Or should I say - I'm having some family members arrested!

   My youngest sister tried to kill herself recently and I don't think my parents home is a very good place for her to stay anymore.  There's been some major problems that my parents have been trying to hide for a long time and I'm planning on having them and a relative arrested for child endangerment, physical, and sexual assault.  There was some child abuse by my mom and two of the girls in my family were assaulted (one physically and one sexually) by another relative.  Now the child abuse (by my mom) was limited to my oldest sibling and happened a very long time ago.  However, the assault came out in the open  more recently and my parents were horrible to us when we told them (my sister was also there and saw my relative when he was strangling my youngest sister).  They got mad at us and told us what selfish and angry people we were. They told my sisters NOT to go to counseling because they didn't want the police involved! They also let the guy still come over to our house and still wanted to take my youngest sister to go visit him (this is despite the fact that my mother says he beat her as a child - which she conveniently didn't tell us before).  My other sister and I did what we could to try to convince them to keep the guy away.  They weren't happy about it, and I know they brought two of my younger sisters to see the guy at least once or twice after that (I don't know more because I wasn't living there).

   So, I went home to visit my sister in the mental hospital for suicidal children.   I moved away and don't speak to my parents anymore, so it was really stressful seeing them.  They walked in with two of my sisters and told me that if I didn't resolve my problems with them - then I wouldn't be allowed to see my sister in the hospital and that I shouldn't  bother talking to the rest of the family either.  They tried to blame her attempted suicide on me - saying that I said things to try and make my sister hate them.  They also told that to that to the doctor (which is completely untrue - my life doesn't revolve around hating my parents) and said that the doctor thought it might be a bad idea for me to see her (who knows if they were lying).  They also said that they told the doctor about the abuse from my relative and reiterated (which they did a lot before) that the police wouldn't do anything because it was so long ago.  I didn't even bring up the police - they just decided to throw that in.  Anyway, so we went in to see the doctor and I clarified that Amy and I usually talk about normal things like school and tv shows - I certainly don't think it's healthy to constantly dwell on how horrible your parents are.  My parents told the doctor that they didn't think it was fair that they were being blamed for my relatives actions and that they didn't have enough time to react to the situation when he came over to the house (at least a week after we told him what he did).  They also reiterated that my brother was always trying to make me hate them and that he was spreading lies that my mother abused him when he was younger. Of course my dad agreed, but he wasn't even married to my mom when this happened. My parents also went on to say that my relative has parkisans disease (which I found out later that he doesn't) so he wouldn't be a problem anymore.  My mom said she still wants to talk to my relative, even though my little sister acts very angry every time she does. Anyway, there were some things I wanted to talk to the doctor about, but with my parents and my little sister in the room - I couldn't really go into much (since I'm trying not to make my sister more angry at them).

   Now I'm sure that my parents and this whole situation aren't the only reason for my sister's attempted suicide.  She doesn't have a lot of friends and is pretty isolated.  There are about 12 kids her age at her private school and my other sister and I just moved away. She tried to kill herself at camp, and she didn't tell the counselor why she did it.  So we don't really know.  Appearantly, the suicide note was to me, but I didn't see what it said. Whatever the reason, my sister doesn't trust them and they don't seem to have her best interest in mind (I mean they lied to the shrink about the parkasans disease and tried to blame my brother and I for the problem). For all I know they brought her to see him again.  I also don't know that they'll protect her from other people they know are abusive.  They knew our relative was violent to my mom and they didn't tell us, they left me and my sisters at his house all the time, we went to his place almost every holiday, and they didn't do anything good for us when we told them what happened.

  I don't want my sister trying to kill herself again - so I've finally decided to involve the law. I've been looking up the laws, and in California a parent can get up to 6 years in prison for child endangerment and there were multiple instances where where this applies. It's even illegal for them not to have reported the abuse - among the other things that happened. I'm (and my oldest sibling) going to focus on getting my sister out of their custody, but they'll most likely get some jail time as well.  Since they confirmed our stories with a doctor present - it'll be pretty hard for them to deny it in court.

I'm very frustrated right now - you know? All of this should never have happened. 

 

Damn dude.

I think you're doing the right thing I guess I don't know what you want us to say.

I'm stressed, so I just felt like ranting a bit. I wasn't looking for a specific response.

On a side note - when my boss heard about it she got me a plane ticket that day to go see my sister. Otherwise I would have had a really hard time going over there (I think she had some kind of frequent flyer miles though).

Wow, that's really rough... Good luck with everything. You're doing a good thing.

   Yeah, all of this happened in CA - they still live there too.  I don't plan on taking custody of her myself (although I'd be willing and able to if there wasn't another choice).  We actually have a family friend (and her husband) agreed a while back that they could take her if she needed someone to take care of her.  Our family friend is a really great person and we know she would take great care of her.  I'm old enough (24) and I don't have any dependents, but it would be stressful for me and my boyfriend to have to take care of a 14 year old. Of course I'm more concerned about the whole custody thing than the jail thing.

They also said that they told the doctor about the abuse from my relative and reiterated (which they did a lot before) that the police wouldn't do anything because it was so long ago.

Likely nonsense.  I don't know how long ago it was and what California's statutes of limitation on sexual assault/rape are, but it is likely high.  In Massachusetts John Geoghan was charged with several sexual assaults dating all the way back into the seventies during the whole Catholic priest molestation debacle in early 2000.  California is most likely the same because often times sexual abuse, particularly pedophilia is kept under wraps by irresponsible parents, and its not until authorities get involved with the kids that this stuff comes out. 

Had they revealed this kind of abuse to the therapist the issue would've been sent to whatever CA's department of health and human services is, irregardless of the statutes of limitations on the matter.  They are mandated reporters.  They would be putting their license in jeopardy if they don't and open themselves to criminal liability on the matter.  So I doubt very much that your parents told him that they used to let some guy diddle their kids and did nothing about it, nor even called the police.  All that said they sound like a piece of work, and its a good thing you got out of there. 

Anyway, there were some things I wanted to talk to the doctor about, but with my parents and my little sister in the room - I couldn't really go into much (since I'm trying not to make my sister more angry at them).

Say it all in front of them and the doctor.  Force the issue.  Any good psychologist will see the dynamic and read what is going on.  Just don't lose your cool about it.  Call CA's equivalent of child services and report what you know.  Putting them on notice will require them to send an agent to inspect the living situation and investigate the matter, and involve the police if necessary.  If you were sexually abused by this relative or were witness I would go to the police and file charges against the individual.  That would get the ball rolling. 

If you do get child protective services involved, I recommend that you ensure you have proof of your parents' abuse. Testimony might be enough, but bruises etc. will help you along, too. Just make sure that the children involved share your same sentiments -- if they're afraid to speak up, they might work with your parents.

Also, they will make rounds every so often (iirc, once a month or so) so make sure that they come on irregular intervals. Otherwise your parents will anticipate this and make things look good just in time.