as i was doing heart surgery on a patient i recieved a message on my pager from ed mcmahon telling me "you may have already won!!!". i immediately stopped everything and rushed to my office so i could gain more information about what i may have already won. to my dismay this was an elaborate ruse by HL to get me to interview him and if i refused i would face dire consequences (his words: i may have already lose...). anyway here is the interview...

Credits to GZ for this interview.

INSIDE THE GAMER'S STUDIO with HL

by Doctor Doug Beach

as i was doing heart surgery on a patient i recieved a message on my pager from ed mcmahon telling me "you may have already won!!!". i immediately stopped everything and rushed to my office so i could gain more information about what i may have already won. to my dismay this was an elaborate ruse by HL to get me to interview him and if i refused i would face dire consequences (his words: i may have already lose...). anyway here is the interview:

Doug Beach PHD: good evening HL. tell us about yourself ie. job / age / hobby / favourite final fantasy game. in other words i am asking you a more in depth version of A/S/L.

HL: hellor, i am 19, male, and live in the usa and i dont really have any specific hobbies. My job is to make games that don't suck. For now anyways. Also my favorite Final Fantasy game is 8. Everyone hates that one tho.

Doug Beach PHD: many people who make games do it to make money or become famous ie. tom cruse or tom hanks. explain in the greatest detail possible why you choose to make games (in 7 words or less)?

HL: to engage people, the women, the alcohol, and sephiroth......

Doug Beach PHD: wow great detail. please give a synopsis of your game (paragraph if you cannot understand english???) for people who are too lazy to read your post (documentary that no one will read).

HL: A common man who resides in a really poor town ravaged by the strain that war places on his nation, decides he is fed up with the Isilfarans (to the point that he is abandoning his family)and decides to apply his basic swordsmanship skills to the military, and sets off on a ground journey to join his nations army, and kill some f*cking Isilfarans. Along the way he meets up with a bunch of people, hot and sexy women, ugly women, dragons, magicians, and such and realizes that even as much as he hates the Isilfarans for what they have done to his people, that there is something out there greater than the both of them.


i am uncertain what happens in this game however the gold bag has me intrigued

Doug Beach PHD: let's cut the "malarky". tell me why your game a history of ardus will be good

HL: well punk first its spelt ardas...and it's gonna be good because rather than making generic rpg, I decided to focus on a well written story, and make the battles interesting. so many rpgs throw battle after battle at you, and yet they are all boring. The soldiers don't heal each other, the women aren't naked, and the bosses all do super big damage while having a gajillion HP. they're about as interesting as an anime. i'm gonna try and change that with interesting engaging encounters, that feel like "hey, these people might actually be a team" rather than WHYIS GIANTJELLY AND A SOLDIER PAIREDUP???

Doug Beach PHD: why is giant jelly and a solider paired up??? (in other games???)

HL: idk, I guess maybe the soldier just has a hardon for giant jellies?? i guess they are kind of sexy in their own way...

Doug Beach PHD: explain the worst part about your game. basically give me reasons why i should not download the game. this is something i think people would like to hear

HL: the worstpart of my game is that you aren't playing it yet... but if i had to name something, i don't have any custom graphics. :< I don't want to add insane development time and never finish it.


the above illustrates the differences between custom graphics and rips. on the left is custom graphics and on the right ripped graphics.

Doug Beach PHD: what is the currency in your game world ie. do you have gold bars / palladium? this interests me

HL: Palladium....heh. I was originally going to use Gil, but Square-Enix said I was infringing on their creative rights....so I went with something i have a lot of...coins...

Doug Beach PHD: HL after reading your entire game post i have been entranced by a certain character. tell me everything you know about sir darius eldritch

HL: Well, the "enemy kingdom" Isilfar is a kingdom built upon nobility, and one of the noble families is the Eldritch family. They have a kind of a dark past involving sewers and a bunch of other stuff, and they are one of the strongest noble families on Isilfar. Members of the noble family grow up to be Eldritch Knights, warriors who harness this "dark power" and serve the king. He basically spends most of the game looking at pornos and trying to kill you.

Doug Beach PHD: it is to my understanding that you are improving the dialog in the highly successful u.s.g. ~ new beginning ~. first of all this sounds stupid because A. you are not getting paid money and B. it is already in english. please tell me what you are doing to improve the game because this makes no sense.

HL: basically like anything else on gw, it's all about getting your name out there. look at jeff...he's admin. how'd he do it?? the punk got his f*cking name on like 90% of the forums on the main page. eventually one of those red guys take notice...so you know i decided heh...maybe this popular game will help me move up in the world?? even if i'm not getting paid in mad ducats maybe i'll get paid with a promotion. i'm eyeing that G&D modhood, y'know. But I've taken hima's rather poorly-worded at times English (he's a native Thai speaker, soo) and reworded it so people can understand way better. Overall it flows a lot better than it did before, so I'm happy with what I have done!

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Doug Beach PHD: how to download chipsets?

HL: chipsets are a veryrare commodity, i know, so *eyes move back and forth suspiciously*...if you meet me at the docks at 5 tomorrow...I'll give ya the goods...for the right price. Mac & Blue half off onSaturdays

Doug Beach PHD: what is your opinion of working solo on a project (dark soul) versus team work (jovial man)

HL: I dunno, I think they each have their merits. I work solo because for something this kind of scale that's entirely feasible and it doesn't cost me anything + it's faster! Having to pay for slave labor blows. The only con is, if I don't finish this game, all I have to blame is myself, don't have anyone to blame for not doing their jorb but me.

Doug Beach PHD: MAIL BAG: people from gaming world e-mail me questions to ask the interview people. i opened up a random e-mail and this is the question: what is your favourite colour? - strangeluv

HL: this is a real tough question that I think about daily and it really bothers me because, I mean....it's my favorite color?? there are people outthere who can't even see in color, they won't be able to see my color...and people who see color differently. It really bothers me...I just can't stop THINKIN about this scenario. Violet (purple for all the idi*ts out there) is defnitely my favorite color, and there's quite a fair bit of it in my gam.

Doug Beach PHD: hold on a moment i am getting a phone call. ... hello??? yes send the coke to my house. ... this time you better not skimp a few grams. ... alright great the money is under the garden gnome make sure there is no "fuzz" around if you get my drift. ... what the hell is going on! this is the police!? sorry about this i am ordering coca cola the popular soft drink and my delivery man is having problems. i have to go now to solve these problems bye.

HL: ok cya make sure to watchout fo - *passesout*


if you are blind and reading this website using text to speech i will describe this image for you: it is a city from a city of ardus (most likely inside ardus???) with houses and there is water and many other things you would find in a city. GAMER TIP: click on image and computer technology will present a larger image.

A History of Ardus topic

very few games manage to do this but "a history of ardus" has acquired the legendary classy frying pan award. if this is not reason enough to click on the link above then you are probably insane or maybe you are blind and cannot read what i am typing???



editors note: this interview actually spanned 5 hours and we had the most invigourating conversation the world has ever seen. unfortunately my head fell on the keyboard and it deleted all the good parts so it is not my fault.

that frying pan is mine

DONT YOU DARE TRY TO STEAL MY FRYING PAN

Great interview! Great interview! Encore! Encore!

I declare this interview officially scrumptrilassent!