If you aren't too dizzy to read books you might you can read "People's History of the United States" by Howard Zinn! How did you like the god delusion?

God Delusion is a pretty terrible book but that's because I really don't need it at all, I was looking for something to ZONK OUT to, and it didn't work.

also Howard Zinn nigga I'm a poli sci major I know Zinn already please!

I... I try SO hard sometimes...

GZ did send me miracle spring water fyi.

also last night was kind of bad, not for nausea, but I had constant gas and I slept 0%! that's awful and I'm sure gonna be in for a hard time later today basically that's today probably in a nutshell; nausea and exhaustion.

dude if you're not able to smoke weed, then try Marinol! its a pill (well a drug under a different name) which is used to take care of woes during chemo and other things such as that.
heres the wiki on it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dronabinol

and heres the company that makes them:
http://www.marinol.com/

I urge you to at least skim through the main website for marinol. has insight on vomiting/ nausea etc.

knee swelling took me down today, i'm out for the day, this is awful.

oh my god.

I have discovered that there is no god, but there are demons and they all dwell in your knees.

I have been seriously lying down incapicated the whole fucking day. jesus christ. it's a side effect from chemo but let me reiterate that if you know anyone who has been through this, give them a fucking hug okay. today was the first day of like EXTREME PHYSICAL PAIN and my god.

there are no fucking words.

also ASE I got your card and it made me cry because I'm a dork, thanks.

i hope you are on pain killers! maybe you need to ask for something stronger?

edit: just dont get addicted to vicodin or something

i hope you are on pain killers! maybe you need to ask for something stronger?

Yeah this, they should definitely be able to help you out. Chemo is fucking shit and as far as I know they'll do anything within reason to help.

I really feel for you man, my friends mum was going through chemo for ages and it was pretty bad. Keep us posted.

I took some vicodin over the past two days and they were pretty cool but for some reason I can't fucking walk after taking them.

Like, the first time I swallowed two and they hit me later on and I kept like dropping shit because my hands would just loosen for  no reason and then I snorted another one because I thought I was losing effect or something and after that I kept swaggering like a drunk sailor that just stepped off of a ship that went through a hurricane if anyone can understand what I'm getting at.

in other words steel take a shitload of vicodin

Keep your head up, alright? I'm sure what you're going through is really ugh shitty but it's time to be a man! Aight.

Steel you are probably gonna be gay about this but
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8543329

Significant recovery was observed in the number of bone marrow cells and the spleen weight.

ps valerian root actually works. my mom takes it because she has extreme pain in her knees and it makes her unable to sleep, but she takes valerian root and she is out like a light.

wow.

okay so uh.

FUCKING ORDEAL.

basically after I posted about my knees, they came back...with a vengeance. I mean, there are not fucking words for this. my mom was rubbing my legs constantly, and I was screaming in pain the whole time. it was seriously the worst night of my life. and what was weird was no meds were working. Advil and hydrocodone were doing fucking NOTHING. it was awful, and I ended up ODing on both (doctor's orders) and the doctor on call just kept saying TAKE MORE TAKE MORE and I seriously was in so much pain.

so I finally had to scream and convince my mom this was NOT chemo pain, there was no way in hell people regularly went through this. she didn't want to take me but finally I convinced her to take me to the hospital at like 5 am, where guess what- it wasn't chemo pain! apparently that white blood cell injection I had reacted poorly and was the reason my knees were in pain and the chemo drugs obviously weren't working.

so I basically had a bunch of painkillers in me (still do a little) and the guy fucked up my portocath THREE TIMES which was fun, but now I'm better, even though my legs still hurt a little. I've got some drugs for this on the way (basically the oral form of what they IVed me with) and the silver lining is that the pain I experienced is NOT chemo pain, so hopefully I won't have any more nights/days like that.

what a fucking ordeal though, seriously. christ, worst night and day of my life!

edit: in more bad news though my white cell count is apparently down and also I had weird sodium shit going on in my blood so I gotta go in to the doc's on Monday.

man, that's horrible. so if the chemo drugs you were taking weren't reacting well, what does this mean for the future? like, are you going to have to find new drugs or are you just not going to get any drugs for it or what?

well this wasn't a chemo drug, it was a white blood cell thing. I guess they will reduce the dosage? we find out on Monday.

also man I am still pretty high from these drugs!