I'm not aiming for anything in particular at this moment except for making money.

scared shitless because my senior year is coming up, i'm a biochemistry major, i have nothing on my resume but my shitty summer waitering job and tutoring a 5 year-old with ADD for a few weeks

my semi-intentional decision to get through school without speaking to anyone important about anything has failed. i'll be applying to grad school and maybe will get in somewhere if they preferentially select for hard-working polish dudes with only average grades

I'm 21 years old now....

I live on my own with 2 and 1/2 roomates. I say half because a dude kinda comes and goes...don't really see him much.
I'm a community college graduate with a communications degree.
I work in 2 radio stations owned by the same company.
I also work full time at Burger King.
I'm soon to be attending Heidelberg University come August to complete my bachelors.
I was recently engaged and broken up with, but have since been dating another girl...whos a gamer, that I credit to my past fiance for hooking us up.
I'm still playing The Way, best RM2k Game ever, never beat it even after 5 years.
I have contemplated tinkering around with RM2K or RMVX, but haven't found the time.
My step dad recently died a month ago, and I spend a lot of time at my mother's farm helping her out.
I'm uncertain about my future.

Only specific goal I know of atm is buying the Fallout 3 DLC

Been hating life forever. Everyone tells me it's typical teenage angst but I've been wondering for a long long time when I'm going to grow out of this stage because apparently it's inevitable, and if I understand that it is bullshit than how come I am what it is??????????????

Yeah, did 3 17 hour film shoots, holding a boom pole, feel really insignificant even on a small production like this (at least $2000 USD), where the director and interning at MTV is a year older than me and the director of photography is two years younger than me and has worked on numerous professional productions while I have absolutely nothing creative I can contribute besides holding a fucking boom mic in the air standing around listening to people do shit while I do barely anything... Which also goes off to the fact that I am not going to film school, nor studying anything I want to. Going to a college I don't want to go to studying fucking computer science because I got rejected by NYU Tisch because I flunked my first two years of high school and the college I am attending rejected me for film for some odd reason despite not asking for a portfolio. Makes me think I will never ever ever succeed or getting anywhere with this movie shit if absolutely everyone wants to make movies and millions of kids are in the some position I am in... especially since I haven't done jack shit because of the environment I've been placed in, no friends, no talent, no collaborators, no nothing. And yes, I've looked, so don't fucking argue with me because I've had this discussion more times than I could could and the arguer never knows what the GODDAMN FUCK they're talking about but they all argue with me the same shit and make shit up about film like they know what they're talking about,.

So in a month, what I will be doing "these days" is attending Rochester Institute of Technology, studying shit I hate, not knowing what i want to do and living with a dumbass roommate, and living on a "mainstream floor" which is 75% deaf, and leafo told me the deaf kids are assholes. Really, I don't want to do this shit at all because film is so goddamn competitive, and not doing anything for a year (especially since I shoot probably one very short shitty no-effort film a year due to resources and lack of collaborative talent, and overrall talent), is putting me very behind and will severely limit my chances of getting a camera job at PBS  or something, which is all I am reaching for realistically. The fact that I'm stupid, and everyone constantly telling me I'm stupid, taking 9 months of expensive private SAT prep classes and getting a 1650 and a 1700.. doing shit early in high school and having no AP classes. Surrounded by dumbass Christian hypocrite kids, stupid ass family, a unorganized dirty house, living in an environment where I constantly feel limited, and ultimate simply uncomfortable. Been doing shit I don't want to, going to do shit I don't want to.

Been trying to get my short film, which is incredibly easy shot and finished but my actor, who is very reliable had some shit going on and couldn't come, and the weather report has raining for last week and this upcoming one.... So it'll never get done, even though it's supposed to be quick practice to dig into my longer 10 minute short which I am probably screwed for. I need to do a rewrite but I have absolutely no writing talent, nor can I come up with any ideas except distorted visual images, so the dialogue all sucks.

And, I don't even have a job. I didn't even look despite the local blockbuster which is filled with assholes, so I got the fuck out of there. Sitting on the computer, been watching much less movies than i usually do in a month, not motivated to do anything.. Sitting on gaming world all day fucking #2 most online member, constantly arguing on #gamingw, eating 2 small meals a day and sitting around. Playing Little Big Planet once in a small while. Throwing plates across the hall. Been reading more, too lazy to do storyboards idk. Angy all the fucking time, trying to fight off a fly that keeps flying into my fucking face. Leaching off my parents as usual, spending a lot on comic books every Wednesday. Planning to see indie movies with friends who don't show up. Trying to come up with ideas I will never have, the usual.