(This is a topic I made on .org, I'd like to repost it here as I feel it would get a much higher quality of response/discussion here than there.  Just in case it seems familiar to the few of you that go to both places.)

I have a friend who, on a semi-regular basis, gives me flack about what I do with my spare time.  "Why would you waste all your time inside staring at some sort of screen," he'd say while waving his arm toward two billowing curtains draping a large window with a bluer-than-blue sky and greener-than-green grass with a big yellow smiley face sun and a bunny hopping behind a bush, "when there's a whole world out there?"

Now because he's my friend, I generally don't feel anything threatening by it.  However my parents, when I still talked to them regularly, made the same criticisms of my life, and when I was still totally dependant on them (as well as being a good lil' girl) I found them to hold a bit more weight.  But this time, I decided to look back on the subject a little closer, as my friend brought it up again and we got into the topic a bit more this time.

Now I expect the average response to be "Well if you like doing it, and you can afford to do it, why not do it?"  Another individual I've met, a nursing student now off on her final year placement, mentioned once that "an addiction is medically classified a hobby that you begin to do instead of essentials, like sleep/eat/work/etc.  So if you're doing everything you need for survival, and then spending every other waking moment on one activity, you're not an addict."  Which is fine, really.  These two responses are the same things I use to justify spending most of my recreational time playing video games, surfing the net, and watching television/movies/anime/etc. 

But what if there's a bit more to it than that?

Here let me frame this with a portion of our conversation as my thoughts are a little jumbled:

Him: Why not go out there and experience life?
Me: I've seen your list of things you call "life" (it consists of hanging out with friends, being sociable, going to movies or concerts or bars or parties, attending interesting lectures or book readings at university, etc) and none of them interest me, I would rather forge my own definition of "life" based on my own hobbies and preferences.
Him: Well what do you consider "life" then, I mean you don't seem to care about self-improvement and your only form of self-gratification is gained by retreating into games.  You're a shut-in.
Me: The words we use code underlying meanings, like the fact that you believe I "retreat into games" rather than the more positively worded "Exploring games" or just "playing games".
Him: You retreat into games specifically because you're hiding from the rest of the world.
Me: What if i'm not hiding, I just have no interest in anything that goes on out there?

You can kind of get the idea.  His argument is that there's a whole lot of interesting stuff out there and that I'm throwing myself away by simply staying inside - sure ultimately I can say "fuck off sonny it's my life" but he IS my friend and I can't help but feeling like he's warning me about something I've overlooked.  However on the other hand my argument is that I HAVE been outside, I HAVE participated in a lot of social events (from drama to sports to dorm-room style get-together activity house point bullshit to outdoorsey hobbies like fishing or rock climbing or hiking or whatever,) and found NONE of them to be appealing whatsoever.

Me: Your issue with what I do is that all the things i derive pleasure from, be they computers, games, internet, books, etc, are all indoor and solitary activities... what's wrong with that
Him: All things in moderation.
Me: But what's the point of having them in moderation if I've already explored other options and found them to be unenjoyable?

In the end this invariably leads back to his vague definition of "enjoying life", which generally means (for him) social interaction with others.  I go to school and I hold down a job.  I have profs I don't like, classmates I don't like, roommates I don't like, coworkers I don't like, and customers I don't like.  I almost invariably find other people to be hell - just things I need to deal with so I can go the fuck home and do what I like to do.  However, he (and he is in the vast majority in our society) hold up this social interaction as one of the greatest of life's experiences.

Him: Life is comedy between pals, fighting and rivalry friendly-style between them, the same with enemies as well, though to a lesser extent.
Me: I don't find this to be appealing, I've only experienced it a rare few times and it's nothing special.
Him: But those rare few times are what you should be living for!  You should be looking back at the end of your life thinking of those moments and saying "That was the best experience of my life!"
Me: I don't want to live stringing together snippets of "best time evar" memories together on a cheap plastic Bratz do-it-yourself necklace kit.  Maybe other people can live their life like that, but I can't.

I don't want to have a life where I force myself to like a group of people so I can create memories with them and constantly relive those memories when those people aren't around.  People like this, these socialites end up marrying the first person they find that can stand them not out of any kind of love but out of sheer loneliness and fear of being alone at death.  They have children that walk all over them with a mate they didn't like, and spend the rest of their years looking back on the "hight of their life" with a heaving sigh.

I don't want that.  And I've found that immersing myself in other worlds than the "real" one - video games, shows, movies, anime, books, novels, the INTERNET - I am constantly bombarded by new experiences, new ways of thought, new ways of viewing reality... Why should I give this up for a few "timeless memories" that I can pine away for as I grow old and crusty?  It's like an old grumpy saggy titty woman looking at her high school yearbook photo of her being a cheerleader.

Think about it, we've probably all done this one before.  Ever sat at the computer at maybe 7 PM and opened an interesting wikipedia link, and read, and thought it was really intriguing so you opened related topics and read them, and kept absorbing more information, and being genuinely entertained on a semi-intellectual level by reading all of this neat stuff, and suddenly holy crap it's 3 AM I have work in four hours oh shit oh shit oh shit.  We've all done that, we all know what it's like.  This is a prime example of the kind of thing I'm talking about.  You'll probably never remember the stuff you read about, but while you were reading you were, on some level, being intellectually stimulated.  If you could constantly do this, be exposed to new methods of thought, new philosophies, new theories, new stories, new ways of being entertained... would you give it up?

Is it so bad that I enjoy isolation from other people?  I still go to school, go to work, pay my bills - do everything required to fill survival needs and any other responsibilities.  Any time, money, energy etc I have left over when those tasks are accomplished I can do with what I want, so why is there such a massive push to be social, especially on those who have no desire to be?  Why should I force myself to attend events I'm not interested in to see people I don't like?  How did the 'unhealthy' label even get applied to people living this way?  Is it because they don't have any friends or they don't go out?  But if they WILLINGLY have no friends and have no desire to go out, is that unhealthy?  Why is the 'unhealthy' label slapped to people who simply want to do what they need to do socially to live and then be left to their own devices?



tl;dr - Is it so bad to avoid social interaction and isolate yourself from others?  If you willingly do it, derive pleasure from it, enjoy your life, and still manage to not act unadjusted when you DO go into public, can you still be labeled psychologically unhealthy?

I can relate. I used to get the EXACT same shit from my dad... but he did it so often and was around so often as well as having the power to actually take video games and computer AWAY from me, literally made me, by habit, stop playing video games and computers after a certain amount of time... he INGRAINED it in me... and it drives me nuts because I end up quitting and then doing the equivalent of nothing... its like he built a mental block keeping me from enjoying the things I like...

I also could care less about other activities in THE GREAT OUTDOORS or FAMILY EVENTS and shit. Hell my friends had to drag me to the Renfest last week because all I wanted to do was watch movies and play video games.

however on the topic of "being social" however I disagree with both you and your friend. I mean technically you are socializing with your friend when you talking to him about socializing. Your friend is trying to push what he thinks is fun on to you... (which Farmrush has already effectively explained)

Posting on this forum is technically a form of socialization, playing video games online can potentially be social (though socialization is typically better at LAN parties or those casual splitscreen gaming weekends). I mean JUST GOING OUT THERE isn't the only way you can socialize.

Socialization comes in many forms, and can be and has been adapted to the stuff you like... so socialize through those things.

Cool! Have fun being isolated, socially crippled, and limiting your experiences in life to the realms of videogames and anime where every decision has already been made for you and all you've got to do is sit there passively and soak it in like a sponge.

whatever charges your batteries i guess

but she said that she tried other stuff, she just stopped because it bored her, so she HASN'T limited her experiences. and I'm not quite understanding you on the "every decision has been made for you" when it comes to anime and movies, etc your not making decisions but that's not the point and in video games that is only the case in some games on typically only in single player campaigns.

talking on a forum is not the same as sitting down and talking to someone in person. i don't know a whole lot but i know this. just going out there is not the only way to socialize, but it is not equivalent to playing nude poker online.

I never said it was... I said it is another form of socialization. It isn't necessarily a strong one, but it is a form of it.

EDIT: Have you tried playing D&D or GURPS with a big group of friends, Dissonance?

gurps. i play gurps all the time. Im a bit of a gurpser. Got to get my gurps on all the time. I was a gurper since I was a baby.

LOL... ok maybe I should have explained what GURPS is, and also the question obviously wasn't pointed at you... but whatever
GURPS stands for Generic Universal RolePlaying System. It basically an alternative to D&D (a better one in my humble opinion) because everything in it is based at least somewhat in reality and you don't have to play only in a medieval fantasy world.

something tells me she hasn't gone out and tried everything the outside world has to offer, or has even made much of an effort.in videogames you are interacting with a predetermined environment that someone has programmed for you, there are no decisions you can make in videogames that have not already been made by the designers of the limited virtual environment.

You are likely correct, but you don't know for certain. Even so, she may have tried to the point where it leaves her with the impression that there isn't anything that she'd like outside of the real of such entertainment, like real life: 0, Video games and other media and internet: BAZILLION

also, Video Games are reaching a point where the environment isn't so limited. And real life is limited to. There is a time limit, you only have 1 life and no saving, and almost all repercussions are permanent. then there is PAIN, which you don't feel in a video game... I'll admit, arguing against REAL LIFE is sort of absurd but eh yeah...

In movies you're not even interacting at all. These things are fine to enjoy a little bit at a time, but to decide that you're going to forgo real life and instead put this shit at the center of your existence is really pathetic.

Like I said... interaction isn't the point of films so your argument against them is puzzling to me.

Who said she has completely forgone everything else in life.
and yeah again I'll admit the question may seem absurd to you: Why is it pathetic to focus on such things?

lots of people focus on single things through out their life, great people.

Do you not think it is possible for someone to just not like anything else other then video games, anime, movies, etc?