniques, in particular with knotted up muscles, like the stuff krin was talking about, please do post. this is easily one of the worst parts of this whole ordeal because it makes it hard to even SIT AND POST sooooo.Do you remember pzizzz? Try that.
Post by: Krinsdeath on June 07, 2008, 05:47:01 pm
trust me.
also try doing those neck stretches pretty frequently, they're really nice.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 07, 2008, 09:28:08 pm
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 07, 2008, 11:53:36 pm
Post by: Eschatologist on June 08, 2008, 01:16:14 am
You will be fine, man. Don't be afraid. You can't be, you have to have faith in our lord and savior Jesus Christ in heaven, he will release you from your sufferings. Believe in your inner strength and the natural power of healing through meditation. Focus on the positive. You are still here and it's never too late to get better, I know it will get better!
Post by: Doktormartini on June 08, 2008, 01:20:54 am
I asked a pharmacist about the aloe vera thing. It is a real thing and is used for patients in chemo, but it's not the topical gel it's an oral liquid. He said that you can still find it that they used to sell it there, and I asked if it works, he said "I dunno." Also, the gel is useful applied to the skin if you get radiation therapy.Most pharmacists aren't trained in that kinda thing so a lot won't know...then again a lot will. Also, if you have an aloe plant in your house you could just juice it (provided you have a juicer).
You will be fine, man. Don't be afraid. You can't be, you have to have faith in our lord and savior Jesus Christ in heaven, he will release you from your sufferings. Believe in your inner strength and the natural power of healing through meditation. Focus on the positive. You are still here and it's never too late to get better, I know it will get better!
Post by: Summoner on June 08, 2008, 01:37:40 am
You will be fine, man. Don't be afraid. You can't be, you have to have faith in our lord and savior Jesus Christ in heaven, he will release you from your sufferings. Believe in your inner strength and the natural power of healing through meditation. Focus on the positive. You are still here and it's never too late to get better, I know it will get better!
Part of me really hopes this is a joke and part of me dosen't, because its pretty fucking funny either way.
Post by: Lord Kamina on June 08, 2008, 01:47:32 am
I always meant for oral consumption (and hence what I was talking about it tasting terrible), but it's pretty much 100% pure aloe extract. The topical gel usually has alcohol and a ton other stuff too.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 02:26:53 am
anyways stress knot aside, I tried to drop my steroid dose to see if it helped with swelling but it actually got worse and I had breathing trouble so I'll be a fatnecked dork till chemo starts!
Post by: Farren on June 08, 2008, 03:00:42 am
and not that piss that you usually just let out I'm talking about haven't drunken any water all day and all I did was eat onions sort of piss smell fuck that.
steel don't read this (Click to reveal)
I don't think the youtube thing is a good idea because what if he doesn't do well something goes wrong and its basically WATCH STEEL DIE ON YOUTUBE. I know its fucked up but I have a feeling that it needed to be said...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 03:08:55 am
that's kind of part of the reason I'd do this. my mom's memories of my dad are so strongly tied to these few videos we have of him after our house was robbed in Puerto Rico and we lost a bunch of the tapes. that really hurt her, and honestly I don't like to think this, no one does, but if this doesn't pan out okay, I want something for her and for my friends to remember me by that isn't just a bunch of posts on GW and LJ.
christ there was no easy way to say that huh!
the reason I'd go from LJ to youtube is that, also because there are some physical things that I'm sure people want to see (my neck swelling is AMAZING) and it saves time instead of typing stuff out and taking pictures and all that and also because I need to work on my ability to orate as opposed to debate so something like this would be good practice.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 03:10:48 am
and I'm completely against youtube celeb or whatever but I'm sure some of you probably want to tell or show other people GUY DYING OF NUT CANCER IN HIS CHEST and that's easier to do with something like this.
Post by: Farren on June 08, 2008, 03:14:33 am
also, what part of puerto rico did you live in?? I sailed back an forth between there and Jacksonville around a year ago.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 03:17:23 am
Post by: Farren on June 08, 2008, 03:26:53 am
I also know alot of PRs from that area and they're all like REALLY proud of that tiny island even though it doesn't seem worth it to me. Like, some of us used to talk about several things like PR not being a state after the US basically begging them in, its fucked up they don't pay federal taxes, and their dock security is the shittiest and whatnot.
They would get defensive as hell and it was hilarious.
Actually I think there was a guy on my ship that lived in Mayaguez and would drive there every so often.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 03:34:10 am
so yeah GO INTO THE FUCKING RAINFOREST HEH
Post by: Farren on June 08, 2008, 03:41:35 am
Ironically, thats was my ship's name.
And if I ever end up back there I'll take you up on it.
Edit: Also, I got to try some of those native bananas fried (I'm guessing thats the kind of tree you had) and those things were fucking great.
Post by: missingno on June 08, 2008, 03:44:47 am
I just spend the past hour and a half reading through all sixteen pages of this topic. In a way it felt a lot like reading a really good book. I don't know if that's insulting or anything (isn't meant to be), but it's been an interesting experience. This is a damn good topic.
I don't know if you have any opinion of me at all really or if this means anything to you, but you have totally shaped who I am on the internet and as a person offline too. Not directly, no -- we've never really talked or anything, but the way your mannerisms and style have really shaped GW as a whole, it's shaped friends of mine and it's trickled down to me, and even now it's going from me to other people in other communities too. Your personality and unique style, especially your attitude and way of just telling it like it is and that kind of shit, has had a serious influence on a lot of people and you might not even be aware of this.
I don't agree with everything you say, but whenever I read one of your big arguments I always find myself somehow entirely on your side after a few posts here and there, even if originally I disagreed with you entirely. Example: the nurse debate earlier in this thread.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't have much experience with cancer or losing family members or anything really. I haven't seen much loss or anything in my life, so it's hard to relate with a lot of what's going on here. But things seem like they're going pretty smoothly for you (other than the needle thing) and the more I read of this topic the more I'm confident that you'll get through this just fine.
The head-shaving stuff reminds me of twin brothers that I went to high school with. I didn't know them well, but I knew who they were. There was a rumor going around that one of them had gotten cancer and had to undergo chemotherapy. He was out of school for a while and I guess his brother confirmed the rumors. Then one day he came back, and the two of them were bald. His twin brother had shaved his head to show his support for him. I'd never spoken to these kids and didn't have any classes or anything with them, but I saw them in the halls a few times and it just seemed really... I don't know, but it was nice. And I'm not a sentimental person by any means.
If GW does have a "shave your head" topic I'll go along with it. I've actually wanted to shave my head for a while and it'd be a nice excuse.
I guess that's plenty for now. I haven't made a post with nice grammar and everything in a long time. Good luck with it all, but I doubt that you'll need it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 11:35:42 am
this is awful. why can't dying be a nicer process!
Post by: helter skelter on June 08, 2008, 11:37:45 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 11:48:17 am
it could be worse but man this knee pain is getting a little nuts, what do I do? I don't think my cancer doc is in on weekends but this isn't worrying enough for the emergency room.
I will call one of my mom's friend's I think. I hope the two aren't related (YOU VEINS WILL ALL SMASHR).
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 08, 2008, 12:06:23 pm
Post by: Pasty on June 08, 2008, 01:27:59 pm
oh thank god because I gotta tell you that shit puts a lump in my throat.
no one do anything like this you'll make me get all weepy and e-motional...
my hair is already short but I dedicate it to you bud :fogetbackflip:
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 01:31:03 pm
fuck this is a miserable state of affairs!
edit: yeah doc's out of town. I'm getting another knee compression thing for the other leg which really is doing some wonders.
man this is weird, why does it hurt more when I'm STILL?
edit: knee thing works really well, but that was pretty bad stress there for a while. the throat's still swollen. I might do one of those youtube things tonight.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on June 08, 2008, 05:30:01 pm
I know i posted earlier and that you're getting loads of support anyway, but just to say that i'm reading every update you post and very much rooting for you still.
Post by: TrickLobster on June 08, 2008, 08:39:42 pm
we lived in Mayaguez, pretty close to San Juan. I enjoyed it a lot when I was there but it could have gone to shit, I haven't lived there in years!
I also lived in Mayaguez for a few years so that shit is crazy. Where did you live exactly because my dad taught at RUM and I know the general area pretty well including the Arecibo/San Juan area.
Also, my uncle who lived in Arecibo died a few years back because he had a cancerous tumor in the back of his ear. It sucked, he was in chemo all the time and was always looking pale and weak. I know it's not the best thing to say but his death never really hit me till now. He's gone forever and there are others getting affected by this and living with it. I really hope everything goes well for you. This is pretty shocking because I would've never pictured any e-people getting cancer or anything like that; it's weird. I wish you the best of luck and I you'll probably pull through. Good luck dude.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 08, 2008, 10:09:57 pm
my dad also taught at RUM, thermodynamics I think.
also what kind of cancer did he have? its uh...I just never heard of EAR CANCER.
edit update: because of my knee, neck, and back stuff, we're going to see the doc tomorrow morning.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 01:39:56 pm
fuck I don't want to do this. my INDOMITABLE SPIRIT gets broken down by IVs (the port was scheduled for Thursday) and I don't know.
I can't even post about this he;lp.
Post by: helter skelter on June 09, 2008, 02:31:32 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 03:12:32 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 03:12:46 pm
Post by: maladroithim on June 09, 2008, 04:09:13 pm
who am I kidding it's almost certainly cancer related.
Dude you're probably just having physical symptoms because you're under so much stress. Cancer grows fast I guess but I don't think it's like that.
Post by: TrickLobster on June 09, 2008, 04:37:00 pm
we talked about you living in puerto rico before dude, we went to SESO POSSIBLY AT THE SAME TIME, how did you forget this.
my dad also taught at RUM, thermodynamics I think.
also what kind of cancer did he have? its uh...I just never heard of EAR CANCER.
edit update: because of my knee, neck, and back stuff, we're going to see the doc tomorrow morning.
yea i remember us talking about it before i just dont remember the going to seso together for some reason. if so, that shit is fucked up. like crazy. now im gonna start searching for seso yearbooks. also i am not entirely sure what kind of cancer he had, i would have to double check with my mom.
i hope you start feeling better, dude. step up the anti-anxiety pills for a day or two to kind of mellow out if you feel like it.
Post by: Farren on June 09, 2008, 05:06:26 pm
Quote
fuck I don't want to do this. my INDOMITABLE SPIRIT gets broken down by IVs (the port was scheduled for Thursday) and I don't know.
boy, you better MAN THE FUCK UP! how you gonna let a little piece of metal scare you like that?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 05:20:39 pm
Dude you're probably just having physical symptoms because you're under so much stress. Cancer grows fast I guess but I don't think it's like that.
throat swelling was one of the original reasons I went in to see a doctor though.
I feel okay and would in fact prefer to nap a little more but who knows how biased I am!
Post by: Lars on June 09, 2008, 06:02:04 pm
Post by: tomohawkjoe on June 09, 2008, 06:05:16 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 07:40:10 pm
had it not been cancer the topic would have switched to I HAVE RAP CANCER immediately fyi.
anyways I think the swelling went down but my mom doesn't. we'll see how tonight pans out but ugh I do not want to start chemo tomorrow.
Post by: Vellfire on June 09, 2008, 07:53:50 pm
had it not been cancer the topic would have switched to I HAVE RAP CANCER immediately fyi.
i kept thinking this but never wanted to say it because it did turn out to be cancer
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 09:31:07 pm
this is the worst :(
Post by: Erave on June 09, 2008, 09:35:52 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 09:54:17 pm
I'm almost certainly going to the hospital tomorrow to start chemo. this means I'm going to be stressed and unforutunately I don't know the level of internet service at the hospital. I want to have some things to read or watch, and if you can find legal stuff (or heh...otherwise) that is relatively small but would be fun for tomorrow, please link them here ASAP. just ENOVELS or even an anime or tv show you know is small sized. I'm clearing out some room on my computer atm for this.
god I don't like this but the throat swelling isn't really going down I think and you know, better be safe than sorry.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 09:56:54 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 09, 2008, 09:59:29 pm
Post by: Cheshire Cat on June 09, 2008, 10:07:58 pm
I fuckn love paper airplanes.
Dont forget to post your best designs.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 10:09:30 pm
so less crate vidcons/writing. once the port gets in I'll have both arms!
Post by: Jeff on June 09, 2008, 10:16:39 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 10:21:39 pm
drawing maaaaan I never been about that. painting sure but expensive!
Post by: Apathy on June 09, 2008, 10:36:56 pm
http://www.gamersquarter.com/issues/TGQIssue8.zip
and d-pad (fairly solid)
http://www.dpad-magazine.com/goto-issue7zip.html
Do you know about retro mags? Sometime its good if your bored. Big ol collection of old gaming magazines.
http://www.retromags.com/forums/index.php?act=uportal
Post by: Niitaka on June 09, 2008, 10:50:05 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on June 09, 2008, 10:58:15 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 09, 2008, 10:59:15 pm
Post by: Randy Moist on June 09, 2008, 11:20:12 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 09, 2008, 11:49:41 pm
Can we not tempt you to write an article or two?
one handed for most of the day remember. typing would be slow.
man I just realized to not mess up the schedule I'm going to be in the hospital all week fucking.
fuck!
Post by: Farren on June 09, 2008, 11:51:43 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 10, 2008, 12:01:45 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 12:05:38 am
IN THE HOSPITAL, I don't even get to go home.
ugh I'm going to lie down. cancer treatment blows!
Post by: Sarevok on June 10, 2008, 12:14:06 am
Post by: Mince Wobley on June 10, 2008, 12:17:19 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 12:31:49 am
the IV kind of stresses me out and I like to not move that arm much!
emailing doc now to find out if I'm in all day at the hospital. if I will be, I'll see you all on...Saturday I think. if not, we'll talk later.
not that I'm going to sleep or anything, just wanted to get that out there in case I disappear mysteriously.
keep suggesting stuff I'll be checking the thread if anyone got good things.
on the plus side you get free meals until the weekend
have you ever had hospital food.
it is terrible.
Post by: Mince Wobley on June 10, 2008, 12:37:22 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 12:42:38 am
Post by: headphonics on June 10, 2008, 12:43:50 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 10, 2008, 12:44:11 am
Also, see if there are any podcasts you might like, and get a bunch of episodes for you to listen to. I plan on listening to a lot of Keith and The Girl when I get eye surgery because it's something I can do while laying around and doesn't even require VISION. Just make sure it's something you like ahead of time.
edit: Also audiobooks are a good option for when you feel like laying back a bit to rest.
Post by: Jeff on June 10, 2008, 12:47:58 am
edit: Also audiobooks are a good option for when you feel like laying back a bit to rest.Most libraries offer downloads of these via an online checkout system so you don't even have to go to there.
Post by: Jeff on June 10, 2008, 12:48:53 am
Post by: Niitaka on June 10, 2008, 12:52:20 am
edit: also how much music do you already have on your computer that you have not listened to yet?
Most libraries offer downloads of these via an online checkout system so you don't even have to go to there.
what! really. i did not know this.
Post by: Bled on June 10, 2008, 01:02:12 am
I was watching the National Geographic channel today, and there was this show called Beyond Tomorrow that did a segment on new cancer treatments being developed in China. It was specifically developed to battle liver cancer, but if I remember correctly then it could be used for other types of cancer as a safe alternative to chemo without the nasty side effects. They already have used it on humans and have prolonged the lifespan of terminal patients by double their original expectancy.
I went to the website and couldn't find any info about the show I saw today. Here are some other links that might prove useful, though.
STARVE YOUR TUMOR TODAY! (http://deptmed.med.som.jhmi.edu/Internist/nov99/tumors.html)
Cancer Therapy W/O Side Effects (http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/news/2008/04/kanzius_therapy)
I guess you'll just have to ask your doctor about it and see if its an option, man.
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 10, 2008, 01:03:38 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 01:36:37 am
also yeah this topic could stand to be moved although how absolutely tragic it would be if after the summer COUGH COUGH DIDN'T WORK ON MORE AGGRESSIVE CHEMO PROBABLY GONNA DIE and jeff...
can you move it back then...
Post by: Jeff on June 10, 2008, 02:01:13 am
can you move it back then...I will have you know that if I have to do that I will do it...but I will cry while doing it. You better pull through.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 02:31:19 am
hopefully they'll have a wireless connection just for business men like myself heheh but seriously if any of you have anything I can get ASAP before I head off tomorrow that I could keep on my laptop for reading or doing, please post now! I'll have an hour or so before I head out tomorrow.
FUCK I didn't want to do this today and now that I am I have to do it at the hospital for five days. this is awful, I hate hospitals.
argh and I just got GTA IV which was helping keep my mind off shit.
this is awful.
Post by: Terin on June 10, 2008, 02:37:44 am
Aside from that, there are also other free MMO's -- but it might be something. Dead people in China/Korea can attest to it!
--Terin
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 02:40:10 am
anticipate a post at 12 noon tomorrow GUYS THERES AN IV IN ME MAKIN ME BARF GIMME SOME STREAMS OF SHOWS TO WATCH hopefully.
there's no way hospitals are so invigorating I'll find enough shit to do for five days!
Post by: Summoner on June 10, 2008, 02:44:31 am
Post by: headphonics on June 10, 2008, 02:48:22 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 02:49:33 am
I'm seriously going to be bored and miserable what a sucky week. this cancer better die or I'm going to be so pissed.
Post by: Terin on June 10, 2008, 02:54:30 am
And there's also always the classic book-reading. Pick up a good long-winded series... Ender's Game/Shadow series, or Harry Potter, or whatever. There are plenty of them out there... I dunno, just a few ideas.
--Terin
Post by: headphonics on June 10, 2008, 03:07:16 am
Post by: Ryan on June 10, 2008, 03:09:27 am
Post by: tomohawkjoe on June 10, 2008, 03:11:50 am
ahahah an avatar wtf.I got it before I found out you had cancer man, if you want me to change it I will.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 10, 2008, 03:14:30 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 10, 2008, 03:46:37 am
get a ds and play all of the pokemon games in order of their release.
You're going to need a gameboy too then.
And that's not counting console ones that weren't really anything to bother with anyway.
Post by: Ryan on June 10, 2008, 03:47:36 am
Post by: Grunthor on June 10, 2008, 03:50:28 am
the ds can play gameboy games can't it???
Gameboy Advance only. It can't play the older ones.
Post by: Niitaka on June 10, 2008, 04:01:41 am
might i also suggest one of the many fine dragonlance sagas available in your local library
halfway through his treatment steel litters his room's floor with torn pages.
Post by: baseball19225 on June 10, 2008, 04:02:14 am
Gameboy Advance only. It can't play the older ones.that's bullshit!!! why'd they do that.
Post by: baseball19225 on June 10, 2008, 04:03:08 am
Post by: Terin on June 10, 2008, 04:03:16 am
might i also suggest one of the many fine dragonlance sagas available in your local library
I totally second this notion. Dragonlance is awesome -- probably the best Dungeons and Dragons based novel series. Start with Dragons of Autumn Twilight and work your way forward to Spring in order of seasons. Don't read of Summer Flame -- there are half a TON of books in that timeframe -- and Summer Flame pretty much ends one era and begins another with a new cast. In summary -- Chronicles Trilogy, Legends Trilogy, Heroes I and II series, and so forth -- basically nothing from the Second Generation or Lost Chronicles -- or anything with "Dragons" in it for the most part, aside form those in the Chronicles. Yeah... good series.
--Terin
Post by: Mince Wobley on June 10, 2008, 04:07:48 am
Post by: baseball19225 on June 10, 2008, 04:10:39 am
I totally second this notion. Dragonlance is awesome -- probably the best Dungeons and Dragons based novel series. Start with Dragons of Autumn Twilight and work your way forward to Spring in order of seasons. Don't read of Summer Flame -- there are half a TON of books in that timeframe -- and Summer Flame pretty much ends one era and begins another with a new cast. In summary -- Chronicles Trilogy, Legends Trilogy, Heroes I and II series, and so forth -- basically nothing from the Second Generation or Lost Chronicles -- or anything with "Dragons" in it for the most part, aside form those in the Chronicles. Yeah... good series.wah wah waaaaah
--Terin
anyway Steel I hope the hostpital is not too bad and that you're able to make the best of it (and that you recover of course). this has had more all worried and sad and I wish you luck.
if I was religious I'd pray but...... im athiest,deal with it :fogetcool:
Post by: ase on June 10, 2008, 04:32:51 am
edit: this is a bad post. no one post like this!
hmmmm i wonder.... if you are caught watching porn while undergoing chemo, will they YELL AT YOU
Post by: headphonics on June 10, 2008, 04:39:14 am
I totally second this notion. Dragonlance is awesome -- probably the best Dungeons and Dragons based novel series. Start with Dragons of Autumn Twilight and work your way forward to Spring in order of seasons. Don't read of Summer Flame -- there are half a TON of books in that timeframe -- and Summer Flame pretty much ends one era and begins another with a new cast. In summary -- Chronicles Trilogy, Legends Trilogy, Heroes I and II series, and so forth -- basically nothing from the Second Generation or Lost Chronicles -- or anything with "Dragons" in it for the most part, aside form those in the Chronicles. Yeah... good series.Ahh, yes, an excellent assessment. It is indeed unfortunate that he'll have to leave Summer Flame until the last; it's some of the best prose I've read in years. Perhaps just a sneak at chapter thirteen and what adventures our misbegotten Tanis Half-Elven finds himself in to hold him over... ;)
--Terin
Post by: esiann on June 10, 2008, 05:16:19 am
there's the obvious movie suggestion but watching movies for a week straight is pretty boring. there are a bunch of old lucasarts games up on the zoo which should only be one-handed. depending on the arm you could write i guess if you've been meaning to start any raps.
read harry potter.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 10, 2008, 06:26:28 am
hell I'll even mail you the ones I have so you don't have to buy them :(
if you haven't played Day of the Tentacle I can zoo it for you
Post by: Twin Matrix on June 10, 2008, 06:29:04 am
read eragon or something by HP Lovecraft
Post by: Farren on June 10, 2008, 06:34:23 am
Post by: headphonics on June 10, 2008, 06:57:33 am
sex with an ogre is so clichéis this
read eragon or something by HP Lovecraft
is this a serious post
how is this cliche??? and also don't read eragon because eragon is trash and will probably make your cancer worse (lol............)
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 10, 2008, 07:03:13 am
is this
is this a serious post
how is this cliche??? and also don't read eragon because eragon is trash and will probably make your cancer worse (lol............)
how do you not get that everything twin matrix posts is just stupid shit that you should just ignore
Post by: fatty on June 10, 2008, 07:10:07 am
sex with an ogre is so clichéw-what
read eragon or something by HP Lovecraft
STEEL, try making another one of those pizzas where you put random shit into, maybe you'll find it refreshing(stay away from the ass jelly)
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 10, 2008, 07:12:07 am
Post by: jamie on June 10, 2008, 07:23:52 am
Post by: Sludgelord on June 10, 2008, 07:24:21 am
Martin Gamer King Jr. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozG4yiCM39I)
Werewolf Real (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmQMIDE1y5c)
suiton de Naruto (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgYwe5P99xk)
Re:Oops I farted again (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paRgG2CTnRk)
AN UPDATE OF MY EARTHQUAKE SONG!!! (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lylC3wD2gmc) (ps this is my favorite because after watching a few of his videos, i found out that this song is actually not a metaphor and he is deathly afraid of earthquakes)
liked those? well there's more where that came from.....
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 10, 2008, 07:36:23 am
Post by: headphonics on June 10, 2008, 07:42:42 am
how do you not get that everything twin matrix posts is just stupid shit that you should just ignorei barely even know who twin matrix is so that's probably the reason but well i guess now that i know TREG DISAPPROVES i know what i have to do...............
and also CLICHE OGRE SEX seemed like it'd be a given that it's sarcasm but i've heard just enough about her that i have my doubts!
but yeah WHAT JAMMIE said watch the wire that's like a whole week right there
Post by: baseball19225 on June 10, 2008, 08:54:40 am
Post by: dicko on June 10, 2008, 09:49:45 am
Post by: Vale on June 10, 2008, 10:02:55 am
Quote
Get a BB gun and shoot random passers by.
Or watch Big Brother
EDIT: If you want a more aggravated painful death that is
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 10, 2008, 10:30:08 am
http://isonlyanime.blogspot.com/2008/05/pokemon-all-series.html
there's plenty of mmorpgs that you can grind in with only one hand (it makes them more marketable to internet users)
you could... photoshop images
i imagine the chemo is probably gonna take a lot out of you so you probably want to look at things you do just to fidget really. like bring some blu tack or play doh or silly putty or wire or something you can pick up when you're a bit bored and can drop quickly when you want to sleep
i don't know if you've thought of this but the chemo will probably help you lose some of that weight........
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 12:59:48 pm
anyways I just checked my throat and yeah it swole up about another half inch so its off to the hospital! see you hopefully in a few hours and if not, on Saturday (which should be my dismissal).
IVs noooooooo.
Post by: ase on June 10, 2008, 01:43:45 pm
everytime you start getting scared of an IV, think of all the great men who stick needles in their arms daily for fun
Post by: GZ on June 10, 2008, 02:16:26 pm
if this doesn't cure your cancer i don't know what will
(estimated finish time: 2030)
Post by: Drule on June 10, 2008, 02:21:24 pm
t your story out there.
Post by: Belross on June 10, 2008, 02:26:42 pm
You've heard this a lot, but get well soon and hang in there. I know only a fraction of what you're dealing with... My mom has (had) breast cancer and had a double masectomy last winter.
Cancer sucks.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 02:38:07 pm
also yeah we got a bed already, so I'm heading out in hour. laptops probably allowed but dont know about wireless so yeah same sitch, wait a few hours and if I'm not there see you on Saturday.
Post by: Alexander Morou on June 10, 2008, 03:05:05 pm
The strength of your own desire to survive will be your most powerful weapon against cancer. Don't give up, no matter how bad it may seem.
Good luck, be strong, and Godspeed.
Post by: Niitaka on June 10, 2008, 03:51:26 pm
i am making 1,000,000 origami doves for you
if this doesn't cure your cancer i don't know what will
(estimated finish time: 2030)
holy shit. i actually did this when i was a kid for my grandfather shortly before he died, but it was 1,000.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 04:31:15 pm
anyways hooray! internet in the hospital! its also a big room, I have my own shower, and the menu looks bad but not completely intolerable. should be a fun stay for....five days :(
Post by: big ass skelly on June 10, 2008, 04:50:27 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 04:56:51 pm
also I took some Lorazepam a few hours ago which will help I'm sure during IV stuff.
it's obviously still stress (50%............) but right now I actually am viewing this kind of like a weird break. I wish my mom didn't have to skip so much work though.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 10, 2008, 04:58:12 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 05:01:23 pm
so anyone intot he morbid want to look up chemo stuff? I can give details but no one wants to talk to me about that second awful round of chemo and idk at 50% likeliness it's something I want to consider.
I MIGHT DIE you know!
Post by: ase on June 10, 2008, 05:02:28 pm
Quote
Positive Ways to Pass the Time in the Hospital
Staying Relaxed and Optimistic is Key to Recovery
By Glam Princess
Being hospitalized for any reason can be a difficult experience. It can be an especially difficult time for a patient staying long term, for a month or longer while they recover or fight a disease such as Cancer. Staring at stark and sterile hospital walls for that long with nothing but a bed, phone and TV with limited cable doesn't offer much room for distraction. Keeping busy, productive and optimistic is the one size fits all medicine important for every patients complete recovery. Here are some simple ideas and hobbies to help pass those long hours.
Pick Up an Instrument
It's well known that music is soothing to the soul. If you've always wanted to play the piano or guitar, now might be the perfect opportunity. Maybe you played an instrument as a child and stopped for all these years, there was never a better time than now to pick it back up. A travel sized acoustic guitar, or a portable keyboard with headphones will be just the right size for your hospital room. Now is the perfect time to learn the instrument, you'll have a lot of time to practice and play. You'll be accomplishing something the more you learn, and will reap the calming benefits of playing music.
Keep a Website Journal
Answering the dozens of phone calls a day checking in on your daily progress can be tiring, and you may not always feel in the mood to be chatting on the phone. An excellent solution to this is to start your own website journal where people can check in at their convenience to see how you're doing. This is especially helpful when your friends and family are scattered across the country and long distance phone calls can become expensive. There are many free services on the Internet that you can use to start your website. Upload daily journal entries, and pictures when you can. You will have something to work on and you'll be keeping everyone up to date and in the loop.
Join an On line College
Let's face it, almost everyone has thought about taking a college class at some point in their adult life. Now might be the perfect time of your life to take the leap. There are many Internet schools, and classes to choose from. Take that class in accounting, advertising, medical billing or anything else that you've always dreamed about. They often offer flexible payment options, making learning affordable for any financial situation. You'll have all the quiet study time you could ever ask for, and you'll leave the hospital stay cured and with a new skill.
Make and Sell Crafts
If you are crafty in some way, think about making some extra money with your talent. Knit handmade baby blankets and booties sets, embroider personalized handkerchiefs, make beautiful beaded bracelets or create your own craft according to your talents. You can spread the word about your items and service for sale to everyone you know. Think about setting up your own storefront on EBay and selling your items on the Internet. If you do go the mail order route, just make sure you have someone who can pack and ship your sales for you while you're in the hospital. You'll be keeping busy while earning a little extra spending money at the same time.
Study a Language
Have you always wished you had time to learn a little Italian? Pick up a computer program or book course from your local book store. You'll have a lot of time to study and really enjoy learning the foreign language you always secretly wished you had time for. If you have a friend or family member who speaks French, Spanish, German or another language then think about choosing that one to learn. It can be a lot of fun to have someone to practice speaking to, or to call up with pronunciation questions you're just not understanding from the course book.
Finish Photo Albums
Everyone has a pile of developed pictures collecting dust on their bedroom dresser. Now is the perfect time to organize your family photographs into photo albums. You might even go a step further and try a little scrap booking with those pictures. You'll finally be getting something done that's been on your "to-do" list for ages, and you'll get a good dose of fun memories to brighten your day and make you smile at the same time. You'll be able to take your time and really organize your photo albums just the way you'd like them.
Staying productive during your extended hospital stay will keep your mind sharp and your spirits optimistic. You'll be using your time wisely and will avoid feeling as though you're locked away from the rest of the world and plucked from life. Use this time to get things done that you never have the time for, and you may just end up thankful that you were given the opportunity. Take advantage of your quiet time and remember you are only temporarily in this situation. Stay positive and busy and you'll be back to your normal routine and lifestyle in no time.
Post by: Vellfire on June 10, 2008, 05:04:27 pm
Post by: ase on June 10, 2008, 05:06:06 pm
steel you should make and sell craftsthis was going to be my recommendation too
that, or master an instrument no one else knows about
Post by: Vellfire on June 10, 2008, 05:11:28 pm
edit: and get one of those kits to build it yourself to absorb more time
this wouldn't really fit into these five days but it could come in handy later down the road
Post by: Farren on June 10, 2008, 05:23:12 pm
Quote
Patients with lung cancer and a good physical condition who have not been cured by a first round of chemotherapy often receive a second round of chemotherapy (second-line). A second round of chemotherapy may not increase the survival chances of these patients and may make them feel worse because of bad side effects. This review has found only one study that compared the effects of a second round of chemotherapy with treatment showing no benefits for the patients, apart from keeping them comfortable. This study does not provide enough evidence to judge whether such treatment causes more benefits than harms and further larger studies are needed before firm conclusions can be drawn.
http://www.cochrane.org/reviews/en/ab002804.html
sounds like it might suck
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 05:27:36 pm
anyways getting poked TWICE today, once for bloodwork and the other for the IV. I plan on watching Kitchen Confidential while it goes on!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 05:44:58 pm
this is just a weird awful break but I'm doing okay. HOSPITALS AINT SO BAD HEH.
ugh this bloodwork sucked, but the tv helped. anyone got a show on Hulu or something I could watch to keep my mind off this stuff?
Post by: Vellfire on June 10, 2008, 05:59:00 pm
Post by: Summoner on June 10, 2008, 06:11:01 pm
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magical_Negro
di..did you know that mr. obama was a magical negro too????
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 06:25:58 pm
and yes, same ultrasound. it was done by a kind of attractive woman touching my nuts and for a few seconds I thought we'd end up with a McSweeney's story but being afraid of cancer and having cooled gel on your testicles tends to solve that.
Post by: TrickLobster on June 10, 2008, 06:34:29 pm
Post by: Farren on June 10, 2008, 06:38:55 pm
"So, DO YOU LIKE WHAT YOU DO!?!?!?!"
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 07:32:35 pm
i dont like typin with left but its just weird, cant figre out needle.
Post by: Wil on June 10, 2008, 07:55:47 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 08:01:00 pm
and FIVE days man. another IV tomorrow, surgery, and then port ivs till Sunday. this is what my life is like.
I've been taking pictures (I know I joked about the throat swelling but my aunt who is a doctor saw it and started to cry, it uh, REALLY SWOLE UP) and I'll post them on Saturday.
honestly though I'm in higher spirits than I thought I'd be! I wonder how much of this is drugs.
Post by: GZ on June 10, 2008, 08:47:24 pm
(http://www.gzstorm.com/dody26/colourhiratio.png)
i believe this will take a great amount of skill to do and will take at least 17 hours to finish
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 08:49:16 pm
Post by: dada on June 10, 2008, 09:12:55 pm
Post by: Chubby Skelly on June 10, 2008, 09:53:06 pm
FIGHTO
Post by: jamie on June 10, 2008, 09:57:03 pm
i hope this all goes well, bud.
Post by: Lyric on June 10, 2008, 09:58:33 pm
That all being said, I wish you the best of luck and hope that all turns out well. Like my student, i will put you on my prayer list.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 11:31:11 pm
anyway, first IV went off without a hitch, but the second feels gross. it's all COLD in my left hand and I had a fit of panic. feeling better. STILL haven't started the chemo itself though, meaning I won't be out of here tilll Saturday late I think! what a boring week I face. and there's no summer TV huh.
also hospital food is just AWFUL.
Post by: GZ on June 10, 2008, 11:35:49 pm
also do they serve jello as a dessert? everytime i have been in a hospital they always have jello as a dessert.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 10, 2008, 11:37:17 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 10, 2008, 11:39:37 pm
Least you have the internet though right? When does the chemo itself start?
soon enough. the bag says about thirty minutes of nutrients stuff left and then chemo and then possible barf everywhere. I'll get my mom to take a pic if that happens heh.
Post by: thecatamites on June 10, 2008, 11:42:51 pm
Post by: Chubby Skelly on June 10, 2008, 11:44:48 pm
Wait, they feed you terrible hospital food right before the treatment which has 'nausea and vomiting' as a side effect? Is there a reason for that or is that just really bad timing?As a matter of fact I think that right before the treatment they intentionally give you something strange or bad tasting, so that your brain doesn't associate the feeling of nausea with the food you ate prior, which can be a very powerful association.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 10, 2008, 11:47:12 pm
...I feel really, really bad for you man! Not "feel bad" as in "i got 99 problems..." bad, but seriously, genuinely, bad! I imagine you being sick, feeling down, in the hospital, IV, all of that, and it actually depresses me. The fact that you have cancer and actually might die crushes me, man! You don't deserve that shit.
I dunno what came over me to post this, I guess I want you to know that no matter how much of an asshole I can be and be a dick in general that says the wrong things at the wrong time, I really, really don't want you to die, man!
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 10, 2008, 11:48:39 pm
also hospital food is just AWFUL.What are you even expecting out of their food? Sure, it isn't like a top-class restaurant, but it is pretty eatable from my experiences. It might be different where you live, though!
Anyways, back on topic, this must be pretty intense for you now. I'm not sure what to suggest, play a lot of video games maybe? Play a lot of games that you haven't played before. Besides that, I suppose you could always read a lot of magazines, books, and other things. Yeah, my ideas are rather cliché. I've never said this, but I think you are a pretty cool guy, and I've always enjoyed what you have to say. You seem like you usually know what you are talking about, and we usually share the same beliefs on a lot of things. Even though you can be a little bit astringent, you are still a pretty cool guy. You are too good to have anything happen to you, good luck, and get through this well!
Post by: big ass skelly on June 10, 2008, 11:52:18 pm
Quote
also hospital food is just AWFUL.Goin straight in my stand up routine
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 12:10:39 am
What are you even expecting out of their food? Sure, it isn't like a top-class restaurant, but it is pretty eatable from my experiences. It might be different where you live, though!
EDIBLE yeah. this was really enough that I wouldn't give it to sick people! I would think it would make them worse.
I ATE WENDYS RATHER THAN THIS.
Wait, they feed you terrible hospital food right before the treatment which has 'nausea and vomiting' as a side effect? Is there a reason for that or is that just really bad timing?
bad timing/shit I'd suggest. regardless I'm gonna get food from home and outside for the remainder of this stay!
anyways, just took two anti-nausea pills and soon we're going to start on the chemo which will end at about 10/11 (its 8 now). will update if barf hits!
Post by: Sludgelord on June 11, 2008, 12:16:32 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 12:34:08 am
Post by: Farren on June 11, 2008, 12:39:19 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 12:39:52 am
Post by: baseball19225 on June 11, 2008, 12:41:54 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 12:47:27 am
Post by: ase on June 11, 2008, 12:52:37 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 12:54:25 am
thanks for that reminder........
Post by: jamie on June 11, 2008, 12:55:58 am
i hope your erection is the most disgusting ever
Post by: jamie on June 11, 2008, 12:56:20 am
Post by: jamie on June 11, 2008, 12:56:43 am
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on June 11, 2008, 12:56:46 am
Anyway yeah, that really sounds like it sucks what with the needle-phobia and all! Hopefully you'll get more used to it over time. How've you spent your time so far?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 01:00:12 am
mentally I have been thinking about 50%...THE COINFLIP a bit but I mean, nothing I can do about it.
MAN I wanna win that coin flip though.
anyways Hell's Kitchen is on, and mom wants to watch a bengali movie so peace doggs, chemo goin in my veins and I will barf in like four hours.
Post by: Farren on June 11, 2008, 01:06:22 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 01:15:11 am
guys can you believe I am typing at you WHILE CANCER IS BEING CURED POTENTIALLY. wouldn't that be wild if this coin flip works perfect?
this could be the most tragic/worthwhile gw posts...
Post by: ase on June 11, 2008, 01:22:15 am
Good luck with your chemotherapy.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 11, 2008, 01:26:40 am
Post by: Marcus on June 11, 2008, 01:35:58 am
Fuuuuuuuck i just got done watching that shitty new remake of andromeda strain and now i'm fearing an airborn cancer or something!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 03:12:21 am
in contribution I suggest everyone goes to Barnes and Nobles and buys or flips through this great book I picked up called Remainder, by Tom McCarthy. read it all today and it was way good.
Post by: Vellfire on June 11, 2008, 03:25:57 am
also film it
seriously what do you do when your patient has that face suddenly
Post by: elkalo on June 11, 2008, 03:53:00 am
we lived in Mayaguez, pretty close to San Juan. I enjoyed it a lot when I was there but it could have gone to shit, I haven't lived there in years!
Sorry I know this is kind of late but
Not to be a mood-killer here, but Myaguez is distant from San Juan. San Juan is located at around the northeastern coast of the island, while Mayaguez is at the westernmost part of the island. But still, I hope you get better man.
I really don't know what to say other than relax, take it easy, and the best thing you could honestly do is breath in and out and the usual praying. My brother is suffering from Skin cancer, and it got pretty hideous seeing him being so sad about it. He is a strong person, but when it comes to cancer, it is hard to fight back. So once again. Just take everything easy, lay low and go with the flow.
Post by: Farren on June 11, 2008, 04:11:44 am
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on June 11, 2008, 04:16:14 am
yeah but its a tiny ass island so saying that mayaguez is somewhat near san juan isn't totally inaccurate.When people say stuff like that, it's interpreted as a relative thing.
Post by: Farren on June 11, 2008, 04:19:02 am
Post by: Farren on June 11, 2008, 04:20:34 am
OR MAYBE ALL THE BANANA TREES CLOUDED YOUR SENSE OF RELATIVITY
Post by: HL on June 11, 2008, 05:11:33 am
youwill know true fear when Jar Jar is on screen for like 5 hours....heh
Post by: TrickLobster on June 11, 2008, 05:22:22 am
Sorry I know this is kind of late but
Not to be a mood-killer here, but Myaguez is distant from San Juan. San Juan is located at around the northeastern coast of the island, while Mayaguez is at the westernmost part of the island. But still, I hope you get better man.
well when i was little it seemed like a long time but in reality mayaguez is only like an hour and a half to two hours away from san juan, which really isnt that far away. Lots of people travel these distances daily for work and shit, especially if they live in jersey and work in new york. so yea, not too far away at all! also, distance wise, since puerto rico is so little (only like 54 miles wide or w/e) san juan is pretty close to mayaguez and it only takes so long to get there cuz of windy roads and shit. so yea, not too far away!
Post by: Cho on June 11, 2008, 06:01:23 am
watch every star wars movie.......in the correct order.........but at 99% slower speed.
youwill know true fear when Jar Jar is on screen for like 5 hours....heh
He could die and you want him to waste five of his precious remaining hours on watching JarJar? That's not cool man, not cool.
Post by: HL on June 11, 2008, 06:03:30 am
He could die and you want him to waste five of his precious remaining hours on watching JarJar? That's not cool man, not cool.
Bbut....Jar Jar is awesome. :(
All the little kids tell me this is true, and they would not lie!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 11:11:46 am
well when i was little it seemed like a long time but in reality mayaguez is only like an hour and a half to two hours away from san juan, which really isnt that far away. Lots of people travel these distances daily for work and shit, especially if they live in jersey and work in new york. so yea, not too far away at all! also, distance wise, since puerto rico is so little (only like 54 miles wide or w/e) san juan is pretty close to mayaguez and it only takes so long to get there cuz of windy roads and shit. so yea, not too far away!
yeah, its not that far, but he's also right, my dad worked in Mayaguez. it was years ago though so my memory is blurred.
anyways, no food or liquid for me; getting that port put in later today. not sure WHEN though; according to this drip, I've got five hours on normal fluid IVs and I'd assume they'd want to follow with normal chemo and THEN put the port in.
I also don't know if this was a result of a seriously comfortable bed but I was able to sleep faceup, even with the swelling and everything, almost non-moving, and only woke up because I am a light sleeper and could hear people outside. like, I was down!
so yeah, that's the plan more or less; possibly chemo before the port, then the port. nausea hasn't set in but I understand that happens AFTER chemo but then I had one already? I got a gross taste in my mouth maybe a toothbrush will help but if this is chemo and they get the port in, this effectively makes the worst part wondering which side of a coin I fall on!
NOT GOOD THOUGHTS but better than *barf cough* gw..........barf.
update; first chemo effects I think. I'm tired and feel cold.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 04:21:06 pm
gimme more shit to do!
Post by: Lars on June 11, 2008, 04:28:30 pm
any visual effects? creative effects? or just DRUGGED DOWN (aka dissociative)
does your jaw move involuntarily?? does your eyes sometimes shake or roll to the back of your head?? get loads of water in your mouth or warm head?? euphoric effects??
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 04:30:24 pm
not great drugs but definitely good for the purpose.
Post by: Lars on June 11, 2008, 04:31:27 pm
Post by: Ryan on June 11, 2008, 04:48:13 pm
send em my way.
Post by: local_dunce on June 11, 2008, 05:12:19 pm
This sounds really insensitive of me sayin this because I get that it is amazingly shit to be told you have a coinflip chance of survival, but I would stop looking at it in the sense of A COIN FLIP.
Also don't you dare actually flip a coin. That would be so depressing.
Post by: Ruthless X on June 11, 2008, 05:42:54 pm
Post by: Jayce on June 11, 2008, 05:55:16 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 11, 2008, 06:18:11 pm
man, they destroy everything in your body and give you a fart in an updraft chance of normalcy, I'm really not sure I'd LIKE to go beyond that 50%.
anyways the drugs were a little logey and you just kind of float alone and pass out. I can feel the port, but its not something you flex. also yes there are shirtless indian pics that look really bad (keep in mind my body, not being that fit to begin with, seriously has swollen and warped and been scarred in less than a month), I'll post them later.
Post by: HL on June 11, 2008, 06:26:24 pm
Post by: Sprollest on June 11, 2008, 09:08:23 pm
I guess I don't know you too well, I get pretty confused with the name changes that everyone does here lol, but I seriously hope you get through this. Reading through all this really does remind me that shit like this can happen to anyone at ANY time, so you just gotta be who you are and LIVE your life (sorry for the cliche).
At the end of the day, you've affected many people, and from the posts of others in this topic you sure mean alot to everyone, we're all rooting for you!
On things to do when bored, well youtube is your friend. One recent thing I watched was 'Summer Heights Heigh' a mockumentary about a school in Austraila and follows 2 studens and a teacher and their day to day lives. And its seriously some funny shit. Mainly I just watched the montages of this particular character 'Jonah' but its worth a check I reckon :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_O5U9irS3iA
Post by: Jayce on June 11, 2008, 09:21:47 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 12, 2008, 12:50:51 am
bascially mild nausea, and being really tired. I dont like that. also a sick taste in my mouth. idk this is going to be prettttty bad till saturday huh gang, and only get worse.
fuck, I'll get a pic tomorrow I guess.
Post by: Bondo on June 12, 2008, 07:22:59 am
I've known people who beat cancer, including my Mom. I have the utmost faith that you will pull through. You have my prayers.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 12, 2008, 01:01:26 pm
Post by: Wil on June 12, 2008, 01:17:06 pm
Post by: ase on June 12, 2008, 11:37:24 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on June 12, 2008, 11:42:16 pm
wink.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 12, 2008, 11:43:59 pm
its arough day.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 13, 2008, 05:13:39 am
i really hope everything works out for you steel.
Post by: losc on June 13, 2008, 08:33:07 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 13, 2008, 10:15:22 am
you know when you've woken up and you reallly REALLY dont want to. everything is kind of nauseous and you are really really tired. but then you're hooked up to lots of stuff so you gotta be careful and there are all these aches and sores and smells. it's just...ROUGH. like, this is the roughest time of my life. when it gets bad I dont even TYPE. not because it hurts but because you CANT MOVE THE FINGERS.
this is really rough guys. please if there are any cancer tests you can do, HPV vaccines for the women, take them. this is just UGH at best.
on the plus side, Saturday is my last day here on chemo and you'll have gross pics.
Post by: Mr. Actionist on June 13, 2008, 10:39:31 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 13, 2008, 12:15:29 pm
Post by: GZ on June 13, 2008, 12:17:13 pm
Post by: Frankie on June 13, 2008, 03:52:34 pm
I hope that will soon just be a nasty memory that is definitively put behind you. Good luck!
Post by: Christophomicus on June 13, 2008, 03:52:52 pm
Stay strong, bro.
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 14, 2008, 12:52:57 am
Cancer doesn't have a hope in hell. Kick some ass, Steel!
Post by: hima on June 14, 2008, 03:39:15 am
Post by: Bill Murray on June 14, 2008, 11:50:33 am
Post by: Raimiette on June 14, 2008, 02:27:52 pm
My boyfriend was diagnosed with Melanoma when he was in his teens, he ended up going for surgery and the doctors thought they removed all of the cancerous tissue he has no visible issues.
Fast-Forward several years later and he starts to get these chronic headaches, at the time he doesn't think too much of them and lives with them for a while until they become so unbearable he knows something must be up. He goes to the doctor and he learns the Melanoma has caused Brain Metastases (tumor). At this point (since he waited so long) it's a giant thing that covers quite a bit of his brain and it is in such an area that surgery is not an option. At the time they tell him that statistically speaking the median survival is 5 months WITH treatment.
So they start radiation treatment and he gets tired and feels crappy and the tumors don't seem to fading too much (for the first while he used to have the worst headaches, so bad he would pass out from the pain, seizures too and sometimes the pressure in his brain would build up so much his entire face (eyes, nose, ears EVERYTHING) would start bleeding uncontrollably). This goes on for a few months and everyone fears the worst and then he gets started on Chemo and things really seem to go downhill but then (eventually YAY!) things start to get better and the tumors start responding better to the treatment and eventually they go away entirely.
It's now been about 1 year since the tumors went away and so far it looks pretty good. He still has to go once every three months to the doctor to make sure everything's still the way it should be but the doctors tell him most re-occurrence happens within the first 6 months so we're pretty hopeful.
Don't listen to Statistics, they'll just make you depressed. All the stats were against Tim and he made it out okay. Try to think of the things you have going for you. Firstly, you're young and strong which is always a good thing. Second you've got a great support group (friends and family).
Did the doctors ever tell you what Stage the cancer is? Depending on the stage you may be better off than you think.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 14, 2008, 02:32:21 pm
I can't wait to go home :(
Post by: Ruthless X on June 14, 2008, 05:06:24 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 14, 2008, 05:15:57 pm
chemo doing okay now, I should be out by 7:00, 8:00 earliest.
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 15, 2008, 07:00:53 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 15, 2008, 01:57:28 pm
next week, monday I go in for a shot of white blood cells and then tuesday an hour of chemo
then next week another hour. then I think there's a break and it starts again.
I really can't write about my experience on chemo right now. it's just that bad. let me just say if you know anyone who has ever gone through this shit...there's not enough respect in the fucking world, okay. not enough. my god. go give them a hug or something.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 16, 2008, 12:57:04 pm
anyways today I go in for an injection of white blood cells basically to keep my count up so I don't have infections or whatever, and then tomorrow...
another round of chemo.
goddam.
personally I feel so much better than I did yesterday. I think I've said it over and over but the cure is honestly worse than the disease right now; I bloat up so big and have to keep drinking water so my kidneys keep filtering the poison. I barely sleep at night either, but that's not as bad as it sounds since I've been taking this anti-nausea thing that knocks me out during the day. today is much better though, probably because it's been 24 hours since the chemo.
I'd like to apologize btw to anyone I haven't really been talking to on IM. rest assured it is not because UGH THAT DOUCHEBAG and more because a sudden wave of nausea has forced me into bed.
WEIRD PHYSICAL EFFECTS OF CHEMOTHERAPY YOU CAN USE IN AN ESSAY:
-you get really really really fucking bloated and fat. I keep talking about shit that really takes the power out of you and jesus christ when I took my shirt off that first day I wanted to cry. I don't look great now but my god that day was just...it was like an African fertility doll. it was awful.
-water tastes sweet. how gay! it's water, it's supposed to be NOTHING.
-chocolate is good. like really shitty american chocolate. so are those shitty Red Baron single pizzas. yeah, I couldn't eat this awesome indian food but I scarfed down all this shitty American comfort food like nobody's business
-did I mention you get really fat??? not like a good looking fat either, just swollen.
-you get a lot of sleeping dust in your eyes. I mean, a lot. I don't know how that happens but I seriously have to like peel a fucking crust off.
anyways if the white blood cell thing has no effect on my mood (shouldn't) and I'm up to it, I might...vlog...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 12:17:12 pm
anyways I'll edit/bump afterwards if anything significant happens and like I said I'll try and get a video up sometime, I lost the cable.
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on June 17, 2008, 12:28:54 pm
When did you get your old Steel/Trystero/Borderline Acedemic account back? Was it when you changed your name to Magical Negro?
Post by: baseball19225 on June 17, 2008, 12:29:09 pm
ps woah you have over 10k posts now what the FUCK
Post by: dickface jones on June 17, 2008, 12:39:42 pm
Good luck with all this once again, Steel.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 12:48:04 pm
still haven't set out yet, stressin a little but it's not going to hurt, it's just the aftermath of being really really nauseous I'm fucked about.
I really wish there was a word for this type of nausea. it's like someone set a fire in your stomach and it's churning and you can FEEL it, and it causes this insane explosive scary gas that you think is shits and this all sounds funny except the fire burns so strongly you can't walk around! I couldn't make it downstairs for dinner and had to eat by the laptop (watching Kung Fu Panda).
and then the weird mouth shit. I get these strange pregnant lady urges for shitty chocolate or japanese food, but indian food causes my entire stomach to rechurn and water tastes awful.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 03:27:27 pm
in better news the doc even said he thinks my throatswelling went down and looks better and that while it's rare for a tumor to shrink so quickly, it's not unheard of, and since the possible cancer symptoms from before (bad breathing, cough, etc) have tapered off to nothing, we might reduce the steroid next week and see if this shit's already dying.
so hooray!
anyways, here's the schedule: today was a 15 minute blio chemo treatment. next tuesday I go in for the same thing. there's a week 4th of july break and then we start :( the five day course, which while not in the hospital is bascially 9 to 5 sitting there being chemod, which is just not going to be fucking fun at all. blood work will be done regularly as will tests to see how the treatment's going.
atm I feel okay, just a little bloated and high from Atavan. I still got the weird taste stuff going on but honestly, I be doing all right atm!
Post by: GZ on June 17, 2008, 03:34:06 pm
even though this is just preliminary opinions and things like this it all sounds very good
Post by: Frankie on June 17, 2008, 03:49:11 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on June 17, 2008, 04:03:59 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 04:05:09 pm
anyways that atavan took some effect and I'm getting loopy time to lie down.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 05:00:56 pm
back to scared again!
Post by: Lars on June 17, 2008, 05:06:36 pm
if u do happen to be cured, is there a chance it'd come back or are you like BACK TO GENERAL POPULATION where everything between soft-ice and rubber will cause cancer??
also i went to the hospital today for a shot too so we're kinda baselined (not really) so tug in there yo
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 05:10:14 pm
if this DOESN'T work though, as I've said before, there's a very intense, very frightening, awful round of chemo and surgery where basically you guys can start honestly start praying for survival as opposed to curing :(
Post by: Sludgelord on June 17, 2008, 06:04:06 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 06:43:45 pm
Post by: dada on June 17, 2008, 10:31:34 pm
And I'm 100% serious about this, too, I've been meaning to go to America and I need someone to show me around so you'd better pull through this ordeal!
P.S. I have more posts than you.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 17, 2008, 11:04:10 pm
I'm trying to live a normal life but goddddam the bloating. seriously. there are not words for how miserable this is. seriously, fuck fat people that are like FAT ACCEPTANCE, you are gross, lose weight, this shit is horrible.
Post by: Vellfire on June 17, 2008, 11:13:03 pm
when you planning on coming man. chemo means if you're sick I can't see you but hey all i got now is just horrible nausea and bloating and really that looks to be the gist of how bad it gets (granted, this will get worse!)
I'm trying to live a normal life but goddddam the bloating. seriously. there are not words for how miserable this is. seriously, fuck fat people that are like FAT ACCEPTANCE, you are gross, lose weight, this shit is horrible.
fat acceptance is bullshit anyway, that is like DIABETES ACCEPTANCE or LIVER FAILURE ACCEPTANCE, it is a fucking HEALTH PROBLEM, you don't encourage that shit
Post by: Lars on June 17, 2008, 11:15:22 pm
Post by: ase on June 17, 2008, 11:18:05 pm
you need to think before you post
Post by: headphonics on June 17, 2008, 11:22:24 pm
Post by: ase on June 17, 2008, 11:24:58 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 18, 2008, 12:03:42 am
seriously some dude on SA snuck into a fat acceptance seminar and they were selling long wands to wipe your ass with and were PROUD OF IT.
have some fucking shame, I feel gross as fuck bloated like this you should make an effort if you can.
in other news: my friend Steve recently lost 50 pounds props to him!
Post by: baseball19225 on June 18, 2008, 12:08:24 am
deaht to fatties
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 18, 2008, 12:09:28 am
if there are any fat gwers reveal yourself, you're gross.
oh also regarding any videos or pics: I can't find the camera cable and when I work up the muster, here comes nausea. I'll try and get something, even just a picture, up soon.
Post by: Lars on June 18, 2008, 12:14:14 am
whenever i look at fat people i cant help but think of dogs that are fed too much food (or in some other way have access to unlimited food) and are completely incapable of controlling their habits but rather grow to be fucking obese
its not a comparison i like to do because a lot of fat people have bad metabolism etc and i dont doubt for a second that 90% want to get thinner (especially in norway where everyone is thin and fit and aryan and tall where being fat is a taboo) but i really cant help of thinking about it :(
so yeah, to me fat people are like obese dogs.
its not like i see a lot of fat people tho, maybe twice/three/four times a year so maybe im just not used to them
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 18, 2008, 02:08:26 am
basically I had a five week chemo session in the hospital last week from Tuesday to Sunday because they wanted to be aggressive. this session was very uncomfortable and sucked etc. today I had another chemo session, but it only lasted thirty minutes, and while has sideeffects (notably bloating) was significantly better. next Tuesday I have another thirty minute session just like this one, followed by a week break, followed by (groan) a week of chemo where I go into an outpatient clinic and from basically 9 to 5 they strap me to a chair and liquid me. basically gonna be awful.
things you can tell me:
-anything you can think of non-medicinal that would alleviate bloating. my stomach is fucking huge with water retention and anything that will help me not feel so fucking fat helps
-anything non-medicinal again for nausea. juices, dok martini stuff, whatever. stuff that can't hurt basically.
-any advice as far as other chemo effects. bort suggested i move around even if i dont feel like it so the bloating might subside
-movies, games, shit I can do during those week breaks. books come and go in interest because of the nausea
-anything to alleviate gas, once again non-medicinal. its a sideeffect of the nausea I think but it sucks.
okay I'm going to sleep (ANYTHING TO HELP SLEEP is good too), but tomorrow should be a better day, huh! no chemo for a week.
feel free to keep asking questions btw, I just wanted to cut off a few at the pass.
Post by: ase on June 18, 2008, 02:25:59 am
i mean, you're at a clinic for five days and there's no reason to want to be awake to experience the pleasure of chemo liquids churning through you, and you cant get nauseous while SNORING right?
Post by: Fire Mage on June 18, 2008, 02:41:10 am
ok since we're bashing fat people here's what i said:yeah i'm actually one of the fat people and i'm young :(
whenever i look at fat people i cant help but think of dogs that are fed too much food (or in some other way have access to unlimited food) and are completely incapable of controlling their habits but rather grow to be fucking obese
its not a comparison i like to do because a lot of fat people have bad metabolism etc and i dont doubt for a second that 90% want to get thinner (especially in norway where everyone is thin and fit and aryan and tall where being fat is a taboo) but i really cant help of thinking about it :(
so yeah, to me fat people are like obese dogs.
its not like i see a lot of fat people tho, maybe twice/three/four times a year so maybe im just not used to them
but it's my fucking metabolism. idk i do need to do like doubletime of stuff i guess. i'll eventually lose it :/
and also, steel what kind of stuff do you actually like to watch/read?
Post by: Hundley on June 18, 2008, 03:24:30 am
-anything you can think of non-medicinal that would alleviate bloating. my stomach is fucking huge and i am so fuckin fat loleat a salad and have a run around th eblock you fat fuck
Post by: dada on June 18, 2008, 06:01:52 am
when you planning on coming man. chemo means if you're sick I can't see you but hey all i got now is just horrible nausea and bloating and really that looks to be the gist of how bad it gets (granted, this will get worse!)Well, not when you have chemo, I'm afraid, since you would probably instantly die if I came within a mile of you.
Post by: Bled on June 18, 2008, 06:35:24 am
Post by: crone_lover720 on June 18, 2008, 06:47:33 am
-anything non-medicinal again for nausea. juices, dok martini stuff, whatever. stuff that can't hurt basically.strained/filtered honey. it's also called RAW HONEY but dok made me hate that word. I've got "Aunt Sue's Raw-Wild Natural Honey", it's just like normal honey but it tastes a lot better (v good), and it's darker and a little cloudy. Unlike normal honey, strained honey has some pollen and microscopic bits of wax throughout, essentially making it more potent. 1 tbsp is supposed to help nausea. you could also drink the honey in chamomile tea for greater effect. chamomile is supposed to be good for relaxation, relieving nausea, sleeping, and a bunch of other stuff. you should be able to get the honey in any grocery store next to the normal honey (it's a little more expensive) and you can buy chamomile tea pretty much anywhere.
the ALOE VERA GEL honestly doesn't sound like a terrible idea to me, but an alternative would be a drink containing aloe. I know Sobe makes one with aloe in it, watch for the other ingredients though cuz I don't think you'd want guarana or anything with much caffeine.
edit: I dunno how much any of this stuff will help though because of the nature of chemo but it's worth a try
Quote
-movies, games, shit I can do during those week breaks. books come and go in interest because of the nauseahttp://www.channel4.com/film/reviews/feature.jsp?V=3&SV=2&id=161521
i downloaded some videos listed here that I hadn't seen, they were o.k.
Quote
(ANYTHING TO HELP SLEEPI have a big list of sleep aids written down somewhere but it's late I'll get it tomorrow
Post by: Farren on June 18, 2008, 09:55:10 am
Post by: Farren on June 18, 2008, 09:56:19 am
Post by: Ruthless X on June 18, 2008, 11:54:13 am
(Has just seen new movie, was much better than last)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 18, 2008, 02:37:25 pm
anyways wow lots of good stuff here.
Quote
personally, I would just ask them to give me shit to make me drowsy so that I'm constantly sleeping and don't have to deal with side effects as much
i mean, you're at a clinic for five days and there's no reason to want to be awake to experience the pleasure of chemo liquids churning through you, and you cant get nauseous while SNORING right?
you unfortunately have to be awake because if you are an old g-pa or you got bad lungs or something it's kind of risky to just filter poison into someone's blood and not see if they are reacting. I tried to doze through most of the thirty minute buttttt it's like 8 hours for the five day one so.
also I feel great today. I had a bit of morning burn but it's passed now. hopefully this week will go by without event.
one distressing thing is it's been so dry here I've had a lot of nosebleeds. like, one a day. let's hope that's all that is...................
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 18, 2008, 03:24:21 pm
one distressing thing is it's been so dry here I've had a lot of nosebleeds. like, one a day. let's hope that's all that is...................hot and dry? That'll just be high air pressure.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 18, 2008, 04:47:27 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on June 18, 2008, 04:57:03 pm
Post by: Ryan on June 18, 2008, 05:59:04 pm
If you're looking for things to put you to sleep, valerian root will do that.
did you get this from fight club
Post by: Doktormartini on June 18, 2008, 07:43:21 pm
did you get this from fight clubNo I have never seen the movie/read the book.
I got it from my herbology books and from a couple of people who have used it with success.
Post by: Niitaka on June 18, 2008, 07:49:40 pm
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on June 18, 2008, 08:02:12 pm
did you get this from fight club
world of wortcraft
Post by: dada on June 18, 2008, 08:27:56 pm
Post by: jamie on June 18, 2008, 08:30:23 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 18, 2008, 08:32:15 pm
in other news my premature I FEEL GOOD TODAY was in fact very premature and sure enough crippling nausea came back at lunch and I had to sit there for two hours before i could move again.
Post by: Ryan on June 18, 2008, 08:33:29 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 18, 2008, 08:36:14 pm
i guess i'll just have to grin and bear it huh. man chemo is a miserable time. i'm seriously thinking after this if everything turns out okay i'm going to turn in volunteer hours at some of these places because this is such a bad time and now i know what it's like.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 18, 2008, 09:08:11 pm
or just an mp3 of all the pokemon sounds and music. you can't be sad or nauseous when you're listening to pokemon music, you can only be happy (or excited when there's about to be a battle).
revisit old cartoons and stuff, x men the animated series, batman the animated series, pokemon, dragonballz.
these will cure your bloating and gas
Post by: GZ on June 19, 2008, 06:55:07 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 19, 2008, 06:42:42 pm
the taste in my mouth is just ridiculous though. ugh. chemo fucking sucks.
Post by: jamie on June 19, 2008, 06:46:27 pm
Post by: GaZZwa on June 19, 2008, 09:31:42 pm
Post by: Wil on June 19, 2008, 09:59:00 pm
Post by: last life on June 19, 2008, 11:05:51 pm
also I may of posted before, but I'm still with you
unfortunately I have chemo cures or anything but like my mom was into juicing vegetables and shit. I generally thing that eating healthier might make you feel a lot better in every way though.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 19, 2008, 11:08:02 pm
also Howard Zinn nigga I'm a poli sci major I know Zinn already please!
Post by: Wil on June 20, 2008, 03:45:29 am
Post by: Niitaka on June 20, 2008, 03:57:39 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 20, 2008, 11:30:11 am
three words: miracle spring water
yes
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 20, 2008, 12:33:11 pm
also last night was kind of bad, not for nausea, but I had constant gas and I slept 0%! that's awful and I'm sure gonna be in for a hard time later today :( basically that's today probably in a nutshell; nausea and exhaustion.
Post by: Brown on June 20, 2008, 03:13:08 pm
heres the wiki on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dronabinol
and heres the company that makes them:
http://www.marinol.com/
I urge you to at least skim through the main website for marinol. has insight on vomiting/ nausea etc.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 20, 2008, 04:41:15 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 21, 2008, 02:07:30 am
I have discovered that there is no god, but there are demons and they all dwell in your knees.
I have been seriously lying down incapicated the whole fucking day. jesus christ. it's a side effect from chemo but let me reiterate that if you know anyone who has been through this, give them a fucking hug okay. today was the first day of like EXTREME PHYSICAL PAIN and my god.
there are no fucking words.
also ASE I got your card and it made me cry because I'm a dork, thanks.
Post by: headphonics on June 21, 2008, 02:10:36 am
Post by: ase on June 21, 2008, 02:22:27 am
edit: just dont get addicted to vicodin or something
Post by: PTizzle on June 21, 2008, 03:32:19 am
:( i hope you are on pain killers! maybe you need to ask for something stronger?
Yeah this, they should definitely be able to help you out. Chemo is fucking shit and as far as I know they'll do anything within reason to help.
I really feel for you man, my friends mum was going through chemo for ages and it was pretty bad. Keep us posted.
Post by: Farren on June 21, 2008, 04:26:39 am
Like, the first time I swallowed two and they hit me later on and I kept like dropping shit because my hands would just loosen for no reason and then I snorted another one because I thought I was losing effect or something and after that I kept swaggering like a drunk sailor that just stepped off of a ship that went through a hurricane if anyone can understand what I'm getting at.
in other words steel take a shitload of vicodin
Post by: helter skelter on June 21, 2008, 04:55:33 am
Post by: Doktormartini on June 21, 2008, 02:28:41 pm
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8543329
Quote
Significant recovery was observed in the number of bone marrow cells and the spleen weight.
Post by: HL on June 21, 2008, 02:31:25 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 21, 2008, 03:57:51 pm
okay so uh.
FUCKING ORDEAL.
basically after I posted about my knees, they came back...with a vengeance. I mean, there are not fucking words for this. my mom was rubbing my legs constantly, and I was screaming in pain the whole time. it was seriously the worst night of my life. and what was weird was no meds were working. Advil and hydrocodone were doing fucking NOTHING. it was awful, and I ended up ODing on both (doctor's orders) and the doctor on call just kept saying TAKE MORE TAKE MORE and I seriously was in so much pain.
so I finally had to scream and convince my mom this was NOT chemo pain, there was no way in hell people regularly went through this. she didn't want to take me but finally I convinced her to take me to the hospital at like 5 am, where guess what- it wasn't chemo pain! apparently that white blood cell injection I had reacted poorly and was the reason my knees were in pain and the chemo drugs obviously weren't working.
so I basically had a bunch of painkillers in me (still do a little) and the guy fucked up my portocath THREE TIMES which was fun, but now I'm better, even though my legs still hurt a little. I've got some drugs for this on the way (basically the oral form of what they IVed me with) and the silver lining is that the pain I experienced is NOT chemo pain, so hopefully I won't have any more nights/days like that.
what a fucking ordeal though, seriously. christ, worst night and day of my life!
edit: in more bad news though my white cell count is apparently down and also I had weird sodium shit going on in my blood so I gotta go in to the doc's on Monday.
Post by: Sludgelord on June 21, 2008, 04:29:08 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 21, 2008, 04:30:53 pm
also man I am still pretty high from these drugs!
Post by: GZ on June 21, 2008, 04:34:42 pm
maybe this isn't the best time to ask, but how would you say overall your medical care has been? from your experience so far has it been good or bad? like with this leg thing, did you have a hard time convincing doctors you didn't think it was chemo pain, and other instances like this?
Post by: dada on June 21, 2008, 04:45:25 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 21, 2008, 05:48:14 pm
maybe this isn't the best time to ask, but how would you say overall your medical care has been? from your experience so far has it been good or bad? like with this leg thing, did you have a hard time convincing doctors you didn't think it was chemo pain, and other instances like this?
I had more problems convincing my mom and others that I was in trouble. the doctor tried to help over the phone but he thought like everyone else it was chemo pain. basically this was very bad and I'm considering talking to other docs, yeah. today was a bad day.
Post by: Doktormartini on June 21, 2008, 06:02:05 pm
Post by: Erave on June 21, 2008, 06:44:10 pm
Post by: Niitaka on June 21, 2008, 07:39:22 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on June 21, 2008, 10:48:32 pm
Post by: Frankie on June 22, 2008, 12:51:20 am
I wish I knew someone who went through chemo so I would go to them and give them a hug and then leave, without any explanation of the gesture and completely out of context
"this...this was for steel", he mutters in french...
Give us an update soon Steel!
Post by: crone_lover720 on June 22, 2008, 04:35:14 am
I have an idea how painful that shit can be, a couple years ago my knee started to swell up and I had no clue why. for some reason I didn't tell anyone until it became so painful that I couldn't walk, and if I tried to move my leg it kinda felt like the bones were separated. my mom took me to the doc and after a few tests it turned out I had mid to late stage lyme disease. it continued to swell up a little after that until the killer antibiotics started working, I couldn't sleep the 2 days after the doctor visit because of the pain and the doctor didn't want me to take painkillers with the doxycycline. while this was probably the worst pain I've ever felt, it must be much worse for you because fuck you're on painkillers and everything! that sounds so horrible dude.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 22, 2008, 02:41:50 pm
today I retched a little and my shoulders were killing me, but one of my mom's friend's who is a physical therapist helped and suggested I think about a masseuse so I'll be talking to the doc about that, as well as valerian root. right now I'm trying to relax all the pain away which is helping somewhat.
I really had no idea chemo would be this hard PITY ME FOREVER I guess but jesus. I go in again Tuesday for a treatment but ironically I haven't had so much symptoms from that as from everything AROUND that. Monday (tomorrow) we go in to see why my sodium count is so high or something because it was in the hospital. more blood drawn w00t.
time to relax I guess. VELFARRE...MY PZIZZ..
Post by: Vellfire on June 22, 2008, 03:23:04 pm
time to relax I guess. VELFARRE...MY PZIZZ..
someone here had the full version for windows, whoever it is should up that shit back to the zoo for you
Post by: Sludgelord on June 22, 2008, 05:58:41 pm
GET WELL BUDDY WE'VE STILL GOT SHIT TO DO TOGETHER!!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 22, 2008, 06:07:34 pm
I've got some constipation but they gave me stool softener so soon........I'll have a great shit.....
but yeah I'm trying to fight off the drowsiness so tonight I can finally sleep better! my friend William wanted to bring his PS3 and let me play MGS4 and he has already lent me his 360 and basically he's a great friend but I've been unable to concentrate on the games even.
anyways I'm taking some bort/other people advice and basically trying to push myself a little more than I should so I get tired tonight but man the drugs from yesterday and last night are in my head. they have this weird effect where suddenly I want to lean my head to a certain direction.
also I'm going to ask about valerian root tomorrow.
Post by: ase on June 23, 2008, 12:56:35 am
Post by: Marmot on June 23, 2008, 09:06:31 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 12:54:33 pm
anyways today we're meeting the doc where I plan on kind of yelling about the knee thing (I really should have been told that was a sideeffect) and then getting my blood tested. keep your fingers crossed my white blood cells and sodiums are okay!
Post by: headphonics on June 23, 2008, 01:02:23 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 02:38:56 pm
Post by: ase on June 23, 2008, 02:41:04 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 02:52:33 pm
also we decided not to go in today, since tomorrow I have to go in for chemo anyways and we can do the blood test then. sucks though because I really wanted to ask about the valerian root but the nurse should call back and I hope she will know.
Post by: local_dunce on June 23, 2008, 03:18:07 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 03:25:37 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 05:57:33 pm
Post by: Lars on June 23, 2008, 06:00:15 pm
and when i feel my balls.... i think about you.........
Post by: Doktormartini on June 23, 2008, 07:22:10 pm
so the doc wants me to avoid natural supplements and instead take benadryl for sleep. idk I kind of hate the idea of so many pills but I guess that's the option.Did he say why?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 07:29:07 pm
*doktormartini explodes into a thousand goji berries*
Post by: Shadow Kirby on June 23, 2008, 07:37:15 pm
I want to but mom doesn't and I hate it. I will have to convince her.
Tell her you'll be like Bruce Willis but browner.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 23, 2008, 07:39:16 pm
Post by: losc on June 24, 2008, 06:59:44 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_nK1CEo5ho (I swear to whatever higher power that may or may not exist and or devil worshipping cult and my mothers name and whatever other cliche you want to think of that this isn't a rickroll or 2girls1cup or anything stupid cross my heart and hope to die etc etc etc.)
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 24, 2008, 02:16:39 pm
I want to but mom doesn't and I hate it. I will have to convince her.What will she be able to do about it if you do it?
Post by: headphonics on June 24, 2008, 02:26:03 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 24, 2008, 03:06:39 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 25, 2008, 02:19:11 am
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/P6100027.JPG)
here's one of me in the hospital again, about three or four days in chemo. look what happened to my arm!
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/P6120033.JPG)
a few days after the hospital. look at how inflated all the chemo made me. lmao.
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/P6160036.JPG)
and lastly, what we all want to see. mom didn't do a good job but that's okay, it's all gonna fall out anyways. and yes I kept the beard because it looks funny as fuck.
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/P6240047.JPG)
there are no pictures from knee day that are any good, but you couldn't see much anyways!
also no I don't look that fat etc anymore, today was a good day and I look good (shaved head tho...), I just thought I'd post a few pics of the stuff I was complaining about!
Post by: Ryan on June 25, 2008, 02:28:44 am
damn. :(
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on June 25, 2008, 02:33:04 am
Post by: headphonics on June 25, 2008, 02:37:54 am
THIS SHIT JUST GOT REAL
Post by: headphonics on June 25, 2008, 02:38:37 am
and do a better job shaving your head; i see patches you didn't hit that well!
Post by: ase on June 25, 2008, 02:48:25 am
that inflated photo is really hilarious only because of the Caribbean shirt and it makes you look like a tourist who just ate the biggest Continental breakfast ever
also I've used that Adidas deoderant before IT IS THE WORST!!! (I hope you don't usually use that!)
Anyways, thanks for the pics. I'm pleasantly surprised with how good you look without hair, so that's a plus!
Post by: Wil on June 25, 2008, 02:49:13 am
I'm going to this Cancer research fund raising event on Friday WITH YOU IN MIND, STEEL.
Post by: Malad on June 25, 2008, 02:49:25 am
Post by: headphonics on June 25, 2008, 02:52:26 am
poor Steel :sad:dude is it the white one that just FLAKES OFF? i bought it because i liked the smell and then i was in class wearing a t-shirt and i looked down and it was just FALLING OUT MY SLEEVE.
that inflated photo is really hilarious only because of the Caribbean shirt and it makes you look like a tourist who just ate the biggest Continental breakfast ever
also I've used that Adidas deoderant before IT IS THE WORST!!! (I hope you don't usually use that!)
Anyways, thanks for the pics. I'm pleasantly surprised with how good you look without hair, so that's a plus!
Post by: Sludgelord on June 25, 2008, 03:01:58 am
Post by: ase on June 25, 2008, 03:02:17 am
dude is it the white one that just FLAKES OFF? i bought it because i liked the smell and then i was in class wearing a t-shirt and i looked down and it was just FALLING OUT MY SLEEVE.no, but i know what you're talking about and those are even worse
I just hate that adidas active deoderant (it is clear orange inside) because it is so DRY and refuses to apply itself to your underarm and when it does, it only works for like an hour
Speed Stick is the way to go
Post by: GZ on June 25, 2008, 03:05:40 am
Post by: Marcus on June 25, 2008, 03:10:02 am
Quote
and lastly, what we all want to see. mom didn't do a good job but that's okay, it's all gonna fall out anyways. and yes I kept the beard because it looks funny as fuck.
hey remember that crazy old lady said you'd go to hell for having a beard?
Post by: Shepperd on June 25, 2008, 06:48:54 am
Post by: helter skelter on June 25, 2008, 08:53:56 am
Post by: big ass skelly on June 25, 2008, 09:04:52 am
Post by: Farren on June 25, 2008, 09:21:14 am
ooouuuuooohhh Demaciado muchos taco :(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 25, 2008, 11:01:09 am
also I plan on shaving the beard today (too much effort yesterday) but nah I'll leave those missed spots. the hair is still falling out anyways (there was just SCRUFF all over the pillow today) so it's not a big deal, as long as it stops cluttering everything.
anyways feeling okay today, got some friends coming over later, should be a good day. I don't know if I mentioned, but I basically got a week off chemo so this should be a good week with little cancer stuff. but yeah that throat thing is hopefully indicative of the chemo working. christ the throat thing.
I also didn't upload the one picture that made my sister faint but that's because it's so gross, where my body is swollen and warped and half shaved and it's so gross now you want to see it...
Post by: headphonics on June 25, 2008, 11:13:09 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 25, 2008, 11:29:38 am
Post by: local_dunce on June 25, 2008, 11:43:20 am
I also didn't upload the one picture that made my sister faint but that's because it's so gross, where my body is swollen and warped and half shaved and it's so gross now you want to see it...
I don't want to say UPLOAD GROSS PICTURES OF YOURSELF FOR OUR AMUSEMENT but upload that shit dude.
Post by: thecatamites on June 25, 2008, 01:20:32 pm
But yeah, definitely shave the beard. In that first pic it makes you look like one of those guys with quadruple chins who think that a beard will cunningly fool people into believing that they have a jawline.
Post by: maladroithim on June 25, 2008, 03:13:07 pm
Post by: Christophomicus on June 25, 2008, 03:24:38 pm
Post by: Wash Cycle on June 25, 2008, 03:25:54 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 25, 2008, 04:02:58 pm
also that DVD is Indiana Jones.
today I feel pretty good. I've been taking Render's advice and having a spoon of honey in the morning; can't say if it works or if I'm just no nauseous lately, but yeah, it's been a good day so far. I plan on shaving the beard off today sometime too.
Post by: Erave on June 25, 2008, 09:01:11 pm
Keep up the faith.
Post by: Terin on June 26, 2008, 12:52:22 am
Isn't it a custom in America to have your friends (irl, lol) give you porno mags and stuff after you've gone through shit in a hospital? And even then, nobody can say anything because you can instantly say, "I was in the hospital." Shit, one of my friends had some extensive work done on his knee and another guy brought him a magazine while the guy's priest was there. He didn't say a damn thing. (I predict someone making a pedophile priest joke here) You need to go knocking on friends' doors, Steel. Demand it.
--Terin
Post by: Vellfire on June 26, 2008, 12:59:40 am
Isn't it a custom in America to have your friends (irl, lol) give you porno mags and stuff after you've gone through shit in a hospital?
i have never in my life heard of this custom but i hope it is true
Post by: Farren on June 26, 2008, 01:49:00 am
Quote
Isn't it a custom in America to have your friends (irl, lol) give you porno mags and stuff after you've gone through shit in a hospital?
why yes it is, its also custom to hit on the nurses the entire time and to try to get them to sleep with you because everyone knows nurses are complete sluts
Also, of course the priest didn't have a problem with it he's usually the one that brings the porn and puts in a good word for you with the nurse.
who is a whore
Post by: Lars on June 26, 2008, 01:52:47 am
Post by: Farren on June 26, 2008, 01:54:18 am
Post by: Terin on June 26, 2008, 02:00:34 am
why yes it is, its also custom to hit on the nurses the entire time and to try to get them to sleep with you because everyone knows nurses are complete sluts
How the hell could I have forgotten that? Go get 'em, Steel. If that doesn't work out, then request to be transferred to Japan. They're sluts there for sure.
--Terin
Post by: Alec on June 26, 2008, 02:06:58 am
last rights and group prayers, really just a symbol of faith and shit dupeface
Probably group prayer. He wouldn't be receiving porn and last rites, because if he was getting his last rites, he's basically already dead.
Post by: Terin on June 26, 2008, 02:09:16 am
--Terin
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 26, 2008, 02:17:23 am
Rather interesting and very recent article about how a guy with skin cancer was cured by pumping billions of cloned immune cells into his system. Don't know if it's really relavent or practical in your case though.
Quote from: random guy (presumably a doctor?)
"Although the technique is complex and difficult to use for all but a few patients, the principle that someone's own immune cells can be expanded and made to work in this way is very encouraging."
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 26, 2008, 02:20:18 am
anyways, I'm emailing a few hospitals about alternate treatments but my cancer is kind of a rare one (testicular not in the testicle at all) but I mean, 50% is a good rate for this stuff. it could just be this is THE TREATMENT more or less, which sucks kind of but it's clear it's working. you guys are all saying HE LOOKS GOOD and I do look better. I mean, that throat swelling is HORRIFYING, and it's gone and my breathing is okay so the chemo seems to be working.
let's just hope it KILLS the filthy cocksucker for good, eh?
but yeah I'm asking around about alternative treatments but I feel good, the cancer might be dying, and my friends lent me a 360 and PS3 LIFE IS PRETTY MUCH GREAT EXCEPT FOR BEING EXCEPTIONALLY WEAK AND NAUSEOUS.
basically this topic...looking up???
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on June 26, 2008, 02:59:44 am
Post by: last life on June 26, 2008, 05:54:34 am
better than most (or at least a lot of) people without cancer imo
Post by: kermit the toad on June 26, 2008, 06:04:49 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 26, 2008, 11:16:41 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 26, 2008, 11:23:34 am
Post by: Lars on June 26, 2008, 12:01:28 pm
Yeah man, you look fine shaved. It doesn't even look like HAD TO DO THIS FOR THE CANCER, it just looks like WHAT, I LIKE MY HEAD SHAVEDMaybe because there's still hair there, especially considering eyebrows.
Post by: Vellfire on June 26, 2008, 04:03:39 pm
This sounds wierd but I think you look good a little bulked up, not sick obviously but you look like a different person than the scrawny man I saw with Avril levine. I mean it looked like she would be a challenge if she decided to fight you. I'm really glad that you are feeling slightly better. :)
gotta bulk up for the big game
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 26, 2008, 04:10:45 pm
christ this knee thing is easily the worst part of this whole ordeal and guess what, the other option is QUARANTINE so I basically just gotta suffer.
Post by: Chubby Skelly on June 26, 2008, 04:27:42 pm
Post by: Mama Luigi on June 26, 2008, 05:20:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 26, 2008, 07:49:53 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on June 27, 2008, 01:37:37 pm
Post by: dicko on June 27, 2008, 02:09:52 pm
edit: i don't mean that in a gay way.
Post by: helter skelter on June 27, 2008, 04:46:51 pm
edit: i don't mean that in a gay way.You do.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 27, 2008, 04:52:45 pm
anyways things have been more or less good. I'm going to contact a few other centers about alternative treatments just in case. currently (if anyone's interested) I'm on BEC, three stage process chemo, which is three different chemicals, bliomycin, cisplatin, and e something that I forgot the name of. of these, cisplatin is a week long process which I had one of and was the really rough one. I've already undergone one cycle, and have to go through three.
in other news I read Lance Armstrong's books and he had virtually the same treatment (although in his case it had progressed to stage 3 like with me but was EVERYWHERE. dude had to have brain surgery, testicle removed, and I think his BEC was more intense because he stayed hospitalized). it sounds like second, third, and fourth cycles are going to be way rougher; his first had been like mine in that the nausea is nothing more than morning nausea.
but by cycles three and four, it turned awful; he could see his SKIN BURN and shit as his muscles fell apart and his entire day was NOT GONNA BARF for like weeks on end. so now I'm kind of upset because I was hoping all of chemo would be like this but I'm in for some rough times it seems. like this nausea is nothing compared to what's coming :(
in other news those little hairs have still been falling out and they are itchy, it sucks.
lastly if this doesn't work apparently I'm really fucked so I've been thinking a bit more about death than I should, but honestly with the knee pain subsided, I'm feeling okay! still positive attitude and really this whole thing is more ANNOYING than scary right now. Armstrong's doctor apparently later told him he was in the 3% survival zone and I wonder if my doc is lying to me buttttt honestly one area, one tumor, I think that 50%+ is still valid.
sorry this post is a little all over the place! I am on some painkillers heh...high posting but mostly my thoughts are all over the place!
Post by: Marcus on June 27, 2008, 06:47:07 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 27, 2008, 07:03:31 pm
Post by: Ryan on June 27, 2008, 07:15:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 27, 2008, 07:26:37 pm
Post by: jamie on June 27, 2008, 09:28:28 pm
Post by: ase on June 28, 2008, 12:47:45 am
And I can't really picture a school asking you in some sort of letter to provide PROOF OF CANCER. It just seems so unsympathetic...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 01:02:55 am
now what IS weird is they want me to pay it AGAIN in a year. after all this is over I'll be contesting that for sure (I mean, what the fuck?)
Post by: Cheshire Cat on June 28, 2008, 01:17:11 am
Absolutely no chance he'll not kick cancer up the fucking arse. Go on son, for all of us. Looking forward to you being well again, even if it is in a distant internet way.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 28, 2008, 06:27:35 am
Post by: Doktormartini on June 28, 2008, 03:39:36 pm
Post by: Ryan on June 28, 2008, 03:42:37 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 03:44:29 pm
Did you ever try talking to a Naturopathic Doctor just to get a different perspective?
no because I'm not a fucking idiot.
Post by: dada on June 28, 2008, 04:56:01 pm
no because I'm not a fucking idiot.:Nearrelief:
Post by: Doktormartini on June 28, 2008, 06:07:44 pm
Post by: goldenratio on June 28, 2008, 06:27:54 pm
NDs can sometimes prescribe pharmaceuticals and perform minor surgeries, but they do not have an MD and if they "study pretty much everything a regular doctor studies" they would get an MD unless they are complete idiots.
Post by: headphonics on June 28, 2008, 06:29:44 pm
Post by: goldenratio on June 28, 2008, 06:33:24 pm
"no thanks, i'm going to naturopathic school after this, i won't be needing that."
Post by: Doktormartini on June 28, 2008, 07:42:58 pm
yeah that's not trueThe point of Naturpathic Medicine is prevention so you don't have to take drugs and undergo surgery.
NDs can sometimes prescribe pharmaceuticals and perform minor surgeries, but they do not have an MD and if they "study pretty much everything a regular doctor studies" they would get an MD unless they are complete idiots.
This is what they study:
http://www.bastyr.edu/education/naturopath/degree_curriculum/4_year_track.asp
http://www.ncnm.edu/academics-at-ncnm/Program_Layouts.htm
http://www.nuhs.edu/show.asp?durki=475
http://www.bridgeport.edu/pages/2632.asp
So I wouldn't consider it a "bullshit degree/study."
Post by: big ass skelly on June 28, 2008, 07:46:18 pm
Post by: goldenratio on June 28, 2008, 08:13:36 pm
Post by: dada on June 28, 2008, 08:14:13 pm
:(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 08:20:42 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 28, 2008, 08:23:03 pm
The point of Naturpathic Medicine is prevention so you don't have to take drugs and undergo surgery.*phew* i'm glad someone in a field centered around prevention has found a way to somehow prevent people who are already sick from getting sick
This is what they study:
http://www.bastyr.edu/education/naturopath/degree_curriculum/4_year_track.asp
http://www.ncnm.edu/academics-at-ncnm/Program_Layouts.htm
http://www.nuhs.edu/show.asp?durki=475
http://www.bridgeport.edu/pages/2632.asp
So I wouldn't consider it a "bullshit degree/study."
Post by: goldenratio on June 28, 2008, 08:24:30 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 08:29:22 pm
I would hope NONE.
Post by: goldenratio on June 28, 2008, 08:32:00 pm
btw (AHAHAAH):
Quote from: Wikipedia
Graduates of a naturopathic medical school in North America are trained to use diagnostic tests such as imaging and blood tests before deciding upon the full course of treatment. If the patient does not respond to these treatments, they are often referred to physicians who utilize standard medical care to treat the disease or condition.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 08:40:33 pm
buttttt hey if you guys know any other good cancer centers I might want to talk to, feel free to post them. I'm calling Johns Hopkins Monday. chances are the treatment I'm on is the best one but you never know.
also to those of you interested in the physical effects of stuff like this, and what I have to look forward to, Lance Armstrong's book was surprisingly informative. cycles 3 and 4 are going to be a bitch for me and the year after (remission) is going to be pretty scary!
it's not a good book really but it's informative so LIBRARY maybe?
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 28, 2008, 08:50:28 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 09:00:11 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on June 28, 2008, 10:19:31 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 10:31:47 pm
anyways posting because I have the answer to the question you all want to ask
chemo is taking away my pubes!
it's not as bad as with the hair but yeah when I wash down there, more hairs than usually come up. it's weird because I think my beard is still growing.
anyways, today was a good health day, no adverse effects or anything. as I mentioned in another thread, I've been taking a spoonful of honey instead of the nausea medicines and it's been working so far, so thanks Render.
I'd also like to address something someone said in another thread, which is that I'm using this basically as a blog. I'd like to say this is 100% correct! I'd ordinarily have created a blog (I mentioned a video log earlier) but honestly there are days when the pain gets too much and I just want to say "today was a bad day" and elaborate later, something a blog isn't friendly to doing. the pain killers also sometimes affect my ability to focus; Hundley gave me the script of Faceless to read, and while it's large I've made so little headway because I suddenly lose my thought process and WHO IS THIS HOBO WHY IS HE TALKING TO ME. so I've been using this thread somewhat as a blog, yes. I really hope you guys don't mind and I'll try and keep it limited to updates about interesting things (I genuinely think that picture of my throat is one of the simultaneously scariest and funniest things I've ever seen) and when stuff happens.
and hopefully we'll close this thread at the end of September with a WE BEAT CANCER (although there's a year of terror after that)!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 10:45:11 pm
http://quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/harmquack.html
Quote
Ruth Conrad, an Idaho woman, had a horrible experience as a result of consulting one of the state's many unlicensed naturopaths. While seeking treatment for a sore shoulder, she also complained of a bump on her nose. The naturopath stated that it was cancer and gave her a black herbal salve to apply directly. Within a few days, her face became very painful and she developed red streaks that ran down her cheeks. Her worried phone call to the naturopath brought the explanation that the presence of the lines was a good sign because they "resemble a crab, and cancer is a crab." He also advised her to apply more of the black salve. Within a week, a large part of her face, including her nose, sloughed off. It took three years and 17 plastic surgical operations to reconstruct her face
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 28, 2008, 10:48:15 pm
gimme a url pal!
http://www.upci.upmc.edu/
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 10:51:52 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 28, 2008, 11:07:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 11:14:24 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on June 28, 2008, 11:21:00 pm
also doktormartini, I know you won't read this (by which I mean understand it), but you really should.Ok I didn't read all of that (yet) but what about all the people that have similar horrible experiences with regular doctors?
http://quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/harmquack.html
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 28, 2008, 11:22:05 pm
Ok I didn't read all of that (yet) but what about all the people that have similar horrible experiences with regular doctors?
i knew you would say this.
that's probably compensated for by the high percentage of people who are helped by regular doctors as opposed to the zero patients who are helped by quacks, hence them being called quacks.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 28, 2008, 11:24:37 pm
Ok I didn't read all of that (yet) but what about all the people that have similar horrible experiences with regular doctors?compare them to those who were cured by visiting regular doctors.
or
that's probably compensated for by the high percentage of people who are helped by regular doctors as opposed to the zero patients who are helped by NDs.
doktormartini find me cases of people being cured of cancer by an ND. more than fifteen.
Post by: Ryan on June 28, 2008, 11:28:07 pm
and if they do they lose their license to practice medicine, but whatever!
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 28, 2008, 11:30:28 pm
Cancer is the sign of the crab
Post by: goldenratio on June 28, 2008, 11:48:34 pm
Post by: Wil on June 28, 2008, 11:54:21 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on June 28, 2008, 11:54:29 pm
I guess this really doesn't anything but:
http://www.cancure.org/naturopaths.htm
http://www.naturopathic.org/viewbulletin.php?id=53
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 01:37:39 am
my uncle is gonna contact johns hopkins and the UNC system later this week, and I'll be contacting a few more cancer centers.
Post by: Vellfire on June 29, 2008, 02:15:54 am
Quote from: that first link
Technically, traditional naturopaths are not legal in any state in the US – except Minnesota, in which they can practice legally as long as they: 1) refrain from medical practices (such as surgery, prescribing pharmaceutical drugs, etc) 2) follow ethical guidelines and, 3) provide disclosure to the consumer about their training, background, and scope of practice.
In practice, most states do not challenge traditional naturopaths legally, unless they interfere with the practice of medicine (e.g. prescribe a pharmaceutical drug or take someone off a pharmaceutical drug), present themselves as a primary care practitioner (e.g., in the place of an MD), misrepresent themselves or their products, or make false claims about their ability to cure illness.
basically you want steel to go to an ILLEGAL DOCTOR
Post by: Doktormartini on June 29, 2008, 02:46:36 am
I really can't believe you sometimes man. absolutely no evidence at all naturopathy will cure cancer or even make it better (did you read your stupid links) and you seriously suggested it.omg taking Spirulina and Chlorella supllements is considered alternative medicine and Spirulina has been proven to inhibit tumor growth and chlorella has been proven to detoxify the body of Dioxin (but it's not real).
my uncle is gonna contact johns hopkins and the UNC system later this week, and I'll be contacting a few more cancer centers.
Also velfarre:
Quote
Jurisdictions that currently regulate naturopathic medicine include:You can legally practice Naturopathic Medicine in these states.
* U.S. jurisdictions with full licensure: Alaska, Arizona, California, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Hawaii, Idaho, Maine, Minnesota, Montana, Vermont, New Hampshire, Oregon, U.S. Virgin Islands, Utah, Washington.[11]
* Utah licensed N.D.s can only prescribe medications listed from the Naturopathic Physician Formulary. [2]
* U.S. state with registration for naturopathic physicians: Kansas[12]
* U.S. jurisdictions with two-tier licensure: Puerto Rico[citation needed]
* U.S. states with legal basis for practice: Rhode Island[citation needed]
* U.S. states which specifically prohibit the practice of naturopathy: South Carolina, Tennessee
Post by: Vellfire on June 29, 2008, 02:49:49 am
Post by: Doktormartini on June 29, 2008, 03:09:59 am
I don't know velfarre I really didn't read the site I posted the link without reading it that is my fault. I don't know how good of a site it is (it looks kinda dumb).
Post by: General Robert E. Lee on June 29, 2008, 04:34:59 am
Doktormartini is trying to get you to see an anime doctor.
Post by: Farren on June 29, 2008, 04:41:02 am
Post by: Niitaka on June 29, 2008, 06:37:33 am
also PM me your address and i'll send you some shit.
Post by: baseball19225 on June 29, 2008, 09:21:46 am
anyways posting because I have the answer to the question you all want to aski didn't wanna ask this and i didn't wanna know the answer! :goose:
chemo is taking away my pubes!
I keep reading Naturopathy as Narutopathy.ahahahahaha
Doktormartini is trying to get you to see an anime doctor.
i got no suggestions or anything otherwise, but any time you mention that you've had a good day or are feeling better i am relieved.
Post by: Farren on June 29, 2008, 09:53:44 am
Or do you not find that out until the treatment is finished?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 01:38:29 pm
so did they look at the cancer cells yet? Are they all dying off or what?
Or do you not find that out until the treatment is finished?
well physically my neck is better and I've had no breathing problems since starting chemo. they won't really know how down it is till later in the treatment cycle though, buttttt from just like WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, the tumor is responding to the chemo. we don't know though.
yeah steel you had mentioned hopkins as a better place so i had been wondering why you werent getting your chemo done there. are you waiting until your next round of treatment or something?
well I'm in North Carolina, and Hopkins is a bit north. I'm going to call them and chances are they will say BEC is the best treatment, which is what I'm on, but who knows.
anyways doktormatini please answer the following questions which occured to me last night.
1. Earlier in this topic, valerian root was suggested as a sleep aid. My doctor immediately said not to take it. Which of the following was your understanding of the situation?
A. The doctor doesn't know about alternative medicine and is a bad doctor.
B. Chemotherapy is the act of poisoning the human body. BEC, or the type of treatment for my cancer, is relatively new having been found in the late eighties, early nineties. Thanks to the Lance Armstrong cause celebre, it's one of the more well researched chemotherapies. The C in BEC stands for cisplatin, which includes large levels of platinum. While BEC is better known, effects from unregulated substances the patient hasn't been taking might be risky, considering you are filling them with platinum and other chemicals. As a result, it's better for the patient to take something like Benadryl, researched as being safe with chemo, for a sleeping aid then something that might adversely react with his new blood stream.
2. Do you realize how incredibly stupid A is when you think about B at all?
3. You mentioned doctors that had MDs that did not cure, or harmed, their patients. Are you aware that if we were to increase the number of doctors that were guilty of medical malfeasance up to 50%, they would still have a higher cure rate than all the naturopaths in the world put together? Are you aware we'd have to increase this number to above 90% for all diseases and every doctor ever before examples like Hundley's kelp and other naturopath cures would become statistically significant enough to outweigh the doctors that were bad? Do you realize most naturopathy cures do not, in fact, work, and there's a reason the ones that do are limited to many conditions that tend to alleviate themselves? Like, that this is a fact?
4. In addition, no naturopath has ever cured cancer. Ever. You have found several highly suspect studies of potential tumor reduction from eating algae. You have not, and will not barring a real scientist in the coming months potentially extracting something from an algae, find a single scientific study proving any of these curing cancer. TREG suggested a clinic that at worst, will give me the same odds of curing, 50%. You conversely suggested I seek an alternative course of action proven to have a 0% cure rate and a 100% death rate.
In further addition, numerous naturopaths have killed patients by convincing them to delay actual treatment and their cancers going from benign to malignant as a result. This means the naturopathy side has a negative cure rate when it comes to cancer; every person who chooses naturopathy over a doctor will DIE because naturopathy has never cured cancer. In order to illustrate this, it would be the same as if every oncologist in the world not only never ever could cure cancer, but a large number of which would make their patient worse. Why on earth would you suggest I kill myself?
5. Why not faith healing or Peter Popoff miracle water, both of which have better cure rates than naturopathy?
if you do not answer these questions to my admittedly arbitrary satisfaction, I'm going to report every post you make in this topic next because while I'm not sure it's against the rules, I think we can rule of thumb stretch the fact that you suggested a course of action that will kill me and have refused to back it up since into "attempted murder of a gw member" which is hopefully a warnable offense???
earlier in this topic I ripped into Mog for being insensitive and suggesting I need to be a "better person" after this. compared to his comment, yours is infinitely worse. you don't seem to realize that you seriously suggested I seek a second opinion that would kill me if I took it, and continue to claim it wasn't at best maliciously fucking stupid and at worst straight up evil to do so. so answer the questions above (mostly because I've got a week off chemo and you're a funny motherfucker when you babble incoherently about shit you don't know) or don't post again.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 01:40:11 pm
Quote
maliciously fucking stupid
this should seriously be your username or group or member title.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 01:48:14 pm
how will you sleep at night...
Post by: Ryan on June 29, 2008, 02:10:50 pm
Post by: headphonics on June 29, 2008, 03:08:42 pm
don't... don't take this away from me
Post by: datamanc3r on June 29, 2008, 03:19:34 pm
wait-shit-wha? *triple take* Steel has cancer?
Fucking. Oblivious.
Get better, goddammit. Who the hell else will make fun of my posts?
Okay no, but seriously, on a humane level -- I hope you get through all this shit. When I turn 21, I will go to the next GW meet (wherever the hell that may be) and I will share my first beer with you, man.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 03:24:17 pm
it will again when the chemo starts up in a week but it's kind of funny!
Post by: Death Gulp on June 29, 2008, 03:37:36 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 03:48:11 pm
they did shave my right side though to put in the portocath, so it looks kind of weird.
in other news, I'll take pics of me having chemo when it does, but do you guys want a vid of them putting it in? it would be needles which is gross but maybe you guys are curious since most people dont seem to get what it is.
also example on why I don't blog, my right hand is really really tingly right now and I can't type more.
Post by: datamanc3r on June 29, 2008, 03:56:17 pm
Also yes, video. I used to think chemo was like some sort of ultraviolet treatment or something. It'll be an edumacational experience.
Post by: Terin on June 29, 2008, 04:33:05 pm
http://science.slashdot.org/science/08/06/29/1453241.shtml
Quote
TaeKwonDood tips us to news that a new cancer resistance treatment is going into clinical trials after being quite successful at eradicating cancer in mice. Researchers discovered that certain white blood cells called granulocytes from cancer-immune mice were able to cure cancer in other mice. Now, doctors are putting out the call for healthy granulocyte donors in order to test how well it works on humans. The article quotes lead researcher Zheng Cui saying, "In mice, we've been able to eradicate even highly aggressive forms of malignancy with extremely large tumors. Hopefully, we will see the same results in humans. Our laboratory studies indicate that this cancer-fighting ability is even stronger in healthy humans."
Sounds weird. Almost like how the smallpox vaccine, etc was developed.
--Terin
Post by: helter skelter on June 29, 2008, 04:39:44 pm
chemo is taking away my pubes!Have you been touching your face after you wash your pubes.
it's not as bad as with the hair but yeah when I wash down there, more hairs than usually come up. it's weird because I think my beard is still growing.
That might explain it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 29, 2008, 04:40:28 pm
also yeah I know about the bad stuff. my own dad didn't do followups so by the time they caught it, he had a zero chance of being cured. rather than go through chemo he just took morphine and spent the rest of his days with family. we aren't looking at anything like this (hopefully ever) but I'm sorry to hear about your uncle.
also goddammit my left hand is spasming and my right is tingly, this kind of sucks.
Have you been touching your face after you wash your pubes.
That might explain it.
i shaved the beard.
Post by: helter skelter on June 29, 2008, 04:47:39 pm
Seriously though hang in there bud, I hope for the best for your next round.
Post by: Doktormartini on June 30, 2008, 02:08:58 am
anyways doktormatini please answer the following questions which occured to me last night.I said a lot of regular doctors don't know about herbology because they aren't required to study it or think it is bullshite. I didn't say your doctor is a bad doctor.
1. Earlier in this topic, valerian root was suggested as a sleep aid. My doctor immediately said not to take it. Which of the following was your understanding of the situation?
A. The doctor doesn't know about alternative medicine and is a bad doctor. I don't think he is a bad doctor.
Quote
B. Chemotherapy is the act of poisoning the human body. BEC, or the type of treatment for my cancer, is relatively new having been found in the late eighties, early nineties. Thanks to the Lance Armstrong cause celebre, it's one of the more well researched chemotherapies. The C in BEC stands for cisplatin, which includes large levels of platinum. While BEC is better known, effects from unregulated substances the patient hasn't been taking might be risky, considering you are filling them with platinum and other chemicals. As a result, it's better for the patient to take something like Benadryl, researched as being safe with chemo, for a sleeping aid then something that might adversely react with his new blood stream.It's true. A lot of regular medications are researched more than alternative ones. Herbs and alternative medicines are gaining in popularity, thus the research for them is going up as well. There is quite a bit of research in China done on herbs (because their whole medical system involves them). The research is increasing in the US as well.
Quote
4. In addition, no naturopath has ever cured cancer. Ever. You have found several highly suspect studies of potential tumor reduction from eating algae. You have not, and will not barring a real scientist in the coming months potentially extracting something from an algae, find a single scientific study proving any of these curing cancer. TREG suggested a clinic that at worst, will give me the same odds of curing, 50%. You conversely suggested I seek an alternative course of action proven to have a 0% cure rate and a 100% death rate.I'm not saying EAT THIS ALGAE AND BE CURED! I'm saying try eating this algae along with whatever you are doing because it seems to have positive effects.
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/patient/31.cdr#Section_31 (An extract in mistletoe can actually kill cancer cells).
Quote
In further addition, numerous naturopaths have killed patients by convincing them to delay actual treatment and their cancers going from benign to malignant as a result. This means the naturopathy side has a negative cure rate when it comes to cancer; every person who chooses naturopathy over a doctor will DIE because naturopathy has never cured cancer. In order to illustrate this, it would be the same as if every oncologist in the world not only never ever could cure cancer, but a large number of which would make their patient worse. Why on earth would you suggest I kill myself?http://www.forcesofnature.ca/NaturopathicSuccessStories.htm
http://www.lifepositive.com/Body/body-holistic/cancer-cure/cancer-drugs.asp
Quote
if you do not answer these questions to my admittedly arbitrary satisfaction, I'm going to report every post you make in this topic next because while I'm not sure it's against the rules, I think we can rule of thumb stretch the fact that you suggested a course of action that will kill me and have refused to back it up since into "attempted murder of a gw member" which is hopefully a warnable offense???I don't care. I'm sorry for being concerned and suggesting something that may be of help. I'M SORRY FOR CARING. I did not suggest to stop going to your doctor and see a naturopath fuck doctors they suck no. I said why not try seeing a naturopath ALONG with your other doctor just to see what the ND says? I know of plenty of people who have a regular doctor and also visit a Naturopath. It's true, naturpathy doesn't have all the answers, regular doctors don't either. That is why it is good to get both, if one can't do something maybe the other can??
Quote
earlier in this topic I ripped into Mog for being insensitive and suggesting I need to be a "better person" after this. compared to his comment, yours is infinitely worse. you don't seem to realize that you seriously suggested I seek a second opinion that would kill me if I took it, and continue to claim it wasn't at best maliciously fucking stupid and at worst straight up evil to do so. so answer the questions above (mostly because I've got a week off chemo and you're a funny motherfucker when you babble incoherently about shit you don't know) or don't post again.It wouldn't KILL YOU. Also, I never said take it I said check it out. You don't have to do it, just see what it is about.
hi herbs and shit don't work (Click to reveal)
Most of these aren't directly related to you but it's just showing that a lot of herbs and shit actually have positive effects regarding cancer:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/ETO/content/ETO_5_3x_Astragalus.asp
http://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20060728/birch-bark-prostate-cancer-treatment
http://www.springerlink.com/content/wt94um4gha92ru75/
http://proukrain.com/infophys.html
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/HealthProfessional/page3
http://thorax.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/44/12/1047
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T8D-4G7NSY5-2&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=be50e0132181589af927ebc781a5dada
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10851520
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/patient/31.cdr#Section_31 (Mistletoe extract has been shown to kill cancer cells in the laboratory and to boost the immune system (see Question 3), Animal studies have suggested that mistletoe may be useful in decreasing the side effects of standard anticancer therapy (see Question 5))
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/ETO/content/ETO_5_3x_Astragalus.asp
http://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20060728/birch-bark-prostate-cancer-treatment
http://www.springerlink.com/content/wt94um4gha92ru75/
http://proukrain.com/infophys.html
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/HealthProfessional/page3
http://thorax.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/44/12/1047
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T8D-4G7NSY5-2&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=be50e0132181589af927ebc781a5dada
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10851520
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/patient/31.cdr#Section_31 (Mistletoe extract has been shown to kill cancer cells in the laboratory and to boost the immune system (see Question 3), Animal studies have suggested that mistletoe may be useful in decreasing the side effects of standard anticancer therapy (see Question 5))
Post by: HL on June 30, 2008, 04:51:13 am
this time he actually cited some reputable sources. (webmd, cancer.org).
But Dok, an ND is stupid, and there is a big reason why a lot of alternative medicines are laughed at: most of them simply do not do jack shit or hurt you.. If anything, he should get another MD just in case to get a second opinion from someone who actually knows something.
Post by: dada on June 30, 2008, 05:57:33 am
this time he actually cited some reputable sources. (webmd, cancer.org).And forcesofnature.ca, and lifepositive.com...
Post by: dragonx on June 30, 2008, 07:49:26 am
website itself says:
Quote
However, available scientific evidence does not support claims that astragalus can prevent cancer, cure cancer, or reduce side effects of mainstream cancer treatment in humans. There is some suggestion that it may enhance the effects of certain chemotherapy (cancer treatment) drugs, but more testing is needed.
http://www.webmd.com/prostate-cancer/news/20060728/birch-bark-prostate-cancer-treatment
This one doesnt involve EATING BARK OR SOMETHING
it involves extract something from the tree, and deriving a medicine from it(hello aspirin(i dont eat willow trees or something for a headache)) this is not some ND shit here, they use science
http://www.springerlink.com/content/wt94um4gha92ru75/
what the fuck is 10mg of ukrain
im so confused by this article
http://proukrain.com/infophys.html
oh i read this
then from the previous link
Quote
Conclusions. Our data demonstrate that Ukrain improves quality of life in patients suffering from advanced pancreatic cancer and significantly prolongs survival time in these patients.they still die right?
I think morphine is cooler to use if im going to die
on top of that, I searched everywhere I could, and that proukrain.com shit is the only site about the crap
I can't find it anywhere else
fake drugs are cool i guess???
actually on top of that the site with information is called proukrain
thats not going to be biased at all
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T8D-4G7NSY5-2&_user=10&_rdoc=1&_fmt=&_orig=search&_sort=d&view=c&_acct=C000050221&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=10&md5=be50e0132181589af927ebc781a5dada
the hell does this one have to do with cancer, it is like, for auto-immune diseases if anything, do you even read your sources?
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/HealthProfessional/page3
http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/pdq/cam/mistletoe/patient/31.cdr#Section_31
http://thorax.bmj.com/cgi/content/abstract/44/12/1047 (did you honestly use this to try and look smart, honestly)
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10851520
I grouped these because they aren't even approved by the FDA at all, like, hey lets use this fake medicine with real medicine and hope it doesn't conflict in any way!
i love you doktormartini, really
edit: i wrote all this because of
i'll give him credit
this time he actually cited some reputable sources. (webmd, cancer.org).
But Dok, an ND is stupid, and there is a big reason why a lot of alternative medicines are laughed at: most of them simply do not do jack shit or hurt you.. If anything, he should get another MD just in case to get a second opinion from someone who actually knows something.
he isn't allowed to have credit
edit2: i answered my own question
Quote from: dragonx(me)
do you even read your sources?
I don't know velfarre I really didn't read the site I posted the link without reading it that is my fault. I don't know how good of a site it is (it looks kinda dumb).
Post by: local_dunce on June 30, 2008, 08:18:14 am
Fuck I'm not a doctor, I can't explain this well at all but Scientists and doctors aren't just MAGICKING NEW EXISTENCE. Everything they put into their meds will have at some point come from the earth, whether it is concentrated or mixed with something else that's where it will have come from. So whatever affects these WEEDS EATING WEEDS CURES CANCER are having, will only be a fraction of what is proven to be effective by doctors.
PS I burnt a HOLE in my stomach and bled stomach acid into my bloodstream and vice versa, started digesting blood. What NATURAL WEEDS would you recommend I go out and pick to fix this when I was dying and had like MAYBE A DAY to live? Because in that situation if I was being rushed into the emergency room and some guy stopped me to say "ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT MEDICINE? MAYBE YOU WOULD RATHER DRINK THIS POND WATER AND SEE IF IT CLEARS UP FIRST?" I would have had to find the energy to floor him.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 30, 2008, 02:14:07 pm
Quote
I don't care. I'm sorry for being concerned and suggesting something that may be of help. I'M SORRY FOR CARING. I did not suggest to stop going to your doctor and see a naturopath fuck doctors they suck no. I said why not try seeing a naturopath ALONG with your other doctor just to see what the ND says? I know of plenty of people who have a regular doctor and also visit a Naturopath. It's true, naturpathy doesn't have all the answers, regular doctors don't either. That is why it is good to get both, if one can't do something maybe the other can??
because one of them can do nothing. you've provided zero evidence of a single ND curing cancer. NDs cannot cure cancer. they will KILL ME. you suggested I take the advice of someone who will give me a ZERO CURE RATE. ZERO. CURE. RATE. you suggested I seek the help of someone who will kill me. how do you not get this?
the links you provided to dissuade this were a single letter written about a cancer that went into remission. did you know this happens anyways? yeah! cancers do go into remission naturally ALL THE FUCKING TIME. my own did! remember the throat thing? it swole up during my trip with Chef but went down again JUST BECAUSE. a week later it swole up again. is it Chef? did Chef cure my cancer? maybe that's the natural cure, hanging out with Chef!
your other link is broken, w00t, good job.
basically you are just so stupid guy, it's amazing. I can't believe someone like you exists!
Quote
It wouldn't KILL YOU.
no, but listening to them over an MD would. you also glazed over the part where taking mysterious non-regulated extracts into a body literally filled with new poisons and chemicals can actually cause harm to a patient and could potentially stop my heart or weaken my bone marrow or anything.
Post by: goldenratio on June 30, 2008, 04:50:16 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 30, 2008, 05:07:59 pm
Post by: Standard Toaster on June 30, 2008, 07:46:28 pm
Post by: Chubby Skelly on June 30, 2008, 07:55:34 pm
Post by: dada on June 30, 2008, 08:11:27 pm
What I would like to know is if Doktormartini believes in homeopathy.Don't be too surprised when it turns out he doesn't. Most people who believe in something extremely implausible feel the need to "prove" that they're rational human beings by being very vocal disbelievers in some other implausible thing.
Post by: Chubby Skelly on June 30, 2008, 08:37:55 pm
Post by: dada on June 30, 2008, 09:34:09 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 30, 2008, 09:46:56 pm
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on June 30, 2008, 09:51:09 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 30, 2008, 10:17:30 pm
I was really upset this morning when I turned over on my left side and I could feel the tumor when I breathed. it's not like a constant pressure or anything, it's this weird watery feeling just under my ribs. I hate this fucking thing so much and I'm scared of it too but god I don't want to feel it.
for those of you curious, I did have the measurements and Sredni basically extrapolated that at the time of diagnosis (about page 7 or 8 of this topic) it was the size of your fist curled around a pack of cards. pretty big!
Post by: Chubby Skelly on June 30, 2008, 10:39:55 pm
for those of you curious, I did have the measurements and Sredni basically extrapolated that at the time of diagnosis (about page 7 or 8 of this topic) it was the size of your fist curled around a pack of cards. pretty big!
holy motherFUCK
I'm amazed at what the human body can tolerate. It's incredible that you could have something like that without really even noticing it until it was already that big.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 01, 2008, 10:43:28 pm
basically Johns Hopkins called back, and the earliest they claim to be able to see me is fucking August 2nd, and that's for a consultation. I'm going to pull some strings if I can and see if I can get that earlier, but christ what about the people IN MARYLAND? that's just absurd that someone can have cancer and be told to wait a month!
today was a good day, but my right hand has been tingly all fucking week and is particularly bad now (this is why all my posts have been short). I also still can't get used to the shaved head; most people say it looks all right and a few say good but I think part of the problem is I only see it when I take a shower, and since they shaved most of my right chest and there's also my portocath staring back at me like a gill, the entire image makes me depressed!
Post by: jamie on July 01, 2008, 10:54:45 pm
hope that helps champ! :cool:
Post by: Farren on July 01, 2008, 10:56:40 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on July 02, 2008, 12:17:44 am
Hang in there steel. I thrive off your witty insults (i m a parasit).
Post by: PTizzle on July 02, 2008, 02:12:09 am
I mean, power to you for trying to help but why is it necessary to come into serious shit like this and suggest shit that not only will Steel not listen to, but if he was going to wouldn't help him (and if it did it'd be so small compared to stuff like chemo it'd be a waste of time and money) and could possibly take time out from real treatments? Can't you just say go Steel go and keep the algae and shit to yourself for once?
Slightly more on topic you looked fine in da pics Steel.
Post by: Bisse on July 02, 2008, 08:37:58 pm
I dunno, being able to follow someone through chemo like this makes it sound like a nightmare. Seeing your body get all fucked up and fall apart and all, and still all it gives you is a percentage chance of survival... wouldn't wish that on anyone. I mean I knew cancer patients went through hell, but didn't know how bad it was until reading what you're going through.
Go get that fucker out of your system, and also im voting for 'maliciously fucking stupid' as Dok's new nick/user title.
Post by: Rocket Lawnchair on July 04, 2008, 06:57:28 am
Seriously though Steel; I'm really awed at your strength in this situation. I always here a lot of former or current cancer patients talk about how a positive attitude is essential, and it seems you have that under control. Stay strong through chemo, sounds pretty rough.
I sincerely hope you get better and you'll be in my prayers. Be strong man, I don't want anything horrible to happen to anyone, regardless of if I know them well or not.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 07, 2008, 02:58:28 am
How did you find out you had cancer?
I've advocated in this topic that everyone who can get checked or run tests for cancer do so regularly, such as with breast and testicle examinations, and for the ladies of GW, get Gardasil. Unfortunately, in my case this would have done no good. However, don't let that dissuade you from the regular checkup.
For myself, it's hard to tell when the symptoms started. I was in my final year of school, trying to fix some shitty grades and graduate. I had a problem with a foreign language credit and there was an incomplete, and basically when I started to exhibit signs of a cold, I assumed they were stress related. I have no idea when I first noticed, but according to livejournal I had a severe shoulder pain on March 30th, and never quite recovered, complaining directly of flulike symptoms on April 7th , thinking it was drinking catching up to me.
The first time I knew something was wrong was really wrong was about May 3rd, the last final I had. I'd been feeling like shit the whole week; I kept coughing and I was getting tired a lot, taking naps for the first tie in my life. The night before the final, my roommate was there finishing his project...and I couldn't breath when I lay down. Like, I'd try and I'd struggle the whole time. I didn't sleep the entire night, despite my best efforts. I assumed it was an allergic reaction to miso, a sauce I had just tried yesterday at this rich fancy chinese place, but decided at long last to see a doctor when I could.
Finals finished, I somehow graduated (coughing as I got the degree), and Chef and I planned to go to Florida. The night before he was supposed to show up, I not only was still having breathing problems, but my jaw suddenly exploded in pain in the morning, prompting me to almost call the trip off. But this was my only free break this summer, and we went anyways. The trip could have been better, but I felt sick the whole time. Sleep didn't come at all for the most part and I felt miserable the entire time, so we cut it short and on the train when my hands both locked up in pain, I called my mom and we scheduled a doctor's appointment as soon as I got back. I've apologized to Chef for the shitty trip, but you also have to admit; I've got a hell of an excuse huh.
The doctor couldn't understand the throat swelling and prescribed some steroids. It chills my blood to think if those steroids had worked better; I wouldn't have gone in to further doctors until much, much later. As it was, the swelling didn't get any better, and we went to an ENT who couldn't find anything wrong either. Finally a general practitioner prescribed Tussinex, a hardcore cough suppressant. The night I took Tussinex, my throat inflated pretty bad, so my mom assumed I was allergic to Tussinex and the GP finally said to take me to the emergency room and have an X-ray done, since it was clear nothing was working. I think she suspected something else at that point.
I've described what happened in the emergency room earlier in this topic so I won't restate. Needless to say, the X-ray was followed by a CAT scan, which revealed a large mass over my lung.
So what was all that stuff before?
The reason no one could see anything and all the weird symptoms like a swollen throat and my muscles in my shoulder suddenly rising were from the tumor pushing up on my entire body, shifting everything up a little. The jaw lock up was actually from having coughed so much my jaw seized up. Later, before I would start chemo, I also experienced some back pain that is now gone (how much of it was stress and how much was more cancer I don't know) and the throat swelling would increase to the ridiculous proportions you saw in the pictures.
So did you have cancer yet?
Not yet, despite what the nurse said. I made the topic on GW hastily, in all honesty. See, CAT scans can't tell you what something is, just that something is there. There was a good chance it could have been displaced pneumonia, scar tissue, mold, and any number of things. But that nurse's confidence had shaken me, and I was pretty certain it was cancer.
In order to find out this kind of shit, doctors use a biopsy. A biopsy is basically taking a large needle and sucking out a bit of the mass. This requires the patient to be kind of drugged up so they don't feel that shit obviously, so I was given a lot of pain killers via an IV. It is here we discovered I have a severe physical reaction to IV needles; namely I start retching and freaking out. Sucks, but this ended up being a constant thing too; I still can't do IV needles. So while I was in the hospital, they admitted me and took the biopsy that next morning. Before the biopsy, I had a weird incident where every muscle in my stomach ended up seizing violently. It was probably from the fear and stress of the situation, but part of me also thinks the tumor...knew...
The biopsy is done while the patient is in a CAT machine usually so they can pinpoint exactly where the mass is. It wasn't very frightening or painful, and I was able to go home soon after, where that stomach thing happened again and I ingested some painkillers. At this point I was very high and made my sister post once in this topic and apparently hallucinated a bit and blathered on about red and yellow and how there was a dog in the corner of the room (later I found a stuffed animal wolf in the corner of that room, so balls to everyone who thought I was crazy).
After the biopsy was the waiting period. I won't bore you with the details and the people confidently saying OH IT WILL BE NOTHING but it's a hard time. Stephen King once said people get two types of scared, TV-scared and real-scared, and waiting for biopsy results is usually TV-scared (the kind where you're scared of shit that happens to people on TV) but as I said, I was pretty certain the news was bad.
Then we went in to the Cancer Center, an outpatient clinic, where I met with my oncologist, a man you hope to only see once, where yes, he confirmed I had cancer...testicular cancer. For some weird reason, I seem to have skipped quite a few steps of testicular cancer and had it a fairly advanced tumor over my lungs. He told me I had about a 50% cure rate, despite the advanced nature of the tumor, which were good odds, and then left, where I had my one of two reactions to this event; I was holding the papers describing the tumor and as soon as he left, I murmured “fuck” and threw them against the wall, at which point my mom collapsed into me and my sister grabbed me in a hug while I swore just a little bit more. Yeah, that's actually about the extent of it. No really big scene.
So...testicular cancer. Explain how that's in the lung
Unfortunately, there won't be a good explanation for this. Doktormartini will say it is because I did not eat algae. Here's the educated (or not monstrously stupid) guess though.
When the fetus is created, the gonads start up near the throat, and then proceed to move down. Often times this leaves pieces of tissue behind. Traditionally, testicular cancer moves into three stages. First it appears in the testicle, and is highly curable (95%). If not caught it then moves up into the stomach, also a better cure rate than 50%, and then finally into the lungs, following that fetal line in reverse. However, sometimes one of those pieces of tissue can get cancer. It's rare, but it happens. And it happened to me. Pretty unfair, I know.
What tests do you run after you get cancer?
Well, in most cases they want to make sure the cancer is nowhere else. So traditionally most oncologists suggest a follow up CAT scan of the whole body and a bone scan, along with a pulmonary response test. I also had a testicular ultrasound later.
What's a CAT scan?
A CAT scan is basically putting the patient into a big ole X-ray machine and viewing the human body as a 3D picture. It uses slices and generates a neat 3d picture where they can see if there are any other masses anywhere else. In the past to do this, you had to ingest an awful barium pill that tasted like gasoline. Now they've replaced it with this flavorless contrast, although you can make it taste like lemonade, where you drink it and wait a bit for it to cycle through the system (about thirty minutes after you drink two bottles). Then they insert an IV (here we confirmed my reaction to IVs unforunately) and insert additional contrast which makes you feel like you've just crapped yourself (this is a natural reaction) and they lie you on a bed where you get rolled into a big donut, get told to breath a bit, and then they move you in and out. It's all relatively painless, except for that IV part. Here's a youtube video showing you what the CAT scan looks like: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlOr_8lyJtc It takes some time for them to check all those slices, about two or three days.
What's a bone scan?
See, cancer likes to spread. Sometimes it gets in the bone, which is a huge pain in the ass for everyone. In order to check if it's there, doctors run a bone scan. Through an IV they inject a radioactive isotope that takes a few hours to go through the body. This isotope bonds to hot areas of the bone. Some areas are always hot, like the spine, but if irregularities show up in the scan, it means you've got cancer in that bone area. The bone scan itself is also relatively painless, but is kind of scary and boring at the same time. You lie down, your legs are tied together so they don't move, and you're more or less locked in to this slab. Then a big metal plate comes down really really close to your face and you wait twenty minutes while it slooooowly goes down the front of your body, scanning. If you happen to jiggle, the whole thing starts up again. Mine was kind of scary because apparently I moved my head and they rescanned it, and the entire time I'm thinking OH GOD ITS IN MY SKULL.
What's a pulmonary response test?
Because chemo is poison and because of all the stress and shit, they want to make sure your lungs can take it. My test wasn't that great, considering the mass is over my lung and I wasn't in the best of health anyways, but I passed. Some of you may have done this; it's basically a bunch of breathing exercises where you blow into a tube as hard as you can and then inhale and it's just really a pain in the ass. Not actually painful, just irritating because you don't have any air left but KEEP BLOWING KEEP BLOWING. Funny anecdote, Lance Armstrong (who had the same cancer I do, although much further progressed and with a much worse prognosis) was approached with this test back when it was just a ball in a tube (this is the version some of you may have done). Angered, he grabbed it, blew hard enough to knock the ball out of the tube, and said “get that fucking thing away from me”. Of course, I am no professional biker so I didn't get to be HEH BADASS.
What's a testicular ultrasound?
Basically, it's a way to check if there are lumps or growths in your testicles with soundwaves, just like when you or your partner is pregnant. In a horrific turn of events, yup, the ultrasound technician was alarmingly hot. Luckily, being scared of cancer means we didn't get a weird Judd Apatow moment so no DOING story. Basically, she left the room, I shucked my pants, put a towel over my legs, lifted my dick up and lie it flat on my stomach and cover it with a rag, then lay back down. She came in, rubbed some cool gel stuff on my testicles, and used a thing that looked like a book scanner on it. Once again, painless if kind of uncomfortable (I did not make small talk and she mercifully did not try).
How did your tests go?
Great. There was no cancer in my bone or anywhere else in my body, outside of the one tumor and a few nodes near it. Even the testicular ultrasound was completely clear. Like I said, my cancer is a bizarre little fuck.
Did you do anything else before treatment and these tests?
Yes. We tried to freeze sperm, because chemotherapy tends to make people sterile for life. This is such a weird freudian experience. First we had to schedule the appointment, which is surprisingly hard to do and awkward because your mom has all your medical info but you really really don't want her around when they ask the last time you've been sexually active (embarassingly long). But basically you don't jerk off until your appointment, and they leave you in a room with a lounge chair with a doily on it, a cup, a bunch of Penthouse and Playboys on the floor, and a TV with a headset looping some incredibly generic porn. You do your business in the cup, a surprisingly awkward arrangement because lord knows you don't want to GET ANY ON THE EDGE and then hand it to the technician.
But you'll notice I said try. See, freezing sperm, aside from being really expensive (about 150 dollars a year), requires that you not have, say, hepatitis B, or your sample might corrupt others. Which means a blood test. One I just could not do. I panicked, and we left. So my sperm will be destroyed sometime soon and I'll probably be sterile, all because I couldn't take an injection. There's definitely some lesson in the fact that I could fulfill the manly part of the duty but not the blood work, but who knows what it is. This was the first failure I'd experience, but later that night my mom told me that she didn't care about the genetic material and that there were unwanted kids all over the world. Adoption was something she always was for. Later I also read Lance Armstrong's book and was horrified at the part about the in vitro fertilization; his wife had like YEARS of injections that were horrible and painful just to get that sperm in there. So fuck it, I thought it was just TURKEY BASTER HERE YOU GO. So I won't have any of my own kids probably, no big deal.
So what did you do after the tests?
We sat down with the doctor and discussed treatment options. There are three types of ways to cure cancer (doktormartini's invisible fruit energies not withstanding, and newer techniques being ignored).
Radiation therapy
This is one we haven't discussed, namely because it's the least effective on this type and would be pallilative and not curative (meaning a type of therapy to reduce, but not kill, the cancer). So to reiterate: there is no radiation treatment going on with me. At least two people have thought as much, and no, chemotherapy is NOT radiation.
As a result, I know little about it, but I understand it's basically dosing the area of the tumor with hardcore rays and burning the little cocksucker where it sits.
Surgery
Surgery is exactly what it sounds like; a dude goes in with a scalpel and cuts the cocksucker out. We decided to go with chemo first, and then whatever is left over, we go in with a scalpel. Surgery is always kind of risky, but also self-explanatory so I won't say more on it. We don't know how necessary it will be but the chemo+surgery was what gave the 50% cure rate number, I should mention. In an ideal world though, the chemo will kill it alone. Traditionally with testicular cancer, a testicle has to be removed. Not having cancer in my testicles, this isn't something I have to worry about!
Chemotherapy
This is the one we decided. I'd be on a fairly aggressive course of chemotherapy called BEC (more on this later). This would be four sessions, or most of the summer since each session would be about three weeks. None of them would require me to go to the hospital; the world has changed and I would go to an outpatient clinic where the chemo would be administered and then go home. There were just two problems. The first was the clinic would be closed for a week because of some unrelated reason. The second was my crippling fear of IVs would make these treatments unbearable for everyone involved. So we decided two birds with one stone; while the clinic was closed, I would go in for a portocath surgery at the hospital; Tuesday early morning.
Chemotherapy itself is the act of injecting the body with various poisons that kill all the fast acting cells in the body. This includes cancer cells, which react badly to chemo and die off. It also includes hair cells and white blood cells unfortunately, and often includes lots of side effects. More on chemo later with BEC, but it's basically a lot of IV bags!
What's a portocath?
A portocath is basically a catheter placed under the skin on the chest. It basically looks like a round bubble attached to a needle that goes into a vein. They place that bubble and needle under the skin and glue it shut. Rather than stick someone in the arm constantly, nurses can just place a small needle that barely hurts into that bubble (and you can get some cream that numbs the area anyways) and they can attach whatever they need. I'll post a pic later.
My surgery was okay. They gave me a lot of drugs. The scariest part was his casual mentioning OH YEAH THIS MIGHT COLLAPSE YOUR LUNG LOL but that rarely happens. Portocaths can get infected, but that's with time and hopefully we don't have that problem. Basically they shaved my right side and stuck that cocksucker in! It looks kind of gross, because there is this GILL in my chest, but its preferable to being IVed every time.
Wait, you were in the hospital for chemo though!
You are correct. The tumor grew, and my neck swole up, and my aunt who is a doctor saw it and said “put him in the hospital and start him on chemo now”. As posted earlier in the thread, my throat had swollen to a ridiculous degree and we started the chemo the week early. This meant admission to the hospital because the clinic was closed. So we rolled into the hospital on Tuesday, and the first five day chemo started. Pictures were posted earlier, but here's a repost of just how badly swollen my neck got before chemo:
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I wish I could say the hospital visit was a blur, but that implies I felt nothing. It was a scary time. My mom stayed on the recliner next to me (the cot they brought for her was uncomfortable) the whole week. Every two or so hours a nurse would come and check my blood pressure, temperature, oxygen, the works. They switched out at night, and would erase their names on the dry erase board. I sat there, used my laptop, and tried to read, but the various emetics and painkillers made focus difficult.
Also, everyone in the world knows airline food is awful.
It is NOTHING compared to hospital food. I swear, hospital food is the worst fucking shit on the planet. How do you fuck up a turkey sandwich? HOW. The chemo also started to affect my taste buds a little, but it was still awful, to the degree I eventually refused to eat it (the only edible food being a “cheese pizza”, which was nothing more than one of those Red Baron pizza singles which tasted oddly good to my changing taste buds). I had my mom and her friends bring in outside food several instead, which was much better; Quiznos and japanese takeout and shit like that.
But the painkillers and the chemo took their effect; I couldn't make it to the bathroom several times, and had a pissjug that I had to use frequently. One of the big fears in chemo is you want to make sure your kidneys are dialysing, so I had to ask people to leave the room frequently while I pissed in a jug. You can see this piss jug in this picture, on the sink next to the blue stuff:
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You'll also notice the discolored arm. I woke up on Thursday only to realize that my arms were swollen and I couldn't bend them and my right arm was suddenly discolored. It turned out just lying bed had fucked up my systems a little and I should elevate my arms (thus the pose in the picture with my arm resting on the IV machine). I should have probably walked around but I was afraid of some horrible IV accident, so I stayed in bed for the most part.
On Friday, the day before I had to leave, I decided to “take a shower”. Because they were administering fluids, I would take one with the IV machine. They put a big orange bag over my shoulder with the portocath, and I looked in the mirror and I couldn't take it. Just this dripping machine and this biohazard bag. I took a terrible semi sponge bath and waited till Saturday, release day.
Mom's friends came by to visit, but I explicitly told my own friends not to, since I didn't want them to see me in this state. It was a boring but scary time, if that makes sense, and I didn't want them to see me all pathetic in bed just lying there acting okay and a little drugged up. Saturday rolled around, the final bag of liquids went in, and I went home, with instructions that I should drink lots of fluids and piss a lot.
This all had the side effect of my being incredibly bloated, to the extent I could barely waddle from my room back to my mom's bedroom, which had been sterilized and is now where I sleep (she sleeps in mine, and it took a solid week to teach her that the laptop could be closed and you can press a button on the harddrive, you do not need to unplug EVERYTHING FROM EVERYTHING). The sad effect of this is the hospital stay and chemo actually ended up making me feel worse than any part of the cancer did, and I basically was looking at dark times.
So what's a chemo anyways?
Okay, basically as I said, chemotherapy kills all the fast acting cells in the body. The chemotherapy regime I'm on is called BEC, or bliomycin, etoposide, and cisplatin, the three chemo drugs in the IV. Blio and etopo don't require any liquids, and can be done in thirty minutes. Cisplatin, however, is a week long drug that also requires lots of liquids, since a major risk of it is kidney damage. Here are the sideeffects of these drugs, and what I've experienced (italicized).
Cisplatin
-Kidney damage (hopefully won't!)
-Decreased blood levels of magnesium, potasium, and calcium (this is all put in the liquids to prevent this)
-Nausea (so far mild)
-Vomiting
-Taste changes, including metallic taste of food (this one comes and goes, but when it comes, it's a doozy. I usually snack on candy, chocolate, or mints, something that really sticks in the mouth, when it does, and it passes)
-Sensation of pins and needles in hands or feet (I've got this right now, but the doctor thinks it's a pinched nerve in my shoulder and not chemo, and I agree since neuropathy never settles like this or this quickly and it's only in two fingers)
Bleomycinn
-Fever and chills
-Nausea
-Loss of appetite (not really!)
-Hair loss (my beard has also stopped growing and is actually falling out. My chest hair remains intact, and my pubes are slowly falling out. We shaved my head, which was hard for my mom, but currently none of it falling out. I anticipate the rest will later though)
-Sores in mouth or on lips (I have to be really careful with these; if a sore gets infected, my lowered white blood cells can't fight it as well. So I have a salt rinse I use before I go to sleep)
-Skin changes, like small rashes (I have a small patch of red dots going up my right shoulder, near the portocath)
Etoposide
-Decreased white blood cell count (I get an injection to fight this, but more on that later)
-Decreased platelet count
-Mild nausea (let's just skip the ones I've got already)
-Mild vomiting
-Loss of appetite
-Changes in taste of food
-Hair loss
The etoposide gets administered with the cisplatin, and the bleo is done on Tuesday, so each cycle looks like the following:
Week 1: MTWThF- Cisplatin, from 8:30 to 2:30 at the earliest.
T- Bleomycinn and Etoposide, sometime during the Cisplatin
Week 2: T- Bleomycinn, from 9:30 to about 11:00
Week 3: T- Bleomycinn, from 9:30 to about 11:00
And we have four cycles of this. The next cycle starts tomorrow (or today, depending when I finish this).
What's this Knee Day?
This is pretty much the last question I think I have to address. There's a reason I left it for so long.
I am confident that short of the death of my child or something equally worse, I will never feel pain or fear like I did on Knee Day. The day after Knee Day, I cried and screamed because I was afraid if I moved, it would come back. There is NOTHING like Knee Day. I will try to describe it, but I pray no one who reads this ever feels like this.
Look up at that schedule. On Week 2 of the cycle, every Monday, I go in for an injection of Blunesta, a white blood cell encouraging shot. It unfortunately is a normal injection, administered behind the arm, rather slowly over about a minute. The first time I took it pretty well, no retching, and it was done, and I was happy. After all, this would boost my white blood cells! That's a good thing!
Later that week, I sat down to play GTA IV when my right knee started to feel a little bad. Just like, a little pain. No problem; earlier on before chemo, my knees had both suddenly swollen up from inactivity, and one of my mom's friends, god bless her, brought over two knee compressors from Kerr Drug and just like that those two black compressors got rid of the pain. So I called my mom and told her to bring the compressors.
Except they didn't work. They didn't feel WORSE by any means, but they didn't WORK. Why weren't they working? I decided to lie down but the pain got even worse. My mom got the ice pack, but that wasn't doing anything.
See, what no one had told me was that Blunesta has a rare side effect of causing massive, horrible, joint pain for some people. So my mom called a friend of hers who had ovarian cancer and she came and massaged the leg which felt better but still hurt.
And this went on the whole day. Every person who came over that day massaged my knee, and it still hurt and got worse and worse.
How to describe the pain; first imagine really bad joint pain to begin with in your knee. Like something decided to bite your knee from the inside. Then imagine it surges up every 10 seconds. No exaggeration, it just gets worse every ten seconds. And then I want you to imagine it gets worse every hour. Suddenly the pain scales up and you're like “no bring it back to before, please god”. And- here's the part that sucks- nothing is making it better. You put a heating pad on it. Nope. Wrap a bag of peas. Nothing. Switch the two off. Nothing. Mom calls the on call doctor, who, bored or negligent, says it's just part of the chemo pain, give him some Advil. She calls again about six hours later, because all I can say anymore is “No God, there is no God”. Give him some more Advil. Yeah, a hydrocodone, why not. The pills don't work. The words people say go from comfort to mockery. Oh, children do chemo, they can live with this. I swear to you if there is a child in the world who felt the pain I felt on Knee Day they would have gone mad. No one could help.
Then Sredni's brother came over, rubbed my knee harder than any of my mom's friends (all women) could and miraculously, at about 9 pm, the pain...was gone. I hobbled over to my laptop to thank him...
When my left knee started to tingle.
That's right. The rest of the night, the knees switched. My mom and I got no sleep, I from my constant crying in pain, her from rubbing my knees, trying to beg me to calm down, this is all normal! At this point, I knew it was not normal. This wasn't chemo. I was in too much pain, old people and kids did chemo, there was NO WAY this was chemo pain. I begged her to call the on-call doctor again where guess what, MORE ADVIL. My heart started to beat irregularly, and the pain didn't get better. Finally, at five in the morning, I grabbed her and threatened to call 911 myself; I needed to see a real doctor in the hospital. She was furious at me, and why not? This was just good ole chemo pain wasn't it? Why was her son like this!!! She called up Sredni's dad, who drove us to the hospital emergency room. At this point the pain was so bad I could only cry and she had to answer the admitting nurse's questions for the most part. Finally after a torturous fifteen or so minutes, I was admitted to the hospital again.
At the hospital, it was quickly determined that no, this wasn't normal, they gave me some morphine via an IV (the nurse MISSED THE PORTOCATH THREE TIMES btw and poked me and I retched again) and at last, long last, my knees stopped screaming. It was determined that Blunesta was the cause, not chemo. My mom has since apologized for her doubting and I think she still feels awful for it. I don't blame her though; I blame that awful fucking on call doctor and all her friends for saying it was normal pain.
Unfortunately, the other option to Blunesta is a hospital admittance with almost zero visitors during the weeks of long chemo, so I have to live with the knee pain. It did come back one day, but this time the on-call doctor, a better one, suggested that she give me three of the morphine painkillers prescribed for this, and it worked wonders. So while I will always live in fear of Knee Days, they can be controlled now. But that Knee Day/Night...I will never forget. It was the worst time of my life.
Anyways, I hope that answered all your questions!
Wait...how are you? Really?
This is a question I've been getting a lot. I said I had two reactions so far to the news. One was throwing the papers, and the other was when I got home, I grabbed my childhood bear, cried for about twenty seconds, and then never did again and went downstairs and had to slap my mom because she was having a severe panic attack and couldn't breath. HOORAY. But that's been it. My mentality has been mostly irritated; if this doesn't go away, I'm sure terror will factor higher but as it is, I've been bored. Oh sure, there are scary moments; right now I'm kind of worried that this tingling ISN'T a pinched nerve and is instead neuropathy, which is much more serious. And bleomycinn tends to fuck up people's lungs, and that scares me. I'm also way out of shape which means I don't feel good just in general. But for the most part I'm SO BORED. I play games, watch DVDs, post on GW. That's my life. You guys might think WOW...GAMER PARADISE, but I love doing shit, and for the most part I can't. I miss going out to concerts or to do shit, but with a lowered immune system, I have to be careful around crowds. I've also lost my privacy since Mom's taken off work for the most part until this is over (no I don't know how she's pulling it off, but my aunt is coming from India in about three days, which means hopefully my mom can go to work at least part time) and for a while there had a good chance of winning the Breakfast Club unintentionally. Basically, I lost this summer, and then after all this, assuming we get rid of it, I get a whole year of being terrified of remission. My law school dreams got pushed back a year, but hey, maybe cancer will get me a scholarship! SILVER LINING.
Basically, yeah, I have been dealing with this well I guess. Really, people who AREN'T are the ones that make me sad; my uncle loved my dad more than any man, and it destroyed him when he died of cancer, so seeing me, I can tell he's falling apart a little which hurts to see. Little cards and things have also been TOUCHING MY GUPPLES STRONGLY, as have even the small GW YOU'LL MAKE IT STEEL shit.
But I'm not scared, I haven't been depressed. I'm just kind of mad I lost a whole summer!
Okay, so that's the megapost. I'll post a few more pictures of the outpatient clinic I'm having this stuff done at when I can, but if there's anything I forgot to address, feel free to ask!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 07, 2008, 03:14:27 am
Post by: Indalecio on July 07, 2008, 03:15:08 am
just kidding. hang in there man, and don't forget to import your goji berries from Tibet for maximum effect
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on July 07, 2008, 03:15:13 am
Post by: Sarevok on July 07, 2008, 03:16:19 am
(you still owe GW 87 album articles after all....)
Post by: baseball19225 on July 07, 2008, 05:18:05 am
Oh, I forgot to mention: Cycle 2 starts tomorrow. So from 8:30 to about 2:30 for the rest of the week TRY AND BE REALLY ENTERTAINING GW because I will be sitting in a recliner all day :(just do a yotuube search for "semper games" and "gamesmasterjasper" because there are so many videos. hours of laffs.
it was cool that you made a big summary man! obviously a horrible situation of course, but it's bringing us up to date and I understand a bit more now.
Post by: Boulvae on July 07, 2008, 05:19:43 am
I don't know any words that could cheer you up or entertain you, the only thing I can really say though is that your a tough SOB and you'll make it through this. 50% is very high, especially for cancer.
Wasn't there an option for an organ transplant if it was only just located in your lungs?
Post by: headphonics on July 07, 2008, 05:25:58 am
seriously though man good luck tomorrow! i hope the subsequent cycles don't suck as much as you've told me you think they will!
Post by: Mongoloid on July 07, 2008, 05:45:02 am
I would never had said it, but since the last picture of you I had seen was with Avril, I thought you had just become really fat. I'm like twice as sympathetic now. Hope everything is going well.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on July 07, 2008, 06:44:01 am
is there like an all over cancer check or something you can do? i'm a bit worried about my health now and i really can't deal with knee pain too well!!!
STEEL HOW COULD YOU HAVE FOUND THIS SOONER?
Post by: headphonics on July 07, 2008, 07:24:20 am
Post by: mkkmypet on July 07, 2008, 07:32:59 am
so yeah i guess just so you know, WHEN I FEEL MY TITS I'LL THINK OF YOU BUDDY
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 07, 2008, 11:45:48 am
1. regular checkups are always a good thing to do, and yes, get the blood work done.
2. if you feel bad go to the doctor. BM was COUGHING UP BLOOD, I can't imagine not running to the nearest doctor in that case. in almost all cancers there are signs, and you will pick them up. I just had awful luck, and it's good I'm...atheist pride heh...because while there are no atheists in foxholes, I am pretty sure a lot of people would pick up doubt from this kind of thing (namely, WHY ME)
3. quit smoking. I'm serious, I've actually started thinking kind of dicky and been like UGH when I see a cigarette now. mkkmypet's uncle got lucky, lung cancer has a 17% survival rate. quitting smoking is the best thing you can do to prevent cancer!
4. if you do get diagnosed with cancer, for the love of god, CHECK YOUR REMISSIONS AFTER. almost everyone I know who gets cancer that advanced/lethal DID NOT GET CHECKED UP AGAIN. my own father did not because he was constantly shuttling from Puerto Rico to here, and as a result, yeah, he died of pancreatic cancer when who knows if it could have been prevented. this kind of thing happens a lot more than you'd think.
anyways, going in for chemo in about an hour, feeling a little nervous but I'll take an atavan (pretty much a valium) before I go since it calms nerves and also has the effect of killing nausea.
Quote
I would never had said it, but since the last picture of you I had seen was with Avril, I thought you had just become really fat. I'm like twice as sympathetic now. Hope everything is going well.
dude come on that kind of swelling is totally unnatural. if I had gained 300 POUNDS maybe!
Quote
Wasn't there an option for an organ transplant if it was only just located in your lungs?
it's located OVER my lungs, there's no organ to switch and organ transplants are rare for cancer treatments because of GVH and a host of complications. if I had lung cancer though maybe that would be an option.
the difference here btw is that, the thing is OVER my lungs, not inside it. under the ribcage, which is why all that swelling occurred; it was pushing up on my lungs. there are other differences (you've all seen SMOKER'S LUNG etc) but yeah it's not lung cancer!
oh, here's how big it was when it was first detected: (from the
report: large mass in the right paratracheal region: at the level of the
carina, measures 9.3 cm AP x 7.7 cm transverse, and the mass measures 10.1
cm craniocaudal).
if you want to translate that, Sredni said it was like a slightly uncurled fist.
Post by: ase on July 07, 2008, 01:16:29 pm
also.. i pictured your mom sorting through a pile of mail on a kitchen counter, spraying everything with lysol and then reading you the mail from another room so you wouldn't have any contact with the senders
P.S. post a pic of the portocath asap because up till now I've been picturing the IRONMAN glowing chest thing
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 07, 2008, 02:10:55 pm
good news; my white blood cells are really high so if the blood work next week shows the same level, we will forgo that nulesta injection and no knee day! doubly good news, we're going to have a cat scan at the end of cycle 2 and take a look at the cocksucker, where hopefully it will have shrunk to a nougat.
as for sterilizing the room; while I was in the hopsital my mom's friends hired some professional cleaning firm to go into her room and just clean up all the bad shit and dirt and everything. nothing hardcore, but yeah be careful sneezing on cards dogg, I don't want to get sick! luckily I got it after I had my white blood cell injection, so it was good timing.
also I just took a pic of IV with portocath that I'll upload at home if I feel up to it.
also also got prescribed a muscle relaxant which will hopefully get rid of this two finger tingling I've been having.
Post by: Revolutionist on July 07, 2008, 03:23:46 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 07, 2008, 03:43:46 pm
Post by: Boulvae on July 07, 2008, 04:29:06 pm
Post by: chanicakes on July 07, 2008, 04:49:40 pm
My family has had cancer bad on my dad's side mainly from smoking and when I read the part about it moving up the "fetal growth line" in reverse it made more sense why my grandma is having a similar issue. Though she doesn't have cervial or ovarian cancer she does in fact have stomach cancer, lymphoma and COPD. My Great aunt also had carcinoma she had surgery and hasn't had any news of it since.
Those are the worst cases that we have heard in our family (since some of them don't even get regular check-ups) but listening and watching them suffer is horrible, feel lucky your not in the same position as my Grams. She's been given till the end of February to live.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 07, 2008, 05:10:04 pm
Too bad you just can't sleep or something. I noticed you use the same labtop as me, I gotta say I hope you've got a mouse atachment because that touch pad is a bitch to handle and is extremely annoying.
no mouse and yeah it kind of sucks, but I have no mouse intensive games anyways, and mostly use it for gw and browsing. I could sleep but it's 1:00 pm, so I don't want to fuck up my schedule. my big fear is I just ate so I'm afraid of the emetics I just took failing and that when I get home I'll be bloated to shit.
sorry to hear about your grams, chanicakes. I hope that reiterates the point I've been trying to make though; get regular checkups!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 08, 2008, 01:28:15 pm
what worries me is we're no longer sure its from the white blood cell injection; it's been way too long for that. I'll update after I hear from the doc, who is showing up in like ten minutes, but god I hope this isn't BONE CANCER as well, jesus.
man this pain was so bad. this knee/joint pain is the only time I lose hope and want to die, it hurts that much.
also I think the fingers thing is from a pinched nerve, the muscle relaxant helped a little but I took it at night and fell asleep so who knows.
Post by: maladroithim on July 08, 2008, 03:34:14 pm
Post by: maestroanth on July 10, 2008, 08:10:43 am
The problem is it is NOT FDA approved, so you really don't know what is in a supplement.
However, if you have a blood test done and you know you are deficient in say Vit C (Yes, proper diet and vitamins DO help prevent disease and cancer. It's all about immune buffing.), then a Vit C tab is good. Usually, I'd prefer just to drink OJ. But self-perscribing can be dangerous because you can overdose on a Vitamin as well.
I decided to eat healthy (lots of spinach and stuff), and I ended up with a goiter (It's horrible)! My physicians were like 'duh, there is nothing wrong with eating that much spinach' (so IMO, regular docs can be just as "quacky"), but after reading that too many veggies and soy (especially dark leafy stuff) can cause goiters in some people. Once I stopped, and started eating animal products/salt products again, the goiter cleared right up. It took awhile for the hormones to straighten back up, but I'm healthy has a horse (as far as I can tell) again. My point is mix the evil with the good.
Too Health-nut "Goods" = Goiter aka Thyroid Problems
Too Much (Smoking, drinking, Fatty Foods, etc.) "Evils" = Most likely cancer.
Basically how much you abuse either side hastens the rate. (I got it pretty fast eating 2 bowls of spinach a day and a subway club with lots of veggies)
It's a horrible balancing act.
Post by: maestroanth on July 10, 2008, 08:53:45 am
but you can try LIFT if the trials pass (we won't know for 3 months).
Immuno-therapy has cured 2 out of 17 advanced melanoma in Great Britain by using increased dosages of patient's own white blood cells in the immune system.
Basically, it's the same idea, but focused on granulocytes. Some people genetically have more, some don't. My family thankfully doesn't have cancer (maybe I should be a donor), but we still have thyroid problems (but my family all were White Europeans eating too many damn vegetables as well!!! Lol) My mom doesn't have a thyroid problem and she's a booze-hound that doesn't eat lots of veggies.
Just to defend the Holistic dude a bit:
There are good holistic doctors out there. GOOD ND's are VERY successful at treating thyroid problems. But they are the types that do 9000 blood tests that tell you what you need nutritionally to straighten your body out. IMO, they are no more so called "quacky" as a acupuncturist or chiropractor. As for curing cancer, the principal is the same, boost the immune system. Fruit and Veggie diet is a good way to do this (not enough to cure....just help), but eat enough iodized salt (the government added this to our table salt for a reason heh :). W/e restores the balance.
Post by: Frankie on July 10, 2008, 02:59:19 pm
(which is why "taking more vitamins" wont really make you "healthier", you just have problems if you don't have enough of them. (IT PREVENTS STATUS AILMENTS, IT DOESN'T GIVE YOU BONUSES TO STR. AND CON.))
Post by: Doktormartini on July 10, 2008, 03:10:49 pm
Holistic medicine is a double-edged sword.You need Iodine for proper thyroid health. There is little to no Iodine in spinach. Try taking kelp granules (sprinkle it on salads or whatever it has a salty taste) as 1/2 tsp has 100%DV of Iodine. You don't get thyroid problems from eating too much vegetables...it's either a deficiency (iodine) or eating foods that upset it (lots of soy...etc).
The problem is it is NOT FDA approved, so you really don't know what is in a supplement.
However, if you have a blood test done and you know you are deficient in say Vit C (Yes, proper diet and vitamins DO help prevent disease and cancer. It's all about immune buffing.), then a Vit C tab is good. Usually, I'd prefer just to drink OJ. But self-perscribing can be dangerous because you can overdose on a Vitamin as well.
I decided to eat healthy (lots of spinach and stuff), and I ended up with a goiter (It's horrible)! My physicians were like 'duh, there is nothing wrong with eating that much spinach' (so IMO, regular docs can be just as "quacky"), but after reading that too many veggies and soy (especially dark leafy stuff) can cause goiters in some people. Once I stopped, and started eating animal products/salt products again, the goiter cleared right up. It took awhile for the hormones to straighten back up, but I'm healthy has a horse (as far as I can tell) again. My point is mix the evil with the good.
Too Health-nut "Goods" = Goiter aka Thyroid Problems
Too Much (Smoking, drinking, Fatty Foods, etc.) "Evils" = Most likely cancer.
Basically how much you abuse either side hastens the rate. (I got it pretty fast eating 2 bowls of spinach a day and a subway club with lots of veggies)
It's a horrible balancing act.
Also it's possible to overdose on some vitamins/minerals because some of them are toxic at high doses but these are usually pretty high and this really only happens when people take too many supplements. Unless you eat like 3 full bags of spinach a day then you shouldn't be worried (even I eat a lot of greens in my smoothies).
Post by: halibabica on July 10, 2008, 05:29:57 pm
Post by: Boulvae on July 10, 2008, 05:31:48 pm
Post by: maladroithim on July 10, 2008, 05:35:48 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on July 10, 2008, 07:09:05 pm
http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/37686/kazesong.mp3
http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/37686/DSV.mp3
Post by: maestroanth on July 10, 2008, 07:30:59 pm
You need Iodine for proper thyroid health. There is little to no Iodine in spinach. Try taking kelp granules (sprinkle it on salads or whatever it has a salty taste) as 1/2 tsp has 100%DV of Iodine. You don't get thyroid problems from eating too much vegetables...it's either a deficiency (iodine) or eating foods that upset it (lots of soy...etc).
Also it's possible to overdose on some vitamins/minerals because some of them are toxic at high doses but these are usually pretty high and this really only happens when people take too many supplements. Unless you eat like 3 full bags of spinach a day then you shouldn't be worried (even I eat a lot of greens in my smoothies).
Well, one theory with spinach is since it has become iodine deprived from soils is that it does leech iodine throughout your body.
However, you have to realize it's a calcium vs. magnesium ratio (about 2 to 1). And too much magnesium disrupts the active hormone T3 uptake.
According to the second statement, yea you can eat lots of veggies, as long as you get enough calcium (which I wasn't). However if spinach really DOES leech iodine from the body, you can only eat so much of it.
Plus, not all salt is iodized anymore........
Post by: maestroanth on July 11, 2008, 04:53:19 am
It's somewhat holistic (and I only recommend, but highly recommend, with a really GOOD ND).
However they had a lot of success.......w/o side effects of chemo. I self-treated my thyroid problem (no goiter woot!) because I know doctors are protocol idiots (and I have a lot of personal relations whom are physicians who confess----And even a stepmom who is a cancer doctor that KNOWS she has a thyroid problem just sitting there waiting for her TSH numbers to go up so the docs would finally treat her.....if ever).
I love to laugh at my physician when he was like "how did you lose 25 lb's in 3 weeks?" and I reply "I went back to eating meat, salt and carbs :P" And he just glazes back at me in confusion......BOOYA!!!
PWNED~!
Likewise, you can PWN cancer as well man. Just be smart and remember, docs HAVE TO follow protocol. I thought I was going to die and I fell asleep with a 91.8 temp (and temporary blindess plus all the symptoms in the world from my hypothyroid), but with lots of research I figured out how to fix it.....was a miracle. For good or for worse, it is you to decide what is best as the patient.
I'm no hippie, or a stupid rep. Just use your wisdom......
-Anth
Post by: Doktormartini on July 11, 2008, 05:01:45 am
Post by: dragonx on July 11, 2008, 05:09:58 am
awwwwwwwww
anyway, steel, anything on the white blood cell/knee thing? are the doctors even looking further into it or are they writing it off as WHITE BLOOD CELL INJECTIONS
Post by: maestroanth on July 11, 2008, 05:17:32 am
Haha gl maes I recommended checking out an ND and I got shit on.
I know......
It's the ignorance in society that plagues us.
There are quacks everywhere, and it's usually the stupid, desperate, or poor that trusts them.
ND, MD, chiropracter etc. etc., you have to find the best of the best especially in alternatives to get results....but they work. Not some garage door freak on quackbusters.
-Anth
Post by: maestroanth on July 11, 2008, 09:06:21 am
Post by: fatty on July 11, 2008, 10:01:36 am
http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/37686/kazesong.mp3do you have any other kazesongs
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 11, 2008, 12:44:41 pm
gonna nap I guess but man this is miserable!
still don't know what caused the foot/knee pain, which is a little concerning. I hope it's just TUMOR DEATH. as I said we have a CAT scan at the end of this, so that will clarify I guess.
Post by: Cho on July 12, 2008, 08:09:01 am
I didn't know you could overdose with vitamins? I thought vitamins went pretty much straight through you and weren't accumulated at all. Like, if you have a vitamin intake, and its not used, your body gets rid of it immediately, no?
A polar bear's liver is poisonous to humans because it contains so much vitamin A. You can die from it. You can eat a polar bear's liver and it can kill you.
Post by: goldenratio on July 12, 2008, 08:27:42 pm
Post by: Parker on July 13, 2008, 07:58:57 am
Hope all is well.
Post by: Vellfire on July 13, 2008, 11:58:15 am
Post by: Ranmaru Mori on July 13, 2008, 05:33:51 pm
I really hope you pull through, best of luck!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 14, 2008, 02:15:31 pm
Steel, what is your home address and what is your livejournal.
Hope all is well.
I'd rather not post my home address since I am actually AT HOME meaning mom's house sooooo. as for livejournal thanks to this hand tingling I never update it, and honestly it's best to keep up with this thread.
anyways, after the five day chemo I was down on Saturday. I mean, fuck. I slept the entire fucking day. part of this is because I take an anti-anxiety med before chemo and doing it five days in a row really fucked with my head I think, I still got a bit of wooziness.
other than that, it's been okay. I have the awful taste in my mouth, there's a pinched nerve in my right shoulder that has tingling all in my right pinky and ring finger, some nausea, tiredness, but I've been all right. there's a bleomycin chemo tomorrow, but like I said that's like two hours max so. after two weeks I go in for a CAT scan. basically here's what we're looking at possibilitywise with the CAT.
1. The tumor is gone- pretty unlikely, but my god wouldn't that be great? TWO CHEMOS AND HEY IT'S GONE. too bad I could feel it this morning when I lay on my side.
2. The tumor has shrank- most certainly. I haven't had breathing problems really, no swelling, the markers all appear to be on course, chemo is having an effect almost certainly. hopefully the tumor has shrank A LOT, but we won't know
3. The tumor has remained the same- unlikely, but it's possible. this would be a bad outcome, because it means chemo is just holding it in place, not killing it. it's doubtful but that's when we really start to worry.
4. The tumor has grown- incredibly unlikely, and also scary. if this has happened, we're looking at the other side of that 50% square in the face. but there's been no real sign; the effects I've had have been chemo related, other than this pinched nerve which while worrying probably is stress related.
anyways, yeah, another chemo tomorrow, then another in a week, plus a CAT scan!
as for vitamins I'm just taking a Centrum Silver, mostly because I do eat kind of weird sometimes and it's best to stay healthy as possible through these things. I wish I wasn't so physically weak from the chemo though; I get winded going up the steps.
Post by: ase on July 14, 2008, 04:26:42 pm
then i read the rest of your post....
Post by: Chubby Skelly on July 14, 2008, 04:59:02 pm
as for vitamins I'm just taking a Centrum SilverHeh Centrum Silver is for old people. Are you 50, Steel? Have you been lying to us???
Post by: Aten on July 14, 2008, 11:59:00 pm
Excellent article on cancer. (email title) (Click to reveal)
>
Quote
> Pass it on please.
>
> AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS
> THE ONLY WAY TO TRY AND ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY
> STARTING
> TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY .
>
>
> Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins :
>
>
> 1. Every person has cancer cells in the body.
> These cancer cells do not show up in the standard tests until they have
> multiplied to a few billion. When doctors tell cancer patients that there
> are no more cancer cells in their bodies after treatment, it just means
> the
> tests are unable to detect the cancer cells because they have not reached
> the detectable size.
>
> 2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than
> 10 times in a person's lifetime.
>
> 3. When the person's immune system is strong
> the cancer cells will be destroyed and prevented from multiplying and
> forming tumors.
>
> 4. When a person has cancer it indicates the
> person has multiple nutritional deficiencies. These could be due to
> genetic,
> environmental, food and lifestyle factors.
>
> 5. To overcome the multiple nutritional
> deficiencies, changing diet and including supplements will strengthen the
> immune system.
>
> 6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the
> rapidly-growing cancer cells and also destroys rapidly-growing healthy
> cells
> in the bone marrow, gastro-intestinal tract etc, and can cause organ
> damage,
> like liver, kidneys, heart, lungs etc.
>
> 7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells
> also burns, scars and damages healthy cells, tissues and organs.
>
> 8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and
> radiation will often reduce tumor size. However prolonged use of
> chemotherapy and radiation do not result in more tumor destruction.
>
> 9. When the body has too much toxic burden
> from chemotherapy and radiation the immune system is either compromised or
> destroyed, hence the person can succumb to various kinds of infections and
> complications.
>
> 10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause
> cancer cells to mutate and become resistant and difficult to destroy..
> Surgery can also cause cancer cells to spread to other sites.
>
> 11. An effective way to battle cancer is to
> starve the cancer cells by not feeding it with the foods it needs to
> multiply.
>
> WHAT CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
>
> a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder.. By cutting off
> sugar it cuts off one important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar
> substitutes like NutraSweet, Equal,Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame
> and
> it is harmful. A better natural substitute would be Manuka honey or
> molasses
> but only in very sma ll amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make
> it
> w h i te in colour. Better alternative is Bragg's aminos or sea salt.
>
> b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus,
> especially in the gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By
> cutting
> off milk and substituting with unsweetened soy milk, cancer cells are
> being
> starved.
>
> c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid
> environment.
> A meat-based diet is acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little
> chicken
> rather than beef or pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics,
> growth
> hormones and parasites, which are all harmful, especially to people with
> cancer.
>
> d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and
> juice, whole grains, seeds, nuts and a little fruits help put the body
> into
> an alkaline environment. About 20% can be from cooked food including
> beans.
> Fresh vegetable juices provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and
> reach down to cellular levels within 15 minutes t o nourish and enhance
> growth of healthy cells. To obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells
> try and drink fresh vegetable juice (most vegetables including bean
> sprouts)
> and eat some raw vegetables 2 or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at
> temperatures of 104 degrees F (40 degrees C).
>
> e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which
> have high caffeine. Green tea is a better alternative and has
> cancer-fighting properties. Water-best to drink purified water, or
> filtered,
> to avoid known toxins and heavy metals in tap water. Distilled water is
> acidic, avoid it.
>
> 12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and
> requires a lot of digestive enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the
> intestines becomes putrefied and leads to more toxic buildup.
>
> 13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein
> covering. By refraining from or eating less meat it frees more e nzymes to
> attack the protein walls of cancer cells and allows the body's killer
> cells
> to destroy the cancer cells.
>
> 14. Some supplements build up the immune
> system (IP6, Flor-ssence, Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs
> etc.) to enable the body's own killer cells to destroy cancer cells. Other
> supplements like vitamin E are known to cause apoptosis, or programmed
> cell
> death, the body's normal method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or
> unneeded cells.
>
> 15. The cancer is a disease of the mind, body
> and spirit. A proactive and positive spirit will help the cancer warrior
> be
> a survivor. Anger, un-forgiveness and bitterness put the body into a
> stressful and acidic environment. Learn to have a loving and forgiving
> spirit. Learn to relax and enjoy life.
>
> 16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an
> oxygenated environment. Daily exercise and deep breathing helps to get
> more
> oxygen down to the cellular level.. Oxygen therapy is another means
> employed
> to destroy cancer cells.
Again, too late i know, but still.... thought I'd share. Maybe you've even read this already :)
Post by: dragonx on July 15, 2008, 12:07:35 am
i think it was
Post by: Eltee on July 15, 2008, 12:07:53 am
Post by: Aten on July 15, 2008, 12:15:39 am
Post by: dragonx on July 15, 2008, 12:17:30 am
Post by: Eltee on July 15, 2008, 12:17:58 am
You should think twice before posting a dumb chainmail. It's not like the guy who did the chainmail is an expert either.
Post by: Aten on July 15, 2008, 12:24:48 am
It's not like the guy who did the chainmail is an expert either.
its an article from a damn HOSPITAL
Johns Hopkins (http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/usnews/)
And apparently a pretty darn good one too.
Post by: dragonx on July 15, 2008, 12:26:24 am
but it has no sources
hey guys god told me to send all your money to my paypal
edit:
wow god is a great source http://www.god.com/
Post by: Eltee on July 15, 2008, 12:31:59 am
Quote
Cancer a mental illness?
It has been proven by Dr. Urmnaf Yvannov of the Moscow General Hospital that cancer is not really what we had always thought it to be. Studies ran by a group of researchers led by Dr. Yvannov seem to indicate that the plague of the 21st century is caused by a certain mental disorder.
"It is a shocking realization that may lead to further discoveries and perhaps even the uncovering of a cure in the future." - Dr. George Hatchkinson, New York Hospital
See, cancer is nothing more than a wild case of insanity as proven by our friend Dr. Yvannov from Russia.
It's got to be legit, he's a real doctor in Russia!!!!
EDIT: Oh wow Aten you're the dumbest of all. Trying to prove your chainmail was legit, you led me to find this article on the John Hopkins hospital site:
Quote
Mythbusting at the Johns Hopkins Kimmel Cancer Center
EMAIL HOAX REGARDING CANCER
An email falsely attributed to Johns Hopkins describing properties of cancer cells and suggesting prevention strategies has begun circulating the Internet. Johns Hopkins did not publish the email, entitled "Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins," nor do we endorse its contents. For more information about cancer, please read the information on our web site or visit the National Cancer Institute's web site at www.cancer.gov.
GOOD GOING ATEN
Now let's get back on fucking track and not drive this thread further off and say
TAKE CARE AND PUSH ON THROUGH STEEL YOU CAN DO IT
Post by: Doktormartini on July 15, 2008, 02:43:15 am
Post by: Vellfire on July 15, 2008, 02:50:38 am
lol at least I back my stupid shit up with sources
that are not only biased horribly but you don't even read them and they often times conflict with what you are backing up with them
i like that every post you make that is obviously not going to go unnoticed have lol in them like that makes things okay
Post by: Aten on July 15, 2008, 02:51:22 am
Post by: maestroanth on July 15, 2008, 07:15:13 am
http://watch.ctv.ca/news/clip63507#clip63507 for the video clip.
This is the most promising trials of a new cancer cure using immunotherapy. Basically, (I remember seeing this as a teen on the news like 7 years ago about this dude finding a cancer-proof mouse, but seeing it again now made me very impressed the work that he has done) he isolated the granulocytes from the mouse and transfused them into tumor mice and found the 100% cure rate of cancer in mice.
The trials started early this month, but the FDA has approved the experiment, it is the most promising thing I've ever seen in cancer cures and other disease treaments. Pretty soon, we may have a cancer vaccine.
Post by: maestroanth on July 15, 2008, 07:48:04 am
I actually feel honored you would go through all that length for me. XD I-I'm finally being noticed at GW O_O people quoting my posts and everything lol
There are some 'truths' and some 'whem stuff' in a post like this.
Yes Vit C. and yadda w/e helps boost the immune system does work. And yes, it is usually the impaired immune system is what causes horrible diseases (and there are many proven things and many unproved that impair it). A lot of it is mainly genetic as well (despite nutrition). An impaired immune system pretty much is the 'cause' of any disease.
However, like saying aspartame causes cancer (and holistic sites are funny in this), http://www.rense.com/general77/lowdoses.htm
one site saying even 'low doses' that people drink daily when given to mice got cancer.............Ummmm....a dose of anything a human consumes daily to a mouse is lethal.
My grandparents (whom are both like been doing this for years) drank LOTS of diet pop, and never got cancer.....it's in the genes.
It's when you know doctors are being protocol dummies (or are being lazy) that you need a new opinion (from whomever).
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 15, 2008, 04:39:12 pm
http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/20080627/cancer_trial_080627/20080628/
http://watch.ctv.ca/news/clip63507#clip63507 for the video clip.
This is the most promising trials of a new cancer cure using immunotherapy. Basically, (I remember seeing this as a teen on the news like 7 years ago about this dude finding a cancer-proof mouse, but seeing it again now made me very impressed the work that he has done) he isolated the granulocytes from the mouse and transfused them into tumor mice and found the 100% cure rate of cancer in mice.
The trials started early this month, but the FDA has approved the experiment, it is the most promising thing I've ever seen in cancer cures and other disease treaments. Pretty soon, we may have a cancer vaccine.
yeah, I've heard a great deal about this stuff. also some olympic swimmer guy has this and is not getting it treated or something, those are basically the two pieces of news people have been funneling me.
this immunotherapy stuff would be tertiary care though, or after the chemo cycle if the tumor is still around. I'm going in about an hour to get my bleo done, but I've been feeling bad all day because I can REALLY feel the tumor today. the cocksucker is breathing with me, and that really really fucking grosses/stresses me out. I hope that means it's dying and not growing, but I feel really terrible today.
Post by: maestroanth on July 16, 2008, 07:07:04 am
I actually feel honored you would go through all that length for me. XD I-I'm finally being noticed at GW O_O people quoting my posts and everything lol
Don't feel too bad...America's health system sucks; it's a fact and many people here are too young to know it yet (or no really bad experience like in my case). I believe if people would step in on FDA approval on supplements and such, it can be better, but that would be financially inefficient (because of more protocol work). Plus, lets face it, the more tests that you get to PROPERLY diagnose something isn't cost efficient (especially with cheap insurances like from my school or medicare where they get much of their money from the drug companies), so I had to fix my thyroid myself by LOTS of research (And yes it took some careful OBJECTIVE symptom analysis after each supplement I took....magnesium ended up being a big no-no for me despite other thyroid suffer's advice, but calcium and iodized salt; not sea salt cuz that is high in magnesium a good yes-yes. My neck tissue cured up in a matter of a week. And my osteporisis shoulders dropped down 5 INCHES and stopped popping/crackling w/o pain and I can play the piano like a maestro again.
The calcium at the time had to come from fortified OJ since I was lactose intolerant at the time. I had a goiter and everything but these damn docs danced around the cattlepole just because my TSH was 'normal' (do research; there is horrible faults with this protocol; thus, why it is RIGHT to question cancer protocol).
If I didn't jump on the ball with my own stuff, I would have been disabled and had to quit school (MM). So to that, I say, thank God to the internet, but you have to be SMART with holistic practices.
Then like really GOOD insurances sent my girlfriend to the best doctors from near-death from all her problems as a baby and a 15 year-old and she is as healthy as a horse (only 110lb compared to one :P. (Her mom had to flip a finger to a LOT of MD's as well!!)
Just keep all this in mind is all I ask..
-Anth
Post by: maestroanth on July 16, 2008, 07:35:06 am
yeah, I've heard a great deal about this stuff. also some olympic swimmer guy has this and is not getting it treated or something, those are basically the two pieces of news people have been funneling me.
this immunotherapy stuff would be tertiary care though, or after the chemo cycle if the tumor is still around. I'm going in about an hour to get my bleo done, but I've been feeling bad all day because I can REALLY feel the tumor today. the cocksucker is breathing with me, and that really really fucking grosses/stresses me out. I hope that means it's dying and not growing, but I feel really terrible today.
Fuck, I don't mean to sound crude, but have they considered amputatation or is the tumor too big still? My grandma had thyroid surgery because of abnormal cells.
Have doctors be honest/up-to-date with you whats going on; that way you can choose your best course of treatment (it is your body) with objective knowledge?
Maybe the best course is injecting your own granulocytes (or a close healthy family member's) into that lame-ass tumor?
A young dude like you might have some good effects.
Best of luck man,
I'd want to be a doctor if I could afford to be.
Post by: maestroanth on July 16, 2008, 07:45:14 am
lol at least I back my stupid shit up with sources
But Pigs are yummy, and fix thyroid problems.....
(your pic)
-Anth
Post by: dragonx on July 16, 2008, 07:47:00 am
also, you seem like a smarter doktormartini
but still sound like doktormartini........
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 16, 2008, 01:40:39 pm
Fuck, I don't mean to sound crude, but have they considered amputatation or is the tumor too big still? My grandma had thyroid surgery because of abnormal cells.
Have doctors be honest/up-to-date with you whats going on; that way you can choose your best course of treatment (it is your body) with objective knowledge?
well we went to chemo first because the tumor is kind of in a bad area, near the lungs. plus, this type of tumor responds really well (ie: dies) from chemo alone a lot, and surgeries are always kind of riskier than chemo so.
yesterday's chemo was probably the worst yet. I slept so badly the night before because I kept feeling the tumor (the fucker was dancing), and then I took my atavan/valium when I woke up but they moved the chemo time to like 1 so by the time I got there it had kind of wore off. then the nurse couldn't get the portocath to function for a bit and she kept sucking at it with the needle and the sound nearly made me black out because it was so gross to listen to and that old urban legend about AIR IN THE VEINS came back and yeah I started feeling faint. luckily she got it working, but I was also nauseous all day until they put in the anti-emetics, at which point my mom got lunch but my sister ate all the waffle fries.
later in the day was good though, and I feel better today. we confirmed the CT scan about two weeks from now and we're also skipping that blood cell injection because my current blood levels are high so hopefully no bone days in the future, at least for a bit.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 19, 2008, 12:02:40 am
I'll update if they admit me or I not.
Post by: Vellfire on July 19, 2008, 12:05:20 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 19, 2008, 12:09:18 am
like if I had say OVERALL HOW HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING I'd say 7. there was one day that was like perfect, but then the next day whooooosh shoulder pain shit.
honestly if this topic isn't updating you can assume two things.
1. things are really good
2. things are really bad.
and obviously 2 is applicable when I'm not posting anywhere else because I am crying downstairs or something.
right now I'm kind of pissed off, I really hope they don't admit me but now I'm kind of scared because it sounds like they will!
fevers are a scary sideeffect, but as I clearly said earlier, my blood count WAS high on tuesday, hopefully this is just a passing thing.
Post by: ase on July 19, 2008, 01:35:51 am
p.s. i am making appointments to see a doctor this week for annual checkup but also to get some blood work done and whatnot. Also, I've been having back pain issues for the past year or two and it's getting worse so I'm going to get that checked up too.
p.p.s. i think i will also mention to the doctor that one time i lost my vision for 5 minutes
Post by: headphonics on July 19, 2008, 03:04:44 am
yeah, you can get a fever from pretty much anything, so hopefuly it's nothing serioussave it bud we dont care unless ya got cancer
p.s. i am making appointments to see a doctor this week for annual checkup but also to get some blood work done and whatnot. Also, I've been having back pain issues for the past year or two and it's getting worse so I'm going to get that checked up too.
p.p.s. i think i will also mention to the doctor that one time i lost my vision for 5 minutes
Post by: ase on July 19, 2008, 03:12:31 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 19, 2008, 04:37:13 pm
so i got mild pneumonia and then they checked my blood count, which went from 8000 to a whopping 300 so I'm in the hospital for some time, until this fever passes.
Post by: ThugTears666 on July 19, 2008, 04:43:41 pm
edit: which is pretty wierd over internet people but still!
Post by: Niitaka on July 19, 2008, 07:58:12 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 19, 2008, 10:19:25 pm
Post by: headphonics on July 19, 2008, 10:22:10 pm
Post by: goldenratio on July 19, 2008, 11:22:53 pm
whenever i go to the doctor for my asthma though a hot nurse always ends up giving me a shot in the ass... one time it was a dude but he was cool about it but yeah.
Post by: hima on July 20, 2008, 04:02:35 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 20, 2008, 09:30:10 am
Post by: GZ on July 20, 2008, 09:39:59 am
i am rooting for you pal (ie. your body will punch / kick all ails)
Post by: baseball19225 on July 20, 2008, 09:59:14 am
Post by: Sludgelord on July 20, 2008, 11:04:29 am
Post by: james_the_composer on July 20, 2008, 11:53:56 am
Post by: Vellfire on July 20, 2008, 12:14:14 pm
steel you qualify for a free copy of re-mission (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Re-Mission). you should probably take it.
oh man
Quote
Re-Mission is also believed to be the only game in which stool softener can be used as a weapon.
BELIEVED TO BE as if there are like...rumors of others or something
Post by: jamie on July 20, 2008, 12:17:47 pm
Quote
A scientific study[1] involving 375 cancer patients has shown that Re-Mission has a beneficial impact on the health of cancer patients who play the game.
finally, gaming attains it's rightful status as the elixir of life. a good day for gaming is a good day for all gamingkind.
Post by: Vellfire on July 20, 2008, 12:23:43 pm
GAMES CURE CANCER GAMES CURE CANCER
Post by: Alec on July 20, 2008, 12:33:50 pm
haha
Ben's Game (Click to reveal)
ABOUT BEN'S WISH
Ben Duskin, nine years old, is in remission from Leukemia. Throughout his course of treatment, Ben played computer games and began to think about the need to have something positive to help others kids battle their illnesses. Ben’s wish was to design a video game that would be helpful for kids like him who have cancer, a way to fight back and relieve some of the pain and stress involved with treatment. “The initial response was overwhelmingly pessimistic” said Patricia Wilson, Executive Director. “People told us this venture was nearly impossible without taking several years and literally millions of dollars.” A hero stepped forward: Eric Johnston, and his employer LucasArts fully supported his efforts. Not only did Eric want to make Ben's wish a reality, he planned to involve Ben in every step of the process. For months, Ben and Eric have been meeting on a regular basis to make the game just as Ben envisioned it.
Wilson added, “Eric and Ben achieved the impossible! Ben’s wish is inspiring, because it was selfless and – Ben is a philanthropist. Finding an angel like Eric Johnston was a miracle, and having the support of UCSF and his medical team was invaluable.”
Ben’s own physician, Dr. Seymour Zoger of UCSF Children’s Hospital served as a medical advisor for the game. USCF Children’s Hospital will serve as the first medical facility to install the game for its pediatric patients. “The science for Ben's game came largely from what Ben learned himself in the course of treatment” said Dr. Zoger.
ABOUT BEN'S GAME
The object of the game is to destroy all mutated cells and to collect the seven shields that provide protection from common side effects of chemotherapy. The shields are guarded by a “monster”:
• Colds - Iceman Monster
• Barf – Robarf Monster
• Chicken Pox –Big Chicken Monster
• Fever - Firemonster
• Bleeding – Vamp Monster
• Hair Loss – Qball Monster
• Rash – Tornado Monster
Three health levels serve as ammunition in the game:
• Health you get from the hospital
• Ammo you get from the pharmacy
• Attitude you get from home
ABOUT BETA 4 VERSION OF BEN'S GAME
Beta 4 is ready! (5/25/04)New features include:
•Auto-save to allow you to continue where you left off!
•More power at close range for the Sword!
•New triple-power shots for all weapons! Look out, they're crazy.
•Updated on-line instructions.
•A few bug fixes, thanks to you!
Have fun! Ben and Eric
Ben Duskin, nine years old, is in remission from Leukemia. Throughout his course of treatment, Ben played computer games and began to think about the need to have something positive to help others kids battle their illnesses. Ben’s wish was to design a video game that would be helpful for kids like him who have cancer, a way to fight back and relieve some of the pain and stress involved with treatment. “The initial response was overwhelmingly pessimistic” said Patricia Wilson, Executive Director. “People told us this venture was nearly impossible without taking several years and literally millions of dollars.” A hero stepped forward: Eric Johnston, and his employer LucasArts fully supported his efforts. Not only did Eric want to make Ben's wish a reality, he planned to involve Ben in every step of the process. For months, Ben and Eric have been meeting on a regular basis to make the game just as Ben envisioned it.
Wilson added, “Eric and Ben achieved the impossible! Ben’s wish is inspiring, because it was selfless and – Ben is a philanthropist. Finding an angel like Eric Johnston was a miracle, and having the support of UCSF and his medical team was invaluable.”
Ben’s own physician, Dr. Seymour Zoger of UCSF Children’s Hospital served as a medical advisor for the game. USCF Children’s Hospital will serve as the first medical facility to install the game for its pediatric patients. “The science for Ben's game came largely from what Ben learned himself in the course of treatment” said Dr. Zoger.
ABOUT BEN'S GAME
The object of the game is to destroy all mutated cells and to collect the seven shields that provide protection from common side effects of chemotherapy. The shields are guarded by a “monster”:
• Colds - Iceman Monster
• Barf – Robarf Monster
• Chicken Pox –Big Chicken Monster
• Fever - Firemonster
• Bleeding – Vamp Monster
• Hair Loss – Qball Monster
• Rash – Tornado Monster
Three health levels serve as ammunition in the game:
• Health you get from the hospital
• Ammo you get from the pharmacy
• Attitude you get from home
ABOUT BETA 4 VERSION OF BEN'S GAME
Beta 4 is ready! (5/25/04)New features include:
•Auto-save to allow you to continue where you left off!
•More power at close range for the Sword!
•New triple-power shots for all weapons! Look out, they're crazy.
•Updated on-line instructions.
•A few bug fixes, thanks to you!
Have fun! Ben and Eric
Quote
“The initial response was overwhelmingly pessimistic” said Patricia Wilson, Executive Director. “People told us this venture was nearly impossible without taking several years and literally millions of dollars.” A hero stepped forward: Eric Johnston, and his employer LucasArts fully supported his efforts. Not only did Eric want to make Ben's wish a reality, he planned to involve Ben in every step of the process. For months, Ben and Eric have been meeting on a regular basis to make the game just as Ben envisioned it.
It's funny because it's a game that would be at home in a one-week game maker contest or something.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 20, 2008, 11:15:10 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 21, 2008, 10:10:01 pm
okay so I more or less have beaten the pneumonia, my white count seems to be holding steady at 800 (not sure what I need to leave) but the pneumonia left some liquid in my chest that the doctor will probably want to either anti-biotic out or just suck out with a needle so I'm probably in here till Friday or Thursday.
suuuuucks, but don't worry about me, none of this is RISKY BIDNESS.
Post by: Ryan on July 21, 2008, 10:13:39 pm
Post by: ase on July 21, 2008, 10:18:43 pm
Post by: jamie on July 21, 2008, 10:35:38 pm
so people are making fun of you for writing mgs2 essays while you are sick in the hospital.
Post by: baseball19225 on July 21, 2008, 10:48:39 pm
steel you get over that pneumonia and i hope there's no more crap there.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 22, 2008, 03:01:09 pm
anyways, today I go in, they suck the fluid out, then I come back, and I have to be observed for 24 hours (get some cool injections in the meanwhile, including this one in my stomach that actually HURTS when it goes in). my white count is up to 2700 but 4000 is normal so IDEALLY I'll be outta here tomorrow, but more than likely, it's friday morning, meaning I will have spent the whole week in the hospital!
and the first thing I'm going to do at home is take a bath.
also I'll clarify like everything in this topic and what happened later; I can't seem to muster the energy to INTERNET as of late.
Post by: goldenratio on July 22, 2008, 05:04:16 pm
Post by: Niitaka on July 22, 2008, 07:40:51 pm
hah
Post by: Lars on July 22, 2008, 11:56:28 pm
Post by: Vellfire on July 22, 2008, 11:58:02 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on July 23, 2008, 12:06:38 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on July 23, 2008, 01:32:32 am
Post by: crone_lover720 on July 23, 2008, 03:55:28 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 23, 2008, 05:23:43 pm
bad news: still in here till friday the earliest NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my blood pressure is apparently too low.
Post by: Chubby Skelly on July 23, 2008, 05:59:07 pm
ok good news: wbc is up to like 8000, and my tumor was finally compared to the old scan and it's not only smaller but "looks like it's dying" w00t
bad news: still in here till friday the earliest NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my blood pressure is apparently too low.
I realize I'm not the one still sitting in the hospital right now but man that good news outweighs that bad news so much that I'd probably get up and dance if I were you!
Post by: goldenratio on July 23, 2008, 06:00:37 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on July 23, 2008, 06:42:27 pm
ok good news: wbc is up to like 8000, and my tumor was finally compared to the old scan and it's not only smaller but "looks like it's dying" w00tgood work. cancer sucks!
bad news: still in here till friday the earliest NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my blood pressure is apparently too low.
Post by: maladroithim on July 23, 2008, 07:23:28 pm
ok good news: wbc is up to like 8000, and my tumor was finally compared to the old scan and it's not only smaller but "looks like it's dying" w00t
bad news: still in here till friday the earliest NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO my blood pressure is apparently too low.
Man Steel that is awesome news. It really brightens my day (seriously I have been worried about you lot internet stranger lol)!
Post by: dada on July 23, 2008, 08:32:19 pm
Post by: goldenratio on July 23, 2008, 08:34:35 pm
Post by: fatty on July 23, 2008, 08:38:51 pm
Post by: Bisse on July 23, 2008, 09:25:57 pm
ok good news: wbc is up to like 8000, and my tumor was finally compared to the old scan and it's not only smaller but "looks like it's dying" w00t:woop:
Post by: Death Gulp on July 23, 2008, 09:31:56 pm
Post by: HL on July 23, 2008, 09:35:03 pm
when you beat the cancer you better rejoin staff.......we got a special membergroup waiting for you...
Post by: Abelone on July 23, 2008, 10:00:32 pm
Post by: Lars on July 23, 2008, 10:29:15 pm
Post by: Niitaka on July 23, 2008, 10:32:12 pm
whoo
Post by: big ass skelly on July 23, 2008, 10:48:20 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on July 23, 2008, 11:13:08 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on July 24, 2008, 01:29:21 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 24, 2008, 06:05:05 pm
Post by: HL on July 24, 2008, 06:06:36 pm
I'm just glad you're okay. :D
Post by: dada on July 24, 2008, 07:07:56 pm
Post by: Shepperd on July 24, 2008, 07:21:41 pm
Post by: ase on July 24, 2008, 07:39:59 pm
Download RPG maker and start working on a game in which you travel through the human body to fight cancer.i was thinking this exact thought today, except I imagined it to be a GZ creation in Game Maker
Post by: goldenratio on July 24, 2008, 07:44:27 pm
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/24779/biggunlighttanfe5.png)
Post by: fatty on July 24, 2008, 08:08:39 pm
Post by: goldenratio on July 24, 2008, 08:10:43 pm
Post by: fatty on July 24, 2008, 08:37:39 pm
he has cancer! he can't help it!albinism<>cancer
Post by: WIP on July 25, 2008, 05:21:51 am
And that is very good news about the tumor.
Post by: headphonics on July 25, 2008, 05:41:15 am
Post by: pburn on July 25, 2008, 06:59:11 am
Download RPG maker and start working on a game in which you travel through the human body to fight cancer.Actually some kid who had cancer, through the make a wish foundation, wanted to make a video game. So him and some game designer made that same exact game concept.
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on July 25, 2008, 07:50:48 am
Post by: Drevean on July 25, 2008, 08:09:12 am
I always thought you were kind of a bitch, but fuck it... My best is with you because my cousin died at 21 from cancer, and my gramps is going through something fierce currently. I know what it's like to lose a close one, so I'll throw you in there by name when I'm praying in my own way.
Oh yeah, and you CAN get a lung removed and live with just one. But it'll definately limit your every activity... Use it as a last resort if your doctor thinks it may be spreading.
Post by: Alec on July 25, 2008, 11:32:49 pm
Quote
Actually some kid who had cancer, through the make a wish foundation, wanted to make a video game. So him and some game designer made that same exact game concept.
I posted that less than a page ago. It was some chump at Lucas Arts who teamed up with him. And the kid didn't die, and was in remission when they started the game, so I don't know why they contacted Make A Wish, other than the fact that some people think MAKING SHITTY GAMES IS REALLY HARD for some reason.
Ben's Game (http://www.makewish.org/site/pp.asp?c=cvLRKaO4E&b=64401)
hahaBen's Game (Click to reveal)ABOUT BEN'S WISH
Ben Duskin, nine years old, is in remission from Leukemia. Throughout his course of treatment, Ben played computer games and began to think about the need to have something positive to help others kids battle their illnesses. Ben’s wish was to design a video game that would be helpful for kids like him who have cancer, a way to fight back and relieve some of the pain and stress involved with treatment. “The initial response was overwhelmingly pessimistic” said Patricia Wilson, Executive Director. “People told us this venture was nearly impossible without taking several years and literally millions of dollars.” A hero stepped forward: Eric Johnston, and his employer LucasArts fully supported his efforts. Not only did Eric want to make Ben's wish a reality, he planned to involve Ben in every step of the process. For months, Ben and Eric have been meeting on a regular basis to make the game just as Ben envisioned it.
Wilson added, “Eric and Ben achieved the impossible! Ben’s wish is inspiring, because it was selfless and – Ben is a philanthropist. Finding an angel like Eric Johnston was a miracle, and having the support of UCSF and his medical team was invaluable.”
Ben’s own physician, Dr. Seymour Zoger of UCSF Children’s Hospital served as a medical advisor for the game. USCF Children’s Hospital will serve as the first medical facility to install the game for its pediatric patients. “The science for Ben's game came largely from what Ben learned himself in the course of treatment” said Dr. Zoger.
ABOUT BEN'S GAME
The object of the game is to destroy all mutated cells and to collect the seven shields that provide protection from common side effects of chemotherapy. The shields are guarded by a “monster”:
• Colds - Iceman Monster
• Barf – Robarf Monster
• Chicken Pox –Big Chicken Monster
• Fever - Firemonster
• Bleeding – Vamp Monster
• Hair Loss – Qball Monster
• Rash – Tornado Monster
Three health levels serve as ammunition in the game:
• Health you get from the hospital
• Ammo you get from the pharmacy
• Attitude you get from home
ABOUT BETA 4 VERSION OF BEN'S GAME
Beta 4 is ready! (5/25/04)New features include:
•Auto-save to allow you to continue where you left off!
•More power at close range for the Sword!
•New triple-power shots for all weapons! Look out, they're crazy.
•Updated on-line instructions.
•A few bug fixes, thanks to you!
Have fun! Ben and Eric
It's funny because it's a game that would be at home in a one-week game maker contest or something.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 26, 2008, 02:51:10 pm
Post by: fatty on July 26, 2008, 08:51:06 pm
i just got home, but i still feel pretty shit, will update soon on what went on.Welcome home, man.
Post by: GZ on July 26, 2008, 09:07:54 pm
cancer never stood a chance.
edit:
idea: preemptively put up a mission accomplished banner
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 26, 2008, 10:49:18 pm
anyways, basically I was running a fever on Friday which turned out to be pneumonia which took some time to treat. in the meantime the pneumonia leaked fluid which I had to have extracted and the fluid had been compressing my lungs so breathing became hard to do. I also went to ICU for some reason, low blood pressure that immediately righted itself on admission to the ICU. Then there was a blood clot in my neck that had to be dealt with. basically it was a very shitty week with lots and lots of tests.
Post by: SupremeWarrior on July 27, 2008, 12:15:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 27, 2008, 03:04:43 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on July 27, 2008, 03:28:37 pm
Post by: Bisse on July 27, 2008, 07:23:08 pm
People are apparently disgusted with me for my last post in this thread. I apologize if my post came off overly dickish and uncaring.Well I dunno man, "You are a piece of shit person" is a pretty good way to say you care rite?!? :gwa:
And holy shit blood clot in your neck, that's a good fucking thing they found it and got rid of it before some kind of shit came of it! In the neck, that could have gone right up into your brain and messed you up good if they hadn't found it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 27, 2008, 09:24:03 pm
haaaargh.
it's still there, but I'm on a blood thinner that will get rid of it eventually (in like months). clots are always dangerous things though, to be sure.
edit: might as well edit the topic title to reflect the news.
basically we compared the old cat scan of the tumor to the new one. while it hasn't shown any shrinkage, it is showing severe signs of necrotization. this means the tumor is dying very badly, and has been hurt by the chemo. in further good news, my tumor marker was previously at 20000, and is now at 2000. this is basically the way they check if the tumor is alive, so a drop to a tenth of the number is good news!
Post by: Cheesy Doritos on July 29, 2008, 12:51:05 am
Post by: ase on July 29, 2008, 01:05:09 am
either way, glad to hear it!
Post by: goldenratio on July 29, 2008, 01:57:59 am
Post by: hima on July 29, 2008, 02:11:46 am
Post by: Randy Moist on July 29, 2008, 04:57:36 am
Post by: Bisse on July 29, 2008, 09:50:27 am
thanks for that horrifying bit of information when every doc told me it was routine and they saw them all the time.Oh, I thought they removed it already! But yeah, afaik from when gramps had a bunch of 'em, once they found it there is no danger at all anymore, it's only a risk if you don't know it's there.[/Dr McBloodClotExpert] But yeah tbh I don't know shit besides gramps' ramblings.
haaaargh.
Also if you can be arsed / have the will power / steel-in' juice to respond, what does it mean the tumor is dying? Like when it dies will it just, disappear or will it have to be removed surgically? Does making it die make it safer to operate it out?
Post by: ThugTears666 on July 29, 2008, 09:53:57 am
Post by: big ass skelly on July 29, 2008, 11:37:08 am
Post by: maestroanth on July 29, 2008, 11:47:43 am
so wait, if the tumor is techinically still the same size, i'm guessing "necrotization" refers to some sort of percentage or count of malignant cells in the tumor mass?
either way, glad to hear it!
He just said 20,000 to 2000
What those numbers mean, non-specified.
Hopefully it means that......
Post by: Cheshire Cat on July 29, 2008, 12:15:54 pm
Post by: Wash Cycle on July 29, 2008, 02:32:30 pm
so wait, if the tumor is techinically still the same size, i'm guessing "necrotization" refers to some sort of percentage or count of malignant cells in the tumor mass?probably just refers to what percentage of the mass of the tumor is actually dead tissue just chillin
either way, glad to hear it!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 02, 2008, 08:40:50 pm
I've been getting a few PMs that aren't related to this topic. like, proofread x, check y, that kind of stuff. I haven't replied to like any of them, but it's not because I want to be RUDE or anything. my right hand has two fingers that essentially don't work; the tumor has pushed up on my shoulder, which is pinching a nerve (the same one in your funny bone) and so I can't type anything of length. this post is one of the longest I've made in a while. it's just too irritating to have to jump my fingers around for a post. so if I don't reply to your PM, don't take it personal; I just can't really type at length for anything.
anyway, chemo starts up again on Monday, a five day one. W00T.
Post by: Parker on August 02, 2008, 09:08:30 pm
Post by: Pasty on August 04, 2008, 05:04:05 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 11, 2008, 01:20:54 am
on the negative side I have such bad diarheaa today :( JOKES I know but it's near intolerable, my stomach is killing me.
anyways, one month to go huh. tomorrow is a white blood cell injection, and tuesday is another 30 min chemo. just finished up one of the week ones, and I feel miserable HOORAY. this is such a bad time. and now Isaac Hayes is dead!
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on August 11, 2008, 06:25:14 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 11, 2008, 07:08:31 pm
today has been a somewhat bad day. nothing like yesterday but I just feel bad in general. chemo sucks.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 19, 2008, 06:37:00 pm
it'll apparently be like two months before I feel back up to 100% again, but I can't wait to start feeling better.
Post by: Vale on August 19, 2008, 06:58:03 pm
Cancer doesn't stand a chance against internet tough guys ;)
Post by: dada on August 19, 2008, 07:06:11 pm
Post by: ase on August 19, 2008, 07:44:54 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 20, 2008, 01:52:38 am
by "possibly surgery," are you saying that after chemo is over and successful, they could possibly choose to leave your now-smaller benign tumor in you?
yes, but unlikely. apparently cure chances go up with surgery even with fully necrotized tumors so I'll probably have to do it anyways, which makes me nervous since it is SURGERY and all surgeries are scary.
Post by: Bled on August 20, 2008, 01:54:36 am
Post by: maestroanth on August 20, 2008, 08:46:00 pm
yes, but unlikely. apparently cure chances go up with surgery even with fully necrotized tumors so I'll probably have to do it anyways, which makes me nervous since it is SURGERY and all surgeries are scary.
Well at least you don't have to get both your tits removed......
'i.e. Christina Applegate reference'
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 21, 2008, 01:55:02 pm
When they take it out will you get to keep it in a jar and torture it for years?I considered this until I realized how gross it was.
also here's a FUN FACT from the American Cancer Society: half of men and one third of women will get cancer in their lifetimes. most of these will occur after the age of 55, but still, jesus christ.
HALF THE PEOPLE IN THIS TOPIC WILL GET CANCER asdadsffffffffffff
Post by: big ass skelly on August 21, 2008, 02:13:30 pm
also here's a FUN FACT from the American Cancer Society: half of men and one third of women will get cancer in their lifetimes. most of these will occur after the age of 55, but still, jesus christ.waaaaat?
Post by: Carrion Crow on August 21, 2008, 02:15:46 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on August 22, 2008, 12:38:18 am
Post by: Lars on August 22, 2008, 01:08:16 am
When they take it out will you get to keep it in a jar and torture it for years?I'd leave it inside, as to send a pretty clear message to any other potential tumor.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 29, 2008, 01:47:00 pm
almost over!
my aunt is leaving for India on Sunday tho, so that will be some extra stress at home but I'm pretty psyched/nervouse about being done with this shit.
Post by: jamie on August 29, 2008, 01:55:31 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on August 29, 2008, 01:58:36 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 29, 2008, 03:09:17 pm
so will you be feeling any better with the shorter bouts of chemo? i'm glad to see you seem more optimistic now.
it always feels better with shorter bouts, but I won't be up to 100% for some time. the nausea is particularly bad today, I can't wait till I can go home and lie down.
Post by: Barack Obama on September 06, 2008, 05:25:32 am
Post by: tomohawkjoe on September 06, 2008, 05:36:33 pm
EDIT: and fuck you cancer!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 06, 2008, 07:16:09 pm
edit: its actually not that i feel sick but that i am, my whole family has a cold. luckily its not too bad, but this sucks.
Post by: dada on September 07, 2008, 09:16:12 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 09, 2008, 08:21:10 pm
In a week is a CAT scan and two weeks later is a PET scan and then we'll see about surgery et al, but CHEMO IS OVER. Christ, I'm happy.
Post by: Pasty on September 09, 2008, 08:21:50 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 09, 2008, 08:26:09 pm
Post by: ase on September 09, 2008, 08:28:32 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on September 09, 2008, 08:29:57 pm
Post by: Fire Mage on September 09, 2008, 08:41:32 pm
Post by: dada on September 09, 2008, 08:43:47 pm
Congrats from the cloudy(get it) Netherlands!
Post by: tuxedo marx on September 09, 2008, 08:44:20 pm
good show
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 09, 2008, 08:47:35 pm
CAT scan. PET scan. What's up with these acronyms, anyway?
Congrats from the cloudy(get it) Netherlands!
cat scan will check to see if there's anything there, where as pet scans check to see if what's there is alive.
Post by: dada on September 09, 2008, 08:48:02 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 09, 2008, 09:06:42 pm
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/oblio%20269.JPG)
blobface...
the dots and shit are all chemo scars, not acne w00t CHEMO RULES.
Post by: goldenratio on September 09, 2008, 09:13:56 pm
man its over though that must feel so good. glorious news!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 09, 2008, 09:15:10 pm
Post by: goldenratio on September 09, 2008, 09:16:06 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 09, 2008, 09:24:21 pm
also I thought the res was set smaller oh well.
Post by: goldenratio on September 09, 2008, 09:45:32 pm
not that you are sad but its saddening
Post by: Ryan on September 09, 2008, 10:08:14 pm
on the other hand knowing you're finally done with chemo is awesome!
Post by: elkalo on September 09, 2008, 11:37:12 pm
HP: 1000
MP:100
CANCER
HP:1
MP:???
Steel uses gut-punch.
Cancer loses.
Post by: Lars on September 09, 2008, 11:57:49 pm
Post by: Bill Murray on September 10, 2008, 12:03:01 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on September 10, 2008, 12:06:19 am
Post by: baseball19225 on September 10, 2008, 02:23:51 am
Post by: Sludgelord on September 10, 2008, 02:32:34 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 10, 2008, 02:22:10 pm
man, it's good you're done with chemo. so what does this mean now? pet scans and possible surgery, but you're pretty much just waiting it out now, right? also your head is bumpy as shit.
if you mean the little bumps, welcome to the wonderful world of chemo sideeffects. part of the reason everyone wears hats and wigs is because you don't get a COOL SHAVED HEAD for very long, you get chemo burns and all sorts of nasty shit. my left hand is COVERED in burns, I might take a pic because its crazy looking.
also I lost at least ten pounds if not more. it's all muscle and stuff that I lost too because I still have a stomach. it sucks!
yeah I just wait now for the scan results. I'm planning on having a party at the end of all this stuff but for now it's just recovering. apparently I underwent one of the hardest chemotherapies (the cisplatin makes it so) so I need the time; I threw up yesterday.
Post by: ase on September 10, 2008, 03:14:23 pm
christmas (??), birthday, end-of-chemo-anniversary
Post by: Carrion Crow on September 10, 2008, 03:24:54 pm
Another reason for cake is always good.
Post by: maladroithim on September 10, 2008, 03:58:13 pm
Post by: Vale on September 10, 2008, 04:45:50 pm
(haha nerd joke)
Post by: dada on September 10, 2008, 05:27:22 pm
Hidden content (Click to reveal)(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/57278/oblio%20269.JPG)
blobface...
the dots and shit are all chemo scars, not acne w00t CHEMO RULES.
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/eclectech.co.uk/b3ta/eggface4.jpeg)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 10, 2008, 05:30:07 pm
Does this mean you have won??
not till after surgery (if I have it) and then there's a chance of recurrence. the year after cancer is almost tougher than the cancer diagnosis because every pain and cough makes you horribly scared and depressed DID IT COME BACK etc.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on September 10, 2008, 05:34:54 pm
I'm genuinely proud and happy about this.
Post by: the bloddy ghost on September 11, 2008, 02:50:27 am
My fiance's dad is suffering with renal cancer... and her whole family is taking it hard.
he was living with his mother, but he's now in hospis because he was losing weight dramatically and could not keep food down. The doctors said that chemo would not be an effective treatment for him, because of his kind of cancer, and that the only way they can extend his life is if they get surgery. Before they do that however, they have to get him back up to a certain weight. there's a five percent chance he will not make it through the surgery, but he'd rather take that chance than suffer for five years.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 12, 2008, 02:18:26 pm
anyways I threw up today, which sucks because it's been about four days since my last chemo. side effects blow.
just a small rant here: cancer really sucks. treating it sucks. being AFRAID of it sucks. I was doing okay with the fear thing until I read a comic book of all things (the book was the 52 series) and a character died of cancer. I forgot its a painful death. that's horrible! I'm 22, I don't want to die in pain or hopped up on morphine. I don't want to EVER die, but I really don't want to die like that.
this Indian guy we knew who worked with the church was on life support and he died a few days ago; he chose to disconnect his life support. he was 70+ years old and I still don't think I could make that decision at that age. I love life.
basically rightnow you are all privy to one of the deadlier side effects of cancer, which is that apparently cancer survivors have a higher rate of depression and suicide than other people. this shit is just too scary and awful for words sometimes.
so quit smoking guys. I like all of you too much to want any of you to go through this. there were days I haven't talked about in this topic, days of just INSANE NAUSEA, the kind where you throw up everything and can't eat and there's this BURN in your throat. there was one day where I ODd on some medicine or something and I had SLOW SEIZURES. do you know how scary that is? your arm just wants to lift and it becomes harder and harder to push it down and you don't have control over your body as it just slowly kind of seizes up.
I'll probably be okay, I don't want anyone to read this and be like HES DOOMED. I'm scared of surgery, because I had a friend whose mom died on the bed during a routine surgery, but other than that, I've maybe BEATEN CANCER (maybe, the scans will say more). but this was a terrible fucking time.
Post by: Bisse on September 12, 2008, 02:57:45 pm
is there any chance of some of your hair growing back or does chemo kill it for good?I'm pretty sure it only falls off temporarily. A friend's mom had cancer a few years ago and went through therapy, but when I saw her like half a year ago it had all grown back.
Post by: big ass skelly on September 12, 2008, 03:15:10 pm
Before chemo he had kind of scraggly straight hair but after chemo he grew masses and masses of curly locks
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 12, 2008, 03:26:13 pm
no real reason its just somehow sadder to be without eyebrows.
Post by: jamie on September 12, 2008, 03:34:10 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 12, 2008, 03:55:40 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on September 12, 2008, 04:01:31 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on September 12, 2008, 04:11:10 pm
I miss my eyebrows more than hair.
no real reason its just somehow sadder to be without eyebrows.
my roommate is an indian guy who shaved his own head last year and thought 'hm, having eyebrows and no hair looks weird!' so he shaved his own eyebrows.
you are not alone
also you look loads better with chemo scars and no hair than he did with no hair
also congrats on getting through chemo dude. but we all knew you'd get through it!
Post by: Mince Wobley on September 12, 2008, 09:59:52 pm
Post by: pburn on September 12, 2008, 10:08:02 pm
Congrats though, glad you pulled through. You're not a Gaming World hero.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on September 12, 2008, 10:12:07 pm
Treg is lying, you look sick and depressed in that picture
haha you have no idea how terrible my roommate looked
Post by: headphonics on September 12, 2008, 11:22:50 pm
Post by: dada on September 12, 2008, 11:31:53 pm
is your friend.....kanye westWrite him a letter, tell him you had cancer and that his music helped you through it. What didn't kill you made you stronger. See if he replies.
Post by: pburn on September 12, 2008, 11:41:34 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on September 13, 2008, 01:19:09 am
Post by: Randy Moist on September 13, 2008, 02:32:44 am
I know shit can be pretty tough in the next year(s?) still but it's good to get through chemo. I remember my brother doing a lot better pretty quickly after he got surgery (and he was a lot younger than you) so hope it's similar for you.
Post by: dada on September 13, 2008, 08:32:08 am
yeah, india is pretty close to koreaUse this to prove you have foreign policy experience in case the question ever arises.
Post by: halibabica on September 13, 2008, 10:53:27 am
dude (Click to reveal)
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/56687/chemo.PNG)
GW's here for you, Steel. Never forget it!
Post by: Carrion Crow on September 13, 2008, 11:48:33 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 13, 2008, 01:48:02 pm
what did that link to, rogaine?
Post by: DoctorEars on September 13, 2008, 02:22:02 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 13, 2008, 08:30:08 pm
Post by: jamie on September 13, 2008, 10:58:03 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 13, 2008, 10:59:15 pm
Post by: fatty on September 13, 2008, 11:13:19 pm
You'll get back on your feet eventually(and hopefully very soon)!
Post by: Death Gulp on September 13, 2008, 11:58:27 pm
Post by: Hundley on September 14, 2008, 03:00:34 am
so quit smoking guys.ok
thanks in large part to these events i am sitting beside 220 pieces of nicotine gum that were given to me for free by the 1800QUITNOW hotline. haven't had the nerve to try them yet, but i'm going to in the next couple days. i hope it works, but i'm afeared. :(
THANKS A LOT PAL i was having a perfectly nice time with these carcinogens until you came along and took away the rest of their fun
other than that, i'm bummed that i haven't gotten a chance to really talk to you through this ordeal. i think i talked to you once on aim a few months back, and then briefly on irc a week or two ago, but that's really it. not that it would have made much difference, but i'd like to think that i was able to help make your life less shitty in some way.
shit i never know what to say in response to things this enormous. i hope you're getting better and aren't in absolute misery.
also if it's any consolation, i don't think bald is a bad look for you. no-eyebrows obviously is, but bald not so much. bald+eyebrows+beard and you will be FIERCE[have ][/have]
Post by: Shepperd on September 14, 2008, 03:02:42 am
go you, steel
go monk
Post by: Moriason on September 14, 2008, 05:02:01 am
Post by: Niitaka on September 15, 2008, 05:47:59 am
By that I don't mean YESSS I CAN READ MORE STEEL POSTS but it tells me that you are feeling well enough sometimes to actually reply to posts.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 15, 2008, 02:01:15 pm
meaning I was in too much pain to even POSTR ON GAMING WORLD. think about how little effort that requires.
chemo sucks...
CAT scan tomorrow!
Post by: Niitaka on September 16, 2008, 06:50:13 am
Is it going to be a full body scan (just to make sure it show up somewhere else) or of your chest?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 16, 2008, 01:15:30 pm
I haven't gone yet btw!!!
Post by: datamanc3r on September 18, 2008, 03:29:16 am
STEELGlad you got through that, damn man. I couldn't imagine what went through your mind when your doctor told you you had cancer.
HP: 1000
MP:100
CANCER
HP:1
MP:???
Steel uses gut-punch.
Cancer loses.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 18, 2008, 08:17:15 pm
before chemo: 20,000
midway through: 2,000
day after chemo: 94
this means its reduced even further in the time since. so looks like chemo worked! too bad I'm probably having the surgery but hey, at least we have good news.
I'M NOT GOING TO DIE OF CANCER MAYBE???
Post by: Moriason on September 18, 2008, 09:30:19 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on September 18, 2008, 09:33:56 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on September 18, 2008, 11:31:06 pm
Post by: Ryan on September 18, 2008, 11:40:09 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on September 19, 2008, 01:33:09 am
Post by: Jeff on September 19, 2008, 03:49:02 am
use this opportunity to get back into shape young man!you can even do it THE GAMER WAY just like carius
Post by: headphonics on September 19, 2008, 04:26:21 am
Post by: DoctorEars on September 19, 2008, 04:34:10 am
Post by: jamie on September 19, 2008, 04:40:29 am
seriously.
AGAIN.
Post by: Hundley on September 19, 2008, 12:15:44 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 19, 2008, 02:03:50 pm
use this opportunity to get back into shape young man!
I'm still not 100%; the nausea comes and goes, and I threw up yesterday. plus it would be better to do exercise after surgery because then the mass that is over my lungs would be gone entirely and I might be able to go up and down stairs without gasping.
this is verygood also i have not had cigarette in 24 hours if i could i would bite the rest of your cancer out and eat it
EAT YOUR LONGPIG LIKE A GOOD DELMON.
Post by: Ryan on September 19, 2008, 03:17:25 pm
I'm still not 100%; the nausea comes and goes, and I threw up yesterday. plus it would be better to do exercise after surgery because then the mass that is over my lungs would be gone entirely and I might be able to go up and down stairs without gasping.
so there is still a lump of dead cancer cells sitting on your lungs? that sucks :(
Post by: PTizzle on September 19, 2008, 03:24:32 pm
ok
thanks in large part to these events i am sitting beside 220 pieces of nicotine gum that were given to me for free by the 1800QUITNOW hotline. haven't had the nerve to try them yet, but i'm going to in the next couple days. i hope it works, but i'm afeared. :(
THANKS A LOT PAL i was having a perfectly nice time with these carcinogens until you came along and took away the rest of their fun
What the fuuuuck i have been paying heaps for nicotine gum for weeks. I need to get onto this.
Also sweet news Steel.
Post by: Death Gulp on September 19, 2008, 04:54:17 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on September 20, 2008, 04:34:19 pm
Post by: Lord Kamina on September 20, 2008, 04:44:29 pm
Also Steel and for other people too:
Teratomas are basically fetal cell tumors, they form during gestation when cells fail to differentiate or migrate properly and when they go malignant they usually differentiate into all kinds of shit (I've seen pictures of removed teratomas containing skin, hair and teeth)
Well, if what you have is a teratoma... That would very probably and pretty much explain the whole "testicular cancer in lungs" thing.
Anyway, good luck and keep getting better... A big part of it is actually wanting to go through it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 20, 2008, 04:47:37 pm
also I got the results today, as in the actual numbers etc, and the tumor barely shrank. luckily the tumor markers indicate it's mostly dead, which is far more important but I've never had a surgery in my life so I'm scared still.
Post by: goldenratio on September 20, 2008, 04:49:17 pm
this surgery will probably be of the type where they put you to sleep with massive amounts of sedatives and they make a relatively small incision in your chest to remove the tumor, right? im sure thats been done thousands of times before, so hopefully everything will go smoothly and they can get most of it out.
Post by: Ryan on September 20, 2008, 05:07:38 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on September 20, 2008, 05:11:54 pm
Post by: goldenratio on September 20, 2008, 05:23:03 pm
that question was not harsh at all he had FUCKING CANCER you think opening a chest cavity is going to be too much? grow up you guys.
fascists.
Post by: ase on September 20, 2008, 05:33:53 pm
Post by: Ryan on September 20, 2008, 05:37:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 20, 2008, 05:47:53 pm
mod edit: this is what gr was trying to say:
this surgery will probably be of the type where they put you to sleep with massive amounts of sedatives and they make a relatively small incision in your chest to remove the tumor, right? im sure thats been done thousands of times before, so hopefully everything will go smoothly and they can get most of it out.
basically there are three options that i know of. first is the whole CUT OPEN YOUR CHEST thing, so I'm not looking forward to that. what you seem to be talking about is a thorascopy, which is much safer and yeah a very small incision. the third option is the davinci robot, which is an even smaller incision and thus the safest option. however idk if I can even qualify for that who knows! there's a da vinci over at UNC so there's one close by...
Post by: goldenratio on September 20, 2008, 06:17:54 pm
Post by: Lars on September 20, 2008, 07:00:21 pm
When this topic is over should i move it to feces or awesome topics?? on one hand steel got cancer but on the other hand he.. defeated it.jone forum imo
Post by: goldenratio on September 20, 2008, 07:03:02 pm
Post by: RPG on September 20, 2008, 07:33:28 pm
Post by: Aten on September 20, 2008, 09:05:08 pm
Post by: datamanc3r on September 21, 2008, 06:09:37 am
When this topic is over should i move it to feces or awesome topics?? on one hand steel got cancer but on the other hand he.. defeated it.
So you're saying you'd put it in feces if he didn't? Or would you put it in awesome topics? :tsk:
Post by: baseball19225 on September 21, 2008, 06:32:28 am
When this topic is over should i move it to feces or awesome topics?? on one hand steel got cancer but on the other hand he.. defeated it.comics & anime
Post by: GirlBones on September 21, 2008, 09:16:09 am
you should become a world famous rapper and then after you've put out two or three albums you can make an emotional single about beating cancer
if your star is fading you should make it a duet with ashanti
Post by: baseball19225 on September 21, 2008, 01:26:38 pm
yeah!soulja boy already addressed the issue when he mentioned rap cancer
you should become a world famous rapper and then after you've put out two or three albums you can make an emotional single about beating cancer
if your star is fading you should make it a duet with ashanti
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 21, 2008, 07:22:46 pm
whats the deal with people looking completely freaked out when I joke about this shit?
like we ran into a girl and her friend that we knew on the street and there was this awkward pause for something at which point I inserted in my best Homer voice "I have cancer" and everyone laughed except the girl's friend who looked HORRIFIED and not in a "oh my god I'm so sorry" way but in a "GOOD HEAVENS HOW DARE YOU".
I mean it was clear I wasn't LYING (I have NO FUCKING HAIR ON MY FACE) and that at least something is wrong with me but there are certain people who just think I should not make jokes about it at all but I think it is fodder for many jokes. I mean it scares the shit out of me because I could have died etc but at the same time I'm not going to stop joking about shit! Idk people are stupid.
when I ran into a friend at the bubble tea shop and he was like "whatd you do this summer" and I said "GOT CANCER" he nodded and said "I was wondering about that!" this seems like a much better reaction than abject horror at self deprecation.
also Chef: I recently got 300 bucks from an Indian person who made me and my mom promise I'd spend it on something fun like a trip so I'll come up there sometime and this time...have money!!!
Post by: Death Gulp on September 21, 2008, 07:26:19 pm
not like
dude: "hey fuck you man"
you: "fuck you too"
dude "at least i didnt get cancer" kinda thing
Post by: Seawed on September 21, 2008, 08:20:56 pm
Post by: Lord Kamina on September 21, 2008, 11:09:55 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 22, 2008, 01:12:41 pm
You'll probably get a laparoscopy, most non-major and even some major surgeries are done this way nowadays...
yeah, I mentioned that. its called a thorascopy when its done in the chest.
Post by: Vellfire on September 22, 2008, 01:15:39 pm
when I ran into a friend at the bubble tea shop and he was like "whatd you do this summer" and I said "GOT CANCER" he nodded and said "I was wondering about that!" this seems like a much better reaction than abject horror at self deprecation.
i thought this was really funny
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 23, 2008, 03:06:55 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 04:23:51 pm
(12:17:29) The Steve: oh?
(12:17:29) Edgar: went to see the surgeon today
(12:17:41) Edgar: one of the lymph nodes in my system looks active with cancer
(12:17:49) Edgar: while the rest look dead or dying
(12:17:52) Edgar: and the bad news is
(12:18:10) Edgar: 1. they can't remove all the masses because part of it is located on a vein and it would be dangerous
(12:18:14) Edgar: so that will have to stay
(12:18:30) Edgar: and 2. that active lymph node might be pneumonia, but he's pretty sure it's cancer
(12:18:35) Edgar: which means additional chemo
(12:18:43) Edgar: and a much lower cure rate
(12:18:59) Edgar: i have not explained tihs to my mom who i think will faint!
(12:19:09) Edgar: but yeah not the best news
(12:19:21) The Steve: you might want to explain it with your doc. i'm really sorry :(
(12:19:34) Edgar: its possible that it's pneumonia
(12:19:39) Edgar: my tumor marker is low
(12:19:50) Edgar: and my lung shows left over pneumonia
(12:20:04) Edgar: but he can't say for sure until surgery
(12:20:19) Edgar: where he can check what he removes to see if it's cancer
(12:20:55) The Steve: you might want to wait until surgery until telling your mom... i'm just not sure, she'd probably freak out pretty bad
(12:20:58) Edgar: still, he said it's probably cancer
(12:21:05) Edgar: which means more chemo
so yeah...bad fuckin news on that front. the cure rate of 50% was for chemo and surgery...if we're doing additional chemo, that cure rate just dropped.
fuck I don't want to die.
Post by: goldenratio on September 26, 2008, 04:41:48 pm
Post by: Hundley on September 26, 2008, 04:54:42 pm
Post by: Vellfire on September 26, 2008, 04:58:11 pm
fffffffffffffffffffffff
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 05:03:41 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on September 26, 2008, 05:17:41 pm
fifty got shot nine times and he's still kickin it..... two tumours ain't gonna blow you down
Post by: Carrion Crow on September 26, 2008, 05:31:26 pm
Randomly related fact: My real first name is Edgar and not Eddie.
Post by: dada on September 26, 2008, 05:33:48 pm
Be strong, man!
Post by: local_dunce on September 26, 2008, 06:31:43 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 06:34:11 pm
Post by: ase on September 26, 2008, 06:52:28 pm
you had a 50% overall survival chance, no? since you overcame initial chemo and reduced your tumor marker multiple-fold, you can't just assume that you're back at a
50% base chance minus x% due to possible cancerous lymph node/pneumonia
getting over that initial chemo bump and killing the cancer cells put you up at more like 80% or something, no??? this could just be a small bump in the room compared to the HUGE dice roll you already won!
Post by: ThugTears666 on September 26, 2008, 07:22:54 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 07:29:52 pm
no! steel you are still experienced with kicking cancer's ass and this shouldn't stop you. you're looking at the statistics wrongly too.
you had a 50% overall survival chance, no? since you overcame initial chemo and reduced your tumor marker multiple-fold, you can't just assume that you're back at a
50% base chance minus x% due to possible cancerous lymph node/pneumonia
getting over that initial chemo bump and killing the cancer cells put you up at more like 80% or something, no??? this could just be a small bump in the room compared to the HUGE dice roll you already won!
no it was a 50% cure rate not survival rate. if it was 50% survival I'd be dead now instead of looking at lower odds! basically I didn't win the 50% coin toss and I know any further treatment has a lesser rate.
regardless I asked the doc, we'll see what he says.
Post by: jamie on September 26, 2008, 07:39:46 pm
i was gonna type something along the lines of FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF earlier when i first saw your post but i dunno i felt like using words for some reason. it's not working out apparently.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Post by: fatty on September 26, 2008, 09:15:14 pm
Post by: Farren on September 26, 2008, 10:26:45 pm
this is exactly what happened to my grandmother. you should be ok though. you still seem pretty healthy, so hopefully you can fight it off.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 10:27:32 pm
Post by: Farren on September 26, 2008, 10:29:46 pm
Post by: Marcus on September 26, 2008, 10:35:08 pm
i'm making my will save to stay positive
Post by: Bisse on September 26, 2008, 10:41:03 pm
:(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 10:59:06 pm
no she had colon cancer and they said they'd gotten it out of her but it came back and they couldn't put her through therapy anymore because her health was so far gone so she died
yeah my condolences but that's not really the same thing at all. you're talking about colon cancer returning where as in my situation it's still the original mass which is why I don't know if the cure rate dropped since it never was fully remissed/removed.
the shitty thing is even if he says CURE RATE STILL THE SAME, going through chemo again will be fucking hell. my mom's also out of paid leave and currently running through her donated leave, and I can't drive to the cancer center even if I wanted to. who is gonna take me to chemo?
and then the surgery sounded risky asddffff this is all shit.
Post by: jamie on September 26, 2008, 11:00:46 pm
actually - i seriously don't know this - is your name mark or amark? cos i've seen you say both and i dunno which one was a typo joke.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 11:08:30 pm
gw carpool set it up, someone has to take me to chemo...
Post by: ase on September 26, 2008, 11:18:11 pm
Post by: Marmot on September 26, 2008, 11:23:32 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 11:28:06 pm
in addition, this surgery is apparently a tricky one, so if any of you have doctor parents, ask them if they know where the best mediastinal surgeons are in the country; I'm already doing this but it can't hurt to get a list of names or places.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on September 26, 2008, 11:31:38 pm
It's a well known fact you're going to be fine. You just let your guard down and it thought it'd have a sneaky round 2. I cant see it managing much more.
Good luck with the upcoming stuff (is your mam ok?)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 26, 2008, 11:40:02 pm
Post by: Farren on September 27, 2008, 03:30:39 am
but if I would personnally take the chemo if that was the only other option for awhile and if nothing got better I'd cut that shit out while I still got a chance. I don't know if you want to talk about this, if not I'll remove my post.
Post by: baseball19225 on September 27, 2008, 03:32:40 am
Post by: Marcus on September 27, 2008, 04:47:51 am
Quote
the shitty thing is even if he says CURE RATE STILL THE SAME, going through chemo again will be fucking hell. my mom's also out of paid leave and currently running through her donated leave, and I can't drive to the cancer center even if I wanted to. who is gonna take me to chemo?
so... we can start a charity fund or something if you seriously lack the monies. i don't know if you're one of those self reliant "fuck outside help" guys but i for one would be happy to donate ducats for cab rides and the like.
Post by: DoctorEars on September 27, 2008, 11:23:33 am
I'd do it, even with the minimal amount of cash I get at each payday.
I'd do this, even though I don't know Steel very well. It's just the right thing to do, I suppose.
Post by: Lord Kamina on September 27, 2008, 12:25:57 pm
okay so I had a talk with a doc friend who explained a bit more. the lymph node is located near some major artery called the SVC, meaning it's way too risky to remove it. we expected some would remain (the tumor marker wasn't zero) but with the active node in such a dangerous location, chemo will be needed after the surgery to get rid of it. I have no idea what type of chemo, for how long, any of that, and my oncologist never replied so I won't find out till Monday.
in addition, this surgery is apparently a tricky one, so if any of you have doctor parents, ask them if they know where the best mediastinal surgeons are in the country; I'm already doing this but it can't hurt to get a list of names or places.
That's a vein: Superior Vena Cava is probably the largest vein in the body and it basically carries all the blood from above your heart(Arms, head, brain) into it and yeah, I can see why a surgery there might be really delicate.
Now dude, don't rely on odds, really... Just stick to your desire to live. When my father was diagnosed with lymphoma the oncologist told us... "Prepare and say your goobyes, he's got three months at best."
But now it's been pretty much 4 years and albeit quite a few sequels (Mostly because it was BRAIN cancer), he's still kicking.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 27, 2008, 01:42:49 pm
no reply from the doctor. I get the feeling this is kind of an odd situation; I mean, chemo+surgery was 50% but I think they expected to get rid of it all with surgery, so what percentage would it be if you're still treating the same cancer, not one that comes back? I don't know these things and everyone says I should concern myself with finding the best surgeon (the one I saw has only two years experience soooooo) instead of chemo etc but I can't help it!
Post by: big ass skelly on September 27, 2008, 03:03:18 pm
Post by: Boulvae on September 27, 2008, 03:51:13 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 27, 2008, 04:04:53 pm
Post by: Marcus on September 27, 2008, 04:14:54 pm
mark do you think you could do my surgery.
i've played every trauma center and own all variations of milton bradley's operation SIGN ME UP
Post by: big ass skelly on September 27, 2008, 04:22:09 pm
You can't be serious... nows not the time to compare an MMO to delicate surgery.I'm Deadly serious Boulver. MMOs take a great deal of skill... surgery's basically just cutting someone up like playing a rogue and any moron can play a rogue.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 27, 2008, 04:24:30 pm
plus marcus is black meaning he had to work for his place in med school unlike DAMN WHITEY.
Post by: datamanc3r on September 27, 2008, 04:34:00 pm
Marcus: Scalpel.
Me: Scalpel.
Marcus: Tweezers.
Me: Tweezers.
Marcus: Semiautomatic pistol.
Me: Semiautomatic pistol.
Cancer = pwnt.
Post by: Boulvae on September 27, 2008, 04:47:01 pm
I've made plastic models with an exacto knife, I can do it for fifty bucks!!!
Post by: Marcus on September 27, 2008, 04:49:44 pm
Right... i'm sure you can do the surgery with your keyboard&mouse skills.
I've made plastic models with an exacto knife, I can do it for fifty bucks!!!
or i can find a mexican to do it for 25$.
isn't america wonderful?
Post by: big ass skelly on September 27, 2008, 05:05:15 pm
Right... i'm sure you can do the surgery with your keyboard&mouse skills.Sorry but uhhh I'm kind of a big deal when it comes to MMOs.
I've made plastic models with an exacto knife, I can do it for fifty bucks!!!
I'm extremely skilled.
I could do cancer surgery with my eyes closed
Post by: datamanc3r on September 27, 2008, 05:44:41 pm
I could do cancer surgery with my eyes closed
Guys guys guys. I don't think this is a joking matter. In fact, I am horrified that you talk about Steel's life in such an underhanded way. How dare you. He's going through some tough shit, and you guys should be a little more serious. :(
I propose that we donate money to steel for premium membership.
EDIT:
Seriously though, Steel,
GLDDHFKA.
(Good luck, Don't Die, Have Fun, Kick Ass)
We're all rootin' for you to get through this.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 27, 2008, 05:51:05 pm
until then joking about it is seriously the only way I can deal with this news! that and playin my precious vidcons...
Post by: fatty on September 27, 2008, 07:21:10 pm
in trauma center you shoot aliens off of tumors this is similar to the surgery i must undertake.what are you serious
I thought this was just egoraptor trying to be funny
Post by: Farren on September 28, 2008, 01:13:56 am
like really fucking cold
like it doesn't belong there cold
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on September 28, 2008, 01:21:55 am
Good luck Steel. You might want to start thinking about the deathbed stuff such as your memoirs and your final stance on religion.Hey, you know, this was entirely unnecessary. You must be an optimist and think positive.
Post by: Chubby Skelly on September 28, 2008, 03:45:11 am
in trauma center you shoot aliens off of tumors this is similar to the surgery i must undertake.
This is the funniest thing I have seen/heard/whatever all day.
All the best, Steel.
Post by: headphonics on September 28, 2008, 07:54:35 am
Post by: headphonics on September 28, 2008, 07:56:18 am
this is my gift to you
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 28, 2008, 02:45:42 pm
also honestly I'm planning on recording something (since my hands come and go) before the surgery just in case. paranoia and honestly if I had to be awake for the surgery, probably a bad idea because it would stress me out, but I'm just that afraid of this shit.
a positive attitude can get you through chemo because you keep saying IT CAN ONLY LAST SO LONG but death is a v. scary thing. earlier in this thread I mentioned I wasn't really scared of death, and while that still somewhat holds true, I DONT WANNA DIE. a death from cancer is a very painful thing, and dying while asleep on a surgical bed sounds like the shittiest thing ("well ma'am you know that procedure we were doing to help your son's life expectancy? it killed him! lmao, keep the change lol").
I mean the odds are against me dying either way imho but still.
I wonder if you're more likely to die in a car accident than in surgery?
Post by: fatty on September 28, 2008, 03:24:45 pm
Good luck Steel. You might want to start thinking about the deathbed stuff such as your memoirs and your final stance on religion.You do know that even if he ACCEPTS JESUS/KRISHNA IN HIS HEART nothing is going to happen to change the current situation?
don't die steel please don't
Post by: Revolutionist on September 28, 2008, 04:00:39 pm
Goodluck.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 28, 2008, 04:41:03 pm
please if you have any relatives who are doctors, PLEASE ask them. I'm pulling all the strings I can and have a few names, but this is quite literally my life in the balance. I'm 22 years old, I really don't want to die in surgery.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on September 28, 2008, 05:14:01 pm
Post by: Mama Luigi on September 28, 2008, 05:47:54 pm
Post by: WunderBread on September 29, 2008, 05:38:00 am
Your doctors can't make any good referrals or anything? You'd think there'd be, like, a listserv of doctors for these things. :sad: My university's medical school is pretty good (UPenn), so I could go there and ask if they have any lists of doctors that graduated from the school and specialized in the area you're looking for. I'm not sure if they'll tell me much (and if it will be useful), but I'm certainly willing to check it out. Good idea (y/n)?
Wish you the best of luck.
Post by: Barack Obama on September 29, 2008, 10:08:20 am
fuck I don't want to die.:( i dont want you to die either man
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 29, 2008, 02:22:42 pm
Your doctors can't make any good referrals or anything? You'd think there'd be, like, a listserv of doctors for these things. :sad: My university's medical school is pretty good (UPenn), so I could go there and ask if they have any lists of doctors that graduated from the school and specialized in the area you're looking for. I'm not sure if they'll tell me much (and if it will be useful), but I'm certainly willing to check it out. Good idea (y/n)?
I'm seeing my oncologist tomorrow and I have a second oncologist lined up for surgery opinions. Steve's mom also put me in contact with some guy in Delaware who will know the best in the country. I'm pullin every string I have, because this surgery is very dangerous.
:( i dont want you to die either man
too late I'm a Ghast.
Post by: Marmot on September 29, 2008, 02:27:15 pm
iif you are unfortunate enough to be in the brink of death you should do this. i certainly am going to do that
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 29, 2008, 02:31:12 pm
Post by: Marmot on September 29, 2008, 03:00:32 pm
Post by: Farren on September 29, 2008, 05:55:26 pm
Post by: Boulvae on September 29, 2008, 09:35:47 pm
So you can come on down over here, i'll open you up pimp slap that necro-tissue and improvise from there.
Post by: maladroithim on September 29, 2008, 09:37:49 pm
How do we find out if something DOES go wrong? If you took like a one-week break from the internet we would all assume the worst and be devastated :( You need a system to keep us from panicking dude!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 29, 2008, 09:40:19 pm
altho we're trying to get staggered PMs and I plan to write a years worth of pms to people that will send after some time passes.
Dear ASE,
if you're reading this, I'm dead and they are after you. call Dr. Rosenbaum, then walk, don't run, to the library. A man in a yellow coat will tell you what to do. Expect another communique in a week's time.
Post by: ase on September 29, 2008, 10:46:47 pm
now im not gonna open any pm's ever again
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 29, 2008, 10:50:29 pm
also seeing two oncologists tomorrow, I'll post if anything develops.
Post by: baseball19225 on September 30, 2008, 12:38:40 am
Post by: pburn on September 30, 2008, 12:41:37 am
You woke me up to the error of my ways and ever since then I've tried to change...
Thank you Steel....................................
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on September 30, 2008, 12:54:51 am
Post by: Barack Obama on September 30, 2008, 12:55:32 am
shut ur word hole
too late I'm a Ghast.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 01, 2008, 12:22:05 am
WHO WANTS TO TAKE ODDS.
Post by: ase on October 01, 2008, 12:28:41 am
FUCK YES
oh man this makes me really happy! Steel i wanna hug you right now
Post by: baseball19225 on October 01, 2008, 12:29:42 am
Post by: baseball19225 on October 01, 2008, 12:30:55 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 01, 2008, 12:32:11 am
im dead heh.
Post by: ase on October 01, 2008, 12:46:41 am
so that's pretty cool
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 01, 2008, 12:52:15 am
Post by: ase on October 01, 2008, 12:54:07 am
are you definitely doing chemo for that after this surgery?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 01, 2008, 01:08:49 am
so apparently I mentioned the possible additional chemo and he was like EHHH I DONT THINK SO. IF WE DO SURGERY AND CHECK ON A PET IF ANYTHING ACTIVE IS LEFT AND IT ISN'T (PROBABLY THE CASE) YOU WON'T DO CHEMO. AT WORST YOU'D DO RADIATION THERAPY IF ANY OF IT IS HANGING ON.
meaning that if it all dies, and it is dying, tumor markers are down to 43 in a week's time (8 is when you can say its gone), that means we are still at a 50% perma cure rate.
AND: the guy reassured me that if we removed the tumor, it probably wouldn't remiss but if it did, it's not even a cause for mourning. Scott Hamilton (the other Lance Armstrong heh) had his return, and he's doing fine.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 01, 2008, 01:10:39 am
Post by: Ryan on October 01, 2008, 01:14:15 am
Post by: goldenratio on October 01, 2008, 01:41:12 am
Post by: Boulvae on October 01, 2008, 01:49:37 am
Also seems like you kicked Cancer's ass.
Post by: BloodyAsura on October 01, 2008, 02:24:53 am
I'm glad my last note didn't post, it was all soppy and love-ridden. ~99.5% chances of survival look like pretty good odds to me. Better than the odds of America surviving its current economic crisis.
Who knows, you will probably look back on this in a few years when you are jobless and homeless and wished cancer kicked your ass.
Joke. Thanks for the update, and please--keep us informed. You rock!!!
Post by: Chubby Skelly on October 01, 2008, 02:33:05 am
Post by: Niitaka on October 01, 2008, 02:44:17 am
Post by: ase on October 01, 2008, 02:50:27 am
Man 99.5% doesn't mean YOU have a 99.5% survival rate. That .5% is like 80 year olds.Yeah it does. His doctor gave him a personalized survival rate based on his unique circumstances / tumor markers / difficulty of procedure / overall health / tens of other factors I'm sure
Post by: baseball19225 on October 01, 2008, 02:52:41 am
Post by: Hundley on October 01, 2008, 07:40:58 am
Post by: fatty on October 01, 2008, 08:02:53 am
Post by: fatty on October 01, 2008, 08:03:31 am
Post by: Lord Kamina on October 01, 2008, 12:09:43 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 01, 2008, 02:10:47 pm
Man 99.5% doesn't mean YOU have a 99.5% survival rate. That .5% is like 80 year olds.
no he age adjusted.
Wait, have you had radiation before? It can be worse than chemo, dude.
i know! it will be a good time!!!
Post by: big ass skelly on October 01, 2008, 02:46:41 pm
if you're not call me a lying asshole in an post-death pm, it'll make me cry
Post by: Shepperd on October 01, 2008, 03:14:14 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on October 01, 2008, 07:06:11 pm
Post by: Chubby Skelly on October 02, 2008, 01:13:06 am
no he age adjusted.
Oh, shit.
Post by: Mama Luigi on October 02, 2008, 03:11:17 am
cancer - 0
Post by: Revolutionist on October 03, 2008, 12:34:03 am
You're doing well I see..
Post by: Moriason on October 03, 2008, 03:45:19 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 03, 2008, 09:52:42 am
i think i still have my baby teeth somewhere
Post by: Wil on October 03, 2008, 04:14:10 pm
Post by: Rowain on October 03, 2008, 07:21:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 03, 2008, 07:22:57 pm
like i bet it's some type of biohazard.
then again there was that one teacher who kept her uterus in a jar for jesus and showed it to her students soooooo.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 03, 2008, 08:38:38 pm
Post by: Drevean on October 04, 2008, 02:05:34 am
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 04, 2008, 02:09:02 am
Post by: Barack Obama on October 04, 2008, 02:09:57 am
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
this is the best post ever
Post by: Barack Obama on October 04, 2008, 02:10:14 am
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
I didn't get circumcised ti'll I was in 3rd grade.
When the doctors asked if I wanted to keep it, I was like "um.... what?? ....... no...... no that's okay, I think I'm gonna puke now."
Post by: Drevean on October 04, 2008, 02:21:31 am
I didn't get circumcised at birth, and eventually I got the idea that my dick was different, so I wanted to be "normal"
Now it's more difficult to pick my penis out of a lineup.
Post by: Farren on October 04, 2008, 05:49:24 am
I know you said you wanted to be normal but that isn't enough
Post by: Marcus on October 05, 2008, 09:52:25 am
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/26699/cancervixen.gif)
it's about the author's experience with breast cancer and despite being an otherwise serious and depressing subject she writes about herself with this amazing upbeat vigor. it's also a generally good story
Post by: Vellfire on October 05, 2008, 12:55:18 pm
there should be five more panels of just them getting bigger and bigger and swallowing the universe
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on October 06, 2008, 03:48:10 am
i also don't think you can keep it.
like i bet it's some type of biohazard.
then again there was that one teacher who kept her uterus in a jar for jesus and showed it to her students soooooo.
that was my 11h grade english teacher, and she didn't show it to us, but said that she had it in a jar, because she was saving herself for jesus.
also no don't keep it what the hell are you people saying
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 06, 2008, 05:57:33 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 07, 2008, 09:04:05 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 07, 2008, 09:05:02 pm
I'M ALSO VERY SURE I'M GOING TO DIE FOR SOME REASON :(
Post by: Shepperd on October 07, 2008, 09:08:27 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 07, 2008, 09:08:33 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 07, 2008, 09:09:03 pm
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 07, 2008, 09:12:10 pm
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 07, 2008, 09:12:19 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 07, 2008, 09:13:51 pm
its because you confront your mortality for the first time, and I mean REALLY CONFRONT IT, and even if you make it you realized ONE DAY you'll die and it's fucking awful. it's one of those feelings you can't really describe, sort of like LOVE. its just...awful.
I can't really describe it but I'm thinking about therapy which most people do. my insurance covers it too so.
Post by: Farren on October 07, 2008, 09:20:50 pm
and yeah I know EMO TEENAGER THINKInG ABOUT SUDDENLY NOT EXISTING ANYMORE IS NOT THE SAM E AS HAVING CANCER but I'm trying to be empathetic
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 07, 2008, 09:21:27 pm
GW meet NC how about it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 07, 2008, 09:24:45 pm
actually I can't even POST ABOUT THIS anymore. it's that fucking distressing.
SO HOW BOUT THEM KNICKS.
also if you're ever in raleigh or close to it tell me, i'll hook you up.
Post by: big ass skelly on October 08, 2008, 02:21:31 am
edit by ryan: this autoruns and the music continually plays so i put it in spoilers
Post by: big ass skelly on October 08, 2008, 04:43:58 pm
Post by: Ryan on October 08, 2008, 10:02:16 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 12:19:53 am
they are full of aggressively stupid people AS EXAMPLE
(20:17:30) Edgar: today i met a morbidly fat man and his family
(20:17:30) Chuck: why is there a MATHEMATICAL NOT symbol on my keyboard
(20:17:36) Edgar: one of whom started sobbing
(20:17:41) Edgar: because he had malignant cancer
(20:17:51) Chuck: i guess it is a tilde but doesn't that make it a pain in the ass to program
(20:17:51) Edgar: but in an astounding bit of ignorance
(20:17:58) Edgar: said HE ALWAYS TAKES CARE OF HIMSELF
(20:18:00) Edgar: yes
(20:18:06) Edgar: he weighs 300 pounds
(20:18:10) Chuck: hahaha
(20:18:13) Edgar: because he was taking GREAT CARE OF HIMSELF
(20:18:15) Chuck: i should not laugh but
(20:18:22) Chuck: SOBBING you say
(20:18:25) Edgar: yes
(20:18:34) Edgar: Im glad my mom was ther
(20:18:37) Edgar: because i would have lolled
(20:18:45) Edgar: but i hadt o hold it in
(20:18:50) Edgar: because everyone was looking somber
(20:18:53) Chuck: haha
(20:18:56) Edgar: because...shes crying...
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 09, 2008, 01:34:22 am
Post by: ase on October 09, 2008, 01:44:32 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 02:06:51 pm
the surgery is scheduled october 29th. if all goes well I'll spend halloween in the hospital.
I got nothing left to say, any questions before the panic sets in?
Post by: BloodyAsura on October 09, 2008, 02:23:06 pm
I'll go trick or treating to the hospital if you have candy. :P
Where are you located? I'm (seriously) considering going by to visit during your stay.
Call it a 'business trip' :P. Let me know if I can.
NC isn't that far away.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 02:27:35 pm
HOORAY MAJOR SURGERY IM GONNA THROW UP NOW
Post by: Vellfire on October 09, 2008, 03:16:55 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 03:25:01 pm
it would probably be massively awkward if anything.
also steve keeps trying to make me feel better by saying THOSE AREN'T BAD ODDS FOR SURGERY AN DI'VE HAD LIKE THREE but it doesn't shake this absolute certainty I have that I'm FUCKIN DEAD.
Post by: BloodyAsura on October 09, 2008, 03:25:19 pm
Then I'll sell them to Enquirer etc.
Post by: halibabica on October 09, 2008, 03:27:52 pm
Of course, I'd hate to bet my life on anything but 100% odds, but this is still a lot better than your 50% chance when you first found out. Don't let it get you down, the stats are in your favor!
You'll be just fine, I'm sure of it.
Post by: BloodyAsura on October 09, 2008, 03:43:39 pm
If you have a 95% non-complication rate, that means (obviously) that you have a 5% complication rate.
And all complications aren't fatal. For the sake of argument, if we assume that 10% of all complications are fatal:
5% Complications rate = 1/20
10% Fatal rate = 1/10
1/10 Fatal rate multiplied by the 1/20 Complication rate (without variables, of course):
1/200 Fatal Complication rate
In other words, you have a .5% chance of enduring a fatal complication.
Which leaves a 99.5% chance of survival.
I like those odds. Better than the odds of me having sex tonight.
Post by: Dale Gobbler on October 09, 2008, 03:56:29 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 09, 2008, 03:59:38 pm
Which leaves a 99.5% chance of survival.rofl
I like those odds. Better than the odds of me having sex tonight.
Post by: BloodyAsura on October 09, 2008, 04:00:40 pm
It sells for a bunch of cash over here. We'll split it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 04:06:06 pm
Post by: Ryan on October 09, 2008, 04:09:07 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 04:10:15 pm
Post by: goldenratio on October 09, 2008, 06:04:17 pm
http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_releases/senecavirus_structure_revealed_oh_and_it_still_kills_cancer_cells_10_000_times_better_than_traditional_chemotherap?
i havent searched for it anywhere else and its not like you can get a Senecavirus treatment anytime soon but still, might be interesting.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 09, 2008, 06:24:35 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 09, 2008, 06:28:31 pm
Post by: Vellfire on October 09, 2008, 08:45:29 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on October 10, 2008, 12:37:43 am
have you heard of this?I see what you are doing here
http://www.scientificblogging.com/news_releases/senecavirus_structure_revealed_oh_and_it_still_kills_cancer_cells_10_000_times_better_than_traditional_chemotherap?
i havent searched for it anywhere else and its not like you can get a Senecavirus treatment anytime soon but still, might be interesting.
Also, gl with everything steel.
Post by: Barack Obama on October 10, 2008, 12:57:31 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 10, 2008, 01:02:53 am
but yeah mortality is a concept you cannot actually wrap your mind around until something like this happens. like FAMILY DEATH makes you feel unsafe but this is such a fucking awful time. like, I am so certain I will die in this surgery. and not in a confirming "aahhhh i had a good life" but in a "NO FUCK I DONT WANT TO DIE". it's awful.
im not gonna post more because its depressing shit to listen to.
Post by: Barack Obama on October 10, 2008, 01:09:48 am
dont worry ill be dead! also i should edit this topic title to PAGE 39 but w/e most people who would check will check the next page if they see it's not there.give me the surgeon's home address i'll jack that fool up if something happens
but yeah mortality is a concept you cannot actually wrap your mind around until something like this happens. like FAMILY DEATH makes you feel unsafe but this is such a fucking awful time. like, I am so certain I will die in this surgery. and not in a confirming "aahhhh i had a good life" but in a "NO FUCK I DONT WANT TO DIE". it's awful.
im not gonna post more because its depressing shit to listen to.
Post by: halibabica on October 10, 2008, 01:51:44 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 10, 2008, 02:01:44 am
Post by: halibabica on October 10, 2008, 02:07:40 am
But there's a website full of people here that care about you and think you're going to be all right. Try to find the strength in yourself that we all see in you, and I'm sure you'll be okay.
Post by: mkkmypet on October 10, 2008, 02:18:28 am
tilde means approximately in maths what's chuck talking about?
no, in math, tilde means "not". like:
if p = q (p equals q) is true, then the contrapositive would be that ~q = ~p (not q equals not p) is true.
also GOOD LUCK getting surgery steel! you'll get through it. surgeries always make me nervous but i think everyone should always assume that it will go well. i think i can kinda sympathize about the whole surgery/survival rate/etc. stuff because my dad is getting quadruple bypass surgery in a week and his doctor said he has around an 80% chance of survival, sooooo i'm pretty worried. compared to that, 99.5% seems really good! get well soon steel :<
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 10, 2008, 02:25:19 am
the reason my surgery is risky is because they can't tell where this tumor is possibly invading. it's near the lungs and the heart (the SVC I was referring to earlier was the superior vena cava, which should ring a bell with you med school kids) and if it's invading those, it's potentially dangerous. it's also very likely it is invading the svc.
man mortality fucking blows. if I could type maybe I could get this down in some way but as some of you know, I'm typing everything by flurrying two fingers across the entire keyboard which is why almost all my posts are entirely in slack grammatical style; hitting caps is hard to do!
Post by: Puppet Master on October 10, 2008, 03:25:22 am
no, in math, tilde means "not". like:
If a tilde is over a number that means approximately, if my memory serves me right that is.
Steel, you have an almost 100 percent chance of survival, you will live because we all want you to and that's how it works on the internet.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 10, 2008, 03:29:26 am
Post by: Alec on October 11, 2008, 03:55:50 am
Post by: Parker on October 11, 2008, 06:37:35 am
Can you get me some morphine while you're in there???btw, quoting because i think your lawyer may be interested in this imo
It sells for a bunch of cash over here. We'll split it.
Post by: Jayce on October 11, 2008, 02:20:06 pm
Unless of course my mum is more of a man than you...
Post by: baseball19225 on October 11, 2008, 02:32:10 pm
ps please dont die man :(
Post by: DDay on October 11, 2008, 03:15:37 pm
Just live Steel.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 09:56:04 pm
now I'm not about to say YEAH MOM SURGERY THAT MIGHT NOT EVEN PERMANENTLY GET RID OF MY CANCER THANK GOD but it got kind of irritating so I said that GOD GAVE ME CANCER AND HE/SHE ALSO GIVES IT TO SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILDREN, FUCK THAT NOISE pretty much.
I know that's out of line and usually I don't give a shit about going to these religious things but the thing tonight isn't even religious, it's INDIAN AMATEURS SINGING AND DANCING. yeah fuck that I'm gonna stay home and watch 25th Hour instead.
basically long story short QUESTION FOR THE RELIGIOUS TYPES how do you justify a god that kills seven year old kids? seriously. GOD DOES EVERYTHING FOR A REASON is such horseshit imho! what reason is there to kill a seven year old kid? or to give me cancer? my mom started to imply I got cancer because I don't believe in God anymore and I pretty much said "Yeah now is when you be quiet or we enter a very bad place" because holy fuck.
AH YES THIS EIGHT YEAR OLD GIRL WITH LEUKEMIA...GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS MAYBE HER DAD WAS GONNA BE HITLER.
fuck that! why doesn't God work in a way that stops Hitler dad through the daughter?
basically my mom keeps saying GOD WILL SAVE YOU but in this case this is entirely God's fault! I've smoked so incredibly little in my entire life, I avoid radiation, I don't even like keeping a cellphone nearby, and instead I had a ticking time bomb since birth implanted over my chest. I didn't do that. God isn't going to save me. at best God's going to use a squeegee and cleanup aisle 3 where he knocked over that soda that fizzed everywhere.
argh im ranting like a linkin park kid "MOOOOOOM" but it's hard not to. I spent four years out of the house and now I have to spend a whole year back in it even if I survive this dangerous surgery (i wont im dead ~bonzi buddy), I think I'm entitled to be a little upset!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 09:59:21 pm
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on October 11, 2008, 09:59:26 pm
Quote
basically long story short QUESTION FOR THE RELIGIOUS TYPES how do you justify a god that kills seven year old kids? seriously. GOD DOES EVERYTHING FOR A REASON is such horseshit imho! what reason is there to kill a seven year old kid? or to give me cancer?
Because God never said life would be fair and everyone does indeed die.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 10:02:35 pm
I don't get why that wouldn't inspire rage against such a dickhole.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 10:03:21 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 11, 2008, 10:03:37 pm
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on October 11, 2008, 10:05:24 pm
But HYPOTHETICALLY, assuming there is a God, a seven year old dying of cancer is still fucked up, but in the GRAND SCHEME of things, leaving this mortal coil probably wouldn't be all that bad in relative terms, and it would be small minded and petty to whine/argue with God about it if there is indeed a better place up above.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 10:05:48 pm
I could do a better job at being God!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 10:06:35 pm
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on October 11, 2008, 10:09:17 pm
a seven year old kid cant even understand life and gets to die w00t thanks for the gift of seven years while pinochet gets 70.
I could do a better job at being God!
Assuming there is an all powerful, all knowing wise God that knows about everyone and everything that ever was and ever will, being mad at such a being at saying what he does is unfair sounds pretty dumb/petty. I'd like to assume that if there is such a being, mankind with all of its fallacies are like ants in comparison, we wouldn't know shit compared to such a being and we probably shouldn't get all mad at him, and we should just do the best we can.
But that's just my interpretation, I don't know shit about shit.
Quote
you know just ignore this, I'm stressing about the surgery and just generally not feeling HAPSY CAT.
Get some rest, dude. Don't stress!
Post by: Farren on October 11, 2008, 10:11:48 pm
You can't come up with a VALID reason because nature is full of chaos and indiscriminate death, to me it doesn't matter. When people die they die and thats it its over and I'm thankful that it wasn't my turn.
But I don't get why your mother doesn't respect your choice when it comes to religion. I get tradition and culture but I guess its just because my parents aren't very religious although my mom gets boughts of it she doesn't talk to me about it because I would say some pretty mean shit.
But I feel its something I have to do to make them understand that thats the way I feel and it isn't going to change because she wants to pressure me.
My grandma is really bad about it though but I just try to avoid talking about it and if she continues talking about it I just go "uh-huh" and walk away because I know if I told her what I really believed it would crush her...
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 11, 2008, 10:19:22 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 10:20:39 pm
I am like ACTIVELY MISERABLE at these events. sredni and I actually have about fifty photos of us playing with coffee creamer behind one of these events. that is how boring they are. WE PLAYED WITH COFFEE CREAMER. WE ACTUALLY BURNED SHIT FOR FUN. I'M 22 YEARS OLD AND I WAS BURNING SHIT FOR FUN. sredni can verify how awful these things are.
and he's not going to be at this one, he skipped out and went to a theta tau field trip to a lake. and his brother is leaving early, as in after the food that I actually can't eat (my tastebuds can't handle even a hint of spiciness). and that's pretty much it for people even close to my age group in the bengali association of north carolina.
I'm grateful that they donated money, really I am. but I'm not going to this shit! I'll throw them a party, sure, that sounds great, but I'm not going to go to some lame AMATEUR NIGHT AT THE TAJ APOLLO.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 10:25:13 pm
WELL LOOK AT THAT.
Post by: Ryan on October 11, 2008, 10:31:09 pm
Post by: Hundley on October 11, 2008, 10:34:15 pm
i do this every holiday with random shit like DIARRHEA or COMMON COLDS because i cannot physically endure the company of my extended family
Post by: ase on October 11, 2008, 11:03:12 pm
in my experience, I've found the best way to deal with things is to just pretend to be remotely engaged in the religious activities. This way, at least your family doesn't hate you or scream at you. so it's not a big deal if you feign a prayer to buddha in a language you dont know as long as you're not actually POURING A CIRCLE OF INCEST ON THE GROUND and meditating.
alternatively, you can tell your family you had an epiphany from jesus christ and he told you that siddhartha (???) is a load of crock and the reason you got cancer was because you've all been bowing to the wrong dude
Post by: Farren on October 11, 2008, 11:10:55 pm
If they're actually your FAMILY they won't hate you for having different beliefs. Going along with it and acting like you believe in something you don't is like the biggest shit on your beliefs and who you are that you can do to yourself. ESPECIALLY if its someone as close to you as your mother.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 11, 2008, 11:11:15 pm
jesus poland.
Post by: ase on October 11, 2008, 11:17:16 pm
i meant "incense"
Post by: halibabica on October 12, 2008, 01:51:04 am
I don't blame God for earthly problems. It's tempting to think "why me?" and "what'd I do to deserve this?," but I seriously doubt God would go out of his way to help or hinder any specific individual on purpose.
Post by: datamanc3r on October 12, 2008, 02:00:31 am
EDIT:
WWSD?
Post by: Vellfire on October 12, 2008, 03:15:47 am
I never understood why people expect God to make their lives perfect in the first place. I mean, devout religious people explain it away like "God works in mysterious ways," but do you really think that an all-powerful all-knowing vastly superior being is going to bother micromanaging every human's life so there's no pain or suffering? Isn't that what heaven is for?
I don't blame God for earthly problems. It's tempting to think "why me?" and "what'd I do to deserve this?," but I seriously doubt God would go out of his way to help or hinder any specific individual on purpose.
hahaha what the fuck MICROMANAGING
i don't believe in god but dude, all-seeing, all-knowing, and all-powerful means god could fix everyone's life in a goddamn heartbeat, i don't see where you got this idea that IT'S GONNA TAKE HIM SOME TIME TO DO, he's fucking god dude
god can't really go OUT OF HIS WAY when his way is to make everything in the world happen, that's not going out of his way that's just HIS WAY
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 12, 2008, 03:17:44 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 12, 2008, 03:21:26 am
Post by: halibabica on October 12, 2008, 05:01:26 am
I still don't see why God would consider all our problems "his problems."
Post by: Marcus on October 19, 2008, 01:27:51 pm
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/26699/20080427.gif)
take the pill steel
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 19, 2008, 03:23:28 pm
also there is some news but it only concerns me. still surgery on 29th, but for four days after I gotta be off my pill blood thinner and instead have an injection (which wears off in 24 hours).
the thing is the injection is in the stomach.
and the worse thing is it REALLY FUCKING HURTS. like it burns as they inject it. they stickr belly full of fire...
Post by: dada on October 19, 2008, 03:43:21 pm
also there is some news but it only concerns me. still surgery on 29th, but for four days after I gotta be off my pill blood thinner and instead have an injection (which wears off in 24 hours).Man, that sounds terrible. Not only that, you mentioned having a fear of needles. Guess you've got something to look out to after surgery.
the thing is the injection is in the stomach.
and the worse thing is it REALLY FUCKING HURTS. like it burns as they inject it. they stickr belly full of fire...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 22, 2008, 04:15:00 pm
Quote from: hey wat
The 5% was quoted taking into consideration of your entire presentation including age, diagnosis, previous treatment etc. The complications include different entities such as infection and irregular heart rate that are easily fixable with medication. Post-operative pneumonia is a complication that we try to avoid by having you be very aggressive in the pos-operative period with deep breathing, coughing and increasing activity. Post-operative death is a potential complication but not likely and would be considered below the 5%. Our focus though will be on preventing the post-op pneumonia as that is the most probable and serious of complications within the 5%.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 22, 2008, 04:15:36 pm
Post by: maladroithim on October 22, 2008, 07:02:11 pm
Post by: ase on October 22, 2008, 11:10:30 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 22, 2008, 11:12:45 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 22, 2008, 11:15:24 pm
"To reduce your chance of pneumonia, we're going to have to recommend you yell quite frequently"
""
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 22, 2008, 11:40:08 pm
Post by: [Sam] on October 22, 2008, 11:52:24 pm
As for God... That's why there's atheists like me hanging around. As for your mother, she needs to realise that it's down to you as to whether you wanna believe or not. I know someone just said to go along with these Indian amateur singing nights thing, but fuck that. If you don't wanna go, don't go. If anything you should be out enjoying yourself, just in case the worst does happen. Makes sense to tick off a few of the criteria on the Things To Do Before I Die list. It sure beats arguing with your mother.
Anyway, g'luck, I hope you pull through.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 24, 2008, 04:02:18 pm
god i had it like three minutes ago and the fucker still hurts.
Post by: goldenratio on October 24, 2008, 04:14:01 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 24, 2008, 04:21:01 pm
and I have four more to do.
Post by: goldenratio on October 24, 2008, 04:48:00 pm
im not gonna say "i know how you feel" because i DO NOT but, ive gotten sick with bronchitis about 4 or 5 times this year (one was pneumonia), and i went to UMC and had to get a steroid/antibiotic shot in my ass, and that shit HURT. when i had pneumonia, i had 2 shots, both had a LOT of liquid, and one went in each ass cheek. it was ridiculously sore all day, I could barely walk. My entire lower body was sore like i fell off a building or something.
so yeah i feel for you because if I had that feeling in my STOMACH i would probably not do too well :(
Post by: SupremeWarrior on October 24, 2008, 10:46:55 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 25, 2008, 03:30:16 pm
also GAAAAH FUCKIG INJECTION GASFFD.
this one hurt less because they put it in my "love handles" but still.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 27, 2008, 03:52:31 am
Post by: headphonics on October 27, 2008, 04:02:57 am
Post by: Ryan on October 27, 2008, 04:05:27 am
Post by: Vanit on October 27, 2008, 04:33:29 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 27, 2008, 04:35:32 am
my surgeon isnt going to be a black or a jew, is he?
i got to pick mine but if anything...you could be sure the black guy worked to get as far as he had...no harvard legacy there, my friend.
Post by: Ryan on October 27, 2008, 04:37:47 am
i got to pick mine but if anything...you could be sure the black guy worked to get as far as he had...no harvard legacy there, my friend.
umm.. ever heard of a lil somethin called affirmative action? hes prolly got a GED lmao
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 12:13:45 am
they were asking a bunch of questions at the pre-op, race, age, height, and then she says who is your emergency contact, and she took my mom's info and then she asked "religion" and before I can say anything, my mom says "Hindu"
and not really thinking I was like "wait, hers or mine?" and the nurse kind of indicated "you" and I was like "atheist" straight up.
and my mom looks at me in this rage filled way and I am "what?" in genuine confusion because I seriously have said at least a thousand times that if God gave me cancer it's no God I want a part of. and then she blamed it on my friends which is pretty lol because of all of them I'm the clear hardcore atheist of the lot (and she was blaming the white friends buuuuuut wouldn't I be CHRISTIAN then?) and now she is downstairs griping and saying HE WANTS A PARTY TO THANK PEOPLE NO SIR WE ARE GOING TO DO A PUJA (hindu religious ceremony) TO THANK GOD.
I do not think I will attend this. seriously I am so grateful to those people and I want to pay them back for all they did, but God didn't do shit for me so fuck that noise I'm not gonna go! it's not like I spit in her face, I go to the pujas and I bring the little ganesh doll in the pocket and she shoves a little GOD PICTURE in my wallet and I take it all because I'm not a dick but claiming GOD had anything to do with it? are you fucking kidding me? if I got cured miraculously, okay. but this is just stupid and ridiculous. I don't want to donate money to a church (this is how you have pujas basically) who did nothing for me for most of my life.
argh and I keep telling my sister to tell her to be quiet but my sister is such a fucking ass she somehow thinks it is my fault. seriously all I said was ATHEIST. that was it! I did not say "FEH...YOU GOD...I SPIT ON IT".
this makes me pretty fucking angry. I am tired of people giving credit to God when it is the doctors who are saving my life, my family and indian community who are paying the doctors, and my friends who are keeping me sane. BUT THANKS MERCIFUL SKY FAGGOT.
gsdafdafafff I feel very Linkin Park.
Post by: Ryan on October 28, 2008, 12:22:01 am
Post by: headphonics on October 28, 2008, 12:31:34 am
alright that was mostly a rant about how my mom has crazy religious beliefs that seemingly originated from NOWHERE (seriously i think she just THOUGHT SOME STUFF UP and decided to believe it was true because i've never met another person who said that about planets, and she doesn't talk to religious people either) but my point is i have told them i'm atheist and they don't seem to care even though my mom is for sure a creationist (fkjdkjdk). yours might not either! unless they raised you religiously i bet they can see it coming. i mean i've never come out and said IM ATHEIST HEH but i have said "all that stupid god bullshit" many times and that's basically the same thing.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 12:37:44 am
and it's not like I won't have her little ganesh by my hospital bed or I'm throwing the god picture out or anything. but I'm not going to pretend I'm grateful to a God who, lets face it, if exists put me in this situation! I seriously haven't said another word other than "I'M ATHEIST" and "what?" about the whole thing and she's still going on about it.
i mean i've never come out and said IM ATHEIST HEH but i have said "all that stupid god bullshit" many times and that's basically the same thing.
apparently it's not! like, I have probably said THERE IS NO GOD NO GOD WOULD DO THIS TO ME NO GOD WOULD GIVE A SEVEN YEAR OLD CANCER EITHER at least a hundred times over the summer. some of it was when I was in pain, some of it was when I was high on painkillers, but a good portion of it was when I was perfectly fine. she's got this weird thing where she thinks she's getting back at me by throwing a religious ceremony instead of the original idea (which would have liquor and good food instead of shitty indian puja food and water from gatorade containers) and I don't even know why but I'm just not going to go! I kind of draw the line here. pray for me if you want, it's kind of insulting because hey what the fuck is that going to do for me, but I don't give a shit! hold your beliefs. but I refuse to go to this shit! it's not what I want, and its not what I believe.
Post by: fatty on October 28, 2008, 12:37:59 am
Also, my dad has said out loud that he is an atheist. Twice.
Post by: Wash Cycle on October 28, 2008, 01:29:17 am
it'll have to be somethin real good cause my mom would probably blow her top like mt olympia
oh and I bet you can imagine she loved it when I told her I want to study abroad in tajikistan before I graduate undergrad school hahahahahaha oh man that was probably the best facial expression I've ever seen a human being make
Post by: Doktormartini on October 28, 2008, 02:31:29 am
Post by: Wash Cycle on October 28, 2008, 03:12:55 am
wait some of your guys parents don't know you are atheists? That's weird. My parents knew when I was like 15...I'm by no means an athiest. but I certainly dont believe in their interpretation of what divinity is.
and they would NOT like that, because thats the kind of people they are. at least my mother anyway. Not to say that steels mom is anything like my mom but I can empathize with the conflict of interests that hes now been pulled into.
Post by: Doktormartini on October 28, 2008, 03:20:29 am
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 28, 2008, 03:21:47 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 03:25:13 am
anyways after surgery I'll be forced to get up and move and cough a lot and all this crazy shit to prevent pneumonia. there's also going to be this chest tube that leads to a briefcase thing to catch fluids that drain. I'LL TAKE PICS OF THIS GROSS SHIT.
Post by: Alec on October 28, 2008, 03:56:29 am
I'm by no means an athiest. but I certainly dont believe in their interpretation of what divinity is.that's pretty much me. i'm i guess christian deist is the best way to explain it and i'm pretty sure if i told my mom that she would flip a bitch.
and they would NOT like that, because thats the kind of people they are. at least my mother anyway. Not to say that steels mom is anything like my mom but I can empathize with the conflict of interests that hes now been pulled into.
good luck with your mom cooling down steel.
Post by: ase on October 28, 2008, 04:55:01 am
if my parents knew I was athiest I would probably not be able to return to my house ever. I mean, up till about a year ago I was still giving out communion at church. My mom helps my younger sister learn Polish CHURCH SONGS to sing because she has a really good voice and everyone at church loves her but a;lsdfjasdjf she is wasting it on this stupid bullshit MARY MOTHER OF GOD I WORSHIP YOU business instead of maybe taking voice lessons or something. My mom also teaches SUNDAY SCHOOL and my dad is on the church finance committee. My entire family has been going on an annual pilgrimage for about 10 miles to this shrine
jesus christ
sorry for hijacking your topic
basically if i ever admit to being athiest i can forget about having any family support
Post by: headphonics on October 28, 2008, 05:40:31 am
Post by: ase on October 28, 2008, 05:58:17 am
when i go home for winter break/summer break i have to go to mass with my parents and im just EXPECTED to follow suit and act exactly as I've been acting for the past 20 years of my life. When I'm at home, I can't even lie and say I already said my bedtime prayers because it's an established GROUP ACTIVITY with my mom and my sister and I (my dad is at work).
I really want to just say SORRY I DONT WANT TO GO TO CHURCH or HEHE IF ONLY THOSE CHURCHGOERS KNEW THEY WERE GETTING THE BODY OF CHRIST FROM AN ATHIEST LOL but I just don't see it happening!
Post by: headphonics on October 28, 2008, 06:01:06 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 28, 2008, 06:03:46 am
wow that sucks. i guess sometimes a single world is enough to blow someone's fuse, even if you've said synonymous things before. I can't think of an example right now but I feel like it happens all the time.
if my parents knew I was athiest I would probably not be able to return to my house ever. I mean, up till about a year ago I was still giving out communion at church. My mom helps my younger sister learn Polish CHURCH SONGS to sing because she has a really good voice and everyone at church loves her but a;lsdfjasdjf she is wasting it on this stupid bullshit MARY MOTHER OF GOD I WORSHIP YOU business instead of maybe taking voice lessons or something. My mom also teaches SUNDAY SCHOOL and my dad is on the church finance committee. My entire family has been going on an annual pilgrimage for about 10 miles to this shrine
sucks that she's wasting her voice, it'd be much better if instead of spending it singing she spent it in lessons OH WAIT your parents can't afford lessons because they've spent all their money sending their prodigal atheist son to college and it looks like the church would be the best place for her to learn how to sing without paying anything and with the least amount of waste really
Post by: ase on October 28, 2008, 06:06:24 am
why would you go at all when you're away at school, tho?I don't go at all, or at least not this school year. Last year I still went a couple times because I felt horrible lying, because I was still throwing thoughts around in my head, and because I had a semi-religious roommate who went once in a while to the STUDENT mass and said he wouldn't go unless I went so i agreed
But basically what I meant by "woke up late and missed mass" was that I woke up after all possible masses, but I wasn't planning on going either way.
Post by: ase on October 28, 2008, 06:10:29 am
sucks that she's wasting her voice, it'd be much better if instead of spending it singing she spent it in lessons OH WAIT your parents can't afford lessons because they've spent all their money sending their prodigal atheist son to college and it looks like the church would be the best place for her to learn how to sing without paying anything and with the least amount of waste reallythis is true except she's not really LEARNING at all, just PRACTICING. The only one teaching her anything is my mom and my mother has a good voice but is by no means a professional. She's not part of a CHOIR or anything, she just sings solo at church. I've actually helped my sister with her singing a couple times in terms of music theory when she had trouble hitting notes but that's because I got to take out the old *blows dust off* keyboard and say "this is what you're SUPPOSED to be singing"
edit: also haha. I have no idea what would happen if I straight-face told my parents that I'm a HOMOSEXUAL.... Actually they would probably laugh and say "GOOD JOKE, SON WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT ONE"
Post by: headphonics on October 28, 2008, 06:28:13 am
Post by: Marcus on October 28, 2008, 06:48:58 am
Just did my monthly check, guys. How about you!
Post by: baseball19225 on October 28, 2008, 06:53:46 am
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on October 28, 2008, 07:16:19 am
Man I'm getting kind of paranoid. This strange quarter sized lump appeared on my inner thigh near my crotch practically overnight. It's kind of painful (not a sharp pain but touching it or walking does trigger a small sensation) and lumpy. I don't know if it's a tumor, cyst, or a simple bug bite. I did mention earlier in this topic that I had a pus-filled cyst grow out of my arm when I was 10 that went away as mysteriously as it came and I'm not feeling ill so I don't know what to make of this.
Just did my monthly check, guys. How about you!
I can't tell if this is a joke post or not.
Post by: Strangeluv on October 28, 2008, 07:32:36 am
Oh and she once told me she saw Shiva or whatever hovering above her one day.
Post by: Strangeluv on October 28, 2008, 07:39:22 am
Post by: Marcus on October 28, 2008, 08:11:35 am
I can't tell if this is a joke post or not.
It's not. I'm usually not stirred by much but fleshy lumps on my skin usually get my attention especially considering my dad's family has a history with prostate cancer. I get my ass checked yearly as opposed to every five years or whatever doctors recommend.
Post by: Farren on October 28, 2008, 08:19:07 am
My dad's never been a very religious person so I don't really think it bothered him much. But my grandmother is crazy religious and used to send me letters when I was away about me needing salvation and shit and it was really depressing...
I don't know how your relationship with your mom is but why don't you just ask her to sit down and just tell her straight up that you're fine with her praying for you and if you get the free time to do so you'll go with her to whatever religious events she wants FOR MORAL SUPPORT. But you do not believe (explain to her that it is TOTALLY YOU) and you feel that she is being oppressive by forcing her religion on you.
Also tell her that there is a chance that you might possibly die in surgery and that you want to spend what might be the last night you'll ever have with your friends and family without a rigid religious atmosphere. You just want to have fun and whatnot.
Maybe she'll understand? If not buy a bottle of the strongest shit you can and run away like a jaded teenager.
Post by: Death Gulp on October 28, 2008, 10:49:10 am
Post by: baseball19225 on October 28, 2008, 10:54:26 am
Post by: local_dunce on October 28, 2008, 11:31:40 am
Post by: Marcus on October 28, 2008, 11:40:24 am
Post by: fatty on October 28, 2008, 12:25:28 pm
my mum is a dawkins-reading, argumentative atheist. it kinda rules, but is kinda lame.This is actually pretty awesome.
man you guys have shitty parents. like, my mom is muslim and my dad is catholic but just the other night they started a discussion about how people at church want to vote for obama but they have to vote for mccain because of "christian values" and my dad just burst out with "fuck christian values, even jesus said separate church from state!!" and my mom butt in with "yeah, if i offered the mosque my lottery winnings they'd turn it down but ask for it as an anonymous check. organized religion is as much politics as politics is."Th-this is even more awesome, sorry.
Well, what can I say. Both my grandmothers are pretty religious and both my grandfathers are not, one has once entered a church and said "FUCK YOU ALL, YOU HYPOCRITICAL PEDOPHILIC PIECES OF SHIT, IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I'D STRAP MYSELF UP WITH SOME EXPLOSIVES AND BLOW UP YOUR HOLY MOUNTAIN WITH EVERY ONE OF YOU IN IT" and is generally really pissed off whenever a priest talks on tv, he still is somewhat spiritual though, I remember him saying that "if you believe in a higher power, go up a fucking hill and look up at the fucking sky or something". My other granddad has said that "if Jesus really did exist, he was a great man, but under no circumstances is he divine in any way; he was just a normal family man." He also said something about heaven and hell not existing and that our lives can be either heaven or hell.
I was talking with my dad about the beatles one day and I asked him what religion they followed and then sometime i somehow came up and said that one of my friends is an atheist(i was still some sort of christian back then, but I never actually thought about it), and he said that he was an atheist too. Oh and the day before last, a neighbor came to my dad's store and said that she went on a pilgrimage or some other shit and my dad went all like "I am an atheist, I don't believe in this sort of stuff. Feel free to do anything you wish with your spiritual life, I just don't relate to it." My mom is not exactly a Jesus freak, but my godmother is, and she nearly died twice because she abstained from eating for religious purposes; which is one of the reasons I dislike religion, it makes the people I love hurt themselves.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 01:59:10 pm
I by no means know what is best but I really think you guys that are closet atheists would be doing yourselves and your parents a favour by just coming clean about your beliefs.
my mom is not like this; I mean she stopped being mad already and as long as I show up to some indian shit occasionally (mostly social gatherings) I doubt she cares too much.
it was just surprising that I can say I BELIEVE THERE'S NO GOD and she'll just say "k" but if you actually tell someone else you are atheist she gets upset. seriously if you are feeling ballsy do this! in the past I've said shit like THERE IS NO GOD in front of friends and they are all "heh that peo" but then I say atheist and they freak out a little EVERYONE NEEDS FAITH MARK...EVERYONE.
not me b*ch ive got my tupac.
Post by: jamie on October 28, 2008, 02:22:11 pm
which is why i've always gotten really surprised when i hear people say things like have been said in this topic although i'm getting less surprised as i hear them more and more. it's a real stinker if your parents will actually disown you or whatever if you say you don't believe in god, i mean it seems like the whole family bond there must be less important to them than their religion? that's when things get really nuts!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 02:23:20 pm
not my mom she owns usually.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 02:23:41 pm
Post by: Strangeluv on October 28, 2008, 03:24:43 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 03:27:26 pm
Post by: Strangeluv on October 28, 2008, 03:29:23 pm
Anyway, PUBLIC HOLIDAY, so it's not bad
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 08:44:44 pm
I'll also write a gay post before I go heh.
Post by: ase on October 28, 2008, 08:46:47 pm
Post by: the_nackster on October 28, 2008, 09:45:41 pm
Post by: Wil on October 28, 2008, 10:26:36 pm
Post by: fatty on October 28, 2008, 10:39:05 pm
Post by: Seawed on October 28, 2008, 10:49:50 pm
Anyway, we're all keeping our fingers crossed.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 28, 2008, 10:51:44 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on October 28, 2008, 10:54:36 pm
Post by: Bisse on October 28, 2008, 11:11:22 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on October 28, 2008, 11:19:52 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on October 28, 2008, 11:32:45 pm
Post by: Mince Wobley on October 28, 2008, 11:40:51 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 29, 2008, 01:21:55 am
Post by: Vellfire on October 29, 2008, 01:27:43 am
Post by: Sarevok on October 29, 2008, 01:42:13 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 29, 2008, 02:01:20 am
Post by: Farren on October 29, 2008, 02:07:25 am
Post by: ase on October 29, 2008, 02:28:47 am
while he's in surgery we should change as much about the site as we can and pretend it's always been this way.haha yes but we have to get rid of the evidence (your post and this response)
Post by: bort on October 29, 2008, 02:31:41 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 29, 2008, 02:42:19 am
seriously you are some good people and its been real.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 29, 2008, 02:43:14 am
Post by: ase on October 29, 2008, 02:46:26 am
you're going to do just fine.
Post by: Ryan on October 29, 2008, 03:25:18 am
you'll be fine!!! stay strong pidge...stay strong
Post by: Sludgelord on October 29, 2008, 03:49:04 am
Post by: headphonics on October 29, 2008, 04:01:07 am
Post by: Vanit on October 29, 2008, 04:03:11 am
Post by: Biggles on October 29, 2008, 04:23:28 am
Post by: SW on October 29, 2008, 04:39:48 am
Post by: Hundley on October 29, 2008, 04:40:51 am
Post by: Rye Bread on October 29, 2008, 04:56:55 am
Post by: Niitaka on October 29, 2008, 06:50:16 am
Post by: headphonics on October 29, 2008, 06:53:43 am
Post by: Farren on October 29, 2008, 08:07:21 am
Post by: GirlBones on October 29, 2008, 08:20:33 am
Post by: jamie on October 29, 2008, 09:09:16 am
Post by: the_nackster on October 29, 2008, 10:38:42 am
Post by: Death Gulp on October 29, 2008, 01:00:49 pm
Post by: Frankie on October 29, 2008, 01:03:43 pm
Post by: Guana on October 29, 2008, 01:13:42 pm
Post by: GirlBones on October 29, 2008, 04:37:02 pm
good luck steel we are all pulling for you
Post by: maladroithim on October 29, 2008, 04:48:41 pm
Jesus Christ I am shitting bricks :(
I wish I hadn't read this thread because now I am so worried.
Post by: kentona on October 29, 2008, 05:05:18 pm
I hope everything is going/went well.
Post by: dickface jones on October 29, 2008, 05:11:03 pm
Post by: Haunted-House on October 29, 2008, 05:13:36 pm
Post by: Bill Murray on October 29, 2008, 05:33:39 pm
Post by: Lifexplosion on October 29, 2008, 06:08:35 pm
Post by: Ryan on October 29, 2008, 09:23:29 pm
Post by: ase on October 29, 2008, 09:32:31 pm
pus every time i've been in a hospital things were always delayed so.....
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on October 29, 2008, 09:38:58 pm
Post by: dada on October 29, 2008, 10:22:03 pm
Post by: Revolutionist on October 29, 2008, 11:02:36 pm
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 01:11:48 am
Post by: headphonics on October 30, 2008, 01:17:16 am
Post by: goldenratio on October 30, 2008, 01:18:37 am
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 01:19:37 am
Post by: Puppet Master on October 30, 2008, 01:25:37 am
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 01:26:02 am
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 01:32:10 am
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 01:33:09 am
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 01:52:11 am
Post by: Vellfire on October 30, 2008, 01:58:08 am
Post by: PTizzle on October 30, 2008, 01:59:10 am
but I want to know what's going on : (
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on October 30, 2008, 02:00:18 am
(from what his mom said)
CELEBRATION!!!!
He's currently still unconscious and in ICU but they'll bring him back up over (presumably) a few hours, and he'll be out of ICU by the time I see him on Friday. If anyone wants to send a message to him let me know and I'll make something on the plotter and bring it to him.
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 02:00:51 am
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 02:00:58 am
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 02:01:14 am
Post by: PTizzle on October 30, 2008, 02:01:39 am
But in all seriousness that's great news. Go Steel!
Post by: Wil on October 30, 2008, 02:02:27 am
Post by: Barack Obama on October 30, 2008, 02:03:13 am
THE SURGERY WENT SWIMMINGLY AND THEY GOT ALL OF THE TUMOR OUT
(from what his mom said)
CELEBRATION!!!!
He's currently still unconscious and in ICU but they'll bring him back up over (presumably) a few hours, and he'll be out of ICU by the time I see him on Friday. If anyone wants to send a message to him let me know and I'll make something on the plotter and bring it to him.
Draw a penis.... for me
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 02:03:43 am
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 02:03:57 am
Post by: baseball19225 on October 30, 2008, 02:07:20 am
im gay
Post by: Vellfire on October 30, 2008, 02:08:02 am
also tell him that i found a facebook profile of a hipster girl at my school that is EXACTLY the shit he says not to do in his facebook article....seriously, she lists all but one of the musical artists he said not to (that one was marley but i think the other WALL OF TEXT she has makes up for that), the rest of it follows suit
Post by: Fire Mage on October 30, 2008, 02:08:27 am
Post by: Boulvae on October 30, 2008, 02:08:35 am
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 02:09:42 am
holy shit i just did strangeluv!
Maybe make me a gmod, fire Atari???
Post by: Wil on October 30, 2008, 02:10:05 am
Post by: baseball19225 on October 30, 2008, 02:10:27 am
Post by: Shepperd on October 30, 2008, 02:10:56 am
live and make a difference
Post by: Wil on October 30, 2008, 02:11:06 am
YES!!! Now all thats left is Obama winning the election and I will declare this the best year ever.It would be EVEN BETTER if he didn't get cancer in the first place!
Post by: headphonics on October 30, 2008, 02:15:18 am
Post by: Shepperd on October 30, 2008, 02:16:19 am
Post by: Revolutionist on October 30, 2008, 02:17:55 am
Now the ultimate question as to when you get back... Are you going to still continue to smoke? Or are you going to try to get rid of that habit now? Honestly going through something like this may have changed your mind but ultimately its your decision obviously... If you do decide to continue to smoke, don't go overboard with it anymore, do it in moderation so that it has little to no effect..
Post by: headphonics on October 30, 2008, 02:20:13 am
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 02:20:34 am
Post by: Sapsuker on October 30, 2008, 02:20:58 am
i've been following this for a while and i'm very pleased that steel made it.
my old english teacher had cancer. he was awesome. he's super passive-aggressive and comes off as an asshole but actually gives really good advice. one day he's just like "i'm not going to be here tomorrow. gotta check up on the doctor." and we're all "why is that mr. teacher." and he says "oh, well, i had cancer a few years ago. no big deal. this is just a final check-up and then i can put this whole thing behind me." and everyone instantly stopped hating him.
i don't know why i posted that but again, congratulations steel. pidgeotto ain'tt nothing to fuck wit
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 02:21:07 am
Post by: Sarevok on October 30, 2008, 02:21:22 am
thankfully I'm grinning like an idiot now
maybe thats cause i am one
now quit slacking and get back to work, write some articles already damnit
Post by: Kole on October 30, 2008, 02:23:56 am
Cancer: 0
get well soon!
Post by: Alec on October 30, 2008, 02:28:49 am
Post by: Sludgelord on October 30, 2008, 02:31:42 am
Post by: esiann on October 30, 2008, 02:36:51 am
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 02:38:59 am
wow holy shit at like 6:07 all the lights went out so i thought it was a sign that... i was too late to stay the execution... whatever the fuck that means, but aaah holy shit that is quite nice. now its just not gettin pneumonia and then recupin and then writing a novelI call the rights to the post-cancer novel and autobiography. everyone else fuck off
Post by: Vellfire on October 30, 2008, 02:40:51 am
i found that image saved on my hard drive two days ago
Post by: Puppet Master on October 30, 2008, 02:41:42 am
I was really worried about this.
Tell him I said "Hi" and "I'm very glad you made it"
Post by: goldenratio on October 30, 2008, 02:46:51 am
pass it on sredni
Post by: PTizzle on October 30, 2008, 03:13:40 am
Tell him PTizzle will write a song for him called 'Fuck Cancer' when he gets back.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 30, 2008, 03:28:09 am
I call the rights to the post-cancer novel and autobiography. everyone else fuck off
i think someone got the rights to his autobiography long before you did sorry bro!
this must be a really strange time for steel having to accept that he was wrong!
Post by: Brown on October 30, 2008, 03:36:16 am
Tell him PTizzle will write a song for him called 'Fuck Cancer' when he gets back.
I still have "gimme premium" on my mp3 player. :fogetcool:
get well fast trystero / pideogottto22563
Post by: headphonics on October 30, 2008, 03:40:16 am
Post by: Wash Cycle on October 30, 2008, 03:48:12 am
partly inspired by steel's bout with a tumor on his lung and partly inspired by a taste aversion that I developed today because of some really stale tobacco
Post by: Neophyte on October 30, 2008, 03:48:35 am
I'll rally up G&D.
Nice job, congrats, etc steel.
Post by: Niitaka on October 30, 2008, 03:49:32 am
tell him to start the first letter of his nanowrimo with the first part of his body he can move.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on October 30, 2008, 03:56:50 am
tell him mog says hopefully he'll use this opportunity to be a better person
I still stand by that sentiment! Glad to see that everything went well.
Post by: Hundley on October 30, 2008, 04:09:46 am
i am an ultra-negative person who expected the worst so i went through today thinking about how horrifying it is to lose one of the best people i've ever met. the true reality of NO MORE STEEL EVER/GONE FOREVER FROM THE UNIVERSE
being mistaken has never felt so good before
Now the ultimate question as to when you get back... Are you going to still continue to smoke? Or are you going to try to get rid of that habit now? Honestly going through something like this may have changed your mind but ultimately its your decision obviously... If you do decide to continue to smoke, don't go overboard with it anymore, do it in moderation so that it has little to no effect..this is the best post in this thread!!
I quit smoking cigarettes todaygood luck!!!
i also quit in large part to THE ADVENTURES OF STEEL and have gone over a month without nicotine
this makes two people who have tried quitting because of steel?? or maybe there are more???
tell him to start the first letter of his nanowrimo with the first part of his body he can move.CHAPTER 1: MEINPENIS
Post by: Niitaka on October 30, 2008, 04:50:07 am
i also quit in large part to THE ADVENTURES OF STEEL and have gone over a month without nicotine
this makes two people who have tried quitting because of steel?? or maybe there are more???
i have to give you and other people quitting smoking props because i know from family experience how hard it is. it just sounds like a miserable time made worse because you know you can make it better if you just SMOKE ONE CIGARETTE and you have to fight the urge.
eat sunflower seeds maybe????? (this is what my grandfather did)
every time i think of a smoker quitting i think of Thank You For Smoking where the guy gets all these nicotine patches slapped over him.
Post by: Rye Bread on October 30, 2008, 05:09:05 am
Also yeah, I quit smoking about a month ago as well.
Post by: Strangeluv on October 30, 2008, 05:09:17 am
Post by: PTizzle on October 30, 2008, 05:22:14 am
This is great news.
Also yeah, I quit smoking about a month ago as well.
yeah i was meant to do this
I've cut back to less than half though!
baby steps :(
Post by: Ryan on October 30, 2008, 05:32:49 am
Post by: maladroithim on October 30, 2008, 05:34:04 am
man i am super happy
i am an ultra-negative person who expected the worst so i went through today thinking about how horrifying it is to lose one of the best people i've ever met. the true reality of NO MORE STEEL EVER/GONE FOREVER FROM THE UNIVERSE
I felt exactly the same way :(
Steel I am so happy you made it!! :fogetbackflip: :fogetbackflip: :fogetbackflip: :fogetbackflip: :fogetbackflip:
Post by: dada on October 30, 2008, 08:04:05 am
Post by: big ass skelly on October 30, 2008, 08:49:38 am
Post by: Christophomicus on October 30, 2008, 09:13:19 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 30, 2008, 09:48:02 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on October 30, 2008, 09:59:54 am
Post by: fatty on October 30, 2008, 11:06:20 am
also, I am v. happy right now.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on October 30, 2008, 12:16:25 pm
Send my best, Srendi.
Srend my best?
Post by: cowardknower on October 30, 2008, 12:24:18 pm
Post by: dickface jones on October 30, 2008, 12:29:46 pm
Post by: esp on October 30, 2008, 12:40:54 pm
congrats steel. really
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 30, 2008, 03:26:19 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 30, 2008, 03:29:52 pm
thigns look ok.there were TWO HUGE TUMORS/ the doctor was very scared. but he got it out.
i'll be in hospital for a bit tho. will tell sredni to updater you guys if anythign hapens. things look good. only tewo things
MY DICK HAS A HUGE CATHETER IN IT
and
my right foot is completely numb. this sucks because i have to walk to keep pneumonia off. i will tell you more later. much love.
Post by: dickface jones on October 30, 2008, 03:31:13 pm
Post by: jamie on October 30, 2008, 03:51:59 pm
hi :)
hello!
Post by: Ryan on October 30, 2008, 04:01:12 pm
you guys made me cry. anyways i have a iv in my right hanf so im typing one handed. wait looks like ican type but poorly.
thigns look ok.there were TWO HUGE TUMORS/ the doctor was very scared. but he got it out.
i'll be in hospital for a bit tho. will tell sredni to updater you guys if anythign hapens. things look good. only tewo things
MY DICK HAS A HUGE CATHETER IN IT
and
my right foot is completely numb. this sucks because i have to walk to keep pneumonia off. i will tell you more later. much love.
you're the best, man.
Post by: rpg1hero on October 30, 2008, 04:02:24 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on October 30, 2008, 04:13:15 pm
Post by: Ryan on October 30, 2008, 04:13:36 pm
Post by: Niitaka on October 30, 2008, 04:28:36 pm
Post by: fatty on October 30, 2008, 04:32:38 pm
Post by: Frankie on October 30, 2008, 05:00:40 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on October 30, 2008, 05:06:34 pm
Post by: Sarevok on October 30, 2008, 06:00:53 pm
she just wanted to touch the penis...of a cancer beating hero
Post by: ThugTears666 on October 30, 2008, 06:16:54 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 30, 2008, 06:22:22 pm
Post by: the_nackster on October 30, 2008, 06:29:31 pm
Post by: dada on October 30, 2008, 06:31:22 pm
Hey I'm kinda hoping you are actually getting something out of these stupid jokes like you say you are!
Post by: Farren on October 30, 2008, 06:52:25 pm
I can't even visualize a tube embedded in my dick hole without cringing terribly.
Post by: Guana on October 30, 2008, 07:05:58 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 30, 2008, 07:53:14 pm
the othrt hanfd has noytingling!!!!
Post by: Barack Obama on October 30, 2008, 08:07:17 pm
Also I dare you to try to get a boner. Cuz you could totally give yourself a stranger if ur hand is numb
Post by: Warped655 on October 30, 2008, 08:10:36 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 30, 2008, 08:21:11 pm
i hope his is nothunhg
Post by: DS on October 30, 2008, 08:28:36 pm
Post by: crone_lover720 on October 30, 2008, 08:30:11 pm
Post by: Brent Murray on October 30, 2008, 08:32:21 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 30, 2008, 08:35:13 pm
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 09:16:32 pm
they've got a betting pool going on for steel dying. i heard drevean's put in a few hundred bucks
Post by: Boulvae on October 30, 2008, 09:22:26 pm
Anyways hope your fever goes away man.
Post by: Revolutionist on October 30, 2008, 10:19:17 pm
"HE'S ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Post by: ThugTears666 on October 30, 2008, 11:36:51 pm
http://www.rpgmaker.net/forums/index.php?topic=2341.0
notice how wip locked the topic hahaha
Post by: datamanc3r on October 30, 2008, 11:43:30 pm
Post by: The Ghost on October 30, 2008, 11:46:37 pm
I'm working on all the final arrangements for your movie. I'm aiming to make it like the 50 cent movie but more accurate and less HOLLYWOOD GANGSTA shit.
Shot 9 times and living or cancer fighter + dick tube...
You already know who wins this.
Post by: The Ghost on October 30, 2008, 11:48:38 pm
We can make a Mccain war hero seen too. I'm just going to smack on a grayscale filter.
Post by: ase on October 30, 2008, 11:48:52 pm
Steel is the latest rpgmaking craze:ahahahahahahahahahahahaha
http://www.rpgmaker.net/forums/index.php?topic=2341.0
notice how wip locked the topic hahaha
Post by: goldenratio on October 31, 2008, 12:23:14 am
can we ban wip in honor of steel and in light of this
Post by: ThugTears666 on October 31, 2008, 12:26:04 am
**locked
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 31, 2008, 12:26:58 am
Post by: Strangeluv on October 31, 2008, 12:33:15 am
Post by: goldenratio on October 31, 2008, 12:36:47 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on October 31, 2008, 12:45:23 am
can we ban wip in honor of steel and in light of this
yeah that is a cool idea imo
Post by: Farren on October 31, 2008, 12:54:03 am
I BET HE WILL
Post by: Vellfire on October 31, 2008, 01:18:33 am
Quote
Man yeah when Steel said he had cancer everyone thought he was making up. We continued to think that until we saw the photos of him where he was all swollen and yucky and bald.
Even still there's a part of me that would not be surprised that the whole thing is a prank because you know Steel
ffff EVEN AFTER WE SAW THE PHOTOS WE STILL THINK THE WHOLE THING IS A PRANK (BECAUSE YOU KNOW STEEL, HE'D TOTALLY LIE ABOUT HAVING CANCER FOR ALL THIS TIME)
edit: and when he says "everyone thought he was making it up" did they mean on RMN or here because uh no one here really believed he was making it up!
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 31, 2008, 01:19:33 am
Post by: ase on October 31, 2008, 01:20:16 am
he's too tired to yell at WIP
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 31, 2008, 03:03:52 am
Post by: headphonics on October 31, 2008, 03:22:35 am
Let's play: You know Steel has cancer when___________3+ typos per word
he's too tired to yell at WIP
or maybe hes just been drinking again lol...
Post by: goldenratio on October 31, 2008, 03:27:12 am
Post by: Neok on October 31, 2008, 05:34:46 am
Man I'm so late to the party.
Post by: dada on October 31, 2008, 07:05:32 am
Steel is the latest rpgmaking craze:Good to know there are still people out there who believe nonexistent community feuds are equal to cancer.
http://www.rpgmaker.net/forums/index.php?topic=2341.0
notice how wip locked the topic hahaha
I still wonder what those "specific reasons" are.
Post by: Marcus on October 31, 2008, 07:28:21 am
cancer: 0 (unless you count all those guys who ever died because of cancer but cancer today has been defeated)
i am cracking open a bottle of champagne if anyone wants to join in then post a BRO FIST or you are not a bro
Post by: Ryan on October 31, 2008, 12:04:11 pm
Quote from: brandon abley
Man yeah when Steel said he had cancer everyone thought he was making up. We continued to think that until we saw the photos of him where he was all swollen and yucky and bald.
Even still there's a part of me that would not be surprised that the whole thing is a prank because you know Steel
jholy shit?? did anyone actually think he would MAKE IT UP about having cancer?
Post by: Vellfire on October 31, 2008, 12:08:28 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 12:28:19 pm
Post by: fatty on October 31, 2008, 01:01:21 pm
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on October 31, 2008, 01:28:43 pm
Post by: RPG on October 31, 2008, 01:53:47 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 31, 2008, 04:12:32 pm
im feeling bad, v. sick, nauseous.
Post by: tuxedo marx on October 31, 2008, 04:23:08 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 31, 2008, 04:44:52 pm
has anyone here ever had major surgery btw? it's incredibly awful. I had like five ivs, including one in my groin, and then they took out a piece of my lung!!!
Post by: WIP on October 31, 2008, 04:45:13 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 05:00:07 pm
Post by: WIP on October 31, 2008, 05:06:31 pm
Post by: Ryan on October 31, 2008, 05:08:47 pm
I am glad you lack the comprehension to understand my reasons for locking the topic. I try to stem off any bullshit that gets thrown RMN's way from GW and it never works. I tell Steel "good luck with fighting cancer" and I am chastized. You people are absolutely amazing.
well for one you're talking to MARK (i think??)
and two I still fail to see how steel having cancer is in any way 'bullshit from gw.' it's your site so it's obv. your decision but I see no real reason for locking that topic!
Post by: kentona on October 31, 2008, 05:08:56 pm
Post by: WIP on October 31, 2008, 05:09:50 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 31, 2008, 05:12:48 pm
here's some bad news: something is wrong with my right foot and they dont know what. its numb and hurts sometimes and they don't know why!
Post by: Ryan on October 31, 2008, 05:12:59 pm
I agree that it would be more intelligent to post them here, but that's no reason to lock a topic basically to wish a member of a larger online community (rpg making) well.
Post by: kentona on October 31, 2008, 05:15:17 pm
yea i dont actually care. thanks for posting anyways him, but it was a bit weird since i dont have an account at rmn.That sucks. What do they suspect it is? Anesthetic (sp)?
here's some bad news: something is wrong with my right foot and they dont know what. its numb and hurts sometimes and they don't know why!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 31, 2008, 05:17:26 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on October 31, 2008, 05:19:41 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 05:19:57 pm
I am glad you lack the comprehension to understand my reasons for locking the topic. I try to stem off any bullshit that gets thrown RMN's way from GW and it never works. I tell Steel "good luck with fighting cancer" and I am chastized. You people are absolutely amazing.maybe I don't have a doctorate in rpg making but KNOW THIS rockefeller: your what the latins used to call a homo sapien.. HEARD OF IT?!
vote yes on 8
Post by: tuxedo marx on October 31, 2008, 05:21:52 pm
I try to stem off any bullshit that gets thrown RMN's way from GW and it never works.does this include your member base?
Post by: Ryan on October 31, 2008, 05:24:13 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 05:26:18 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 31, 2008, 05:29:02 pm
altho like i said if it ended up being mold I would have said IVE GOT...RAP CANCER.
also my mom took some pics of me walking around so you can maybe see my dick tube.
Post by: dark_crystalis on October 31, 2008, 05:46:15 pm
We should make a picture topic with Steel's pictures from all of this and name it: Steel Paladine Beats Cancer, What's Next? And then we could invent awesome story of how Steel can defeat anything. He's the new Chuck Norris!
Post by: maladroithim on October 31, 2008, 07:35:08 pm
EDIT: Like I was just really ridiculously worried and had a horrible day because of it. I don't know I thought asking people to pray would help somehow :(
PS: Congrats Steel we are all very happy!
Post by: Jeff on October 31, 2008, 07:49:07 pm
Post by: Kaworu on October 31, 2008, 07:54:09 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 08:00:41 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on October 31, 2008, 08:02:40 pm
good news is I got the hand IV out. still aches. bad news; haven't walked yet! nausea stopped me.
Post by: Jeff on October 31, 2008, 08:03:19 pm
Post by: dada on October 31, 2008, 08:06:45 pm
I'LL STOP THE GW/RMN THING WHEN THEY STOP STEALING OUR NEWBSBy the way, the reason why I told you to make some serious posts in addition to just joking around is because you are not funny enough!
Post by: Farren on October 31, 2008, 10:14:55 pm
the verdict is that you sir. are not funny psoter so stop the funny or suffer the consequence
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 10:40:12 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 10:46:23 pm
hello my name is dada I am the funny judgeWhat the fuck is this dude? Don't make digs at other members please.
the verdict is that you sir. are not funny psoter so stop the funny or suffer the consequence
Reporting this post
Post by: Farren on October 31, 2008, 10:48:50 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on October 31, 2008, 11:03:14 pm
Post by: Kitsune Inferno on October 31, 2008, 11:30:41 pm
But, how are you posting if you are in the hospital still? I mean, my guess would be by laptop, unless you are actually already at home. Even then, if you are in the hospital, I had no idea they let patients use their laptops, but I don't visit the hospital often.
Anyways, with that aside? I know you probably hate me/think I'm shit, but I wish you the best of luck. I can hardly imagine how much pain you are going through and I only wish you the best. :)
Post by: Mince Wobley on October 31, 2008, 11:48:16 pm
Post by: goldenratio on November 01, 2008, 12:01:58 am
Post by: Strangeluv on November 01, 2008, 12:07:50 am
Post by: Boulvae on November 01, 2008, 12:13:02 am
Post by: Vellfire on November 01, 2008, 12:18:33 am
Truly an insperation to us all, now whats god gonna do to make up for that tube in his dick.
give him the internet in his brain for real
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 01, 2008, 04:42:06 pm
also got diarheaa heh. THANKS FOR ALLTHOSE FUCKING STOOL SOFTENERS.\
this is so much pain man. if you can avoid surgery, do it!
Post by: Vale on November 01, 2008, 04:45:28 pm
Post by: Lars on November 01, 2008, 04:55:28 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 01, 2008, 05:44:05 pm
ALSO
DICK TUBE
HOLY FUCK THAT HURT SO MUCH.
Post by: Boulvae on November 01, 2008, 07:08:44 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on November 02, 2008, 08:40:09 am
i did, they pulled it just now.
ALSO
DICK TUBE
HOLY FUCK THAT HURT SO MUCH.
did u try getting a boner yet?
Post by: Sarevok on November 02, 2008, 10:22:25 am
Truly an insperation to us all, now whats god gonna do to make up for that tube in his dick.
That WAS the reward
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 02, 2008, 04:59:17 pm
did u try getting a boner yet?
got one this morning.
also: yesterday was the worst day of my life. I was beginning people to overdose me on painmeds. something's gone wrong, and my two buttcheeks are in severe pain. not like HEH YOU ASSHOLE, but the parts hooked to your thighs. got so bad I stopped using words; I just spoke in tongues and grunted.
when I feel better I'll elaborate but my GOD if you can avoid major surgery, do so. quit any habit that will lead to you losin a piece of your lung!
Post by: Puppet Master on November 02, 2008, 05:05:25 pm
Post by: FrostyPink on November 02, 2008, 05:12:02 pm
I'm sorry to hear about your ass, Steel.You mean: "Lord Steel, I'm quite upset to hear about the current situation concerning your buttocks."
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 02, 2008, 05:15:06 pm
Post by: pburn on November 02, 2008, 05:20:36 pm
^____________^;;
Post by: datamanc3r on November 02, 2008, 05:36:15 pm
Anyway, there's still gotta be a way you can sue for surgical malpractice.
And on a serious note, how sure are you that all of the cancer was surgically removed?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 02, 2008, 07:34:38 pm
Post by: dada on November 02, 2008, 07:38:50 pm
Keep us posted! When will they tell you whether any of the stuff they cut was still alive?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 02, 2008, 07:59:03 pm
at which point i'll post some weepy bullshit we keep the topic open briefly and then lock it hopefully forever.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 02, 2008, 08:57:36 pm
panda...steel...remember you cruel words...
Post by: Barack Obama on November 02, 2008, 10:08:52 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 02, 2008, 10:32:19 pm
Post by: Jeff on November 03, 2008, 12:29:15 am
Post by: Boulvae on November 03, 2008, 12:31:38 am
Post by: ase on November 03, 2008, 12:34:25 am
Shouldn't this topic be like "I no longer have cancer" or "I probably don't have cancer now" or something? You should be more optimistic!well, I've been making all of the topic title changes, so...... i don't really know
Post by: Death Gulp on November 03, 2008, 12:35:48 am
Post by: Vellfire on November 03, 2008, 12:46:03 am
Post by: goldenratio on November 03, 2008, 12:48:09 am
Post by: Death Gulp on November 03, 2008, 12:48:19 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 03, 2008, 12:48:48 am
the feces thing was if i didn't make it. would it be APPROPRIATE? because i dont even know what i'd want in that situation.
Post by: Boulvae on November 03, 2008, 12:53:01 am
Post by: goldenratio on November 03, 2008, 12:53:53 am
Post by: halibabica on November 03, 2008, 03:34:05 pm
Just throwing out ideas...
Post by: Frankie on November 03, 2008, 04:36:57 pm
Itll be called Magical Negro chronicles: oracle of steel
The protagonist is a crab that fights a black giant. (the crab dies at the end, its tragic)
(sorry I cant think of a gameplay idea that would make steel the protagonist????)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 06, 2008, 09:10:38 pm
I have an uphill climb of recovery still, from surgery mostly. things wont be normal for months yet.
but the words you've been waiting for since May 28th. well over five months ago.
I beat cancer.
Post by: bick on November 06, 2008, 09:14:00 pm
it's over. I went in for my blood test and the pathology report had arrived. there were no active cancer cells in the removed tumors. it's gone. possibly forever.That's incredible. Glad to see you pulled through
I have an uphill climb of recovery still, from surgery mostly. things wont be normal for months yet.
but the words you've been waiting for since May 28th. well over five months ago.
I beat cancer.
Post by: JMickle on November 06, 2008, 09:15:15 pm
I beat cancer.
YEAH!!!
I know I haven't posted in this thread until now ( i think ) but I'm really glad your ok.
Post by: Cray on November 06, 2008, 09:16:30 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 06, 2008, 09:22:23 pm
i mean, i'll have blood tests, gotta go to clinics to get my stitches checked, every cough etc for the next year will send me into paroxysms of fear and yes it could come back but...
it's over.
my shoulders seriously slumped. it genuinely feels like a burden is gone.
god if only the surgical recovery would leave too!
Post by: Vale on November 06, 2008, 09:23:25 pm
Congrats mate!
Post by: dada on November 06, 2008, 09:25:11 pm
Post by: dada on November 06, 2008, 09:25:19 pm
Post by: Mince Wobley on November 06, 2008, 09:33:25 pm
Post by: Cheshire Cat on November 06, 2008, 09:44:29 pm
Alright.
Post by: big ass skelly on November 06, 2008, 09:45:36 pm
Now you can kick back with your fav grisham and really RELAX you know? Cancer's got a way of being constantly on your mind (especially brain cancer :()
Post by: goldenratio on November 06, 2008, 09:47:31 pm
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/24779/wolviepunch6.gif)
goodbye cancer
today is a glorious day
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 06, 2008, 09:49:34 pm
Just a question are you going to be sterile forever or was that just temporary?
dont know, wont care unless i have to.
Post by: fatty on November 06, 2008, 09:52:54 pm
Congratulations dude. This is excellent news.
Post by: Parker on November 06, 2008, 09:54:45 pm
Post by: ase on November 06, 2008, 09:57:42 pm
President Obama and Steel beats cancer all in one week!
Post by: Ryan on November 06, 2008, 10:03:27 pm
Post by: TFT on November 06, 2008, 10:06:05 pm
headshots: 0
graphics: 50
abs: 30
money collected xxx
Post by: Cheshire Cat on November 06, 2008, 10:11:08 pm
This genuinely makes me happy and i'm really, really glad you're ok. The other day i had a friend round, sorting out some
costumes, lending him some tweed, and he saw a gaming world tab. He asked if there was any news on gaming world.
Normally i'd plead ignorance and close the tab, but i simply announced 'Steels beating cancer'.
I didnt explain it much but he was pleased for you.
I dont talk to you or anything, but it's great news and i'm shockingly pleased. Well done, and wishing you a speedy recovery.
Post by: Pilla on November 06, 2008, 10:17:33 pm
Post by: HL on November 06, 2008, 10:18:32 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on November 06, 2008, 10:45:48 pm
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on November 06, 2008, 10:50:11 pm
Post by: Lars on November 06, 2008, 10:50:18 pm
Post by: Bart on November 06, 2008, 10:53:10 pm
it's over. I went in for my blood test and the pathology report had arrived. there were no active cancer cells in the removed tumors. it's gone. possibly forever.
I have an uphill climb of recovery still, from surgery mostly. things wont be normal for months yet.
but the words you've been waiting for since May 28th. well over five months ago.
I beat cancer.
wow, awesome. a hearty congratulations from my girlfriend and I!
Post by: Mamamack on November 06, 2008, 11:15:40 pm
Post by: Bobberticus on November 06, 2008, 11:17:34 pm
I beat cancer.whoa sweet you must've got a lot of exp points
Post by: Boulvae on November 06, 2008, 11:17:46 pm
Except, +10 manly points for Steel.
Post by: Death Gulp on November 06, 2008, 11:26:41 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on November 06, 2008, 11:40:56 pm
ps conglaturation pal
Post by: Beasley on November 07, 2008, 12:37:37 am
write some articles mr.
Post by: Frankie on November 07, 2008, 12:50:53 am
We want pics of you giving a thumbs up!!!!
Post by: rapstar on November 07, 2008, 01:44:26 am
Post by: Mama Luigi on November 07, 2008, 02:00:50 am
Post by: Jeff on November 07, 2008, 02:01:00 am
You're fired.
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on November 07, 2008, 02:01:16 am
Congrats, Steel.
Post by: Arias on November 07, 2008, 02:04:24 am
But, I was extremely happy to hear this news man.
Congrats, you did it.
Post by: Christophomicus on November 07, 2008, 02:05:20 am
Post by: Moriason on November 07, 2008, 02:17:04 am
Steel - 1
Cancer - 0
Congratulations, I can't imagine what a relief it must be. And your family must be so overwhelmed.
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on November 07, 2008, 02:36:44 am
Post by: Sludgelord on November 07, 2008, 02:40:37 am
Post by: jamie on November 07, 2008, 03:13:59 am
Post by: Standard Toaster on November 07, 2008, 04:45:04 am
And thus, the conclusion of a long journey.more like his journey is resuming after an unfortunate pause
Congrats, Steel.
congrats man, i couldn't be happier for you!
november 08 is shaping up to be a great month
Post by: Shepperd on November 07, 2008, 04:49:30 am
Post by: Bizzle on November 07, 2008, 05:17:36 am
Post by: goldenratio on November 07, 2008, 05:28:41 am
Post by: DoctorEars on November 07, 2008, 07:55:16 am
Post by: dickface jones on November 07, 2008, 12:38:42 pm
Post by: headphonics on November 07, 2008, 12:39:21 pm
Post by: DarkPriest on November 07, 2008, 01:55:28 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on November 07, 2008, 02:07:10 pm
Post by: Niitaka on November 07, 2008, 07:31:33 pm
this rules
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 07, 2008, 07:33:49 pm
Post by: maladroithim on November 07, 2008, 09:01:15 pm
Post by: Lifexplosion on November 07, 2008, 09:34:40 pm
Post by: Otokonoko on November 08, 2008, 04:17:54 am
wait what the hell am i doing here this isn't right
Post by: pburn on November 08, 2008, 04:23:54 am
If Steel can beat cancer.....
then I can do anything.....................
Post by: Shepperd on November 08, 2008, 04:32:20 am
Post by: ATARI on November 08, 2008, 04:53:48 am
Post by: Drule on November 08, 2008, 09:55:10 am
Post by: Biggles on November 08, 2008, 10:00:20 am
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 08, 2008, 11:30:55 am
So now you should keep up an optimistic attitude and... don't stress yourself too much (i read it can make the cancer again) and uh, do a lot of things you have wanted to do (carpe diem, etc)etc etc
i'm not very good at this
Post by: Bisse on November 08, 2008, 02:36:06 pm
Also for some reason I never really thought it would go any other way than this.
Post by: Mateui on November 08, 2008, 02:38:03 pm
Post by: dicko on November 08, 2008, 03:27:59 pm
well done steel, good show.
Post by: Revolutionist on November 08, 2008, 04:43:40 pm
Post by: ase on November 08, 2008, 04:56:59 pm
i remember at the beginning of this you said you were deferring college for a year. are you still doing that, or do you think you might be able to start next semester (January)?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 08, 2008, 05:32:57 pm
also surgery hurts :(
Post by: GZ on November 08, 2008, 05:59:42 pm
Post by: Wash Cycle on November 08, 2008, 06:09:33 pm
the only people I've known who had cancer seemed to like BING BADAM BOOM right back into the swing of things after chemo and it was actually pretty amazing considering how old they were.
so congrats on getting through the actual shit, but I feel like the real crazy psychological challenges are yet to come so you have the best of my wishes in dealing with that
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 08, 2008, 06:30:49 pm
also most older people don't go through even half the shit I had to. because my body could take it, they pushed it with the hardest chemo drugs possible. with older people, they can't take the harsher chemo regimens.
right now my surgical incision really hurts though. i hope this clears up soon.
Post by: Sarevok on November 09, 2008, 12:18:03 am
Post by: DS on November 09, 2008, 12:23:50 am
Post by: reko on November 09, 2008, 12:28:43 am
Post by: AznChipmunk on November 09, 2008, 12:44:59 am
Post by: Kalar on November 09, 2008, 10:41:05 pm
Post by: Belross on November 10, 2008, 01:29:44 am
i hope beating cancer made you a better person...Ahahahahahah
Seriously though, GOOD WORK man. Not everyone is lucky or determined enough to beat cancer.
Post by: Randy Moist on November 10, 2008, 02:11:37 am
Post by: Barack Obama on November 10, 2008, 12:37:33 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on November 10, 2008, 11:28:46 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 10, 2008, 11:32:02 pm
now that i'm not feeling as shitty (still INSANELY SHITTY) i might go ahead and do that. i was planning to reapply and score a scholarship from this. i'm owed something and i am to collect...
Post by: datamanc3r on November 11, 2008, 03:27:49 am
When should I start smoking?
Post by: kermit the toad on November 11, 2008, 07:26:45 am
Post by: Jayce on November 11, 2008, 06:03:41 pm
Like, even though everything's okay now and you're past it, what you wrote in the OP really makes me think twice about things I do and how I feel about the people around me, etc...
Inspiring in a way I guess, but yeah I figured I'd just throw that out there into the topic as a few others have done.
Can we call you Internet Jesus, but without the whole dying thing?
Post by: Marcus on November 11, 2008, 06:20:24 pm
It was... an experience. My limbs went numb and I started freaking out while lying in bed.
Post by: dada on November 11, 2008, 06:58:37 pm
Post by: halibabica on November 12, 2008, 03:16:53 pm
I just realized how ambiguous the topic title is.Yeah, when it was changed from "I have cancer," I had to look around for it. Maybe it should be "I have cancer, but not anymore" or "I HAD cancer."
Post by: JMickle on November 12, 2008, 03:40:20 pm
Post by: im_so_tired on November 12, 2008, 03:58:41 pm
i'm happy to hear that you're okay, steele! so incredible.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 12, 2008, 04:00:54 pm
they lied. granted, part of this is because of my own bizarre body which caused the nerves in my upper thigh to have severe pain such that I was begging to be killed, but it's still far from easy or not bad. major surgery blows, especially when it's like mine and just a step under open heart surgery.
the chest tube part hurts the most. also I'll dig up my camera so you can all see the size of the catheter; I was describing it to my friend and the entire time he just kind of unconsciously clutched his genitals. it hurt SO MUCH when they took it out, jesus christ.
recovery has been slow; because my lung is slowly healing but still you know MISSING A BIT going up and down stairs is very difficult and I haven't been out because I run out of breath. the place where the chest tube was causes a lot of pain, way more than the actual surgical site.
anyways, retrieving pictures.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 12, 2008, 04:28:04 pm
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/cigarette256.webp)
day before the surgery. no smiles here...im gonna be a ghast.
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/cigarette260.webp)
my mom took these pictures, not me, obviously, so shit that I knew people would want to see isn't really in here, but in the bottom left of the picture, if you can see it, is what looks like a thick wire. THATS WHAT WAS IN MY DICK. this is the day after the surgery, where we first realized something weird was going on as I seemed to be moving about half the speed of people who had double lung transplants; the anesthesia had numbed the back muscles so while I was in heavy pain I never noticed the back one till later
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/cigarette265.webp)
cue later. I barely moved after the pain set in. that is not me peacefully sleeping but moaning in pain. my mom took a few other pics but they mostly suck or are of the same thing.
also I told this story to other people but here's a follow up of the atheist thing. as you remember a nurse asked my religion and I said atheist and my mom gave me an evil eye. so about two days after the surgery the pain has really set in and I have to get up to take a shit or something and need the nurse's help and as we move I start screaming and saying "please kill me I can't live like this, why won't they say what's wrong? kill me" (those of you who think I am exaggerating: fuck you. I don't have the highest physical pain threshold but I almost never used the pain pump or anything until this pain set in; I'm somewhat tough, this pain would just destroy most anyone. keep in mind lance armstrong and I had similar treatments, and he won the Tour de France like seven times, but he still describes the same OH GOD I WANT TO DIE pain).
so I'm saying this because as a mantra it has a soothing effect but it spooks the nurse who turns to my mom and says "can we get a pastor or clergyman for him?"
my mom says "no." and for a second I pause in my pain in astonishment because it seems like she finally respects my beliefs. she then follows it with "we're hindu, you don't have those priests". I blame being in pain for what happened next, because I flipped out and just yelled "FUCK! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO THIS? I'M IN PAIN YOU'RE STILL SHILLING OUT THIS FUCKING SHIT" and then reached out to try to push her but could not.
im a good son :(
but seriously ffffff the cojones. I'm like dying here and she even paused before saying "we're hindu" because she knows I'm not, but she had to throw that in. I'm coming close to being a FUCK ALL RELIGIONS kind of guy here.
remember...jesus preached tolerance of all beliefs...except that atheist guy lol fuck him.
Post by: SupremeWarrior on November 12, 2008, 07:44:10 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 12, 2008, 08:24:56 pm
and I'm still in the wrong you shouldn't swear at your parents but its amazing how bad the word ATHEIST is to most people.
Post by: Arias on November 12, 2008, 08:28:07 pm
Post by: SupremeWarrior on November 12, 2008, 08:30:42 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 12, 2008, 09:10:24 pm
somewhere doktormartini bursts out crying and says "WHY WONT HE JUST EAT DANDELIONS, WHY IS HE...WHY IS HE POISONING HIMSELF?"
Post by: maladroithim on November 12, 2008, 09:14:21 pm
I'm sorry I know you think that is stupid and that your medical staff and probably some luck did all the work but I can't help it.
Post by: Fire Mage on November 12, 2008, 10:36:19 pm
no bros, sisters crazy, dads dead.yeah i don't plan on telling my parents until i leave home. like they would (more like my mom actually! go figure!) would try to get me to start going to church, taking stuff away from me, etc. she's crazy.
and I'm still in the wrong you shouldn't swear at your parents but its amazing how bad the word ATHEIST is to most people.
Post by: Vesper on November 12, 2008, 11:16:40 pm
no bros, sisters crazy, dads dead.
and I'm still in the wrong you shouldn't swear at your parents but its amazing how bad the word ATHEIST is to most people.
it's pretty much the other way around over here, if someone says that they're christians you avert your eyes and think "oh man this guy is crrazyyyyy" and say "how nice".
we don't do this with muslims though. you can believe in islam if you want because if we think you're crazy for it we're bad people
fuck those christians though don't like dem churches.
Post by: dada on November 13, 2008, 12:22:23 am
if someone says that they're christians you avert your eyes and think "oh man this guy is crrazyyyyy" and say "how nice".Yeah. Bet you live in a big metropolitan area.
Post by: Dulcinea on November 13, 2008, 03:40:09 am
I know you've heard it a lot, and it sounds like it's coming out of a greeting card, but it's really inspiring to know that you beat cancer...the fact that you were able to conquer something so terrible, and so strong, and the fact that you were willing to speak your thoughts honestly here, is...touching? Inspiring? To be honest, it it makes me really happy for you, even though I don't know you, and also gives me hope. No one I know has beaten cancer. So to hear that you have really makes me feel like it's possible. Even if there isn't really a cure, and might never be, the strength of the human spirit, will (and a bit of luck) overcoming this when no medicine can is absolutely beautiful.
Congratulations (to say the least).
Post by: Mince Wobley on November 13, 2008, 03:46:17 am
Post by: Dulcinea on November 13, 2008, 04:15:14 am
What I'm saying is it's amazing that he stayed strong, and that this as well as luck must have been a huge influence on the outcome.
Post by: hima on November 14, 2008, 04:44:42 am
Post by: headphonics on November 14, 2008, 04:47:30 am
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/cigarette256.webp)im gonna save this and whenever you make a mean post i will reply to it with this image and everyone will think STEEL MOMENTS BEFORE HE MADE THIS POST.......the gloomiest troll
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 14, 2008, 04:57:05 pm
fun hindu fact: that red thing on my wrist is from a hindu temple its blessed..............
Post by: SupremeWarrior on November 14, 2008, 05:45:04 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 14, 2008, 05:46:34 pm
Post by: Halfling on November 14, 2008, 08:32:25 pm
dem red strings be tricky
Post by: ase on November 14, 2008, 09:31:09 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on November 14, 2008, 09:45:42 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 14, 2008, 09:52:08 pm
Post by: Shepperd on November 14, 2008, 11:12:18 pm
its red string.It's good you acknowledge it.
It's just a redstring, and not SACRED SYMBOL OF THE WHATWHAT FROM THE WHATWHAT THAT EMITS THE SUPERPOWERS OF
just a redstring
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 15, 2008, 02:27:48 am
also because I'm taking fucking forever on this article, I should probably tell you; no amount of doktormartini exercise and shitty food would have saved me. germ cell tumors of this kind are created in the fetus and rise at about 22 to 25. no amount of healthy living can stop it. you'd think lance armstrong's example would have shut people up about this but I still get ARGH NO MORE TV DINNERS FOR YOU from people. not that I love tv dinners but bagel bites did not give me cancer.
Post by: baseball19225 on November 15, 2008, 05:31:13 am
fun fact: i got really bad eye vision and on multiple accounts i have been forced (not physically) to wash my eyes in miracle fountains at weird religious places by the parentalsas opposed to really bad butt vision
Post by: Vellfire on November 15, 2008, 11:11:07 am
as opposed to really bad butt vision
That reminds me that I once saw some sort of hair removal foam stuff that says that it's not for use on a variety of body parts, including "breast nipples".
Nipples on baby bottles? Those are okay I guess.
Post by: JustRob on November 15, 2008, 05:29:41 pm
Post by: chanicakes on November 26, 2008, 10:09:20 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on November 26, 2008, 03:35:27 pm
Post by: chanicakes on November 26, 2008, 11:11:59 pm
the...title says "its over" and the last like two pages are all HOORAY NO MORE CANCER what else is supposed to get better?
Sorry I was really tired when I came on last night and posted this... haha, I don't think I even realized that I didn't read it all... But yeah I am glad it is not cancer... I have had this talk with my doctor and chose not to hear if it was or not or even do the test since not knowing really is better, you feel like your dying au naturel.
So I can't imagine the stress you went through even thinking about what the results would be, but it did turn out good, so it really is good good news!
Post by: ase on November 26, 2008, 11:13:27 pm
Sorry I was really tired when I came on last night and posted this... haha, I don't think I even realized that I didn't read it all... But yeah I am glad it is not cancer... I have had this talk with my doctor and chose not to hear if it was or not or even do the test since not knowing really is better, you feel like your dying au naturel.quoting this so everyone knows what pregnancy does to your reading comprehension skills
So I can't imagine the stress you went through even thinking about what the results would be, but it did turn out good, so it really is good good news!
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on November 26, 2008, 11:14:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 13, 2008, 07:45:06 pm
can't take much more of this.
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on December 13, 2008, 07:48:47 pm
Steel :(
Post by: fatty on December 14, 2008, 12:04:59 am
Post by: ase on December 14, 2008, 12:13:21 am
Post by: Ryan on December 14, 2008, 12:16:11 am
Post by: headphonics on December 14, 2008, 12:17:24 am
Post by: jamie on December 14, 2008, 12:25:15 am
Post by: baseball19225 on December 14, 2008, 01:39:32 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 01:39:40 am
goodnes; probablynot cancer; alwayss lim possibility, but probsbly not
bad news: 50% chance of minor heart surgery tomorroe; fluid around heart.
wish luck; will update when can.
Post by: Ryan on December 15, 2008, 01:41:11 am
also way to make me feel both happy and sad in one post...goodjob.
GOOD NEWS: PROLLY NOT CANCER
BAD NEWS? HEART SURGERY!!
Post by: ase on December 15, 2008, 01:43:08 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 01:45:15 am
also as said50% chance; might be good on my own.
Post by: Farren on December 15, 2008, 01:45:32 am
ehandin pulseox
what is this it sounds like good shit
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 01:48:40 am
Post by: headphonics on December 15, 2008, 01:49:56 am
Post by: Alec on December 15, 2008, 02:28:41 am
ehandin pulseoxone hand in pulseox. he's typing one-handed. or were you kidding? i can never tell with you.
what is this it sounds like good shit
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 02:30:14 am
Post by: bort on December 15, 2008, 02:38:59 am
on the other hand i got my fimger mutilated today
you ever deal with a mutilation peo???
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 02:51:38 am
I SURVIVED THE MAELSTROM...BUT LOOK WHAT IT DID TO MY FACE!
also sliced off the tip of my thumb while cutting a potato.
Post by: Niitaka on December 15, 2008, 04:06:25 am
Post by: Farren on December 15, 2008, 04:27:59 am
Lortabs are the shit though have they prescribed you anything like that for the surgery you got? those are great
Post by: ase on December 15, 2008, 05:55:05 am
maybe you should not be using sharp utencils so soon after heart surgery???that was a response to bort. i don't think he's been cutting his fingers off lately (i could be wrong????)
Post by: bort on December 15, 2008, 10:21:45 am
no I wasn't kidding I thought he was on some relaxers or some shit which was why he was misspelling everything.HELL YEAH LORTABS ive taken 5 today :fogetbackflip: :fogetbackflip: :fogetbackflip:
Lortabs are the shit though have they prescribed you anything like that for the surgery you got? those are great
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 04:59:46 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on December 15, 2008, 05:15:39 pm
Post by: esiann on December 15, 2008, 05:20:40 pm
Post by: Ryan on December 15, 2008, 06:15:36 pm
HOT SHIT NO FLUID, I DONT NEED A HEART NEEDLE! GOING HOME TODAY.
what did you feel in your lungs, then?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 15, 2008, 06:47:18 pm
no one knows its gone now tho.
Post by: Ryan on December 15, 2008, 06:47:45 pm
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on December 15, 2008, 08:37:03 pm
a dong.
that was my guess
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 03:44:43 pm
I had a blood test and a tumor marker came back and they did a retest and just now said to come in tomorrow at nine.
pretty sure if it was nothing they wouldn't say that.
I have cancer again.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 03:45:04 pm
Post by: Alec on December 29, 2008, 04:42:11 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 05:11:22 pm
nooooooooo peo I CANT DEAL WITH THIS NOW.
its funny because one of my friends just did this "afdgdfsffff IM OUTTA HERE"
Post by: big ass skelly on December 29, 2008, 05:21:16 pm
Post by: Soulmman on December 29, 2008, 05:31:12 pm
Post by: esp on December 29, 2008, 05:35:30 pm
:(.
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on December 29, 2008, 05:46:11 pm
gotta like the fifteen or so members who have read this topic, probably made a :( face and left.
nooooooooo peo I CANT DEAL WITH THIS NOW.
its funny because one of my friends just did this "afdgdfsffff IM OUTTA HERE"
To be fair, there are like... no appropriate responses to this without knowing you well enough.
Post by: DS on December 29, 2008, 05:48:27 pm
Post by: ATARI on December 29, 2008, 05:53:14 pm
Post by: ase on December 29, 2008, 05:54:08 pm
Post by: Cho on December 29, 2008, 06:05:04 pm
gotta like the fifteen or so members who have read this topic, probably made a :( face and left.
nooooooooo peo I CANT DEAL WITH THIS NOW.
its funny because one of my friends just did this "afdgdfsffff IM OUTTA HERE"
Is saying "That really sucks man" any more helpful? I mean, if it is, I'll say it all day long.
Post by: esiann on December 29, 2008, 06:13:46 pm
i am trying to think of activities you could do when weak as hell and all i can think of is placing a tape recorder nearby and freestylin to pass the time. learn to play a new musical instrument with only the power of your mind. watch every single high school anime in japanese with subs and close your eyes sometimes and try to learn the beautiful language.
Post by: ThugTears666 on December 29, 2008, 06:16:26 pm
Post by: reko on December 29, 2008, 06:34:44 pm
Post by: RPG on December 29, 2008, 06:36:05 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 06:49:53 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 06:51:34 pm
so
I went on I think last thursday for a new blood testbecause of the elevated tumor marker test from a week before. today they called and said COME IN MONDAY BECAUSE YOUR MARKERS ARE ELEVATED
only my aunt just called. they scheduled the appointment based on the OLD test. the new test results aren't in.
fffff why did they do this. this still might be nothing but they call me and do this and asdsfsffff.
this better be nothing so I can just be pissed off instead of NOP NOP GONNA DIE.
Post by: Carrion Crow on December 29, 2008, 06:54:29 pm
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on December 29, 2008, 06:56:14 pm
:edit:
sue
I saw it in scrubs once I think you got a case.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 06:58:20 pm
apparently their procedure is to always schedule an appointment in these cases, but because there were no docs in when I went in for the retest, they didn't schedule it then.
I'm still scared though, as why the fuck is it elevated (some tumor markers, like those for breast cancer, are sensitive to external factors but I don't know if testicular cancer is), but man why do the retest now and ruin my holidays and then schedule and scare the fuck out of me.
im doomed doomed man walking.
Post by: dragonx on December 29, 2008, 07:05:05 pm
G'luck...
Post by: Vellfire on December 29, 2008, 07:08:36 pm
Post by: fatty on December 29, 2008, 07:43:41 pm
Post by: Mamamack on December 29, 2008, 08:23:10 pm
Post by: halibabica on December 29, 2008, 08:32:35 pm
Good luck, Steel! Hopefully this isn't too big of a problem!
Post by: Frankie on December 29, 2008, 09:02:58 pm
Dont have cancer again steel :(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 09:22:51 pm
what's puzzling me, and my one hope, is I was just in the hospital, they did a full chest CT scan, and no one mentioned a tumor. don't know why that would happen, considering they were looking for anything that would cause chest pains.
Post by: Frankie on December 29, 2008, 09:26:46 pm
Post by: GZ on December 29, 2008, 10:39:19 pm
Post by: Vale on December 29, 2008, 11:04:25 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 29, 2008, 11:09:48 pm
this is absolute bullshit. is this shit standard procedure, how they are handling these test results? it seems unprofessional as hell. if this is really back, i cannot imagine the amount of BAD LUCK you must be feeling because of all of this, in addition to everything else.
it must have been a miscommunication or something and they thought the order to bring me in for bad results was a retest. I blame the break more than the nurses or doctors because they know me and know I would only be upset about the retest not just a procedural thing. but the break had most of them incommunicado with each other.
Post by: YourHero on December 30, 2008, 12:10:15 am
it must be such a scary feeling. you must be living in constant fear. are you able to at least take your mind off of it from time to time?
reading through all of this makes me so sad. you are way too young to be going through this shit! i don't even know you, but i just wanna give you a big hug :( (that is probably even more wierd of a thing to say based on the type of person you seem to be). anyways. good luck with the retest.
Post by: ase on December 30, 2008, 12:15:13 am
at least you........ you lived to see GW6 released
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 04:27:25 pm
Post by: Christophomicus on December 30, 2008, 04:28:51 pm
Post by: ase on December 30, 2008, 04:31:33 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on December 30, 2008, 06:43:53 pm
Post by: headphonics on December 30, 2008, 06:50:15 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on December 30, 2008, 06:50:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 07:04:56 pm
W00T
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on December 30, 2008, 07:07:06 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 07:09:41 pm
Post by: Puppet Master on December 30, 2008, 07:11:46 pm
Post by: Brown on December 30, 2008, 07:27:17 pm
ill have you in my prayers.
Post by: dragonx on December 30, 2008, 07:31:59 pm
:(
Good luck steel, hoping for the best!
Post by: fatty on December 30, 2008, 07:34:00 pm
Post by: Randy Moist on December 30, 2008, 08:27:07 pm
Post by: bort on December 30, 2008, 08:28:56 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 08:41:05 pm
man I wish I had just a little bit more time to recover. w/e.
anyways I should get this out of the way as barring a miracle I'll be doing chemo real soon; obviously can't be staff editor anymore, and ASE, you gotta do troubadours. good luck with GW6, I will still be around, but sorry I can't help!
secondly if anyone can find any information on testicular cancer resurrgence, it'd be useful. what sucks is how rare my kind of thing is; I technically have a Stage IV cancer but it only exists in one area, but this accounts for how ornery it is. I don't see the doc for some time, and my google searches are useless!
that being said, im peo ok. the guy who founded HR Block had terminal lung cancer and colon cancer and he beat both. testicular is one of the most researched and treated cancers, there might still be a cure rate available.
but the next few months will make the last six look easy, and I'm especially worried about what long term effects it will have.
Post by: crone_lover720 on December 30, 2008, 08:47:52 pm
Post by: Mamamack on December 30, 2008, 08:50:23 pm
EDIT: I found this website; I don't know whether or not it will be of any help.
http://tcrc.acor.org/
Post by: Farren on December 30, 2008, 09:28:07 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on December 30, 2008, 09:32:42 pm
Post by: thecatamites on December 30, 2008, 09:45:02 pm
Also man this is terrible, but at least you know now that you're able to get through something like chemo and surgery and still come out the other side so hopefully it'll be mentally easier to go through it again. Plus Dr. Einhorn seems to be the go-to guy for testicular cancer (I think he was actually the guy who cured Lance Armstrong after he was given a very poor prognosis) so if anyone can help it's him! So yeah, good luck man, I really hope you get through this.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 09:49:54 pm
how bad is this...
I'm not freaking out, I never do unless it's just YOUR FUCKED HERES MORPHINE so I think I'm taking this well enough. goddam though another chemo.
Post by: headphonics on December 30, 2008, 09:52:21 pm
Post by: Farren on December 30, 2008, 10:04:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 10:25:20 pm
Post by: headphonics on December 30, 2008, 10:32:11 pm
in all seriousness though i do not think i could force myself to be this optimistic ever. if someone said i had a 10% chance of making it through or something, i would not think TEN PERCENT IM LUCKY I'LL MAKE IT; i would despair. we're all dying but not everyone's dying in their early 20s!!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 10:36:26 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 30, 2008, 10:39:25 pm
as long as there's something to do, I'm gonna do it.
Post by: karmadasani on December 30, 2008, 10:49:38 pm
Post by: bible_basher on December 30, 2008, 10:58:22 pm
remember jeff's dad though, you can do it
Post by: Carrion Crow on December 30, 2008, 11:16:31 pm
You clearly have a strong mind and they say that if you manage to keep your head up and stay optimistic it has a better impact on your body (less stress).
Post by: Jayce on December 30, 2008, 11:18:35 pm
Man this is really awful, I freak out when my heart skips a beat randomly (heart problems are in my family's genes), I can't imagine having something as ongoing, sickening and painful as this.
I wish you all the best.
EDIT: Also I blame Gaming World, you only ever seem to get cancer when you post here, (proven study).
Post by: YourHero on December 31, 2008, 12:51:16 am
how old are you anyways?
Post by: headphonics on December 31, 2008, 01:01:31 am
Post by: YourHero on December 31, 2008, 01:05:29 am
Post by: Beasley on December 31, 2008, 01:40:34 am
Post by: Parker on December 31, 2008, 02:45:07 am
this is fucking bullshitI have JOHN ELWAY on Speed Dial, I'll call him and ask him WTF
Sorry to hear this man.
Post by: JustRob on December 31, 2008, 02:55:41 am
I really feel for you. Hope you'll make it through.
Post by: DoctorEars on December 31, 2008, 02:56:52 am
I hope you get through this, and I'm sure you will, man.
You beat cancer once, you can beat it again, bro.
Post by: Sludgelord on December 31, 2008, 03:29:18 am
Post by: Bizzle on December 31, 2008, 03:56:44 am
Post by: Dark Angel on December 31, 2008, 09:12:33 am
Post by: jamie on December 31, 2008, 02:14:24 pm
if it was me in this situation, i can only imagine my attitude would be like "fuck this" and i'd put everything i had into going on a trip someplace and just trying to have a peaceful time by myself. i mean i wouldn't be able to stand having people around me with sad faces all the time, cos it would just be embarassing and lame to hear cliches and unbearable to have to reciprocate all those forced smiles. i don't think i'd have any of that in me. that is if it was a probably going to die kind of situation. i wouldn't want to spend all that time being covered in misery like that. maybe that's dumb or juvenile but i'm imagining myself in what i imagine your position is like and ugghhhhh i could not do it.
the attitude you've got right now is the only one you could really have. on the one hand it's admirable because you won't let yourself get down to the pits, but on the other it's sad because what the hell else are you going to do. you couldn't be the kind of guy you are and not be taking the attitude you're taking.
maybe i'm saying things it's not my place to say but i've got to say something to all of this fucking cancer shit. i've kept my distance from this, i guess, just cos i don't know how to approach it. i only know you as text and an idea of what you are like from pictures/cookin' with doopz but i consider you a friend as far as that goes.
so i hope you get through all of this and get back to life, and i hope that the next round of this is not as hard on you as it has to be.
Post by: hero_bash on December 31, 2008, 02:31:00 pm
Can't really help you with anything regarding healing the cancer
Even so....
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/85/Smiley.svg/600px-Smiley.svg.png)
. Keep your spirits up..
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/85/Smiley.svg/600px-Smiley.svg.png)
. Keep your spirits up..
Post by: JMickle on December 31, 2008, 02:46:12 pm
dedicating my troubadours entry to you man. but seriously, i hope you feel good about all this support your getting. :)
Post by: Drule on December 31, 2008, 03:08:16 pm
Post by: Malad on December 31, 2008, 04:51:18 pm
It's amazing that you keep such a straightforward and realistic attitude through this rough time. The cold truth, like you said, is that we all live and we all die... it's just a matter of when and how.
Good luck, and know whatever the outcome is, you've touched a lot of us on this forum and in your life.
Post by: Malad on December 31, 2008, 04:58:01 pm
Post by: esiann on December 31, 2008, 05:34:14 pm
good luck and i hope this einhorn guy knows what he's doing..
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on December 31, 2008, 08:03:50 pm
the cancer is back.
it's in my brain.
Post by: headphonics on December 31, 2008, 08:04:05 pm
Post by: headphonics on December 31, 2008, 08:07:42 pm
Post by: Beasley on December 31, 2008, 08:08:20 pm
Post by: ase on December 31, 2008, 08:12:38 pm
Post by: dragonx on December 31, 2008, 08:15:17 pm
Post by: elkalo on December 31, 2008, 08:23:04 pm
Post by: datamanc3r on December 31, 2008, 08:41:35 pm
Post by: Farren on December 31, 2008, 08:49:05 pm
Did you say your dad had it there too? Is this a genetic thing or what? I know you touched on that earlier but it seems like this stuff is out to get you bad and this is unbelievably shitty.
Post by: YourHero on December 31, 2008, 08:50:35 pm
that is so horrible!! how does that even happen!? is it treatable!?!?
Post by: Vale on December 31, 2008, 09:01:59 pm
EDIT: I wish I could just say sorry and it all go away but that wouldnt help at all. Just..pull through, mate. I'm praying for you.
Post by: esiann on December 31, 2008, 09:05:38 pm
Post by: ase on December 31, 2008, 09:25:18 pm
If there is anything we can do to help you in some way, just name it. Laugh all you want, but you've been a huge influence on me and some inexplicably important part of my life for the past few years. I can't imagine coming here one day with the knowledge that you're no longer here, that the only thing left for us to think and laugh about are your old posts. I honestly don't think I'd be able to come back. I'm starting to tear up as I write this and I hate myself for it because it's just so goddamn dumb to be emotionally connected to an internet pal, but I think most people will agree with me that you are unique individual, both from what we've seen in your internet persona and from the few glimpses of audio, video, pictures you've given us. I don't want you to ever leave us, so please give your best shot to staying mentally and physically strong. You've shown us that you had the will power to get through one round of chemo, so even if your own will is waning, please do everything you can to stay alive for everyone who cares about you in real life and here.
Post by: Seawed on December 31, 2008, 09:26:28 pm
Post by: Ryan on December 31, 2008, 09:47:42 pm
Post by: datamanc3r on December 31, 2008, 10:15:06 pm
I wish there was something I/we could do for you, but you've said in the past you absolutely don't want money. I'm not sure prayers will do anything coming from a non-religious person. You and your family seem to have the ability to find the best doctors since you've said in the past that you get recommendations from doctors who are family friends, so we probably can't help there.This.
If there is anything we can do to help you in some way, just name it. Laugh all you want, but you've been a huge influence on me and some inexplicably important part of my life for the past few years. I can't imagine coming here one day with the knowledge that you're no longer here, that the only thing left for us to think and laugh about are your old posts. I honestly don't think I'd be able to come back. I'm starting to tear up as I write this and I hate myself for it because it's just so goddamn dumb to be emotionally connected to an internet pal, but I think most people will agree with me that you are unique individual, both from what we've seen in your internet persona and from the few glimpses of audio, video, pictures you've given us. I don't want you to ever leave us, so please give your best shot to staying mentally and physically strong. You've shown us that you had the will power to get through one round of chemo, so even if your own will is waning, please do everything you can to stay alive for everyone who cares about you in real life and here.
We probably don't look like much, but we're a community and we can do some pretty great things. We'd definitely be able to raise you some money. You said yourself that given even a 10% survival rate you'd try to be that 10%. Why not accept some money, if it'd help you get there?
Post by: Lifexplosion on January 01, 2009, 12:21:08 am
Post by: Shadow Kirby on January 01, 2009, 12:30:16 am
Post by: AznChipmunk on January 01, 2009, 12:46:24 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 01:05:38 am
the neurosurgeon will be taking a look at me tomorrow and deciding what to do. there are two lesions on my brain. one is two inches, the other is about the width of your fingernail. not sure what the options are but it's between surgery and radiation from what I heard. I'm in the hospital now, they put me on a steroid to reduce brain swelling. will say details as they come when I can.
Post by: Marcus on January 01, 2009, 01:11:49 am
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/26699/whoah.jpg)
The lesion on the right is 1.2cm.
That's half of the size of Steel's and about the size of his second one.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffffffffffffffffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFfffffffffffff
Post by: Vellfire on January 01, 2009, 01:25:23 am
fuck
Post by: big ass skelly on January 01, 2009, 01:27:37 am
happy new year, cancer in you brain :(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 01:59:28 am
the larger tumor is about the size of a peach on my right hemisphere. the one the size of a pea is also there. the pea will be dealt with via radiation.
the larger one will be surgically removed tomorrow afternoon. the doctor is very very confident (said maybe 1 in 10,000 chance of something wrong), but was also insistent that this get dealt with now, so tomorrow.
I have never been one to go quiet into any night, and I will not insist you don't worry, I'm going to do everything I can on this end, but I know you will worry. just know if I don't make it, for some ungodly reason, it has been a real fucking pleasure, and I think that's the most anyone can say about anything.
love you.
-magical "hero" negro.
Post by: Vellfire on January 01, 2009, 02:01:02 am
the size of a peach
the size of a peach
man i can't even express how sad this makes me...just....holy fuck x2
Post by: Rye Bread on January 01, 2009, 02:02:08 am
okay. here's the deal. the religious start praying.
the larger tumor is about the size of a peach on my right hemisphere. the one the size of a pea is also there. the pea will be dealt with via radiation.
the larger one will be surgically removed tomorrow afternoon. the doctor is very very confident (said maybe 1 in 10,000 chance of something wrong), but was also insistent that this get dealt with now, so tomorrow.
I have never been one to go quiet into any night, and I will not insist you don't worry, I'm going to do everything I can on this end, but I know you will worry. just know if I don't make it, for some ungodly reason, it has been a real fucking pleasure, and I think that's the most anyone can say about anything.
love you.
-magical "hero" negro.
All I can say is I really hope this isn't the last post we see from you :(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 02:10:34 am
Post by: Rye Bread on January 01, 2009, 02:11:55 am
Post by: Niitaka on January 01, 2009, 02:17:21 am
Post by: pburn on January 01, 2009, 02:18:32 am
You helped beat my metal gear fanboy shit.
and my dumb racist shit.
Good luck.
Post by: Rye Bread on January 01, 2009, 02:24:51 am
Post by: Mateui on January 01, 2009, 02:25:56 am
This whole unfortunate situation has forced me to take a set back and examine myself, physically, mentally, religiously... be strong Steel. You've definetely inspired many people here, myself included, and I don't even want to consider what will become of GW should the worst outcome occur, so I won't think about it. I'll think positive thoughts, and since I am a religious person I will be keeping you in my prayers.
Post by: pburn on January 01, 2009, 02:32:05 am
Post by: Carrion Crow on January 01, 2009, 02:34:04 am
I am guessing that 2pm US time is about 7pm GMT? I will wear my lucky socks for you man. I am a man of science until it comes to luck and my socks and I have just the pair.
Post by: Shadow Kirby on January 01, 2009, 02:35:49 am
surgery is at about two tomorrow.
No...... I don't want 2009 to be the year Steel, the internet man that will always point out when I'm wrong and stupid, die.
Be strong man. We love you.
Post by: hima on January 01, 2009, 02:38:21 am
Post by: DoctorEars on January 01, 2009, 02:41:05 am
I feel for you man, I really do. Be strong, as Shadow Kirby said. You can do it.
Post by: hero_bash on January 01, 2009, 02:44:21 am
Post by: blood hell on January 01, 2009, 02:44:41 am
Post by: Pulits on January 01, 2009, 02:45:15 am
You can do it.
Post by: Frankie on January 01, 2009, 02:46:21 am
damn it why isnt this over? The SIZE OF A PEACH what the fuck how is that possible was it always there? And you felt all right just a few days ago!! Its so scary and sad and I dont know what to say!
good luck steel you have GW's most horrible magicks on your side!!!!
Post by: Parker on January 01, 2009, 02:53:56 am
Everyone is getting really pretentious. :(fk you dude
Steel. I'll be prayin for you man.
Lemme rephrase. I'll keep praying for you man. LOVE
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on January 01, 2009, 02:54:18 am
Post by: pburn on January 01, 2009, 03:07:29 am
fk you dudeNo I mean that like, with everyone being so negative... I just don't think that would brush off too well.
Post by: Alec on January 01, 2009, 03:17:47 am
a peach, pshht, a brain tumor's got to be twice that size to take down steel fuckin' paladine.
Post by: datamanc3r on January 01, 2009, 03:29:29 am
Post by: helter skelter on January 01, 2009, 03:51:29 am
Post by: Mamamack on January 01, 2009, 04:18:11 am
Post by: bonermobile on January 01, 2009, 04:25:24 am
i'm bad at these kinds of things so i'll just say GOOD LUCK and punch cancer in its fucking dick
Post by: ase on January 01, 2009, 06:43:35 am
FUCK YOU CANCER
Post by: Fire Mage on January 01, 2009, 07:00:24 am
.........
.. . . . ......... fuck.
and now on new year's i come to see a tumor in the brain and you have surgery soon. uuuuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhhhh.
i really am like konix and i don't really know what to say in this (especially since i don't... know you "know you" i guess??) buutttttttttt
fuck man. ugh. i really hope everything goes well. i wanna see you back here! :(
Post by: goldenratio on January 01, 2009, 07:05:36 am
Post by: Serenity on January 01, 2009, 07:08:06 am
Post by: TFT on January 01, 2009, 07:17:22 am
Post by: BlackRaven on January 01, 2009, 07:22:40 am
Post by: Sludgelord on January 01, 2009, 07:52:19 am
Post by: The Ghost on January 01, 2009, 08:23:09 am
It's a bit surreal, but we're witnessing someone go through some serious shit. And this dude is playing his cards he was dealt like a man. I know you're obviously thinking about this a lot Steel, in your off time, but I must say your poker face is fierce. Man, I'm complaining about a cold I have right now, hehe.
You got my support homie, pucker up.
Post by: Jayce on January 01, 2009, 08:36:15 am
As a fellow editor, I can't let you leave me here with these people.
You hear me?
Post by: Erave on January 01, 2009, 08:38:52 am
Post by: Bisse on January 01, 2009, 01:29:58 pm
Post by: Drule on January 01, 2009, 01:41:48 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 01:50:27 pm
does the tumor have anything to do with your cancer? do you know anything about it at all?
it is the cancer; that's why the tumor markers climbed.
this thing is exponentially growing so the plan is basically to knock me out (its not one of those they keep you awake for), and will cut open my skull. the tumor is right on the outside of the membrane, so it can be extircated with ease, and probably no side effects. they will then use titanium screws and reattach the skull plate so I
will
be
STEEL.
or just set off metal detectors.
after this we'll have targetted radiation therapy asap (maybe a week) at Duke, and then we'll see Dr. Einhorn and decide what to do to stop this.
also
I never thought I'd have to say this, and it really really embarasses me.
buuuuut
we're out of money it seems. mom is digging into her retirement fund but she's on medical leave now and it's unpaid, so she's thinking of selling her few stocks. my sister is a temp employee so she can cover the basic non-medical bills, but going to Indiana and all plus two surgeries in like three months...the money from the Indian people is more or less gone. Steve etc were talking about fund raising concert or something, and I'm going to take him up on that but
fuck it no I am not going to ask GW. not yet. :(
YOUR PRIDE WILL BE YOUR DOOM BOROMIR.
Post by: Jayce on January 01, 2009, 02:10:12 pm
I'm going to think this over for a night and see what I can do to help...
Post by: big ass skelly on January 01, 2009, 02:10:46 pm
Post by: dickface jones on January 01, 2009, 02:15:27 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on January 01, 2009, 02:24:26 pm
good luck steel we're thinking of you
Post by: Jayce on January 01, 2009, 02:30:56 pm
It worked for the 4-Zeldas in 48-Hours kids, if I hype it up enough and do it right it should work out pretty good, if not I can scrap the stream idea and just arrange for the machine to be reserved for me only while I dance around (with a sign saying WHY I'm doing this) and hope people drop money in a hat or a box or something...
I'll iron out the kinks in the morning.
*nods*
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 02:33:49 pm
Post by: Jayce on January 01, 2009, 02:37:17 pm
*pouts*
EDIT: Can I play DDR and pretend I'm raising funds for you? :fogetnaughty:
Post by: Christophomicus on January 01, 2009, 03:19:42 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 03:21:26 pm
where's sredni I told him to come before the surgery...
Post by: Pasty on January 01, 2009, 03:21:43 pm
fuck it no I am not going to ask GW. not yet. :(
fuck that noise. i obviously don't speak for everyone but you have given so much to this place and i know i'd like to get off my lazy ass and help someone who legitimately needs it!
Post by: Jayce on January 01, 2009, 03:31:32 pm
Post by: ase on January 01, 2009, 03:32:50 pm
Post by: Pasty on January 01, 2009, 03:35:01 pm
Yeah fkuc u asshole we'll giv u whateva money we wanna giv.
i'll give you money
in all seriousness, bootstraps break, man. it's okay to ask for help. even from us.
Post by: Mamamack on January 01, 2009, 03:41:08 pm
I know you don't want to ASK GW but if it really comes down to it don't hesitate to ask! If everyone puts in even a little then hell it is going to make it a lot easier on you!
This. Exactly this. There is no reason NOT to ask. People wouldn't be offering to help if they didn't want to help, dude. At least let us do this for you. It's the least we can do.
Also, like ase asked, please have someone let us know what's going on after surgery.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 03:42:42 pm
otherwise I go down in a few hours for preop. surgery is at 2, lasts 3/4 hours. my sister will be told to call sredni when it's done and he'll pass it on I hope. he's supposed to be here.
Post by: Alec on January 01, 2009, 03:46:44 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 01, 2009, 03:49:51 pm
Post by: Cheshire Cat on January 01, 2009, 04:40:18 pm
You will be too. Good luck.
Post by: fatty on January 01, 2009, 07:33:34 pm
Post by: fatty on January 01, 2009, 07:33:51 pm
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on January 01, 2009, 07:36:15 pm
I know this is weird, but last night I actually had a dream that I was pushing you around a hospital in a wheelchair. Weird, huh?
Post by: the bloddy ghost on January 01, 2009, 07:41:13 pm
Post by: Boulvae on January 01, 2009, 08:05:21 pm
Just think when you survive this, think of all the possibilities.
Post by: RPG on January 01, 2009, 08:16:14 pm
Post by: GZ on January 01, 2009, 08:45:15 pm
i also wanted to say i would PITCH IN if you are having financial issues along with many others here who would. i imagine you see this as a last resort and would feel bad about GETTING MONEY FROM INTERNET PEOPLE but i would be more than happy to do this. you should not have to worry about these things in addition to the cancer!
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on January 01, 2009, 08:55:00 pm
Been in the hospital with steel for a few hours now. He seems surprisingly cavalier about this all (at least more than most people, myself included, would be at the prospect of PEACH IN BRAIN).
He is currently in surgery, with anesthesia concluding just as I was leaving. As far as we know, the surgery is well underway at this point with everything going well.
I'm at home right now (got people food) but heading back to the hospital in an hour or so. He's not supposed to stimulate/excite his brain at all for a little while (meaning no computar maechin) so I'll try and post updates to what's going on.
That's all for now, wish him luck!
Post by: YourHero on January 01, 2009, 09:00:45 pm
Post by: pburn on January 01, 2009, 09:16:52 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on January 01, 2009, 10:33:04 pm
Post by: Mateui on January 01, 2009, 10:36:17 pm
Post by: ase on January 01, 2009, 10:38:44 pm
Post by: pburn on January 01, 2009, 10:43:43 pm
Post by: AznChipmunk on January 01, 2009, 10:46:02 pm
Post by: helter skelter on January 01, 2009, 10:48:04 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on January 01, 2009, 11:04:08 pm
tell him that "latka from taxi" is relieved. tell him to stay strong and that everybody wants him alive.
he is important.
Post by: rapstar on January 02, 2009, 12:27:37 am
Post by: Alec on January 02, 2009, 12:33:08 am
Post by: Marcus on January 02, 2009, 02:16:59 am
Quote
He's not supposed to stimulate/excite his brain at all for a little while (meaning no computar maechin) so I'll try and post updates to what's going on.
i'm sorry but i laughed at this because i got this image in my head of him going to 4chan followed by his brain leaking from his ears.
Post by: esiann on January 02, 2009, 02:26:02 am
This is what I am talking about when I say you people are so fucking pessimistic.you said pretentious what the hell
Post by: Alec on January 02, 2009, 02:31:18 am
Post by: Sludgelord on January 02, 2009, 02:34:22 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on January 02, 2009, 02:37:47 am
The surgeon said they removed all of the peach-sized tumor. It was pretty much on the surface of the brain, which is why he was so confident about getting it out with no complications.
Like I said earlier, the surgery indeed went smoothly. Steel is currently in ICU, doped up pretty hard. When I saw him, the anesthesia was just wearing off and he was quite woozy. His mom and uncle were there when I saw him, and our conversation went like this:
Me: "Hey dude how're you fee-"
S: "They carved a hole in my head!"
Me: "Well you look great for someone who just had brain sur-"
S: "THEY PUT A CATHETER IN MY DICK AGAIN!"
So I think he's doing well. He said specifically to thank you guys for your love and support, so here it is:
Quote from: Steel
Thanks for your love and support!
Also a huge thanks from me for the same! Two cancer treatments in such a short time isn't easy by any means so it means a lot to both of us that he's in so many people's thoughts.
I'm seeing him tomorrow will post updates then.
Post by: Alec on January 02, 2009, 02:46:31 am
Post by: ase on January 02, 2009, 02:48:45 am
Post by: Boulvae on January 02, 2009, 02:51:57 am
Steel: 2 Cancer: 0
Post by: esiann on January 02, 2009, 03:04:22 am
get a picture of it since we were cheated last time
Post by: Frankie on January 02, 2009, 03:06:35 am
Also does steel have metal parts in his brain now eh thats sorta cool right
also does he means he would BLOW UP if taken to an MRI heh
steelsplosion
Post by: Fire Mage on January 02, 2009, 03:09:15 am
that's all i can say. its great.
Post by: the bloddy ghost on January 02, 2009, 03:16:24 am
Post by: Mamamack on January 02, 2009, 03:17:29 am
Post by: Death Gulp on January 02, 2009, 03:18:00 am
Post by: Rye Bread on January 02, 2009, 03:35:08 am
Post by: Alec on January 02, 2009, 03:48:14 am
but what about the other tumor? Is it like, smaller but at a harder place to operate or something? Or is it over now somehow?i think he still has to do the radiation:
Also does steel have metal parts in his brain now eh thats sorta cool right
also does he means he would BLOW UP if taken to an MRI heh
steelsplosion
STEEL IF YOU GET SUPERPOWERS
Post by: halibabica on January 02, 2009, 05:13:21 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on January 02, 2009, 05:21:51 am
Yeah, wasn't there one small one left in his brain and lung lump #2 still to worry about?
I believe he got he lung lump checked out and it was nothing. As far as I know there's only the smaller one in his brain, which theyre going to irradiate. The best thing is that there won't be any more chemo (fingers crossed); chemo put him in the worst condition i've ever seen anyone be in for 4 months straight.
Post by: fatty on January 02, 2009, 05:33:38 am
Post by: bonermobile on January 02, 2009, 06:19:24 am
Post by: Jayce on January 02, 2009, 06:27:54 am
Nah seriously though this is good news, I'm glad to hear it, and I'm glad you were so prompt with it, I admittedly lost a fair bit of sleep last night not knowing what was going on.
Post by: Sludgelord on January 02, 2009, 06:43:24 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on January 02, 2009, 07:06:31 am
one thing i don't really understand is how this brain tumor went unnoticed, or did it develop in the period between his chemotherapy and the surgery? because that was like one or two months and that is a really short time for something the size of a peach to grow in your head.
steel can probably answer this more confidently than I can but I think yeah it just grew fast as hell after the first bout.
Post by: dragonx on January 02, 2009, 07:09:46 am
Post by: CodeBLACK on January 02, 2009, 07:13:09 am
Post by: datamanc3r on January 02, 2009, 08:42:19 am
I think that there's a pretty big consensus among us to help pitch in money for whatever. Even if it's just for an airplane flight or food, I bet anything'd help. It wouldn't be a problem for us at all, and the most you'd lose Steel is maybe 2lbs of that hot air in your overly inflated ego.
Post by: Pasty on January 02, 2009, 08:55:03 am
Post by: DoctorEars on January 02, 2009, 09:02:57 am
Go Steel. I've been feeling down in the last couple of days and I swear it's partially due to knowing that someone I know could die from cancer.
Well done Steel, I really hope you get better.
Post by: BlackRaven on January 02, 2009, 10:36:38 am
live sweet prince... live
Post by: Vellfire on January 02, 2009, 12:44:20 pm
Post by: headphonics on January 02, 2009, 01:06:06 pm
Post by: ase on January 02, 2009, 03:02:00 pm
so wait, the brain tumor was his only problem? i was under the impression that he HAD CANCER AGAIN and had to go through chemo but if it was just a brain tumor, most of which was already removed, and the rest of which should be irradiated, that's great! so the results of the second test that he thought they were calling him to come in for at first came back negative?no, those test results came back positive (aka cancer) because his tumor markers were elevated (hence they found a tumor in his brain). from what i understood, even after he gets that other small tumor irradiated, he will probably still have to go see dr. einhorn so the guy can figure out what to do so this shit doesnt keep metastasizing to other areas even after we already think its "gone"
Post by: headphonics on January 02, 2009, 03:06:26 pm
Post by: ase on January 02, 2009, 03:24:20 pm
edit: but man, i would imagine using radiation on tumor cells will kill some nearby brain cells too.
Post by: Soulmman on January 02, 2009, 03:54:36 pm
Post by: fatty on January 02, 2009, 03:56:21 pm
Post by: #1 Vodka fan on January 02, 2009, 05:35:36 pm
Post by: mkkmypet on January 03, 2009, 02:03:14 am
but man, the best thing about returning to this topic now is that i don't have to find out "what? peach in brain?!" and then have to wait for news of the surgery. i'm so glad to hear the surgery went well :D and steel's a cyborg now, right? got metal in his head. sweeeet.
steel is so ffffing rad. he is one of the toughest guys ever. i don't know if he was just depressed or something, but NOT FREAKING OUT to the news of the brain tumors is pretty crazy. steel so cwazy.
you can make it through this bro :D stay strong, steel!
Post by: Sapsuker on January 03, 2009, 02:26:59 am
how did i miss this news??? i need to read topics more carefully. shit. steel gets cancer TWICE and beats it up and i don't realize it
cancer's a fucking moron he gets his ass kicked once by the steel paladine and it came back for seconds. don't you know that you don't mess with steel???
this is good news!
Post by: Shepperd on January 03, 2009, 02:45:45 am
Big kudos for battling yet another tumor.
Hope you get well quick.
Post by: GaZZwa on January 03, 2009, 02:49:28 am
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on January 03, 2009, 02:49:50 am
Post by: tuxedo marx on January 03, 2009, 02:50:39 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on January 03, 2009, 06:20:22 am
: )
Post by: mkkmypet on January 03, 2009, 07:32:21 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on January 03, 2009, 11:00:11 am
Like I said before they got the big tumor out. Awaiting radiation therapy.
He's got a fuckton of bandages around his head. A few staples, but no metal plate. The sedation has worn off and other than a mild headache and some pressure, he's feeling fine. We hung out for a few hours and other than the fact that there were nurses coming in and out and there was a bandage on his head, you couldn't tell that he'd just had BRAIN SURGERY.
Nothing major, just all is well for now.
Post by: DS on January 03, 2009, 11:12:38 am
Post by: Jayce on January 03, 2009, 11:29:51 am
Staples heh...
Im happy i can joke about this though because its amazing news and i couldnt be happier for him!
Post by: hima on January 03, 2009, 11:51:51 am
I hope you don't mind me using your avatar for this, Sarevok!
That's VERY good to hear, Steel! Don't give up and kick that bastard ass :)
Post by: baseball19225 on January 03, 2009, 01:40:47 pm
Post by: baseball19225 on January 03, 2009, 01:42:51 pm
aaaaa jesus christ i'm so glad you're ok.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 03, 2009, 08:32:41 pm
Post by: ase on January 03, 2009, 08:36:15 pm
Post by: datamanc3r on January 03, 2009, 08:36:39 pm
EDIT:
AHAHAHAHA ase.
Post by: dragonx on January 03, 2009, 08:40:01 pm
what are your thoughts???
also welcome back!! I hope the rest of everything goes well also
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 03, 2009, 08:43:29 pm
also sredni is wrong i will probably have chemo etc later. I'll elaborate later, I'm out of the hospital tomorrow morning so this bandage will come off and I'll prolly feel better.
Post by: fatty on January 03, 2009, 09:34:39 pm
Post by: YourHero on January 03, 2009, 11:23:32 pm
are you on massive amounts of drugs still?
Post by: Sludgelord on January 03, 2009, 11:39:04 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 05:24:06 pm
Post by: Death Gulp on January 04, 2009, 05:26:03 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 05:46:48 pm
nasty post op taken today, I had a bandage around my head before. staples come out thurs.
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/brain120.webp)
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/brain119.webp)
(https://legacy.gamingw.net/etc/i404.photobucket.com/albums/pp124/QuincyTroupe/brain119.webp)
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on January 04, 2009, 05:50:43 pm
Post by: Vellfire on January 04, 2009, 05:51:18 pm
Post by: ase on January 04, 2009, 05:51:29 pm
wow, though. that looks ridiculously scary. i did not think they would have to cut so much of your skull! I figured it would be safer to minimize the incisions (or DRILLS). will your hair grow back there?
Post by: jamie on January 04, 2009, 05:51:55 pm
Post by: headphonics on January 04, 2009, 05:52:37 pm
Post by: YourHero on January 04, 2009, 05:53:45 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 05:54:42 pm
anyways, meeting oncologist tomorrow. he's going to get one hell of a shock coming back from vacation!
I said thursday dogg.
bortfinger meet steelhead.
Post by: Alec on January 04, 2009, 05:55:01 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 05:55:11 pm
non stapled part is just drainage I think.
Post by: Bonehead on January 04, 2009, 05:56:08 pm
just touched your brain and I can only imagine that it feels more than a simple headache.
Good to hear that you've made it through, man :P
Post by: dragonx on January 04, 2009, 05:56:54 pm
also that looks painful just by being there ;(
Warning - while you were typing a new reply has been posted. You may wish to review your post.
god dman it let me reply
Post by: ATARI on January 04, 2009, 06:00:42 pm
Post by: Ryan on January 04, 2009, 06:14:52 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on January 04, 2009, 06:28:21 pm
that pic of your head looked kind of like frankensteins.Ryan stole my post so I have to quote him.
Post by: big ass skelly on January 04, 2009, 06:31:21 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 06:37:25 pm
the solution to this?
they put an icepack on your head.
medicine is scary.
Post by: tuxedo marx on January 04, 2009, 06:39:01 pm
Post by: Shepperd on January 04, 2009, 06:39:48 pm
thumbs up
Post by: Chubby Skelly on January 04, 2009, 06:42:00 pm
here's a fun fact; MRI machines react poorly with metal, since MAGNETS you know. so if they weren't appropriately demagnetized it would have destroyed my skull in seconds. what usually happens though is the staples if not demagnetized just get absurdly hot.
the solution to this?
they put an icepack on your head.
medicine is scary.
Hahah. Man, for every robotic neurosurgeon that can make movements as precise as a tenth a millimeter there is putting an ice pack on your head.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 06:42:15 pm
it took 20 days and got to the size of a fucking peach.
ahhhaha i'm so gonna die.
Post by: Wash Cycle on January 04, 2009, 06:43:29 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 06:45:05 pm
no one tell my mom :fogetshh:
Post by: Boulvae on January 04, 2009, 06:55:54 pm
Post by: crone_lover720 on January 04, 2009, 06:57:10 pm
einhorn's the man, he's gonna fix you up.
Post by: YourHero on January 04, 2009, 06:59:27 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on January 04, 2009, 07:08:49 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 04, 2009, 07:16:07 pm
Post by: Pasty on January 04, 2009, 07:26:26 pm
those of you wondering btw; this tumor did not exist 20 days ago. my tumor markers were insignificant.
it took 20 days and got to the size of a fucking peach.
ahhhaha i'm so gonna die.
:( what could be causing this? i mean forgive me if this seems weird to me but it sounds (severe understatement) kind of abnormal that someone could possibly have a brain tumor that can get the size of a peach in twenty days.
Post by: tuxedo marx on January 04, 2009, 07:34:48 pm
Does it hurt? I mean, they've just touched your brain and I can only imagine that it feels more than a simple headache.the brain has no pain receptors. :)
Post by: Sludgelord on January 04, 2009, 07:46:51 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on January 04, 2009, 07:47:11 pm
Jesus imagine being a surgeon and actually cutting into someone's skull!? How do they do it? Do they have DREMEL for bone or something like that?
Man you would have to have some serious balls to cut someones head open.
This is quite shocking!
Post by: Mamamack on January 04, 2009, 08:06:55 pm
Autumn: Ouch! Mama, ouch!
Me: Yes, that man has a boo-boo on his head.
Autumn: Kiss the boo-boos!
So now I have lip prints on my screen because Autumn kissed your boo-boos. I hope they feel better.
All joking aside, I'm thrilled to read that you're awake and feeling better. Keep up your spirits!
Post by: Shadow Kirby on January 04, 2009, 08:19:55 pm
Steel is now..... Steel Steel.
Post by: Beasley on January 04, 2009, 08:23:47 pm
also steel, you are in my thoughts and thoughts of the few people in my area that know you besides me (there is 1). pull through man i know youre going to do it.
Post by: esiann on January 04, 2009, 08:26:18 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on January 04, 2009, 08:27:25 pm
Post by: ase on January 04, 2009, 08:38:49 pm
your head looks kind of like a basketball nowhaha he actually looks like that character in barkley who got a head transplant
Post by: jamie on January 04, 2009, 09:04:27 pm
Post by: JMickle on January 04, 2009, 09:09:22 pm
Post by: thecatamites on January 04, 2009, 09:25:06 pm
Also I'm glad the surgery went okay! Hopefully the remaining chemo or whatever won't be too bad.
Post by: Kaworu on January 04, 2009, 09:26:12 pm
Post by: BlackRaven on January 04, 2009, 09:45:31 pm
Post by: Vellfire on January 05, 2009, 02:26:28 am
Steel change your name to Steel Steel.
can usernames have squared symbols because then you could be Steel^2
Post by: Fire Mage on January 05, 2009, 02:36:41 am
very important post...this one.
oh and steel i screamed at your head pictures :(
Post by: fatty on January 05, 2009, 03:00:36 am
is that Laurence Cutner from House on your background
also holyshit your head looks awesome if my head was like that i would keep my hair at that length and keep the pins in just to look cool
Post by: Parker on January 05, 2009, 03:39:10 am
On a related note, I just found out my little 13 year old cousin might have a brain tumor. She's the sweetest little girl ever.
gay
Post by: Niitaka on January 05, 2009, 07:57:16 am
Post by: fatty on January 05, 2009, 09:18:07 am
Haha, awesome man. Looks like it went well.Really sorry to hear that, man, I hope she turns out to be okay! I have a very distant cousin that is around seven or eight years old and was diagnosed with a rare brain disease of some sort and had to do extensive surgery to remove a bunch of tumors. Not pretty.
On a related note, I just found out my little 13 year old cousin might have a brain tumor. She's the sweetest little girl ever.
gay
Post by: AznChipmunk on January 06, 2009, 03:59:41 am
Post by: Parker on January 08, 2009, 07:41:30 am
Really sorry to hear that, man, I hope she turns out to be okay! I have a very distant cousin that is around seven or eight years old and was diagnosed with a rare brain disease of some sort and had to do extensive surgery to remove a bunch of tumors. Not pretty.That sucks dude. Man, I bet 2Pac has a song for this kind of situation.
Post by: Parker on January 08, 2009, 07:43:06 am
Post by: Farren on January 08, 2009, 07:46:30 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 08, 2009, 02:51:50 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on January 08, 2009, 02:55:29 pm
they're coming out today, it's apparently not very painful according to my friend's gf who is a nurse.
what would it take for you to mail me one???
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 08, 2009, 03:07:29 pm
okay going now.
edit: aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAARGH
GWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
THIS HUUUUUUUUUUUUUURTS
thats me im gonna say that.
Post by: ase on January 08, 2009, 03:13:37 pm
Post by: fatty on January 08, 2009, 03:49:01 pm
Post by: Cray on January 08, 2009, 04:50:22 pm
Very good luck with this I hope it doesn't hurt much.
Post by: fatty on January 08, 2009, 04:58:16 pm
Post by: Ryan on January 08, 2009, 05:14:22 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 08, 2009, 05:48:35 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on January 08, 2009, 05:49:23 pm
Post by: BlackRaven on January 08, 2009, 05:59:01 pm
Stitches for bitches. At uncle house, staples hurt a little, like a pinch. Got big ole holes. W00t.
Do you feel like Frankenstein's Monster now?
Post by: Bonehead on January 08, 2009, 06:04:06 pm
that will blow everyone's minds away? Will the hair like grow back at a regular speed?
I don't have a clue on what chemo/cancer does to your hair >_>
Post by: YourHero on January 08, 2009, 07:05:04 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on January 08, 2009, 07:07:04 pm
So you're gonna go for badass skinhead with holes in the head or get some funky wig
that will blow everyone's minds away? Will the hair like grow back at a regular speed?
I don't have a clue on what chemo/cancer does to your hair >_>
Chemo works by killing quickly dividing cells (ie. cancer), but it's sort of like a WMD for your body because it does not differentiate between hostile and friendly cells. In this case the cells of the hair follicle are the fast growing cells and get wiped out by the chemo. Hair growth resumes normal speed once the chemo is completed and the cells have had time to recover.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 08, 2009, 08:53:10 pm
Post by: Beasley on January 09, 2009, 11:00:49 pm
i'll get a pic of it later, and probably write out asadthoroughly confident and optimistic explanation of what is to come.
waiting
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 12, 2009, 10:00:22 pm
so first off what exactly happened. with this type of cancer, it tends to run into the brain. normal chemotherapy cannot pass the blood brain barrier, and so it may have been there already or it may have just grown from after my surgery on my chest. we don't know. either way I've been told they might not have done anything if they found it early anyways, as it would be too small to justify resection, and would have let it grow a bit, although maybe not to peach sized.
as for effects, cognitively I was fine, I didn't even have a headache. they checked all this. physically though, my left side was weaker than my right for some reason; I would drift to the left, they did a test where I held out my hands palms up, closed my eyes and when I opened it, the left had dropped about an inch for some reason, blah blah. there were physical side effects but none too bad; I tripped on the shoes on the way out the house for the MRI so.
the tumor was almost certainly resected entirely. the smaller tumor, located behind my right temple, cannot be surgically removed, but will be treated with radiation sometime this or next week and is not a concern. fun fact; in the old days they used to surgically attach a halo to you so your head wouldn't move during the radiation. but now, they create a perfect mold of your face so you can't move and it's this mask. AND YOU GET TO KEEP THE MASK!
here's the bad part...adelines...brace yourself.
because of how quick this tumor is and how resilient it is, we'll be going to Indiana to see Dr. Einhorn, the best with this type of cancer. the belief is we'll have to do something called high dose chemo.
I am not even going to describe high dose chemo. just know; this is a chemo so bad it damages your bone marrow. it can't be done on the elderly, as it might kill them. this will make the old chemo look like a walk in the park. I'm not sure if we'd do it in Indiana or in NC, but that will be determined later. right now the timeline is to do the radiation and then see Einhorn. buuuuut this is gonna kick my ass but good.
Post by: Marcus on January 12, 2009, 10:05:25 pm
i'm rolling your fortitude save. oh look at that, natural 20.
Post by: Marcus on January 12, 2009, 10:20:20 pm
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/26699/goodluck.jpg)
I mean it. High intensity whatever you've got radiation going straight to your body I'd piss my pants.
Post by: dada on January 12, 2009, 10:28:31 pm
Really, I just don't know what to say. You apparently had two cancers, one in the brain which might have been completely unrelated to the other one due to the improbability of metastasis through the blood brain barrier. How is that even possible? Have you ever considered selling all your possessions to buy lottery tickets?
Don't forget to keep us updated on the money situation too. You don't want to take money from the internet, but last I checked pride wasn't an FDA-approved panacea.
Post by: Sapsuker on January 12, 2009, 10:32:41 pm
yeah good luck. don't die. gw n-needs you
Post by: Terin on January 12, 2009, 10:52:19 pm
A friend of mine growing up had high-dose chemo (from Leukemia and a brain tumor) and survived. She was I think 6 or 7 when she had it and actually had to have a marrow donor afterward. However, the important part is that she survived and she's living a great life right now. To this day, she actually does the art for the holiday cards for Memorial Children's Hospital (may be M.D. Anderson now -- this crap changes so quick down here) Cancer Center for Kids, here in Houston.
It's ugly, it sucks, and it can be painful as hell -- but keep in mind that a 6 year-old girl can go through it and pull through fine. I'm sure you'll be able to do it. Best of luck!
--Terin
Post by: Marcus on January 12, 2009, 10:56:47 pm
Probably won't help you in Indiana and you might get a taste for children's cartoons, mango, and Middle Eastern cuisine.
Post by: dada on January 12, 2009, 11:14:02 pm
I am willing to donate bone marrow. Just saying, if you need marrow I'm on the active donors list for both Virginia and Washington I WILL VOLUNTEER MYSELF AND FLY THERE.I know you're just joking (you are, right?) but it's much more difficult to get a bone marrow transplant. Donor and recipient must have close resemblance in their antigen makeup (these are called HLA antigens), making random unrelated donor matches overwhelmingly unlikely. Siblings are almost always the best bet. This is why you should ask mommy and daddy for a kid brother or sister.
Post by: Alec on January 12, 2009, 11:28:02 pm
Post by: Beasley on January 12, 2009, 11:37:41 pm
and man that sounds really tough man, but if anyone can get through it you can. best wishes......
Post by: Marcus on January 13, 2009, 12:01:04 am
I know you're just joking (you are, right?) but it's much more difficult to get a bone marrow transplant. Donor and recipient must have close resemblance in their antigen makeup (these are called HLA antigens), making random unrelated donor matches overwhelmingly unlikely. Siblings are almost always the best bet. This is why you should ask mommy and daddy for a kid brother or sister.
I am on two lists of active donors and have been called in to donate before (nice vacation, they fly you to washington, it hurts like fuck but you get 5 days paid vacation) but I didn't think it was this difficult to donate :(
sorry for getting hopes up
Post by: fatty on January 13, 2009, 01:02:13 am
Post by: baseball19225 on January 13, 2009, 01:37:34 am
here's the bad part...adelines...brace yourself.:sweat:
sounds real bad but you better not give in you fucking
good luck pal!!! maybe this tumor removal will take away the part of your brain that makes you an asshole...
Post by: big ass skelly on January 13, 2009, 01:40:22 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 13, 2009, 01:43:35 am
also omeg metastasis to the brain is VERY possible, its chemo that can't penetrate blood brain.
also
Quote
Steel,
A friend of mine growing up had high-dose chemo (from Leukemia and a brain tumor) and survived. She was I think 6 or 7 when she had it and actually had to have a marrow donor afterward. However, the important part is that she survived and she's living a great life right now. To this day, she actually does the art for the holiday cards for Memorial Children's Hospital (may be M.D. Anderson now -- this crap changes so quick down here) Cancer Center for Kids, here in Houston.
It's ugly, it sucks, and it can be painful as hell -- but keep in mind that a 6 year-old girl can go through it and pull through fine. I'm sure you'll be able to do it. Best of luck!
--Terin
this is honestly GOOD TO HEAR; I can only find sterile descriptions of high dose chemo and nothing about people who went through it. if she did it while she was six and was not DRIVEN MAD BY PAIN I hope I will be okay. who knows though, it's going to be rough.
Post by: mkkmypet on January 13, 2009, 04:43:54 am
hey steel by the way you're kinda inspiring.
this is probably going to sound really dumb. so, i've thought a lot over these past few months about what it must be like for kids who go through cancer, and i had wanted to know how i could help. after a lot of research, i decided that it would be worthwhile to pursue a career that could help kids with cancer and other diseases. i want to work at a hospital when i'm older as a child therapist and i want to have the job of the person who gets close with the kids and explains to them everything that they're going to be going through. i've always been incredibly interested in things like that, and i have always wanted to be a counselor of some sort. since this school year started, i've been pursuing that goal. next year i'm taking AP psychology, sociology, and AP physiology among other things. and even if i dont end up working in a cancer hospital, i'm still interested in the classes. so uh, thanks for getting me more interested in this stuff, and i hope all continues to go well with your treatment :D
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 13, 2009, 05:02:36 am
they still smile :(
a nurse told me THEY DONT REALLY UNDERSTAND DEATH and this made it so much worse fffffff.
seriously though I am considering doing BIG MONEY LAW just to donate all of it away because I bet I could do more good this way. I mean I know my chemo is a particularly rough one and most kids dont do something as bad as what I did or am going to do and I THANK GOD but I'm reminded of the day I had knee pain and someone in an attempt to make me feel better was like HEY SIX YEAR OLD KIDS DO THIS and aside from solidifying in my head NO THIS ISNT NORMAL CHEMO PAIN it also horrified me that a child could feel this level of pain. like chemo is constant pain for months and months and the worst part isn't that you feel but eventually your body gets used to being in constant pain. you are still in pain but you just don't notice it at much, it's like when you train as a marathon runner and the first few weeks are hardest because your body doesn't know this is a new state of affairs.
and the idea that kids have to adjust to a constant pain is just ffffff.
I dunno I wish I was a better writer so I could convey chemo and how awful it is. not because I want to be all HEH I DID THIS IM COOL but because it's such an incredibly awful experience and just saying "mild nausea, loss of hair" doesn't convey the feeling I had when I came home from the hospital and took my shirt off for the first time in front of a mirror and felt something break inside my head as I saw my bloated stretchmarked body and the right side just shaved with this awful disgusting THIRD EYE SLIT in my right chest like a fucking coin slot clotted with blood. it's like aging 20 years in a week.
Post by: ase on January 13, 2009, 05:10:49 am
i don't know what your high dose chemo will be like, but I really hope you don't have any more complicates similar to KNEE DAY because from the descriptions you gave us, it sounded like you were begging for mercy and willing to die which is absolutely horrible and unimaginable to me.
Post by: headphonics on January 13, 2009, 05:15:50 am
Post by: ase on January 13, 2009, 05:20:24 am
it doesn't help that parents tend to shelter their children by giving them "childish," incomplete and often wrong definitions in order to ease them in on the concept. Many parents skip over the explanation of the term "forever" and choose to say something like "a very long time" when explaining the length of death.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 13, 2009, 05:21:32 am
it is that there are days you understand wanting to die.
no one here I think has really got an idea of wanting to die. some of you have been suicidal. but the fact you're still here means you didn't push the button, you didn't go through with it. something, even INCONVENIENCE, prevented you and kept you going. there were days on chemo if I had the option I would have CUT OFF THE OFFENDING ORGAN. no hesitation. if it meant it would stop HURTING i'd stop it. the only reason i did not take a hammer and smash my knees on knee day or break my legs on that day after my surgery was because i knew it would not stop the pain. the days when nothing seemed to get better I honestly thought "so this is what getting really old and sick is like. no wonder old people are like 'i'm ready to go'"
it is such an impossible thought to have at 22 and yet I have had it.
wow what six year old doesnt understand death? isn't this something parents explain? i vividly remember being 3 when my mom explained CONCEPT OF DEATH to me and being horrified beyond words. six seems old not to get it!
did you really get the concept of NEVER WAKE UP AGAIN though.
also by the concept of death i mean THEY ARE GOING TO DIE AND PROBABLY VERY PAINFULLY. most people do not grasp this concept until the day they die, let alone children.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 13, 2009, 05:23:50 am
Post by: ase on January 13, 2009, 05:24:04 am
Hidden content (Click to reveal)
Three to Six Years
Child's Perception: Child thinks death is reversible; temporary, like going to sleep or when a parent goes to work; believes that people who die will come back
1. "Magical thinking"; believes their thoughts, actions, word caused the death; or can bring deceased back; death is punishment for bad behavior
2. Still greatly impacted by parent's emotional state
3. Has difficulty handling abstract concepts such as heaven
4. Regressive behaviors; bed wetting, security blanket, thumb sucking, etc.
5. Difficulty verbalizing therefore acts out feelings
6. Increased aggression - more irritable, aggressive play
7. Will ask the same questions repeatedly in efforts to begin making sense of loss
8. Only capable of showing sadness for short periods of time
9. Escapes into play
10. Somatic symptoms
11. Hungers for affection and physical contact, even from strangers
12. Connects events that don't belong connected
13. May exhibit little anxiety due to belief that deceased is coming back
Child's Perception: Child thinks death is reversible; temporary, like going to sleep or when a parent goes to work; believes that people who die will come back
1. "Magical thinking"; believes their thoughts, actions, word caused the death; or can bring deceased back; death is punishment for bad behavior
2. Still greatly impacted by parent's emotional state
3. Has difficulty handling abstract concepts such as heaven
4. Regressive behaviors; bed wetting, security blanket, thumb sucking, etc.
5. Difficulty verbalizing therefore acts out feelings
6. Increased aggression - more irritable, aggressive play
7. Will ask the same questions repeatedly in efforts to begin making sense of loss
8. Only capable of showing sadness for short periods of time
9. Escapes into play
10. Somatic symptoms
11. Hungers for affection and physical contact, even from strangers
12. Connects events that don't belong connected
13. May exhibit little anxiety due to belief that deceased is coming back
Post by: headphonics on January 13, 2009, 05:25:37 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on January 13, 2009, 05:27:08 am
Post by: Cho on January 13, 2009, 05:38:42 am
I'll stop this
If it's helping you any, keep doing it.
seriously though I am considering doing BIG MONEY LAW just to donate all of it away because I bet I could do more good this way.
You can be all like, "You should think about settling. I beat cancer six ways from Sunday when I was half your age. Do you really think you're gonna be the one to take me down? Heh"
Post by: Farren on January 13, 2009, 05:58:09 am
Post by: JMickle on January 13, 2009, 09:54:37 am
just think steel years from now whenever someone's complaining of a headache or dislocated hip or whatever you can be like "hey, i had high levels of poison pumped through my body, and then after i was done with that had my head cut open and then even HIGHER levels of poison pumped through my body which destroyed my bone marrow, stop bitching."
"Some bitch put staples in my head"
Pull through, steel.
Post by: helter skelter on January 13, 2009, 01:28:45 pm
Post by: Eike on January 13, 2009, 07:48:04 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 03, 2009, 10:42:42 pm
Post by: Farren on February 03, 2009, 10:46:37 pm
Post by: Alec on February 03, 2009, 10:54:30 pm
that sounds like you aren't dying so I'm contentgood news! There's jello at the hospital! i'm dying though
Post by: Seawed on February 03, 2009, 11:37:12 pm
Post by: Boulvae on February 04, 2009, 12:51:28 am
You guys are lucky to how you understood the concept, I had my first taste of the reality of death when I was 4 and I encountered a big, furry, corpse (definantly bigger then me) with blood everywhere in the basement bathroom and I was pretty much screaming for hours. My dad was comforting me (likewise up and explaining to me what death was without sugar coating it, didn't help calm me down very much) the whole time while I was trying to speak but only garbling jibberish. After that despite my inability to know what death was as a description until I was like 7-8, I knew what it was.
Post by: Farren on February 04, 2009, 12:55:40 am
Post by: Bisse on February 04, 2009, 02:18:40 am
Post by: Shadow Kirby on February 04, 2009, 02:31:37 am
Good to hear you have good news.
Post by: fatty on February 04, 2009, 03:13:42 pm
Post by: Christophomicus on February 04, 2009, 03:20:05 pm
Hey, if it'll make you feel better we could hire a stripper to come down there and cheer you up! (Can't really think of anything else to help.)
You guys are lucky to how you understood the concept, I had my first taste of the reality of death when I was 4 and I encountered a big, furry, corpse (definantly bigger then me) with blood everywhere in the basement bathroom and I was pretty much screaming for hours. My dad was comforting me (likewise up and explaining to me what death was without sugar coating it, didn't help calm me down very much) the whole time while I was trying to speak but only garbling jibberish. After that despite my inability to know what death was as a description until I was like 7-8, I knew what it was.
what, uh
what was this corpse?
EDIT: and what was it doing there! just this big bloody corpse in your basement bathroom?? jesus, maybe i don't want to know.
Post by: fatty on February 04, 2009, 03:41:23 pm
Post by: Shadow Kirby on February 04, 2009, 03:46:05 pm
Hey, if it'll make you feel better we could hire a stripper to come down there and cheer you up! (Can't really think of anything else to help.)
You guys are lucky to how you understood the concept, I had my first taste of the reality of death when I was 4 and I encountered a big, furry, corpse (definantly bigger then me) with blood everywhere in the basement bathroom and I was pretty much screaming for hours. My dad was comforting me (likewise up and explaining to me what death was without sugar coating it, didn't help calm me down very much) the whole time while I was trying to speak but only garbling jibberish. After that despite my inability to know what death was as a description until I was like 7-8, I knew what it was.
CHEWBACCA!!!!!!!!!!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 04, 2009, 09:03:20 pm
about a few days before brain surgery it was 224.
he took a blood test in Indiana annnnnnd
it's 94! not down to normal yet but that's good news. if it keeps dropping I won't have to do a hell chemo while being certain of death.
ALSO
they were filming a porno next door and my mom was in the room with me and kept saying "oh these strange sounds. shes crying. why doesn't anyone help her :( " until I finally said HOLY SHIT THEY ARE FUCKING DO YOU NOT REALIZE THIS.
also it was a porno because you could hear multiple men giving drections and shit it was pretty hilarious until it went on till like 3 am and I had to call the front desk and tell them I HAVE HOSPITAL TOMORROW.
Post by: tuxedo marx on February 04, 2009, 09:08:53 pm
also that story made me laugh a lot. :)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 04, 2009, 09:10:38 pm
but then a few seconds later "look will you [unintelligible] or not we need a money shot you fucking fag bitch" and I totally lost it.
Post by: headphonics on February 04, 2009, 09:11:09 pm
Post by: Farren on February 05, 2009, 01:10:49 am
when I we were docked in japan there were three bars in a line. One was a pretty cheap not so nice place one was ALWAYS CLOSED and the other (where I usually drank) was a pretty fancy jazz/surfer hangout.
Anyways the closed bar shot porn in it and my bosun (who was a tiny 50 year old puerto rican guy) told me about how one day he heard them fucking and tried to use his camera to get a shot of the inside and the Japanese dudes popped out the door and chased him off.
I also remember my first, first mate (who was cool as fuck) told me when he was sitting at the bar one day a tired looking japanese chick sat on the stool next to him with wet hair and nothing but a towel and I laughed my ass off for like ten minutes straight, I don't think he understood what was going on which made it that much funnier.
Post by: Boulvae on February 05, 2009, 01:52:14 am
what, uh
what was this corpse?
EDIT: and what was it doing there! just this big bloody corpse in your basement bathroom?? jesus, maybe i don't want to know.
I asked Dad about it, apparently went hunting with a friend of his and brought back a kill. He was draining the thing of blood (which by the way the drain hole in the basement is in the middle of the room, quite a ways from the bathroom so the blood was flowing across the floor). It was pretty mangled and butchered by the time I saw it, he was also removing the organs and skinning it (stopped while we were at his place), had too do it the moment he got back since the refrigerator couldn't hold the whole thing. So thats why it was so bloody. He said it was a male deer but that didn't look like no deer to me.
Your mother didn't know that was porn Steel? Thats interesting to know, what was her reaction when you told her it was porn.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 05, 2009, 01:58:24 am
a google will answer this!
they are interchangeable!
also she just kind of ignored it after I finally convinced her someone was getting their fuck on and then it got really loud so I had to call the front desk.
Post by: Mamamack on February 05, 2009, 02:08:27 am
you shouldve gone over there, man
Also, it's good to hear that things are looking up. Keep up your spirits!
Post by: Farren on February 05, 2009, 02:42:00 am
coxswain is it bosun? I ask because in the tempest shakespeare opens with "boatswain" and when I saw it live I realized it was pronounced "bosun" but I didn't know if the spelling changed?
a google will answer this!
they are interchangeable!
also she just kind of ignored it after I finally convinced her someone was getting their fuck on and then it got really loud so I had to call the front desk.
A boatswain is a bosun which is a sort of manager of the deck crew. Not an officer yet but more like head coxswain.
a coxswain is an AB which are the brunt of the deck crew, they steer the ship and maintain it.
From my experience bosuns nowadays can be real pussies and won't stand up for the crew. I hope one day I get to be a bosun though but its pretty hard unless you get a captain/company to vouch for you, fucking political bullshit...
and I can see how you thought it was interchangeable because in reality they are basically the same thing, but the boatswain has more sway on what goes on on the ship and he can call the union on a mate's/captain/engineer's ass if he has to. Plus they make alot more money.
THE SAME GUY YOU'RE GOING TO EVENTUALLY HAVE TO TELL TO FUCK OFF BECAUSE HE'S ABUSING POWER IS GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE YOU A RECOMMENDATION SO YOU CAN BE A BOSUN! Its pretty stupid and yeah there are other ways to be a bosun, but you've got to have connections or be notorious enough for people to want you as a bosun.
Post by: Lisa75 on February 05, 2009, 09:56:58 am
This is not a joke or a prank. I wouldn't say anything, but I'm sure I'll miss somone in private.
I went in for a routine cough, and found a large mass, mostly over the right side of the lung. It appears to be cancer. We had a biopsy today, and will find out later on Friday. The mass is very large, and from one doctor's chilling pre-biopsy assessment "you'll still have time to do what you need".
I will update you later on what happens, but I'm indefinitely stepping down as staffer (I think I have more important things to deal with, huh) and taking a break from GW till this gets figured out.
I just wanted you all to know, if this turns out bad (about a 50% chance it could from what I gathered), you dorks and nerds and faggots are among the best people I've ever met, and if you ever fucking doubt that I want you to remember that I said that, because no one else will be as honest.
if you are of a praying sort, pray in your church or whatever that this is benign or something else.
I love you all. Either way this is going to be a long evil cruel haul, but I'm glad I started it with you.
Just today i have visited this post, i have not read the other pages because i believe that you are in good condition. Good luck
Post by: jamie on February 05, 2009, 03:44:34 pm
i mean I would, you know? and i'm less aware than you.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 05, 2009, 04:43:05 pm
where you goin
just gonna check out whos gettin their fuck on, brb at like three
ok *goes back to sleep*
Post by: Chief Onga Bonga on February 06, 2009, 10:06:23 pm
A friend of mine had cancer in his leg, and when that was treated, got it in his left lung, then 4 months later his right...
He's alive and kicking (With one leg 3 inches shorter than the other) and even smoking (Idiot). He's cancer free. So i believe that you'll be alright, just keep on keepin' on
Post by: Farren on February 06, 2009, 10:30:01 pm
I'm pretty good with moms and dads. SON, WHAT IS WHRONG WITH THAT WHITE BOY?? Even religious moms and dads. The only problem I've had is that they try to convert me but after awhile they pick up that it isn't possible and kind of give up.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 07, 2009, 12:03:44 am
Post by: Boulvae on February 07, 2009, 12:12:02 am
If we do ever meet, how do you pronounce your last name? Paladin, or Pala-dine?
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on February 07, 2009, 04:58:35 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 07, 2009, 05:02:28 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 07, 2009, 05:03:20 am
Post by: Farren on February 07, 2009, 11:24:05 am
Post by: Vellfire on February 07, 2009, 11:28:59 am
Post by: cowardknower on February 07, 2009, 04:54:11 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 07, 2009, 11:12:15 pm
Post by: Ryan on February 07, 2009, 11:12:45 pm
Post by: ase on February 07, 2009, 11:16:50 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on February 07, 2009, 11:25:16 pm
Post by: Bisse on February 07, 2009, 11:55:36 pm
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on February 08, 2009, 12:06:01 am
Post by: Bisse on February 08, 2009, 12:07:47 am
?
Post by: fatty on February 08, 2009, 12:51:45 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on February 08, 2009, 01:08:07 am
also :fogetsmile:
Post by: ase on February 08, 2009, 01:09:41 am
Post by: Sapsuker on February 08, 2009, 01:14:25 am
:)
Post by: jamie on February 08, 2009, 01:15:43 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 01:19:22 am
asgkdhfsfkfff
fksfkfff
kfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Post by: BlackRaven on February 08, 2009, 01:20:16 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 01:21:19 am
Post by: Ryan on February 08, 2009, 01:21:25 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 01:21:44 am
i did
Post by: Ryan on February 08, 2009, 01:21:59 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on February 08, 2009, 01:23:08 am
if it was a plot to see if id cry
i did
steel tears are worth millions kind of like whale poop
dont die. your life is an investment for us now.
happy stick it to cancer day!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 01:31:18 am
Post by: Ryan on February 08, 2009, 01:37:26 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 01:39:42 am
Sredni comes over and hes got a gz comic. it's a story about a steel block with rust and hiratio trying to cure him. I read the whole thing smiling etc and Sredni's got a good poker face on when I turn to the last page
and discover a check for $4,050 dollars from GW.
I can't even...
you guys.
I told myself cancer would never break me, I would bend but it would never break me.
but it has in that
I would never expect internet strangers basically to do this for me. I cannot even tell you man. my mom says WHAT I CAN I DO FOR THEM??? and uh I'm not sure she can but jesus christ you guys.
you guys beat THE INDIAN COMMUNITY. people who have known me since I was born. you guys beat them.
jesus christ.
I am overwhelmed, CRYIN ATM *TEARS STREAK SEMEN*
Post by: jamie on February 08, 2009, 01:41:24 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 01:43:16 am
heh....now you cant be mean to anyone on gw anymore
i kind of dont want to know who donated what for this exact reason HOW WILLI CALL SAREVOK AN ENORMOUS DICK WHEN HE DONATED 20,000 CHUPS???
hahah watch the nackster donate exactly the amount of samsung...
seriously though goddammit. as I said on IRC if there's not a substantial amount left I could prorate back I will donate it to American Cancer Society or something. there probably won't be though since med bills are somethin.
Post by: jamie on February 08, 2009, 01:45:14 am
Post by: Vellfire on February 08, 2009, 01:45:39 am
gaming world: beating the indian community since 2009
no but really i hope you get your bills paid off man
Post by: GirlBones on February 08, 2009, 01:46:37 am
Post by: big ass skelly on February 08, 2009, 01:47:21 am
Post by: elkalo on February 08, 2009, 01:48:20 am
Thanks GW! I think you are making him cry now lol.
Post by: Sludgelord on February 08, 2009, 01:49:38 am
Post by: jamie on February 08, 2009, 01:51:46 am
Post by: Bisse on February 08, 2009, 01:58:47 am
Post by: Randy Moist on February 08, 2009, 02:02:17 am
GW rules
Post by: Ragnar on February 08, 2009, 02:11:49 am
that made me like really happy inside I would never expect the internet to be dependable or anything
Post by: ase on February 08, 2009, 02:12:09 am
what now b*tch
also i just realized this is the perfect example of being able to tell your parents "all those years rotting away on the internet... heh... they paid off"
Post by: GZ on February 08, 2009, 02:23:23 am
we raised a lot, but cancer costs even more. i hope this money can provide some small relief to you and your family, and that this gesture tells you that we want to make sure you get out of this in one piece. this is from everyone who has participated in this thread, not just those involved in the donation drive. don't forget that you have a lot of friends who are thinking about you.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 02:27:36 am
IM GOING THROUHG PUBERTY :)
Post by: The Dude on February 08, 2009, 02:42:19 am
Post by: Doktormartini on February 08, 2009, 03:24:44 am
Post by: Farren on February 08, 2009, 03:27:41 am
also, you have to go to a gw meet now
I'm glad I don't have to keep a secret no more even though it wasn't like I was ITCHING TO TELL YOU I don't like hiding stuff :(
Post by: Farren on February 08, 2009, 03:32:10 am
Post by: xanque on February 08, 2009, 04:51:31 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 04:53:24 am
Post by: Barack Obama on February 08, 2009, 04:57:49 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 05:02:22 am
Post by: Fire Mage on February 08, 2009, 05:08:52 am
And GW certainly met a big amount. I'm really happy that they did, and I hope you can cover all your expenses Steel (I believe you already said some is going to Cancer Society so it's already going to cover it I'm assuming?). Either way, this is like a feel-good moment.
:)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 05:13:23 am
Post by: Fire Mage on February 08, 2009, 05:26:38 am
She seems like the type to still not say though, I'm guessing.
Post by: Marcus on February 08, 2009, 05:33:30 am
i kind of dont want to know who donated what for this exact reason HOW WILLI CALL SAREVOK AN ENORMOUS DICK WHEN HE DONATED 20,000 CHUPS???
hahah watch the nackster donate exactly the amount of samsung...
seriously though goddammit. as I said on IRC if there's not a substantial amount left I could prorate back I will donate it to American Cancer Society or something. there probably won't be though since med bills are somethin.
Funny story: at the time Nackster posted his samsung topic, we only raised 500$. When you posted "Nackster 1500$ would have cured me of cancer" i wanted to so badly reply with "will you settle with 500$?"
it killed me inside. then, literally 5 days later the money multiplied by 4... then doubled a week later.
this is the power of internet community. i was afraid for a moment that paypal would freeze the account.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 05:36:28 am
Post by: Sapsuker on February 08, 2009, 05:45:03 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 05:50:21 am
someone with access to this mystery forum confirm/deny crumply freakout.
read it, lolled very hard. dude freaked out because me and Ryan said Oasis was one of the shittier bands out there and claimed he was going to starve and he didn't know why he did it he hates me...
goddam thats pretty good though.
Post by: Marcus on February 08, 2009, 05:53:07 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on February 08, 2009, 06:25:43 am
Post by: Niitaka on February 08, 2009, 06:33:58 am
=)
i am really glad GZ and panda started talking about this and got it going because a lot of us wanted to help, yeah, but didn't know how.
also hundley came back to GW just to donate some ducats
Post by: Neophyte on February 08, 2009, 08:00:55 am
Post by: Pulits on February 08, 2009, 08:22:30 am
Fuck yes!
Post by: Jester on February 08, 2009, 08:50:53 am
And Steel, go buy 4000 tacos from Taco Bell. Do it.
Post by: SupremeWarrior on February 08, 2009, 11:02:16 am
Post by: Death Gulp on February 08, 2009, 11:49:36 am
Post by: DS on February 08, 2009, 12:12:30 pm
Post by: Jayce on February 08, 2009, 01:15:30 pm
You've got bully money
Post by: esp on February 08, 2009, 03:24:17 pm
still, nice job gw, thats a lotta cash
Post by: Cheshire Cat on February 08, 2009, 03:45:31 pm
As with above, i had no idea such a fund existed, but it's really amazing that it does. This is a properly heartwarming moment.
Now: get well.
Post by: Farren on February 08, 2009, 03:48:45 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on February 08, 2009, 04:00:36 pm
........l......... latka. latka from taxi.
you are not alone with your pain steel. after all, we are a community aren't we? everybody here wants you to stay alive so don't give up, buddy! otherwise this latka would be missing a model.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 04:55:06 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 08, 2009, 04:55:40 pm
Post by: Alec on February 08, 2009, 04:58:59 pm
Post by: Rowain on February 08, 2009, 05:06:36 pm
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on February 08, 2009, 07:11:01 pm
seriously, this is one of the best things i've seen the internet do.
Post by: tuxedo marx on February 08, 2009, 07:12:26 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on February 08, 2009, 07:13:23 pm
we want cakes. it's only fair. make us cakes.
Post by: ase on February 08, 2009, 07:28:32 pm
Post by: Guana on February 08, 2009, 08:29:07 pm
Post by: JMickle on February 08, 2009, 10:30:58 pm
all the money will be used to make a big cake to everyone who donated
Yeah fuck steel GW deserves cake
:)
Go GW; we made steel cry
Post by: xanque on February 09, 2009, 12:52:40 am
Steel. I think it's about time you gave a little something (100%) back.
Post by: Marcus on February 09, 2009, 12:57:56 am
in exchange i would like to rent steel's mom for a few hours to cook for me and my pals at an upcoming party
i hear she makes the best tandoori chicken but that's probably me stereotyping
edit: fuck i just made myself hungry and i have enough ingredients for chicken tikka masala see you guys in 2 hours
Post by: Shadow Kirby on February 09, 2009, 01:57:46 am
GW is a great community. :)
Post by: Marcus on February 09, 2009, 02:09:26 am
Post by: Cho on February 09, 2009, 03:12:13 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on February 09, 2009, 03:31:05 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on February 09, 2009, 03:43:28 am
sredni you better have caught steel tears on camera and post them on youtube
i caught them on a piece of blotter paper can i mail them to you
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on February 09, 2009, 03:43:40 am
Post by: Marcus on February 09, 2009, 03:48:28 am
Post by: helter skelter on February 09, 2009, 10:53:06 am
Post by: the_nackster on February 09, 2009, 07:53:41 pm
Quote
hahah watch the nackster donate exactly the amount of samsung...
Hehe, not quite, but I came close. Glad we could cheer you up. :)
Post by: ase on February 09, 2009, 10:05:46 pm
Helping a forum friend suffering from cancer.............. almost a samsung
Destroying a Samsung Q1-UP because its too hard to send things back to the manufacturer....... priceless
for everything else there's the_nackster
Post by: Sapsuker on February 09, 2009, 11:05:37 pm
Quote
Destroying a Samsung Q1-UP because its too hard to send things back to the manufacturer....... priceless
shouldn't the "priceless" part be $$1,500
Post by: Master of None on February 10, 2009, 12:08:21 am
Just caught wind of this whole ordeal, from the initial diagnosis through now, and I don't know what to say. At first glance, I had one of those heart-falls-into-your-gut moments upon hearing Steel's prognosis... like some rude, vulgar, and utterly hilarious part of the world I know- a peripheral, but no less vital spark in my personal universe- was in danger of being snuffed out altogether.
I'm a lazy bastard, and haven't gone through half of the 2,500 or so posts in this thread so far, but seeing the community from whom I normally expect racist humor, rampant chan-age, crappy RPGMaker games, and so on somehow create this enormous upsurge of goodwill... well, it really caught me off-guard.
It's really amazing to see how awesome people can be sometimes. Thanks.
@Steel:
As an on-again-off-again lurker, you don't know me, but in that wierd and stalkery way only capable on the web, I kinda know you. You've entertained the folks here in unique ways for years, and despite/because of being an ass and a troll have brought some great things to the community and the people here. It's telling how everyone, upon hearing from you, pulled together and offered you something during this ordeal.
As individuals, we're often blind to our personal gifts, and to the small, yet present impacts we have on the lives of others. You've got a lot to offer the world, be it in daily life, teh internets, or elsewhere.
I'm not a religious type, but it's my sincerest hope that you'll get through this whole thing stronger than before it began.
-- Peace.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 10, 2009, 12:50:31 am
Post by: ase on February 10, 2009, 12:52:51 am
Post by: The Ghost on February 10, 2009, 12:57:46 am
Btw, local news people would eat this shit up, but I would personally hate the publicity.
Edit:
Man shut ASE I said it first...
Post by: Boulvae on February 10, 2009, 12:58:46 am
Post by: Jayce on February 10, 2009, 01:43:31 am
But.... but that's what you said we were donating for :(
Post by: Vellfire on February 10, 2009, 02:18:12 am
Wait so GW isn't getting a new plasma TV?
But.... but that's what you said we were donating for :(
i thought we were buying him psp's
Post by: King of Spooks on February 10, 2009, 02:18:56 am
cash rules everyhintg man. cash rules tears.
Post by: Boulvae on February 10, 2009, 02:22:39 am
Post by: pburn on February 10, 2009, 02:49:40 am
Congratulations man.
Post by: ThugTears666 on February 10, 2009, 04:21:42 am
I'm a lazy bastard, and haven't gone through half of the 2,500 or so posts in this thread so far, but seeing the community from whom I normally expect racist humor, rampant chan-age, crappy RPGMaker games, and so on somehow create this enormous upsurge of goodwill... well, it really caught me off-guard.
The racist humor is sarcastic, some of our more prominent members happen to be 'minorities' :fogetshh:
GAMING WORLD HATES 4CHAN HUMOR
We also don't encourage crappy rpgmaker games
So thanks again
Post by: the_nackster on February 10, 2009, 04:31:33 am
Post by: Ryan on February 10, 2009, 04:34:58 am
We do encourage crappy rm games though. *cough*loveandwar*cough*
*cough*the entirety of g&d*cough*
Post by: ThugTears666 on February 10, 2009, 04:36:04 am
Post by: the_nackster on February 10, 2009, 04:46:49 am
*cough*the entirety of g&d*cough*
Shhhh! Youll scare away S4D again!
Post by: Farren on February 10, 2009, 06:26:44 am
Quote
June 4 - Memorial Auditorium - Raleigh, NC
you betta go to that fool, its a celebration
Post by: helter skelter on February 10, 2009, 08:40:05 am
Post by: Sludgelord on February 10, 2009, 08:56:47 am
Btw, local news people would eat this shit up, but I would personally hate the publicity.dude, this is actually a great idea. they'll put up a story "INTERNET RAISES $4000 FOR CANCER PATIENT" and then it will be all over the news and internet and people will raise like $100,000.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on February 10, 2009, 09:15:32 am
"so are you going to take advantage of this opportunity to improve yourself?"
"your mother tells me you're a hindu, did you find your religion to be of help?"
"what's your opinion on screamo?"
Post by: Barack Obama on February 10, 2009, 09:26:42 am
dude, this is actually a great idea. they'll put up a story "INTERNET RAISES $4000 FOR CANCER PATIENT" and then it will be all over the news and internet and people will raise like $100,000.and then steel can say he's gonna give it to some cancer fund but instead ball hard up and down the block in an escalade
Post by: GirlBones on February 10, 2009, 09:44:40 am
Post by: big ass skelly on February 10, 2009, 03:11:42 pm
Post by: DS on February 10, 2009, 03:14:10 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 10, 2009, 03:23:56 pm
also why the hell would I want to go see the decembrists.
COLIN MELOY ATTEMPTS TO RHYME A DICTIONARY-THE BAND
Post by: the_nackster on February 10, 2009, 05:16:07 pm
Post by: Farren on February 10, 2009, 06:59:13 pm
hahahaha THE NEWS y'all some funny goofuses (goofi).
also why the hell would I want to go see the decembrists.
COLIN MELOY ATTEMPTS TO RHYME A DICTIONARY-THE BAND
because you live in bumfuck and thats probably the only half decent show you'll get to see in awhile
sometimes I wish just about ANYONE even remotely good would come around here because I got to drive all the way to atlanta for it.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 10, 2009, 08:47:27 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on February 10, 2009, 08:58:58 pm
because you live in bumfuck and thats probably the only half decent show you'll get to see in awhileLol you think the decemberists are half decent!!!!
sometimes I wish just about ANYONE even remotely good would come around here because I got to drive all the way to atlanta for it.
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggg!
U got dissed, I do nt care I will diss people in a cancer thread I am fucking awqsome youer not because you listen to bad music
Fuck all that shit steel, u need to spend that money on something cool like a late 90s toyota celica or maybe a couple electric guitars
Post by: Farren on February 10, 2009, 09:09:35 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on February 10, 2009, 09:12:05 pm
Steel you should tattoo a bindi on your forehead
Post by: GZ on February 11, 2009, 12:15:20 pm
http://www.gamingw.net/forums/index.php?board=261.0
Post by: Wash Cycle on February 12, 2009, 04:59:21 am
dude, this is actually a great idea. they'll put up a story "INTERNET RAISES $4000 FOR CANCER PATIENT" and then it will be all over the news and internet and people will raise like $100,000.seconded
Post by: ase on February 12, 2009, 06:56:38 am
Post by: headphonics on February 12, 2009, 06:59:58 am
Post by: ase on February 12, 2009, 07:01:52 am
Post by: maladroithim on February 13, 2009, 04:29:16 pm
Guys . . . :(
Post by: Vellfire on February 13, 2009, 05:53:43 pm
it's not like he could make a post in general saying WE'RE GIVING STEEL MONEY (IF YOU'RE STEEL DON'T READ THIS)
Post by: Death Gulp on February 13, 2009, 05:55:03 pm
Post by: Alec on February 13, 2009, 07:34:27 pm
Steel: ok *turns around*
Gz: *incoherent whisper* ok you can turn around now
Steel: *turns around* hey where'd everyone go?
Gz: definitely not to a secret forum you can't see to donate money to you
Steel: oh ok
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 17, 2009, 06:42:49 pm
Post by: ase on February 17, 2009, 06:49:08 pm
Post by: Farren on February 17, 2009, 09:23:33 pm
my luckiness is gonna rub off on you all you gotta do is read this post
~lucky postin' post~
there you go
cancer free
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on February 17, 2009, 09:42:06 pm
15:10] FUCKOBUCKO: Good news
[15:10] FUCKOBUCKO: Things giods
[15:10] FUCKOBUCKO: Good
[15:11] FUCKOBUCKO: 67 tumor market
[15:11] FUCKOBUCKO: Post on gw
[15:11] FUCKOBUCKO: Plz
[15:18] FUCKOBUCKO:
[15:18] FUCKOBUCKO: Library time
HUGALUGALUGAHUGALAGHLAHG
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 17, 2009, 09:51:25 pm
I went to the library and must have gotten twenty books in some delirious rush of IM ALIVE!!
TIME TOR EAD!!!
jorge luis borges i see you reading here is the list of books other than dumb comic books:
beloved
where 3 roads meet by john barth
this side of paradise
ITALO FUCKIN CALVINO
portnoy's complaint
wodehouse jeeves book
Post by: bonzi_buddy on February 17, 2009, 09:55:03 pm
Post by: Standard Toaster on February 17, 2009, 10:43:40 pm
also what dumb comic books did you get (i'm actually pretty curious)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 17, 2009, 11:00:30 pm
also mostly some TPBs.
Post by: Farren on February 17, 2009, 11:15:20 pm
come back anytime....
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on February 17, 2009, 11:20:24 pm
I GOTTA!!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 07:20:25 pm
Quote
The test from 3/6 came back the same as the one prior : on 2/12 the AFP was 67. On 3/6 it is 78. this is not enough change to say that it is increasing. I would like to check it again in 1-2 weeks. I will have Rebecca set up an appointment for next week for lab draw.
no.
please god no.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 07:27:40 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 07:27:51 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 07:27:59 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on March 12, 2009, 07:31:24 pm
We are thinking of you man.
Post by: Barack Obama on March 12, 2009, 07:33:10 pm
Drink some greentea and reeelax
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on March 12, 2009, 07:38:44 pm
didn't those numbers used to be in the thousands?
Post by: Barack Obama on March 12, 2009, 07:40:53 pm
If u wanna just snuggle for a lil but
I will stroke your head in my lap
Oh that? Yeah its a boner...
A boner for u
Post by: Farren on March 12, 2009, 07:45:31 pm
by motherfucking cell....
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 07:48:27 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 07:49:38 pm
Discover What John's Disciples Knew About His Book of Revelation.
Post by: Rajew on March 12, 2009, 07:59:09 pm
tell your doc he can shrink me down if he has to and I'll beat all that cancer's ass one by one, cell by motherfucking cell.
by motherfucking cell....
yo even better i read this short story once, this guy got an incurable disease i think it was cancer?? He took ever sense neutralizer in existance so he was blind/deaf/couldnt touch or taste etc, and then he took every hallucinogen in existance, and this caused him to go inside of his body so he could fight all the cells himself
basically what im saying is steel does this and then instead of fighting them he writes essays on why they should leave and they're shamed out of his body cause they so dumb.
ofcourse the dude was never able to get out of himself again so maybe not the best option?
Post by: JMickle on March 12, 2009, 08:02:55 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on March 12, 2009, 08:11:42 pm
Post by: JMickle on March 12, 2009, 08:13:44 pm
ok i found the wikipedia page on it but that shit was toooo complicated
Post by: Barack Obama on March 12, 2009, 08:20:58 pm
Post by: Rajew on March 12, 2009, 08:21:38 pm
Idk tho but yea I assume thats what AFPs are.
edit: looks like dietcoke is faster than me....looks like i aint got what it takes to be no cowboy round these parts *holsters gun,lowers hat over face, walks into sunset*
Post by: JMickle on March 12, 2009, 08:24:45 pm
y'know i wanna know if hes exagerrating or whatever
Post by: Liquid Ocelot on March 12, 2009, 08:27:34 pm
Post by: esiann on March 12, 2009, 09:20:54 pm
:S is it bad? what numbers would be good or bad? i need some clarification just hearing NUMBER <- THIS IS BAD TRUST MEup is bad down is good is my really crude knowledge of it but if it goes up a little bit it might not be all that bad.
y'know i wanna know if hes exagerrating or whatever
still it's kind of a roller coaster of shit. you must escape the roller coaster of shit
Post by: Barack Obama on March 12, 2009, 09:23:57 pm
*holsters gun,lowers hat over face, walks into sunset**tumbleweed rolls by*
Post by: ase on March 12, 2009, 09:39:16 pm
Quote from: Wikipedia
A temporary increase in AFP immediately following chemotherapy may indicate not that the tumor is growing but rather that it is shrinking (and releasing AFP as the tumor cells die).
I don't know when you last had chemo, but this sounds fairly plausible.
also, do you know if the units of your tumor marker results are in ng/mL or MoM? out of curiousity
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 10:10:11 pm
Post by: JMickle on March 12, 2009, 10:15:05 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 10:16:06 pm
Post by: JMickle on March 12, 2009, 10:17:30 pm
sorry i just aint read it properly
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 10:18:35 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 10:23:50 pm
ya still not done!
I was just beginning to feel a little okay again, and now I might end up even worse than before! like if this goes up as it looks like it is, my chances go from maybe to PROBABLY GOING TO DIE. the fuck is that.
this is so goddam aggravating.
Post by: Ryan on March 12, 2009, 10:28:54 pm
*fades into the shadows*
Post by: Barack Obama on March 12, 2009, 10:51:48 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 11:19:33 pm
2. indiana, much harder chemo, indoors for months, possibly miss law school again.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 12, 2009, 11:38:11 pm
Post by: Cheshire Cat on March 12, 2009, 11:43:14 pm
This news has proper brought me down (not that for a second i'd compare what i'm feeling to what you're going through). It's a massive kick in the teeth but what choice do you have other than to deal with it however you can and smash cancer once and for all? You can do that.
Post by: Rajew on March 12, 2009, 11:46:14 pm
and children will sing your name and throw flowers in the streets in your honor for ever.
Hell at the very least you'll find a place in Valhalla for giving cancer the fight of it's life. You'll drink with Thor and Odin n' shit. a... true warriors honor...
Post by: Bisse on March 12, 2009, 11:55:59 pm
Post by: Beasley on March 13, 2009, 12:02:15 am
at one point words just do not do justice. you're just being inconsiderate.
Post by: Layzer Phish on March 13, 2009, 12:23:48 am
Post by: Rajew on March 13, 2009, 12:27:21 am
hey steel could you do me a favor and stop getting cancer so i can stop feeling bad about not being able to express in words how unfair and wrong this whole shitty situation is.
at one point words just do not do justice. you're just being inconsiderate.
alternatively: Steel's cancer why don't you just leave? It's like, you keep saying you're gonna leave, but then you come back, and you show us these little calenders of your schedule and you tell us you're rm2k version of Sorry (Sorro (sorrow???)) is gonna come out soon but all the progress you ever show are menu shots and anime. well you know what Steel's Cancer??? FUCK YOU YOU'RE BANNED FROM STEEL (could an admin please ban this guy??)
Post by: tuxedo marx on March 13, 2009, 12:32:06 am
gonna reiterate what everyone's said / the obvious but this is shit man. you gotta pull through this, gw wouldn't be the same without you!
Post by: Barack Obama on March 13, 2009, 01:31:45 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on March 13, 2009, 04:04:21 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on March 13, 2009, 04:10:36 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 14, 2009, 01:20:24 am
the saddest thing is we were supposed to go to India last summer, but this happened so my mom lied to her parents (my grandparents) and was like "we just...dont have money" but they are...
they're gonna die guys! pretty soon. they're really old so it's not too sad but the thing is if I do this high dose chemo and it bleeds into summer what the fuck. I won't be good enough to travel.
aaaaaah and we keep having to lie to them, it's awful. if you are like UM TELL THEM you're stupid. they are old and in another country and can't come here. cancer means death in India. so we just keep lying.
I hate this fucking disease.
Post by: Barack Obama on March 14, 2009, 01:23:13 am
i think you should probably tell your grandparents. I mean wouldn't you like to know something like this? :fogetshrug: im not trying to argue your family's decision and maybe im a lil out of bounds even commenting on it considering i know absolutely nothing, but w/e i just wanted to post more than a frowny face
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 14, 2009, 01:33:54 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 14, 2009, 01:34:39 am
Post by: Barack Obama on March 14, 2009, 01:46:52 am
at some point it really does become less about you and more about who you leave behind. I'm scared of dying but it hurts thinking about being grieved!
i understand ya man.
goddamn it's pretty painful just reading that you're scared of dying. imean my first reaction is to think "oh stop talking like that" and then i think 'well gee it's really easy for me to say something along those lines isn't it?' and i start thinking about just how real and terrifying it all is and get a lil choked up. I'm still gonna have HOPE though bud, and although it sounds patronizing, i think you should too.
Post by: elkalo on March 14, 2009, 05:15:04 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 14, 2009, 04:43:22 pm
Post by: Mongoloid on March 14, 2009, 08:30:12 pm
I hope everything gets better for you dude. There's not much I could say that hasn't been said, or would mean anything special so I guess I'm just crossing fingers for you man. GL
Post by: Sapsuker on March 14, 2009, 11:04:11 pm
what the fuck is this. is this some kind of super mutant cancer? god damn it. welp... if you believe in god, heh
i'm really sorry for you man. it's so awful to just have to go through it once, but god damn it, THREE TIMES. shit. :(
Post by: Pasty on March 14, 2009, 11:23:06 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on March 14, 2009, 11:24:47 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 14, 2009, 11:26:39 pm
oh no it could be three times come to think of it. the theory was it was old and undetected. hmmm fuck.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on March 15, 2009, 02:31:19 am
Post by: Barack Obama on March 15, 2009, 08:48:27 am
Post by: Jayce on March 15, 2009, 09:35:16 am
This blows man
Post by: Death Gulp on March 15, 2009, 10:45:02 am
Post by: Doktormartini on March 15, 2009, 05:53:41 pm
Post by: ase on March 15, 2009, 09:06:07 pm
Here's a little somethin for ya:
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on March 16, 2009, 12:24:15 am
that being said you spent a good 20 years or so growing it to the thousands, as long as you don't spend the next 20 years in chemo you've still got a decent life ahead of you
Post by: Terin on March 16, 2009, 12:50:16 am
--Terin
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 16, 2009, 02:01:05 am
that being said you spent a good 20 years or so growing it to the thousands
tumor markers grow exponentially.
Post by: big ass skelly on March 16, 2009, 02:17:58 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on March 16, 2009, 04:17:48 am
tumor markers grow exponentially.
yeah cell division or whatever but still 67 to 78 in a month means you've got a bit of time yet, and it seems like you responded well to treatment
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 16, 2009, 04:19:45 am
and now it's going up.
I'm also staying as negative as possible to prep myself! blood test tues...
Post by: Eike on March 17, 2009, 09:33:29 pm
Checked GW and saw this motherfucker's back. Got a sinking feeling, then thought that must be nothing compared to how you feel. Fuuuuck. Just... fuck :(
Good luck with the blood-test (and hey while we're at it why not 'good luck with beating the cancer'), you seriously deserve it... you're not allowed to die, that would be unfair and terrible. don't do it. please
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 17, 2009, 09:40:21 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on March 17, 2009, 09:48:10 pm
Post by: cowardknower on March 18, 2009, 04:40:28 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on March 18, 2009, 05:48:07 am
the blood test was today. results sometime this week.
jesus, dude. i'm not a religious guy but you have my sincere prayers.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 05:33:21 pm
looks like it's a brain tumor.
I lost all feeling in my left leg today, and then had trouble grabbing things for a bit. it went away but the oncologist is scheduling an MRI/CT.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on March 19, 2009, 06:02:02 pm
Post by: Ryan on March 19, 2009, 06:03:10 pm
Post by: esp on March 19, 2009, 06:08:32 pm
words aren't enough for this.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 06:12:19 pm
Post by: ase on March 19, 2009, 06:21:06 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on March 19, 2009, 06:27:07 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 06:28:28 pm
Post by: elkalo on March 19, 2009, 06:36:16 pm
Post by: DS on March 19, 2009, 06:37:53 pm
this is just too horrible :(
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 08:01:45 pm
Quote
The AFP is increasing. It was 150 on tuesday. We need to discuss what to do now, and will have to make a decision reagarding transplant at Indiana (vs. chemotherapy here).
I know that Rebecca is working on getting an appointment set up for you here in the office tomorrow. She is trying to set this up for the afternoon so that we might have the MRI result back to discuss.
Post by: big ass skelly on March 19, 2009, 08:05:34 pm
Post by: Farren on March 19, 2009, 08:15:30 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 08:34:58 pm
hey steel
you might die!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 08:42:19 pm
Post by: thecatamites on March 19, 2009, 09:12:27 pm
What does the 'transplant' part mean?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 09:16:39 pm
basically they inject you with a drug that artificially releases bone marrow stem cells into the blood stream. then they put one IV in one arm, and another IV in the other. the first IV extracts the blood and puts it through a machine that filters out the stemcells, and the other IV puts it back in. they freeze these stem cells. then they do the chemo and after it, inject me with my own stem cells.
Post by: Sludgelord on March 19, 2009, 09:40:04 pm
Post by: Boulvae on March 19, 2009, 09:45:01 pm
Your body must be pretty wrecked with all this chemo and surgery, think you can handle this stronger dose?
Post by: dada on March 19, 2009, 09:45:17 pm
Just survive through this, okay? Because I'm still planning on flying over and recording an episode of cookin' with doop.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 09:52:45 pm
Your body must be pretty wrecked with all this chemo and surgery, think you can handle this stronger dose?
I am not exaggerating when I say I could do twenty of these. it is the fact that with each one there comes a lower cure rate and more medical bills that bothers me more.
Post by: Massy2k6 on March 19, 2009, 10:18:53 pm
Post by: Farren on March 19, 2009, 10:19:12 pm
you can do that right? or are medical bills reconciled after passing?
this fucking sucks though yeah but I just couldn't see them giving me brain surgery twice after a fuckload of chemo over the past few months and still having the energy and drive to keep going. Guess you're stronger than I am.
Are they missing some lymph nodes or something? Why the hell does it keep coming back?
I really can't think of anything to say other then "god damnit" and thats been said dozens of times by dozens of different people and GOOD LUCK seems to be like yelling in the wind.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 19, 2009, 10:27:03 pm
I know nothing about cancer and im sorry to hear your news Magical Negro but can you just explain to me, does this mean you cought cancer twice or the original cancer you had wasnt actually gone? How does a person get cancer twice in one lifetime, thats crazy.
don't know yet! if it's in the brain it could be the original cancer still and it got missed buuuut I doubt it. cancer comes back all the time though.
Post by: YourHero on March 19, 2009, 10:37:06 pm
what goes through your mind at times like this?
Post by: Aten on March 19, 2009, 10:47:00 pm
edit:
I didn't read all posts, but they'll operate on your brain again? Has your head even healed from last time? I still remember those awful STAPLES.
Post by: ThugTears666 on March 19, 2009, 11:00:42 pm
Post by: Bobberticus on March 20, 2009, 12:35:37 am
Post by: Shadow Kirby on March 20, 2009, 12:52:03 am
I am not exaggerating when I say I could do twenty of these.
Tell us when you start glowing from the radiations.
Sorry to hear that the bitch is back Steel. :fogetsad:
Post by: Mateui on March 20, 2009, 01:39:51 am
:sad:
Post by: Hresvelgr White on March 20, 2009, 02:40:51 am
Hey Steel, you've probably got no idea who I am, but I've been swinging by this site for some time now; and I've always generally liked what you've had to say. You're a smart guy and that's pretty rare these days. I hope you can get through this again, man. I can support much, but I can add another voice to the choir of those already chiming in.
..fuck, I wish I had something better to say.
Post by: Parker on March 20, 2009, 03:13:00 am
I will try and find Dr. House for you. He will know what to do.
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on March 20, 2009, 08:35:09 am
I also saw a pretty cool ad today, it looked something like this
Cancer
Be
Beaten
Post by: Barack Obama on March 20, 2009, 08:39:35 am
goddammit
Post by: SupremeWarrior on March 20, 2009, 09:10:12 am
Post by: Terin on March 20, 2009, 02:32:43 pm
I've said it a billion times -- my friend did the entire bone-marrow transplant shit after fighting a losing battle -- and that's what ended up finally working for her. Best of luck. Keep fighting.
--Terin
Post by: Rajew on March 20, 2009, 03:05:53 pm
maybe if you could destroy/prevent the tumors with that it will go away?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 20, 2009, 09:10:51 pm
they could not find the tumor. they found spots; the tumor bed looks shifty but radiation does that anyways. there were also what could be spots in the brain and on the skull, but once again, SPOTS. there's also one on the spine.
since no one knows what this is we're doing a PET scan Monday.
here's the plan: if it's only in the brain skip this step but five days in the hospital doing chemo, a two week break during which bonemarrow will be extracted, and then five more days of the high dose chemo. we're not sure what the itinerary is but this could all be taking place in Indiana, as they can extract the bone marrow during the chemo if they do the first one there. if it's only in the brain we skip the first chemo because of blood brain barrier.
ahhhh indiana is so boring and i'm confined to the hospital! anal fuck.
Post by: Massy2k6 on March 20, 2009, 09:22:55 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 20, 2009, 09:28:23 pm
I mean I know cancer ahhhhh but there's work to be done and sure there arem oments where i'm all "Goddammit I am totally gonna die huh" but then I just say eh oh well.
its more frustrating and aggravating than sad or upsetting.
Post by: Sapsuker on March 20, 2009, 09:29:02 pm
this whole cancer thing is really lame. when you kick cancer's ass again, it better stay away. good luck.
Post by: Vellfire on March 20, 2009, 09:57:56 pm
the problem with cancer is that shitting your pants isn't going to help fight it off.un...
unless......the cancer is IN HIS SHIT!!!
WE MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING HERE
Post by: tuxedo marx on March 20, 2009, 10:05:03 pm
Post by: elkalo on March 20, 2009, 10:20:46 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on March 20, 2009, 10:32:51 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 20, 2009, 10:36:02 pm
Post by: elkalo on March 20, 2009, 10:49:29 pm
Post by: Boulvae on March 21, 2009, 12:24:11 am
Post by: Barack Obama on March 21, 2009, 12:43:43 am
the problem with cancer is that shitting your pants isn't going to help fight it off.dont knock it till u tried it
Post by: Farren on March 21, 2009, 03:04:32 am
unless you were gonna od on Valium or something like that.
Post by: Fire Mage on March 21, 2009, 03:27:05 am
damn it i was hoping this wouldn't happen (well obviously everyone was but still)
i don't know what to say...
Post by: Liquid Ocelot on March 21, 2009, 03:30:43 am
Post by: Alec on March 21, 2009, 04:32:13 am
if i had cancer like this, i'd try to find a woman and her vagina who wanted to die with me. this isn't a joke. and maybe it's crude. it's what i would do. so would she. i dunno.holy shit.
"i'm dying... can i... can i diei nside you?"
Post by: Ryan on March 21, 2009, 06:09:27 am
if i had cancer like this, i'd try to find a woman and her vagina who wanted to die with me. this isn't a joke. and maybe it's crude. it's what i would do. so would she. i dunno.
why are you so fucking stupid
Post by: Ryan on March 21, 2009, 06:10:54 am
Post by: headphonics on March 21, 2009, 07:36:01 am
Post by: Fire Mage on March 21, 2009, 03:11:08 pm
Shit man, must be hell getting all this treatment. I hope you get through this, my grandmother just died of lung cancer, 67 years old. It would be terrible if I hear about a tumor/cancer related death right now, hope this works out for you.???????
what is up with half these points with tones of "WELP I HOPE YOU DON'T DIE YOU KNOW -- IT MIGHT REALLY HAPPEN"
seriously you shouldn't be like "it'd be terrible to hear you died!" i think that is acknowledged and doesn't really help shit at all.
Post by: Liquid Ocelot on March 21, 2009, 04:49:50 pm
???????Im just hoping that the worst doesn't happen. Nobody wants that, ever :/
what is up with half these points with tones of "WELP I HOPE YOU DON'T DIE YOU KNOW -- IT MIGHT REALLY HAPPEN"
seriously you shouldn't be like "it'd be terrible to hear you died!" i think that is acknowledged and doesn't really help shit at all.
Post by: cowardknower on March 21, 2009, 05:10:01 pm
thatd be pr. cool actually if the woman was already dying. you could go through it together.....
yeah but she'd have to kill herself after jamie died. cause the odds of you both dying at the same time are probably low so she'd just be there with a dead man's deflating dick in her dabumpadin for who knows how long.
yeah you would both need to get a secret agent tooth.
Post by: cowardknower on March 21, 2009, 05:11:44 pm
*supports*
*emotes*
ahhhh i wrote *shares feelings* but made a typo that said share sfeelings and then i deleted the typo and tried to fix it but just wrote share sfeelings again don't you hate that?
*shares feelings*
but steel i feel like you are a good guy and i just want you to know that i think I like you and that is all. Oh man no I don't even want to say that it's too lame "here let me try to make you feel better in your terrible predicament"
whateverglahdjkalsdhgldahlgdsagasdhgldshalghdslahgldsagdsag
Post by: Carrion Crow on March 21, 2009, 05:14:35 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on March 21, 2009, 05:14:53 pm
Post by: Alec on March 21, 2009, 05:44:08 pm
Post by: fatty on March 21, 2009, 05:46:57 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 21, 2009, 05:50:03 pm
were a couple of guys, who'd been friends since grade school.
one was named cyrus, and the other was jeff.
and they practiced twice a week in jeff's bedroom.
the best ever death metal band out of denton
never settled on a name.
but the top three contenders, after weeks of debate,
were satan's fingers, and the killers, and the hospital bombers.
jeff and cyrus believed in their hearts they were headed
for stage lights and leer jets, and fortune and fame.
so in script that made prominent use of a pentagram,
they stenciled their drumheads and guitars with their names.
this was how cyrus got sent to the school
where they told him he'd never be famous.
and this was why jeff,
in the letters he'd write to his friend,
helped develop a plan to get even.
when you punish a person for dreaming his dream,
don't expect him to thank or forgive you.
the best ever death metal band out of denton
will in time both outpace and outlive you.
hail satan!
hail satan tonight!
hail satan!
hail hail!
Post by: fatty on March 21, 2009, 06:04:45 pm
also thirty three hundred posts wow i have no life.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 23, 2009, 06:47:58 pm
PET scan revealed activity in the area where they reseccted the lung tumor, so that's probably where it is. so the plan:
over the next week I do blood work, scans, shit like that, to make sure I can survive high dose chemo. they also give me regular injections to artificially release bone marrow stem cells. then the week after we go to Indiana, where they extract my stem cells. the good news; I do not have to stay in the hospital for any of this (knock on wood that nothing else happens); I will have three days of high dose chemo but I go in and come out. then there's two days of recovery. then there's a day where they reinsert half the stem cells. then there's a 10-14 day break but I can't leave Indiana during it. then I get to go back to Cary for 7-10 days. and then it repeats! so it'll be about six weeks total I think.
Post by: Bisse on March 23, 2009, 11:11:01 pm
Sounds like pretty good news to me man, even if it's high dose it's only three days. Does that mean it's an easier tumor to kill off too, if it only goes on for three days?
Post by: Seawed on March 23, 2009, 11:38:18 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 23, 2009, 11:39:51 pm
Wow so that's only three days of chemo? (times two)
Sounds like pretty good news to me man, even if it's high dose it's only three days. Does that mean it's an easier tumor to kill off too, if it only goes on for three days?
well it's a much more intense chemo, as the long break period no doubt indicates. and no it's not easier to kill off. it could be all over my body and the regime would be the same. it will kill cancer everywhere equally.
Post by: big ass skelly on March 24, 2009, 12:02:52 am
Post by: Barack Obama on March 24, 2009, 03:37:08 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 24, 2009, 09:39:19 pm
Post by: headphonics on March 25, 2009, 01:38:43 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on March 25, 2009, 04:52:14 pm
steel i also strongly suspect i like you. i'll get back to you when i have more conclusive results
i dont get this post.
is it because i didn't edit because i still dont know.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on March 25, 2009, 06:58:29 pm
Post by: esiann on March 25, 2009, 09:25:49 pm
steel i feel like you are a good guy and i just want you to know that i think I like you
Post by: GirlBones on March 25, 2009, 09:35:58 pm
the best ever death metal band out of denton
were a couple of guys, who'd been friends since grade school.
one was named cyrus, and the other was jeff.
and they practiced twice a week in jeff's bedroom.
the best ever death metal band out of denton
never settled on a name.
but the top three contenders, after weeks of debate,
were satan's fingers, and the killers, and the hospital bombers.
jeff and cyrus believed in their hearts they were headed
for stage lights and leer jets, and fortune and fame.
so in script that made prominent use of a pentagram,
they stenciled their drumheads and guitars with their names.
this was how cyrus got sent to the school
where they told him he'd never be famous.
and this was why jeff,
in the letters he'd write to his friend,
helped develop a plan to get even.
when you punish a person for dreaming his dream,
don't expect him to thank or forgive you.
the best ever death metal band out of denton
will in time both outpace and outlive you.
hail satan!
hail satan tonight!
hail satan!
hail hail!
qft
Post by: big ass skelly on March 28, 2009, 09:29:03 pm
anyway I've been playing some trauma center and I think I can help you now. Gimme a call if you want a doctor with the Healing Touch rather than that intern treating you atm heh
Post by: FrostyPink on April 01, 2009, 12:31:49 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 01, 2009, 03:41:36 pm
if anyone is in Indiana you can come by. this isn't a HEH GW MEET thing but I know I'll be bored so fucking much. I'll be there proooobably till May 1st the first go round.
Post by: big ass skelly on April 01, 2009, 03:45:24 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 05, 2009, 04:19:46 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 05, 2009, 10:08:02 pm
im kind of excited but then i remember GUASS ITS TIME TO STOP DYING.
Post by: big ass skelly on April 05, 2009, 10:11:29 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 05, 2009, 10:13:35 pm
also i really hope you get a lot better!! keep us updated we are all really worried
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 05, 2009, 10:20:42 pm
Post by: FrostyPink on April 05, 2009, 10:36:33 pm
might make me some egg fried rice right now, thanks for reminder ttyl
Post by: Farren on April 05, 2009, 11:12:26 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 05, 2009, 11:23:03 pm
also i had terrible thoughts of violence towards a child on a plane today. he just kept going TICKLE TICKLE TICKLE getting higher and higher and i had a stupid IM GOTH moment where i really wanted to smash his head into the seat. i felt really disgusting about it. maybe i deserve cancer.
Post by: JMickle on April 05, 2009, 11:30:50 pm
maybe i deserve cancer.
nobody deserves cancer. not even that annoying kid on the plane :P
Post by: Bisse on April 05, 2009, 11:45:56 pm
nobody deserves cancer. not even that annoying kid on the plane :Pborderline case.
Post by: FrostyPink on April 06, 2009, 12:07:14 am
Post by: Farren on April 06, 2009, 12:18:35 am
all freee
because thats how I roll
Post by: esiann on April 06, 2009, 12:35:36 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 06, 2009, 12:48:09 am
http://img8.imageshack.us/done.php?l=img8/2247/hotelroom001.jpg
http://img8.imageshack.us/done.php?l=img8/314/hotelroom002.jpg
there's also a small kitchen area with two stove burners, sink, fridge, and dishwasher. also pantry. good shit!
Post by: Randy Moist on April 06, 2009, 12:52:40 am
Also learn to enjoy baseball with all your free time.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 06, 2009, 12:55:13 am
Post by: esiann on April 06, 2009, 12:59:54 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 06, 2009, 01:02:31 am
Post by: Barack Obama on April 06, 2009, 04:25:59 am
tip the dude a dollar every time, tell him u got some cancer and no wheels iam sure he'll understand
Post by: rpg1hero on April 06, 2009, 05:27:07 am
Post by: big ass skelly on April 06, 2009, 08:25:02 am
i feel bad, this topic is kind of a twitter for me. on the other hand this apartment was really way nicer than i expected so i had to tell someone...lol I wasn't making fun I was encouraging it
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 06, 2009, 04:09:16 pm
it would have been nice if the high dose worked but no, the same results showed up.
in a few days when I'm up for it I'm going to ask for some help finding anyone else btw. this is bottom of the barrel time.
anyways, I need to get in my headspace for a bit. I'm so sorry guys.
Post by: Alec on April 06, 2009, 04:16:36 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on April 06, 2009, 04:31:22 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on April 06, 2009, 05:06:11 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 06, 2009, 05:07:30 pm
still we're at the bottom of the barrel now! shit.
Post by: headphonics on April 06, 2009, 05:12:19 pm
Post by: headphonics on April 06, 2009, 05:12:38 pm
Post by: Alec on April 06, 2009, 05:20:48 pm
Post by: dada on April 06, 2009, 06:33:49 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 09, 2009, 05:10:12 pm
toke up steel...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 09, 2009, 05:15:02 pm
anyways i'm kind of irritated. i dont even know what happened man. why did i go to indiana anyways? did i not qualify? if so could he not tell me before this trip? insurance won't pay for it because they didn't do anything.
i dunno i'm pretty disgruntled. i'll be meeting with my old oncologist on tuesday but man what the fuck?
Post by: ase on April 09, 2009, 05:15:25 pm
Post by: ase on April 09, 2009, 05:17:08 pm
admit it. a bitch with throat cancer sucked on yer balls a few years back. make her pay for this shit
Post by: Sludgelord on April 09, 2009, 05:20:51 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 09, 2009, 05:31:48 pm
anyways i'm kind of irritated. i dont even know what happened man. why did i go to indiana anyways? did i not qualify? if so could he not tell me before this trip? insurance won't pay for it because they didn't do anything.
i dunno i'm pretty disgruntled. i'll be meeting with my old oncologist on tuesday but man what the fuck?
pull a John Q and make them perform the operation by force
seriously though what? you just got there and they said WELP..SORRY CAN'T DO NOTHING?
Post by: bonzi_buddy on April 09, 2009, 05:48:54 pm
you don't have brain cancer but you still have to take the pills? :(
Post by: headphonics on April 09, 2009, 06:08:26 pm
i dont have brain cancer!didnt you already tell me he didnt find any of this out until after you got there
anyways i'm kind of irritated. i dont even know what happened man. why did i go to indiana anyways? did i not qualify? if so could he not tell me before this trip? insurance won't pay for it because they didn't do anything.
i dunno i'm pretty disgruntled. i'll be meeting with my old oncologist on tuesday but man what the fuck?
Post by: ThugTears666 on April 09, 2009, 06:14:18 pm
Post by: Evangel on April 09, 2009, 08:39:17 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 09, 2009, 08:46:22 pm
didnt you already tell me he didnt find any of this out until after you got there
i know but you have to admit this is just hella weird. like if he found out that FRIDAY i could have still canceled the trip. idk i am a little confused and disgruntled.
aaa neuropathy in fingers from pills just now.
i dunno this is all kind of weird. i hope my oncologist can shed some light.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 09, 2009, 09:14:11 pm
how bad is the cancer that's remaining? is it growing fast and causing problems or is it not growing and they'd like to get rid of it or is it growing slowly and might cause problems?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 09, 2009, 09:22:51 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 02:48:46 am
I emailed a guy who runs a website because I had the feeling the silence from einhorn and my oncologist, and the fact that people want to MEET with me rather than comfort me lately was ringing bad bells. here's the reply.
"I wish I could tell you that Dr Einhorn is a jerk and just didn't like you, but the fact is, if he didn't think the treatment was appropriate, then I have to believe him. It would have been nice to know why, but chances are it is because of the brain mets. Suffice to say, those are not good. The pills he gave you are not curative and will theoretically never cure you. I do know a guy who used them for close to 2 years, so they can prolong the onset of the bad stuff while you look for something else. I would keep taking them until you get a better offer.
Some of the very best doctors are quicker to turn you down for the salvage treatments because they really don't think they will work and they do think the treatments will make you miserable and may even shorten your life. I'm not sure what your opinion is, but doing something fun while you can is not a bad idea. There are stories on the TCRC where people did do that and are glad they did.
As for oncologists, you can try contacting a few, but chances are they aren't going to have anything better apart from a Phase I Clinical Trial - the problem with those is that they are for the benefit of medical science, not for your benefit. They MIGHT help you, but probably not. You can try contacting Dr Nichols in Oregon or Dr Bosl in New York or Dr Raghavan in Cleveland.
One last thing you can do is contact Dinesh. His story is on the TCRC in the extragonadal stories section. His cancer was similar to yours (though possibly not, since his HCG was elevated and your AFP is elevated), and he is still alive despite years of chemo. His chemo was very different from most TC patients, though I believe his doctor has since retired. Nevertheless, it might be worth asking about it.
His story is here: http://tcrc.acor.org/stories/dinesh.html
His email address is: removed
You might also want to join TC-NET, our email support list. Others may have advice for you there."
the main bulletpoint is the one no one's been telling me but that I've suspected for sometime: Einhorn lied about the pills. they are not curative. I mean this guy isn't a doctor but it's a confirmation of what I've been thinking for some time.
I think I'm looking at terminal cancer here.
I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not giving up, I can't give up, but at the same time this is a blow. I had hoped the pills were secretly curative, but I knew deep inside it wouldn't GO DOWN like it did if they were. The silence only confirms it; these are pills for remission.
I think I'm going to die. I can't tell my mom this, but she's going to find out soon enough.
If there's anything you can find, help. If you can find clinical trials that are showing promise, help. If you have doctor friends, help. Dinesh's story is encouraging, but as the guy said, it's also different and he had no brain tumors. today my throat swole up a little. I can't help but feel its a tumor.
I can't believe this is happening. a 90% curable cancer, and I think I've lost those odds.
anyways I'm gonna email around a bit, feel a little lost. etc.
Post by: dark_crystalis on April 26, 2009, 03:07:25 am
I'm really fucking sorry to hear that but I'm sure shit will get better. There's surely something someone can do
Post by: Shepperd on April 26, 2009, 03:08:43 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 26, 2009, 03:11:52 am
you know what probably happened, your old doctors probably goofed something in getting you the consult, it wasn't a cancer that required irradiation, it was a cancer that required pills to make sure it would never grow, and in 10% of cases the cancer goes away. in 80% of cases the patient lives fine, just has to take a pill for the rest of his life. in 9% of cases the patient dies relatively soon (2 years) after and in rare instances the patient dies instantly (not you obviously). i made up these numbers but they seem likely.
you're still gonna be messed up for a while because chemo undoubtedly messed around with your body chemistry a lot so it's going to take a while for your to return to a base where your limbs don't inflate randomly. you're getting better really clearly i can see it in your posts.
sorry to kill your hopes of dying but you've got the same thing randy from home improvement had.
Post by: headphonics on April 26, 2009, 03:16:43 am
also i dunno man. i dont want to think youre dying. i wont believe it until you do. itll be fine youll see!!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 03:27:00 am
you will notice almost all of them are dead, especially the ones that have a brain met like I do! this Taxxol thing kind of gives me a bit of hope but damn no one seems to be cured from just it.
fuck this sucks.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 03:29:44 am
Quote
top cancer doctor wouldn't have had a problem saying it was terminal
quote from the Tag story on this site (tag's a bit closer to what I've got unfortunately)
Quote
Dr. Einhorn recommended the oral etopside to prolong life... We didn’t want to prolong life. We wanted a cure!
I think he tells people he knows can't deal with it otherwise (my mom was there).
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 03:31:41 am
I've already had a year so i mean GOOD FOR THAT but jesus christ it's like remission is a matter of fucking days for this shit. and my throat's swelling and now I'm wondering if my lightheadedness is really steroid or if it's further brain met (I have some lesions we thought might be radiation but who knows).
like if I last five years there's a good chance a new drug would show up in that time, but these things killed these guys in like a goddam year.
Post by: headphonics on April 26, 2009, 03:35:17 am
Post by: YourHero on April 26, 2009, 03:49:13 am
there has to be something else you can at least TRY...
my best friend's mom died of cancer. at the time she mentioned this one dr who had some sort of treatment. you had to meet very specific requirements to get it and it was really expensive. her mom never ended up being able to get it. i'm not sure if it was because she was too old (like 40ish) or if the cancer had just spread too far. i'll ask my friend if she still has any info about that doctor.
Post by: ase on April 26, 2009, 07:31:07 am
I wish I could find a way to help you or find you a doctor who could help, but I really don't know the first thing about Testicular Cancer. The closest I can get is some WORDS from my vertebrate cell biology class about potential methods/drugs to prevent the spread of tumors:
boring stuff (Click to reveal)
Angiogenesis and cancer:
potential targets for therapeutic intervention
Inhibit angiogenesis directly:
angiostatin, endostatin, squalamine, combrestatinA4,
thalidomide
Block angiogenic signaling cascade:
α interferon, anti VEGF Ab, SU5416, VEGFR-3
Block ECM breakdown:
marimistat, neovastat, Col-3, thrombospondin,
thalidomide
~30 inhibitors of angiogenesis identified so far
Could Delta-like 4 (DLL4), be used as an angiogenic off switch for tumors?
http://pub.gamingw.net/32484/DLL4.GIF
potential targets for therapeutic intervention
Inhibit angiogenesis directly:
angiostatin, endostatin, squalamine, combrestatinA4,
thalidomide
Block angiogenic signaling cascade:
α interferon, anti VEGF Ab, SU5416, VEGFR-3
Block ECM breakdown:
marimistat, neovastat, Col-3, thrombospondin,
thalidomide
~30 inhibitors of angiogenesis identified so far
Could Delta-like 4 (DLL4), be used as an angiogenic off switch for tumors?
http://pub.gamingw.net/32484/DLL4.GIF
None of this is specific to testicular cancer. It's just based off of the concept that tumors need a blood supply to grow, proliferate, and spread throughout the body. They usually take advantage of some mutation to make new blood vessels grow right next to them. Basically, if we can find an effective drug to limit/inhibit angiogenesis (formation of blood vessels), we might be able to stop tumor growth. There's been many inhibitors identified, but I have no idea what their research status is.
I can't help you in terms of finding a new doctor. I can only wish you good luck :(
Post by: Death Gulp on April 26, 2009, 10:49:14 am
Post by: big ass skelly on April 26, 2009, 01:13:25 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 02:52:06 pm
first off I'm going to obviously stay on these pills as long as they keep working. I don't know IF they're working, which is of course a little distressing, but I can't help but feel even without a cure rate, they're expected to at least remiss the damn thing. that one anecdote about two years is a pretty long time for just pills.
the second thing is I think I'm going to look for a doctor who will be willing to do the high dose chemo regime anyways. Einhorn may disagree but I'm looking around and the people that seem to survive this, CURE this, DINESH, it's the high dose chemo. I'm supposedly not responsive to it for some reason, but I need to be, man. like LOOK at this shit Dinesh did:
Carboplatin
Etoposide (VP-16)
Cyclophosphamide
Paclitaxel
Mesna
I've done one of those only. that's high dose chemo drugs, why won't ANY of those work for me?
Basically I know there's a risk high dose chemo might kill me earlier but I'm weighing that risk against not dying at all. Dinesh has been around for over ten years, he's cured. the difference seems to be the brain met, but man they're all dead. how can that matter so much ffff.
it's gotta be something in the pathology report but even then I can't ACCEPT that man. there's gotta be something I can do.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 03:44:24 pm
why! and if it isn't what am I doing next?
I hate not knowing this stuff.
here are the dokmartini things i'm looking at:
http://cancerguide.org/psk.html
http://cancerguide.org/btc.html
and shark cartilage which is like the bovine one.
BOTTOM OF THE FUCKIN BARREL.
Post by: big ass skelly on April 26, 2009, 04:02:59 pm
Also munch on a spirulina
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 04:06:54 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on April 26, 2009, 04:12:23 pm
Post by: ase on April 26, 2009, 04:21:29 pm
Quote
PSK is not only capable of stimulating the immune system but also modulating tumor cell function and the tissue environment to facilitate the local destruction of tumour cells by activated immune effector cells. For example, PSK was reported to suppress tumor-induced angiogenesis
this is what i was talking about in my previous post, which is pretty cool.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 04:27:35 pm
OH YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING: http://www.jhsnp.com/store/coriolusmushrooms.html
We are out of stock of Coriolus mushrooms
until further notice.
AHHH FUCK.
someone find some place selling these that's legit!
http://www.jhsnp.com/store/coriolus_super_strength.html NEVER MIND
Post by: ase on April 26, 2009, 04:32:58 pm
http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=82820 - media report
http://content.nejm.org/cgi/content/abstract/357/4/340 - published article
you originally got cisplatin, right?
i feel stupid saying this but... since einhorn is a BIG GUY in the cancer world, maybe there's a chance he's using you as a control patient in some study without telling you. it sounds ridiculous, but from that NEJM article, it sounds like high-dose chemo has very high chances of curing your cancer.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 04:38:02 pm
it would also be GREAT if he was though because it would mean some other dude would be like NAH I'LL TAKE YOU INSTEAD but no I don't think he can do that can he?
Post by: ase on April 26, 2009, 04:41:41 pm
but yeah. i would try and find someone with good credentials willing to give you t he high-dose chemo regime + bone marrow stem cell treatment
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 04:53:09 pm
but i can't help but be like 3 out of 90 something, this is better than my ZERO right now! also
im me!
drug overdose aint gonna kill peo...
like that's such a dumb way to think but THINK HARD: if there is one GW member you could say I WILL GIVE CANCER TO BECAUSE IF THERE IS A STUBBORN SON OF A BITCH WHO WILL LIVE THROUGH IT IT IS THIS PERSON it is me. that's like my best and worst trait right there, NEVER SAY DIE ("your stupid an a babby killer and now uve lost ur argument lmao").
I dunno this high dose seems like such a great option and I don't like that I'm not doing it. I was kind of placid about it before when I thought these pills were a good thing but fuck it I don't want to prolong life, I want to live.
Post by: Sapsuker on April 26, 2009, 05:00:37 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 26, 2009, 05:39:51 pm
also yeah I'm gonna get those shroom pills, fuck it. can't HURT at this point.
goddammit I hope some oncologist gives me high dose.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 26, 2009, 06:43:12 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on April 26, 2009, 06:44:45 pm
Post by: Doktormartini on April 26, 2009, 08:22:52 pm
http://www.mskcc.org/prg/prg/bios/62.cfm this guy made the high dose chemo regime. however everything i'm reading keeps saying SOMETIMES NOT VIABLE.Don't do shark cartilage that is worthless, even coming from me. At least with spirulina there are studies showing it inhibited cancer growth (in animals) and prevented oral carcinogensis (in humans), but with shark cartilage I don't think there are any studies showing anything like that.
why! and if it isn't what am I doing next?
I hate not knowing this stuff.
here are the dokmartini things i'm looking at:
http://cancerguide.org/psk.html
http://cancerguide.org/btc.html
and shark cartilage which is like the bovine one.
BOTTOM OF THE FUCKIN BARREL.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/NWS/content/NWS_3_1x_Shark_Cartilage_Supplements_Have_No_Effect.asp
Also, I'm really sorry to hear this, I wish you all the best.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 26, 2009, 08:29:49 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on April 26, 2009, 08:54:57 pm
Post by: AznChipmunk on April 26, 2009, 09:17:07 pm
Post by: Saleop on April 26, 2009, 11:45:52 pm
Post by: Bisse on April 27, 2009, 01:28:44 am
Fight the power!!
Also fuck just checked the date of the fist post. I can't believe you've been going through this thing for a year. You're a stubborn mother fucker.
Post by: Ryan on April 27, 2009, 01:53:43 am
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on April 27, 2009, 01:57:30 am
steel you are not going to die.
Post by: Mama Luigi on April 27, 2009, 02:02:46 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 03:06:58 pm
well now.
I didn't plan on mentioning this in general, but I GUESS I HAVE TO as it would be bullshit of me not too.
so whenever i have broken down and prayed about this, it's always been, shall we say, backhanded. namely I DONT LIKE OYU OR BELIEVE IN YOU BUT HERES THE DEAL YOU SAVE ME WE'LL TALK.
but yesterday my mom was praying and I just felt like fuck it, before when I prayed everyday my biggest concern was getting laid now I have HUGE NUT CANCER lets give this a shot.
so I genuinely prayed and I felt all the despair, REAL DESPAIR, go away. I don't know what did it. like placebo effect, but does that work when you KNOW its a placebo? like atheists shouldn't feel anything.
but it was gone. all the despair. all of it LEFT.
now I wouldn't bring up any of this if it was just this, leave it in AM blah blah except I just checked my email and got this:
I will do my level best for you. We need to meet and discuss this face to face. I don't think that you are terminal by any means and I believe salvage options are available but not necessarily the high dose therapy alone.
Send me your address. I will try to be there tomorrow at 6.00 PM
this is from an oncologist friend. and then!
I talked with Dr Bosl today. We don't understand your complete history, but he doesn't really know why Dr Einhorn didn't try to do any salvage therapy. You should definitely give him a call.
Doug
that's from that guy before!
OKAY YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT IS PRETTY SPOOKY THAT THE DAY AFTER I PRAY THIS SHIT HAPPENED.
so my head's kind of a spin. I'm going to talk to the guy tomorrow at six obviously, and Dr. Bosl but man.
what on earth.
THERE is other stuff. I spent I'm serious 24 hours all the time looking for stuff, finding nothing, despair just killing me, and then this.
so basically the atheist is now some kind of believer in something because this should not have happened and it did and who cares.
but holy shit. I mean I cried a little with joy getting two emails. and they're discussing two DIFFERENT options anyways. sure Bosl might say OH ITS CAUSE YOU FUCKED SORRY and the other guy might be running out the options but who gives a fuck dude I have a path now that isn't sitting at home waiting round to die.
Post by: Bonehead on April 27, 2009, 03:15:16 pm
*cough* I guess it's time check out that whole Jehovah's stuff now, eh?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 03:15:44 pm
but then it wont answer questions or talk back really so maybe it really is just a brain thing ~atheists unite but how does that work if you don't believe in the brain thing?
I'm all weirded out.
Post by: Alec on April 27, 2009, 03:16:17 pm
Post by: Alec on April 27, 2009, 03:17:17 pm
Post by: Bonehead on April 27, 2009, 03:23:12 pm
Hardcore atheist speaking here though so heh.
Post by: Cheshire Cat on April 27, 2009, 03:27:09 pm
Not a good thing to be.
Good luck!
Post by: Alec on April 27, 2009, 03:30:19 pm
~cheshire bonehead
Post by: Bonehead on April 27, 2009, 03:41:09 pm
Post by: Alec on April 27, 2009, 03:50:56 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 04:01:05 pm
was it just the level of despair i was at that even doing something for no reason other than MAYBE it worked?
like from a spiritual standpoint it's shaken me enough to reexamine praying obviously, but from a scientific standpoint it's bizarre. how can prayer you don't believe in WORK?
then we have the overarching questions. my mom's prayed every day and things didn't really get GREAT anytime. other people have done religious ceremonies for me. none of this affected anything in me moodwise, but the second i do it i feel great, despite every urge in my body and mind KNOWING, not thinking, there is no god.
but something did it anyways! I really don't know what this means.
I mean I mention the emails because lets face it I would mention it the other way around for sure as an anecdote ("I prayed and then I got a call all my family is dead fuck god") but we can also write those off as a great happy coincidence if we want, but the actual ALLEVIATION of despair.
like just now I noticed he said "you're not terminal" but he also didn't say WE'RE AIMING FOR CURE. I got sad...and then it left.
if I had noticed this yesterday I would have been distraught, but even thinking about it now, that it wasn't a typo he's aiming for remission I'm surprisingly okay with it. like I'm still thinking of cure. this didn't happen yesterday.
somehow the act of FALSE PRAYER worked and I find this bizarre and in the face of that cannot actively deny the existence of SOMETHING out there.
this is really not something I thought I'd think about ever during this.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 04:03:50 pm
but I don't know enough about neurochemistry to confirm this. I'm still going to do it as long as it works but I'm fascinated by how this happened.
let's also point out that no such thing as a miracle has happened! my tumor is probably still there etc. the emails as I said are just a really freaky coincidence most likely.
Post by: big ass skelly on April 27, 2009, 04:09:07 pm
Also if religion shit is making you feel better and more optimistic then roll with it. unironic praying owns??
Post by: Silhouette on April 27, 2009, 04:13:34 pm
I don't know if this helps at all, but given the recent turn of events in the thread, I figure it may lend a little bit more peace to you:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/heavenly-father-s-plan-of-happiness/life-after-death
Read it if you wish. Good luck again. :)
Post by: Evangel on April 27, 2009, 04:15:46 pm
i'm not religious at all though! like the rest you can write up to surprisingly wonderful coincidence but what got rid of the FEELINGS? like if i ask an atheist to pray, it shouldn't do anything. it's never done it before!
I wouldn't look too scientifically into it. I'd say psychologically, you probably felt a release of burdens just by the idea of some guiding force knowing your troubles. Whether you truly believe that or not is your own choice. If there ever was a sign from above, holy shit, you just got it. Any minister or believer of any faith would tell you, that sounds like a complete wake-up call.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 04:26:30 pm
I'm wishing for the best for you, too, Steel.
I don't know if this helps at all, but given the recent turn of events in the thread, I figure it may lend a little bit more peace to you:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/heavenly-father-s-plan-of-happiness/life-after-death
Read it if you wish. Good luck again. :)
happy mormon future.
I actually did attempt to question what happened and got no answers. like DO I MAKE A BARGAIN. UH IS ANYTHING LISTENING. LISTEN I'M GRATEFUL BUT WHAT DO I DO FROM HERE, ARE YOU JESUS/KRISHNA and nothing. which leads me to believe that even if there is a spiritual force that helped me (and the reason I'm posting about this AT ALL is something clearly did and if it came from inside outside whatever I have to think about what that means) it's not any kind of conventional god.
after this I'm hesitant to just be a dick and say NO NO RELIGION IS RIGHT STILL because who knows I could wake up tomorrow and see the Virgin Mary's genitals flapping above me but none of this has changed my irreligious behavior at all. but it has shaken my attitude of zero spirituality because something happened to me at least neurologically and I have tot hink about it!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 04:31:19 pm
idk this topic has gone a lot of weird places so I'm okay with a bit of spiritual talk but if anyone wants to do some net research, is there any real scientific proof of ATHEISTS praying and feeling spiritually better? there shouldn't be this being the exact opposite of atheism but how can giving up a little bit, just a little UGH FUCK IT FINE I'LL TRY BARELY, create an effect as alleiviating as this?
Post by: Silhouette on April 27, 2009, 04:48:15 pm
But that's just an opinion. Besides, I wasn't there, you were the one that felt it. Thus, you get to decide.
Post by: Farren on April 27, 2009, 04:51:35 pm
when you prayed did you actually feel a presence or was it like, "hey I feel better whoop". I think its just more or less because you stopped dwelling on dying but yeah I'm glad you got some good news.
seeing as how praying was supposedly your last option I don't see how your brain could let it fail you.
Post by: Bonehead on April 27, 2009, 04:57:28 pm
Nah but seriously, I don't know much about prayers except the "Hai god, here's what I think. Amen.". Was it a prayer like that or did you go a little deeper like, idk some kind of light meditation where you scanned yourself from a third person and stuff? Hah, I'm probably not helping at all since I can only imagine this being some psychological thing like Evangel said.
Also, here's what Einstein though about prayers and I've heard that he was a pretty smart chap :P
http://sacred-texts.com/aor/einstein/einprayr.htm
Post by: Marge on April 27, 2009, 05:40:50 pm
I'd say psychologically, you probably felt a release of burdens just by the idea of some guiding force knowing your troubles.
This would make sense in the light of how people talk about their troubles for hours to deaf bartenders. It might just help to really let it all out, like imagine telling a perfect friend everything that weighs down on you, every single thing. It could work even if you don't actually believe anybody's listening. Like writing a diary, or talking out loud. Your experience sounds pretty intense to be compared to a drunk monologue, but that's best I can come up with.
E: Np Depeche Mode - Personal Jesus
Post by: Evangel on April 27, 2009, 05:49:42 pm
Post by: Summoner on April 27, 2009, 08:04:45 pm
Do some research, I did and found somethings that I found intresting enough.
Check it out, http://moderndeism.com/index.html
Post by: Kezay on April 27, 2009, 08:17:33 pm
Post by: mkkmypet on April 27, 2009, 08:54:17 pm
i think that, for me at least, the most convincing evidence for god's existence is the stories of people recovering from awful situations and feeling themselves that it was god who restored them. this past weekend, i also experienced a "lifting" feeling from god, you know. on thursday at 4 in the morning, my parents were called by the hospital saying that my sister had a drug overdose and that she was in very bad condition. she had taken heroin, cocaine, marijuana, adderall, and xanax. she was having heart arrhythmias and not breathing. luckily, her friend (whom she had been with at the time she passed out from her overdose) was able to give her CPR and get her to the ER quickly. but by the time my parents got to the emergency room to see her, she was already declared medically dead. the doctors and nurses expressed their sympathy and went around muttering about what a shame it was, etc... and then when my sister's friend was standing next to her, petting her hand and talking to her, my sister suddenly opened her eyes wide and "woke up" from being dead. the doctor called it a miracle and he had no idea how it was possible that she was alive. she had been "dead" for 40 minutes. my sister has made a full recovery in the past few days, and may be coming home from the hospital as soon as tomorrow. i had thought my sister was dead, and i was completely depressed. i prayed to god, wondering why this would happen. and then suddenly i felt god lifting me up and i knew everything was alright. it was a weird feeling. that was before i even knew that my sister was alive. so this past week has been an experience for me that i won't forget. and my sister won't either, i'm sure. she felt like it was god who brought her back, even though she hasn't really been a christian or a believer or whatever, not since she was little.
i definitely think that god reaches people through stuff like this. i think you should definitely pray more, and i'll keep praying for you too. :] if you did end up discovering new things about god, hope, prayer, etc. through this, then that would be cool. for now, just be happy that you have new encouragement for your future. stay strong steel :D
Post by: ase on April 27, 2009, 09:01:48 pm
but woah. i'm glad to hear she is alive and getting better!
rockman protip: you should probably read the post or you're banned
Post by: ase on April 27, 2009, 09:09:16 pm
Post by: headphonics on April 27, 2009, 09:34:58 pm
Post by: Randy Moist on April 27, 2009, 09:59:17 pm
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/05/27/health/27plac.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=placebo&st=cse
Quote
At least one study has shown that placebos can be effective even when the patients know that they are inert. In a study in 2007, 70 children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder were asked to reduce their medications gradually by replacing some of their drugs with placebo pills. The children and their parents were explicitly told that these “dose extender” pills contained no drug.
After three months, 80 percent of the children reported that the placebo had helped them. Although that study used a placebo in a different context from Obecalp, it did suggest that deception might not be necessary for a placebo to work, said the senior author, Gail Geller, a bioethicist at the Berman Institute of Bioethics at Johns Hopkins.
There was no citation though
Also from the wiki article http://www.leecrandallparkmd.net/researchpages/placebo1.html but the study seems kind of iffy.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 27, 2009, 10:31:20 pm
anyways i had some melancholy today when i realized the one guy is really looking more at clinical trials, which is more bottom of the barrel than i liked, but nothing like before when i literally could not move a few times from just despair. i think this dr. bosl is my next best step though; at least i can know why i was rejected from the bone marrow treatment i think and maybe he'll disagree and think it's worth a shot anyways.
i just can't shake CURE from my mind. remission is just not a goal i want to have, you know?
Post by: rapstar on April 28, 2009, 12:29:19 am
good luck.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 28, 2009, 12:49:20 am
Post by: Boulvae on April 28, 2009, 12:52:48 am
Post by: rapstar on April 28, 2009, 12:54:44 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 28, 2009, 12:56:05 am
Post by: rapstar on April 28, 2009, 01:03:19 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 28, 2009, 01:29:47 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on April 28, 2009, 01:34:43 am
Post by: Mongoloid on April 28, 2009, 05:10:20 am
I haven't kept up with this topic but this page is filled with god silliness, and you have to realized spontaneous remission DOES exist, and there is proof of it, while god on the other hand...
I know you have cancer and it's got to be hard to not have answers to stuff like this, but it strikes me as ungrateful to throw away what sensibility you had before the cancer as if it were some sacrifice to whatever is fighting it. IIRC you were/are an atheist right? If there were a god that is fighting cancer for you, it would be because you can be converted, not because you were already faithful; it would be moronic to send an anonymous gift and expect a letter of thanks.
Really my opinion is if you want to maximize the damage cancer has done to your life, making an abrupt change like finding religion will definitely do the trick.
Post by: Mongoloid on April 28, 2009, 05:14:01 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 28, 2009, 05:15:43 am
Post by: Evangel on April 28, 2009, 05:44:49 am
Really my opinion is if you want to maximize the damage cancer has done to your life, making an abrupt change like finding religion will definitely do the trick.
This is a pretty shitty comment. Religion is a cookie-cutter organized form of faith that has little to do with this topic. People say believers are closed-minded, yet I've met a few atheists who are the most closed-minded people I know. Faith doesn't mean you blow all science and logic out of your head. I think it is a powerful thing that someone in a situation like this would might have new and profound thoughts on the nature of existence.
I am not a total believer of any said faith, but it is something I think about often. I am completely undecided. If I were in Steel's shoes, however, I would be rethinking a lot in my life.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 02:57:46 pm
an atheist with no belief in prayer, out of
1. exasperation
2. mild curiousity
3. admittedly; the idea that when he did pray, his life was not nearly as chaotic as it was now
prayed a Hindu prayer, followed it with a "please help me", and felt his despair leave.
this is a fact, and it should not have happened. the second fact; every time I do it, I feel something, best described as peace, NOT serenity. I've never thought "aaaa i am ready for death" but rather "for the first time, I am not alone in this fight"
here are the other facts:
1. whatever it is does not define itself by any faith
2. it has demanded nothing
3. I have had a brain tumor
4. I have despaired. real despair. this makes suicide look painless. to help qualify; suicide is the knowledge that only death is an option. despair is knowing death is becoming the only option, regardless of what you do.
so can a neurological reaction of peace come from prayer you have no faith in when despair enters your heart that strongly? by all the thought in my head, it shouldn't. and yet...it HAS.
why?
the religious among you are throwing up your hands and saying IT'S GOD STUPID but this only raises more questions. does God only let people suffer as I have before taking it away? why did the prayers of no one else work, at granting serenity or if you believe in miracles, cure? doesn't that lend more creedence to the individual neurological reaction hypothesis (after all if it requires ME to pray it's in my head)?
and then the skeptical among you, you know if this was the opposite we'd be rolling our eyes. like we all know people who prayed and felt nothing; if you are an atheist I'm sure you've tried. but when it happens, being dismissive is just as insulting. we're SKEPTICAL, not religious, and as skeptics that means when something like this happens (a genuine spiritual reaction from me, someone so devotedly anti-spiritual you can probably find a dozen posts about FUCK GOD in the past year), we should think about why rather than say RELIGION WILL HURT YOU.
from a purely scientific perspective this is fascinating. the emotional value of prayer to someone who expects none.
it's also probably boring as shit to some of you, but I wish I could tell you the WEIGHT that's lifted. you have no idea. I mean I cried with joy at not FEELING like that.
something happened and even it's a stress reaction it's one I'm grateful for.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 03:00:41 pm
there's no relationship with this feeling. I have not made a real relationship with god. it's just a feeling though that I shouldn't have and I feel like if I acknowledge it and know it's there, it'll help me.
Post by: esiann on April 28, 2009, 03:01:54 pm
Post by: halibabica on April 28, 2009, 05:52:42 pm
"God" (don't know if that's really who/what it is, but that's what I'm calling it) doesn't seem to interfere with our mortal lives much. I'm sure there are people ready to rip my head off for this one, but from what I've seen, "God" isn't taking any noticeable measures to improve our world. I get the feeling that "God" is more like a silent observer that lets life play out before its eyes. It can help, but chooses not to, except in the subtlest ways (ie what recently happened to you).
This is totally unqualified bullshit depending on how credible you think I am, as I have nothing to base this on but my own experiences. There have been times in the past when I've prayed for strength to overcome something and found myself better able to do so (or feeling better about it) when the time finally came. God? Maaaaaaybe. Psychology? If you can find the proof you're looking for.
Whatever it was, I'm glad to hear you at least feel better about your situation. Good luck, Steel.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 07:55:16 pm
he's going to talk to dr. bosl hopefully. also my first cycle of etoposide ended yesterday so I'm on a week break.
Post by: Barack Obama on April 28, 2009, 08:13:13 pm
Post by: Silhouette on April 28, 2009, 08:22:58 pm
the religious among you are throwing up your hands and saying IT'S GOD STUPID but this only raises more questions. does God only let people suffer as I have before taking it away? why did the prayers of no one else work, at granting serenity or if you believe in miracles, cure? doesn't that lend more creedence to the individual neurological reaction hypothesis (after all if it requires ME to pray it's in my head)?
and then the skeptical among you, you know if this was the opposite we'd be rolling our eyes. like we all know people who prayed and felt nothing; if you are an atheist I'm sure you've tried. but when it happens, being dismissive is just as insulting. we're SKEPTICAL, not religious, and as skeptics that means when something like this happens (a genuine spiritual reaction from me, someone so devotedly anti-spiritual you can probably find a dozen posts about FUCK GOD in the past year), we should think about why rather than say RELIGION WILL HURT YOU.
Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I'm even RELIGIOUS. So automatically people might discount whatever I say. But I know that God has a vested interest in everyone's happiness, because that is the purpose and end of our creation--to be happy.
He's not going to let you suffer alone when you're asking him for help with real intent of heart. He's going to do the thing that's best for you, for your growth in the eternal perspective. Whether it's to call you home, or to prolong your life so that you can fulfill your purpose here on the earth, he's going to make sure it happens.The trick is in realizing what it is that God wants, what's best for you, and to try to align your desires with his. And that's true happiness. The prayers of others are always good, but it's *your* prayers that he wants to hear. Just like any mortal father would want to hear of his son, not just indirectly from others, but straight from the source.
Again, this is what I know to be true. You may take it as you like it, or further ask any questions if you desire. And I still wish the best of luck for you, and pray in your behalf. :)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:27:45 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:29:22 pm
Post by: esiann on April 28, 2009, 08:33:01 pm
but i.. am not God
oh heavens i didn't watch that video the last time it was linked. that's chunky peanut butter and bananas.
Post by: Silhouette on April 28, 2009, 08:40:02 pm
You wanted thoughts on spirituality and God. I am not trying to force Christianity or Mormonism on you, I am simply trying to respond to your questions in a way I thought might be meaningful and thought-provoking.
Please do not insult my religion or beliefs, and I will respect yours. Thank you.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:43:54 pm
Quote
I have no interest in religion.
fuck off magic underwear.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:45:33 pm
Post by: Silhouette on April 28, 2009, 08:45:42 pm
I still wish you the best with your situation, but I will refrain from posting in this thread for a while, since it is clearly unwanted by yourself.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:47:22 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:48:45 pm
Post by: ase on April 28, 2009, 08:56:54 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 08:57:53 pm
i mean less in his case but it's like people genuinely want cancer to also make me a different person. aaaaa its a life experience for him.
seriously i'm never going to understand the mentality of when someone asks for something to jump on them and inundate them with beliefs you know in better times they wouldn't accept. i find it kind of disgusting actually. I mean I do it with shit sometimes IE RON PAUL but that's because Ron Paul is hilarious, I prefer to think it'd be more along the lines of when Hobbes or someone asked if he should read the Bible and I said EEEEEHHHH rather than NO ITS GARBAGE TRASH READ THE GOD DELUSION HEH.
someone had a spiritual experience time to turn them to my church just seems so weird instead of saying let's talk about this together as you know this is the internet and lol if you're going to turn to jesus from a fucking post. i just can't get down with that!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 09:08:32 pm
Post by: the bloddy ghost on April 28, 2009, 09:10:57 pm
shoving religion or your own personal faith is always a shitty thing to do.
Post by: pburn on April 28, 2009, 09:26:34 pm
edit: holy shit i am 3 pages behind nvm
also guys, I don't see why the hell yall gotta have some big religious debate or whatever in here. Who gives a shit man, it worked for him so it works for him. Big woop.
Post by: Shepperd on April 28, 2009, 09:35:28 pm
lately I've been actually considering calling myself agnostic instead of atheist.
Not because I used to reject god's existence and now I am in doubt.
But because I just realized my position is "not giving a damn about religion" and that's not being in denial, it is just simply... purely... not... giving a damn.
Post by: ThugTears666 on April 28, 2009, 10:11:03 pm
hmm someone whos vulnerable i guess they're also an idiot and won't recognize religious proselytizing! nows my chance ~you, that's what you did, i'm not stupid just possibly dying.
yeah how can people do this, what the fuck
so your dying huh?
well our church does need numbers so.....maybe you can join us?
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 28, 2009, 10:15:47 pm
conversely you think people that don't believe it just don't understand it
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 28, 2009, 10:32:42 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 28, 2009, 10:35:09 pm
on the plus side there's a few other salvage chemos etc that should extend shit a while. he didn't want to say how long though, but he did say actual physicial deterioration would take some time. he also suggested ANTI-DEPRESSANTS idk about that.
still I should plan on living my life as it is not like it's too short but similarly who knows.
so thats that. we're going to see what Bosl says as well, he might know something Einhorn doesn't, but it looks like high dose chemos just showed failure rates for this kind of mediastinal tumor.
who knows what the future holds. I ask this weird thing inside me and it seems to still think we're aiming at cure and I trust it so you know, I am aiming at cure. I'm not a victim. I'm just a guy who unlike other guys, knows he might have a deadline. and if that deadline passes and I live, I get to really experience each day as a blessing, not in a cliche way but every day. that would be pretty spectac.
otherwise I've come to realize I've got things to do, a life to live. granted, it's not the kind I wanted at this point. my grandparents, that hurts. thinking about my mom afterwards if things go south, that REALLY hurts. law school...I don't know anymore. I mean it would keep my mind occupied, it would justify my thought process of cure not remission, but at the same time, it's not so much spending the time I have left as does it behoove me to get a law degree? or could I just focus my attentions on writing a novel or something I know won't be LAW SCHOOL (which is probably stressful?)
stuff I have to think through, and basically thinking out loud. so no, no silver bullet showed up today. I didn't expect one though, and neither should you.
there is always hope. every cancer has been called terminal before and there's always one survivor against the odds, and if anyone can do it I can't shake the intractable feeling I can. I might not. let's be realistic, I probably won't. but I'll keep trying! and if I'm dead in FIVE YEARS or something most of you will be gone from gaming world anyways lmao.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on April 28, 2009, 10:39:24 pm
also, the book thing sounds really nice. i don't know about law school - i know it's like your PLAN 4 LIFE is it really something you want to go for? it's going to be hugely stressful, and if you go for it's basically WELP all you're gonna do for the next couple of years, and you might not even be able finish it. you could do the bucket list thing instead i guess?
you should write a fantasy novel 'the steel paladine' and he fights cancer orcs.
Post by: FrostyPink on April 28, 2009, 10:53:27 pm
Post by: esiann on April 28, 2009, 11:12:16 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on April 28, 2009, 11:48:47 pm
Not but really idk if you're going to a gym or working out or anything, but it's pretty much universally demonstrated that exercise has positive results in.. well.. almost everything, really.
Post by: Parker on April 29, 2009, 12:56:57 am
counterpoint: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5dscqcNOGMahaha, did you just link to the GODMAKERS? haha
Awesome.
I'm glad you're finding a bit of peace, though, Steel. I remember when I had a dog for like, 8 years, and it was pretty much my best friend. And then we had to put it down, cause it was hurting really bad. It was the saddest thing ever, giving the dog everything it has ever wanted (WANT SOME... COOKIES? HOW ABOUT CAKE, TOO!) and then sending it off to die. Don't think I've ever felt a pain like that before. I was a mess. But my Mom, afterwards, took us all together and she said a prayer, basically asking for comfort. And BAM. Peace. It hurt still, but there was almost a blanket of "It's going to be alright" all around me. I think that's the most religious experience I've ever had. Beyond the part where I wrote down the words "There Is A God".
So, yeah, I'm glad you're finding a bit of comfort man. Who cares where/who it's coming from. I think it's important.
Post by: dark_crystalis on April 29, 2009, 01:38:56 am
And jeez Silhouette.... you're a tard if you believe that. If "god" really wanted the happiness of everyone that would pray in his name and such, the world would be and have been a much better place. Now please leave, thankies!
Post by: mkkmypet on April 29, 2009, 02:07:23 am
anyways hey i think i'll post a topic about my sister for anyone who's interested because it is kinda an interesting story and there's some new updates on her too so L A T E R S
Post by: Ryan on April 29, 2009, 02:07:59 am
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on April 29, 2009, 02:10:56 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 02:12:27 am
hah i'm not trying to convince steel to accept god or something. i just posted that i was glad he was feeling better and that i at least think it was god, especially after all the miracles i've been seeing in my own life lately. silhouette, leave him alone because um happy mormon future. no but really, we don't need to try and convert him or whatever. if god wants to talk to steel, he seems to be doing just fine on his own rather than through you or me or anyone else. you might wanna just let steel think about this whole prayer thing by himself.
anyways hey i think i'll post a topic about my sister for anyone who's interested because it is kinda an interesting story and there's some new updates on her too so L A T E R S
i didn't mind your story at all. it was getting links to mormon.org that really aggravated me.
Post by: testaccount on April 29, 2009, 02:57:51 am
saying that the indifferent powers of gravity and chaos just don't give a fuck either way is a little more reassuring in this case. i don't trust an entity, spiritual or not, whose ultimate opinion is the advocacy of a happy terminal illness for a bright 23-year old. i'll take my chances with the fucking wolves. at least with the universe being a mindless set of rules you know they aren't DELIBERATELY turning your ass into a fucking sock puppet.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 03:01:29 am
I don't get it! it's not a religious feeling like people describe.
maybe manichaeism is right and the devil gabe me horror...
Post by: Marmot on April 29, 2009, 03:04:06 am
Post by: esiann on April 29, 2009, 03:10:12 am
that was an anecdote
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 03:15:16 am
i dont know how to feel about it.
PROBABLY HORRIBLE but i wouldn't care i think. would you? huh.
Post by: testaccount on April 29, 2009, 03:21:37 am
thats the thing. it doesn't grant serenity. it's saying YOU WILL BE OKAY. like it's just like YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE constantly.oh so rather than the smiley face they're just telling you OH DONT WORRY WE WONT THROW YOU INTO THE OVEN as you are standing five feet from the fucking oven and the other nazis are laughing and they're wearing those fucking abyss black gloves and you can see the smile on that nazi in front of you and it looks genuine but you can already see the flames from your corpse echoing through those piercing blue eyes
i almost didn't post this as you don't need negativity but i think i am justified in being somewhat skeptical of the way the lord almighty is dicking around with you
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 03:27:58 am
i mean i'm not an idiot, that's kind of the thing. nothing you said is new to me. and yet it does not change what happened/IS HAPPENING.
like all you're doing is restating the things i knew before and it doesn't change the fact that this happened REGARDLESS and i should know better but!!!
also who are you.
Post by: headphonics on April 29, 2009, 03:29:07 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 03:29:54 am
yet when i prayed as an atheist something happened inside me that should not have happened
i'm far more interested in analyzing b than rehashing a, as a should preclude b (thus why i have no interest in religion)
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 03:35:18 am
Quote
oh so rather than the smiley face they're just telling you OH DONT WORRY WE WONT THROW YOU INTO THE OVEN as you are standing five feet from the fucking oven and the other nazis are laughing and they're wearing those fucking abyss black gloves and you can see the smile on that nazi in front of you and it looks genuine but you can already see the flames from your corpse echoing through those piercing blue eyes
in this stringently still have prayer work?
its the real mystery!
Post by: Shepperd on April 29, 2009, 03:35:26 am
also known as your subconscious mind
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 29, 2009, 03:40:00 am
but i dont want to dismiss that either while also opening the door to anything else. i have experienced more neurological symptoms int he past months than most gw members ever will.
Post by: Shepperd on April 29, 2009, 03:42:09 am
Post by: testaccount on April 29, 2009, 03:46:24 am
can you really not tell?when they took his brain out.........they took out the parts.........that remembered me.......
also view post history too complicated
Post by: testaccount on April 29, 2009, 04:01:40 am
or its more like i feel good when i pray and im confused by it as the previous is what i have always thought of spirituality as and now i have to somehow subtract the horror of god's decisions with the fact that personally something has happened to me.well my point was really nothing more that IF this is some act of some conscious infamous sky faggot then it probably makes them MORE DISGUSTING.
i mean i'm not an idiot, that's kind of the thing. nothing you said is new to me. and yet it does not change what happened/IS HAPPENING.
like all you're doing is restating the things i knew before and it doesn't change the fact that this happened REGARDLESS and i should know better but!!!
but that doesn't really matter because personally i think that you're really praying to your inner selves. idk how that shit works but it sounds like THEY'RE GETTING ON THAT so you better hope they aren't all talk and self-healing actually works. the human mind is the most interesting/complicated thing i am aware of in the galaxy so be happy that you've got one on your side. they're pretty good at things once you back them far enough into the corner
Post by: Barack Obama on April 29, 2009, 04:57:16 am
Post by: Barack Obama on April 29, 2009, 04:57:59 am
Post by: Ryan on April 29, 2009, 12:16:41 pm
Post by: Farren on April 29, 2009, 05:11:50 pm
throw him in the basin and drown all the cancer cells
if he floats he's cured
Post by: pburn on April 29, 2009, 11:46:46 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 30, 2009, 01:53:37 am
whoa.
like has this ever happened before I wonder? DAY ONE TO DAY OF EXPIRY, quite literally, but not as a blog? it would be like a weird depressing forum capsule. if gw lasted that long.
christ one of you could make an awful book.
Post by: halibabica on April 30, 2009, 01:57:09 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 30, 2009, 02:24:36 am
Hey, Steel? Just out of curiosity, which bothers you more: the fact that this happened and you don't know why, or the possibilities implied by its occurence? I mean, are you worried about what it means if you can't find a logical explanation for it? It seems strange this would have so profound an effect on you.
i assume you mean the spiritual thing and not cancer.
what bothers me more is i haven't been able to figure out why it happened. the possibilities do bother me; i have severe issues with any god for what they've done, and even if i went full blown religious and was right and present before his throne, i don't think i could stop those questions. there's too much hurt in this world to justify any of this shit, and i would need those answers. but i also think while i'm not close minded to the possibilities, they also have oddly enough not been important. as i said, to justify the feeling i asked questions. none were answered; the feeling didn't retreat and/or rise to the bait. what happened was spiritual, not religious, and spiritual in such a way i can still make jokes about NO GOD and not lose it.
so in the end i'm left with a more scientific wondering but i will not deny an almost delirious sense of joy of having that despair lifted. i was told the other day to consider anti-depressants and before? i would have. someone as anti-pill as me would have because that level of despair makes suicide look like fun. but now it's gone, and i'm not going to claim there aren't moments of sadness but they are just that, moments and SADNESS, not despair.
the possibility of there being more out there has never been one i've closed off, because i think all real atheists are skeptics and if presented with evidence would judge it (what's going on with me pretty much) but so far those possibilities would need to express themselves as strongly as this feeling of inner peace has; it would need to overwhelm me. I would honestly have to have a religious experience before entertaining religion, if that makes sense, and I mean a vision of Christ himself. i, like many of my friends, am too disgusted by the concept of a real God to open my mind to him or her deliberately and talk about a stupid happy mormon future when children, CHILDREN, die for no fucking reason. but i cannot deny a bizarre inner peace came from a prayer that should not have worked and i have to wonder at that.
i do also like how everyone who has slightly been needling me to religion have ignored the fact that the prayer was a completely hindu prayer. I did not invoke Buddha, Christ, Moroni, or even the concept of inner peace. whoops!
it was this one, for those of you curious:
http://wahiduddin.net/mantra/gayatri.htm
I said the Sanskrit version, it being the only version I know. I also DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, by the way. like I can give you the gist but it's as meaningless as when you make a child say et nomini paitris et fili espiritu santi and don't tell them the translation.
here's an interpretation for those of you who REALLY want to go out there, and I'm sure this might anger a few people but here goes. the ultimate goal of many eastern faiths is less YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BULLSHIT FUTURE WITH GOD and more the acceptance of nothingness. if we were to go gnostic and into the idea of language as a real tool for triggering mental change, is it possible that an ancient Sanskrit prayer, combined with a mind reeling in despair, could actually unlock something with a single restating?
I would buy this but this happens with MANTRAS, which this is but mantras are repeated. that's how they work. no one says OMMMMM and suddenly goes HOLY FUCK WHAT WAS THAT. they say OOOOOOOOM for hours and hours and years and lifetimes and never achieve enlightenment. there's also the fact I didn't achieve much. I just feel...peaceful when I shouldn't.
but this is still an interpretation and the purely scientific ones aren't satisfying me so!
Post by: Alec on April 30, 2009, 03:33:52 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 30, 2009, 03:39:25 am
not because it would be good or something but it occurs to me that something like this rarely happens. usually when someone on a forum has something like this go on at the risk of sounding cruel and arrogant they aren't as prolific or well known on the forum or they don't keep people up to date with almost everything, but you could really be like CHAPTER 1 BEFORE THE CANCER
We knew him as Steel but most of us called him...friend.
ahhhh this is a hilarious thought to think about but man has anyone ever done that? I honestly can't think of one, most people just keep a sporadic blog. I post almost every day, you would have fucking thousands of pages you could shill a shitty book from!
Post by: Alec on April 30, 2009, 03:57:32 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on April 30, 2009, 03:58:40 am
Post by: Mongoloid on April 30, 2009, 07:37:00 am
if worse comes to worse one of you honestly could filter my forum stuff into a shitty non-fiction book i think.
not because it would be good or something but it occurs to me that something like this rarely happens. usually when someone on a forum has something like this go on at the risk of sounding cruel and arrogant they aren't as prolific or well known on the forum or they don't keep people up to date with almost everything, but you could really be like CHAPTER 1 BEFORE THE CANCER
We knew him as Steel but most of us called him...friend.
ahhhh this is a hilarious thought to think about but man has anyone ever done that? I honestly can't think of one, most people just keep a sporadic blog. I post almost every day, you would have fucking thousands of pages you could shill a shitty book from!
this is a pretty sweet idea! i don't think your posts would make a very good book unless the worst happened, but the idea of a book made from a persons posts is pretty great!
Post by: esiann on April 30, 2009, 12:24:27 pm
or what if they were in the house tweeting via tweetberry and one of them really killed him and each chapter is one person's series of tweets and it's totally ambiguous what happened. it would be like a murder mystery version of the sound and the fury in tweets.
or like tracing someone's descent into madness through facebook status updates
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 30, 2009, 01:27:21 pm
what if you wrote a book that was like this youtube of a dude killing himself and then among the comments there are like ten people whose lives were changed forever by the event and you traced the changes by their recent youtube activity
or what if they were in the house tweeting via tweetberry and one of them really killed him and each chapter is one person's series of tweets and it's totally ambiguous what happened. it would be like a murder mystery version of the sound and the fury in tweets.
or like tracing someone's descent into madness through facebook status updates
all of these are actually in the works in some way. there's a poet doing a book via gtalk. let me find that shit, its kind of awful.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 30, 2009, 02:11:45 pm
what if you wrote a book that was like this youtube of a dude killing himself and then among the comments there are like ten people whose lives were changed forever by the event and you traced the changes by their recent youtube activity
or what if they were in the house tweeting via tweetberry and one of them really killed him and each chapter is one person's series of tweets and it's totally ambiguous what happened. it would be like a murder mystery version of the sound and the fury in tweets.
or like tracing someone's descent into madness through facebook status updates
okay the first is SORT of a documentary, this guy filmed these kids as kids, then as teens, and he recently did them at like 41. it wasn't event based, but you can find lots of fiction books based on that. but yeah that's real.
there's got to be some shitty TEXT MESSAGE: THE MYSTERY book out there.
and the last is basically every book where someone goes crazy.
i know the joke is the gimmick but i just realized i'm probably not wrong there are probably people using these gimmicks RIGHT NOW.
Post by: esiann on April 30, 2009, 02:35:01 pm
i like the idea of eric thinking "gimmick books??? can i get that on my kindle?"
Post by: Alec on April 30, 2009, 03:30:54 pm
Post by: Alec on April 30, 2009, 03:32:16 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on April 30, 2009, 03:41:07 pm
also the SIMPSONS of all things actually did a parody ep of this, no bullshit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Springfield_Up
the funniest part is the cat lady because her life is all successful and then the last cut GYAAAAA *throws cats* it was more clever than I expected from them.
Post by: Mongoloid on May 06, 2009, 09:07:06 am
i like the idea of eric thinking "gimmick books??? can i get that on my kindle?"
gimmick or not, i don't see a reason why an interesting person couldn't make this a good book.
I read the first half of Z-Day or WWZ or whatever that zombie book was called and iirc it was choppy and hard to read like that would be, but for the most part it was decent.
I think the point is though, anybody who has enough posts on a message board to make a book out of them is not someone anyone wants to read about.
ps. i'm touched that you call me eric
Post by: esiann on May 06, 2009, 12:47:04 pm
the book would have extremely limited relevance even if it were written well. i'm sure it would have a super niche audience but it wouldn't be very good. at best it would make money.
Post by: Wash Cycle on May 06, 2009, 08:35:50 pm
Quote
here's an interpretation for those of you who REALLY want to go out there, and I'm sure this might anger a few people but here goes. the ultimate goal of many eastern faiths is less YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BULLSHIT FUTURE WITH GOD and more the acceptance of nothingness. if we were to go gnostic and into the idea of language as a real tool for triggering mental change, is it possible that an ancient Sanskrit prayer, combined with a mind reeling in despair, could actually unlock something with a single restating?its time for you to do shrooms.
I would buy this but this happens with MANTRAS, which this is but mantras are repeated. that's how they work. no one says OMMMMM and suddenly goes HOLY FUCK WHAT WAS THAT. they say OOOOOOOOM for hours and hours and years and lifetimes and never achieve enlightenment. there's also the fact I didn't achieve much. I just feel...peaceful when I shouldn't.
but this is still an interpretation and the purely scientific ones aren't satisfying me so!
all that hindu/buddhist/tao/sufi/gnostic stuff makes perfect sense once you have had a taste of what they are talking about. the thing people call god is in the void (maybe god is the void I dont know), and that is where you find ultimate truth. shrooms, soma, haoma, peyote, meditation, prayer, chant, sayin the rosary whatever you want to call it they are all means to an end. culturally bound vehicles if you will, but ultimately they are all getting at the same thing, and I think it may be spiritually soothing for you to tap into it in a controlled setting
who knows though, I'm sure you've experienced ego-death before, but it may not be a bad idea to revisit some of these neural pathways in search of meaning/healing/whatever (because ultimately all these types of healings have to do with change in mindset anyway so yeah, a powerful experience like that) I guess my recommendation would be to see if theres any Native American church shit goin on anywhere near you, cause their road men have incredible healing powers and I'm not saying that they can make tumor go away, but they can certainly help your mental health for sure
so I guess all I can say is in recommending this path of action I strongly urge the use of good sense and a controlled, safe, comfortable environment and more than likely the presence of some sort of healer or experienced researcher who knows the ins and outs of these things, but you know this already
Post by: Alec on May 07, 2009, 04:07:09 am
Post by: Alec on May 07, 2009, 04:08:23 am
Post by: Wash Cycle on May 07, 2009, 03:09:30 pm
you have a problem? there's a drug for that*entheogen
Post by: Alec on May 07, 2009, 04:23:01 pm
Post by: Wash Cycle on May 08, 2009, 02:01:49 am
there's a fancy word for a drug for thatand you are a charlatan who understands nothing about the development of religious thought
Post by: Ryan on May 08, 2009, 02:44:06 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 08, 2009, 02:49:10 am
~wash cycle, anthropologist
Post by: Wash Cycle on May 08, 2009, 03:31:23 am
Post by: Barack Obama on May 08, 2009, 03:33:07 am
Post by: Ryan on May 08, 2009, 03:41:46 am
What may be an eternity to man is a moment for god.
I have no need for hesitation.
- Krelian, Anthropologist
Post by: Barack Obama on May 08, 2009, 03:44:52 am
(http://pub.gamingw.net/61648/nugz.jpg)
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 08, 2009, 03:46:30 am
and you trolls are disgusting fucking people. take a look at yourselves and what you do for entertainment jesus lord
wait wait. what exactly are you saying they do for entertainment?
if you're trying to imply someone who disagrees with your GO SEE A HEALER AND DO PEYOTE bullshit must be a troll who does it as a hobby weeeelllll hey maybe you should slap yourself in the face a couple of times with a wound-up hot towel.
Post by: headphonics on May 08, 2009, 03:53:04 am
Post by: Wash Cycle on May 08, 2009, 04:02:15 am
this is where you'd go 'whoops just trollin ya calm down dude this is the internet'
excuse me for being interested in and believing in the efficacy of the oldest of the world religions I'm just some nutjob cause clearly for 50,000 years until the advent of organized religion everything everyone was doin up to that point was a bunch of bullllshit
ffs do any of you actually believe I would give that advice to anyone who wasnt in a circumstance like steels man..
oh you have a cold? here take some shrooms and feel better. yeah thats definitely it. works every time :tsk:
Post by: Alec on May 08, 2009, 04:37:05 am
ffs do any of you actually believe I would give that advice to anyone who wasnt in a circumstance like steels man..no you just talk about drugs more than the average person and i decided to make a joke about it. calm down the psychedelics are giving you angers.
oh you have a cold? here take some shrooms and feel better. yeah thats definitely it. works every time :tsk:
Post by: Ryan on May 08, 2009, 04:50:11 am
and if this was one of you giving this advice
this is where you'd go 'whoops just trollin ya calm down dude this is the internet'
excuse me for being interested in and believing in the efficacy of the oldest of the world religions I'm just some nutjob cause clearly for 50,000 years until the advent of organized religion everything everyone was doin up to that point was a bunch of bullllshit
ffs do any of you actually believe I would give that advice to anyone who wasnt in a circumstance like steels man..
oh you have a cold? here take some shrooms and feel better. yeah thats definitely it. works every time :tsk:
i wasn't making fun of you for the talk about psychedelics and their medicinal value or what have you. i just think it's hilarious that you called some guy a charlatan for not having an encyclopedic knowledge about ANCIENT DRUG INFLUENCES ON RELIGION or whatever.
whoa... that n00b doesnt know that Hammurabi wrote his Code of Laws under the influence of peyote? what a bitch.
Post by: im_so_tired on May 08, 2009, 11:59:42 am
Post by: Marmot on May 08, 2009, 05:34:06 pm
excuse me for being interested in and believing in the efficacy of the oldest of the world religions I'm just some nutjob cause clearly for 50,000 years until the advent of organized religion everything everyone was doin up to that point was a bunch of bullllshit
Probably most of the medical and all the religious stuff was garbage
Post by: fatty on May 08, 2009, 11:45:01 pm
Post by: Shepperd on May 10, 2009, 07:12:10 pm
Post by: Vellfire on May 11, 2009, 02:10:27 am
Okay so, I was reading this topic during programming class and I was brought to tears(not like boo hoo i am so sad, more like really watery eyes). What the fuck is wrong with me.
jesus christ i read this reply thinking i was in that ruby topic in the programming forum (i guess because of PROGRAMMING CLASS) and i seriously thought you were crying over programming languages
carry on....
Post by: fatty on May 11, 2009, 03:03:11 pm
Post by: Sapsuker on May 12, 2009, 02:19:30 am
please don't have died =(
Post by: AznChipmunk on May 12, 2009, 06:50:36 am
Post by: Warped655 on May 12, 2009, 08:05:17 am
Post by: Ryan on May 12, 2009, 04:27:17 pm
Post by: headphonics on May 12, 2009, 04:45:18 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 12, 2009, 06:52:27 pm
I'm waiting for a day when i don't feel gayrt before I come back but i'm still irl SNIPPY AS FUCK so.
BUT
tumor markers dropped w00t. went from like 475 to 417. this is good as it was growing exponentially and imagine it on the other end of a parabola now! so yeah etoposide pill works!
and dr. bosl, or rather his dudes in sloan, have a kickass treatment they will almost certainly put me on after the etoposide stops working. and it's just like the high dose einhorn wanted, but shorter (and more intense). and then there's one at MD Anderson we might try after.
so yeah w00t good shit overall.
Post by: JMickle on May 12, 2009, 07:02:55 pm
Post by: dada on May 12, 2009, 07:28:49 pm
tumor markers dropped w00t. went from like 475 to 417. this is good as it was growing exponentially and imagine it on the other end of a parabola now! so yeah etoposide pill works!It's good to hear that finally one of your steps along the way has not gone awry for a change.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 12, 2009, 07:32:46 pm
Post by: Jester on May 12, 2009, 08:04:00 pm
Post by: blood hell on May 12, 2009, 08:29:26 pm
Post by: Sapsuker on May 12, 2009, 09:28:47 pm
or don't thank god.
thank...spiritual release. or something. i'm just happy you aren't dead.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 12, 2009, 10:38:53 pm
Post by: Doppleganger on May 15, 2009, 04:53:33 am
I just thought that I'd let you know that I'm very pleased to hear that your treatment is working with a fair amount of success, and that there are going to be options beyond that. Compared to the scenario you were facing not even a month ago, I can only imagine what sense of relief you have achieved.
I would like you to know that I view you as extraordinarily well thought out person. I consider your musings, along with a few others on GW, to be an absolute privilege to read. While I don't necessarily take part in many conversations here anymore, I feel a lot of the reason is because you so eloquently say the things I need to say. Specifically on subjects such as equal rights, what morality means, and the privileges that one can have just for being a specific race or gender in this society. Without your presence, I would feel that GW has lost a level-headedness that it would never get back. Something that would make me consider whether or not I need to maintain my daily visits to these forums.
In closing- you are a pillar of this community, and I am glad to have let you know that.
Post by: JMickle on May 15, 2009, 10:36:15 am
Post by: DS on May 15, 2009, 12:18:14 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 15, 2009, 02:25:13 pm
it does distress me a bit that the original appointment was set for THIS MONDAY and I found out yesterday which then makes me wonder how...much time do they expect the pills to work... but I suspect that's more because if we take this clinical trial option I also have to drop the pills for a month so it's just sooner is better. either that or doctors know something i dont OR doctors have no sense of TRAVEL ARRANGEMENTS because really who tells someone on a thursday you're going to new york monday when they aren't business people with ducats to throw around.
but yeah in theory if any of you are in the area and want to guide me around for a day, I can't guarantee I'll be at my most dynamic or anything but post something here.
also I say this always but NO ONE GO OUT OF YOUR WAY JESUS CHRIST I'm saying if you are in New York City, you LIVE THERE, and you don't mind showing me and unfortunately possible, my family, some of the non-touristy I <3 NY bullshit that tends to be referred to as most accurately, soul killing, drop a post here? Diggity goes to NYU but they let out for the summer already and plus you know who wants to do that... but maybe someone else?
no waluigi soap.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 15, 2009, 02:26:38 pm
DOSE ANYONE KNOW A GOOD CHINESE PLACE IN CLEVELAND?
EDIT: an important note I didn't mention; both of these clinical trials have really long term remission rates attached. long enough to say CURE almost; one saw about 70% of the patients have an astonishing three year remission with no return yet. so these are uh PRETTY FUCKING GOOD trials which is why we're going up to NY which is specific to mine.
double edit: forgot to mention we'll PROBABLY be staying in Manhattan when we're there as we have a family friend there and hotels are expensive as fuck and the Sloan-Ketterling we're going to is there.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 15, 2009, 03:07:11 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 15, 2009, 03:07:44 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on May 15, 2009, 06:09:49 pm
...w00t...w00t...lol
Post by: Sludgelord on May 15, 2009, 07:15:58 pm
Post by: jamie on May 15, 2009, 08:20:26 pm
I liked walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, too. When I got to the other side, I stood there and listened to Illmatic. Then I turned around and went back to Scotland.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 16, 2009, 09:50:16 am
i think it would be an adventure in strange.
Post by: jamie on May 16, 2009, 11:42:14 am
Post by: Grunthor on May 17, 2009, 01:46:27 am
but yeah in theory if any of you are in the area and want to guide me around for a day, I can't guarantee I'll be at my most dynamic or anything but post something here.
also I say this always but NO ONE GO OUT OF YOUR WAY JESUS CHRIST I'm saying if you are in New York City, you LIVE THERE, and you don't mind showing me and unfortunately possible, my family, some of the non-touristy I <3 NY bullshit that tends to be referred to as most accurately, soul killing, drop a post here?
I'd show you around, but I'm not coming back to NYC until June 29th. If you let me know what it is you'd like to see while your there though, I can give you exact directions to whatever it is your looking for.
Post by: Sludgelord on May 17, 2009, 02:06:27 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 18, 2009, 06:18:49 pm
I'm actually being serious, soap has stalked someone's sister before, I'm not going to let him meet my mom! Ramci, Chef, sure what the hell, but soap has a history of fucking around with people's family and no thanks! my sister is already kind of fucked up she does not need to fall in love with waluigi soap or whatever the hell.
like if you are being serious about meeting soap I am serious in that I'm not gonna do that! I would do it alone in a heartbeat but today I had a terrible foot seizure which seems to indicate my mom will not be okay with me wandering around one of the largest cities in the world without someone who knows what they are doing.
also luckily I found someone we knew a long time ago who can do the directions thing. I definitely want to check out the MOMA and definitely don't want to go to Times Square as Hundley basically described it as A PLACE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF NOTHING IS WORTH IT (also it's a fucking street and I've seen it on TV, I don't care about it).
the issue is there's so much to do and see really! like I wish this wasn't three days plus a fucking hospital visit and leaving etc because there's actually a lot of fucking stuff to do.
but yeah I'm putting a thumbs down on Soap and Times Square!!!
Post by: Ryan on May 18, 2009, 06:37:51 pm
Post by: jamie on May 18, 2009, 06:48:30 pm
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on May 18, 2009, 06:58:59 pm
Post by: esiann on May 18, 2009, 08:59:53 pm
do you want to see the met too?
Post by: Barack Obama on May 18, 2009, 10:37:34 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on May 18, 2009, 10:44:04 pm
Post by: headphonics on May 18, 2009, 10:45:20 pm
soap is pretty creepy
Post by: jamie on May 18, 2009, 11:00:24 pm
Stalking someone's sister...I'll believe it when I see the chatlogs. Verified chatlogs.
Post by: Sludgelord on May 18, 2009, 11:16:18 pm
Post by: Ryan on May 18, 2009, 11:20:00 pm
Post by: jamie on May 18, 2009, 11:25:51 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on May 18, 2009, 11:30:16 pm
Post by: Mongoloid on May 19, 2009, 08:27:09 am
ps. those soap videos are awesome, ive never met the dude but everything i hear about em is pretty great. sounds like steel is afraid of FUN.
Post by: Sludgelord on May 19, 2009, 08:29:31 am
You can watch his YouTube videos and see for yourself that he's weird, but I think a lot of us are weird.
Post by: Mongoloid on May 19, 2009, 08:48:22 am
It was pretty sweet though.
I always imagined being clingy ran pretty common in online communities though. Lord knows I am not socially where I should be.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 19, 2009, 09:34:36 am
Post by: Barack Obama on May 19, 2009, 09:49:31 am
AND THATS THE BOTTOM LINE, CUZ I(STONE COLD) SAYS SO
Post by: Barack Obama on May 19, 2009, 09:50:56 am
Post by: Barack Obama on May 19, 2009, 09:54:15 am
aaahhahahahhahaha i would hang out with this guy
WaluigiSoap commented on Filipino Fable: The Monkey ... (1 day ago)
"Good morals. That monkey got what it deserved."
Post by: Vellfire on May 19, 2009, 01:06:41 pm
the moma is cool. my dad and i were like "feh spending money is overrated feh feh" and just walked around the gift shop but they have some wiggidy-wack kitchenware so it was not a waste of time. also there are people from lots of different countries there so you can be a creep and try to translate overheard conversations. but you will probably be actually going in and seeing sweet exhibits. ah well, such is life
do you want to see the met too?
yeah, the moma has a lot of cool shit but also has a lot of "i put some scraps of white paper into a box ART COMPLETE" shit too, also if you go there check out their design store across the street too, not just the gift shop--THAT'S where the cool stuff is--it's just really confusing because their gift shop is the moma design & book store and the other one is the moma design store so when i went looking for the design store i couldn't figure out where all these books came from and why it didn't have anything that the website did, i believe most of the kitchenware was in the design store too
the met was good too but i think i liked the moma better, the met had a more confusing layout (for me at least, me and my friend kept trying to find things and kept ending up somewhere completely different), still if you're into like historical sculptures and armor and things like that then the met is definitely good (not that they don't have modern art too)
besides that i don't really have any suggestions since i was only there for five days and just got back two days ago, and most of our time was spent seeing plays
Post by: dragonx on May 19, 2009, 01:49:33 pm
the met was good too but i think i liked the moma better, the met had a more confusing layout (for me at least, me and my friend kept trying to find things and kept ending up somewhere completely different), still if you're into like historical sculptures and armor and things like that then the met is definitely good (not that they don't have modern art too)
those big city stores sure aren't like them barns :fogetlaugh:
Post by: Vellfire on May 19, 2009, 02:01:49 pm
edit: oh fuck i seriously meant to type mouth but now i don't want to change it
Post by: dragonx on May 19, 2009, 02:25:16 pm
shut your shit
edit: oh fuck i seriously meant to type mouth but now i don't want to change it
get your mind out of the barn lol
Post by: Vellfire on May 19, 2009, 02:36:38 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on May 19, 2009, 03:00:29 pm
Can I have your barn?
Post by: jamie on May 19, 2009, 03:10:08 pm
Post by: Vellfire on May 19, 2009, 03:17:10 pm
it's not like NO ONE uses it it's just that i personally never use it
Post by: jamie on May 19, 2009, 03:39:21 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on May 19, 2009, 03:44:29 pm
Why would you lie to us like that?
Post by: Vellfire on May 19, 2009, 03:46:03 pm
there is nothing in it but hay that is all it is, hay!!! it's not as cool as you're imagining it dudes, it's all storage for hay
also it's my barn in the same way my house is my house, i never said it was my personal private barn that no one else has any ownership over why would you even think that that is dumb
Post by: Barack Obama on May 19, 2009, 03:49:22 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on May 19, 2009, 04:13:02 pm
Post by: dark_crystalis on May 19, 2009, 04:16:28 pm
Post by: Grunthor on May 19, 2009, 05:17:54 pm
You have cows... please tip one over for us
Cow tipping is a myth dude, you can't actually do it, and there are several reasons why.
1. Cows don't sleep standing up.
2. Their legs do not lock up when standing, which would be necessary for someone to tip them.
3. Cows have excellent senses of smell and hearing making it practically impossible to sneak up on them.
Post by: dark_crystalis on May 19, 2009, 05:20:24 pm
Cow tipping is a myth dude, you can't actually do it, and there are several reasons why.I can't believe Myth IX is a lie :( :fogetcry:
1. Cows don't sleep standing up.
2. Their legs do not lock up when standing, which would be necessary for someone to tip them.
3. Cows have excellent senses of smell and hearing making it practically impossible to sneak up on them.
Post by: Mongoloid on May 19, 2009, 07:34:06 pm
Post by: Farren on May 21, 2009, 10:04:14 pm
hey you hear about this btw? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb8YC0Kkl3Y
fuck this kid and his stupid ass momma
Post by: JMickle on May 21, 2009, 10:10:54 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hb8YC0Kkl3Y
:fogetnah:
Post by: Warped655 on May 22, 2009, 07:18:16 am
Post by: jamie on May 22, 2009, 07:50:49 am
Post by: Vellfire on May 22, 2009, 12:35:18 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 23, 2009, 02:48:20 pm
AND I GET TO BE AWAKE DURING IT.
also new york is coming soon the biopsy stuff is after. also also they are going to readjust my dilantin levels so i'm gonna get bad again soon lmao.
EVERYTHING'S TURNING UP FAT AND STUPID FOR ME!!!
Post by: headphonics on May 23, 2009, 02:49:31 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 23, 2009, 02:57:21 pm
thats awful but what will the dilantin do?
reduce foot seizures (related to brain shit/swelling) but it also does that weird nervous thing where I don't stop posting. it's actually hard to describe because it's not posting but suddenly throughout the day I'll get nervous and easily upset about stuff and get kind of...ADD I guess?
which btw has faded away but 1. I've been getting a lot of 'work' done without GW/AIM and kind of want to hit a point where I have something concrete before I come back and 2. I'm kind of looking forward to an awful day of just catching up to a month of shit that happened and then leaning back and being like "aaaaaaah"
for instance Wash Cycle sent me a bizarre PM I don't understand at all! will it make sense on reading this thread? who knows! edit: oh there were more pages to what he linked, IGNORE THIS.
but they did an MRI and saw what looks like a tumor again, but what makes no sense is it's in the same place. that's not supposed to happen with radiated spots; when brain tumors come back they show up in random spots. the doc said it's 50/50 it's another tumor (it can be lots of other things), and if it is we can reirradiate but man what a fuckarow! it's possible the tumor also is causing these foot spasms but we don't know.
Post by: Farren on May 24, 2009, 08:09:52 am
Man ignore all that stupid shit and finish you memoirs, spend time with your family. I'm sorry that shit is continuously getting worse for you and I'd trade a tumor so you could get healthy any motherfucking day but thats not how the world works and its apparently only getting worse and worse for you. so I guess what I'm trying to say is fuck gw and fuck gw shit go take that money we gave you and try to have as much fun as you possibly can and hope for the best but visit from time to time if you get the chance.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 25, 2009, 01:38:13 pm
because we are off to new york on like wednesday, the neurosurgeon who wanted to do the biopsy wants to do it asap!!! so I'm going to the hospital at like noon, they'll prep me with scans and make sure where everything is, do the surgery in the morning (15 mins) and I'll be out by like six pm tomorrow.
it's more inconvenient than it is scary, although when he describes it you're obviously like nooooo dont. it's MAC anesthesia, which isn't even general, and yeah it's a little thing but BRAIN BIOPSY. I was also wrong it's not one you stay awake for, even when they drill the halo in.
on the plus side he's fairly certain it's not a tumor but we'll need the results for New York. I'll also be able to get my dilantin levels adjusted which is good!
so yeah I'm probably not going to have Sredni post or anything, or even tell him till it's over, because really this is such a small procedure but I figure you guys wanna know whats up with that.
chef/ramci: this also means WHOOPS: I'M NOT HERE POSSIBLY. worse comes to worse, call me sometime on Thursday, preferably after noon.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 25, 2009, 02:25:46 pm
how big a piece of your brain are they taking and from where?
Post by: tuxedo marx on May 25, 2009, 02:45:46 pm
we can rebuild him...
Post by: fatty on May 25, 2009, 02:58:15 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 25, 2009, 03:13:49 pm
you've undoubtedly thought of this already so this won't make you worry but those halos (the brace thing that holds your head still?) freak me out. having it bolted into your skull creeps me out so much. like this combined with the idea of tapping on it or TRIPPING. ugh.
how big a piece of your brain are they taking and from where?
i'll be asleepish while that happens I THINK. aaaa I hope so anyways, I asked him about pain and he said none before, a little after but like a paper cut.
the incision is like a few millimeters, and they'll be taking a grain of rice basically from whatever the weird area is.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 25, 2009, 03:44:47 pm
why would someone who had major brain surgery and brain tumors even consider doing a hallucinogen probably ever in their life?
like...man. did you forget that detail or what? I mean I have DAILY SEIZURES why would I do this!
edit: I'm going to assume yeah you forgot because that is otherwise seriously the worst possible advice. unlike dok advice which would eventually kill me taking a psychedelic drug would PROBABLY fuck me up at that moment forever.
the effects of mushrooms on someone missing brain parts prone to seizures is probably not something the medical community has analyzed in great detail.
Post by: Lyndon on May 25, 2009, 03:56:26 pm
bah, it was on youtube, but I cant seem to find it anymore
Post by: dada on May 25, 2009, 04:53:36 pm
the effects of mushrooms on someone missing brain parts prone to seizures is probably not something the medical community has analyzed in great detail.That's pretty interesting! I googled this but it seems that you're right.
And oh come on. It's just a little pick-me-up...
Post by: Ryan on May 25, 2009, 06:21:14 pm
Post by: headphonics on May 25, 2009, 06:34:46 pm
hahahah I just read WC's post and man regardless of anything else irt to religious thought etc...nobody else mentioned this, i don't think, so it probably didn't occur to anyone. i mean i didnt think all the religious rambling was appropriate but i wasnt thinking NOOOO ITLL KILL HIM!!! either!
why would someone who had major brain surgery and brain tumors even consider doing a hallucinogen probably ever in their life?
like...man. did you forget that detail or what? I mean I have DAILY SEIZURES why would I do this!
edit: I'm going to assume yeah you forgot because that is otherwise seriously the worst possible advice. unlike dok advice which would eventually kill me taking a psychedelic drug would PROBABLY fuck me up at that moment forever.
the effects of mushrooms on someone missing brain parts prone to seizures is probably not something the medical community has analyzed in great detail.
Post by: GaZZwa on May 25, 2009, 06:50:06 pm
the effects of mushrooms on someone missing brain parts prone to seizures is probably not something the medical community has analyzed in great detail.
this is your chance to give something back to the world!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 12:57:04 am
nobody else mentioned this, i don't think, so it probably didn't occur to anyone. i mean i didnt think all the religious rambling was appropriate but i wasnt thinking NOOOO ITLL KILL HIM!!! either!
yeah I'm hoping because it obviously struck me asap as something that would probably fuck me up in a few seconds and probably permanently and I was like DUDE.
as for the rest I'm not sure where he's getting the idea that all religion came from drug experiences or his anger that people would question this pretty bold assertion but I also didn't read it too hard as the whole "drugs in a fucked head" part took my attention.
Post by: headphonics on May 26, 2009, 01:01:58 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 01:05:57 am
it was at a six.
in order to have an effect you have to have a ten to twenty! lol! so I'm gettin another hit in like three hours. biopsy is scheduled for 7:30 am, and if I'm not too fucking high I'll post sometime after. I will be home at like one or two pm the next day.
Post by: Barack Obama on May 26, 2009, 08:59:26 am
the whole scenario is wacky, some newage "doctor" running a not-so-legal practice in his den giving folks mushrooms to come to terms with whatever emotional baggage they're carrying. I'd lose my fucking mind in a situation like that if I were in your shoes. Some things are best dealt with while keeping your ego intact.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on May 26, 2009, 10:09:02 am
point is maybe lsd or shrooms would activate the seizure part of his brain.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 04:53:18 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 05:35:19 pm
and then they tell me there are two sites they want to look at and guess what, they can't get to site 2 the first time so they go for a third but then the drill doesn't quite reach for a while so I could hear it whirring about a millimiter from my skull. they used some vice to hold my head in place too.
basically what an unpleasant time. we don't know if it's cancer but I swear I heard the doctor say tumor so :( we find out later today and then I go home.
seriously ugh what a terrible time. and pathology was so late it made the surgery last hella long.
edit I feel okay, maybe better than the other brain surgery, and a little lightheaded from meds, but I'm okay for NY tomorrow.
Post by: jamie on May 26, 2009, 05:41:29 pm
Post by: Carrion Crow on May 26, 2009, 05:43:33 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on May 26, 2009, 05:46:43 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 05:51:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 05:53:34 pm
and you know, it's your head.
Post by: Barack Obama on May 26, 2009, 06:07:49 pm
Good lord that's intense. Mad props dogg... mad props
Holla
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 26, 2009, 07:42:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 07:55:33 pm
what is annoying is I swear they said they'd use MAC anesthesia. I'm gonna ask when the doc shows up but I could swear I should have been IN AND OUT instead of just almost entirely coherent. I mean I had discussions about EMINEM and heard them talking about stuff and made jokes.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 26, 2009, 07:58:58 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on May 26, 2009, 08:03:45 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 08:07:02 pm
painkillers wore off an hour ago btw which was miserable for a bit but tylenol got it.
Post by: Alec on May 26, 2009, 08:22:14 pm
Quote
Conscious sedation and monitored anesthesia care (MAC) refer to an awareness somewhere in the middle of the spectrum depending on the degree to which a patient is sedated. It is important to note that awareness/wakefulness is not necessarily correlated with pain or discomfort. The aim of conscious sedation or minimal anesthetic care is to provide a safe and comfortable anesthetic while maintaining the patient's ability to follow commands.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 08:46:02 pm
sucks!
anyways, new york tomorrow.
Post by: dark_crystalis on May 26, 2009, 10:38:10 pm
Post by: jamie on May 26, 2009, 10:44:44 pm
Post by: mkkmypet on May 26, 2009, 10:52:39 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 11:01:59 pm
just fyi this was really horrible in a lot of ways. like idk if you thought like i did and were like HEH NEAT AWAKE DURING A SURGERY but after the first drill it was like okay stop the ride im getting off. it's not cool at all, it just fucking sucks. the vice grip actually hurts a lot after they release you and the pain killers wear off and they've made my head lumpy a bit. also maybe this could invalidate me from other clinical trials, including the reason i'm going to new york!!! goddam.
the idea i think is stereotactic radiation again but at a higher dose.
edit: like i wouldn't wish chemo on anyone but as a singular experience HEARING YOUR SKULL GETTING DRILLED INTO is really up there with horrible shit like pulits getting shot etc. it is the worst experience.
like being kissed by raine dog...
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 26, 2009, 11:12:40 pm
anyone want to back this up one way or the other?
Post by: Doppleganger on May 27, 2009, 07:01:24 pm
Quote
Whole Brain Radiation and Brain Metastasis
The initial approach to using radiation postoperatively to treat brain metastases, used to be whole brain radiation, but this was abandoned because of the substantial neurological deficits that resulted, sometimes appearing a considerable time after treatment. Whole brain radiation was routinely administered to patients after craniotomy for excision of a cerebral metastasis in an attempt to destroy any residual cancer cells at the surgical site. However, the deleterious effects of whole brain radiation, such as dementia and other irreversible neurotoxicities, became evident.
This raised the question as to whether elective postoperative whole brain radiation should be administered to patients after excision of a solitary brain metastasis. Current clinical practice, at a number of leading cancer centers, use a more focused radiation field (Radiotherapy) that includes only 2-3cm beyond the periphery of the tumor site. This begins as soon as the surgical incision has healed.
Many metastatic brain lesions are now being treated with stereotactic radiosurgery. In fact, some feel radiosurgery is the treatment of choice for most brain metastases. There are a number of radiation treatments for therapy (Stereotatic, Gamma-Knife, Cyber-Knife, Brachyradiation and IMRT to name a few). These treatments are focal and not diffuse. Unlike surgery, few lesions are inaccessible to radiosurgical treatment because of their location in the brain. Also, their generally small size and relative lack of invasion into adjacent brain tissue make brain metastases ideal candidates for radiosurgery. Multiple lesions may be treated as long as they are small.
The risk of neurotoxicity from whole brain radiation is not insignificant and this approach is not indicated in patients with a solitary brain metastasis. Observation or focal radiation is a better choice in solitary metastasis patients. Whole brain radiation can induce neurological deterioration, dementia or both. Those at increased risk for long-term radiation effects are adults over 50 years of age. However, whole brain radiation therapy has been recognized to cause considerable permanent side effects mainly in patients over 60 years of age. The side effects from whole brain radiation therapy affect up to 90% of patients in this age group. Focal radiation to the local tumor bed has been applied to patients to avoid these complications.
Aggressive treatment like surgical resection and focal radiation to the local tumor bed in patients with limited or no systemic disease can yield long-term survival. In such patients, delayed deleterious side effects of whole brain radiation therapy are particularly tragic. Within 6 months to 2 years patients can develop progressive dementia, ataxia and urinary incontinence, causing severe disability and in some, death. Delayed radiation injuries result in increased tissue pressure from edema, vascular injury leading to infarction, damage to endothelial cells and fibrinoid necrosis of small arteries and arterioles.
Even the studies performed by Dr. Roy Patchell, et al, in the early and late 90's have been recognized incorrectly, sometimes, in the radiation oncology profession. The studies were thought to have been the difference between surgical excision of brain tumor alone vs. surgical excision & whole brain radiation. It was a study of whole brain radiation of a brain tumor alone vs. whole brain radiation & surgical excision. The increased success had been the surgery. And they measured "tumor recurrence", not "long-term survival". Patients experiencing any survival could have been dying from radiation necrosis, starting within two years of whole brain radiation treatment and documented as "complications of cancer" not "complications of treatment". There may have been less "tumor recurrence" but not more "long-term survival".
Patchell's studies convincingly showed there was no survival benefit or prolonged independence in patients who received postoperative whole brain radiation therapy. The efficacy of postoperative radiotherapy after complete surgical resection had not been established. It never mentioned the incidence of dementia, alopecia, nausea, fatigue or any other numerous side effects associated with whole brain radiation. The most interesting part of this study were the patients who lived the longest. Patients in the observation group who avoided neurologic deaths had an improvement in survival, justifying the recommendation that whole brain radiation therapy is not indicated following surgical resection of a solitary brain metastasis.
An editorial to Patchell's studies by Drs. Arlan Pinzer Mintz and J. Gregory Cairncross (JAMA 1998;280:1527-1529) described the morbidity associated with whole brain radiation and emphasized the importance of individualized treatment decisions and quality-of-life outcomes. The morbidity associated with whole brain radiation does not indicate whole brain radiation therapy following surgical resection of a solitary brain metastasis. Patients who avoided the neurologic side effects of whole brain radiation had an improvement in survival. His studies convincingly showed there was no survival benefit or prolonged independence in patients who received postoperative whole brain radiation therapy. There may have been some less tumor recurrence but not more long-term survival.
Had fatigue, memory loss and other adverse effects of whole brain radiation been considered, and had quality of life been measured, it might be less clear that whole brain radiation is the right choice for all patients. These patients do not remain functionally independent longer, nor do they live longer than those that have surgery alone, said researchers in a report in an issue of The Journal of the American Medical Association. Patchell's standard for proving the value (improving overall survival) of whole brain radiation fell short of this criteria.
The UCLA Metastatic Brain Tumor Program treats metastatic disease focally so as to spare normal brain tissue and function. Focal treatment allows retreatment of local and new recurrences (whole brain radiation is once and done, cannot be used again). UCLA is equipped with X-knife and Novalis to treat tumors of all sizes and shapes. For patients with a large number of small brain metastases (more than 5), they offer whole brain radiotherapy.
http://neurosurgery.ucla.edu/Programs/BrainTumor/Metastatic_
As reported in MD Anderson's OncoLog, in the past the only treatment for multiple metastases was whole brain radiation, which on its own had little effect on survival. There are now a variety of effective treatment modalities for people who have fewer than four tumors. Dr. Jeffrey Weinberg at the Department of Neurosurgery at MD Anderson has said "with a small, finite number of tumors, it may be better to treat the individual brain tumors themselves rather than the whole brain." Anderson is equipped with Linac Linear Accelerator. The critical idea is to focally treat all tumors.
http://www2.mdanderson.org/depts/oncolog/articles/05/1-jan/1
The results of a study at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine reported that treating four or more brain tumors in a single radiosurgery session resulted in improved survival compared to whole brain radiation therapy alone. Patients underwent Gamma-Knife radiosurgery and the results indicate that treating four or more brain tumors with radiosurgery is safe and effective and translates into a survival benefit for patients.
http://newsbureau.upmc.com/UPCI/GammaKnifeStudy2005.htm
Sometimes, symptoms of brain damage appear many months or years after radiation therapy, a condition called late-delayed radiation damage (radiation necrosis or radiation encephalopathy). Radiation necrosis may result from the death of tumor cells and associated reaction in surrounding normal brain or may result from the necrosis of normal brain tissue surrounding the previously treated metastatic brain tumor. Such reactions tend to occur more frequently in larger lesions (either primary brain tumors or metastatic tumors). Radiation necrosis has been estimated to occur in 20% to 25% of patients treated for these tumors. Some studies say it can develop in at least 40% of patients irradiated for neoplasms following large volume or whole brain radiation and possibly 3% to 9% of patients irradiated focally for brain tumors that developed clinically detectable focal radiation necrosis. In the production of radiation necrosis, the dose and time over which it is given is important, however, the exact amounts that produce such damage cannot be stated.
Late effects of whole brain radiation can include abnormalities of cognition (thinking ability) as well as abnormalities of hormone production. The hypothalamus is the part of the brain that controls pituitary function. The pituitary makes hormones that control production of sex hormones, thyroid hormone, cortisol. Both the pituitary and the hypothalamus will be irradiated if whole brain radiation occurs. Damage to these structures can cause disturbances of personality, libido, thirst, appetite, sleep and other symptoms as well. Psychiatric symptoms can be a prominent part of the clinical picture presented when radiation necrosis occurs.
Again, whole brain radiation is the most damaging of all types of radiation treatments and causes the most severe side effects in the long run to patients. In the past, patients who were candidates for whole brain radiation were selected because they were thought to have limited survival times of less than 1-2 years and other technology did not exist. Today, many physicians question the use of whole brain radiation in most cases as one-session radiosurgery treatment can be repeated for original tumors or used for additional tumors with little or no side effects from radiation to healthy tissues. Increasingly, major studies and research have shown that the benefits of radiosurgery can be as effective as whole brain radiation without the side effects.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on May 27, 2009, 10:09:27 pm
HEARING YOUR SKULL GETTING DRILLED INTO is really up there with horrible shit like pulits getting shot etc. it is the worst experience.
like being kissed by raine dog...
im confused, you don't drill raine dog in the skull
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 28, 2009, 08:46:52 pm
also if the brain mets stay away for six months but cancer in general stays i'm eligible for the high dose as well.
kind of confusing and chef's on his way over so let me sort this thing out and i guess i'll make a better post later when i know more.
Post by: Vellfire on May 28, 2009, 09:38:50 pm
just a li'l nyc art museum humor for ya
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 28, 2009, 09:44:06 pm
Post by: bastarrd on May 29, 2009, 04:51:45 am
Post by: dark_crystalis on May 29, 2009, 05:54:26 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2009, 09:55:50 pm
this is BIZARRE.
my tumor markers, taken YESTERDAY, meaning after we knew that there was cancer in my brain...
have dropped.
by 100.
what?
how does that even make sense? they were like BRAIN TUMOR IS GETTIN BIGGER I'm pretty sure. maybe it wasn't? I really don't know. but yeah previous tumor marker was like 425 or whatever, and it's now 325???
I don't get it. maybe it wasn't growing and they just examined what they saw anyways? or maybe the etoposide which btw I was pretty certain DIDN'T cross the blood brain barrier is attacking other cancer and the brain met is growing?
I really don't understand but this is good news anyways I guess since the etoposide pills are holding.
Post by: JMickle on May 29, 2009, 10:01:47 pm
anyways great news guy
Post by: Farren on May 29, 2009, 10:03:53 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on May 29, 2009, 10:05:49 pm
didnt you say they didnt know if it was a tumor or not?
i mean he was like 90% sure pathology would return a full report saying ITS A TUMOR. it'd be pretty HOLY SHIT if it wasn't, and I also expect he'd email or try to tell me in some way???
Post by: ase on June 02, 2009, 03:59:32 am
getting your head drilled sounds like a horrible experience. really sorry you had to go through that (although didn't you do that a few months ago when you got the frankenstein railroad track staples on your head? was that under general anesthesia?)
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 03, 2009, 01:08:50 pm
Post by: dada on June 03, 2009, 01:29:18 pm
Post by: esiann on June 03, 2009, 03:33:43 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on June 03, 2009, 03:47:18 pm
Post by: esiann on June 03, 2009, 04:33:46 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 04, 2009, 03:13:57 am
i heard from my mom today that steel's health suddenly declined and he's been in intensive care since monday, because he can no longer breathe by himself. from what little she could definitively tell me, it's probably not cancer related, maybe viral, but the doctors don't know yet what it could be. the machine that helps him breathe has health effects from prolonged use, so they may have to intubate his lungs if they can't figure out what's going on soon.
he's been heavily sedated pretty much since he got in. no one knows what the fuck is wrong with him or how long he'll have to stay in, but it's PROBABLY not directly the cancer.
I asked if it could have been complications from his recent surgery, and from what my mom said they don't think it is, because that would have been easily determined.
So, I'm calling his mom tomorrow, to see what's up and such. She probably isn't taking this very well at all (AT ALL), so if anyone wants to send some words of comfort I'd be glad to take PMs and compile them in a big card, which he would get before next week.
But yeah, just wanted to let you guys know that things are worrisome.
Post by: Ryan on June 04, 2009, 03:18:48 am
Post by: jamie on June 04, 2009, 03:21:16 am
fucking?
I really wasn't expecting this!
Post by: The Penguin on June 04, 2009, 03:21:46 am
I just want to say that there is an event at my school called Relay for Life, which is a fundraiser for research to Cure Cancer. During the 24 hour event, people walk/run around the track (where the event is hosted) to show their commitment towards finding a cure; even though I don't know him at all, I ran 5 miles for Steel, and I'm hoping that is something.
Hopefully you can pull threw this!
Post by: jamie on June 04, 2009, 03:21:54 am
Post by: jamie on June 04, 2009, 03:23:25 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 04, 2009, 03:24:50 am
What about the tumour markers?
as far as i know the tumor markers are what steel said they were. i talked to my mom, so it was like, third-hand information. I'll post whatever i hear from his mom tomorrow, tomorrow.
Post by: jamie on June 04, 2009, 03:26:38 am
honestly steel as of late i thought you were on your way it seemed, despite the constant hits, that tumour markers nevers jumped that high before they went down and the latest drop made me think yeah he's doing good but shit.
Post by: bonzi_buddy on June 04, 2009, 03:30:11 am
Post by: jamie on June 04, 2009, 03:32:55 am
Post by: ase on June 04, 2009, 04:39:49 am
Get better, steel. don't let this weaken you. You've been making progress recently and we all want you to keep it up!
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 04, 2009, 05:55:54 am
is he still concious?
Post by: Roman on June 04, 2009, 06:05:03 am
Post by: Barack Obama on June 04, 2009, 07:22:18 am
you'll pull through bud, u got the fight in ya. f'reals though, hope you have a quick recovery.
Post by: headphonics on June 04, 2009, 07:37:58 am
Post by: fatty on June 04, 2009, 10:33:54 am
Get well, steel.
Post by: DS on June 04, 2009, 11:26:23 am
i really hope they'll figure out what it is soon.
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 04, 2009, 12:54:07 pm
hopefully it's a rare virus that he got because of his weakened immune system that destroys fast growing cells and cures his cancer, and he'll get better but the virus will stay in his system so he can't ever get cancer again. this is what i'm hoping for.
is he still concious?
he's conscious but like, ridiculously sedated or something. I'll call his mom this afternoon.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 04, 2009, 01:16:16 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on June 04, 2009, 04:43:47 pm
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on June 04, 2009, 06:49:02 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 04, 2009, 08:09:48 pm
Post by: Silhouette on June 04, 2009, 08:13:24 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 04, 2009, 11:05:57 pm
anyways, they're doing all sorts of tests, including swine flu and malaria and shit, and they can't pinpoint what it is, but they think it's pneumonia because apparently it sounds like there's fluid in his lungs. his fever has come down a few degrees, and the lung fluid is gradually going away. I think she also said that his already weak-from-chemo-and-three-surgeries-lungs can't manage to breathe on their own because of inflammation (he's currently on a ventilator), but that is gradually going away too.
basically they're keeping him alive and stable while his body fights this off, for now!
so yeah, critical (and over the last two days, life-threatened), but stable and slowly improving.
His sister said he's heavily sedated, and hasn't spoken in two or three days now, but he's not comatose; it is legitimately the sedatives keeping him semi-conscious.
keep him in your thoughts!
Post by: JMickle on June 04, 2009, 11:20:55 pm
i hate posting in this topic coz theres actually NOTHiNG i can do cept say shit i hope you get better.
but seriously. shit i hope you get better.
Post by: Sapsuker on June 04, 2009, 11:55:06 pm
god damn it improve better. =(
Post by: Vellfire on June 05, 2009, 12:14:46 am
improving improving improving improving improving improving improving improving improving improving improving improving
i hate posting in this topic coz theres actually NOTHiNG i can do cept say shit i hope you get better.
but seriously. shit i hope you get better.
this, exactly :(
Post by: ase on June 05, 2009, 12:21:59 am
brings me back to reality in an unfortunate way. Get better soon
Post by: Brad on June 05, 2009, 12:32:27 am
Hes one of those dudes that you will never quite forget, I can't help but feel a great sadness to hear this news and I don't even know the fucking guy. Probably the most sympathy I've ever felt for somebody over the internet..
Hell I never even talked to him online either.
Post by: crone_lover720 on June 05, 2009, 06:33:40 am
Post by: reko on June 05, 2009, 06:49:20 am
pull through this and get better soon!
Post by: dada on June 05, 2009, 11:53:42 am
This is really serious, and I can't believe it's happening right before I leave for a week. I'll try checking an internet café somewhere whenever I can. Keep us updated!
Post by: GirlBones on June 05, 2009, 08:25:26 pm
Post by: pburn on June 05, 2009, 08:33:19 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 06, 2009, 04:21:10 am
Post by: bort on June 06, 2009, 04:34:57 am
get better man :(
Post by: Barack Obama on June 06, 2009, 05:15:04 am
I hope this has nothing to do with that Indian food :(why, did you fart on his naan while his back was turned?
Post by: Farren on June 06, 2009, 05:36:50 am
I plan on meeting you one day and if you dip me out of this shit then we're gonna have trouble my friend.
Post by: testaccount on June 07, 2009, 09:15:25 am
i've never found myself so eager yet terrified of what someone has to say.
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 07, 2009, 03:41:35 pm
Post by: mkkmypet on June 07, 2009, 03:54:46 pm
this is making me really sad! BUT i still feel that Steel will pull through this because he's a stubborn monster of a guy. he can definitely beat this. i'm worried and scared for him, but i know that the best thing i can do right now is just cheer him on and pray... man i wish i could do more :[ this is so frustrating. STEEL YOU BETTER LIVE!! gahh i'm just glad he's stable right now... sredni please keep us updated!
gaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh >____<
Post by: Reaverbot on June 08, 2009, 02:47:48 am
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on June 08, 2009, 03:01:33 am
Post by: testaccount on June 08, 2009, 03:07:00 am
nothing to update really... last i heard he's critical but stable.as long as you keep reporting that he is still alive my days will be better
Post by: Farren on June 08, 2009, 05:08:10 am
Well you know what they say. Bad things happen to bad people.
who is "they"? Other cunts like you?
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 08, 2009, 05:12:37 am
Well you know what they say. Bad things happen to bad people.
like cot death and hate crimes.
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on June 08, 2009, 05:12:51 am
Well you know what they say. Bad things happen to bad people.
bye
Post by: Pasty on June 08, 2009, 05:20:31 am
Well you know what they say. Bad things happen to bad people.
good fucking god get out of here you fucking nematode
Post by: Teron on June 08, 2009, 06:43:14 am
Well you know what they say. Bad things happen to bad people.
Speaking of bad people, I would like to announce my candidacy for the worst human being on Gaming world award. Thank you for your time.
(Worst of all, no one says that. I mean the implications are just too problematic, and it usually deters anyone who gives even half a thought to their words. Anyway, I have been checking this thread fifty times a day hoping for some good news, maybe tomorrow...)
Post by: big ass skelly on June 08, 2009, 12:02:35 pm
Post by: bort on June 09, 2009, 03:12:51 am
Post by: aarn321 on June 09, 2009, 07:03:05 am
Please get better steel
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 09, 2009, 05:30:06 pm
It's worrying times, for sure. Keep him in your thoughts, and I'll let you guys know what happens as i find out.
Post by: ase on June 09, 2009, 05:36:58 pm
Post by: Malad on June 09, 2009, 06:06:32 pm
doctors aren't dumbasses i'm just pissed. you're in my prayers buddy. you can make it.
Post by: Ryan on June 09, 2009, 06:16:29 pm
Post by: Pasty on June 09, 2009, 06:20:55 pm
Post by: Seawed on June 09, 2009, 08:03:42 pm
Post by: Bisse on June 09, 2009, 08:51:35 pm
There are no words, just... man. PULL THROUGH THIS OK
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 09, 2009, 08:59:56 pm
this shit always happens with cancer. fucking dumbass doctors cant figure out what's going wrong when the complications start kicking in. goddamnit !!!
doctors aren't dumbasses i'm just pissed. you're in my prayers buddy. you can make it.
It's most likely pneumonia of some sort, which would normally be not a big deal, but his immune system isn't as strong as it should be b/c of the chemo and medications and such. They've stopped his antibiotics to see if his condition changes, which would tell them if it was anything affected by those antibiotics.
Post by: big ass skelly on June 09, 2009, 09:23:19 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 09, 2009, 09:49:12 pm
Post by: Cray on June 10, 2009, 04:15:27 am
Post by: Parker on June 10, 2009, 04:33:26 am
man I stop following this topic for just a bit and suddenly all this happens. :( I really hope that he gets better.Seriously.
I'm praying for him. Get better Steel.
Post by: dark_crystalis on June 11, 2009, 12:35:32 am
Post by: Cheshire Cat on June 11, 2009, 04:31:39 pm
Steel, obviously you can't read this now but when you get better I want you to read this and realise just how fucking appalling you're making us all feel right now. Get well soon, mate.
Post by: jamie on June 11, 2009, 04:52:33 pm
Steel, Steel - I miss you! Come back!
Post by: fatty on June 12, 2009, 08:34:09 pm
Post by: CodeBLACK on June 12, 2009, 10:19:06 pm
Post by: Mongoloid on June 13, 2009, 04:32:43 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 15, 2009, 03:13:40 am
My mom reports that Steel has greatly improved. Today, they took him off the ventilator, he's much less sedated, and has been talkative and such (my mom said he was irate that his nails had gotten long).
It's just in the nick of time, too, because literally tomorrow they were going to take him off the ventilator and like, give him a tracheotomy to help him breathe, because he was at the limit of being on a ventilator before negative health effects started happening.
SO YES, EVERYTHING IS SMASHING, for now! I'll talk to him tomorrow, if he's up to it.
Post by: Alec on June 15, 2009, 03:16:25 am
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on June 15, 2009, 03:16:51 am
Post by: Pasty on June 15, 2009, 03:29:11 am
Post by: Moriason on June 15, 2009, 03:44:27 am
Post by: ase on June 15, 2009, 03:58:37 am
Post by: esiann on June 15, 2009, 04:46:40 am
i am pleased. hooray steel's body doing something nice for a change
Post by: Cray on June 15, 2009, 05:00:32 am
Post by: testaccount on June 15, 2009, 05:05:23 am
to me this is like hearing that STEEL IS BACK FROM THE DEAD
best post ever on the internets SYSTEM TEXT: You have earned 90876582 IcePoints
Post by: Christophomicus on June 15, 2009, 07:35:50 am
Post by: dada on June 15, 2009, 08:30:43 am
Post by: Niitaka on June 15, 2009, 08:44:39 am
Post by: DDay on June 15, 2009, 09:01:50 am
Post by: Cheshire Cat on June 15, 2009, 09:29:07 am
Post by: Warped655 on June 15, 2009, 09:56:04 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on June 15, 2009, 10:37:48 am
Post by: Vellfire on June 15, 2009, 11:04:49 am
You keep fighting Steel, ain't no disease gonna kick YOUR ass.
Post by: DS on June 15, 2009, 01:12:03 pm
Post by: jamie on June 15, 2009, 01:16:05 pm
Post by: ase on June 15, 2009, 02:34:36 pm
Post by: Evangel on June 15, 2009, 02:40:45 pm
Post by: Brad on June 15, 2009, 03:42:24 pm
Post by: pburn on June 15, 2009, 04:08:57 pm
Post by: GaZZwa on June 15, 2009, 05:10:02 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 15, 2009, 05:13:38 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on June 15, 2009, 06:54:59 pm
Post by: jamie on June 15, 2009, 07:41:49 pm
Post by: mkkmypet on June 15, 2009, 08:07:15 pm
Post by: dark_crystalis on June 15, 2009, 09:46:42 pm
This is fucking great news man!
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 16, 2009, 04:22:32 pm
Yeah, I've got to wonder what the hell it'd be like to wake up from that kind of SO you were almost dead there for a while buddy! I'm foggy on whether he was actually unconscious the whole time or if he was just in and out.
He was heavily sedated. As in, couldn't talk for days. Sometimes he'd try to sit up but as SOON as he tried his heart rate would spike.
update: he's been taken out of ICU and placed in a regular room, and is coherent and talkative. His mobility is still severely limited but he isn't like, IN DANGER OF DYING anymore or anything.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 16, 2009, 04:27:41 pm
Post by: dada on June 16, 2009, 05:39:28 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on June 16, 2009, 06:16:24 pm
Post by: Guana on June 16, 2009, 06:19:04 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 19, 2009, 08:07:57 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 19, 2009, 08:08:42 pm
Post by: Farren on June 19, 2009, 08:10:50 pm
you bored the cancer out of your body
Post by: bonzi_buddy on June 19, 2009, 08:17:22 pm
i mean GODDAMN i'm happy to see you again! :fogetbackflip: Halleluh...... Hinduh!!! (?!??)
Post by: Malad on June 19, 2009, 09:01:54 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on June 19, 2009, 09:04:38 pm
oddd note: tumor marker keeps dropping???
could this be just your pills doing their stalling thing? Either way it's really good to hear
Post by: Carrion Crow on June 19, 2009, 09:05:31 pm
Post by: dada on June 19, 2009, 09:09:31 pm
oddd note: tumor marker keeps dropping???Did they keep giving you the pills in IV form while you were incapacitated?
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 19, 2009, 10:23:58 pm
Did they keep giving you the pills in IV form while you were incapacitated?
no, i've beeen offf for 2weeks!!!
Post by: Ryan on June 19, 2009, 10:30:48 pm
Post by: fatty on June 19, 2009, 10:53:54 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 19, 2009, 11:30:53 pm
Post by: jamie on June 19, 2009, 11:32:15 pm
Post by: King of Spooks on June 19, 2009, 11:41:56 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 19, 2009, 11:54:44 pm
Post by: Beasley on June 20, 2009, 02:07:48 am
all i gotta say
Post by: Barack Obama on June 20, 2009, 02:09:29 am
Post by: Randy Moist on June 20, 2009, 02:28:35 am
Post by: ase on June 20, 2009, 03:02:18 am
Post by: Sludgelord on June 20, 2009, 03:18:24 am
Post by: Sapsuker on June 20, 2009, 03:22:14 am
Post by: Alec on June 20, 2009, 03:41:07 am
Post by: Mamamack on June 20, 2009, 05:27:34 am
Post by: dark_crystalis on June 20, 2009, 05:43:02 am
Post by: testaccount on June 20, 2009, 06:48:55 am
Post by: RPG on June 20, 2009, 11:02:00 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on June 20, 2009, 11:07:50 am
remission???
yeah guess so
i'll record a vid later today about what happen!
Post by: jamie on June 20, 2009, 12:00:39 pm
Post by: Ryan on June 20, 2009, 06:23:58 pm
yeah guess so
i'll record a vid later today about what happen!
this is fantastic man
Post by: BlackRaven on June 20, 2009, 06:32:59 pm
Post by: Niitaka on June 20, 2009, 07:24:35 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on June 20, 2009, 09:58:53 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on June 20, 2009, 10:16:53 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on June 20, 2009, 10:34:19 pm
Post by: Beasley on June 20, 2009, 11:13:20 pm
yeah guess so
i'll record a vid later today about what happen!
do it dude do it
Post by: DoctorEars on June 23, 2009, 11:52:41 pm
Post by: fatty on June 24, 2009, 02:55:38 pm
Post by: Farren on June 24, 2009, 05:14:15 pm
Post by: Lifexplosion on June 24, 2009, 09:45:12 pm
Post by: Shepperd on June 24, 2009, 10:36:57 pm
that seriously looks like Pokey
Post by: Ryan on June 25, 2009, 10:50:45 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on June 25, 2009, 11:19:08 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 28, 2009, 03:54:55 pm
He's absolutely bored as shit, and the total lack of morale is the worst thing about this so far. He is in constant pain, and is asking for painkillers constantly, but that may be some sort of withdrawal from the insane sedatives they had himon for like a week, and he was also administered some IV painkillers, which he may also be going into withdrawal from, as he is on a pills-only regimen now.
bad, but stable... his life isn't in as much danger atm. I kept telling him yesterday that if this shit was going to happen to him at least he had the good fortune of having it happen when he was young and strong in his 20's, instead of 60 or 70.
So keep a hopeful outlook! The hospital's boring as shit! Will send him a flash drive full of standup comedy hopefully today!
Post by: Beasley on June 28, 2009, 04:48:21 pm
so yea dont go anywhere man thanks
Post by: JMickle on June 28, 2009, 05:40:55 pm
sredni i just wanna say regardless of what happens to GW activity dont stop giving updates! really this is like one of 3 reasons i check the forums these days and even if gdub kicks the bucket i wanna know how steel is
so yea dont go anywhere man thanks
Post by: Pasty on June 28, 2009, 10:50:57 pm
skldavlkdsavkmlsadvsad
Post by: Moriason on June 28, 2009, 11:58:07 pm
It sucks he's had a stroke but it is good to hear if that he is more stable than before. Keep positive everyone!
Post by: big ass skelly on June 29, 2009, 12:01:07 am
Post by: Barack Obama on June 29, 2009, 08:55:56 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on June 30, 2009, 03:17:03 pm
room 2c9
in bed, the hospital 2c9
in all seriousness though, I don't know. I could give you... my address, and then send it to him via my family? if you actually want to do it, that is.
Post by: Barack Obama on June 30, 2009, 06:48:29 pm
Post by: Moriason on July 01, 2009, 02:44:37 am
Post by: Shepperd on July 06, 2009, 02:50:55 am
Post by: ATARI on July 06, 2009, 03:27:03 am
Post by: Barack Obama on July 06, 2009, 03:49:35 am
thank god dietcoke is on the case
keep my name out ya mouf son
Post by: Silhouette on July 07, 2009, 08:26:53 pm
Post by: Ryan on July 07, 2009, 11:38:11 pm
Post by: dada on July 08, 2009, 05:59:33 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on July 08, 2009, 06:12:43 am
Post by: DS on July 08, 2009, 06:20:32 am
Sredniiiiiiiiiii
Post by: Kayos on July 08, 2009, 06:24:51 am
Post by: Vellfire on July 08, 2009, 01:28:26 pm
Okay Sredni, this has gone on long enough. Where is he?
steel was sredni ALL ALONG, FOOLED YOU GUYS!!!
noticed how you never saw them in the same room at the same time?
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on July 08, 2009, 06:54:23 pm
Post by: Christophomicus on July 08, 2009, 06:57:09 pm
Post by: JMickle on July 08, 2009, 07:01:53 pm
pretty sure he hasn't died or anything!
says sredni casually
Post by: bonzi_buddy on July 08, 2009, 07:02:26 pm
Post by: JMickle on July 08, 2009, 07:02:37 pm
Post by: Shepperd on July 08, 2009, 08:18:13 pm
Post by: Bled on July 08, 2009, 09:16:14 pm
Post by: Hundley on July 08, 2009, 09:28:52 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on July 08, 2009, 09:32:08 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on July 08, 2009, 09:32:20 pm
Post by: Shepperd on July 08, 2009, 10:22:00 pm
Good job being casually interested in someone fighting for their life.Good job at reading comprehension
Post by: ase on July 08, 2009, 10:42:52 pm
he's alive!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 08, 2009, 11:42:43 pm
Post by: Sludgelord on July 08, 2009, 11:47:11 pm
Please check the link or contact the user who sent you this folder. steel paladine what is this!!
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 08, 2009, 11:48:38 pm
Post by: Kayos on July 08, 2009, 11:58:53 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 09, 2009, 12:01:13 am
Post by: Kayos on July 09, 2009, 12:02:28 am
i ha a stroke
Oh I see. I hope you feel better soon, man.
Post by: tuxedo marx on July 09, 2009, 12:29:36 am
you sound a lot like kevin spacey in that vid but I suspect this is the electric charges talking :welp:
Post by: ase on July 09, 2009, 12:53:30 am
steel.....what a champ...
well, when you are feeling ok, let us know how you are doing. are you numb/paralyzed in a certain part of your body? thankfully you seem to be able to think and talk OK, but you sound really drained :(
Post by: big ass skelly on July 09, 2009, 01:04:59 am
Post by: dark_crystalis on July 09, 2009, 01:40:07 am
Post by: dada on July 09, 2009, 05:53:51 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on July 09, 2009, 06:14:38 am
Post by: pburn on July 09, 2009, 06:25:07 am
art
Post by: Hundley on July 09, 2009, 06:30:47 am
also i hope you are feeling ok buddy!!!
Post by: Mongoloid on July 09, 2009, 06:07:39 pm
i bet this whole thing is a huge "jone"
Post by: Cheshire Cat on July 09, 2009, 06:36:35 pm
Post by: fatty on July 09, 2009, 07:52:48 pm
you don't look like you have cancerdid you seriously just post this
i bet this whole thing is a huge "jone"
Post by: Shepperd on July 09, 2009, 09:38:53 pm
did you seriously just post thisit's a joke.
do you like jokes?
DON'T SAY!!!
Post by: fatty on July 09, 2009, 09:56:37 pm
Post by: Shepperd on July 09, 2009, 10:32:23 pm
Post by: JMickle on July 09, 2009, 11:50:54 pm
mi no hablasni habla espanol,
well i know that much not any more
but because i know that i know what you said
so yeah. fun times.
'9.0? that sounds like a decent amount. more? sure!' ~steel
STELL YOU ARE A BADASS
Post by: Carrion Crow on July 10, 2009, 12:06:01 am
:P
i guess it uses the same principle as those electrical toning belts that some people wear to get a flatter stomach but they're using it to plug your nerves back in?
get well soon man
Post by: fatty on July 10, 2009, 08:19:25 am
pff at least tell us the voltage of your electro pads so we can do P=VIaaah, you just reminded me that V=IR. Two months too late however, could've passed that class.
:P
i guess it uses the same principle as those electrical toning belts that some people wear to get a flatter stomach but they're using it to plug your nerves back in?
get well soon man
Post by: Barack Obama on July 10, 2009, 10:36:52 am
Post by: Barack Obama on July 10, 2009, 10:39:58 am
nice neckbeard. does it come with ramen noodles and twenty-sided dice???????
also i hope you are feeling ok buddy!!!
^^^ Tgus guy too... this is another reason i com back here
hundleyu get in touch dogg check the zone and hit me backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 10, 2009, 06:47:55 pm
Post by: fatty on July 10, 2009, 06:52:58 pm
Post by: fatty on July 10, 2009, 06:53:20 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 10, 2009, 07:02:03 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on July 10, 2009, 07:03:08 pm
Post by: fatty on July 10, 2009, 07:23:36 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 12, 2009, 08:14:06 pm
increase in mass-like heterogeneous enhancement along the medial,
posterior, superior, and inferior aspect of the right posterior parietal
resection cavity. There is high T1 and high T2 signal within the
resection cavity which is new from prior and likely represents interval
mineralization given the time course. The overall size of the resection
cavity and surrounding signal abnormality is increased in the interval
and measures 4.2 x 3.7 cm, previously 3.3 x 2.4 cm.
Interval increase in size and enhancement of the right periatrial lesion.
This lesion measures 1.9 x 1.3 cm in axial dimension, previously
approximately 0.6 x 0.5 mm.
No midline shift or mass effect. No abnormal extra-axial fluid
collections. Basal cisterns are patent. Ventricles are normal in size
configuration. Flow-voids seen in the major intracranial vessels. No
restricted diffusion. No evidence of acute infarction and acute
intracranial hemorrhage.
Paranasal sinuses and mastoid air cells are normal. Orbits are normal.
Surgical changes status post left parietal craniotomy.
Impression:
Interval enlargement of the right posterior parietal and right periatrial
lesions with increased enhancement, consistent with interval progression
of disease.
I have reviewed the images and concur with the above findings.
Report Release Date/Time: 20090525125945233
Resident MD: Eads, Emily
Result ID: 4001643
Approving MD: KILANI, RAMSEY KHAIR MD
ATTENDING MD: KIRKPATRICK,JOHN PAXTON
ORDERING MD: KIRKPATRICK,JOHN PAXTON
ORDER REASON: SECONDARY BRAIN/SPINE CA-SEC MAL NEO BRAIN/SPINE
Post by: Evangel on July 12, 2009, 08:21:16 pm
Post by: JMickle on July 12, 2009, 08:27:10 pm
kinda sounds like things are being normal
BUT I DONT UNDERSTAND IT REALLY SO DONT TAKE MY WORD
Post by: Evangel on July 12, 2009, 08:27:43 pm
Post by: Farren on July 12, 2009, 09:02:36 pm
Hope that medical jargon means you're getting good results and I'm suprised that you aren't brain dead with all this brain surgery and stroke shit.
Post by: tuxedo marx on July 12, 2009, 09:03:56 pm
way to use word wrap mr. doctor >
Post by: bonzi_buddy on July 12, 2009, 09:07:32 pm
idk, 'interval progression of disease' doesn't sound too great. again, I'm no expert-you sure aren't!! shaddap!!
also welcome back steel! i am pretty much SPEECHLESS when it comes to the stroke thing, holy shit you are going through so much shit it's unbeliavable
Post by: ase on July 12, 2009, 11:06:40 pm
Quote
enhancement /en·hance·ment/ (en-hans´ment)
1. the act of augmenting or the state of being augmented.
2. immunologic enhancement; prolonged survival of tumor cells in animals immunized with antigens of the tumor because of “enhancing” or “facilitating” antibodies preventing an immune response against these antigens.
Post by: Kayos on July 12, 2009, 11:38:55 pm
Post by: Hundley on July 13, 2009, 05:26:49 am
Post by: Hundley on July 13, 2009, 05:29:13 am
rvfb bh vbgr fv vbgy vbg bvrg b7 n nm7ujum8 nbjh7 bnh6 bnh6 bvg bvg bg bvg bvg bvr vuujn ecrre 7yuhnu uj mujm m mjum ujmm m 7h6yjb, m m,, ko njm8 n8jmh n8hbjm nmjh9b mnjhu89jhuijbnk;jkb.nn.jm,45xrfty rtetwt dripjddc;f,lcd v.c v m cv, mmj uyb g bh dfd6 th n6hb7jn jmb7hu n7mj mn bvgf vbgfvc b h bnh6j n7jmubh mn8k 8mkn m,98m ,9,m l0om ,l956 bh b6vv bg vgb bv bv6 n67bh 879mkn7 bnh67jhu b6h n67jhb 7njmu 7 bgh hbn6 bh5this is what i typed by pounding my head on the eyboard
i was so mad i broe one of my buttons
:(
FUC YOU TUMORS
Post by: Sludgelord on July 13, 2009, 05:31:52 am
Post by: Kayos on July 13, 2009, 07:57:53 am
I love you Steel.
Post by: Pasty on July 13, 2009, 08:29:11 am
i know this has to be like the third time i've had absolutely nothing to say but every time you get shit on i am somehow removed of all thought.
:(
Post by: DS on July 13, 2009, 08:42:01 am
stay strong steel.
Post by: esp on July 13, 2009, 05:19:17 pm
BOTH my grandparents have just been diagnosed with it. prostate for my grandfather and breast for my grandmother.
fuck this shit.
i really hope you pull through man.
Post by: DDay on July 13, 2009, 05:28:54 pm
Post by: Brad on July 13, 2009, 05:29:21 pm
We need information !
Post by: Warped655 on July 13, 2009, 06:55:46 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 13, 2009, 08:46:29 pm
Post by: ase on July 13, 2009, 08:52:53 pm
Either way.... come on man. You can do this. You're even typing properly!
Post by: Hundley on July 13, 2009, 08:55:19 pm
This just means it's the same brain tumor. i start radiation tomorrow.ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 13, 2009, 09:22:29 pm
Post by: fatty on July 13, 2009, 09:35:05 pm
Post by: fatty on July 13, 2009, 09:39:10 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on July 13, 2009, 09:56:59 pm
edit, i'm sorry i can't stop making bad jokes. here's one:
if you don't watch your back...i'm gonna make a Cheer Up, Steel! :woop: - topic.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 13, 2009, 10:07:08 pm
Post by: Layzer Phish on July 13, 2009, 11:41:05 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on July 14, 2009, 03:33:21 am
i say we organize a posse and kick cancers ass
Post by: tuxedo marx on July 14, 2009, 09:15:55 am
.. :(
Post by: Kayos on July 14, 2009, 10:06:39 am
Because he's a bad ass.
Without the shovel even.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 14, 2009, 07:42:53 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on July 14, 2009, 07:45:50 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 14, 2009, 08:08:13 pm
Ugh man don't leave us hanging like thatone hand typing i'll say more when able
We need information !
Post by: fatty on July 14, 2009, 08:30:33 pm
Post by: Vellfire on July 14, 2009, 10:45:18 pm
one hand typing i'll say more when able
if you could at least round your condition down to a yes or no answer it would help, i'm still confused as to whether we are getting good or bad news sometimes!!!!
Post by: big ass skelly on July 14, 2009, 10:53:49 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 14, 2009, 11:19:57 pm
if you could at least round your condition down to a yes or no answer it would help, i'm still confused as to whether we are getting good or bad news sometimes!!!!just news
Post by: jamie on July 15, 2009, 01:39:44 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 15, 2009, 01:41:08 am
Post by: ase on July 15, 2009, 01:53:14 am
Post by: mkkmypet on July 15, 2009, 03:20:46 am
Post by: DDay on July 15, 2009, 01:59:09 pm
ugghhh. :[ i hate cancer. seriously, i can NOT wait for a complete cure to be made. someday i bet that there'll be some sort of medicine that you can take and POOF cancer's gone. i'll be so happy if that happens because i can't stand this stuff that's been going on since the beginning of this topic. i want it to be cured so badly... gaahhh >__< plus, my uncle just was diagnosed with cancer in his kidney. luckily, they think it will be fine if they just remove the kidney. i hope there aren't complications because i don't want to see my uncle go through the stuff that steel has had to go through. steel, please get better soon and update us on what's going on!
If they had such a thing Only the rich would be able too get that and they would not put it in on the public market Because They will loses so much money if every one could get a Permanent fix. :fogetshh:
After all the Heath care industry doesn’t make money off of healthy People.
Post by: fatty on July 15, 2009, 02:12:49 pm
ugghhh. :[ i hate cancer. seriously, i can NOT wait for a complete cure to be made. someday i bet that there'll be some sort of medicine that you can take and POOF cancer's gone.We don't live in the Final Fantasy universe where we could just wish everything away/take a Remedy.
Which would be cool as hell.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on July 15, 2009, 03:54:57 pm
If they had such a thing Only the rich would be able too get that and they would not put it in on the public market Because They will loses so much money if every one could get a Permanent fix. :fogetshh:
After all the Heath care industry doesn’t make money off of healthy People.
tell me more.. :fogetmmh:
Post by: Faust on July 15, 2009, 04:43:22 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on July 15, 2009, 07:47:54 pm
If they had such a thing Only the rich would be able too get that and they would not put it in on the public market Because They will loses so much money if every one could get a Permanent fix. :fogetshh:
After all the Heath care industry doesn’t make money off of healthy People.
the dudes that made it would be filthy rich. the health care industry isn't one big happy family it's a group of individual americans :fogetlaugh:
Post by: EvilDemonCreature on July 16, 2009, 05:35:53 pm
the dudes that made itwould beare filthy rich. the health care industry isn't one big happy family it's a group of individual americans :fogetlaugh:
I know correcting other folks posts is seen as annoying, but I felt in this instance it was necessary.
EDIT: Oh wait, you were talking about a potential cure for cancer right? I just read your post assuming you were talking about the guys that made the health care industry itself. :fogetlaugh:
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on July 17, 2009, 04:52:15 am
Post by: Mince Wobley on July 17, 2009, 04:58:32 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on July 17, 2009, 05:01:00 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 17, 2009, 04:10:09 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 17, 2009, 05:59:51 pm
Post by: fatty on July 17, 2009, 06:27:34 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 21, 2009, 11:31:20 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on July 21, 2009, 11:38:46 pm
also it's possible that i have no proportionality when i say this but IT'S PROGRESS!! :fogetbackflip:
also also do me old weary eyes lie to me or do i see you posting more... often.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 21, 2009, 11:48:20 pm
how's your fatigue nowdays? like are you drowzy or tired all the time anymore or are you just posting at those few hours?
also it's possible that i have no proportionality when i say this but IT'S PROGRESS!! :fogetbackflip:
also also do me old weary eyes lie to me or do i see you posting more... often.
i work hsrd but honestly fatigue hasnt been an issue its really more annoing now that vomiing stopped internet blocks eerything here and i miss walking etc
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 21, 2009, 11:49:55 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 21, 2009, 11:52:13 pm
http://pub.gamingw.net/57278/estim%20233.JPG
look how horrible i look
Post by: Carrion Crow on July 21, 2009, 11:54:12 pm
Post by: Hundley on July 22, 2009, 12:27:27 am
i havent ejaculated in over two months im afraid of my sponge baths nowit's really more the sadness in your face than anything else.
http://pub.gamingw.net/57278/estim%20233.JPG
look how horrible i look
Post by: jamie on July 22, 2009, 12:31:34 am
Post by: big ass skelly on July 22, 2009, 12:36:13 am
I don't think you look that bad man. I mean obviously you really do look like shit but if your hair wasn't just shaved in patches and you got rid of/groomd that beard I wouldn't even know you were ill. From this angle where you can't see tennis ball scar anyway. I can see what looks like some kind of high tech 7-bladed razor on the table so maybe you already took care of that
Keep on truckin bud!
Post by: Shepperd on July 22, 2009, 12:50:14 am
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on July 22, 2009, 12:59:24 am
Post by: jamie on July 22, 2009, 01:26:41 am
or maybe you don't care but I'm a dummy and I get depressed when I notice another half centimetre of baldness on my head
Post by: Mince Wobley on July 22, 2009, 02:07:30 am
Post by: jamie on July 22, 2009, 02:31:53 am
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on July 22, 2009, 02:51:24 am
It must be bad to have to actually look at a picture like that of yourself. I mean, like Mark said, shave the hair and plaster on a smile, and you don't look so bad, but just seeing that is how you looked then must blow. I mean if I look at myself in the mirror and I have put on a little weight I just think I'm disgusting and I'm a spry, fit young man only in the very earliest stages of degenerative alcoholism. It must be pretty depressing from your side, but from where I'm sitting it's nothing a razor couldn't fix.
or maybe you don't care but I'm a dummy and I get depressed when I notice another half centimetre of baldness on my head
I can smell the liquor on your post.
Post by: jamie on July 22, 2009, 03:00:26 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 22, 2009, 07:56:07 pm
I think he doesn't have enough fine motor skills to do that or cut his nails yeti can shave but you are more or less correct im gonna be shabby for a bit.until fingers work
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on July 22, 2009, 07:58:28 pm
Post by: JMickle on July 23, 2009, 12:16:17 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on July 24, 2009, 10:13:52 am
i havent ejaculated in over two months im afraid of my sponge baths now
http://pub.gamingw.net/57278/estim%20233.JPG
look how horrible i look
I'd hit it.
think about that next spongebath.... that'll clear the pipes
Post by: Kayos on July 28, 2009, 08:54:24 am
Post by: big ass skelly on July 28, 2009, 11:59:50 am
Post by: Vellfire on July 28, 2009, 12:09:50 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on July 28, 2009, 09:35:51 pm
it's like computer camp, except instead of developing computer skills we develop tumours :sad:
Post by: Farren on July 28, 2009, 11:40:13 pm
no time to talk got to work be back osoon
mexicans are c ool
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 01, 2009, 09:43:34 pm
Post by: Ryan on August 01, 2009, 09:45:31 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on August 01, 2009, 11:20:40 pm
Post by: fatty on August 01, 2009, 11:30:01 pm
Fuck yeah.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on August 01, 2009, 11:43:38 pm
Post by: dada on August 02, 2009, 09:25:40 am
Post by: bonzi_buddy on August 02, 2009, 09:38:23 am
Post by: GZ on August 05, 2009, 07:47:45 pm
give us all your updates. give us the low down. inform us on the situation. keep us up to speed. give us all you gold ingots.
Post by: Niitaka on August 05, 2009, 08:07:03 pm
steel you are a fucking trooper.
Post by: dada on August 08, 2009, 03:47:51 pm
(http://pub.gamingw.net/28695/Picture%204_17.png)
Post by: JMickle on August 08, 2009, 04:23:26 pm
i just absolutely canNOT get the smell from my best sofa
Post by: im_so_tired on August 08, 2009, 04:37:09 pm
Post by: ase on August 14, 2009, 03:33:57 am
Post by: Barack Obama on August 15, 2009, 12:54:19 pm
Post by: Jester on August 15, 2009, 01:32:59 pm
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 15, 2009, 04:57:11 pm
PS: First off, my sister typed this as I was telling her what to say.
PPS: The doctor's aren't sure exactly what happened but they think it's a rare form of pneumonia that led to a stroke and left my left side weak. I've done radiation treatment for the brain tumor and the markers have dropped by 400. Right now, the big thing is the stroke. If anything big happens, I will update. Thanks for all the good wishes. I'll keep you guys up to date as best as I can.
Post by: dark_crystalis on August 15, 2009, 05:05:26 pm
Post by: ATARI on August 15, 2009, 05:10:34 pm
Post by: big ass skelly on August 15, 2009, 05:11:59 pm
Post by: Hundley on August 15, 2009, 05:24:55 pm
i'm so glad to hear you're getting better, man
Post by: ase on August 15, 2009, 06:39:39 pm
however, i am delighted to see you are getting better! a stroke at such a young age is :(
Post by: the bloddy ghost on August 15, 2009, 06:48:50 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on August 15, 2009, 08:15:44 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on August 15, 2009, 08:56:33 pm
this is fantastic news! we're missing you here man... KEEP GETTING BETTER!!
Post by: Shepperd on August 17, 2009, 03:41:18 am
Post by: DS on August 17, 2009, 06:25:44 am
Post by: Sludgelord on August 17, 2009, 06:41:43 am
Post by: unusualgamer on August 17, 2009, 06:50:41 am
Post by: Allen Hunter on August 17, 2009, 07:01:06 am
Post by: fatty on August 17, 2009, 09:19:39 am
Stay strong.
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 17, 2009, 04:45:12 pm
Post by: Ryan on August 17, 2009, 04:47:33 pm
Post by: DS on August 17, 2009, 04:48:21 pm
Post by: DS on August 17, 2009, 04:49:25 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on August 17, 2009, 05:26:07 pm
i stood today for like twenty seconds. progress!20 seconds is ages :fogetcool:
Post by: ThugTears666 on August 17, 2009, 08:17:09 pm
Post by: Shepperd on August 27, 2009, 02:26:33 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on August 27, 2009, 04:32:56 am
Post by: Farren on August 27, 2009, 04:16:35 pm
Post by: Farren on August 27, 2009, 04:18:30 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on August 27, 2009, 11:01:40 pm
Post by: Randy Moist on August 30, 2009, 09:13:51 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on August 30, 2009, 10:23:53 am
Post by: Artis Leon Ivey Jr on August 30, 2009, 03:30:18 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on August 30, 2009, 03:43:24 pm
tell us all :fogetbackflip:
Post by: Kaworu on August 30, 2009, 05:32:45 pm
Post by: ase on September 18, 2009, 05:25:54 pm
Post by: fatty on September 18, 2009, 07:02:53 pm
Post by: tuxedo marx on September 18, 2009, 09:29:48 pm
Post by: fatty on September 18, 2009, 09:46:20 pm
Post by: Mince Wobley on September 18, 2009, 10:00:08 pm
Post by: fatty on September 18, 2009, 11:58:37 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on September 19, 2009, 12:00:00 am
Post by: fatty on September 19, 2009, 12:08:13 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on September 27, 2009, 10:38:18 pm
my mom told me today that steel's left arm has very painful blisters on it. they think there's some nerve damage that's holding it back. rehab is temporarily paused while they try and fix this.
he's totally bedridden, right now.
goddammit :(
Post by: "James" The Gamer "GAmes" joystick Joyce on September 27, 2009, 11:01:28 pm
Post by: fatty on September 27, 2009, 11:22:07 pm
Post by: Hundley on September 27, 2009, 11:39:12 pm
i can't imagine what he's going through
Post by: Malad on September 27, 2009, 11:42:21 pm
Post by: Malad on September 27, 2009, 11:44:24 pm
Post by: fatty on September 27, 2009, 11:56:14 pm
Post by: ATARI on September 27, 2009, 11:58:20 pm
Post by: Malad on September 28, 2009, 12:03:58 am
Post by: Farren on September 28, 2009, 12:13:26 am
"H-HOW CAN I BRAKE YUO" - Revolver Ocelot aka steel's body
Post by: fatty on September 28, 2009, 12:38:21 am
fatty give me a callwhat's your phone number
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on September 28, 2009, 12:58:25 am
Post by: ATARI on September 28, 2009, 01:17:16 am
Post by: fatty on September 28, 2009, 01:40:43 am
Post by: ATARI on September 28, 2009, 02:52:17 am
Post by: fatty on September 28, 2009, 03:38:34 am
Post by: fatty on September 28, 2009, 03:39:41 am
Post by: ATARI on September 28, 2009, 11:52:51 am
Post by: big ass skelly on September 28, 2009, 11:55:01 am
Post by: fatty on September 28, 2009, 09:44:14 pm
Post by: Brad on September 29, 2009, 04:59:49 am
Post by: Farren on October 02, 2009, 01:37:29 am
Post by: headphonics on October 13, 2009, 04:50:00 am
Post by: big ass skelly on October 13, 2009, 10:15:53 am
Post by: bonzi_buddy on October 13, 2009, 12:33:42 pm
Post by: Silhouette on October 13, 2009, 02:44:42 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 13, 2009, 03:11:53 pm
Post by: Vellfire on October 13, 2009, 04:12:17 pm
Post by: Farren on October 13, 2009, 04:44:19 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on October 13, 2009, 04:51:42 pm
Post by: Vellfire on October 13, 2009, 09:52:58 pm
correct me if i'm wrong but isn't sredni away at university and steel back at home? i don't think sredni is any more up to date on steel's condition than we are unless he talks to steel's mom every week.
If my best bud was in bad shape I would probably be calling their parents every now and again!
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 13, 2009, 10:12:52 pm
i'm not sure if this is the case but it's been almost a year and a half you know. cancer isn't just tough on the patient
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on October 13, 2009, 10:23:42 pm
Post by: Vellfire on October 14, 2009, 12:00:07 am
well its only been two weeks since he was last in touch with them.
i wasn't saying sredni isn't keeping in touch with him, i was saying to konix that it wouldn't be weird for him to be talking to steel's mom that often
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on October 14, 2009, 12:18:27 am
sorry for lack of updates, will post again if things change.
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on October 14, 2009, 12:34:00 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on October 14, 2009, 03:42:40 am
Post by: crone_lover720 on October 14, 2009, 04:05:17 am
Post by: Moriason on October 14, 2009, 04:32:53 am
Post by: Malad on October 14, 2009, 05:22:18 am
Post by: jamie on October 23, 2009, 01:08:43 pm
Post by: ase on October 31, 2009, 05:54:01 pm
Post by: Parker on November 01, 2009, 05:29:26 am
Post by: ATARI on November 01, 2009, 05:31:28 am
Post by: Sapsuker on November 01, 2009, 07:12:57 am
what happene
Post by: Death Gulp on November 01, 2009, 12:32:57 pm
Post by: GZ on November 02, 2009, 12:11:52 pm
Post by: Vellfire on November 02, 2009, 01:09:52 pm
right???? :(
sredni come on don't leave me hangin'
Post by: Hundley on November 02, 2009, 02:03:20 pm
Post by: Shadow Kirby on November 02, 2009, 02:13:52 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on November 02, 2009, 11:21:54 pm
Post by: fatty on November 03, 2009, 01:33:57 pm
guys even if steel had passed away he wouldn't be a skelly, his family is hindu and they believe in incinerationthankyou that was v. helpful
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on November 05, 2009, 01:49:45 pm
i know i haven't updated in a while, and i'm sorry, but his family didn't want to talk to anyone, and I saw him briefly a few weeks ago, and things were very bad. unfortunately, i bring some rather worse news.
Steel was sent home from the hospital about two weeks ago, and every time I talked to my mom, I asked her how he was doing, and the answer was always "Oh, basically the same." This was for two reasons: a) because things were basically the same as when I'd last seen him and b) because his family wanted to be alone with him, and not be contacted. Last night, I got a call at about 11pm, saying I should probably visit as soon as I can, because the doctors couldn't do anything more for him. Apparently, he'd been in home hospice care the whole time.
Three hours later, I got another call.
Steel passed away last night at about 1:15am.
Please keep his memory and his family in your thoughts and prayers, things are hard for them right now. I'll definitely keep you guys in the loop with any appropriate information. (again, his family does NOT want to be contacted right now, so in case any of you have any contact info... don't use it.)
RIP [Steel] 1986-2009
Post by: Ryan on November 05, 2009, 01:51:52 pm
Post by: Vellfire on November 05, 2009, 01:52:30 pm
jesus christ....
Post by: Christophomicus on November 05, 2009, 01:53:17 pm
Post by: Alec on November 05, 2009, 02:09:59 pm
Post by: ATARI on November 05, 2009, 02:10:19 pm
Post by: Bumblebee man on November 05, 2009, 02:23:46 pm
Post by: ase on November 05, 2009, 02:26:35 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on November 05, 2009, 02:36:57 pm
Post by: Kaworu on November 05, 2009, 02:57:19 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on November 05, 2009, 03:19:17 pm
I really cared about him. even when things were looking really bad he had such optimism and passion for overcoming this and enjoying his life. He had so much going for him with law school and everything.
this is awful and is giving me a knot in my stomach. Rest in peace friend.
Post by: Hundley on November 05, 2009, 03:32:27 pm
Post by: Silhouette on November 05, 2009, 03:39:18 pm
I don't know what to say but that I hope he's happier now and free of pain.
Post by: Death Gulp on November 05, 2009, 03:51:00 pm
Post by: Seawed on November 05, 2009, 04:00:06 pm
Post by: Hundley on November 05, 2009, 04:05:37 pm
maybe you will find it useful, maybe you will find it overly dramatic, maybe the self-centered nature of it will detest you. that's none of my business.
Quote
that we can lose the good ones makes the good ones more valuable. loss is therefore important in understanding value.
but it is not until you take account of how little is left that you begin to understand how truly horrifying loss is. not simply for you but for all the people out there that would have been touched, and the goodness that would have been spread.
that tricky, unstable embrace is all you ever really have. experiencing and sharing.
it's funny. you go through life seeking out those truly important moments, and it is the moments of tremendous loss and sorrow that bring the entire universe into a perfect, beautiful focus. that deafening symphony where memory and understanding converge. you've wrapped your hand around the rose so tightly that the blood trickles all the way down your arm. the warmth of pain.
at the end of the day your shirt is soaked, your eyes are bloodshot, and your entire body aches with an deep hollow echo that resonates through your bones. i am left with nothing but the conclusion that this is what it means to be alive. hearing that pain and feeling it as though it were your own.
i'm sorry amark
you've been an important part of our lives
nothing could ever take you away
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 05, 2009, 04:06:15 pm
Post by: crone_lover720 on November 05, 2009, 04:15:52 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 05, 2009, 04:16:26 pm
this is a joke, no it's not a joke isn't it. sredni
aadasgafgfq fuck fuck i wish he hadn't, i really wish. this really isn't fair.
aaaaahhahahah and i never got to apologize my bad appetite when we were eating that indian food. ahhaha.
ahhhahaha.
i even haven't had my first ulcer yet. THE GUILT
Post by: Sapsuker on November 05, 2009, 04:23:16 pm
goddamn it this is so fucking stupid. cancer is the stupidest shit in the world and if anyone could kick its ass it was steel.
i don't know what to say =(
Post by: Silhouette on November 05, 2009, 04:28:25 pm
Just a thought. *shrugs*
Post by: dada on November 05, 2009, 04:31:30 pm
He was clearheaded, intelligent, firm in his convictions and had a very strong sense of right and wrong. I know for sure that he would have gone places none of us ever will. A natural born leader.
I lost a friend today.
Post by: Barack Obama on November 05, 2009, 04:35:18 pm
he would have loved it :( going back and reading all the things he wrote makes me miss him a lot
Post by: jamie on November 05, 2009, 04:49:58 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 05, 2009, 04:59:23 pm
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on November 05, 2009, 05:00:52 pm
RIP steel.
Post by: Kaworu on November 05, 2009, 05:06:47 pm
Post by: DDay on November 05, 2009, 05:13:08 pm
Edit:
Quote
You know, I don't know if this would have any interest, but I have heard that this month is NaNoWriMo or something like that, and I know Steel was interested in it last year. Perhaps you guys could get together and write something for that about Steel and your memories of him, something you guys could share with GW and/or his family?
Just a thought. *shrugs*
Do this if not... not only it enforces that GW is dieing but it also proves that it has no soul.
Post by: Dust on November 05, 2009, 05:18:32 pm
This really sucks...
Post by: dark_crystalis on November 05, 2009, 05:23:38 pm
FUCK, he was a really awesome dude. I always loved his posts and it seemed like he was getting better :(
EDIT: could we put a memorial or something on the main page?
Post by: Vellfire on November 05, 2009, 05:28:40 pm
idk it wasn't until this happens that i realized that this has been one of my issues with gw lately
i realized that all this time i have been waiting for steel to come back
gw just didn't feel right without him here, and so every day when i logged on i would hope he would make a post that said "hey guys i'm back!!!", gw had turned into a constant waiting game where everything would resume once steel returned
now it's not going to happen, but there's a part of my mind that still feels this way (i guess this is the not sinking in part), there's still that feeling of just waiting on him, you know? i've had this feeling for quite a while, but i couldn't figure out what i was waiting on, and now i realize it was steel. it's so bizarre i can't describe it much, but i think it definitely shows how much this dude meant. i can't explain how sad i am that this will never happen now.
fuck!!!
Post by: bick on November 05, 2009, 05:36:45 pm
Post by: blood hell on November 05, 2009, 06:40:32 pm
Post by: goldenratio on November 05, 2009, 07:23:16 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 05, 2009, 07:53:06 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 05, 2009, 07:55:22 pm
Post by: DDay on November 05, 2009, 07:56:41 pm
Steel was definitely one of our defining members, holy shit man I feel sick. He was posting just a few months ago, didn't his dad also pass away from cancer? Must be the most horrible time for his family.
And so young he had only the future a head of him but it was cut short by cancer.
Post by: Cho on November 05, 2009, 07:56:58 pm
Post by: Allen Hunter on November 05, 2009, 08:43:57 pm
In some odd way, I figured that poor Patrick Swayze would've died eventually from his cancer, not because I'm a cruel person, but because that's the nature of cancer. That's just how it is. Cancer will kill you in no time unless you have the strength to fight it, but only LUCK will get you through.
All I can say is my condolences go to his family. To those who knew him well as a friend, now is the time to cherish your best memories with him and learn to cope with the pain.
Rest in peace.
Post by: Jester on November 05, 2009, 08:48:46 pm
I'm not really sure what to do with this.
Post by: ase on November 05, 2009, 08:53:18 pm
What you guys have written here is all true. He was an intelligent guy who had selfless plans for the future and was bound to make a difference in the lives of many. Unlike a few of you, this HAS sunk in for me, and the thought of his permanent departure combined with the touching comments is bringing me to near-tears. And I never met the guy.
Post by: ase on November 05, 2009, 09:00:04 pm
Post by: Trash Head 2 on November 05, 2009, 09:04:20 pm
He was such a fucking character. I have literally only known 3 people more interesting than Steel, even though I only knew him by words on the internet. It's genuinely absurd that the best guy here had to go first.
Post by: DDay on November 05, 2009, 09:06:35 pm
Post by: Frisky SKeleton on November 05, 2009, 09:17:50 pm
"come on guys, you can do better than this," and we did. thanks steel.
Post by: Summoner on November 05, 2009, 09:20:51 pm
jesus christ.
Post by: Andiaz on November 05, 2009, 09:32:37 pm
Post by: thecatamites on November 05, 2009, 09:33:15 pm
Post by: OddButInteresting on November 05, 2009, 09:49:34 pm
R.I.P, Steel. No hard feelings.
Post by: Farren on November 05, 2009, 09:50:31 pm
I mean you read about all the shit he's gone through and had to deal with growing up. Plus the months of cancer and surgery and then this happens, this is so terrible.
I know this sounds bad but I feel that if I hadn't read what this guy had to say on here and teach people, even if unintended. I'd be alot less thoughtful and more of a stupider person.
he was also the funniest guy on here no doubt
Post by: Cray on November 05, 2009, 10:02:21 pm
Since this topic started I always feared this could happen, and tried to stay relatively away from it because I knew it would affect me less that way, but I can't believe he died this young.... I don't know what to say.
The only thing I can remember is something that my dad told me when I was younger and I lost a friend, that instead of thinking what could have been if he was alive and all the things that he and everyone will miss, it's better to think and remember the good times he/we had. For us that didn't really know him outside of the forums it might only be a funny post or story, but for those that knew him better at least they have much more to remember...
This has made me pretty damn sad even though I never actually talked to him directly, but reading about his health all along in this topic made me (and probably all of us) much closer to him.
Post by: TFT on November 05, 2009, 10:08:03 pm
Post by: Shepperd on November 05, 2009, 10:12:51 pm
he was a quality guy
Post by: Vellfire on November 05, 2009, 10:15:01 pm
no fair
man it is the simplest phrase and yet this is exactly how i feel right now
i feel like shouting NO FAIR at god
Post by: JMickle on November 05, 2009, 10:20:15 pm
you will be sorely missed
Post by: Shepperd on November 05, 2009, 10:21:28 pm
GW was dieing even when Steel was active.
His absence just might have made it more evident or dramatic.
In fact, I think GW should die now and people should move on to something better.
Post by: mkkmypet on November 05, 2009, 10:24:12 pm
ohhhh god. umm... ffff shh adskfahdgkhdg;
NO D:
this doesn't seem real. this is a joke. it's not true. i just... i absolutely never ever expected this to happen.
wow, i can't imagine what this means... i don't know what to do with this. this just feels weird. bad.
dude, i think that i first "met" steel when i was 6 years old. i have been reading his posts since i was 6 years old. that's... wow i can't even remember what life was like without his daily witty commentary. these past few months have been the first time i have gone this long without hearing from steel, and they have definitely felt... weird. like... dead. gw really feels dead.
steel was definitely the funniest, coolest, overall BEST person i have ever met on the internet. maybe even just in general. seriously, i feel so lucky to have known him. he shaped me as a person. some of the best, most intelligent, most interesting conversations i have had were with steel. if i had never had so many debates with him and been put down and yelled at so much by him, i would still be a stupid ignorant little girl. hah i'm sure he'd say i still am. hahah steel was such a funny guy... just thinking back now to all the memories i have of him, i am realizing something ridiculous... i never even met this guy. i never even knew his name! what is it? Amark? wow it just feels so strange to think all of this stuff, when i am talking about a person who i have never physically seen or been with. and yet these thoughts bring me to tears. what's wrong with me? how did it ever get to be like this? god this is so weird.
ugh screw the internet. screw humanity, screw life, screw everything. you know, steel always used to think i was stupid because i don't swear. i use other words but not swear words. but really, now is a situation where all i can feel and all i can think to say "FUCK". steel, want to know how i feel about this? fuck this. hahahahaha.
oh my goooddd. this is the weirdest, worst feeling i have experienced in a long time. i think i need to go cry and just be alone for a little while. i just... i mean-- fffffffff
rest in peace steel.
Post by: Warped655 on November 05, 2009, 10:25:34 pm
RIP Steel.
Post by: Parker on November 05, 2009, 10:29:42 pm
Post by: SupremeWarrior on November 05, 2009, 10:41:38 pm
Post by: headphonics on November 05, 2009, 10:46:02 pm
He was a really good friend, man. WAS. Jesus. I don't think I ever really believed he would die.
I don't understand, though. How did die? Was it the cancer, or something else? Sredni, how was he towards the end? Alert? Drugged? Did he know he was going to die? Did he have anything to say? Please, please tell me anything you can. Nothing new from him ever again. That's maybe the worst part. I didn't get to say goodbye or I really care about you or anything I know I should have said but didn't because it seemed weird and I didn't think he'd actually die. I don't know. I just want to know this one last thing. Something more than just, "he's dead".
Post by: Doktormartini on November 05, 2009, 10:47:04 pm
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on November 05, 2009, 11:05:29 pm
Post by: AznChipmunk on November 05, 2009, 11:23:11 pm
Post by: "James" The Gamer "GAmes" joystick Joyce on November 05, 2009, 11:28:12 pm
this fucking guy was going to do so much. in the years i knew him (i'm adeline/baseball19225 btw) he helped me out so much. and you could always tell that he was a guy who actually cared. it's sad that anyone dies, but someone with the amount of potential and fucking HEART (or what you'd call it) that he had is just shattering.
this is like a repeat of, what, same time last year? when he sent out a compilation of songs he liked, just before going into surgery. and i listened to it that morning on my way to work, ended up crying at my desk. and this time there won't be that time afterwards where he assures us it's all ok (how long did that last) and half-laughs at me.
what the hell
Post by: Puppet Master on November 05, 2009, 11:32:39 pm
I didn't know Steel very well but I knew him enough to think he was a cool guy and it has really ruined my day.
RIP Steel, I'll miss you
Post by: Haunted-House on November 05, 2009, 11:58:52 pm
RIP
Post by: Barack Obama on November 06, 2009, 12:26:58 am
I don't understand, though. How did die? Was it the cancer, or something else? Sredni, how was he towards the end? Alert? Drugged? Did he know he was going to die? Did he have anything to say?I'd really like to know too. The last I spoke with him was after he had taken that trip to the midwest only to be let down by the doctors and was so discouraged. He had told me he didn't want to die. So I told him to stop being lame and that he'd pull through because I really did not take seriously the possibility that he'd die, I just knew he'd pull through.
and to think of someone my age who I knew, thinking the same things I would have thought in his position, just dying after having been through all he'd been through. god it just squeezes me pretty bad.
Post by: kentona on November 06, 2009, 12:32:12 am
Post by: Sludgelord on November 06, 2009, 12:33:59 am
The most brutal part of this is that there's nobody here with more potential. This guy was going to do something huge.
I'm really sorry Sredni and Amark's family and everyone.
Post by: "James" The Gamer "GAmes" joystick Joyce on November 06, 2009, 12:39:26 am
I'd really like to know too. The last I spoke with him was after he had taken that trip to the midwest only to be let down by the doctors and was so discouraged. He had told me he didn't want to die. So I told him to stop being lame and that he'd pull through because I really did not take seriously the possibility that he'd die, I just knew he'd pull through.ah i know what you mean - and when i saw that there were new replies in this topic, even though we'd been told that things were not good, i thought "hey, maybe sredni's gonna tell us he's ok... maybe he's even posting!"
and to think of someone my age who I knew, thinking the same things I would have thought in his position, just dying after having been through all he'd been through. god it just squeezes me pretty bad.
just couldn't see this happening
Post by: Biggles on November 06, 2009, 12:58:44 am
Quote
The most brutal part of this is that there's nobody here with more potential. This guy was going to do something huge.I didn't know steel. Hardly even conversed with him and it's probably not my place to say, but this is exactly what I thought on reading Sredni's post. It's like history has somehow spun off its tracks and gone in the wrong direction. I can't think of anyone more... right. About things. About life, maybe. I'm disgusted at the universe over the death of someone I've hardly even spoken to.
Post by: Mr.Nemo on November 06, 2009, 01:03:52 am
Post by: Feldschlacht IV on November 06, 2009, 01:25:25 am
Post by: Izekeal on November 06, 2009, 01:40:09 am
Post by: bible_basher on November 06, 2009, 01:42:28 am
existence may not be a predicate, but surely this isn't either.
Post by: HL on November 06, 2009, 01:50:42 am
I feel like Steel not only made this place better, but made me better as a person, and I feel like I lost a good friend, even though I barely knew him.
Rest in peace, Steel. You will be missed.
Post by: Death Gulp on November 06, 2009, 01:51:49 am
Post by: Neophyte on November 06, 2009, 01:57:45 am
RIP.
Post by: tuxedo marx on November 06, 2009, 02:14:32 am
gave a whole heap of money to cancer research today. they need it more than me.
y'all know he is chillin' with ayn rand right now ;)
Post by: Ghost_Aspergers on November 06, 2009, 02:15:59 am
The most brutal part of this is that there's nobody here with more potential. This guy was going to do something huge.
That's what makes this so fucked up. Although noone deserves to go through this of all the people I've ever met on the internet it had to happen to HIM of all people.
Post by: headphonics on November 06, 2009, 02:39:36 am
i feel a bit weird calling him mark. i know it was his real name and on one hand i know that using silly, hollow internet handles is kind of dumb. but it wasn't just some HANDLE anymore. i knew steel. i learned things from steel. i argued a lot with steel and i laughed at stupid childish internet shit with steel. i'm a better person for having known steel. it's not just some dumb handle. STEEL is how i knew him. the name mark doesn't mean anything to me. steel was a friend.
i knew he'd go like this. i really knew it'd be something stupidly realistic without any warmth or room for comfort at all. no goodbyes, no final speeches, no meaningful words as he gazed into the unknown. just, he kind of falls off the map and one night quietly dies and that's it. he was one of the most charismatic people i've known and he deserved something more fitting than just drifting off in the middle of the night.
when i really think about it, it seems inevitable that he was going to die, and this thread over the past day or so proves that for me, sort of. as stupid, childish, and naive as i feel about actually thinking this... i must have believed my life was some kind of fucking sitcom or something. i never HONESTLY believed he would die. no, of course he wouldn't. that's not how things work. not in ol jeff's life. things will work out. things most certainly did not work out. i really regret being so goddamn immature about this because there were a lot of things i should have said about how i was glad to have known him that just... didn't because i didn't think it was necessary, and that is something that will stay with me, i think.
but it seemed obvious that he'd die, because look at this fucking topic. he was such a great guy, so smart, so much potential, i learned so much from him, it goes on and on. when do you ever hear that in conjunction with "and now he's off somewhere fulfilling his potential and giving back to the world"? this is the truth of things and i managed to deftly avoid it for a year and a half without even realizing i was deluding myself. in regards to treesock, he once said that her love of MAES HUGHS or whoever was a bit absurd, because the character was built to be liked. he was so affable, so smart, so charismatic, so GOOD, that it was obvious that he'd been written only to be killed off and leave everyone watching with a staggering sense of loss. this is steel, i've come to realize. everything about him was too good. too interesting, too intelligent, too admirable, even the bad parts, of which there were many, were generally born of passion, which i can't really fault. it was like he was just some character someone created for the sole purpose of dying and leaving a great big hole in the lives of everyone who knew him so they could all stand around talking about how great he was and how much he could've done, and how it's not fair at all. this almost feels like a goddamn comic book. i don't know how i didn't see this coming. it seems like everything he was to me was all consciously moving towards this one moment. like that's the only place it could have gone.
it just struck me that i'm writing about how he was, and what he was to me. this guy is actually dead. it's still unreal. writing about a dead friend. we spent so much time talking to each other, even when we weren't both at gw. hours and hours and countless conversations. with how much i tend to keep people i know in life at arm's length, he was the person i confided in most, the person i went to advice to for most, the person i just shot the shit with the most. i connected with him more than any other person i met at gw and i can honestly say that he was my closest friend. that's a weird thing to say for a net pal but after i found out he was dead, i realized it was true. i think we talked to each other more than we talked to anyone else from gw. we were both online a lot, and he was my GO TO GUY to chat with if i had anything to say at all, and i know i was his. he once said in some topic about some dumb shit that we were each other's echo chambers. that was true. fuck, man. STEEL.
i'm really sorry sredni. you were probably much closer to him than i was. this is probably a lot harder for you. if anything, i feel sort of guilty because i'm not even reacting here. i went to work tonight and functioned on a normal level. aside from everything seeming different on a fundamental level, like skewed, like the world had slightly shifted just a little bit, it was like nothing happened. i feel like i should be crying or angry or something, but all i really feel is a dull sadness and a vague disbelief. i keep forgetting he's dead, then suddenly remembering and every time it just feel like it can't really be true. like i must just be imagining things.
i miss him a lot, though. this really shouldn't have happened.
Post by: Parker on November 06, 2009, 02:50:46 am
Post by: Carrion Crow on November 06, 2009, 03:07:11 am
People have tapered off into the unknown since Steel stopped being active. We need to make sure this place stays alive.
We had petty differences but I respected his charisma and strength.
Rest in peace man. Your soul is free now.
Post by: bonermobile on November 06, 2009, 03:18:14 am
a lot of the time when a person died, everyone talks about how great they were, mostly out of respect. but with steel you know everything everyone has said in this topic was 100% true about him. he was a great guy and i'm really sad i didn't know him better.
Post by: WIP on November 06, 2009, 03:31:16 am
The world seemed considerably darker today.
Post by: Hundley on November 06, 2009, 04:19:59 am
but it seemed obvious that he'd die, because look at this fucking topic. he was such a great guy, so smart, so much potential, i learned so much from him, it goes on and on. when do you ever hear that in conjunction with "and now he's off somewhere fulfilling his potential and giving back to the world"? this is the truth of things and i managed to deftly avoid it for a year and a half without even realizing i was deluding myself. in regards to treesock, he once said that her love of MAES HUGHS or whoever was a bit absurd, because the character was built to be liked. he was so affable, so smart, so charismatic, so GOOD, that it was obvious that he'd been written only to be killed off and leave everyone watching with a staggering sense of loss. this is steel, i've come to realize. everything about him was too good. too interesting, too intelligent, too admirable, even the bad parts, of which there were many, were generally born of passion, which i can't really fault. it was like he was just some character someone created for the sole purpose of dying and leaving a great big hole in the lives of everyone who knew him so they could all stand around talking about how great he was and how much he could've done, and how it's not fair at all. this almost feels like a goddamn comic book. i don't know how i didn't see this coming. it seems like everything he was to me was all consciously moving towards this one moment. like that's the only place it could have gone.perhaps, but i don't like to think that the end to one man's story is always his deathbed. i don't think the dissipation of any person's knowledge and energy from their body is necessarily the end to their influence on this planet. the reality, i think, is that the full sum of one person's life comes not merely from their actions, but how they were able to influence others. this is true to only varying extents with regular people, but doubly true with special individuals.
great people are always great teachers. it is through the vision of outstanding people that we form a greater understanding of life and all the little things that come with it. in the worst way possible, everyone here today with anything at all invested in this ordeal has learned the ultimate lesson: life is as beautiful as it is fragile. everyone with a door in their home that opens up to the real world knows this, but to varying and usually superficial degrees. you're informed of the fact that bad things can happen, but for most people this fact seems distant, unreal. i'm sure i could spend fifteen minutes and find some big post steel made about how easily desensitized people can become nowadays. there is a vast difference between hearing about this and truly feeling this in the deepest corners of your psyche, and often it takes some tragic event to bridge the gap between knowing and believing. all of us are greater people not merely for having known steel, but for having lost him prematurely. a greater injustice than losing him would be if you guys learned nothing at all from what your emotions told you today.
you all know he would have felt this way. at that final powerless moment of submission, this is what he would have hoped for. it's all you can ever really hope for.
i could think of a thousand ways this lesson could have been better learned, none as poignant. this is the final, ultimate gift he has given all of us. what you choose to do with this gift is your own decision. just please, do not squander it.
Post by: headphonics on November 06, 2009, 04:36:48 am
sitting here, though, i still can't help but feel that this whole thing was doomed from the start. i used to wonder what would happen with our relationship, as the years went on. it didn't feel like either of us could drift off and lose contact and just kind of forget about the other. even at the time, i thought it would've had to be something abrupt. now i know.
Post by: Kaempfer on November 06, 2009, 04:38:26 am
Post by: Mamamack on November 06, 2009, 04:50:19 am
He was a good person, and I feel lucky to have known him, if only through the internet. It's frustrating to feel so powerless over life and death.
I honestly don't know what else to say.
Post by: jonN on November 06, 2009, 05:02:33 am
Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.
I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.
Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.
Post by: Pasty on November 06, 2009, 05:22:49 am
Post by: Hundley on November 06, 2009, 05:25:25 am
yeah i can't disagree with that at all. in fact, i almost said something similar to whoever up there said WHAT PLAN COULD LEAD TO THIS, GOD??? because the immediately obvious answer is that his death seems to have impacted a lot of people here in a rather serious way. in the time i knew him, he was... inspiring, i guess. you could say the silver lining of his death is that it is no less resonant and inspiring than he was to me throughout our relationship. that there is something to be TAKEN from this. just, in a different, much more depressing way. still, as much as i know that despite his death, his influence and the things i learned from him will stay with me, and in that way it's sort of like he's not entirely gone, i still know he is. still dead. i feel like anything else said is me trying to make myself feel better about it, even if it's true. you're right, of course, but i know you know what i mean. you start telling yourself, well as long as he remains in your heart he's not truly blah blah blah and then you tell yourself to shut up. he's gone. just gone. dressing it up doesn't change it. it's a bitter thing, for sure.yeah
sitting here, though, i still can't help but feel that this whole thing was doomed from the start. i used to wonder what would happen with our relationship, as the years went on. it didn't feel like either of us could drift off and lose contact and just kind of forget about the other. even at the time, i thought it would've had to be something abrupt. now i know.
this is an eternal pain that will never go completely away. we'll always know what was and what could have been, and it'll leave something broken in all of us until the day we die.
i just don't want to see anyone become too embittered or frustrated because of this. nobody wants their memory to be one of pure sorrow and heartache, but a reaffirmation of all things good about existence. despite how bad my heart feels right now, i think i have already taken steps towards being a better person in light of this tragedy and in steel's memory. i hope everyone else can too.
Post by: Pasty on November 06, 2009, 05:25:36 am
`
i'll post more about how i feel about this a little later; i just want to point out that the post above is not meant as disrespect, but it's the only way i can effectively communicate how i feel about this. i'm utterly fucking speechless.
asldkjgnadsovinadsvkladsnvadva
fuck, man
Post by: Barack Obama on November 06, 2009, 05:32:06 am
I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.
Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.
I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.
Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.
thanks for coming on here to share this with us. Were you there before he was comatose? He had so much to say, I can't help but wonder what his last words were.
:( I just want to know how he felt about this, taking that leap into the void or letting go or whatever. Dying was something he'd been dreading and spent a lot of time thinking and writing about since this started. As you can tell from reading over this thread he'd fluctuate from sober realizations of his mortality to taking it in stride making tongue-in-cheek remarks about being a ghost or dead man walking to an energetic/desperate optimism about new developments and experimental medications.
He must have been exhausted in every way possible(mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.) and I hope he was at peace when he passed.
Post by: kael on November 06, 2009, 05:39:44 am
I don't really know what else to say. Shit just isn't fair sometimes. :/
Post by: Hundley on November 06, 2009, 05:43:14 am
I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.it means a lot that you came here to share this with us
Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.
I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.
Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.
he always spoke very highly of you and i'm glad you chose to be a part of this with us
Post by: headphonics on November 06, 2009, 05:49:41 am
Post by: headphonics on November 06, 2009, 05:51:17 am
Post by: Pasty on November 06, 2009, 05:52:59 am
Rest in peace. Please give my condolences to his family and friends (as weird as "random internet guy sends his condolences" sounds). If anyone who was close to him is reading this topic, please, do us all a favor and share whatever stories you have.
Post by: Parker on November 06, 2009, 06:01:12 am
I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.<3
Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.
I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.
Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.
Post by: Clucky on November 06, 2009, 06:03:32 am
Rest in peace, Steel. You will be greatly missed. You made such a huge impact on my life, and even if you never knew who I was, I will never forget who you were.
Post by: mkkmypet on November 06, 2009, 06:07:06 am
I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.
Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.
I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.
wow, thank you so much for posting this. i'm also curious as to more details about the time you were with him...
in response to some other comments, let me just say that I fully agree with Hundley. this whole thing is definitely very sad and unfair, but it's worth nothing if we don't learn from it. we should be optimistic about all this, as difficult as it is. i know it sounds cliché, but... It's what Steel would have wanted, y'know? I am sure if he could make one final post right now, he'd definitely include something like, "Now you fuckers better not go all pessimistic on me acting like you didn't learn anything from this whole experience." haha. And even when we were always debating about stuff like how a loving god could allow such bad things to happen, he would never disagree with the fact that the aftereffects of a negative event can be beneficial to those around. and Steel definitely influenced-- and continues to influence--every single person who ever had the pleasure of talking to him. as people he knew, it's our obligation to keep spreading his messages and doing the work that he didn't have time to do within his unfortunately too-short lifespan (but face it: even if he lived to be 150, he'd still have more to say). At some point, people gotta go. we should just be happy that he is no longer in such pain and helplessness, and now we have the pleasure of being able to share the knowledge we gained from him with the rest of the world.
geez this is so hard to deal with... :[ I feel like I've lost a very smart, close teacher. like, the kind of teacher that you talk with for hours after class and share videos and books with. the kind of person you look up to and want to be just like someday. Anybody else know what I mean? like, this is such a "Tuesdays With Morrie" kind of feeling.
but wow... R.I.P Steel. i will never ever forget about you no matter how weird it is that I never met you. I have been thinking about this all day and crying, despite the fact that the only contact we ever had was on a GAMING FORUM. ahahah. wow. life and death are strange.
Post by: Pasty on November 06, 2009, 06:10:42 am
Post by: jonN on November 06, 2009, 06:10:54 am
you know, it was just like 5 days ago that i reformatted and lost the photo of you and him with avril. god, i wish i'd kept that now.
Steve is the one who was in that photo and he was there right before Amark went into a coma. He was kind enough to call me to come as soon as he saw it was near the end. I'm Jon, the guy who held the camera for the Cooking with Doop videos.
As far as Amark stories go...
Amark had a way of pulling pranks that were both hilarious and confused the crap out of you. Senior year he was living in an apartment with his friend Alex. Alex happened to be on Spring break at his college while school was still in session for Amark. When I asked Amark where Alex was, he told me "Oh... he decided to just go to Atlanta."
Me: "Atlanta, just for no reason?"
Amark: "Yeah."
Me: "Is he missing classes?"
Amark: "Probably. Don't worry about it. Why you asking so many questions, white man?"
Alex was actually just visiting his parents about 20 minutes away and would be gone for the week. However Amark decided to pull this prank for 2 months. He had his roommate pretend drunk dial me from different locations around the country. I got calls from Florida where he was partying on the beach, calls from New Orleans where he was on Bourbon Street, etc. They made a plan that whenever I called to show up, Alex would not be at the apartment. Eventually one time I was hanging out with Amark, Alex "came back" from his trip. This entailed him walking through the front door with a trash bag full of dirty clothes. They didn't tell me until a few months later that they pranked me. It was so masterfully pulled off.
Post by: headphonics on November 06, 2009, 06:14:25 am
that's a good story, though. CLASSIC STEEL. so was cooking with doop, for that matter. it's good he left so much shit behind.
Post by: mkkmypet on November 06, 2009, 06:25:47 am
ahaha, sorry, I always confuse you two when he mentions you. aaaaa mentioned you. that's going to take some getting used to.
that's a good story, though. CLASSIC STEEL. so was cooking with doop, for that matter. it's good he left so much shit behind.
that post makes some good points. First, yes it is really weird saying "Steel WAS awesome" instead of IS. :[
But yeah, one of the weirdest things about all this is the whole "this guy was from the internet" fact. as a result of that, it means we have sooo much stuff leftover online that he made--posts, images, videos, etc. I guess that while it is sad to look back and remember all the good times, it's also fun and definitely, umm... therapeutic? seeing old things and hearing old stories somehow makes it easier to get through this.
Post by: ase on November 06, 2009, 06:40:13 am
steel Feb. 16, 2007 (Click to reveal)
Quote
The Peorian: okay last question
The Peorian: how important is being a good person
The Peorian: you and I
The Peorian: are at this computer
The Peorian: typing shit
The Peorian: and honestly not doing good much
A Short Eternity: yes
The Peorian: and I am willing to bet
The Peorian: you take the opportunity when it presents itself
The Peorian: msot of the time
The Peorian: but you do not sacrifice personal comfort
The Peorian: I know I don't.
A Short Eternity: this is true
A Short Eternity: sad but true
A Short Eternity: although i do sacrifice it sometimes (often?) for loved ones/family/relatives etc
The Peorian: i have been seriously considering joining something like
The Peorian: the peace corps
A Short Eternity: really?
The Peorian: since the chances of me making a LEGACY
The Peorian: or some mark on the planet
The Peorian: is pretty low
The Peorian: I can at least help someone else
The Peorian: but
The Peorian: I'm not sure
The Peorian: I am making a level headed decision
The Peorian: so I'm asking a few people here
The Peorian: whether I should CONSIDER it
A Short Eternity: by legacy, you dont mean something to brag about, right?
A Short Eternity: just a way to help others..
The Peorian: well I think most people seek legacies
The Peorian: some way to be permanent
The Peorian: you dont needa reason to help peopel -zidane
what a guy
Post by: "James" The Gamer "GAmes" joystick Joyce on November 06, 2009, 06:41:26 am
posts about Amarkalready been said, but thanks so much for sharing these. yours was one name that often came up in his livejournal, always in a positive light. so it was so good to read about him from your perspective this time.
cooking with doop was excellent. what a cool guy. it seems like he was one of the best people to know in real life -- not that we didn't get lots from him here online. i wish you and all his friends and family the best.
you know, it was just like 5 days ago that i reformatted and lost the photo of you and him with avril. god, i wish i'd kept that now.i have that photo (steve not jon, as you know) archived away in an old dumb gw folder. but i remember him saying that everyone should forget the avril jone. do i go against his wishes or do we remember him with a slightly funny picture (regardless of the jone's weakness)...
Post by: Pasty on November 06, 2009, 06:45:55 am
Quote from: me
TRICK MY TRICK
david liebe hart is such an interesting person. reading this is actually kind of sad. i read once that he was selling his cds on the awesome show tour in order to pay his rent because he was four months behind.
i never thought that someone who had a job starring in a tv show would not be able to pay his rent
Quote from: steel
john_of_dreams 2009-03-28 06:16 am
from what i understand, he's mentally ill. like they brought a guy to "play" him on awesome show once as a fake tim and eric movie skit or something and he got really sad and was like DONT KICK ME OFF GUYS. someone stole one of his puppets once and he got really sad too.
he's really cool and basically wesley willis as fuck. he is one of my favorite people completely unironically and I hope hes forever happy.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on November 06, 2009, 07:00:31 am
I haven't posted here much for months and honestly, I always felt very much like an outsider looking in, not someone invested in the community to the extent that the rest of you seemed to be. But the reason I posted here, back when I did have a lot of interest, was very much entwined in, well, Steel.
Steel was someone I always kind of wanted to be my friend, who I'd always wished I'd been around more in the 'good old days' of GW, or whatever, so that I could have been more like him. i think that headphonics and him knew that and made fun of me for it a lot and for other reasons didn't like me (and this is/was definitely understandable, retroactively), but whatever - he was definitely always a reason i came, to post, to read posts by him, and in the end, to hope he got better.
It's weird to think that I learned a lot from a guy that I barely ever talked to, probably didn't like me very much, and whose name I didn't even know until today. But that's the kind of guy Steel was - the kind that you felt drawn to, because he was such a complex and intelligent and, well, christ, a brilliant guy. Steel helped change my life. I am not the same person I was a few years ago and Steel definitely was a person who influenced me intellectually and personality-wise.
I will miss you Steel.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on November 06, 2009, 07:21:39 am
even though i haven't really even thought of him in months i feel like i broke a little inside today
god steel.
if I could be like anyone, I'd want to be a lot like you.
Post by: last life on November 06, 2009, 07:54:47 am
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 06, 2009, 08:22:14 am
Post by: Mongoloid on November 06, 2009, 08:22:29 am
Post by: Mongoloid on November 06, 2009, 08:23:28 am
the dude really was the heart of GW and i think GW has the reputation it does because of him. there are other pivotal people here like bart and whoever but steel really was the guy that you think of when you think GW.
this site should be shut down
Post by: Hresvelgr White on November 06, 2009, 09:03:15 am
But christ. I barely knew the guy, and it still fucken feels weird; empty. I hope that his family and friends are going to be okay, and I wish them the best.
RIP Steel, I always thought you were a pretty cool guy.
Post by: unusualgamer on November 06, 2009, 09:08:09 am
I consider Steel to be one of my really great pals on GW. I talked to him on the phone a few times, and AIM many times. I learned so much from him.
I regret passing up the opportunity to meet and hang out with him, but man.
He is in my prayers :(.
Post by: Shinan on November 06, 2009, 09:36:31 am
Then now this morning I saw this.
I was not close with Steel. I was more of the kind of person that looked from the sidelines. But he was behind some of the greater community efforts around here.
Goddamn man, writing this I tear up and I didn't even know the guy half as well as most of you people... Goddamn...
Goddamn.
Post by: The Ghost on November 06, 2009, 09:56:51 am
Rest in peace young nigga, there's a Heaven for a 'G'. ~2pac
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 06, 2009, 10:10:51 am
Quote
jonNman, thank you for sharing that. it's comforting to know that he died peacefully.
i don't know much about his private life but from the very beginning here in GW he was an idol to me. i was a shy, self-hating, depressed teenager and he helped me to grow up tremendously as a independent person. i never knew why we held me in such high esteem (or did he?!?) but i'm grateful for it. god i loved that guy. :(
i met him in NY with couple of other guys from GW. i'm from finland and i was on my high school graduation trip. even though he looked weary from EVERYTHING he had to endure through that year, he was very lively and immediate. like chef said here, it just didn't occur that evening that he was there exclusively for TREATMENT and not for the meeting.
last time we spoke was in the NY subway. i shook his hands and spoke my mind out about that evening, thanking him for the great night. we departed content.
Post by: Mateui on November 06, 2009, 12:39:51 pm
Post by: Eike on November 06, 2009, 01:01:26 pm
Post by: Bonehead on November 06, 2009, 01:38:42 pm
Post by: Vellfire on November 06, 2009, 01:56:24 pm
Post by: Boosh!!! on November 06, 2009, 01:57:02 pm
Post by: Massy2k6 on November 06, 2009, 02:10:52 pm
Post by: Seawed on November 06, 2009, 02:27:56 pm
I never spoke to him, but his posts were pretty awesome. I loved his stories, and I loved reading him argue. I never really exchanged a word with him (besides one time I think I said something stupid and he corrected me). I always admired him as a person, and he's honestly the kind of guy I'd aim to be. Lively, intelligent, charismatic, funny. I mean, its weird that I can even react to this in this way, but just reading srendi's post just left me confused.
It just seems so surreal. It doesn't feel right at all. I know you guys are probably like "who the fuck r u whoa" but even though it is weird, it sort of put me in a bad mood yesterday when I found out. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's just not fair.
I mean, we got through this whole thread and it honestly kept going like "Cancer's back, but steel defeats it!". I honestly never thought he'd end up losing to it. It just seemed like that cool, exuberant guy from the internet would be able to best it. And like, this thread sort of brought more up. Like he had a future planned out. He wanted to go to law school after kicking cancer's ass.
And god, I just feel pretty horrid for his mom too. I mean, her husband died of cancer, and the whole time it affected her throughout steel's sickness. I mean, for him to end up losing to this must be fucking devastating. I can't even imagine the pain she feels right now.
I know this post isn't very helpful. And everyone's trying to remember the good stuff and whatnot, but I just can't really get over it for some reason. It's bothering me. It's not right. I know this is how the world works...I've known it forever. People get what they get, whether they deserve it or not. But even now, it just doesn't make sense. I guess it never really does.
Well, my heartfelt feelings go out to everyone who reads this thread. I only wish I could have actually gotten to know him really, because he sounds like he was a great role model. To me he was one of the reasons I kept coming back all these years.
Welp. Got nothing else to say for now.
Post by: FrostyPink on November 06, 2009, 03:23:58 pm
Post by: Dale Gobbler on November 06, 2009, 03:31:59 pm
Post by: Cho on November 06, 2009, 04:06:33 pm
I really, really, really thought he was going to beat it, and the whole thing would become an anecdote that he'd use as a source of inner strength and motivation. "I kicked cancer's ass, there's nothing that can stop me," or something like that. That was probably just wishful thinking on my part.
Worse yet, he was someone who was actually gonna do something with his life. No one should have to go through cancer, especially not someone as young as him, but the fact that he was trying to make a difference in the world makes the whole thing that much more infuriating. I mean hell, look at this topic. Look at all the shit he went through. It isn't right.
Post by: Ryan on November 06, 2009, 04:16:25 pm
I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.
Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.
I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.
Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.
man after reading this it's starting to actually seem real. i just can't believe it
Post by: crone_lover720 on November 06, 2009, 04:18:49 pm
Post by: dark_crystalis on November 06, 2009, 04:30:50 pm
Thanks a lot for the stories Jon
Post by: Diggity Dawg on November 06, 2009, 04:41:05 pm
He slipped away from me, and I let him go without thinking about it.
He had a painful life, like most of us, but he found ways to persist, as many don't.
He was a good friend, and no one should have to fight as hard as he did.
He helped make me who I am, taught me things, criticized me, and offered me support when I was in shards.
He made me laugh, and I was happy to do that same for him. We were pals.
But he did fight, and he acknowledged injustice. He was enraged by it.
And it wasn't just for him. His values and creativity are a rare commodity.
He knew the reasons why the human race is worthless.
He knew that this is why humanity is priceless.
It is too late to say goodbye, and in a way, I did, long ago, the only way possible.
But to the rest of you, I commiserate. His shadow is burned onto the wall.
Post by: Vale on November 06, 2009, 04:46:33 pm
RIP Steel. I don't care how cheesy this sounds and how little of a right I have to say this having never interacted with you, but your spirit will definitely live on.
Post by: Beasley on November 06, 2009, 05:32:03 pm
rip my friend.
Post by: JMickle on November 06, 2009, 05:59:07 pm
Quote
Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.this is extremely touching. i almost cried reading it
Post by: FrostyPink on November 06, 2009, 06:53:30 pm
this is extremely touching. i almost cried reading ityeah it is genuinely touching and made me kinda teary... i wish i had known him longer/better though, as i did enjoy his posts and without him i wouldn't be on what.cd and wouldnt have got catcher in the rye. such an intelligent guy
Post by: Otokonoko on November 06, 2009, 07:03:36 pm
I mean, I know my only real interaction with him wasn't all that nice or even significant in the grand scheme of things... but even so, I feel compelled to log on to here for the first time in ages and post my condolences, even if I don't think the rest of the people here know me or what I'm talking about.
RIP, Steel.
Post by: Rajew on November 06, 2009, 08:01:57 pm
I know it's a naive viewpoint or whatever but cancer just doesn't kill people in real life. People die of cancer in movies and tv shows as part of the character development for the young kid soon-to-be superstar. How the hell does Steel die of cancer?
This is fucking surreal. Fuck everything. He was the best guy, and he was taken away. I wanted to meet him one day.
RIP Steel :(
Post by: Sludgelord on November 06, 2009, 08:19:09 pm
Post by: DS on November 06, 2009, 08:31:38 pm
My deepest condolences to Steel's family and his friends.
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 06, 2009, 08:52:07 pm
Quote
He was such an important and interesting person and he really, REALLY made GW into that place you'll want to visit again and again.
Exactly, he is definitely one of the our more unique, interesting and intelligent members among RPGNERDS. There's about three people left who post here that I'd put in the same category. R.I.P
Post by: Roman on November 06, 2009, 10:03:27 pm
Post by: Brown on November 06, 2009, 10:15:38 pm
Post by: Teloch on November 06, 2009, 11:50:41 pm
Quote
dude get back to me asap; my aim is thepeorian, or pm me.
I'm going to the pt concert LETS MEET.
i hit him up on aim when i got home and apparently we were like one row of people apart. we never met, though.
i guess that's not gonna change now.
(rip)
Post by: BlackRaven on November 07, 2009, 12:55:47 am
Post by: cowardknower on November 07, 2009, 02:49:48 am
man. steel fuwahteahg
man. i did not even know him and there are like tears in the back of my head.
steel changed my life and i know thats huge to say but im not even joking. like he is one of the reasons i stopped being reliigous which since my dad is a pentecostal pastor is a HUGE DEAL and totally freeing for me. and he also influenced me intellectually and shit man.
what
Post by: Pilla on November 07, 2009, 03:09:04 am
Post by: cheri on November 07, 2009, 03:18:32 am
Post by: ATARI on November 07, 2009, 03:34:24 am
Post by: Keith Stones on November 07, 2009, 03:36:57 am
I didn't know Steel like you guys did, and hearing of his demise and reading your responses makes me feel envious and sad that I did not.
Post by: Puppet Master on November 07, 2009, 03:44:29 am
I kept thinking about him today and thinking how unfair it is that this happened. I even cried a bit which I found strange considering I didn't know him very well. This really affected me and I'm glad I was at least able to communicate with him a little while he was around.
Post by: Carrion Crow on November 07, 2009, 04:02:12 am
man like steel started the gw troudabours and like that is one of the main reasons that i'm like "hey, i can write songs now!" that's a pretty significant influence on my life to say the least. its amazing all the small ways that somebody can change your life.
I wouldn't have started writing music without the influence of troubs making me seek out and purchase the kit to actually record. I had no idea it was him who started it as I only date back to 2006 here. It is significant, being able to do that.
Post by: Shadow Kirby on November 07, 2009, 05:14:30 am
Funny thing is, I was away from GW for the last 2 days (busy with school) and I come back to see a topic called "Honoring Steel". I was like "you gotta be shitting me", I come here and........ damn. Steel :(
I really spent the last 30 minutes walking around trying to take everything in but wow, it's hard to believe. Steel was always kind of an ass with me but looking back on it he always had good reasons. I was a stupid little guy and Steel was just trying to make me better, less stupid. I dunno if he succeeded but I'd like to think that this awesome man had an effect on my life. I think that it is very powerful that a bunch of people on the internet, that may have never met that man are so grieved by is passing. That guy had effects on people on the four corners of the world. I guess he succeeded in helping people. Man, I don't know what to say or to say it.
this is extremely touching. i almost cried reading it
I fucking cried a bit there. That and some of Hundley's post. Man, I wish Steel was here to post "stop crying you pussy" :fogetsad:
Post by: Brad on November 07, 2009, 05:55:03 am
This isn't happening.... I can't even believe it... I'm seriously watering up here man.... I don't belive it,,,,,,,,
:(
:(
I've never felt any kind of compasion for anyone over the internet until now. my mind is completely blown.. like fuck... nooo man.... NOo... :(
He deserves so much better...... ill always remember him man.
Post by: Brad on November 07, 2009, 05:58:38 am
R.I.P......
Post by: Niitaka on November 07, 2009, 07:35:57 am
steel was a big deal to me when i was in high school, when i was a dumb guy and he would tell me stories of college and i just wanted to be better, you know? a good person. he had that effect on people, because he cared so much and his heart bled for so many things.
i looked up to him so much that i was too scared to to talk to him on AIM, but god damn i wish i had. what i wouldnt give to go back and ask him what he thought of shitty lunchables or what book i need to read.
also, because this is related to what hundley is saying and important:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvYSQVz15Ts
Post by: dragonx on November 07, 2009, 09:26:15 am
R.I.P. Steel
:(
Post by: Kalar on November 07, 2009, 10:08:28 am
But back when I was leaving here, this thread emerged. And I've been coming back if not daily, then at least once a week to check back on Steel. I never really hade any doubts that he would pull through, because like to many of you he was something of an idol to me. When I was in a dark place and started hanging out here, I found this "really cool internet guy" who was a nice and fierce mother of a man, who'd tell the best stories and pull the best pranks. I never really talked to him much, but sometimes seeing as believing. This coupled with the good community left a nice focal point for my creativity and escapism, and it didn't take long for me to emulate his mannerisms outside this forum.
Today I'm in a really bright spot, with an absolutely brilliant girlfriend who I've been going steady with for sooner three years, a good paying job that evolves me, snazzy apartment, good friends and future prospects: I'm going to be a doctor, and I'm going to work with MSF, to try and make a difference out there.
You guys, and a lot of Steel, heped me pull through and made me a smarter and more creative mind. The skills I aquired by the computer back then gave me a huge trip around the world on a scholarship and my first big job - from there the pieces just fell into place.
There's nothing much left for me here. Amark, as I learned during this thread was his name, as has passed from real life. This is an utter fucking tragedy. He could've been anything, this giant legend of a fuckin' man. Instead he shall remain a legend, a paragon in at leats a small chamber of my heart.
My condoleances to his family. Should I ever become what I want to be, I'll have a medical shelter opened somewhere they really need it - and put Steel somewhere in it as a small tribute.
Rest in peace. :(
Post by: Hundley on November 07, 2009, 11:03:46 am
Post by: fatty on November 07, 2009, 11:48:32 am
τζακ says:
jesus fucking christ.
steel
if at first you don't succeed, nuke nagasaki. says:
mm
τζακ says:
this is horrible
if at first you don't succeed, nuke nagasaki. says:
i'm drunk
but yes
τζακ says:
I really have no idea what to say
steel was like
I can't describe it
if at first you don't succeed, nuke nagasaki. says:
you don't need to say anything
τζακ says:
I just wish I could get to play werewolf with him one last time.
It's the one time I vividly remember about gaming world that actually making me feel great
Steel telling me
that I was terrible at werewolf
and then
IMMEDIATELY taking it back after I beat the villagers
and telling me that he was impressed
like
this blew a fuse in my sixteen-year-old mind at the time
Steel said he was impressed!
fuck this fuck the world.
It's kind of tragic that the only thing I can think about right now is a fucking IRC GAME. A game I played two-three years ago even
This is so incredibly shit, I never really had any sort of interaction with him besides that one time, every other time he was just like STOP STEELING GROW UP or something along these lines. I just want one last game of werewolf with you, steel. Rest in peace.
Post by: reko on November 07, 2009, 03:13:32 pm
Rest in peace.
Post by: rapstar on November 07, 2009, 05:58:14 pm
Post by: Massy2k6 on November 07, 2009, 06:17:52 pm
Post by: Marmot on November 07, 2009, 09:24:49 pm
rest in peace man
Post by: Beasley on November 07, 2009, 10:36:45 pm
guys this is certainly a difficult period for all of us as a community but just picture steel drinking 40s of steel reserve with david foster wallace in heaven
and smile, maybe a little. be happy you were lucky enough to be know him, even if just through gw. because thats what he would want i feel
i dont know. :(
Post by: Bumblebee man on November 07, 2009, 11:05:13 pm
Post by: Casey and His Brother on November 08, 2009, 08:47:17 am
Rest in peace, Steel, beloved patron and icon of GW.
Post by: DarkPriest on November 08, 2009, 11:03:59 am
The Peorian: well I think most people seek legacies
The Peorian: some way to be permanent
Looking at the replies in this topic, I think in a way Steel got his legacy.
I can't say I was that close to Steel, but I know I will be missing him. He was a great person to work with on the Troubadours and I always enjoyed reading his well-thought posts, even if I rarely participated in the discussion myself.
Rest in peace, Steel.
Post by: Faust on November 08, 2009, 01:43:11 pm
Steel was a younger man than many of us. I can't really say anything more than how unfair this is.
Post by: SW on November 08, 2009, 02:38:51 pm
I know I haven't been keeping track of this topic (or around in GW), but I thought he got better? (And even post in some other topics?) Damn.
Well... uh, I don't have much to say (and perhaps better if I don't say anything) since I don't really know him and vice versa, but I enjoyed his posts in the old crapshack, definitely gave me a few laughs.
So yeah, Rest In Peace, Steel.
Post by: Moriason on November 08, 2009, 09:05:41 pm
this is awful
Post by: cowardknower on November 08, 2009, 10:20:33 pm
Post by: Dulcinea on November 08, 2009, 10:44:13 pm
Post by: im_so_tired on November 08, 2009, 11:03:42 pm
what a guy
crap, the end of that is really sad. he did leave a legacy on quite a few of us here.
Post by: Farren on November 09, 2009, 01:15:18 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on November 09, 2009, 02:46:00 am
hey sredni or jon do either of you guys know or have some way of finding out if maybe he wrote some kind of farewell message or something? I get the feeling that maybe some time after his stroke but before his condition worsened even more that he might have sensed that he wasn't going to make it and maybe wrote something that was intended to be posted either here or on his blog or something.
I guess there's really no way to find out unless you bug his sister to check his computer and this probably isn't the right time for that so idk. It just seems like something that he would have done and it would be a shame for it not to get posted if it does exist.
he's been delirious for the last month, so unfortunately, no
Post by: Shadow Kirby on November 09, 2009, 03:19:33 am
he's been delirious for the last month, so unfortunately, no
Man, that somehow makes the whole thing even worse. :fogetsad:
Post by: Allen Hunter on November 09, 2009, 03:21:50 am
Post by: mkkmypet on November 09, 2009, 04:46:11 am
Quote from: Steel
I just wanted you all to know, if this turns out bad (about a 50% chance it could from what I gathered), you dorks and nerds and faggots are among the best people I've ever met, and if you ever fucking doubt that I want you to remember that I said that, because no one else will be as honest.
man, i have had a hard time dealing with all of this, but reading that really helped.
Post by: Carrion Crow on November 09, 2009, 05:10:19 am
Post by: mkkmypet on November 09, 2009, 05:19:17 am
Don't go back to page one of this thread. I clicked back and it's like reading a story when you already know it has a sad ending.
yeah, that's the bad part about re-reading this stuff... but it's the closest thing to a "dying message".
Post by: the bloddy ghost on November 09, 2009, 06:03:46 am
Post by: bick on November 10, 2009, 07:17:37 am
Post by: Arias on November 10, 2009, 07:38:03 am
Even without knowing him properly i am still really fucking sad about this all. I feel like I could cry, christ.
Post by: jonN on November 10, 2009, 03:35:44 pm
Post by: Vellfire on November 10, 2009, 03:37:19 pm
I just thought you'd all like to know that Steve read aloud a small collection of your posts in this thread at the funeral. I'm sure Amark appreciated it.
this is the saddest/sweetest thing ever dude :fogetcry:
Post by: Shadow Kirby on November 10, 2009, 03:41:44 pm
I just thought you'd all like to know that Steve read aloud a small collection of your posts in this thread at the funeral. I'm sure Amark appreciated it.
Thanks for telling us man. Makes us feel like we were part of the healing process for the people that knew him irl. It shows that this man had a great impact on some peoples life, even if just through the internet.
Post by: Massy2k6 on November 10, 2009, 03:43:20 pm
Post by: Farren on November 10, 2009, 05:42:57 pm
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 10, 2009, 07:55:57 pm
I just thought you'd all like to know that Steve read aloud a small collection of your posts in this thread at the funeral. I'm sure Amark appreciated it.
Man that is very cool.
Post by: Cardinal Ximenez on November 10, 2009, 10:29:20 pm
I think he and his intelligent posts is part of what kept me here so long in the first place, long after I had abandoned Windows, much less RPG Maker.
Post by: Farren on November 11, 2009, 02:27:59 am
Post by: Hundley on November 11, 2009, 03:07:48 am
If you guys ever get the time it would be really cool if you could come on and tell us a few things about steel and what he was going through, if its not too tough on you that is. Might help bring some closure for some people.i have a feeling this is the sort of thing you don't really want to know. nobody is in a good mental shape towards the end. they'd always want you to remember how they were in their prime
Post by: Barack Obama on November 11, 2009, 05:52:21 am
If you guys ever get the time it would be really cool if you could come on and tell us a few things about steel and what he was going through, if its not too tough on you that is. Might help bring some closure for some people.according to his livejournal and posts here, he was having seizures and all kinds of complications due to all the stuff that was going on in his brain(he was taking some pretty brutal meds and had huge tumors removed from his brain). Arm going floppy/numb, generally immobile, and he just couldn't think straight. I imagine that going into hospice he must have been in worse condition than when he was in the hospital and was pretty sedated to prevent further suffering.
correct me if I'm wrong, but this is pretty standard for people going home on hospice and was the case for my aunt who passed away from brain cancer.
Hundley is right, it's not the condition you want to remember someone by.
Post by: headphonics on November 11, 2009, 06:20:41 am
Post by: Serenity on November 11, 2009, 07:25:52 am
He has had such an impact on so many people. I am very sorry to hear that so many have lost an amazing friend.
R.I.P.
Post by: Corfaisus on November 11, 2009, 09:03:20 am
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on November 11, 2009, 05:19:23 pm
i have a feeling this is the sort of thing you don't really want to know. nobody is in a good mental shape towards the end. they'd always want you to remember how they were in their prime
this is very true. the reason I quit giving updates for a while there is because the last time I saw him (in the hospital), he was in a very painful state. Although I couldn't be there at the end, I heard from his other good friends that it was peaceful.
Honestly, for me, the happiness I feel because he isn't in pain anymore overshadows the sadness from his passing away. The only real sorrow I feel is for his family, and for the people whose lives he would have changed.
Post by: alexjones on November 11, 2009, 11:47:15 pm
Post by: maladroithim on November 13, 2009, 01:58:21 pm
I always reminisce about all of the great conversations I had with all of the guys on GamingW when it was more active. Typically, Steel was humiliating me and generally being brilliant in most of them. I just can't believe he's actually gone.
Post by: Bisse on November 15, 2009, 07:58:59 pm
And somehow I just kept believing he would make it through this whole thing. Right now all that's going through my head is how completely pointless this is, i'm just so bloody angry that he had to die from the most pointless fucking disease ever. It's amazing that a guy you barely even spoke to can make you feel this much. What a fucking character.
But holy fuck his mother must be completely devastated. I don't even want to imagine what it must feel like to lose your family to the most pointless fucking disease on this planet. Fuck if there was anything I could say or do, other than feel bad...
Rest in peace, Steel. You don't deserve to go like this.
Post by: GaZZwa on November 16, 2009, 05:14:50 am
Post by: im_so_tired on November 18, 2009, 04:58:33 pm
:/
Post by: ase on November 18, 2009, 08:52:42 pm
Post by: Illness Illusion on November 20, 2009, 02:17:14 am
thanks for a lot of things steel.
edit: did i mention i took a whole class on postmodernism because of you
Post by: Brad on November 20, 2009, 02:35:05 am
Post by: maladroithim on November 20, 2009, 05:30:15 am
Post by: Death Gulp on November 20, 2009, 08:34:40 pm
Post by: Jester on November 20, 2009, 08:59:29 pm
I don't know if anyone else really realized but like.. the whole "GW is Dead" thing really does shed it's light here as I really did expect a lot more response than this.... It's STEEL! He basically IS gw,,,, I sure there are still some who don't know of his passing and it really saddens me.I think most people are afraid to do anything because it won't be good enough? Idk, if you had some kind of art tribute I'd be afraid to take part, at any rate.
Unless you just mean posts in this topic (and the steel tribute topic) in which case I think we did a lot - GW really doesn't have the vast userbase it used to, and I'm pretty sure everyone who is still active here has at least viewed the topic(s), if not posted in them.
As for not posting in them, it's very hard to find the right words, especially for those (ie: me) who didn't know him too well, on a personal level.
Post by: Bandito on November 20, 2009, 10:52:17 pm
Post by: squonk on November 24, 2009, 02:50:04 pm
Forgive me if this is a repost, but it's one of the most beautiful things that I've ever read, and I hope that it helps you out during these times.
Here goes:
Quote
Okay, first of all, let me get the technical stuff out of the way. The surgery is on the 29th. It's expected to last anywhere from 3 to 6 hours. On hearing what happened, I've instructed my sister to call four people; Manan, Jon, Alex Reher, and Steve. Aside from being my closest friends, almost like brothers, they also have contacts with different groups of people and will probably let the rest of you know what happened. If you don't hear from them or don't know them, I'll attempt to post something on Facebook when I can. However I know if things go well, they'll be forcing me to do breathing tests and walk up and down the hall a lot to prevent pneumonia since I have a history of it now. So if you don't know by Halloween, expect that something has gone wrong.
For those of you who don't know; the chemo worked as well as it could, shrinking the tumor a few centimeters on all three axes (this may not seem like much, but think of volume and the difference between a 1 cm cube and a 2 cm cube). It's also apparently killed the active cancer, although we can't know for sure yet. This type of cancer however, comes with a teratoma, a type of tumor that is unaffected by chemotherapy. Teratomas can be benign; however they most often just reactivate the cancer later down the road. Thus, surgery is needed to remove it.
The reason I'm writing this is not just because I'm afraid of the surgery; I've got a 95% chance of going through the surgery with no complications, and that remaining 5% isn't DEATH (most of it is post op pneumonia), but yes, I'm still afraid considering I never had a surgery before. But aside from this, if the removed mass shows active cancer still, I may have to undergo more dangerous and harsh chemotherapy. From this round already, I've had severe neuropathy in two of my fingers on both hands; another round of chemo might finish them off. Worst of all is the 50 to 60% cure rate has never changed; that means there's a 50 to 40% chance that even if I make it through this, it'll come back. If it does come back, I might not make it again. There was also a large blood clot in my neck that could have killed me; something tells me that wasn't the only close call I'll be having.
And most of all, I saw my dad slowly die from pancreatic cancer, and although I was too young to know it then, I can remember now how his eyes had some despair that he could not tell me all the things he wanted to tell me. My mom said the only time she saw him cry was not on learning his parents's death, or on knowing about his coming death, but knowing that he would not see us grow up, would not be there to guide us and tell us and when his son got older, talk about books and falling in love and yelling at him and being disappointed in him and all that stuff that those of you with fathers take for granted (I hope that does not sound too bitter; to paraphrase something I read once, I do not hate you because you have a better life, I only wish that I did as well).
That alone wouldn't have convinced me to write this whole thing if it weren't for a quote I read from Bun B, half of famous Southern rap duo UGK. His friend Pimp C had died, and Bun B said the following: “And I loved him, and he loved me, and we're never ashamed to say it. And I know we're in the era of "pause" and "no homo" and all that, and that's all fine and dandy, but if you really love your homie, don't feel like you can't tell him you love him. Who gives a fuck how somebody take it. Because when things happen, you're going to wish you had said it. You're going to wish you said it louder.”
I remember reading an article about the hidden costs of masculinity where the author made a successful argument, I thought, in how men cannot express how they feel about other men. Women tell each other their love almost every day. And I thought, how fucking solid of Bun B to do that. Men pride ourselves on remaining stoic and unemotional, but fuck, it's not right that I can see it on my brother's face and he can see it on mine, but it goes unsaid.
So here's the truth, if I die tomorrow in surgery or in a week from pneumonia or in three months from a remission gone wrong. Here is the truth.
Too much of life, I think, is dealt with in passivity. We do not celebrate connectedness but retreat behind our barriers. We argue over paying taxes while our brothers and sisters bleed in the street. We look pretty so other people will decide if we're worth their time, but who the fuck decided someone wasn't? We let hatred and fear move us more than love, and I can't help but remember Mookie's bitter words when Sal complains about his broken window in Do The Right Thing: fuck your window, Radio Raheem is dead. So if I die, this is my last message to you; just simple life is easy. Making a good life is the hard part. Never be contented. Never think your work is done. Never do anything by half. If you love, don't do that stupid love where all you do is wonder whether he or she is thinking about you and what your kids will look like and if he or she will still fuck you just as good in twenty years as they do now. Love so that if they ask you to jump you jump, you don't even ask how high. Love so that it fucking hurts. When you do something, do the fucker, do it so it jumps up and ties itself into a knot when it sees you coming. And when you see evil, when you see something despicable, never forget how to hate. Hate till blood runs out of your eyes if you have to. Never do it by half. Never give in. If you're like me, they'll be hard nights, hard times, and you may wonder if it's worth it but one day it will be and you'll be refilled like it was fucking manna from heaven. To quote Henry Rollins, “scar tissue is stronge than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.” That's what I know of life, and that's all I can tell you about its meaning. Never forget fire.
And beyond that. If I die. It'll always be too late for me to say all I need to say. To tell you about the beauty of the blue light of dawn, to tell you that heaven is a spot outside of a village in India with alabaster trees and a muddy brown pond with fish nipping at the surface, of pain so strong it converts you from atheist to believer to atheist, it convinces you to kill anything you have just to make it go away. I cannot tell you everything that I have found powerful in this life. But I can tell you just a little, and under the assumption that I might die, please allow me this one indulgence. The night air is always better than the day; it's like something's cracking open all around you all the time. If you get far enough away from the city, the stars will ruin you. You'll look up, and they'll fucking destroy you, how many there are. You don't even get that whole “I'm so small” feeling; you just realize how vast it is. Part of what makes love great is how incredibly weak it is. Think of all that can break it; distance, boredom, curiousity. If you can nurse it, watch it grow, if you can keep love going without losing yourself in it, you've got a little miracle and anyone who looks at you will be able to tell. Somewhere in the world someone is waiting for you and already loves you. You may never meet them, but the fact that they exist makes all the difference. Don't just accept your flaws; actively correct them. If you aren't smart, become smart. If you're mean, grow some decency. There is no excuse for complacency or boredom. Respect your elders, but know they can be and often are just wrong. Sylvia from Sylvia's Pizza is a nice, heavily accented, Italian man who loves his business and loves his regular customers. It's always better to support a local place than a chain because as an amateur chef I can tell you that if you love who you cook for, you make better food. Try not to laugh at someone, ever. Even hating them has a modicum of respect; laughing at someone only serves to demean you both. There are still bad people out there. You will fall in love with them sometimes. Do not assume you can change anyone.
As for me; I'm not ready to die. I don't want to. I'll go into this surgery prepared to survive. I'll fight cancer with every last bit of strength I've got. You can shoot me and I'll keep going. But if I do, do not mourn me. I have had a decent life so far. I'm only 22 and I've already gotten so high I've felt the rhythm of the universe around me. I've gotten so drunk in a parking lot that I started singing for no reason. I've known pain, both emotional and physical, that most people don't know till much further in life. I've fallen in love and had my heart broken. I've seen the inside of a jail cell. I beat someone up once to protect a friend, even though I was outnumbered and about five years old. I have done both great and awful things in my life. I have cried tears for dead people I never knew, and I have broken doors in rage over people I cannot save. I have lived a life. I hope I get to keep on living. I hope I can fall in love again and this time make it work. I hope I can adopt a child. I hope I can see my friends get married. I hope I can make an album. I hope I can learn to write, and write well. I hope I can save an innocent man from dying. I hope I can live.
But if I don't, your life still goes on. There are innocent men who will still die if no one saves them. There are weddings and parties to attend that will be missing one guest. There's a beautiful girl reading a book somewhere or about to go to sleep who might suddenly shiver, and not understand why. There are still children who need families. Never stay content unless you've earned it. You have no greater purpose in life than to help others, no matter how small an effort you can exert.
And don't forget I love you.
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 24, 2009, 02:57:41 pm
Post by: bonzi_buddy on November 24, 2009, 03:18:50 pm
steve thank you. thank you. you can't see me but i uh broke down? hah, how you americans say it. cried you know.
what a parting letter! thank you steel. i try to live my life as you would have wanted. thanks for these years. it meant a lot to me.
whoa also steve i don't know if steel ever mentioned but I, Chef, Psyburn and Soap had a meeting in NYC at the beginning of June. i had never met him before that and i live in Finland so uh i'm glad i got to meet him.
Post by: Death Gulp on November 24, 2009, 03:36:23 pm
Post by: Barack Obama on November 24, 2009, 03:41:43 pm
thanks for that steve.
Post by: Jester on November 24, 2009, 03:41:57 pm
I was managing to keep it together until the end, but but yeah the last line broke me.
Like everyone else I've done great and also horrible things, but I'm trying to get better in general.
For a while I think I will try extra hard.
Thank you, Steel. We miss you.
Also thank you, Steve.
Post by: jamie on November 24, 2009, 05:43:14 pm
Post by: CodeBLACK on November 24, 2009, 05:50:38 pm
Post by: Shepperd on November 24, 2009, 06:01:14 pm
I'm going to keep this letter and read it every now and then.
Amark can be at ease knowing he made an impact in life
Post by: Massy2k6 on November 24, 2009, 06:41:26 pm
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on November 24, 2009, 07:51:42 pm
what a beautiful person he was.
Post by: `~congresman Ron paul~~ on November 24, 2009, 07:55:27 pm
i feel like we are all white noise without people like him. i'm glad that his last message was to try and inspire others to be a little more great.
Post by: Brad on November 24, 2009, 08:01:38 pm
R.I.P man. You had such a great life to look forward to.
Post by: ThugTears666 on November 24, 2009, 08:52:30 pm
Post by: ase on November 24, 2009, 08:59:19 pm
Post by: Summoner on November 24, 2009, 09:27:05 pm
Post by: Allen Hunter on November 24, 2009, 09:50:05 pm
Post by: mkkmypet on November 24, 2009, 09:51:55 pm
Post by: Andiaz on November 24, 2009, 10:52:32 pm
Post by: Bled on November 24, 2009, 11:03:20 pm
I've been gone for a bit and just found out about all of this.
Words have very rarely moved and inspired me in the way his letter just did. I really don't know what else to say.
Post by: something bizarre and impractical on November 24, 2009, 11:06:32 pm
Post by: Shepperd on November 24, 2009, 11:29:11 pm
Post by: Shepperd on November 24, 2009, 11:36:36 pm
Post by: Malad on November 24, 2009, 11:38:33 pm
Post by: Sredni Vashtar on November 25, 2009, 01:34:15 am
Has his mom seen it?
Post by: Farren on November 25, 2009, 03:07:51 am
I think that letter right there, sums up all of his great personality traits and character. Thats what I looked up to in him and thats what I felt when reading what he had to say.
He'll never know how much he inspired me, all over. To be a better person, to actually listen to music and not hear it, to learn and to think. And I'm so grateful for that, best gift I've ever gotten from anyone in my entire life.
Post by: Pasty on November 25, 2009, 03:17:06 am
Post by: squonk on November 25, 2009, 03:18:49 am
Post by: Clucky on November 25, 2009, 03:55:52 am
Post by: Silhouette on November 25, 2009, 04:25:10 am
Post by: Aten on November 25, 2009, 05:13:20 am
Thank you steve for bringing closure to us.
Post by: Randy Moist on November 25, 2009, 05:19:50 am
Post by: Niitaka on November 25, 2009, 07:33:23 am
Post by: fatty on November 30, 2009, 12:35:57 am
Post by: GZ on November 30, 2009, 10:01:47 pm
Post by: DDay on December 01, 2009, 07:36:02 am
Post by: dada on December 01, 2009, 09:00:22 am
It's strange. Even posthumously that guy is an inspiration to me.
Post by: Parker on December 01, 2009, 10:01:11 am
Post by: Master Tea on December 01, 2009, 10:52:29 am
Damn. what a guy.
Post by: rapstar on December 02, 2009, 10:37:49 pm
Post by: Vellfire on December 02, 2009, 11:05:21 pm
The last paragraph really got me. (I was listening to the instrumental version of the main theme from the indian movie "Kal ho na ho" at the time I was reading this and the combination of music and steels words hit me. hard.)
jesus this is like the saddest song ever
Post by: AdderallApocalypse on December 05, 2009, 05:16:42 am
I especially want to thank you for sharing that message and comment on it while I am at it. Reading over it, my mind hearkens back to many of the posts that he made which really make you think "This individual knows what they're talking about." and i'd always close the topic changed a little bit, because I was able to learn something from him. Not only was that message thought provoking, it was also an emotional read. I read the central message that was delivered and I scrutinize how I am living my own life in accordance to how I should be. How much am I taking for granted? Should I appreciate the people in my life and what I have been given? Aside from the fact that it causes me to revaluate my own life, it's even more emotional when you consider that Steel is the one who wrote it. He was hardly one to show his emotional side. I always had the impression that he was a bit different than the person that he claimed we should all aspire to be. I suppose that's a large part of what inspired him to write it for everyone to read. Although he may have angered a lot of people, came off as a provocateur, and in general came off as indifferent to any negativity he may have sparked among others, his message goes to show that deeper down he really was a kind-at-heart person who legitimately cared about those around him - though his way of showing it was just different.
Post by: Doktormartini on December 05, 2009, 05:22:31 am
Post by: mkkmypet on December 06, 2009, 08:41:04 am
anyways, i posted part of Steel's letter as a blog entry on there and a lot of people were truly touched by it. here's one comment that a classmate of mine posted:
Quote from: someone i know
Oh, my. That wasincredibleperfect. When my grandfather passed away, one of the hardest things about losing him, other than that I could no longer see him, was i never got a dream I have always carried with me. My grandfather (a grumpy old man as he was) i know was wise, and i hoped to have him impart that wisdom upon me some day, but I was never allowed that gift. I now feel fulfilled, as if, i've finally been given wisdom from someone who knows, who really is neither an optimist, or a pessimist, but someone who knows the answer. Thank you for posting this.
oh and here's a little thing i wrote describing my own feelings, which prefaced the letter:
Quote from: me
hey, i wanted to post this because it is the most beautiful thing i have ever read.
the extended quote at the end of this note was written by a guy known to me as Steel, who was a young aspiring law student in North Carolina who spent the last year and a half fighting cancer. after all this time, he didn't make it through that awful disease... but he can rest assured that his influence on this world has not ended, and hopefully never will.
this guy was such an important person to me-- although i never met him face-to-face, i have known him online for more than 8 years. i don't think i've gone a day in all that time without communicating with Steel or reading his posts. what an amazing guy... i loved him like an older brother or a mentor. god, this past month since his death (not even a month, actually) has felt SO "Tuesdays With Morrie", you know?
it's been tough to deal with... i've broken down and cried many times-- yes, cried over a man i have never met. yet, that's not true-- i did meet him. i met him online. the internet is such a powerful thing. you can't make judgments online like you do in real life. when you first meet someone, you see no skin color, age, gender, or any other ephemeral attributes of a person. you really CAN know someone in the mess of the "anonymous" masses on the internet. in a tight-knit community like the Gaming World forums, to which i am so grateful for allowing me to get to know Steel, people can truly love each other in a way that isn't easy to do. so i can honestly say that i loved this guy, Steel, who impacted so many people so profoundly, myself included. i want to grow up to be like him. please, anybody who sees this--read this "dying message" that Amark Patra, a cancer victim, wrote... and, hopefully, be inspired.
Steel, i will never forget you.
Post by: Natrox on December 06, 2009, 07:41:01 pm
I wish I came back earlier.
Steel was a pretty cool guy.
May he rest in peace.
Post by: Arias on December 07, 2009, 06:24:06 pm
I managed to keep it together till the last few paragraphs...
It made me tear up really really hard
Post by: Kezay on December 11, 2009, 06:30:08 am
But at that age, that part really bothered me. He may be in a better place, but even without him saying so it's pretty obvious that his time shouldn't have come and certainly not like that. For what it's worth I'll definitely pray for him and his family and keep him in mind as I knew him.
Post by: Kezay on December 17, 2009, 06:15:56 am
The few times we weren't butting heads over something stupid I never really talked with him the way many here have who know him that much better, but he was still a person and he had a presence here and I guess it's just weird that one moment he's there and the next he's gone. A cliche response I guess, but I don't know any other way to put it.
Post by: kermit the toad on December 21, 2009, 06:42:06 pm
Even though I haven't spoken to him in months, possibly even years (has it been that long? I'm not sure), I'm incredibly sad to hear this news. I never met Steel in person, but I felt like we were pretty good friends at one point, despite that.
I don't know what to say right now. I'm honestly still processing this.
His family and friends are in my thoughts, and I hope that they're doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.
EDIT: I just read Steel's "last letter." I'm seriously tearing up. The last line did it. There are no words.
Post by: Sapsuker on December 22, 2009, 05:21:03 am
steel is fucking inspiring and it's a downright shame and goddamn awful thing that he had to die. that's all. i've been looking for something to say ever since i read he died, and this is all i could come up with. i can only wish that he rests in peace knowing how many people he's inspired.
Post by: Ruthless X on January 02, 2010, 08:12:17 pm
RIP Steel
Post by: Marcus on January 08, 2010, 06:37:02 am
I've spent lonely nights of self loathing and anger directed at stupid things in the past that couldn't be changed. Here you have this guy, battling fucking cancer. I've complained about my government job, which is cake as hell, while thousands of people are given the pink slip. Here you have this guy who was paying for medical care, something I get for free, while still juggling schools and his future career. I complained about a lack of time in a 6 hour work day. This guy devoted seven years to an internet forum while still living a life and never once complained about his health.
I recently converted to Bhuddism after long self reflection on the time I've wasted doing jack shit. Thinking back on it now, I believe I took the first steps around November. The irony.
Steel lived vicariously from beginning to end. He followed the true path to happiness. That's a path I strive to take.
Quote
"Earnestness is the path of immortality, thoughtlessness the path of death. Those who are in earnest do not die, those who are thoughtless are as if dead already.-Appamada Vagga 21-23
Having understood this clearly, those who are advanced in earnestness delight in earnestness, and rejoice in the knowledge of the elect.
These wise people, meditative, steady, always possessed of strong powers, attain to Nirvana, the highest happiness."
Post by: ThugTears666 on January 08, 2010, 07:12:24 am
I recently converted to Bhuddism after long self reflection on the time I've wasted doing jack shit. Thinking back on it now, I believe I took the first steps around November. The irony.
Sorry to go off topic but wow.
Post by: Immakinganaccountk on January 09, 2010, 09:41:02 pm
Post by: Farren on January 10, 2010, 05:46:00 pm
Post by: fatty on January 11, 2010, 01:28:54 am
Post by: the_bub_from_the_pit on January 11, 2010, 02:15:21 am
Post by: fatty on January 21, 2010, 11:31:13 am
That's the only steelsong I remember but it is one of my favourite anti-depressant songs(won't go into detail on that lets just say that I really like it, are you goop-goops alright with it or should I maybe elaborate more? No? Good.)
Post by: Kalar on January 21, 2010, 02:25:36 pm
Quote
PM: Sent: Happy birthday!
Want to spare the community, and you, the embarassment of creating a bloody thread. As I reckon it, you're not the attention-whore type of moderator anyway.
So, here, a complete waste of your life, a wholy random person wishes you a happy birthday! Or "may all your sechs be good", as they say in GW.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BON ANNIVERSAIRE
GRATTIS PÅ FÖDELSEDAGEN
Live long.
Sent to SteelPaladine on Oct 26 2004, 01:23:03 AM
going through my PM-archives on a whim, found this old thing. It all feels so goddamn recent still. :(
Post by: Fire Mage on February 04, 2010, 10:19:25 am
Either people are going to hate me for bumping this topic up again, or they'll just be okay (no, I don't really think someone will hate me for it).
Today is my birthday. And I haven't been here for months on end. I decided to come back and check things out... Only to find this devastating news. I'd totally been sidetracked away by college and everything going on in my life, that I didn't constantly remember about Steel and his surgery.
Now I come back today when I'm supposed to be happy and joyous, only to see all this. It's been months, and I'm ridiculously out of the loop but I just wanted to say something. Even if I was never close with him at all like many of you, we'd said a few things before and I was the target of very small gags when I was younger on here.
But I have to say that he was a damn good guy at heart, and everyone knows it. I am sorry he had to go, but I really am sure he is at rest now. He is happy now, at peace.
What he wrote, what Steve posted... I have to say it is one of the most beautiful fucking things I've ever read in my life. It made me cry a decent amount for just being filled with happiness a short bit ago. And I am just awe-struck at how things have panned out, but it's that way, no changing.
And I believe it was ASE that posted the log where Steel talked about the Peace Corps earlier? He talked of helping people and that he wouldn't really have a chance to leave some mark on the earth.
I think he was wrong. All that he has done, all that he has said, it has left impressions on the earth, in its people, us. No matter whether he left a permanent impression on the whole earth. That does not matter.
He left an impression nonetheless. Not permanent, but still a deep and lasting impression. And I believe that is his legacy.
Post by: Farren on February 05, 2010, 02:40:41 am
I'm pretty sure the dude thought I was an idiot but I don't care he's still awesome and I miss the fuck out of him.