i have had a reaaally tough time dealing with steel's death. there's a lot of thoughts going around in my head that are really unsettling... and i miss steel a lot. i wish he was here to help me deal with this, hah.
as part of my healing (or whatever you'd call it), i've decided to volunteer at a children's cancer hospital. i remember that steel once said that the most depressing thing he had seen in all of this was the little kids around at the hospital... and so, being a creative/artistic person, i called the local cancer hospital and asked if i could help with art therapy for the kids. they said they do accept volunteers of my age, so now i'm excited to go there and cheer up the kids and let them know that i can relate to them. and it feels great to know that steel would be proud of me for it.
i'm also writing a story for NaNoWriMo (which steel thought was cool) that focuses a lot on mortality and death. it makes me sad to think about it but it's important. i had a lot of awesome discussions about that stuff with steel, and i feel like it's good for me to write about it.
yesterday i talked to my mom about steel. in the past she would have thought that reacting like this to an internet friend was weird, but she's come to realize that you really CAN know people on the internet. she let me hang out with people at the ontario gw meet this past summer, and that was cool. anyways, it was really helpful to talk with my mom about all this. she knows how i feel; she had a sorta similar event happen when she was 12 years old (her brother's best friend fell off a balcony and died), and she also had a lot of thoughts about mortality plaguing her.
and then today i told my dad about steel. i knew he would understand because he also has a lot of friends online. in fact, he told me a story that was pretty inspiring and i thought some people here might think it was cool... see, my dad had a really close friend on the MMORPG called Dark Age of Camelot who was a natural-born leader, very smart, nice, etc... a lot like steel. everybody knew and loved him, even the people on the opposing server. well, that friend got diagnosed with cancer and it was not looking good. people united to help him out, just like many did here. in the end, the cancer won and he died... but his influence and legacy lived on-- over 1000 people attended a live "funeral" in-game. people from both sides attended the memorial within this player vs. player world, and nobody attacked anybody else.
here's a video of a speech that somebody made at the memorial:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gAfkBgR1rDk it's really touching and it shows how amazing one person's influence can be, even on the internet.
gooddd... i miss steel so much. i feel like i'm still waiting for him to come back. this is just so hard for me because i can barely remember a time that i didn't know steel--i joined these forums when i was like 6. steel gave me "the talk" about how babies are made, taught me about logic, fallacies, life, mortality, faith, and way more. now that i think about it, he was like a big brother to me--whether he realized it or not. he was just such a great guy... and to see how everyone is so affected by him is a testament to that. rest in peace Steel... :[
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Honoring Steel