Topic: TALKSPACE 2013 (also plans 4 winter jam) (Read 8740 times)

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Don't feel bad about that bro, its florida. I had my head bounced off of cop cars atleast three times in two years at the tender age of 21 and I drive that challenger. Actually thats part of the reason why.

There is usually a good hippy/hipster young person population you just have to go to the right bars and shit to find them. I actually went to tampa last time I was off but it was only for a day so I didn't get much time. They suspended all training except immediately necessary so it could be a bit till I get back down there.

Girls with tattoos are nice. I'm inbetween getting ignored and rejected because I'm viewed as somewhere between a drug dealer and a saint and nobody likes that. I don't like dating at all, people are contrived and when I offer to scoot a girl away to a five star resturaunt, casino, or something nice they think I'm ted bundy or one of those slip a micky types.
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I'm getting really really tired of work though. Been through too much shit and I've lost alot of time. In debt so I can't really walk away from it and it kind of gets in your blood. I'm considering doing something else. My buddy thinks I should try to start a business, not sure. It would be nice. I'm tired of all this corporate gas/petroleum shit. It eats at your soul and they expect you to live for it. Plus I've got that shit with my brain and I can't take meds out here to stifen it. Get trashed too much to bring it down. Been trying to see a dr. about some sort of anxiety meds but I don't have time to do it and its a pain in the ass of a process.
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oh yeah, there probably is. I was asked to be part of a hippie farm back when I first moved down here, probably should have taken that up. didn't realize how rare young people from my relative social class are at that point tho.
 
seems like most jobs are either working for awful businesses or awful people who got rich from awful businesses. I know a dude who does yacht detailing, seems to have a lot more disposable cash than I do. apparently if you don't mind the physical work, the job's only ever as bad as the boss or client. 
 
might want to look into anti-anxiety stuff to read, it seems like it can be effective and it's easier than meditation bc you don't have to force yourself to concentrate as much. I haven't been able to meditate since I moved, mind wanders too quickly. 
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oh yeah, definitely. Yachting is another aspect to the career choice and thats basically true of it. I've considered it but you have to commit and live on them most of the time and it would take an impossible amount of restraint for me to endure a wealthy asshole if thats where I ended up. Workside it is also like a polar opposite. You have to keep everything pristine and its alot of accomodating people and shit like that.

I dunno I might look into it. I saw a mental health dr for a couple months and then talked to a therapist last time I was off but they basically just sit there and nod and don't have much to contribute I haven't thought about already. I have way too much energy, think too much and my anxiety manifests with shitty people, ideas, or things and will just circulate in my head for a very long time. Which is why I'm seeking meds. Just want to chill the hell out and not care. Alot of people ask me why I care about certain things and its almost physically impossible for me not to. Unless of course I take something.
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http://dice.gwil.co/26
 
while looking for something me and my boy neuropath were talking about i found this cute and cool comic. wow!!!
 

Last Edit: May 01, 2015, 05:19:00 am by goddesses17
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sup
www.jmickle.com
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i found a german browser game where you raise ants
 
http://eatenbyants.de/
 
this seems like it's lost to time but also it's still going on and the forums only go back to about 2009 so it might not be quite as old as it seems and there is something about this game that i can't not take Full Notice of
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you start out with 30 euros living in your parents house and you have to take horrible minimum wage jobs to make enough money to buy more ants and get a new apartment but mostly buy more ants and you have to spend time researching ants and there is an ant economy where you buy and sell your ants
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hey there, i dunno if anyone still posts here or remembers me, but i need a place to dump my thoughts so that's what i'm gonna do
 
early 2014 i took a job after being nearly made homeless and was able to support my family monetarily and it was kind of tough but everything was great, i was progressing really well in a new role, and the mad anxiety/depression/stupid shit i'd been suffering from kind of, i dunno, subsided while i was able to dive completely into something new. i'd progressively paid off a lot of stupid debt i got myself into when i was a stupid teen and things were looking up.
 
throughout the year i'd still deal with debilitating anxiety and depression and retreat from the world, basically just hiding. i still owe neuropath a tape in digital format, and i definitely haven't forgotten buddy. 
 
about september? october? i got the chance to move out. my family were doing okay so i felt comfortable enough being able to move out and being able to 'live'. i moved into a building right next to where i was working and was still enjoying things. 
 
but sometime early in january of this year, my grandad took really ill, and we all knew he had not much time left. at first it was a few years, and we kind of accepted that as a family. but all of a sudden last month it turned into 3-4 months, and then last week it turned into a couple of hours. like in your life you will hear so much about death in like entertainment and media and such and whatever but fully experiencing someone you care about die is something horrific and i really feel for anyone who has had to go through it. 
 
right now i feel i'm back at square one in terms of all the progress i have made with my mental illness and also my family. drule and jamie have been the best friends i coulda asked for and i'm really grateful even if they don't come here anymore, i'll let em know.
 
i grew up in this flipping place with all you flipping people and i dunno, i guess i wanted to tell you what i'm going through. 
http://angrygeometry.wordpress.com
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Man dicko I'm really sorry to hear all of that :º[  I've also gone back and forth a lot in terms of mental health over the last several years so I know how rough all that is.  You're a really rad dude, it's great to have you here again altho I wish it was on better terms.  Come here to tell us about your life anytime man!!!  Good or bad, whoever all is still here are definitely hangin around here for ya to talk at.
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man, best of luck dicko. I wish I had more of an online presence so I coulda maybe helped talk through some of that. things are infinitely harder when you're an adult out in the world and don't have the security of a kid/student or the luxury of a family that can float you, let alone the reverse. my closest friend recently went through a very similar situation, was busing tables to support his mom who was out of work, racking up debt on drinking and whatever, and then his grandma got ill. everyone's in their own unique situation, and he's still working with it, but he's doing well now. just got an efficiency and moved on his own again.
 
I doubt it's any help, but during my hardest times I focus on how temporary bad feelings/thoughts/events are and the permanence of good memories and inevitability of good things. I read somewhere that depressive thinking unconsciously makes one believe in and focus upon the permanence and inevitability of bad things, and I believe consciously reversing that helps even if it reads like a passage in some self-help scam.
Last Edit: June 08, 2015, 04:51:36 am by E-Z Chips
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Dicko I'm mega sorry I didn't see this sooner, I've been travelling the West Coast of the US and have had zero time for internet stuff :< 
 
I hope you know the tape thing is TOTALLY cool and I empathize deeply with you about managing mental health issues and if you ever want someone to talk to, you got my internet contacts
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yokai watch owns
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Oh man. I feel you bro. I suffer from some of the same issues but instead of having outright depression I've got only the upside of bi-polar disorder (its called hypomania) and anxiety too.

I'll get really frustrated and anxious and feel compelled to make things right that are completely out of my control. At one point we had a guy on the vessel that was a cadet and an immigrant from Egypt and that whole Gaza strip bombing thing was going on, he ended up teaching me a WHOLE lot about middle eastern history, culture, and relations. I would get very very angry and have to physically remove myself from rooms with active televisions because I wanted to literally rip the TVs off the bulkheads and smash the living shit out of them. Between that and my ex making my life a living hell and work stressing me out I came to the conclusion that I had PTSD and went to an M.D. to seek medical treatment because I actually started getting blood in my stool from it. After a few questions and talking to me he came to the conclusion that I did not have PTSD but instead the hypomania and anxiety. He gave me mood stabilizer meds that did not work and something to curb the anxiety that would only work for maybe a max sum of fifteen minutes.  Long story short I got back to work and had to show my meds to the ships medic who then called a bullshit corporate Dr. who then pulled me out of work for six months and made me see a psych that didn't give a shit pretty much.
 
after fighting and fighting to keep my job and get back to work and contemplating a lawsuit the only way I was allowed back was by stopping seeing the dr and stopping the meds. Then I just decided to self-medicate when I was off of work the best I could using opiates to try to curb it but now they've started a monthly urinary and hair follicle regimen that I barely got by with and I'm trying to go back to a private dr. to get treatment.

It got really bad. My ex accused me of making the shit up and kept accusing me of being insane. After taking care of her and her kids for a year and a half she cheated and split while I was taken out of work and financially busted like a fucking cantaloupe.

It got to one point I had a pistol and contemplated suicide. Ended up taking five lortab tens one night and had to keep myself awake because I thought I was gonna fall into a fucking coma and could physically feel my heart rate slow down but I ended up waking up just fine. I'm not the whoah is me suicidal type or even typically depressed it just got insanely hard. I got to the point where if I couldn't live the way I wanted to and my jacked up brain was just going to have to run rampant for the rest of my life then I'd be just fine with passing, I'd lived enough and saw the world around me as a degrading basketball in space full of stupid ass people.
 
ended up fighting three different people for being terrible and doing awful things to others because I just couldn't control myself but I eventually got back to work and got a little better. You just have to see it as a storm bro, it'll pass in time. I feel you though. Holy fucking shit I feel you on that one for sure.



Mine manifests weird though. I don't have mood shifts, always up no matter what and I have an ungodly amount of mental and physical energy that I just cannot for the life of me siphon without some sort of dope to help me rest it. You just get tired of it. Its like being forced to run a marathon with the body and mind and you just cannot physically or mentally quit. I get tired of thinking and I get tired of being so full of energy. Even normal people cannot follow me a lot of the time because of the frequency of which I speak and articulate. I've developed a couple different both temporary and chronic injuries because my body gets run down to where it cannot keep up over time.

 
Last Edit: June 26, 2015, 02:42:25 am by Mope
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hi old buddies. i thought i would come back here and post a video i made this is new so here it is
 
https://youtu.be/CKu_gory5Qk
 
it is a new video. i still make videos and things. i hope you are all well!!!
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That was rad Jamie
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This is what i'm doing ATM

 https://www.facebook.com/farren.blackwell/videos/10153549381975664/