That thing steel wrote was really nice.  It made me tear up ​ 

okay, so my school uses a site called Ning to create these mini private social networks that allow for students to share ideas with classmates. the English department has a site that i use to keep up with class assignments and stuff, but sometimes people will post things that interested them, like parts of various literature, quotes, thoughts, etc...

anyways, i posted part of Steel's letter as a blog entry on there and a lot of people were truly touched by it. here's one comment that a classmate of mine posted:

Oh, my. That was incredible perfect. When my grandfather passed away, one of the hardest things about losing him, other than that I could no longer see him, was i never got a dream I have always carried with me. My grandfather (a grumpy old man as he was) i know was wise, and i hoped to have him impart that wisdom upon me some day, but I was never allowed that gift. I now feel fulfilled, as if, i've finally been given wisdom from someone who knows, who really is neither an optimist, or a pessimist, but someone who knows the answer. Thank you for posting this.

oh and here's a little thing i wrote describing my own feelings, which prefaced the letter:

hey, i wanted to post this because it is the most beautiful thing i have ever read.
the extended quote at the end of this note was written by a guy known to me as Steel, who was a young aspiring law student in North Carolina who spent the last year and a half fighting cancer. after all this time, he didn't make it through that awful disease... but he can rest assured that his influence on this world has not ended, and hopefully never will.
this guy was such an important person to me-- although i never met him face-to-face, i have known him online for more than 8 years. i don't think i've gone a day in all that time without communicating with Steel or reading his posts. what an amazing guy... i loved him like an older brother or a mentor. god, this past month since his death (not even a month, actually) has felt SO "Tuesdays With Morrie", you know?
it's been tough to deal with... i've broken down and cried many times-- yes, cried over a man i have never met. yet, that's not true-- i did meet him. i met him online. the internet is such a powerful thing. you can't make judgments online like you do in real life. when you first meet someone, you see no skin color, age, gender, or any other ephemeral attributes of a person. you really CAN know someone in the mess of the "anonymous" masses on the internet. in a tight-knit community like the Gaming World forums, to which i am so grateful for allowing me to get to know Steel, people can truly love each other in a way that isn't easy to do. so i can honestly say that i loved this guy, Steel, who impacted so many people so profoundly, myself included. i want to grow up to be like him. please, anybody who sees this--read this "dying message" that Amark Patra, a cancer victim, wrote... and, hopefully, be inspired.
Steel, i will never forget you.

Thank you for sharing this.

I managed to keep it together till the last few paragraphs...

It made me tear up really really hard

I'm really late getting this news. I only just found out today (thanks to Hundley for pointing me to this thread again).

Even though I haven't spoken to him in months, possibly even years (has it been that long? I'm not sure), I'm incredibly sad to hear this news. I never met Steel in person, but I felt like we were pretty good friends at one point, despite that.

I don't know what to say right now. I'm honestly still processing this.

His family and friends are in my thoughts, and I hope that they're doing as well as can be expected under the circumstances.

EDIT: I just read Steel's "last letter." I'm seriously tearing up. The last line did it. There are no words.

i'm not going to lie, but yeah. i cried.

steel is fucking inspiring and it's a downright shame and goddamn awful thing that he had to die. that's all. i've been looking for something to say ever since i read he died, and this is all i could come up with. i can only wish that he rests in peace knowing how many people he's inspired.

I come back to see how you all are and find out steel has passed on =[

RIP Steel

In all of his boisterousness and flamboyancy, Steel carried more influence than any mod, admin, or poster on this forum.  Seven years ago, I remember the first conversation we had was via PM regarding his opinions on Ico and Metroid Prime.  Seven years he became an icon, hated and respected, for a small internet community.  Seven years he made more changes than the man who paid the bills.  Seven years of life posting on a stupid internet forum that brought joy and anger to hundreds of posters.  I still remember his funny ass Superman short story, the Targ forum, his rants on colleges, calling out people on their bullshit, and bullshitting himself.  Seven fucking years, holy shit.

I've spent lonely nights of self loathing and anger directed at stupid things in the past that couldn't be changed.  Here you have this guy, battling fucking cancer.  I've complained about my government job, which is cake as hell, while thousands of people are given the pink slip.  Here you have this guy who was paying for medical care, something I get for free, while still juggling schools and his future career.  I complained about a lack of time in a 6 hour work day.  This guy devoted seven years to an internet forum while still living a life and never once complained about his health.

I recently converted to Bhuddism after long self reflection on the time I've wasted doing jack shit.  Thinking back on it now, I believe I took the first steps around November.  The irony. 

Steel lived vicariously from beginning to end.  He followed the true path to happiness.  That's a path I strive to take.

"Earnestness is the path of immortality, thoughtlessness the path of death.  Those who are in earnest do not die, those who are thoughtless are as if dead already.

Having understood this clearly, those who are advanced in earnestness delight in earnestness, and rejoice in the knowledge of the elect.

These wise people, meditative, steady, always possessed of strong powers, attain to Nirvana, the highest happiness."

-Appamada Vagga 21-23

Yeah, even though I didn't personally talk to him very much I still respect the shit out of the guy and miss him, his brilliance and his humor. Every fucking day I stop by here I feel that somethings missing.

It still hasn't sunk in all that well for me and I think it never really will. It's like, I hope that one day I'll wake up and time will reset back to April 2008. The last year and a half has been so incredibly shit that I just want it all to go away. Why can't it just ugh. Go away. I need a drink.

face down ass up that's the way we like to fuck OOHOH IAM CUMMINGGG Hey! Mom is kissing santaclaus!


That's the only steelsong I remember but it is one of my favourite anti-depressant songs(won't go into detail on that lets just say that I really like it, are you goop-goops alright with it or should I maybe elaborate more? No? Good.)

 PM: Sent: Happy birthday!

Want to spare the community, and you, the embarassment of creating a bloody thread. As I reckon it, you're not the attention-whore type of moderator anyway.

So, here, a complete waste of your life, a wholy random person wishes you a happy birthday! Or "may all your sechs be good", as they say in GW.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
BON ANNIVERSAIRE
GRATTIS PÅ FÖDELSEDAGEN

Live long.

Sent to SteelPaladine on Oct 26 2004, 01:23:03 AM

going through my PM-archives on a whim, found this old thing. It all feels so goddamn recent still.

So.

Either people are going to hate me for bumping this topic up again, or they'll just be okay (no, I don't really think someone will hate me for it).


Today is my birthday. And I haven't been here for months on end. I decided to come back and check things out... Only to find this devastating news. I'd totally been sidetracked away by college and everything going on in my life, that I didn't constantly remember about Steel and his surgery.

Now I come back today when I'm supposed to be happy and joyous, only to see all this. It's been months, and I'm ridiculously out of the loop but I just wanted to say something. Even if I was never close with him at all like many of you, we'd said a few things before and I was the target of very small gags when I was younger on here.

But I have to say that he was a damn good guy at heart, and everyone knows it. I am sorry he had to go, but I really am sure he is at rest now. He is happy now, at peace.


What he wrote, what Steve posted... I have to say it is one of the most beautiful fucking things I've ever read in my life. It made me cry a decent amount for just being filled with happiness a short bit ago. And I am just awe-struck at how things have panned out, but it's that way, no changing.


And I believe it was ASE that posted the log where Steel talked about the Peace Corps earlier? He talked of helping people and that he wouldn't really have a chance to leave some mark on the earth.

I think he was wrong. All that he has done, all that he has said, it has left impressions on the earth, in its people, us. No matter whether he left a permanent impression on the whole earth. That does not matter.


He left an impression nonetheless. Not permanent, but still a deep and lasting impression. And I believe that is his legacy.

I know he made me a better, more enlightened person. If not directly then through his knowledge and spirit and I'm going to try damn hard to do everything I can to keep his memory alive.

I'm pretty sure the dude thought I was an idiot but I don't care he's still awesome and I miss the fuck out of him.