No, I was actually depressed and shit, and thought people would be a lot better off if I weren't born or if I died.

Or was that what you meant?

Yeah dude!  Yeah I thought that a lot.  Actually maybe not every six year old thinks this but I don't know can I get some confirmation here??

edit: actually now that I think about it I'm probably just thinking of movies or TV shows where the kid says I WISH I WAS DEAD and runs to his room and cries for a few minutes before his parents come up and console him.  I think in my case it was worse than that but still nothing that serious I don't know.

when i was six i had little understanding of death, let alone the idea of suicide

when I was six I was too concerned with sticking Simpsons action figures up my nose.

i was born on the battlefield
conflict and death were my parents
a grenade was my first toy
but love did bloom

it's sad because it's a true story

Okay, my bad then.

No dude I'm beginning to think that I was wrong.

My brother verbalized how much he wished he were never born around the age of 6... but my mind may be sketchy and it may have been more around the age of 7 or 8. He also seemed fascinated with the idea of killing himself.

Luckily he hasn't verbalized that kind of shit in a while (he's 10 now) so here's hoping we won't have a teenage suicide on our hands!

As for me, I've never had emo years. Strangeluv and Mkkmypet had it much worse than me.

I remember contemplating suicide half seriously when I was younger. The idea of going up to heaven seemed really appealing to me, so I was always eying that bottle of Clorox under the kitchen sink. I mean I don't think I was ever seriously close to going through with it, I can just remember entertaining the idea... I think everyone thinks about this when they are younger though.

Man... :[ Compared to everyone else here I have had like... The most boring life ever.

When I was very young my parents were still young themselves (very early 20s) and were the sort of people to have parties regularly, the sort of parties where people just get drunk and do drunken things. I think the first time I got drunk I was 4, which was also the first time I ever took a serious drug. This sort of thing happened every now and then for the next 2-3 years, after which my parents split up (got back together then my Mother got pregnant with another guy, which she use to take me to his house and make me wait outside for hours at a time, after which they split up for good).
When I was... Maybe 5-6 I vaguely remember being molested or something along those lines by my aunts friend (she was about 13 at the time and had only just started puberty). I don't remember much of what happened (other than trying to use vagina as a phone), but it wasn't exactly bad and now I am older I wish it would happen more often! (Being abused by hot older women that is)
From the ages of 7 to 20 I have lived in exactly 27 different houses (29 in my entire life). My Mother went through men pretty quickly, most of them dick heads but not too bad. In those 13 years other than moving around a lot nothing too eventful happened.
When I was 12 I got beaten up by some man and thrown off a garage roof onto a concrete floor (about 8-9 feet off the roof) for throwing stones at his wife. Being the hardcore kid that I was I wasn't even seriously injured and gathered like... 4-5 of my older friends/relatives (older as in around 13-15 years old, hahaha) and went around to his house with spades, hammers and other DIY tools to try and beat him up. But he locked the door and we never did anything :[
When I was 13 I saw someones head get cut off, or knocked/ripped off. It was in a pretty violent crash between a car and motor bike, the guy on the motor bike lost his head, literally.
Nothing that happened to me in my life ever made me fell any sort of emo or depressing emotions though.

Other than those few things I had a normal life, I did all the normal things a kid would and went to a normal school and had a normal school life, outside of school I use to play normal games with other kids (strangely a lot of them were war games, started off with fake guys "shooting" each other, which evolved into throwing stuff at each other, which eventually evolved into full blow wars in some forest not far from where I live. We and our group of friends would go out and fight another group of kids, it started with fists, stones and sticks, but soon turned into whatever weapons we could get our hands on, kitchen knives, axes, various DIY tools and I remember onetime we got hold of some urpentine and poured it on sticks, then lit it and threw it at the other kids.)
Now I am a normal, functioning person with a good, full time job and other than being unsympathetic to more or less everything and having one of the shortest attention spans ever there is nothing at all wrong with me as a person (I would say at least!).

alright then:

When I was 4, I got hit by a car in front of my parents(i ran into the rode heheh) and everyone was their to help me get back up(no injuries, and even my teacher was there). Not much EMO MOMENT there.

When I got into primary school after a lot of moving houses and shit, I was in year 4 and accused by the teacher nearly once every week of doing something wrong. Whether it was stealing pens, making noises or anything I was called by her a "dumb liar" each time. I was pretty sad each day, though I dismissed it as trivial and was a happy kid in general. Around year 5, when I was 10, I felt an urge to study a lot. Nothing else, just STUDY STUDY STUDY and I got bored of studying stuff that we cover in primary school so i started on GCSE stuff and the teachers thought I was pretty amazing but in actual fact i was just a dumb fuck running before he walks. So, I was paranoid and wanted people to think I was tough, so I brought a knife sharpener to school. I only showed it to my friends, and my best friend told the teacher and I got excluded for 7 weeks. Nothing really happened after that, I was still quite a happy kid.

At 12, I got into secondary school. I expected people to be inherently nice, but instead I got bullied for no apparent reason. I had a few friends, but even they played mean tricks etc. so I pretty much felt I had no friends. I got into about 20 - 25 fights that year, around half I won and I got rushed by 3+ people around 5 times. I wasn't in DEPRESSION but I was in a bad state(wanted to die, etc. attention whore basically). After year 7, I was 13 and in year 8 I pretty much was the same kid BUT I got in with the "gangsters" of the school. Doing their work, helping them out so they helped me out and pretty much made sure I wasn't hit or anything. I thought I was a tough man and I fucked around in class a lot, getting into trouble and that. I got into a fight with a really short kid and got beaten(peer pressure lol) but my ego wasn't hurt much.

So, I was in year 9 and 14(yes this is where my EMONESS ON GW was and reading my posts and chatlogs i was a pretty horrible member, jesus christ) and i thought i knew everything about life and i could be an arrogant fuck. So I turned on the "gangsters" saying that I used them, i did that for no apparent reason though. I got bullied again, not beat up physically but they fucked with my mind, trying to force me into trouble and kicking in my door and shit. I pretty much thought I WAS WINNING since I was stupid at the time, I got into around 5 fights over those 2 years.

At the start of the school year, when I turned 15 I was even more arrogant and I started to call out the "gangsters" again, I had more friends but I still tried to attack them about their own selves, getting into massive arguments a lot and that. I had no fights, and I decided to change. Basically I looked over my life and saw how every decision in my life was naive and dumb. I accepted that all I am is a teenager and I need to enjoy life before getting all serious about it! So instead of doing people's work and shit for respect, I started to earn respect by being a nice person. It still works today, I'm enjoying life etc. I became a whole lot more witty and I cuss people down for fun regularly(it's all in good fun though). I got into one fight this year, ironically with a kid who used to bully me. So I won that fight(as immature as people are, I got respect for that), he got sent home and I got away untouched. Now, ye may think I'm an immature fuck for this, but the kid tried to start on school trips, I don't fight where I can get into trouble and I must be able to prove it's his fault + self-defence. So, I call him out, try to provoke him to fight me to the point I was regularly bullying him every day. Yeah, I'm immature but everybody hated him and he though he was hot shit, so since I was bored I decided to do that. Now, he's on his final warning from school so I can do whatever the fuck I like to him. I didn't hit him though, just provoke him to the point he wasn't coming to school because of me. When I found out I was laughing my head off, and he told the teacher(my head of year to be exact, whom I respect). I didn't get into trouble though, but he requested I stop. I did stop though, since I respect the teacher too much to bother with my own trivial boredom.

So, thats all up until now!

really?  idk i thought this was because i was sort of an odd kid but i think from the ages of six to ten i would fantasize about suicide basically NONSTOP so it's good that other kids did this too i guess!  i don't think i really wanted to die but IDEA OF SUICIDE seemed very interesting and i would just sit in the bathroom (ONLY QUIET PLACE IN HOUSEHOLD OF SIX) for hours at a time thinking about it and envisioning scenarios.  i think i probably just found the idea of the attention i'd get if i did it appealing or something gay like that.

go away attention whore

rey_kiko youre the living end

i dont get this

Hidden content (Click to reveal)

well people certainly have no problem confronting me about things i said when i was young (psy powers wooo) and treating it as valid (even when i was like 9 and most people who believed stuff like that for a time were like 15 when they did)!

look i dont care about e-props or e-sympathy or whatever.

i was telling because first of all telling these things to people is helping me see them as not being so personal anymore, and that helps me to not shake and throw up when i think or talk about it. i've come a long way since i started telling people about it.

and also because i've grown up with GW. i mean come on, i was a frequent here when all that crap was all happening. the thing is, sometimes people here discredit things i say because they're like "you're only 13 you've never been through anything tough how would you know about any of this???" (steel, you used to say that to me a lot when i was younger). maybe if people know that my mind isn't the mind of an "average 13-year-old girl who runs around happily and has never seen anything bad!!" then you'll treat me a little better? i dunno. i mean i dont want people to not say what they're thinking just because they know more about me now. but i have always wished people knew about it so i could talk about things more here.

and plus i mean we have topics all the time where i have wanted to mention all this stuff, but i was like UH NO. now i've gotten it off my chest i guess, and it's just another fact of life now.

and to anyone who thinks i'm exaggerating or lying or something: why would i? i'm just confused. sure average girls may lie about things for sympathy or something but average girls haven't gone through any of this!
and steel, any girl who tells you their molestation story after knowing you 3 days may still be telling the truth. it's called being mentally unstable. after holding things like this inside for so long you kinda feel like GOSH I WANT TO TELL THE NEXT PERSON I SEE. i resisted because my fear of other things took over. but a college girl would probably have less fear than a 10-year-old, so maybe they don't resist in telling these things. or if they're lying, that'd still be a pretty sad story to tell here saying "i lied about being molested for attention".

wow steel you just have to argue about everything don't you? do you just regularly think "heh heh ima get this topic locked... heh"? bahh.

also everyone just so you know i've always been a little bit of a weirdo and i've always loved taking pictures. combine the two and HEY GUESS WHAT i have photographic proof of a lot of these things if you think i'm lying about stuff like cutting and whatever. and i mean i have pictures of my brother's best friend but it's not like random pictures of him really prove anything. but for my pictures, i don't really want to share them with just anyone who has internet access though so i'm not going to post but if you PM me and really want to know more then i'll show you if i feel like it.
still i don't see why i post some stuff and people react with "PROVE IT" and "YOU'RE EXAGGERATING AND OVERDRAMATIZING" and whatever.
i mean, if you were hanging out with a group of friends, and one of them is like "hey guys can i tell you something?" and then tells you all this, would you say (or even THINK) "she's probably just exaggerating."? if you can't trust people when they tell you things like that, that's pretty messed up, man.

WHY WOULD I LIE is not a valid argument and you should avoid using it when you are actually telling the truth.

THAT BEING SAID, you are still a pretty horrible person. It seems to me that you are always in "LALALALALALALA I AM NOT LISTENING TO YOU I AM ALWAYS RIGHT, MY BOOK OF RHYMES SAYS SO THEREFORE I AM RIGHT" mode, you are also pretty ignorant regarding real life issues, but still... I really feel sorry for what happened to you as a kid,  it pretty much shaped your current personality up the way it is right now, WHICH IS NOT ALL BAD really, you just have to rethink your stuff. I am not criticising anything you said in this particular topic.

I also recall you saying that you SAW THE LIGHT or whatnot, could you elaborate on that? What exactly happened? I remember talking to you once and you told me that you turned to a FUNDAMENTALIST CREATIONIST out of your own free will which sounds like bullshit to me.

Hidden content (Click to reveal)

kids are dumb, but honestly, i think once you hit about FOURTEEN you should probably be called dumb for holding reprehensible viewpoints.  i certainly was by OLDER BROTHERS etc and i'm thankful for it because if there was one thing that made me grow as a person it was FEELING ASHAMED of who i was and how i acted, and needing to escape that.  there is a difference between understanding why people are dumb and accepting/tolerating it.

also i'm really pretty okay with LOOKING LIKE AN ASSHOLE because i am being an asshole and that is kind of the point.  you come into a topic, read posts and somehow manage to completely miss the point of them, and then make some smug, preachy fucking post that shows you really have no idea what we're saying at all.  it's obnoxious and presumptuous in the extreme, and i'm going to tell you that in the most insulting way possible because i think people who come into topics and ridicule others for posts they don't even seem to attempt to comprehend probably deserve it more than most.

soooo basically don't come into topics getting all angry and not knowing what the fuck you're talking about and it won't even be an issue!  i know, amazing, right?

Fuck me.

Soooo, what you are saying is that BULLYING helps build up your personality into something better?
What exactly do you base this on other than your own personal experience? I was bullied a whole fucking lot for TWELVE YEARS(6-now) and I have a pretty fucked up personality(if any at all). I have a lot of serious psychological problems that are all the fault of stupid shit like that.


No offense to either of you.