alcohol is the most dangerous thing to withdraw from from a medical perspective so its definitely at a different level than pretty much anything except maybe heroin
 
we're all rooting for you man, don't you forget that.

hoping in a year I look back at these posts and think 'wow, i've come a long way'

40 days, but I don't feel good. It hasn't been good since I stopped. There have been a few moments when I've convinced myself that I'm not lonely and just really bored with my life, but they are all in my mind cos I don't feel I have actually done anything to change my situation yet. Bad time of year, yeah, and early days, so I'm not being bleak about it, it is just tough. I don't like having to deal with these feelings all day every day without deluding myself with alcohol into believing I am cool or having fun or something. Even the hangovers and the rapid rise to normal mental function served as a cool upper for my moods. It was all up and down, I didn't really have the space to be bored and lonely. I guess I never realised how much I was self-medicating, because I never felt as if I was truly unhappy. I would focus on things I had done wrong while drinking, which I could act on, and anyway - it was a cycle.

This is different. I'd say it is harder. I've been contending with a break-up, or rather, the consequences of a break-up I had months ago, and that's definitely been on my mind most of the time, too. I've got to believe there is a way upwards, and once this stupid fucking new year shit is over I'll start throwing myself into things and hoping I forget about the way I feel right now as it all gets filled up with the things that people do in life.

Haven't been sleeping right, either. That'll be part of it. Hopefully it'll all iron itself out. I know I can't rush it. I don't really have many places to turn to for this kind of venting - well, nowhere in real life because I don't have a friend, so I have been letting it out here. I don't know if it qualifies as handling my shit, but whatever keeps me from drinking, I guess, until something better comes along.
 

Well, maybe yeah. I mean most people are older but there are some younger people around. I'm pretty sure at 23 I'm close to the youngest in each meeting I've been to, which is only about 20 or so at this point.

I haven't actually considered reaching out to people in the meetings. I guess I've been thinking of them as a what goes on in the room stays in the room kind of thing. I was invited to have dinner with the group members of one meeting I joined last week, but I said no cos I don't know - I should've said yes. They are all much older than I am, was all, I guess. Plus I still do stuff like write people off for having a cheesey middle aged sense of humour, etc. One of the guys was a bit of an attention-hog, I figured he'd be boring/annoying...pretty picky fuckhead huh

I haven't just been brooding to myself, though. Before everything shut down for christmas, I was volunteering, working a bit and going to meetings and that filled the days.

You're right about the meetings though, I'll be more aware of those kind of opportunities.

You can do it, man.

I stopped drinking back in 2007, and kept it that way for 2 years. It all changed when I got involved in a destructive relationship and started drinking again.
So, I've decided to stop drinking, again. As of today, 6 months clean.

Oh, wow. Sounds great, Pulits. Glad to hear about that.