i wrote this in my livejournal on new year's day of this year when i finally came to terms with the reality that this would happen sooner rather than later

maybe you will find it useful, maybe you will find it overly dramatic, maybe the self-centered nature of it will detest you. that's none of my business.

that we can lose the good ones makes the good ones more valuable. loss is therefore important in understanding value.

but it is not until you take account of how little is left that you begin to understand how truly horrifying loss is. not simply for you but for all the people out there that would have been touched, and the goodness that would have been spread.

that tricky, unstable embrace is all you ever really have. experiencing and sharing.


it's funny. you go through life seeking out those truly important moments, and it is the moments of tremendous loss and sorrow that bring the entire universe into a perfect, beautiful focus. that deafening symphony where memory and understanding converge. you've wrapped your hand around the rose so tightly that the blood trickles all the way down your arm. the warmth of pain.


at the end of the day your shirt is soaked, your eyes are bloodshot, and your entire body aches with an deep hollow echo that resonates through your bones. i am left with nothing but the conclusion that this is what it means to be alive. hearing that pain and feeling it as though it were your own.


i'm sorry amark
you've been an important part of our lives
nothing could ever take you away

uh.

well

fuuccccccccccck aaaaaaa asfhfas jesus christ this can't be real!
this is a joke, no it's not a joke isn't it. sredni

aadasgafgfq fuck fuck i wish he hadn't, i really wish. this really isn't fair.



aaaaahhahahah and i never got to apologize my bad appetite when we were eating that indian food. ahhaha.

ahhhahaha.

i even haven't had my first ulcer yet. THE GUILT

i don't even know what to say.

goddamn it this is so fucking stupid. cancer is the stupidest shit in the world and if anyone could kick its ass it was steel.

i don't know what to say =(

i would have loved to show him this: http://pub.gamingw.net/61648/steel.jpg

he would have loved it going back and reading all the things he wrote makes me miss him a lot

I've known Steel since I was a boy. I was going to sing a chorus for one of his rap tracks someday. I remember alot of advice he gave me and other things he said. Some of those things still run through my head. I wish I could have met and become proper friends with him.

bwahaha, i think it's the time we made that ny meet topic? i'll see what i can do about it, i'll ask around (permissions)

He was a great guy, he was intelligent and always had great arguements and points. He believed in what he was saying and doing and inspired prettymuch all of us. Christ, most of us were so young when we joined, he was a constant role model, and someone deserving of so much respect. this is just absolutely terrible.

Holy shit I remember when we made a grope story based off chefs story (I forget what it was called)... and he was the bad guy.... also he was a part of the group effort to make a pretty dam good story and he's only 1 year older then me.... He will be missed.


Edit:

You know, I don't know if this would have any interest, but I have heard that this month is NaNoWriMo or something like that, and I know Steel was interested in it last year. Perhaps you guys could get together and write something for that about Steel and your memories of him, something you guys could share with GW and/or his family?
Just a thought. *shrugs*

Do this if not... not only it enforces that GW is dieing but it also proves that it has no soul.

R.I.P. Steel you'll really be missed. My Condolences go to his family....

FUCK, he was a really awesome dude. I always loved his posts and it seemed like he was getting better

EDIT: could we put a memorial or something on the main page?

man like


idk it wasn't until this happens that i realized that this has been one of my issues with gw lately

i realized that all this time i have been waiting for steel to come back

gw just didn't feel right without him here, and so every day when i logged on i would hope he would make a post that said "hey guys i'm back!!!", gw had turned into  a constant waiting game where everything would resume once steel returned

now it's not going to happen, but there's a part of my mind that still feels this way (i guess this is the not sinking in part), there's still that feeling of just waiting on him, you know?  i've had this feeling for quite a while, but i couldn't figure out what i was waiting on, and now i realize it was steel.  it's so bizarre i can't describe it much, but i think it definitely shows how much this dude meant.  i can't explain how sad i am that this will never happen now.

fuck!!!

Fuck. I've been checking this topic everyday. Even with the worsening news, I never imagined Steel wouldn't pull through, he always seemed too strong to be bested. This is just too shitty.

he was literally the most important member here and it wont be the same without him, it hasnt been and i dont even know what to do. I wasnt as close to him as a lot of you guys but the times i did talk to him he always left a positive impact on me. He's the last person here who deserved to die and I am really at a loss for words besides those ones. I feel for you sredni, as well as his family and everyone else who was close to him. See you in another life