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Archives => GW Blog => Community Content => Blog: Community => Topic started by: FrostyPink on December 14, 2008, 07:18:01 pm
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This year, without a doubt, has been a year in gaming with many great moments. Games like Grand Theft Auto IV and Metal Gear Solid 4 were heavily praised this year by critics for their innovations and improvements in gameplay and scale, I on the other hand will give the games from this year a slightly different critical analysis... how big their balls are.
5. Joseph Turok
(http://www.staff.gamingw.net/pink/turok.jpg)
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Okay, Turok may not have exactly set everyone's worlds alight; but Turok was quite bad-ass. Okay, okay, his mohawk may not to exactly 'hip' and the fact he once belonged to the Military group 'Wolf Pack' may stink of cheese, but... he stabs up dinosaurs like they're nothing. When you're playing as Turok, the first thing you notice is the fact that the knife is so incredibly over-powered that you happily stroll about the jungle knifing any overgrown lizards in the neck. Sweet.
Hit this link (http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=IsM1PwznNz4) to see Turok's happy-fun-stabbing-times in action.
Ball-size: Two golf balls - Not too shabby.[/b]
4. Ethan Thomas
(http://www.staff.gamingw.net/pink/ethanT.jpg)
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Anyone remember Ethan Thomas from Condemned: Criminal Origins? No? Well, that's no suprise... because he was pretty shit in that game. Thankfully in Condemned 2, they pumped his balls up a bit and now he's a drunk who spends his weekends having crazy hilucinations and beating druggies around the face with bricks and sledgehammers. This man is hard.
Ball-size: Two oranges - Someone who every man should aspire to be.[/b]
3. Marcus Fenix
(http://www.staff.gamingw.net/pink/marcus.jpg)
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Marcus is a man of few words (other than "eat shit and die", naturally) and usually lets his chainsaw-assault-rifle-hair-drier-banana-gun do the talking for him when he's busy murdering a horde of giant bugs. With Gears of War 2 being one the bigger (and manlier) games out this year, it's no suprise to see Mr Fenix curb-stomping his way to number 3 on this list.
Ball-size: Two basketballs - An angry man who settles his problems with violence.[/b]
2. Old Snake
(http://www.staff.gamingw.net/pink/snake.jpg)
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Snake was a hard decision to put on this list, because he's not as manly as he used to be as he's growing quite old and fragile... but then I took into account that he's this old and he's still willing to fight? Very impressive. He might not be knifing dinosaurs or attacking the Locust with chainsaws; but he's willing to crawl across the middle of a warzone while bullets narrowly miss his head. He's got balls. The only catch is however, many people suspect he doesn't actually have balls due to the fact he's a clone... but we'll ignore that.
Ball-size: Two zorbs - If he does have any balls at all, they must be massive.[/b]
1. Your Level 80 WoW Character
(http://www.staff.gamingw.net/pink/wow.jpg)
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When the infamous PC game/drug, World of Warcraft, was almost about to slip off the radar for a bit to make way for these other MMOs... Blizzard go and release Wrath of the Lich King. While many people are excited about the Death Knights and the new areas, we all know the real star of the game is: you. It doesn't matter that your wife left you while you were grinding Wraiths in the Western Plaguelands, it got you to level 60. It doesn't matter if you put on an additional 500 lbs when you never left your seat for six months, just mining Felweed in Shadowmoon Valley, it got you all those camouflage potions you wanted to sell. Now you've grinded your way to level 80, recently slaying Kel'Thuzad and you dream about strangling the Lich King in his sleep. Your level 80 WoW character has gone through more stuff than any other character in the world has.
Your character is true a man. You, on the other hand, are an idiot.
Ball-size: Quite close to two moons that would orbit a planet similar to Jupiter.[/b]
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i'm gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck
you missed all the classics
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you forgot Charles Barkley
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i'm gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck
you missed all the classics
Depends how you mean 'classics', I only worked on games that came out this year!
And yes, I agree, I did miss Charles Barkley. OH WELL.
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oh haha, none of the characters are new
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I think my balls are approximately the same size as golf balls and people say I'm girly.
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Where the FUCK is Kratos?!?!?
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i'm gonna rip off your head and shit down your neck
you missed all the classics
this. WHERE THE FUCK IS SEIFER FROM FF8?
http://www.ffonline.com/ff8/seifer.htm even you agree that he is as badass as you can pretty much get! he is just like Squal except NOT WUSSY/QUIET (this is if you think Cloud is too anime (i guess!?) but i don't really see this as viable point! i can recall many manly characters from anime games, too)
seriously, this is sooooooooooo westerny/whitey. do you seriously think Marcus Fenix is a MANLY character? he is ridicilous, like he is just CORNY. replace that (or solid snake...) with Master Chief. i can remember GREAT MANY testosterony scenes where the Chief just
f*cking RULES
EDIT
ohhhhhhhh from this year? oh man, sorry Pink! umm maybe i should post laster when i have some suggestions in mind...
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it was afraid this would be full of machismo and hints of closet homosexuality at first, but now it's ok because we're openly getting teabagged by seifer as roxas licks his chode and fingers his anus from behind. haha j/k, joey's gonna bust a nut when he sees this!
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Man seifer does look exactly like every 80's movie villain ever doesn't he
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HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS BASED ON GAMES THIS YEAR
TUROK WAS 08
CONDEMNED 2 WAS 08
GEARS 2 WAS 08
MGS4 WAS 08
WRATH OF THE LICH KING WAS 08
Sorry, but FF8 WAS 1999, HALO 3 WAS 07.
You could argue Kratos, since Chains of Olympus was released this year.
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it was afraid this would be full of machismo and hints of closet homosexuality at first, but now it's ok because we're openly getting teabagged by seifer as roxas licks his chode and fingers his anus from behind. haha j/k, joey's gonna bust a nut when he sees this!
afafsashudash seriously man, what's your beef with japan?? i have noticed that you are kind of dumb but this just tops everything you have said so far! jesus this is much worse what Pidgeottoxxx (w/e) has ever said! what's with this attitude?? like do you think seriously think there can't be MANLY people in japan? hellllllllo!!! just because you have lived in the middle of idk WHITE TRASH SUBURBS doesn't mean that you couldn't try to go over and beyound your cultural limits/comprehension and just LET EVERYTHING FLOW IN. like... japan INVENTED kung-fu, samurais & katanas, yakuza (and those are fucking manly if anything) of all things, MECHAS, etc.
oh god nevermind, i shouldn't even bother arguing with a troll. for real, i think i'm seeing now why there is so much beef between G&D and GW, you people are just hopeless. go play your stupid white trash games and listen to your kanye west, i'm gone!
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Pink, i think you should Nathan Drake from Drake's Fortune! now that's a manly guy, that game sure rocked so hard!
you should definitely remove solid snake, i'm pretty sure majority here (including Psyburn) agree that game wasn't very good at all... just to make sure that you understand this.
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Pink, i think you should Nathan Drake from Drake's Fortune! now that's a manly guy, that game sure rocked so hard!
you should definitely remove solid snake, i'm pretty sure majority here (including Psyburn) agree that game wasn't very good at all... just to make sure that you understand this.
Sadly, yet again, Uncharted was last year! Plus, let's be honest; Nathan Drake is just a tad plain.
And this isn't purely on quality of the games, but rather Snake has become a gaming icon for toughness and power, even more so since MGS4 was released. My alternative to Snake would have been Big Boss, to be honest.
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How do you make this list and not include Duke Nukem?
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hmm wheres marrio
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where is master chef i dont see where you can leave master chef off of list hes the most badass in my opinion
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Sadly, yet again, Uncharted was last year! Plus, let's be honest; Nathan Drake is just a tad plain.
And this isn't purely on quality of the games, but rather Snake has become a gaming icon for toughness and power, even more so since MGS4 was released. My alternative to Snake would have been Big Boss, to be honest.
:fogetgasp: um, idk, i still think Master Chief is the toughest man around. snake just pales in comparison (well, think about it! the guy is nearly 80 years old!). opinions are opinions. :fogetshrug:
also, what about Altair from Assasin's Creed - that guy sure knew how to stab! heh. add that to the list! or Lynch from Kane & Lynch! seriously, the only good thing in the game.
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Where about cool cayote from fire and ice??
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seriously guys, you don't need to go along with jamicus! stop derailing guys, especially baseball19225, Omcifer (sorry, only the games for '08), Hundley (games for '08, sorry (he rules though, i agree))!
Where about cool cayote from fire and ice??
besides, fire & ice is to amiga. :fogethuh:
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afafsashudash seriously man, what's your beef with japan?? i have noticed that you are kind of dumb but this just tops everything you have said so far! jesus this is much worse what Pidgeottoxxx (w/e) has ever said! what's with this attitude?? like do you think seriously think there can't be MANLY people in japan? hellllllllo!!! just because you have lived in the middle of idk WHITE TRASH SUBURBS doesn't mean that you couldn't try to go over and beyound your cultural limits/comprehension and just LET EVERYTHING FLOW IN. like... japan INVENTED kung-fu, samurais & katanas, yakuza (and those are fucking manly if anything) of all things, MECHAS, etc.
oh god nevermind, i shouldn't even bother arguing with a troll. for real, i think i'm seeing now why there is so much beef between G&D and GW, you people are just hopeless. go play your stupid white trash games and listen to your kanye west, i'm gone!
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Pink, i think you should Nathan Drake from Drake's Fortune! now that's a manly guy, that game sure rocked so hard!
you should definitely remove solid snake, i'm pretty sure majority here (including Psyburn) agree that game wasn't very good at all... just to make sure that you understand this.
why are you offanded?? I was complimenting you for saving the topic IMO. I'm serious! I don't mind if someone's really excited over seifer and master chef or w/e I just think people shouldn't pretend it's something it's not.
also jamicus didn't post?
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HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS BASED ON GAMES THIS YEAR
TUROK WAS 08
CONDEMNED 2 WAS 08
GEARS 2 WAS 08
MGS4 WAS 08
WRATH OF THE LICH KING WAS 08
Sorry, but FF8 WAS 1999, HALO 3 WAS 07.
You could argue Kratos, since Chains of Olympus was released this year.
note how all the games are sequels
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HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THIS IS BASED ON GAMES THIS YEAR
Duke Nukem 3D was released on XBL Arcade this year. Where is Duke Nukem? :welp:
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Why Tidus was not included, I will never know.
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uh doomguy
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all this talk of male genitalia! can someone please change topic title to "INTRODUCTION TO VIDCON HOMOEROTICISM 101"
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They lack manliness (god of war anyone?)
(http://i179.photobucket.com/albums/w320/ynlraey/ohnu.gif)
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Heh, those 5 pussies you posted on top, Kratos will slit their throat and bath in their blood, then promptly proceed to fuck 2 hot chicks at once (and then tellt hem to fuck off)
much like true everydayt life of gutts, pimp king of malibu
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here's the five manliest V.G. charas of 08:
1. my dick.
2. my balls.
3 - 5? forget about it
my dick n balls are infused with awesome. when i blow a megaload (only kind of load i blow), it's like a megaton nuclear bomb of awesomeness. i'll melt your face down to dry bone and make a knuckle duster outta ya using my man-plosion. you ain't seen nothing yet, pussy. you throw like a girl.
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note how all the games are sequels
To be honest, there is such a major lack of new IPs for action games and FPS' these days, which is such a shame... Personally, the only new IPs this year that are in that sort of catagory are Dead Space and Left4Dead.
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To be honest, there is such a major lack of new IPs for action games and FPS' these days, which is such a shame... Personally, the only new IPs this year that are in that sort of catagory are Dead Space and Left4Dead.
dude that doesn't matter, then just don't make it the top 5 of the year if there weren't 5 new characters.
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dude that doesn't matter, then just don't make it the top 5 of the year if there weren't 5 new characters.
i don't see how that should stop me making such a list. i wasnt looking for any new characters, so pffft.
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i don't see how that should stop me making such a list. i wasnt looking for any new characters, so pffft.
What should have stopped you was the fact that absolutley nobody will care about this by this time next year.
That is unless of course, you have already made this top 5 for 2007, 2006, etc, and intend to continue it forward for 2009, 2010 etc. That way, anyone could track the upmost manly factor as the years in game design pass from one generation to the next. (For one thing, if one of those guys from a sequel made the top 5 this year, while not making top 5 last year for the original, then it would be a serious issue. Because it would mean that there was an even more manly guy that didn't get a sequel this year!)
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yeah. don't know why you bothered making such a horrible fucking article. i mean. fuck. why even bother living if you're not going to attempt to chronicle the evolution of masculinity in video games. what a fucking waste this was.
will reconsider this post if you make one for every year since pong first came out. please begin each article by crediting me with the idea. thanks.
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Okay, let's chronicle the masculinity of people in games, then. :P
Okay, here's the deal, next year I will continue this... Maybe with nominations, even, next year? I think that would be quite good
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Okay, here's the deal, next year I will continue this... Maybe with nominations, even, next year?
please don't
I think that would be quite good
no that's not true
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you're not true.
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i think its safe to say i was quite destroyed here
i love you guys. x
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next time spend 8 minutes pounding your face on keyboard instead of 7
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don't forget that the protagonist(s) of Far Cry 2 dig bullets out of themselves with pliers and knives. And then keep on truckin.
Oh and they also have malaria.
oh, in south african grasslands where literally everyone except for maybe 12 people are trying to kill them.
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i mean the first time i dig a bullet out of my arm with just my finger i'd be like FUCK i'm manly
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To be honest, there is such a major lack of new IPs for action games and FPS' these days, which is such a shame... Personally, the only new IPs this year that are in that sort of catagory are Dead Space and Left4Dead.
New IP? I thought Left4Dead was a remake of an amateur game by Valve.... much like Portal was to Narbacular Drop. Also... fffffffffffffff Mirror's Edge. I think it's sexist that you would disclude Faith for being a women.
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Where the fuck is Mr. Travis Touchdowm from No More Heroes?
It was released on 2008!!
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Dude how the hell could you forget Scorpion?!?
(http://media.washingtontimes.com/media/img/photos/2008/06/25/pix-mkvsdc03.jpg)
If the simple fact that HE IS SCORPION didn't get him on the list, how about watching him take a full on blast of Superman's laser vision straight to the dome without even stumbling? Most people wanna cry when they pop a zit, meanwhile this guy is getting a facial with THE HEAT OF A THOUSAND SUNS.
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Because Sub-Zero can kick Scorpion's ass, that's how.
(http://gamingw.net/pubaccess/38025/138593159_o.jpg)
buy a sub-zero doll
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yeah sub zero is my fav is that game even worth a crap though I'm thinking about renting itfor kicks.
Fuck loo kang though*chicken kick
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Man seifer does look exactly like every 80's movie villain ever doesn't he
he pretty much is keifer sutherland
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yeah sub zero is my fav is that game even worth a crap though I'm thinking about renting itfor kicks.
Fuck loo kang though*chicken kick
I personally don't know anything about it but according to my brother somehow it has this really detailed impressive storyline, but according to something else it's also a pretty shit game.
So these are the rumors take from them what you will but I have a hard time understanding how superheroes and Mortal Kombat characters have a deep storyline together.
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I will say that it did exceed my expectations by actually having a plot and not just WOO GREEN LANTERN VS RAIDEN FIIIIIGHTT! However, the depth of the story is far surpassed by watching Captain Marvel do battle in his fabulous embroidered outfit so I guess it depends on what you were really expecting from a game like this in the first place. I personally would probably not recommend buying it for yourself or anyone else who happens to be over the age of 12, but it makes for a fun rental.
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I will say that it did exceed my expectations by actually having a plot and not just WOO GREEN LANTERN VS RAIDEN FIIIIIGHTT! However, the depth of the story is far surpassed by watching Captain Marvel do battle in his fabulous embroidered outfit so I guess it depends on what you were really expecting from a game like this in the first place. I personally would probably not recommend buying it for yourself or anyone else who happens to be over the age of 12, but it makes for a fun rental.
I'm not really into superheroes at all and the only thing I like about Mortal Kombat is the humorous bits so I had no interest in ever playing this, I just thought it was interesting that something like this could have even a halfway decent plot because it is MORTAL KOMBAT PLUS SUPER HEROES.