Okay not perfect at reviews but heres what I think about Resistance: Fall of Man
First off I give it an 8/10
Now to the review:
A review for a game i like to call Resistance fall of what the fuck man. Now it's a real game that ten seconds in you will go wtf man. Because as it can be seen from surface value as all you little fuck tards are opening your christmas presents in your 1 piece nighties and boxer shorts you haven't changed in a month cause mommy doesn't use the right fabric softener its an action packed god ball of playable orgasm mixed into the best thing since fried bread game industry of Insomniac Games.
Now I am a super whore for the Racthet and Clank series and as an off set I was one of these 1 peice wearing knee jockeys getting up in the morning crosseyed teeth showing and wondering where the fuck the next damn game is going to take me and what kind of fantastical world or new ryhno or zodiac I'm going to recieve out of a pulse pounding ass raping game like this. The box alone makes you wanna rip your tits off and send them to insomniac going "here i won't need these anymore i'll be inside for the rest of my life playing your GOD!" But sadly about a second and a half in you realize that this is not the god you have been hoping for.
Now back in the day of the 360 when that first came out you could excuse poor excuse for a face or movement but the ps3 common!! This is getting ridiculous as your main hero is Jon Everyman I mean bullshit McFucknuts or w.e the bloody hell his real name is. He embarks on a journey to destroy the chimera a super bloody race born from hellspawn breached onto this planet with the most unstoppable monster of a powerful neo race of sentient gargantuans that only the most badass rambo looking motherfucker could even hope to dent the armies onsluaght through little beetles I could find in my fucking back yard.
One fucking guy! One guy enters and entire chimeran base and with one stray shot or 7 fucking billion (which is how many god damn shots it takes to destroy that fucking reactor and it doesn't fucking help that the hellspawn shit storm of hard enemies is rushing me dicks raised and just screaming I'm gonna ass rape you on a fucking loud speaker. And that plus these super flying tanks that breath and almost fucking kill you) to blow up a single tower in the dead set middle of fucking no where and destroy the entire world of chimeran officers. Then the last cutscene says yay we have defeated them at least in brittian. Cause you know guys...Fuck America...That's cool. Last time we bloody help you bitches in a fucking war.
So the begining scene never explains anything instead off you go into the dead center of a war zone and you are fucked and I mean fucked for the last time anyone has ever been fucked. It's like if you went down the street took a bloody diaper wrapped it backwards around your ass cut a hole in it bent over and let a hobo fuck you until the cows came the fuck home (whatever that means) would be the same as how royally fucked you are when this game starts. Jon Everyman starts out a blonde (i think) haired pretty boy American (duh) who has to stop the super army of germans (i mean chimmerans) from invading during world war two times. But common lets be serious here for a second.
The chimeran's are exactly what hitler had. Thousands and thousands of lifeless drones of warfare that came in like a fucking cat scratching a pole and looked peculuraly at a person who tried to fight back then would blow their heads off. The chimeran are trying to have their cake and eat it to which is working a shit storm for them. Not only does your garden variety bug make a very deadly enemy unless your carrying a can of Raid which no one seems to be carrying, but the giant spiders (which as old and overused have a certain spin onto it in this game and I like it) and giant spider machines and smaller running dog spiders and blah blah blah.
Like imagine if you took the most action packed movie you have ever seen and shoved a spider on the screen but that spider would never stop fucking moving. You wanna watch the movie but that spider is just fucking so god damn crazy you can't take your fucking eyes off of him. if that wasn't worse I would like for someone to explain to me how Jon Everyman finds random guns laying around of no specific origin which I assume to be chimerin in which he picks them up and knows how to use them. Cause you know when I find the super alien death mabob and the only way to use it is to have a vast history of alien language and intel (Which I will pick up on tables scattered about the area) I will easily be able to take it, and trounce right in as a 1 person army against the universe's most powerful super race (nazi's) and know precisely how to use it to destroy a tower in the middle of spain then the ten billion bloody towers in Canada will stop working I mean what the fuck.
I guess the game isn't all horrible. It's a think on your feet game and makes you plan out your moves even in the middle of a gunfight. And you can't just jerk off behind a pillar or something cause these mucus shitters have weapons that travel through the fucking wall at you. So it's like, oh fuck it I've used enough analogies you know what the fuck it's like! But it keeps you moving keeps you animated damn fun to play and the ending fights are normally very climactic, just not much else other than the million or so gun fights. And that last few levels are just stupid. I won't spoil but lets say the plot consists around Jon getting cought in a super tunnel that even a squad of a million couldn't penetrate but his 1 man rambo god team beats the shit out of any damn aliens in his way as he makes it.
First off I give it an 8/10
Now to the review:
A review for a game i like to call Resistance fall of what the fuck man. Now it's a real game that ten seconds in you will go wtf man. Because as it can be seen from surface value as all you little fuck tards are opening your christmas presents in your 1 piece nighties and boxer shorts you haven't changed in a month cause mommy doesn't use the right fabric softener its an action packed god ball of playable orgasm mixed into the best thing since fried bread game industry of Insomniac Games.
Now I am a super whore for the Racthet and Clank series and as an off set I was one of these 1 peice wearing knee jockeys getting up in the morning crosseyed teeth showing and wondering where the fuck the next damn game is going to take me and what kind of fantastical world or new ryhno or zodiac I'm going to recieve out of a pulse pounding ass raping game like this. The box alone makes you wanna rip your tits off and send them to insomniac going "here i won't need these anymore i'll be inside for the rest of my life playing your GOD!" But sadly about a second and a half in you realize that this is not the god you have been hoping for.
Now back in the day of the 360 when that first came out you could excuse poor excuse for a face or movement but the ps3 common!! This is getting ridiculous as your main hero is Jon Everyman I mean bullshit McFucknuts or w.e the bloody hell his real name is. He embarks on a journey to destroy the chimera a super bloody race born from hellspawn breached onto this planet with the most unstoppable monster of a powerful neo race of sentient gargantuans that only the most badass rambo looking motherfucker could even hope to dent the armies onsluaght through little beetles I could find in my fucking back yard.
One fucking guy! One guy enters and entire chimeran base and with one stray shot or 7 fucking billion (which is how many god damn shots it takes to destroy that fucking reactor and it doesn't fucking help that the hellspawn shit storm of hard enemies is rushing me dicks raised and just screaming I'm gonna ass rape you on a fucking loud speaker. And that plus these super flying tanks that breath and almost fucking kill you) to blow up a single tower in the dead set middle of fucking no where and destroy the entire world of chimeran officers. Then the last cutscene says yay we have defeated them at least in brittian. Cause you know guys...Fuck America...That's cool. Last time we bloody help you bitches in a fucking war.
So the begining scene never explains anything instead off you go into the dead center of a war zone and you are fucked and I mean fucked for the last time anyone has ever been fucked. It's like if you went down the street took a bloody diaper wrapped it backwards around your ass cut a hole in it bent over and let a hobo fuck you until the cows came the fuck home (whatever that means) would be the same as how royally fucked you are when this game starts. Jon Everyman starts out a blonde (i think) haired pretty boy American (duh) who has to stop the super army of germans (i mean chimmerans) from invading during world war two times. But common lets be serious here for a second.
The chimeran's are exactly what hitler had. Thousands and thousands of lifeless drones of warfare that came in like a fucking cat scratching a pole and looked peculuraly at a person who tried to fight back then would blow their heads off. The chimeran are trying to have their cake and eat it to which is working a shit storm for them. Not only does your garden variety bug make a very deadly enemy unless your carrying a can of Raid which no one seems to be carrying, but the giant spiders (which as old and overused have a certain spin onto it in this game and I like it) and giant spider machines and smaller running dog spiders and blah blah blah.
Like imagine if you took the most action packed movie you have ever seen and shoved a spider on the screen but that spider would never stop fucking moving. You wanna watch the movie but that spider is just fucking so god damn crazy you can't take your fucking eyes off of him. if that wasn't worse I would like for someone to explain to me how Jon Everyman finds random guns laying around of no specific origin which I assume to be chimerin in which he picks them up and knows how to use them. Cause you know when I find the super alien death mabob and the only way to use it is to have a vast history of alien language and intel (Which I will pick up on tables scattered about the area) I will easily be able to take it, and trounce right in as a 1 person army against the universe's most powerful super race (nazi's) and know precisely how to use it to destroy a tower in the middle of spain then the ten billion bloody towers in Canada will stop working I mean what the fuck.
I guess the game isn't all horrible. It's a think on your feet game and makes you plan out your moves even in the middle of a gunfight. And you can't just jerk off behind a pillar or something cause these mucus shitters have weapons that travel through the fucking wall at you. So it's like, oh fuck it I've used enough analogies you know what the fuck it's like! But it keeps you moving keeps you animated damn fun to play and the ending fights are normally very climactic, just not much else other than the million or so gun fights. And that last few levels are just stupid. I won't spoil but lets say the plot consists around Jon getting cought in a super tunnel that even a squad of a million couldn't penetrate but his 1 man rambo god team beats the shit out of any damn aliens in his way as he makes it.
