Ouya initially seemed cool but the marketing of it was terrible, I literally know of no games on the Ouya other than Minecraft and I don't even know where to get one even if I wanted one. Also, I'm not exactly big on the whole digital download only thing because if you buy a game and find out it sucks you can't even sell it and get some of your money back. Basically, there's nothing I really see on the Ouya that I can't already get either on PC or PS3, so unless there's a really, really cool killer app for it it pretty much stands out to me as this generation's 3DO.

Except the 3DO owns and has cool games

True enough since I own one. At least I know that the 3DO actually HAS games.

Why the OUYA wasn't an instant success is beyond me. After all, it had such great tools, like piss-linux and a special processor built just for pissing out of its own pissholes. You never knew what to expect with it! There were reports of people sitting on couches trying to play video games, and some of them even emulated something. Let's take a phone, put it in a box, put the vent holes on the bottom, and play touchscreen games on screens that aren't touchscreens with a controller that looks like a buttplug for someone with a boomerang-shaped colon.
I'm going to think of something positive to say now. Here it is: "At least its controller isn't as bad as the Retron 5 one." There we go.

Why the OUYA wasn't an instant success is beyond me. After all, it had such great tools, like piss-linux and a special processor built just for pissing out of its own pissholes. You never knew what to expect with it! There were reports of people sitting on couches trying to play video games, and some of them even emulated something. Let's take a phone, put it in a box, put the vent holes on the bottom, and play touchscreen games on screens that aren't touchscreens with a controller that looks like a buttplug for someone with a boomerang-shaped colon.
I'm going to think of something positive to say now. Here it is: "At least its controller isn't as bad as the Retron 5 one." There we go.

True enough, and at least the Retron 5 allowed for the option of using controllers that don't suck. Honestly the only controller I see that possibly looks worse is the Steam Controller, which to me looks like it might as well have been covered in thumb tacks, and seriously, a touch screen d-pad?