(various nice things i should have responded to)
W-what?? w-w-w... WHAT?? 8^O 8=====^O 8^O ... >:^8 ?! what the fuck man!! your posts are good!! what the heck!! please don't delete them!!! please!!! :^_( _
EDIT don't hurt yourself!!! also i reaaaaaaaally doubt you dont know ANYTHING about games design... >;^2 ?? they were probably good posts even if you didnt think so...! >;^4 youre hella suspicious...! >;^d dont take a shit on yourself!!! don't decice your worth beforehand... >:^8 Believe In Yourself! :^>
i really know nothing!!!! i sort of feel that there is nothing objective to be said about games. like, every time i think of something that could maybe be considered 'true', there are a million ways to disprove it. i sometimes think they're entirely about taste, the niche-iest forms of art? and sometimes i just don't like them at all. and sometimes i read game design articles and think, 'hmm, game design' and i don't agree, but i try to vocalise why and i just think i'm being just as prescriptive and reductionist about it, or something? i really don't know.
when talking about these things in 'meatspace', i find myself mid-thesis just going 'and yeah... game design! hurrah!' rather than finish the obviously narrow minded thought i'm probably trying to form. like, i catch myself being all designey-winey and because i mostly hate reading or hearing this stuff, i stop in my tracks?
i sometimes wonder if the games i like only exist in my imagination, and that they wouldn't be to my taste if i actually played them.
i loved playing kings field iv very drunkenly the other night. i loaded it up specifically because i wanted to feel the 6s death that you can achieve by starting a new game while holding NE on the stick. does that go some way to explain what i mean? like, how niche they are? like, i wanted that specific experience that day and time? i don't know. i turned off the game after that.
i tell myself other things are more interesting to me personally than design, (not to belittle those for whom it is important...) like, i can't help but feel there's that craft element which can be learned or chipped away at until it is a smooth thing, and the design aspect is actually just a puzzle with an ideal solution, so why discuss it? but other things, such as theme and atmosphere (THE ART, MAN, THE ART!), are things that i convince myself that i'm personally looking for? i guess i could speak about these aspects of games i'm playing (very few these days, beyond a casual toe in the water etc) but i don't feel qualified to vocalise these things. i'm not an artist any more than i'm a designer!
i've played a lot of games for short periods of time lately. nothing's really grabbed me, though. i quite enjoyed the periphery around Willy's Great Adventure but out of nostalgia alone, probably. i love that it was made 28 years ago, and that its design has no modern concessions. feels like an unearthed relic.
i have enjoyed the general 'madness' (that old arcade game thing of the bigger the better, "we're gonna give you the BIGGEST SPRITES EVER! some of them are TALLER THAN THE SCREEN!") of the following games lately: Vanquish, Metal Gear Rising and Shadows Of The Damned.) sometimes i think i like this kind of game at the moment because i want some brain junk to unwind to (like, even having multiple paths or the possibility of secrets is too much for my OCD brain which cannot proceed when it looks as if there is a hidden something somewhere?) these games all go: here you are, a level, a cutscene, a boss, a cutscene, a bigger boss, a cutscene, a bigger boss with two of the other previously biggest bosses on top of it?
i like and play far less indie games than i should. i am mean-spirited about them, and i am a whore for 'polish', despite finding most polished games infuriatingly shallow, so that excludes a lot of shorter works where they are high-concept but not very designey-winey. then again, i play larger indie games from time to time, and mostly feel that they're too design focussed, to the detriment of their meaning and atmosphere. make your mind up, jasper!
i watch videos of old spectrum / msx / colecovision / etc games a lot, and imagine polished games that look like them. i don't know what that means.
i recently bought both a 3ds and a vita, because i am releasing a game on the latter (and possibly the former too) i enjoyed the reductionist survival horror of RE:REVELATIONS. i like that it's dumbed down enough that i can consume it like a tv show, despite craving (and attempting to make) the complete opposite kind of game in the same genre.
so i realise as i'm writing this that i mostly play junk. and yet i tell myself i'm looking for some magical piece of art that will somehow fit my aesthetic perfectly (and this is the theme of my new game), but i'm clearly looking in the wrong places (maybe silent hill 2 is the only example i can think of which has everything on my 'checklist'?) i don't know why i expect to find this work on a ps2/3/gc/saturn/etc/etc instead of, say, the indiesphere?
my method of designing stuff is a combo of enough monkeys + typewriters, and endless imposing of my wip games on friends until they give me all the design answers i can't figure out myself. so maybe i don't even do my own design? i'm just not a terry cavanagh / increpare / michael brough who live and breathe it. and yet i find most games infuriatingly designed, even if i can't vocalise why. in fact, people like the catamites seem far better able to vocalise what it is i'm looking for, the intangible nature of it. my new game is about this yearning for something, the ultimate-thing-within-your-niche-aesthetic, which seems to me ultimately empty and fruitless, partly because i can't put my finger on what it is i'm looking for. i say to myself i love theme above all, and i focus heavily on that, yet the stuff i actually play rarely gives two shits about it.
the more i'm writing, the more i realise i don't even know what i'm trying to say and this always happens when i try to talk about these things. i will shut up now.
(i fought the urge to delete this, but, well, here it is)