I guess it just boils down to they just perceive their relationship with gw differently but I still think its pretty insensitive to shoot someone down so quickly.


edit: Hit the road strangeluv

i dunno. i think it's kinda nice to see that people feel close enough to this vague and dispassionate community to actually open up to it. i definitely don't think that this is the same thing as telling a totally random stranger something. i don't know about the rest of you fuckheads but i give you stupid ungrateful assholes a whole lot more than i give random stranger on the street. it's still COMMUNITY COLLECTIVE but i feel comfortable enough here to be myself here. as far as i'm concerned, a topic like this is a natural extension of that feeling.

but this whole thing has been about how this isn't the point.  it's not like they're gracing us with some much sought after honor or privilege by telling us these things; the point everyone seems to have been making has been that it's because this community is vague and dispassionate that they were able to tell us all this.  had there been any level of intimacy, apparently this wouldn't have been an acceptable outlet.  i think even the people who wrote had this perspective!  anyway i guess i and possibly him too just disagree.  the people in this community, unless i actually know or talk to them in some way, mean absolutely nothing to me.  i don't feel any comradery with BUNSEN05 or whoever based solely on the fact that we're both members.  he's a complete stranger, the only difference is that if i met a complete stranger on the street who was like OH GOD HELP ME, i would probably care more, because that is a real person standing right in front of me in need of some type of help or support, and this is just a guy posting on a forum full of a bunch of people who don't really know each other.

i'm actually kind of surprised to hear you say that you think there's some intrinsic level of BROTHERHOOD i guess with being at this site.  i don't know a ton of people here, nor do i feel like there's some fundamental bond we are because we're both members.  LIKING RM2K or whatever doesn't make a person feel closer, to me anyway.  i honestly wouldn't have expected you to really say you give the random people you don't know or talk to or read posts by on gw more than you'd give a random stranger on the street.  SHOWS HOW MUCH I KNOW, i guess.

How did you survive jumping off of a bridge man! Man if I viewed everyone here as complete and utter strangers I don't think I'd bother posting or enjoy it here very much, I think a part of the reason I like it is nostaglia or whatev.

not everyone, just the people you don't know!  i know about 10-20 people here and the rest are complete strangers, yeah.  do you actually view everyone here as some kind of INTERNET COMPANION?

Age 14 (2004):
Second year of high school, socially willing but not accepted, bullied by just about anyone due to lacking confidence and self esteem, further lowering my confidence and self esteem, basically making it a continuous downward spiral.
I never got in fights because I was never challenged to any, and I was never challenged to any because I never stood up for myself...

I would always have thoughts of hurting people, I mean it comes naturally when you get picked on, when I was 10 a kid spat in my ear and so I somehow fly kicked him in the throat, since getting in trouble then I was kinda programmed that fighting back would always lead to someone bigger and badder putting you in your place, and so I just learned to endure.

My pain threshold became heightened through this time period because of the circumstances surrounding me and eventually I just accepted it as a part of every day life.

Age 15 (2005):
Proceeding through every year prior to and including this one, I was a bed wetter (yes, see I AM talking about deep personal shit here!), my life was just so daunting that everything from my school life would just freak the hell out of me every night, the thought of waking up and going to school practically INSTANTLY after waking up pretty much scared me into this almost daily habit.

On my 15th birthday someone stabbed a pencil into my arm as hard as they could (making a 5mm hole), luckily missing important veins, I merely washed it off, padded it with a few tissues and bandaged it up, then went back to my work, it never happened again luckily but I just never stood up for myself.
I was a pacifist in my own right.

Guy in my english class would constantly throw paper at me, push me into walls and doors, close doors in front of me, squirt me with water and god knows what else for the entire year, to which I did nothing except say "Glad that's over, how many more days til next year starts?"

Age 16 (2006):
Bed wetting finally recedes when I meet a girl, one who likes me for who I am and further turns out to be the 'belle of the ball' later in the year, more of a spike to my social standing than anything but for once in my life I actually felt happy. (not really an emo moment but it contributes to the following)...

I always got people challenging me to fights, not because I was an ass but because I was standing up for my girlfriend at the time (she was being harassed by them), every fight destination and request was accepted, all of which the other person backed down before anything happened...

To this day I am yet to be in a fight.

Age 17 (2007):
Things go great up until around the time that she goes to university, suddenly there are too many things to do and too many OTHER people to see for me to really have an inclusion in her life anymore, when we'd see each other she would talk about how amazing her new friends are until I eventually lost my nerve, barked at her in a heated discussion followed by her dumping me.

Because of how awful my life was before she came along I went into a mode where I tried just about anything to prevent that from happening again, and when she just turned around and said it was over I went on a complete downward spiral.

Through my entire high school life I had not expressed any form of emotion for any of the hurt that I had felt, then straight after she broke up with me I cried every day for a month, the base sadness continued for a further 6 months before I meet my second girlfriend, which only lasts a month.

Prior to that, I was suicidal around the 3 month period, I have a scar across my stomach (below the upper ab section) that I did simply to see if it would make me hurt any more than I was...
Following that I was going to commit suicide on August 1st 2007, my first ex appeared randomly out of the blue and basically brought every ounce of sadness back to me with her, but because she was in tears at the fact that I cut off all contact with her for 6 months I couldn't go through with it, knowing how upset she would be if I actually did.

Age 18 (2008):
I go through a few more relationships, each of which fail to meet any standard close to what I had from that first relationship from either being too frigid, needy, boring, whatever...

The following 3 months leading up to this day have me sitting in single life limbo, waiting for that special someone to come along.

Loneliness is intoxicating and the biggest motivation killer, I found myself sleeping nearly 13 hours or more a day sometimes because of this.

Now:
I've recently met someone as of a week ago, however being 15 it has been a very difficult process for me to work out whether I am just sick of being alone and desperate, or whether it is something genuine, obviously there are many things that need to be considered, such as the physical side of things being non-existent (I would prefer it this way to be honest, sex gets in the way IMO), as well as maturity and so forth.
I've known the girl for over 6 months prior to us dating and I connect with her more than anyone else I know, not only that but she has a better sense of maturity and humour than most people my age or older which is a rare quality these days.

I care about her, and that's something I haven't done regarding anyone or anything since the start of 2007 really, so that's the most positive sign I take out of it.

I still have my down moments from time to time but they aren't as hard hitting and I at least now have someone to turn to when I need it.

Anyway that's my life people, dissect and make fun of whatever parts you want, I'm used to it.

I've thought about it, but never actually tried. I was way too young for that. I actually had suicidal thoughts when I was six.

Yeah, nobody's gonna believe me. But it's true.

No, I was actually depressed and shit, and thought people would be a lot better off if I weren't born or if I died.

Or was that what you meant?