im currently nowhere
 
my mother started drinking a few years ago and ive failed my first year of university three times trying to juggle taking care of her kids, taking her drunken abuse and doing a degree. a few months ago she got clean and now im just a 22 year old NEET whos £9000 in debt. im so fucking done with life i feel like im just sitting here waiting for a relapse. i'd kill myself but i can't inflict that pain on my siblings so i just sit here playing videogames and being a worthless human being.
 
sorry to darken the thread or something

 
Hey,
 
I am sorry to make any kind of presumption about what your intentions were in writing this, but if it was in any way a call for help or advice, then I can offer some.
 
It's okay to be nowhere. I work with a lot of people coming out of school in the UK who have a lot of pressure on them to have figured all their shit out by the age of 16. They got forced through this tube of education and most of the time they get squirted out the other end a few years older and just as clueless about what they want to do with their life. They're back in the same situation of unknowing but faced with the same life decisions, but this time instead of sixth form/college it's university. And there is a large number of these kids who get this far and have this sudden moment of realisation that they still don't know what they want to do. So they just pick something and pray, or carry on the path they already set out on, even if they have long lost whatever initial passion they had for that subject.
 
Myself, and my friends and my family, and everyone I work with. None of us are where we want to be. Some of us are in the back half of our twenties (me) and some are late sixties. Some are older, even. Fuck, I know you know this. We're an aimless mass. I just see all this pressure on kids to have figured it all out by X age and none of them have. And when they think they have, a lot of the time it changes.
 
I was 22 before I even started my degree with the OU. I'm still not even halfway through what with chipping away at it around my work. Now four years down the line, I have different interests. I'm not so interested in the subjects I am studying. I doubt I will put it to much use when I'm finished.
 
What I am trying to get at is that it's okay to never know where you want to go because time and experience and perspective can change your goals anyway.
 
As for your debt. Is it an SFE tuition fee loan? The funding for these loans was changed in the last few years (off the top of my head maybe three years ago? Maybe you fall on the right side of this change!?) so that as long as you are earning under a certain amount, you do not have to pay back a penny of the loan until you reach that income bracket. If this is the case, then do not worry about it. Put it out of your mind. It is not even a concern. Further to this, if you don't fall into this income bracket within a certain time frame (30 years maybe?), they will scratch the loan off completely. Okay, maybe that's not the ideal situation but helps relieve the pressure of this debt hanging over your head. Call student finance and see if you fall into this category.
 
Lastly. I know this is a bullshit thing to say, but if it frustrates you that your life is consumed by this aimlessness (the void of videogame escapism) then you should change it. I don't mean some broad stroke like "GO AND GET A JOB" because I know that insurmountable mountain and how bold people on top of it can be when they talk down to you. But you can't move if you do nothing. So do something small. Tiny even. But whatever it is, just don't do nothing because then you are back in that void.
 
And also: http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us
 
If you just want to get all this shit off your chest, that's what that phone number is for.
 
I hope this helps you out some.

I used to be known as Lord_Gelgothia when I frequented GW back in the early to mid 2000s. I helped with the Soldat server and developed maps for it when that was still going on (BTW, we definately need to get that back) and I tried (and failed) to develop games using RPG Maker 2000 and RPG Maker 2003. It's great to see a lot of the original guys from back then are still around, or at least some of the oldbies. I remember a lot of great memories from GW, the funny conversations, the pranks, the whole Kaibasaber fiasco and other things. Great to meet you man.

TREG/Tom here.

I'm a political/news journalist and blogger for a new media company now. I work in a shiny office in Tribeca and write things that get read by hundreds of thousands of people. (Mostly buzzfeedy/Voxy type stuff though.)

I don't think I ever outgrew that part of me that craved approval. I lost a lot of college friends over the years, and I'm a heavy drinker.

other than those things, life is good. I make very nice money in a great city, have one of the only good jobs on journalism and have been taking a lot of time to think about myself. new apartment. 24-26 have been rough years but things are definitely getting better.

I recently lost my job working on a ship for the oilfield construction company I worked for, it was probably for the best because I kind of really hated them and the stress from my job was making me pretty bad.

Also I got a DUI while being sober the day after I lost my job. I had two hours to kill before a psych appt and just drove around aimlessly and got a cop called on me to came to the determination that I was under the influence of something and when I told him it was because I was going insane he said thats still an influence and he suggests I make a plan to go see someone you know, like the fuckin dr appt I sat in a jail cell through.

I am weighing trying to sue that company for workman's comp and doing something else, going to school, or possibly shipping with another company.


I'm smoking pot and trying to get unemployment atm. I have another hit of LSD in my closet but I'm afraid of it.

Oh yeah, its in court now. I can still drive atm. I did pretty ok for behaving through the whole thing. My mom got mad because I said that they could suck my dick when I walked out the front door.

And the way he did it was really conniving and shitty too. He had the intention of giving me that charge and putting my ass in jail before I was even stopped. Dude did the field sobriety three times.

Theres a part where you have to walk a line toe to heel. I hate cops. I freak out and my legs and hands shake I get unresponsive and stutter and shit. Its not really a fear but a straight up uneasiness and pretty much general hatred for them. So when I started that part I let him know about my condition. That I could walk a line but its going to be slow and my legs are going to be very shaky. He said thats fine do it to your best ability and wrote it down like I was going to fucking fall over or something.

Same shit with the touching of the nose. "You want me to put my finger on my nose or just at it? touch the damn thing or what??"

"best of your ability"

failed.


I was on my way to my psychiatrist. I got to my appt later the next week and have prescriptions I can't pick up yet. its 300$ a refill for my meds uninsured. I'm hoping that by the fact that I did not blow any number whatsoever. That I've been trying to get treated but my occupation stopped it. I'll be able to have it thrown out in court or a significantly lesser charge.

I did take a urinalyses. And before after I got the bad news I took a pain pill and smoked some weed. But that was days before and I definitely wasn't driving. Irregardless its self-medicating, I wasn't drunk, didn't hit anyone, just looked out of place pretty much. well, I did to a U-turn past two solid lines so I think I'm getting a bullshit citation for that. Which is all this ordeal should have been, a ticket and me getting medicated like I needed.

I drive my shit like a go-cart if I'm not medicated. snake through traffic and pop 360s on the highway. Its not like charging 30mph over the speed limit and drifting or any of that shit but its enough to give them a reason to fuck with me.

I also got my record. 4 points out of six years of having the same car. Four accidents only one of which was at fault, One got rear ended at a stoplight and my brother was driving, other my mom put her pickup in reverse and plowed into my grill. . So maybe I'll get lucky I dunno.

I dunno about school, or if I want to try again or just work a fucking walmart until I figure stuff out. I'm going to consult about my lawsuit and deal with the DUI before anything though.

I'm not letting those sons of bitches get away with the hell I had to go through just to make a living and do something with my life.

Also the prosecutor was a squirrely little fuck who decided to hand me my plea bargain which was anyfucking thing they could throw at me. I gave him a "get away before I rip your head off your shoulders" look and he went away.

Nope and he had a lacky that looked like gomer pile and its their word against mine. They do have cameras on the patrol cars. Not sure if they have me on it or not.

Turned 25 this year. Been working on software development for a few years now, but not in games. I gave up on wanting to make games professionally because it seems like it'd suck all the fun out of it, so instead I just slowly work on small games on the side. Things have been good overall, except on the social end which I've been lazy about and generally pretty awful at. I think I have hermit tendencies, just feels more comfortable.
 
Came back here just now since I was looking at old images on my computer and saw this:

 
 
Back when I was rocking an 800x600 resolution.
 
Edit: I have this striking feeling like I posted this the last time I stopped by.

A tear comes to my eye whenever I see the original webpage, such great memories. Alas we are only a forum now, the great gamingw website exists now only in screenshots and in the Wayback Machine. I wish that one day I'd type in www.gamingw.net in the address bar and this page would come back in all of it's glory, complete with all the resources and games it once hosted.