Hello my salty little barnacles. I'm the new guy, though this ain't my first rodeo as I've been here a long time ago when Fausts and Hundleys and DrFunks roamed the saltworlds like the majestic gay drunken troll beasts that they were and probably still are. I missed them so much that I got fed up with waking up in cold sweats in the middle of the night moaning random combinations of the names mentioned above (and more!). So I decided to plunge back into the great big salty sea and see what all the dick slapping's about.
 
So what's all the dick slapping about?

We never could figure it out. With all those constant streams of dicks pouring in through the windows and doors, we had plenty of slap subjects, but they never yielded any useful information. They kept trying to get in the mouth of that fuckbot in the closet, so we dragged it out and they all disappeared into its mouth. We now rely on entire rooms full of fuckbots, posed like Qin Shi Huang's army, to passively slurp up the dicks. The honchos over at Dick Command noticed our change in tactics and began producing dongs, but when shown frontline footage of our fuckbots in action, the dongs switched sides and now they get the newspaper and brew southern style sweet tea for us every morning. So, to summarize: nothing changed except that most dicks were replaced with dongs, there's tea in the fridge, and there are several closests full of Harlotron MK.II Slutmachines for your perusal.

I like everything I hear so far, but I got questions about the smell in here. Has anyone been doing post-anal helicoptering? Because that's a one way ticket to pink eye and, quite frankly, I'm bummed that I missed the party.
 
I'll have some tea while I await for my answers. Also, be a dear and get the dongs to fetch me several dozen fuckbots so I can recreate 120 Days of Sodom while it's fresh in my mind. Oh, and for Foget's sake, tell them to be prepared for a major shit-stirring because nothing kills my rager like a clean hole. *clap clap*
 
Love,
This fucking guy