THE STORY BEGINS WITH MOTHERFUCKER
LARA CROFT 'S ORIGINS AS A DIPSHIT TEENAGE TOMB RAIDER, ACCOMPANIED BY
GODDAMN HER THEN MENTOR,
WERNER VON CROY . THEY TRAVEL TO THE STUPID TEMPLE OF
ANGKOR WAT ,
CAMBODIA IN THE FUCKING HOPE OF FINDING THE MOTHERFUCKER MYSTICAL "IRIS." HOWEVER, THE FUCKER TRIP IS CUT SHORT BY AN ACCIDENT WHERE LARA IS FORCED TO ABANDON HER COMPANION, WHOM SHE BELIEVES PERISHED, IN ORDER TO SAVE HER OWN LIFE! BACK IN THE COCKBURGER CURRENT YEAR IN WHICH THE BITCH ASS GAME IS SET (1999), LARA FINDS HERSELF IN
EGYPT (THIS IS THE MOTHERFUCKER ONLY GAME IN THE FUCKER SERIES TO KEEP THE ASSHOLE GLOBE-HOPPING TO A STUPID MINIMUM; ASIDE FROM THE FAGGOT PREQUEL
FUCKING LEVEL THE SHITTY ENTIRE GAME TAKES PLACE IN -FUCKING-ONE COUNTRY), LARA CROFT UNCOVERS AN ASSHOLE ANCIENT TOMB WHERE A DIPSHIT FEARSOME EGYPTIAN
FUCKIN GOD
SET WAS ONCE IMPRIS-FUCKING-ONED. SHE UNWITTINGLY UNLEASHES HIM AND FINDS HERSELF IN A MOTHERFUCKER DEADLY RACE AGAINST
GODDAMN TIME TO RESTORE THE FUCKED UP GOD TO HIS RESTING PLACE BEFORE AN ASS BITCHING
APOCALYPSE BEFALLS EARTH! UNFORTUNATELY, VON CROY
MOTHERFUCKING BECOMES LARA'S MOTHERFUCKING NEW RIVAL AS HE IS POSSESSED BY SET HIMSELF AND HE MAKES THINGS CONSIDERABLY MORE DIFFICULT! LARA TRAVELS ACROSS EGYPT TO COLLECT THE COCKBURGER PIECES OF HORUS' ARMOUR IN ORDER TO DEFEAT SET! THEY ARE FOUND IN PHARAOHS, TEMPLE OF ISIS, TEMPLE OF POSEIDON AND CLEOPATRA'S MOTHERFUCKING PALACES! SHE COMBINES THEM (WITH THE FUCKING AMULET OF HORUS) IN THE PIECE OF SHIT TEMPLE OF
FUCKIN HORUS TO FINALLY DEFEAT HER ENEMY! HOWEVER BEFORE HORUS CAN BE SUMM-FUCKING-ONED, SET ARRIVES AND DESTROYS THE COCKBURGER ARMOUR, KNOCKING THE BITCHING AMULET INTO THE MOTHERFUCKER WATER! LARA QUICKLY RECOVERS IT AND EXITS THE ASSHOLE TEMPLE SEALING THE STUPID ENTRANCE
FUCKIN SHUT WITH THE FAGGOT AMULET! SHE MUST LEAVE IT IN PLACE TO KEEP SET IMPRIS-FUCKING-ONED FOR ETERNITY! AS SHE REACHES THE FUCKED UP EXIT OF THE FUCKING TEMPLE,
MOTHERFUCKING INJURED AND EXHAUSTED, SHE IS CONFRONTED BY VON CROY! FEARFUL THAT HE MAY STILL BE POSSESSED SHE IS RELUCTANT TO HOLD ONTO HIS OUTSTRETCHED HANDS AND SO SHE FALLS INTO THE FAGGOT DARKNESS BENEATH THE SHITTY COLLAPSING
MOTHERFUCKING TEMPLE!