Topic: Top 7 Greatest American Cartoons [lists] [humor] (Read 1828 times)

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Aside from comic books and Republicans, there are few things more respected in the United States of America than animated television programming.  Every warm blooded citizen of all ages tunes in to watch their favorite cartoon show.  They offer us witty political commentary, seething satire, and accurate historic information. The following is a list of America's greatest cartoons; these are progressive and revolutionary toons that changed the way American's thought. 

#8: Turbo Teen


Brett Matthews was an average teenager when his car swerved off a road during a thunder storm and crashed into a top secret government laboratory where he was exposed to an experimental beam that fused him with his car.  Whenever he's exposed to extreme heat, man and car fuse together and he becomes the amazing TURBO TEEN.



Turbo Teen was THE definition of the American Dream; apple pie, action scenes, and fast cars.  Brett Matthews was a upstanding, god fearing American who studied hard and imparted his wisdom for the next generation of tykes to heed and grow from.  In addition to the clever plotlines and tight scripting, Turbo Teen introduce the world to the first broadcast interracial relationship.



Our white women would never suck a Caucasian cock again.  When thou goest black, thou never goest back -Corinthians 32:12

#7 Mighty Max


(so young, so vulnerable...)

A word of advice, fellow readers.  If you find a baseball cap with your first initial printed on it, please wear it.  You may become the "chosen one" fated to save our world.  You may be teamed up with a barbarian who rips and shreds every perceived threat.  You could be paired up with a talking bird who happens to be a walking encyclopedia.



But most importantly, you could be a fast talking, athletic, and quick thinking Caucasian boy with plot armor and moxie.

If you find a baseball cap with your first initial printed on it... please, for the sake of our world and our fine country... WEAR IT.  Cherish it. 


(Max also made a guest appearance in The Secret of Evermore as the leading character)

And never forget.

#6 Butt Ugly Martians

I don't think anyone watched Butt Ugly Martians.



Which is a crying shame because it's the best computer generated technology has to offer us.  What appears to be a marketing push to release cheap toys that tie into a poorly animated series is actually a touching story about immigration.  You see, the BUM are from another planet (presumably Saturn but considering their Butt ugly it's probably Uranus) and they wish to blend in with the American populace.  Unfortunately, their brethren wish to force their way into America instead of learning about our history and becoming naturalized citizens.

(watch them morph into BKM mode where they fight for freedom and promote courage *sniff*)

At the end of every episode, the BUM defeat their invading fellows and teach the children watching that it's okay to be different... as long as you try your hardest to blend in with everyone else.

#5 Bots Master

For the first time in the world, two of America's greatest loves where combined in holy matrimony; rapping and robots.


No introduction necessary; no discussion needed.  If you do not like robots and if you do not like rap, you're either a tone deaf Luddite or a communist.

Do not tell me you're the latter.

#4 Cro

Allow me to regale you with the creation of our Earth.  About a hundred years ago, a genie riding a dinosaur rose from the primordial ooze, nodded her head, and created the animals, humans, and nations that defined our history. 


Cro is the story of creation; a tale, told from the perspective of a woolly mammoth, about an intelligent Cro-Magnon educating the ignorant Neanderthals while battling dinosaurs and sabretooth tigers.  Continuing our progressive cartoon theme, Cro was the first creationist cartoon.



Even now, to this day, no other studio has recalled the birth of our world more accurately than Cro.

#3 Biker Mice From Mars

This is a war story.

(The theme song depicting the war against terror and corruption)

This is a war story about three mice, fighting a battle in a foreign land and returning home with injuries.


(each mouse carries their own injuries from the Martian war against terror; they kick butt and look FABULOUS while doing it)

The people hate them.  Their neighbors spit on them.  Their family turned their back on them.  In response, the biker mice rode away into the sunset; always fighting, always defending, and never forgetting.  This is a series that addresses the concern every American has; should I honor my country's soldiers even though they are no better than rapists and murderer's?

This editor says yes. 

This editor says yes.



Biker Mice from Mars.  Mice ride together.  Mice die together.  BIKER MICE FOR LIFE.

#2 Young King Arthur

Okay, you know how when you're taking a poop and you start wiping but you get that bubbling feeling in your guts but you continue wiping anyways?  Then, right when the paper comes out of your butt hole clean, you begin to relax and more poop slides out.



It's not a lot of poop... maybe a 3 or 4 on a 10-scale poop rating.  But still, you just wasted several feet of tissue paper making sure your butthole is clean but now there's a fresh line of poop staining the inner linings of your rectum and you have to clean it.



*Sigh*  I hate it when this happens.

#1: Widget the World Watcher

Here it is, the ultimate American cartoon.  The animated series that all children should watch.



In the early 90s, Generation X realized that the Baby Boomer's screwed up the earth and it was time for a change!  Widget, a purple alien from outer space, is a shape changing alien who fights against poachers and pollution.  While most kids learned how to save the environment from Captain Planet, Widget was more progressive than that for you see, Widget was the first character to support gay rights.


(Widget seen with his lover battling against an oppressive Intolerobot)

His purple color scheme symbolizes royalty as in being royally gay.  His neck rings symbolize unity; two rings being the unity between two men.  His tail, an upside down 'M' (and not a 'W' as many think) means "Man-on-Man" proving that Widget isn't afraid to be true to himself.



As a shapeshifter, Widget had the power to assume various forms to battle evil and promote same sex relationships; an octopus, with the power to hug and squirt prismatic ink; A robotic commando who battles against adversity; a rapping pee wee baseball coach who teaches young boys it's alright to one with your inner gay; a four armed monster with a pink bow proving that even the ugliest lovers can share a tender moment; And a hulking one eyed beast symbolizing the ferocity of intimate intercourse.

(this theme song reeks of FABULOUS)

We Americans salute you Widget.  You were years ahead of the pack.
Last Edit: December 19, 2008, 07:56:06 pm by Marcus
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All I remember is that BUM showed for like...two weeks on Nickelodeon and never again, until years later when they showed ONE episode and then never again.
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whoa does widget have an episode where there is a business meeting with guys without mouths?

if so holy shit I have seen that show an incredibly long time ago...

ive seriously been wondering for about a decade what fucking show that was 'cause i remember it was awesome and had some purple dude with some kind of POWER and that really seems like the one :o
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All I remember is that BUM showed for like...two weeks on Nickelodeon and never again, until years later when they showed ONE episode and then never again.

butt ugly was too progressive for a philistine network like nickelodeon.

Quote
whoa does widget have an episode where there is a business meeting with guys without mouths?

yes.  there was also an nes game by fatlus and a snes game called super widget which retained the homosexual overtones.
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I have a list meself.

http://www.gamingw.net/forums/index.php?topic=7384.0
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I've seen Turbo Teen, Mighty Max, Cro, and Biker Mice from Mars.

I was traumatized by Turbo Teen when I first saw it... I actually got high fever.
Might Max... don't remember it as much.
Cro... saw it at the same time as the original Sonic cartoons (the one with the kick-ass introduction)
Biker Mice from Mars... meh.

80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part1
80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part2
80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part3
80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part4
80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part5
80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part6
80's Cartoon Intro Overload Part7

They have a 90's and 00's one but I'm lazy.
Last Edit: December 19, 2008, 10:11:09 pm by stupid systemus
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where the fuck is street sharks you unprofessional so-and-so
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The original TMNT series and The Tick are always up there in my top  :fogetcool:
. .  .   salty is right
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where the fuck is street sharks you unprofessional so-and-so

biker mice > extreme dinosaurs > street sharks.

sorry but this is the truth
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oh man I fucking hated BUM when it was on. and christ someone post a few more lists so we can push the motivational poster off the front page
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Butt-Ugly Martians was Canadian and Bots Master was French.  Looks like someone didn't do his research... :fogetnah:
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Butt-Ugly Martians was Canadian and Bots Master was French.  Looks like someone didn't do his research... :fogetnah:

I'm afraid you're incorrect.  You see, the money used to fund the animation studio comes from American dollars thus the studios are owned by Americans.  Canada is also under American jurisdiction and France is just America Jr. with more cheese.

Please do your research, Man-O-War.
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What about Reboot and TMNT? This list is just great American Cartoons of the 80's-early 90's or of all time?
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Also I downloaded Biker Mice From Mars and I watched about half the series before I realized I didn't know why I was watching it anymore.  I don't remember my opinions on it anymore either.  Its like that portion of my life is a blank in which all I remember is watching half the series.
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I don't know if you guys seen this cartoon before.  It was called "Comic Strip" and they had 4 interchanging shows that alternate every episode.  2 shows are show at about 15 minutes each for "Comic Strip."  The shows were TigerSharks, Karate Kat, Mini Monsters, and Street Frogs.

TigerSharks was kind of like ThunderCats and SilverHawks.
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tale spin should be up there
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Man, I remember begging my mom for Biker Mice From Mars action figures when i was like 10. Just curious, any one remember Bobby's World. The one with Howey Mandel or however you spell his name.
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Man, I remember begging my mom for Biker Mice From Mars action figures when i was like 10. Just curious, any one remember Bobby's World. The one with Howey Mandel or however you spell his name.

I forgot about it, so I looked it up.  I remember now.  I would race home from middle school to watch this show.  They show it after Beetleborgs.
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BUM was amazing.

That is all.
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Wait, I don't understand, do you actually like these shows or you are just being sarcastic? Because I remember you calling turbo teen retarded shit(well, it is), so it's kind of weird seeing it here.

anyways I really liked botsmaster, it had lot of stupid shit in it but the concept and the environment were awesome.


and man it had fuckin 3d parts in it how cool is that
Last Edit: December 21, 2008, 11:57:51 am by #1 Vodka fan