When your dead your talents, your friends, your belongings, don't matter is what I'm saying by "not being to hold onto anything."  You have nothing in death.

You can put your life into better perspective if you look at death is all I'm suggesting.

The ups and downs drove me insane.

Truly the struggle, the work is pointless if we die anyway.  We should just live, yes I'll meet friends, yes I'll love them, yes I'll feel pain when they leave for their goals, yes I'll feel pain if they died, yes I'll gain material, yes I'll continue to do art, yes I understand the work is pointless if in the end I die.  I just want to live.

And I'm living, not missing out on any experience.

Having to struggle to be Up again ... and just fall right back Down is the most disheartening, I've been through it.  And eventually I just ended up in a hole, that was consistent for months.  Somehow I realized I could get myself out of it and I didn't need anyone or anything to help me out. 

My life isn't boring, I'm not saying to stand still, it's just a test.  It's reaffirming to feel so good without anything, that's all. 

Besides I have different views then you, I don't consider standing like a tree, sitting still like a rock is boring, but rather powerful.  I find nothing really "boring."  The term "boring" can only be applied to one's own life, maybe sitting still is not your cup of tea I can understand that, it's not many people's cup of tea.

We're all on our own journey sorry to speak out like that. 

for me it's my senior year at high school, I have to deal with the pain of leaving friends who have meant the world to me for the past 3 years, I have to deal with my close friend whom I discover what love was with, leaving for the Czech republic at end of the year.  I had to realize I can't hold onto people, it isn't right.  I'm still dealing with meeting so many good people, and then leaving them.  That's the cycle that hurts, meeting and then losing people, but I have to deal with that.  I don't think I'll get married, I think that would hold me back from learning sitting in a stew of myself, but if I do get married it won't be out of fear to keep the person I love.

-----------------------------------------

Oh yeah I completely understand you that it is healthy to have lows, I have lows, but I don't have depression anymore.
Having lows means that you are paying attention, but I turn into strength as much as I can.
Depression, is a form of laziness, people don't realize they can get themselves out of it.

Guys you two are having a fight about the funniest words to have a fight about.

Bland and Boring.

Breathe.  Look they are words, fuck who's right, I can see you both have good reasons.
No need.

I've been reading this book called "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance", and it has sort of got me thinking along these lines.
In the book, the author struggles to define "quality". And, I think the trouble exists is because you can only know quality in comparison to something else. I sort of think happiness is the same way. I don't think a constant state of happiness is possible because I believe that "happiness" is a relative feeling, and not really a possible steady state of mind. Happiness is really only possible through fluctuations.

To be constantly happy, theoretically, you'd have to be constantly progressing into something better. And really, that is the most unlikely thing because even the slightest things can spoil it. Even the lack of happiness in others. That kind of perfection just doesn't exist. Happiness is a little hard to define in its own right because its hard/impossible to really pin down its exact source, which varies for everyone. A millionaire could triple his already huge fortune and be pretty happy about it, but, if you cure a child's sick pet, I'd be willing to bet that child is just as happier as the millionaire, if not more.

So really, am I happy? Relatively. Compared to the day I broke up with a girlfriend, I'm extremely happy. But compared to a good day out with friends in the mountains, then I'd say I'm not happy at all.

PS
For those debating what life would be like if we were always happy, haven't you ever played Nigsek?

DJ @ Your not hearing me at all - so it doesn't matter.

Being at peace is different from being consistently happy.
Being at peace, is taking life as it is, and not making anything more out of it,
it is simply just being completely understanding of what happens in life.

Emotions are conditional - not cyclical, they are only cyclical because theirs two distinctions we have which is positive and negative moods, one will have to follow the other.  Their is no neutral mood in what I understand, unless your a robot.

Emotions are conditional - what does that say.  If they were cyclical that would mean I could just sit here and I'd go through up and down without any input.  That is not life.  We feel sad when someone dies, we feel jealous when someone takes something we think should be ours.

If emotions are conditional it is because of conditions that we go through emotions, if one regards one life so serious then I can see how conditions could effect ones state of mind, if one regards one life not so serious then conditions wouldn't have such an effect on one's state of mind.

But taking one's life not so serious, is misunderstood in words.

Personally, I'm usually content on my own. It's really outside forces that sort of kills the mood for me. I'm in a really suffocating position right now with my home life. The thing is, it's a problem I really can't fix as I have my own personal future to worry about.

I think within a year from now the problem will dimish considerablly. But the horrible tides of home stress will get a bit rocky for me in the next few months.

I actually got into an argument with my dad today. The thing is, I'm really not like those prissy boys that run around crying and shit. It's just that I find it hard to effectively do my school + work stuff in the enviroment I live in. I come from a big family and were still pretty closely connected and living together or near by. I'm the youngest of the bunch and because of the situation with my school and all... I'm not financially able to move out on my own.

I don't want to come home from a long day to get into arguements, seriously. My dad means well but he is really really annoying and I have yet to find a suitable solution. It was basically the reason why I left for months to west canada with my sister.

Sorry for the lack of details... I'm not as "open" as some folks around.

Anyways, I'm actually pretty content other then that.

Lack of details - you shared more details than anyone here in their own personal lives.
My peace has been faltering lately because of College applications.
I'm applying to art schools, I have a shit amount of drawings to produce for them,
and I gave up the drawing medium a few months ago.

It's really hard for me to stay on task this year,
its my senior year, I want to spend every moment in the comfort of my friends,
before everything just splinters apart, and is harder to see everyone.
I'm getting pressure from my mom to not go to art school,
I haven't even told her I'm taking a year off next year,
She expects me to be out of the house,
I'm getting pressure from my older brother who attended RISD (prestigous art school)
to go there,
and his foster mother who's a really driven art teacher.
Our personalities clash, as I'm very laid back and would like life to just come,
she's like a storm moving forward.

I'm content right now, can't they understand that, I don't want to leave until I'm the last to go of my friends.
Again all of them mean well too, so I'm not mad at them, just I wish they'd let me be.
Time is meaningless, and I'd apply to college eventually.