As many of you may know, there are several "Americas" often referred to by people. Theres the traditional distinction between Urban/Rural America... Black/White America... North/South America (the dividing line here being the Mason-Dixon, not the border between Panama and Colombia)... the list goes on. My personal favorite division within America is between what I will call "normal" people and... rednecks. Redneck, hick, yokel, bumpkin, whatever you want to call them -- there is no part of this country without them. From Bakersfield, California to Bangor, Maine, rednecks are everywhere. They generally live in rural areas, but one can find them anywhere that the nexuses upon which their culture is focused are located (for those of you not familiar, the list of establishments includes: Wal-Mart, Sonic, Hardee's, Gun stores etc.. all sorts of good American institutions). I live in a pretty redneck infested area, which may sound surprising, but essentially most of the suburbs around here back straight up to cornfields and trailer parks. I suppose at one point I found rednecks to be annoying, but I have had a change of heart. I have come to love these people and their culture. I will now share with you 5 of the things I love most about redneck culture.

5. Monster Energy



This is the only energy drink specifically marketed to rednecks. I think the realization of this hit me one day when I was buying some gag gifts for Christmas and I came across an advertisement for the drink. I wish I had a picture of this thing, it was beautiful. In such a small space, the advertisers managed to cram in a scantily glad woman with large fake tits, a guy with a mohawk screaming into a microphone, a guy playing a 6-stringed bass, a guy riding a motorcycle, a NASCAR driver, and of course... the Monster Energy can. It was amazing... it encapsuled on one small canvas everything about redneck culture that is so great. If only I had visual documentation...



Oh, also this stuff is like crack cocaine. I drank a can of it once and I couldn't sleep for 2 days. There is so much caffeine in it. It is filthy.

4. Metal



I have never met a redneck teenage boy that wasn't into Slipknot and related bands. I don't know what the attraction is, but for some reason the Extreme Metal genres seem to be hugely popular with these people. And not the European kind no sir... only homegrown American bands complete with drummers who play as if they were trying to emulate machine guns and bassists with inordinate amounts of strings and completely indecipherable vocals. This stuff is some of the funniest music out there, thanks to the absurdity of the actual music, but also the outrageous costumes and stage antics of these bands.



3. Motocross



Quite possibly the most ridiculous sport with a wide television audience. As if regular biking wasn't enough, and regular motorcycle racing was too much... these people seem to have a universal love of motorcross. I guess the helmets and those padded shirts with their strange logos and marketing phrases must just be the epitome of cool in the world of rednecks. This isn't just a teenage thing like with the Metal bands... this has spread to all generations of rednecks.. unless of course I missed some crucial link where the motorcross gear companies teamed up together to stock every thrift store from Reno to Greensboro.

2. Redneck Cuisine



Redneck cuisine is amazing. Cheap beer, hotdogs, Heinz Ketchup, French's Mustard and TV dinners are staples. Couple that with poor access to healthcare, massive amounts RC Cola and fried chicken and man oh man do you have some pristinely hygenic people. Those vegans believe that you are what you eat, and man oh man does that principle apply to rednecks. Simple food for simple folks I suppose, but at the same time it is so  delicious sometimes.

1. The Redneck attitude

I can't even really describe this so I'm just gonna quote something.



This pretty much sums up what I'm trying to say. This is my absolute favorite part of redneck culture. Their widespread ignorance of their ignorance of everything. They're so ignorant, they don't even know how backwards they are. It leads to many wonderful situations, and some of my personal favorite television programs, collectively known as CourtTV. Hooray! Seriously though, no where else on television can you get such a wonderful cross-section of everything redneck about America. Who wouldn't want to watch a show where every third person has meth-mouth or has poorer English language skills than most call-center workers in Bangalore?

You used a picture of a superbike for motocross (motocross, not motorcross)... I don't follow bike racing, but even I know the difference.

YOU HAVE FAILED ME WASH CYCLE.

This both enrages and confuses me. I've never even heard of this "Motorcross" you speak of. And CourtTV isn't as great as you claim.

You used a picture of a superbike for motocross...

good call, I got distracted by the fact that it also had monster energy on it lol

good call, I got distracted by the fact that it also had monster energy on it lol

This is a good one because of the mud flying off in every possible direction: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Mud.jpg

This is a good one because of the mud flying off in every possible direction: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Mud.jpg

man that is a sweet picture haha

another thing rednecks love: bein' dirty hehehehheh nome sayin' 

BTW: Where's Nascar. It was freaking started by redneck beer runners during what we call the "Dry Period" (and by we I mean me).

BTW: Where's Nascar. It was freaking started by redneck beer runners during what we call the "Dry Period" (and by we I mean me).

nascar is one of my least favorite parts of redneck culture

man that is a sweet picture haha

another thing rednecks love: bein' dirty hehehehheh nome sayin' 

Yeah man, that's why I chose it. The dirtier the sport, the more they are attracted to it.

Or sweat. Rednecks love sweat, man. I guess that is why they flock to wrestling matches like flies on dog shit.

Yeah man, that's why I chose it. The dirtier the sport, the more they are attracted to it.

Or sweat. Rednecks love sweat, man. I guess that is why they flock to wrestling matches like flies on dog shit.

I may write an article on how great professional wrestling is (and then do a followup article about why mexican luchadore wrestling actually really truly is fucking awesome)

How can you not mention their favorite pastimes? You know...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mud_bogging
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frog_gigging
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noodling

hey WC is that true you stayed 2 days awake because of Monster Energy? damn I need this

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noodling

holy shit this is the most badass sport ever

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3f/Noodling_champ.jpg

roanoake (the city where that newspaper is from), is like an hour from my house.

I think I prefer calling noodling 'catfisting'

Nice next time make an anti-slavonic article

For the record Monster is actually one of the few energy drinks I can stand and if it keeps you up for two days there is seriously something wrong with you!

yeah monster isn't that intense.

the best is this Jeff Gordon energy drink I found.

also rednecks blow.