fucking aa. i keep trying to buy into it and falsely remember them saying something like 'it's okay not to believe in god. the power greater than ourselves can just be other people, or moral good' but that isn't the truth...that isn't the point to their thing. it's actually discouraging but fuck that and fuck this asshole i am reading for saying things like 'we held our human intelligence as the one and all...the alpha and omega.....pretty vain of us, wasn't it?'. also saying things like 'if life was created out of nothing, then it follows that it means nothing and is leading nowhere'. that isn't what i am about at all! of course it all leads somewhere, but i have good reasons for finding the concept of a god or even a higher power at all totally useless and i'm not about to abandon them out of desperation which is essentially what they are preaching.
they say it's okay to be atheist! don't worry about it - we never believed in god either. well, until we changed our minds. then we got saved.
I am not willing or even able to give up my way of looking at life just so I can stop drinking. I don't want to, it would mean I would be somebody else and I don't want to be because I like myself apart from this one issue. I'm not saying AA meetings are a bad idea, I have only ever been to one in my entire life and it preceded one of the longest stretches of sobriety I have had. I never accepted the idea of a higher power and I never will I'd rather try on my own and fail. In fact, my only choice is to try on my own. By that I mean by my own willpower, not without the help of other people. Maybe that will be necessary, I don't know. I don't have it figured out yet, OBVIOUSLY.