since when was alcoholism romantic? lol\

Sugar, Food, Caffeine

I constantly drink pop, and junk food...  Somehow I'm still skinny as fuck

hmm i s'pose... though personally it seems to usually be related to domestic violence. i guess different people relate things differently...

how come no one has said eating?  i thought for sure we would have had more comfort eaters around here!

i mentioned that. i binge for comfort, and then often end up purging it after.

wait is she talking about doing nitrous from canned air or LAUGHING GAS or are they the same and I never knew.

i'm pretty sure nitrous oxide and laughing gas are the same thing. dentists like to tell anxious patients (usually kids) that they'll give them "LAUGHING GAS" not "a sedative often referred to as 'hippie crack' " or anything like that, you know? laughing gas is more commonly used to refer to medical grade nitrous, which is the "good stuff". it's also called that because some people who use it will start laughing almost uncontrollably because of the feelings it produces. i don't know if you've ever done it, but i'ts really great; it makes everything all floaty and numb and the colors are different and you only hear very subtle background noises and the more common stuff is all muffled. time also seems to pass faster. maybe its just cause i was having so much fun with it, haha. the thing is, i was listening to my mp3 player while i was high, and it seemed like it only lasted for the time of one song when the trip was actually like an hour.

i got started on nitrous because of my dentist. i blame her.
i had a lot of really bad experiences with dentists when i was little, including one who was sued for malpractice and later for child molestation and torture. she took out 4 teeth when i was 3 years old that she wasnt supposed to take out, and she put a really old-styled metal spacer in my mouth that spanned the whole roof. it was there until i was 13 because i was too scared to go to a dentist and get it out. i switched from dentist to dentist because my dad's insurance kept changing. the next dentist i went to regularly was the dad of that guy who molested/raped me when i was 9, and he was kind of creepy too.
eventually i found a dentist who was nice and we had consultations before any procedures, and this was also about a year after i started seeing a therapist and got on my depression/anxiety medicine. i started out heavily on nitrous and another liquid medicine too that i took an hour or so before the appointment.
basically, i started to like going to the dentist because it meant i got good nitrous. however, if i dont have any dental problems (which i had a whooole bunch when i first started going since i hadnt gone to a dentist for years and the years of purging food brought stomach acids in my mouth, rotting my teeth), then i only get to go for cleanings. so nowadays, im the opposite of how i used to be: now i am always hoping that i'll have a cavity or something. haha.
i wanted nitrous more often, so i researched online and discovered i could get it from whipped cream and computer dusters and stuff like that. it's not as good, but it works in a fix.

pff this post turned out longer than i planned on but whatever

oh my... mkk that's horrible! i don't even know what to say to that all...

on a lighter note, laughing gas is AMAZING. if i could get my hands on the stuff the dental surgeon gave me, i'd be addicted to that as well. from what i've heard, whip cream isn't quite the same. i thought that just have you a buzz/lightheadedeness feeling... on laughing gas i was soo giggley! it was so fun!

I like,m 2 smoke math... luts of math

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My biggest addiction is alcohol, or was, is... I don't know. I spent three years of my life in AN ALCOHOLIC HAZE which eventually climaxed with me getting pulled over for a DUI (which you might know about already) although that's really only the surface of what was going on and I did continue to drink a bit after that. For starters that isn't the first time I got in my car drunk. And I don't mean, "I had a beer now I can't drive!" I mean drunk out of my mind. I could always outdrink my friends and could consume quantities beyond what an average person could and still be standing. This meant that my brain's inhibition system was idling and every idea was a good idea! I don't want to turn this into a huge post, but some of the things I've done include: punching a random girl (no idea why I did this and I don't actually remember doing it), car hoping (getting into people's cars at like 3am and just sitting there for a bit and then leaving, calling the cops on myself, cutting myself, stealing a purse from some girl that I didn't know (and I felt so bad the day after that I wrapped it up in plastic bags and left it on their doorstep), mixing antidepressants with liquor, and basically just being A DICKHEAD. I'd often shake when I didn't have a drink in me and feel very anxious. Oh, and once I literally thought ZOMBIES were in my friend's basement and I pretended to be asleep so they wouldn't bug me. When I was in highschool I'd often drink before school and be really drunk my first classes then just go home at lunch, or I'd only drink a bit for the bus ride and then go to the liquor store at lunch and buy 2 40s of Vex and drink them alone in the park (sometimes I would puke because I had to drink them fast but I would continue to drink after puking). I'd often bring mickey's to drink in the washroom stalls. And a bunch of other shit I probably can't remember. I broke down crying a lot as well. That's due to a number of underlying issues including the death of my best friend. Anyways I'm doing much better now and I haven't had a drink in 21 days. I was at 35 days but I thought I'd have 1 or 2 drinks at a friends and that turned into 15 or 16. So I don't feel confident I can control it at all and it's easier just to abstain.

I'm not going to edit this because I'm lazy and yes I know it's rambling

As if my namesake doesn't give it out, I am addicted to junk food. Be it soda, chocolate, doritos, hamburgers, pizzas, basically anything that's not good for your health. I've never had any health problems but my weight pretty much scarred my childhood too much. :/

I'm not afraid of being a drunk if I were to stay home because I probably wouldn't drink I'd just smoke because its less work for me to get good right now. I'm not 21 yet though so maybe that will change if its easier to just buy a bottle of jack than to go hunting for weed.

I would say you won't meet an alcoholic shipping these days but I've actually heard of a few really bad alcoholics that will drink a fuckload of Listerine if they can't get any booze onboard.

Thats gross

yikes! what does it take for you to get drunk then?

Drunk as in "stumbling down, slurred speech, acting like an idiot" drunk I once blew .27 which is more than 3x the legal limit.  After a couple of shots I get that little spinning feeling, start sweating, and I start getting really happy (I cannot control my laughter while under the influence of alcohol at all I am the epitome of happy drunk).  To make matters worse, I don't seem to suffer any side effects from a hangover.  I feel sluggish, like my arms are made out of lead, but there's no "traditional" symptoms like body aches and head pain.

But yeah, alcohol is horrible.  I don't have any family in the area and I tell my friends to STAY AWAY when I start drinking.  I drink alone in my room because I know I'll get into a fight or something at a bar.  It's pretty bad when you're aware that you're talking to yourself at night and you can't help it because watching the shadows on your ceiling dance is amazing.

have you considered other drugs? i hate to suggest smoething like that, but i mean maybe weed would make you calmer/be less damaging. i personally don't do weed, but if you did that every so often, it might be better than alcohol all the time.

i work with a guy that was an alcoholic and went to jail for it. it really screwed up his life. i'd hate for that to happen to you (even thoguh i don't know you, i wouldn't want that for anyone...)

gaming is the deadliest drug

(maybe not a bad suggestion though- for some reason i don't think it would have the same "thrill"...)

yeah the keeping occupied thing is probably the most important. SHEER DETERMINATION can only get you so far in my experience. could be one week or two months later but if you haven't replaced the booze with something else, if you aren't really moving, then you'll forget why you ever stopped in the first place or make excuses for a drink.

i can see how something like an mmo game would keep you occupied but it's entirely likely for me that i'd use that gaming time as my drinking time, too. i done that back home when i had my xbox. got drunk and turned on some game so i could be totally immersed in whatever it was. done it with some movies, too. so maybe solitary activities which you can perform without much thought aren't the best. it different for everyone though so i dunno.

that's a big part of what going to aa meetings is about, just keeping you occupied and supported. i mean, i went to an aa meeting and i don't know if it was just me not being ready but i think the steps are ridiculous and the higher power bullshit is something i'll never be able to believe and nor do i really want to. i just want to not drink, and you can use aa for that at least so i've been thinking about going back. the meetings are like 2 hours long though, or the one i went to was, and i'm not prepared to invest that much time in listening to a bunch of spiritual mumbo jumbo from people who, besides being alcoholics, i can't see anything i have in common with. so that's where i'm at with that and it's probably the wrong way to look at it cos i'm not exactly doing terrifically.

alcoholism is fucking stupid.

sometimes i wish i had some sort of unhealthy addiction (not counting internet) so i could make better music

smoking? i think its a prerequisit to being a successful musician...