drink that protein shit creotine or whatever it is, supposed to make you bigger but you got to work out when you're taking it or you'll get fat. Unless you just take it and stop before you get too fat.

I work out the old fashioned way, I carry ton heavy steel beams around deck on my back and then climb up the mast and jump off and swim around the ship until it starts spinning in a circle like a turd in a toilet bowl,

I think I heard creotine was bad for you but there are other protein supplements you can take

there were some swastkias spray painted in my estate today. i saw three in the morning, then driving back one of them had disappeared. that one was on the fence of someone's house, so i guess they got out and removed it. there are a bunch more drawn on the walls of a block of flats nearby, though. and on the window of one of the flats someone wrote 'junkie bastards' and then a smiley face underneath that. also the name 'fusion skinheads' was written underneath one of the swastikas.

i am in a bad mood.

that blows jamie. fusion skinheads, at least they know their shit.

why? what does fusion mean?

stolen bible is better

god it's so surreal to me that there's HIDEO KOJIMA BLOG and shit. I miss the old days when like, well I'm sure the people who design Final Fantasy are complete hipster douches too but I miss the whole mystery about it like game designers were just these mysterious BRINGERS OF GAMES and I mean part of it is just being young and something as complicated as a game just seems so UNTOUCHABLE and now I'm like 'whatever any fag can make a movie album book etc' but it's still distressing hearing like a SAMPLE of his thoughts like the stuff he thought was worth sharing with people and it's just this shit. I can't really remember the content but it sounded like a retard engrish version of andy rooney

Edit: Andy looney

in general I think part of the whole distress about games and GAMING I see on GW is like... maybe we should just never read up/watch anything related to games on the internet, ever

like also it is kind of soul-crushing how many people upload their Mario Paint songs/animations and it just takes all the fun out of CREATING something... apparently it's about as unique a thing to have done as BREATHING

knowing too much about anything will make you sick of it. i've been cutting back on my info-feed about some stuff. also, it helps me define my own opinions on things better by not having 50 idiots rattling inside my head trying to get me to agree with them. i nearly ruined the joy of twin peaks by watching a bunch of stupid cast members whine about the second seasons direction.

although it is kind of good feeling when just so many people like something and then you're like completely on your own 'this is bullshit' - like Boards of Canada sorry

although that does feel a little like just because so many people liked it I got sick of it so yeah actually that's the same exact thing

Edit: I was saying a while back I still think the Matrix movies are... they're not good as far as the final goal of making a movie but they do have nice THINGS about them. Like a certain shot or moment can be interesting as an isolated thing, like you like the idea they had in that moment and decided to film it. In general I think people try too hard to make a cohesive idea out of things like Metal Gear Solid 4 might be the most METAL GEAR thing in Kojima's mind and he truly honestly wanted the game to be like this from the start but I think for normal people the scale of interest goes MGS1-->4 with 1 being the most interesting/compelling. Maybe I just hate FLESHED-OUT ideas things that are fleshed out are so boring

Edit: But yeah I'm all about ideas on the PERIPHERY of other ideas. Like your music can sound like final fantasy if you want just as long as you streamline it down to what was compelling about their music in the first place

Edit: I do miss the whole thing like even as early as Metal Gear Solid 2 Snake was just this MASCOT like a walking talking action figure whatever the fuck happened to the player being yourself. I mean in MGS1 Snake was there and he was sort of a written-out character but he also was just a guy in this raw wintery environment, like you vs. who knows what

this is kind of related to my idea: flashback to some random show you watched as a kid. Some shows won't work but something like ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK. Watch it and do you recognize any of the kids from the show (aside from omg she ended up on That 70's Show wtf (don't know if anybody on AYAotD is really on That 70's Show just an example because it sounds believable)) or did your mind just blur it into the image of boy kid girl kid because at least in my experience that was more of a roleplaying show for me like it was just a bunch of kids so you could imagine 'hey I'm a kid too I could be in this situation', putting yourself in their shoes more than like memorable character (not saying that there weren't some episodes with memorable characters and you might recognize/remember the name of somebody in one episode, just in general they were sort of generic kid)

Edit: oh yeah I might of said this before but I think I can articulate this better now. I didn't like Raiden too much in MGS2 but I liked the whole concept, I think there was this psychological effect to it how Raiden is constantly like 'what would the legendary solid snake do' and really everything he does in the course of the game is just as crazy as anything Snake would do, makes his way through this facility full of potentially endless armed mercenaries possibly with nothing but a tranquilizer gun, shoots down a harrier without getting blown to pieces, kills a fucking VAMPIRE etc. etc. but it kind of just happens without feeling like this major accomplishment and obviously the character of Raiden would have like the lowest self-esteem ever if he doesn't feel a little badass after all that. But you know like it's delegitamized (actual word right?) just because you're not Solid Snake when you do these things

I forget how that relates to whatever else I wrote it was just something I had thought about

Edit: also yeah it's not just other people's opinions... like did I mention I'm pretty sure I mentioned I'm 95% sure Massive Attack (whoever the hell the group consists of now) are 9/11 Truthers and that kind of spoiled things for me

Edit: lol rambling

I quit watching a couple episodes after they revealed who killed laura because it seemed like they were willing to ruin the characters (eg audrey, the army dad) and the whole show just to keep it going. I don't know if that's the case but I came to this conclusion without no stinkin interviews or whiners

but I agree about ruining things with too much info and I think a lot of successful entertainment generates its own mystery. things are always better when you're in the process of learning about them and there's still so much more left to uncover. but then again a lot of people who try to attain this fail and instead of creating anything interesting it's just this big mess of useless information that no one should ever care about

edit: also I remember reading that some asian cultures feel the opposite, they dislike mystery and are only comfortable when everything within their sphere of existence is predictable and known. that sounds like an awful way to live

ragnar style edit: back when I used to read fantasy novels, I think this sense of mystery I'm talking about is what made me love some series and really hate others. lotr and drizzt I thought were great, but at the same time I didn't understand how anyone could waste their time reading stuff like the sword of shannara or the wheel of time. both tolkein and salvatore always had these neat maps with all these cool-sounding locations I couldn't wait to read about and they'd introduce different cultures and locales. now thats good fantasy

I quit watching a couple episodes after they revealed who killed laura because it seemed like they were willing to ruin the characters (eg audrey, the army dad) and the whole show just to keep it going. I don't know if that's the case but I came to this conclusion without no stinkin interviews or whiners

i've only ever watched up to episode 2x09 and i make a point of it! i was warned by my girlfriend beforehand and the whole twin peaks experience was kept as this very sharply defined, great thing for me. i have wasted it A LITTLE but i think this was the case in which I began to realise that just because someone appeared as a guest star in an episode of a show i liked once does not mean i need to read their opinions on the health care debate....for example.

this "audrey"... how can she act so freely, without the guidance of a Man? this season we will show what a silly girl she really is, and she will latch onto bobby briggs, needing his support like a suckling pig to a sow. nothing after 2x09 is canon

edit I guess audrey not being as in control as we all thought is an integral part of her character but the rest is pucky.

Baudrey? ugh i'm gagging
don't even tell me

I think it's a little more than mystery, more like somebody else's idea being the springboard for a bunch of impressions which even if somebody like Hideo Kojima says something completely unrelated about onion flavored milkshakes or something to some extent it's still putting you in some hideo kojima lens when you play the game next? I mean if you mean 'ruining the mystery' mostly in a SPOILER way

There are lots of different things to talk about in this area and it is kind of hard to avoid conflating them all, so i'm gonna dive in with some bullet points

• isolated ideas

yeah i think i agree that there are aspects of things that you can appreciate despite the whole of the thing it came from not being so amazing. almost every video game is an example of this, and it is the reason why i guess alot of us are compelled to play rpg after rpg despite these games being largely terrible. if you are creative, then it is even useful because you can latch on to those little moments in things (which were probably even accidental, most of the time) and let them grow in your own mind.

i remember REALLY liking this one particular shot in the movie jacob's ladder. that isn't a good movie, but this shot made new york look a way that it had never really looked to me before. the picture i was looking at looked like it was taken in a reality just tiny little to the left of ours, very similar, but the things which inhabited it were strange and eerie. the film's atmosphere in the early stages kind of encouraged the eerie reading but my memory and enjoyment of that particular shot has next to nothing to do with the film, and it's use in this particular badly made movie doesn't diminish how interesting it was to me. this particular feeling is the same reason i liked the silent hill games. they are so badly made most of the time but they occasionally tap into something very interesting which i find fascinating, creepy and cool.

basically, i think yes you can get unexpected things out of everything and while there is totally a need for discerning taste, just because something racks up a few more points on the crappy side, it doesn't destroy all of the interesting ideas involved. even if those ideas are accidental, or just the indications of something that was never explored.

• over-exposure

i have been working on my bad habit of immediately checking wikipedia/etc after i read a book, watch a movie or tv show, or listen to music or play a game. i don't want to experience something then immediately become saturated with information of who made it and how and when and why it was made.

i'm not saying understanding the context of, uh, art is not important but i think i am destroying my ability to think critically about things by having all of that information immediately served up to me, taking on the opinions i happen to agree with most, and then shelving whatever experience it happens to be as 'finished'.

knowing too much about the creator of something can totally ruin it for you as well, yeah. you'll get some big surprises sometimes (oh you know that musician you love? he's a racist prick) which are probably worth losing your love for something over (i am not sure if my little brother knows who john mayer really is, and i have been considering giving him the low down on that trashbag). however there is other stuff like reading how david lynch once made a comment about liking ronald reagan. david lynch has been kind of a big guy for me the past few months so i am sorry for overusing him as an example but yeah, david lynch as a person does seem a little...something. it's a bit too easy to read some of his stuff as very conservative american pride stuff (has anyone seen the straight story? it put me in a bad mood with david lynch for weeks. it is so fucking bad). but david lynch is nuts, right? and he's said other stuff like republicans should all move to another country (allegedly - and really all of this is just hearsay crap from the internet anyway), so whatever, his politics are confusing, and really, totally irrelevant because his movies are too fucking interesting to dismiss them over that boring shit.

the straight story is kind of an issue but i don't know. i have more to say, but i want to see what other people say to see if i am making any sense first.

• background noise

this is easy. don't do the same stuff all the time! if you love anything, that passion is just gonna dwindle if you stick it on the lappy just for five minutes while you eat your microwaved rice.

also, it becomes so much easier to get enthralled by the surface of things this way, i think. my little brother had some mock the week type shit on tv last week and i came in and asked him 'why are you watching this crap' and he said he liked the atmosphere it creates and...nah. i'm not joining in with that.



taking a break!!!