Is DHCP enabled?
Yes, it was. It turns out I had accidentally installed a x64 version of Vista, instead of the x86. I reformatted again with the 32-bit version and all is well.
As for the sparks, I've come to believe they came out of the IDE/ATA connector on the motherboard. When I plugged in my IDE optical drive the computer would just hang on startup, but without it everything went fine. I went and bought a SATA optical drive (they were on sale, too!) and attempted to bypass the entire problem. It did. Everything ran smoothly.
Thanks guys, I've finally built my first computer from parts.