A necklace when I was a teenager got caught in the metals shop once, luckily it was a clip on kinda string, otherwise I wouldn't be here right now.

Btw, your mom shouldn't be allowed to drive. Rat her out to the police man, for you and your mom.

I don't know if this counts as a near miss but about 4 years ago I was almost blown up. I was in Bangladesh at the time, and my uncle had a court date for some property issues and I was tagging along to see how the courts are over there. We get to the court and we just open the door when we hear an explosion and realize that several bombs just went off and in the court. The funny part (or not so funny part) is that we were actually running late because of traffic, so if we had actually gone there on time, we would've been dead or really badly injured.

Almost saw someone in a wheelchair get run over this morning. I can't really remember anything that's happened to me, but my brain has a habit of erasing shitty memories sometimes.

Um when I was like ten I almost drowned in a creek, whilst trying to fetch tennis balls and rackets out.

About five years ago I got trapped inside a couch and almost suffocated. I will elaborate on this story if someone requests me to.

Three years ago whilst crossing the road at a crossing, this guy ran a red light and absolutely owned me. I had the skin on my left shin completely stripped off and I have a tarmac burn on my ankle that is still there today (starting to disappear though) luckily I smashed their windscreen as I got owned. All I can remember is the screeching of tires and then the world pretty much spinning. Freaky stuff.

I crossed the road without looking and missed gettin plastered by a big van by a few cm.

I tried to play limbo with one of those revolving barricades they have at the enterance of stores only to nearly choke to death with my head caught inside it.  The only thing I remember is watching store guys frantically disassemble the thing while i lost consciousness.

when I was a kid I was one of those types that didn't give a shit about the mandatory gym classes and just stood around during whatever game was being played.  I was talkin to somebody off to the side during a soccer game in grade 5 when the guy with the ball kicked it extremely fast right towards me.  I didn't even notice it until the image of my friend in front of me blurred into a black and white mess for a moment.  I looked around a bit and said "was that a soccer ball?"  It was apparently going fast enough that had it just been a bit to the right it would've smashed my nose in or cranked my jaw around and snapped my neck.

My boss has had a bunch of em though.  He's nailgun'd his hand to a wall and shot himself in the foot with a rifle (nearly bleeding out in both cases only to avoid both death and likely permanant damage/disability), gotten hit by a train while in a truck and coming out without a scratch, forgetting to put his truck in park and walking in front of it only to have it roll over him, etc.  THere's literally 20 or 30 instances where he's narrowly avoided death.

I'm guessing this involves one of those fold-out couches and some oblivious asshole who didn't realize he was sleeping sideways on it.  I mean, how else does one manage to get trapped in a couch?

You're half right.

It was a fold out couch, but I was lying on it and then  someone decided to roll it halfway back, right, and then the springs reacted to my weight and pulled me in. They had to break the couch to get me out.

I was stabbed right below the eye with a screwdriver a few years ago. Right where the bone curves into the socket. Any higher would have taken out my eye.
Good times.

I was working at a grain elevator, and We were loading rail cars and My idiot supervisor was bringing some more rail cars and he didnt stop in time and crashed into the cars that were already there, pushing them all forward a good couple meters.

In the meantime, I just climbed out from beneath the cars (closing the bottoms) a second or two before this happend and was like holy shit, I was just about ran over my rail cars!!!!!

I quit shortly after that. Deathtrap dude, deathtrap.