i probably played a One Version Too Early... but no matter, i got the gist of the game. i have to say-... well, i dont HAVE to say but i'd LIKE to... well, i think i'm already saying... i'm SAYING- nah, naw, there's no need to clarify...what about I think? Well, i'm saying and surely there's are my thoughts...yours... truly... hmm, hrmm... erm... (we have to break the ice somehow...) ... Was totally suprised-... no, i still am... well, not to same extent, of course... there's only that much suprise after novelty, the effect surely changes/is different once you get accumstd (sp...or not...)... i think it's cool (yes... this will suffice, it's only my appraisal after all) what you were trying (or did...he (or she? perhaps you assume too much? or maybe it's something else?) already did) to do with this, like what kind of effect you were after (okay enough of this joke but i could someday just bomb my post to hell like this) and i kinda liked the honesty/the authencity of experience...
 
okay the same without the joke: 
 
i think it's cool what you were trying to do with this, like what kind of effect you were after and i liked the honesty/the authencity of experience... jrr tolkien looks encouragingly at neophyte... like it's not the potentially nerdy fantasy but the TYPE of gaming experience, i havent seen this effect/experience done in games a lot (even though its kind of obvious this kind of game should exist) but you did a really good job with what you already achieved... actually, it's probably what you wrote here that was much better than most fantasy writing anyways...
it kind of reminds me of Hundley's twine game, the intensity of the experience... i wonder if ya two should combo and do a interesting lit experience like this...
 
music was really good/suitable, whoa... 
 
sorry for this garbage post, i totally bombed my honest post to ground...