Gaming World Forums
General Category => General Talk => Topic started by: Captain Mew on August 17, 2008, 09:08:58 pm
-
Over the smallest things (my girlfriend and I getting into an argument, my mom saying something to piss me off, or something minimal like that) I get absolutely furious, I start punching, elbowing and kicking everything in sight, and I don't feel better until I've physically released that anger. One time I got angry and my best friend (who I might add is an amazing MMA fighter, he's not in any leagues or anything, but he is really good) let me take it out on him. My friend is 5'9", 200 lbs of pure muscle, where I'm 5'7", 140 lbs of skin and bones and not a fighter at all. I was so fucking angry at everything going on around me and I just channeled it into fighting him and pounded his ass into the ground. I'm kind of worried that as often as I get angry over small things, and very angry over bigger things, and as violent as I become, that I have a serious problem. I've had so many bruised elbows, busted knuckles and sore feet and knees from that stuff, along with holes in the wall. Two holes are from where I threw my desk chair at my wall because the dog chewed up my TV remote. That's not normal.
Do I need anger management or just a creative output for my anger?
-
Get anger management.
Or find a way not to be angry. I heard marijuana helps you relax.
-
dude you either need therapy or to try to control it yourself.
-
Beat off more often, lay off the coffee and spend that energy wisely. It sounds patronising but I find myself counting to 10 a lot these days. I don't think I'm quite at your level of bouncing off the walls style anger but I get angry lots and my main philosophy that calms me down is a voice that says "don't be a victim, don't let this get to you" i.e. whoever or whatever has pissed you off has got nothing over you if you don't act the victim. Sure it's not always possible to shrug things off like that but it is a rough guide that I follow, maybe you should too.
I think tolerance takes a lot of practice too. Some people are really annoying.
-
the anger isn't a problem it's your reaction to it. when you're angry you actually don't need to get rid of the anger as fast as possible, the thing about letting it fester is it rots faster
-
physically venting the anger is known to make you angrier and more susceptable to shit like letting it get to you. You shouldn;t vent it or let it out like that, you should look for a more calming alternative, because it's much more beneficial. When I get angry/upset I chill with some space-music and a bottle of wine. Maybe try that?
-
The fact that you reckon that you have anger issues is a good first step. It is up to you to deal with it.
I can't really help you here because I DON'T HAVE THE ENOUGH IMAGINATION OR EMPATHY to know what it is like to feel the way you do because I'm like the least angry person ever. It is almost impossible to get me pissed off.
I think the key is that I don't care about things, because I realise life is absurd so it is just pointless to get distressed.
However, I guess you DO care about stuff, which means you actually give stuff some value. When you value stuff, you are already overrating that stuff, because you're attaching some degree of emotion to it. So when said stuff dissapoints you or affects you, it pisses you off because you value it.
In my case, since I don't value stuff or at least not so profoundly, I can deal with it so lightly.
-
physically venting the anger is known to make you angrier and more susceptable to shit like letting it get to you. You shouldn;t vent it or let it out like that, you should look for a more calming alternative, because it's much more beneficial. When I get angry/upset I chill with some space-music and a bottle of wine. Maybe try that?
If you don't vent emotions (such as anger or sadness(by crying)) you gain stress.
Stress is what fucks people and gets them diseases, such as cancer or mental disorders (motor neurons).
This is what happened to my uncle so I know.
-
yeah but there's ways to vent anger without physically lashing out.
a slow burning of the anger is better than trying to get rid of it all at once.
-
yeah but there's ways to vent anger without physically lashing out.
Speaking it all out.
-
Wow, and I thought I had anger problems..
Definitely get therapy, man. The way you're responding to, well, everything certainly is not normal!
-
What is your age (this is important)
-
Sounds pretty childish to me. I know I can't just tell you to NOT GET ANGRY, but wrecking shit like that is a pretty childish way of dealing with it. I'm not an angry person, but I've had points where I've acted physically destructively, and it really just feeds the anger. For me, playing guitar is an awesome way to vent. I just crank the distortion and play something very angry. DRUMS are a good tool for venting as well, and you don't necessarily need musical talent to wail on some drums.
-
I don't have a guitar anymore unfortunately, and everyone would bitch at me for playing it too loud, which in turn would make me more angry. No drums either.
And I'm 19 to whoever asked my age.
And the past couple weeks, in which it's happened more, is probably due to stress. In a period of two weeks (most of it actually happening within a day) I almost got fired from my job, my grandmother fell and broke her leg, my other grandmother had a stroke, my girlfriend's grandfather (who is really awesome) got hit by a train and was hurt, my uncle got skin cancer, and I've gotten into numerous fights with my damn hard-headed girlfriend over little things and she always keeps on when I tell her to stop, which pisses me off, and last night was almost the end of us, over something small. The grandparent incidents all happened the same day I think.
So, stress may be part of the problem, but even when I'm not stressed it still happens.
-
This is gonna sound pretty self help bs, but you have control over everything you do. So if you don't want to be angry, don't be. Just logic it away. Thats what I do.
-
Serious anger issues? Did... you really need to ask? Isn't it apparent?
Yes man, go get help. Call around and get yourself enrolled in anger management. If nothing else, read up on anger management on the internet... surely there's some valuable information there.
-
So you kicked a 200lbs pure-muscle-dude ass? Dude no way.
On a more serious note. Anger is sometimes related to stress and shit like that. First of all, you must discard any physiological issue, so go to a psychiatrist or to a neurologist. Then, relief any stress or anger with some sort of activity, physical or mental, but something that exhausts you.
-
Supress the anger until it turmoils into a tumor of sorts, and then surgically remove it. Get's rid of 5 years worth of anger in one go!
-
Get therapy or my new patented Punching Puppy (C) in stores now
-
Don't wind him up Ryan he'll punch us through a wall
-
Record one of your "episodes" and make a hit video game based off of it. Or movie.
-
You know, even the most normal person could go awall from life events. I believe what Couch said to a certain extent. You do have control over yourself because you are the driver of your body. But I sympathize with you in the fact that emotions are sometimes hard to control.
I know you probably do not want to vent like that. However, it seems you have got accustom to the that feeling of venting. I personally got pretty angry and that feeling can sometimes feel like a high where you want to totally give into. I think what is happening around you is definately effecting you. Is your behaviour out of character? Even so you cannot let the cause justify the means. Don't allow those life events convince you that what your doing is okay because of what your going through. When you feel your self-esteem slip, the best thing to do is come to terms with your feeling, accept, and move on. I would hope your girlfriend could have been a pillar of support but sometimes it is not that easy since your emotions have gone physical and there seems to be big case of displacement anger.
I hope you get through it though.
-
Sounds like you could use a new GF, too. I see it happen all too often, where a couple reaches that point where they nag and argue and hate each other, but keep going for way too long. It's just not a very healthy relationship.
-
You know, even the most normal person could go awall from life events. I believe what Couch said to a certain extent. You do have control over yourself because you are the driver of your body. But I sympathize with you in the fact that emotions are sometimes hard to control.
I know you probably do not want to vent like that. However, it seems you have got accustom to the that feeling of venting. I personally got pretty angry and that feeling can sometimes feel like a high where you want to totally give into. I think what is happening around you is definately effecting you. Is your behaviour out of character? Even so you cannot let the cause justify the means. Don't allow those life events convince you that what your doing is okay because of what your going through. When you feel your self-esteem slip, the best thing to do is come to terms with your feeling, accept, and move on. I would hope your girlfriend could have been a pillar of support but sometimes it is not that easy since your emotions have gone physical and there seems to be big case of displacement anger.
I hope you get through it though.
THANK YOU. You read me like a book. I have gotten accustomed to my physical fits. And I don't tell my girlfriend anything really that's going wrong because all I get in response is "well, what do you want me to do about it?" Because apparently she's the only one with bad luck and the world revolves around her. She is one of the big causes of my stress, and I can't really see us being together a whole lot longer.
And about it being out of character, it kinda is. I've always had a temper, but I try to hide it. I'm one of the most respectful, caring people I know, and I couldn't really see myself purposely harming someone because I'm angry at them. I'm a very nice person, I just can't deal with anger well.
-
Sounds like you could use a new GF, too. I see it happen all too often, where a couple reaches that point where they nag and argue and hate each other, but keep going for way too long. It's just not a very healthy relationship.
Pretty much. Tomorrow will be three months together, and the past month or so it's been like you described. But honestly, I'm having difficulty finding the power to break up with her. I feel guilty.
-
I'd like to stress the idea of smokin a little pot.
As Katt Williams said, "Just hit the blunt one time and see if that won't change your perception on whats important in life"
If you're straight edge... well, go seek help. I hope everything turns out well for you. :sad:
-
Actually, pot isn't a bad idea. However, I have no money right now to get any. It's been some time since I've done it but I wouldn't mind a few hits from a bowl.
-
Perhaps you should take a look at the relationship with you and your girlfriend. It is human nature that makes us want to be involved with someone. I guess my best bit advise would be is to try to fill that void with something that means something to you otherwise you'll be just filling that void with something inanimate and empty. I say inanimate because that is how I see the relationship with you and your girlfriend from what you told me. If the world revolves around her then she is most likely just venting on you and not letting you vent on her. I think if I was in a relationship like that I would just bail out, there is no room for growth in my opinion. You should feel comfortable to tell her things, especially if those things are actually stressing you out. You say your a nice person and that is why she probably needs you. So you can be nice to her when she needs to hear nice things.
That is a female perspective by the way :). But don't go breaking up with her just from what I said. Take a long look at what she means to you and what you mean to her. Actions are as loud as words. If she just nags and bitches all day and you take it (just like that 200 pound guy) then what are you to her?
If anything, it is a learning experience. A girlfriend is not supposed to be the biggest stress factor in your life. Especially after 3 MONTHS!
-
When I try to tell her anything nice, she thinks it isn't true, and I'm just saying that. I think what it is deep down is that she is insecure and has no self-esteem. She's led a pretty rough life, she gets picked on for being heavy (which she is, but it doesn't bother me in the least, weight is not a reflection of one's true self. It affects it, yes, but it's not everything) and she just needs to realize life isn't all that bad, but she is really hardheaded. I feel bad for her, but I can't say anything nice to her because she does not believe it. And it's not her fault, but when you're trying to help somebody feel better about themselves it's honestly discouraging and makes you feel bad.
So, not everything is her fault, but a lot of it is, and she can be a total bitch at times. But I can't say anything because I'm always the bad guy it feels like because she pushes me away or ignores me and never really has much to say nice about me.
I don't know whether or not to break up with her or not. This is my longest and most involved relationship (sad, I know) and I want to think that things we'll get better and we won't argue, but on the other hand, it may just be wishful thinking and grasping onto false hope, or it may take her so long to realize all that, that I won't be able to take it for that long. For about half the time we've been dating, we've fought almost every day it seems like, and she's more of the one doing the fighting. Not once have I insulted her. I have yelled at her maybe twice. I take it and she walks all over me. When I do stand up and say something, then she gets all moody and upset and then I feel bad, so it seems like I cannot do anything. She is not my boss and she does not have any right to control but she tries. But I honestly think that it's too late for us, I just don't know how to break it off without really upsetting her.
-
We all feel anger from time to time. I've decided my own way to deal with it after going through the options, and the way I deal with it is meditation. After a long day especially, physical and/or mental exhaustion expose the body now to emotions. Sleeping might take care of the first two issues, but your emotions never had a rest. You probably had trouble sleeping or tossed and turned, dreaming through your daily stresses still.
Meditation is a type of rest, a daily tool I use to curb what I call emotional exhaustion. While I find it important to do, its important first to have an understanding of grounding first so you don't lose yourself and fail to truly meditate. I need to first at least find a thought, a visualization I can focus on that calms me. When I finally feel calm, I try to think of nothing, and let my body breathe as slowly and deeply as possible.
We all have different visualizations that calm us, and a different way of grounding ourselves since we are all individual and emotionally tick a different way. For me, I visualize salt flats or rolling dunes and I like being near a source of firelight, perhaps a fire or a candle when I meditate. I tried many different things, but that is just what worked.
-
Hmmm don't be a pansy. Break it to her straight, you gave her a chance and look how she turned on you. If anything, she should be glad to have you. It seems she is just bitter and if you want to make it work your going to have to stick with her and break through those barriers she's putting up. I would not do that personally unless I was hit by cupid arrows (try a dozen) or whatever.
All I'm saying is that if YOU'RE done with her then tell her and move on. I was actually going to ask why you felt guilty at first but I see what you meant. It sounds like you pity her more then anything. Honestly, stay firm and do what you want to do. The world is a big place yet people confine themselves in small places and set up physical and emotional barriers upon themselves.
Again, you're letting the cause justify the means. It is pretty sad that you have not found someone for yourself. But that does not mean you stick with someone who walks on you putting all their weight (which I assume is plenty) on you.
-
The Illusionist is better than getting therapy.
-
I thought she was glad to have me too. She used to talk about how she wanted to spend forever with me and get married and all that mushy stuff. Looking back, those statements were ridiculous and unrealistic, but they made me feel special at the time. We don't see each other a whole lot because she lives almost an hour away, and she's always going out of town or I have to work or do something and it's difficult. And though I have a vehicle, I only have my permit, so I can't drive up and see her, also, despite working two jobs, I wouldn't be able to afford the gas to drive through 45 miles of winding mountain roads twice a day. She has no job or license, so that makes things even more difficult.
The way I see it, is I'm digging myself in too deep with this relationship. She doesn't treat me too well despite me treating her right. I think honestly deep down she loves me and when we fought the other night, she said she thought we should just end it, but she couldn't break up with me, and I honestly couldn't do it then either but still I wish she would at least show me that she cares more than she does. I'm thinking I'll give it a couple days and if things don't improve then I'm gonna just have to end it. I think I can honestly do better than her, and I'm just putting up with a lot more than I have to.
-
call her on the phone and tell her how you feel and ask her opinion on what you should do
Don't be a pussy just do it.
-
Hmm, The Illusionist does make a good point. Treating the anger would just be treating the symptom and only go so far. If you see a source of disharmony in your life, a place where a lot of the frustration comes from, its best to brace yourself and face it. I am not one to ask about how you face it. My girlfriend and I agree we are an open relationship and more importantly best friends, and as such, I don't have to take any relationships seriously. Never had to, don't intend to. I like to live wild and free, so my opinion of how you should handle your girlfriend would probably be a bad idea for you if you like permanence.
Still, you may find making a choice hard. Meditate if you must, or pray, if you're the type to believe in higher powers. I know you might be worried about how she feels, but you need to worry about yourself too. I've been a pansy for some years, myself. My best friend told me how pointless it was to fear regrets and fail to live, which is an even greater thing to regret. And I guess I finally listened, much at my mother's expense.
Now that I have disclaimed and double-disclaimed, I would, in your shoes, distance myself from a girlfriend like that for a while and let her know that I feel its best while I am feeling stressed and finding it hard to cope with her. She would either understand and support me, or try to make it harder. I would just let her reaction happen and then worry about my feelings instead of hers for a while, before I lose myself worrying over hers.
Ultimately, if losing her became the consequence of asking for some time away from her, I personally would feel it was for the best, and not necessarily a permanent loss even then. People change and learn to understand each other sometimes. Its all a part of growing up, even if you're already adults. We're always growing in some way or another.
-
woo, therapy sessions from mkkmypet!
brought to you thanks to mkkmypet's therapist
some people said that it's childish and stupid for you to become like that, but i disagree completely. i've had some problems with anger management too, and i learned how to deal with them by seeing a therapist (i've been seeing one every week since january). i know how you feel. so let me share some things with you that i've learned about anger management.
when you get angry, you can either deal with it constructively or destructively. all throughout life, people are always choosing between one of those two every single time they get angry, whether they realize it or not. however, destructive methods can take a toll on the individual and the people they know over time, whereas constructive ways to deal with angry are completely positive.
there's 3 "rules" of dealing with anger. whenever you get really angry, remind yourself not to:
1. damage yourself
2. damage others (physically or emotionally)
3. damage important property (as in, uh, don't punch holes in walls or anything)
those are all destructive and can lead to problems.
now, seeing those, you may feel like "Well then am i just not supposed to do anything with my anger?" and the answer is definitely no. that's a problem too. some people (like me) will keep their anger to themselves and try not to deal with it at all. they're like a volcano, where they just store all those negative feelings, and then they'll eventually just get so angry and frustrated that they explode (not literally of course...) and lash out. some people lash out at others, some people to themselves (which was the case with me). so those are bad things. you want to be more like a teapot full of anger, haha. let in some anger, let out some anger... don't let it gather closed inside until you pop open. (yes im using a lot of stupid similes and things but that's how you get people to remember.)
oh and also, smoking pot is generally considered a destructive thing by therapists. i've talked to my therapist about drugs (relating to anger and stuff) and they're a bad idea for several reasons.
1. drugs are bad, etc... (pot does have some negative side effects, even if they're not THAT bad and generally require prolonged use before you start to be kinda... uh, like GirlBones.)
2. most drugs are illegal and getting caught with them can just lead to more problems in your life
3. they can interfere with prescription drugs like anti-depressants (which i'm on. also if you're on paxil you can't have any alcohol because the combination of the two can be fatal.)
4. that's not really dealing with the anger. if you have actual anger managent issues (which it sounds like you have) and not just a little bit of frustration, you're just going to be ignoring your anger and that is one of the worst things you can do. in fact, dealing with it destructively may be better than ignoring anger, because at least it doesn't build up then.
ways to deal constructively with anger vary from person to person. first off, just think of some things that you really like to do. for example, maybe it's drawing, exercising, singing, gaming, writing... whatever it may be. have a list of things that you can do that make you happy. creative outlets are especially good because you can use them to express the feelings you have. i like to draw a lot, so when i get angry i sometimes just draw something that somehow shows who i'm angry at and why. that way you're not ignoring the anger, but you're not being destructive in any way.
you'll probably want to make a list of things you can do to relax in any situation. i made a list of things for home, things for school, etc... to deal with my anxiety and anger. you might also want to make a list of things not to do, just to remind yourself (because writing things down helps put them to memory). here's some stuff from my lists to serve as an example to you.
AT HOME:
-jump on trampoline
-use punching bag (with tape on knuckles so they dont bleed)
-exercise
-draw
-write
-sing
-dance
-blast music really loud
-play videogames
-write in journal
-write an angry letter to who i'm angry at and then tear it up
-rip paper
-yoga
-pray
AT SCHOOL:
-draw
-draw on self (this works for me i dunno why???)
-write journal entries about why im angry
-write about how much i hate my teachers
-get a pass to the bathroom and just chill for a while
-pray
THINGS NOT TO DO:
-cut self (lol emo)
-purge (lol bulimia)
-punch walls or anything like that
-talk to others while angry (as in, don't let the urge to yell "GET THE F**CUK AWAY FROM M*E I HATE YOU" take over)
-drugs of any kind
so yeah you should try coming up with ideas of things you think would work to help you get your anger out.
let me just say, i know how you feel when you're talking about how you get so much physical tension and energy and you just have an incredible urge to get it out. it seems like something like napping or drawing wouldn't work, right? i always thought that but then i actually really tried and discovered that the physical urge doesn't last long if you convince yourself to do something else to deal with your anger.
hmm lets see, what else? oh, yeah, if you're religious at all you might want to try prayer, meditation, things like that. i do those when i'm frustrated because i'm a pretty devout Christian and it helps me. if i hadn't had god in my life over the years, it would have been much much much harder to deal with my issues. (trust me about all this stuff because i don't just have issues, i have a SUBSCRIPTION! ahahaha)
concerning your girlfriend, i don't think i know enough about the situation, but you seem to have some opinions about it. i guess i'd say to just think about it, pray about it if you want, etc... and i hope you come to a decision. it sounds like youre not very happy in your relationship. but you know, it might not be her, it might be YOU. after all, it's pretty clear you have some problems with anger and stuff, and after you learn how to deal with it, you might be surprised at the things you realize about others. i know i was. i get along much better with my family and friends nowadays, and i realized that sometimes the things that i thought were others' faults were actually caused by me and my problems.
and finally, i'd like to mention that therapy is always an option. as i've said multiple times in this post and before, i've been seeing a therapist for a while and i am SO GLAD that i do. before i started, i wasn't too keen on the idea of talking about my problems with others, but now i'm able to, and i feel much better about them. aside from that, my anger is managed well now, and i'm on anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication so that helps me with some of the frustrations i had associated with anxiety. i don't know if you have any anything like that in your life, so you may not need anything like that. but if you suspect that medications could help you then you'll need to see a therapist, who'll refer you to a psychiatrist based on your needs, who'll diagnose anything you may have complaints about, and will then prescribe you some druges. :cool:
but even if you don't need that, therapists can be cool and can help you. you'll be able to talk in-depth about things.
you might want to have consultations with several therapists in your area and then decide who you think could treat you best. or maybe you'll choose one just because they don't have a funny-looking nose like another one does and you couldnt stand looking at that for an hour every week and talking to them seriously. whatever you think's important. :D (for me, i wouldn't want a fat therapist because i don't need some fat old lady telling me "oh don't worry about your weight you're so skinny and pretty and blah blah blah" because a whale is skinny to them and i don't just want compliments, i want help. that was one of the important things for me when deciding on a therapist, because i have a friend who had a therapist like that and she was like "yeah she's not helping me deal with eating disorders because she's a fat old hag.")
so yeah, i'd be glad to talk about any more things if you have more questions, because i'm pretty much just relaying info from my therapist and i think it could help a lot since i know it's helped me. i'll try to answer any questions and help you out based on what i know.
wow long post huhu
-
I've been on a course of the old ADs in the past year and I know they work wonders for some people but I wouldn't recommend them personally. I was in an unhappy relationship taking those and I damn near fucked up my life completely. I am moving university this year to start my second year again.
Also this is worth a read before you consider ADs a cureall. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post_SSRI_Sexual_Dysfunction
-
yeah anti-depressants are definitely not for everyone but they've helped me since my family has a history of seretonin-deficiency and i've always been a depressed person.
but hey i don't think that's even captain mew's problem so yeah. i just thought i'd mention it since it goes along with therapists and maybe he thinks anxiety could be a cause of his frustrations, because it was for me.
-
I think the key is that I don't care about things, because I realise life is absurd so it is just pointless to get distressed.
However, I guess you DO care about stuff, which means you actually give stuff some value. When you value stuff, you are already overrating that stuff, because you're attaching some degree of emotion to it. So when said stuff dissapoints you or affects you, it pisses you off because you value it.
In my case, since I don't value stuff or at least not so profoundly, I can deal with it so lightly.
Then this would only work if you value your indifference to things.
In order to cancel out any inner emotion, you must balance it -- either with brute force to physically tire yourself out, or with firm belief in any value or principle. I can relate to this because I've gotten more and more angry over these recent years because I had dropped religion and pretty much any decent philosophic outlook on life (too much goddamn Ayn Rand). I became more violent, because I thought there was no point to blind belief in value whatsoever (like, "why the hell shouldn't I vent it out? What's it gonna matter in the long run?"). You can see where that stupid mindset was beginning to take me.
So I think the first step to suppress that mindset is to truly want not to be angry. That way, you value yourself and others around you more than you value simply letting shit hit the fan.
EDIT:
Or play very violent and bloody videogames. My brother had anger issues, took therapy sessions, took pills, took everything. But nothing did more good for him than OMFG MANHUNT *SLIT SLIT SLIT*
-
Well, the whole girlfriend thing... I cannot see it getting any better. We can't even communicate effectively. It's only been 3 months and we have very little to talk about. She puts me down. To the point where it actually hurts me, and she doesn't care and makes no effort to apologize. I have always been there for her. I have always tried to take care of her, and give her the best, and she shuts me out and pushes me away. About a month ago, we had a pregnancy scare and that Monday (we did it on a Saturday) I made all the calls, got her the emergency contraceptive, and took it to her even though it was quite inconvenient because she lives an hour away because I knew neither one of us could handle a child at that point, even though she would have done nothing about the situation. And I knew from research beforehand that the odds were not against us, but I did it anyway to help her.
I don't even really want to talk to her anymore because I cannot speak my mind without her trying to feel stupid, she has to have the last word on everything and everything revolves around her. Everything goes wrong with her and it will never get better, according to her, no matter what I try to tell her. It's very frustrating and disheartening. So I've decided it's just not worth the stress or the pain I'm going through. It may sound selfish but I don't think I deserve to be put through all this as well as I treat her. And she is probably going to realize once I'm gone how lucky she had it and it was her loss. I'll miss what good times we did have, and it's gonna be really hard because though it was my third girlfriend, it was my first actual serious relationship and my longest.
And I know life is full of this kind of thing, and it may get worse, but it's not always going to be this bad. Relationships shouldn't be so tumultuous. But maybe this will get rid of some of my stress.
(We kinda got off topic, lol)
-
Get rid of her stop making excuses.
-
Over the years I've had similar problems with anger. I had electrical tape on my bedroom door for years covering a hole I punched in it. When I was in sixth grade I picked up a desk and used it to hit a guy who smacked me in the back of the head with a rolled up magazine...I lost my tie (basically a totem, because my father gave it to me) at one of my band's concerts and promptly went outside to beat the shit out of a telephone poll. (I had to drive my drunken bandmates back from our out of town gig with a hand that was swelling and stiffening up around the steering wheel.)
As bad as that may sound - at least the recent one with the tie...this is actually me under at least a modicum of control.
Mkkmypet's post was really great, especially with the lists of things to do that help.
I find art, music, gaming, and writing all help me. Another way I try to keep myself in check is to remind myself of what my anger could lead too. If I'm pissed off at one of my band members, I can feel that I'm about to just go off on them...I know that if I do, no matter how good it might feel to get whatever it is off my chest, it will end up hurting me in the long run because I'll be splitting up one of the few good things I have. It sounds selfish, but anger is very selfish. You have to remind yourself what can happen to you if you give in.
These are my reminders - I could end up in jail, in the hospital, in a psych ward, or in a morgue. What about any situation is worth that list of risks?
One of the main things that set me off is that other people don't put me first. Truly, I don't expect them too - that isn't their job. The guy who cuts me off in traffic because he's in a hurry - so what, I get rushed sometimes too. The clerk at the bank who doesn't know how to fix a mistake which falsely overdrew my account - big deal, some people just suck at their job. They're putting themselves first, its their right.
I have to put myself first - my oxygen mask goes on before I try to help anyone else with theirs. I can't control what is going to come at me from outside, all I can do is try to manage how I respond.
My band is kind of my therapy. At least once a week I get to go jump around and scream for three hours at practice. Also, I find that pushups and weights are good. I generally run out of arm endurance before I run out of anger, but then at least I'm too tired and sore to do much about it.
Basically, you need to find ways to distract yourself long enough for the anger to erode to a manageable level.
If your girlfriend is one of your main stressors then a social occlusion might help you. You don't need any extra triggers in your life, but you have to strike a balance because you can't always run away. It could get to a point where - girlfriend causes anger...break up with her, driving causes anger...don't drive, people ask you to repeat yourself when you talk which makes you angry...don't talk. Some people might be able to cloister themselves away from the world that way...but for regular people, we just have to make an effort with dealing with it.
The biggest thing, at least with me, is the fact that what I am REALLY angry about is almost never what sets me off. You need to try to discover what the main issue for you is. You may not be able to do anything about it, depending on what it is, but for me just knowing what I am really angry about helps to keep me from blowing up as bad when extra attritions crop up.
-
I can say in all honesty that everyone can fall into the stage of life where their emotions and anger fly out of control. It is a matter of finding how you can vent it in a more positive way yes.
I know I can get really crazy the more I bottle up my anger so don't try bottling it up, it will just get worse exponentially. Instead try leaving the situation thinking, talking it out to yourself and coming back to it when you feel like you can handle it better. I usually use this method and find that I am not nearly as mean or hurtful, I don't throw my punches are get into physical fits with other people because of thinking out what to say and do about it calms me down a little. I might get a little over zealous when I do end up dealing with it but that doesn't mean I am just as bad as I was when the fit of anger started.
Another way is to use that anger and frustration to feed or latch into another part of your life, use it when you want to train up for something like sports, it's one of the techniques you'll find that personal trainers try to get you to use to work harder and better than you would normaly.
The normalcy of physical fits of rage for boys your age (usually 18-30 years) are usually at the peak and wind down as you get older. Don't worry, it really is a lot more normal than your thinking it is.
-
Well I can say from personal experience that alcoholism is not a good way to deal with problems so don't try that! Drinking instead of eating is a good way to lose weight though :(
And yes you obviously have an anger problem and yes you need to dump your girl. If a girl puts you down, get out. Nobody should put up with selfish brats like her who aren't nice to their boyfriends.
I heard on a public radio show that when you are about to throw a fit, venting won't make you any less angry. The chemicals surging through your brain that cause you to go into a fit have a short period of time that they are active, but you can't do anything about them - you just have to ride the wave out. This is why therapists advise counting to 10 when you feel like exploding because it is usually long enough for your system to calm down.
Do you exercise? Like jog or swim or something? I recommend doing that on a regular basis - especially when you feel down. It works wonders. Many antidepressants don't do anything other than force the same brain activity that occurs during exercise.