On Lamotrigine now and MY FUCKING GOD this rapid cycling is so unbearable. Normally my mood would be a few days up, few days down, now I am yo-yoing in like few hours. Friday was perhaps the worst night of my fucking life. I went out with friends, seen the photos of me and dont recognise myself because I was sooo distant and depressed.
I really need to speak to my shrink at next appointment (27th) as I am kinda used to my personality changing on a weekly/daily basis, but it's gotten to the point where meds are fucking me up and I don't know what's what.
On Saturday on the bus to work, I started hearing voices, like a harsh female whisper saying my name in my ear, when I turned around there was this person sitting in the empty seat next to me, bald, and made of clay, mouth open like screaming.
FUCK I cannot deal with this, I am type 1 manic, and it's cycling too much and my head can't keep up with it.
Ended up overdosing on other meds to try and make sense of the world FUCK THIS SHIT
I drink lots too, I hate being sober, but my friends are worried, I think I might have to like SORT LIFE OUT soon. After shrinks drop my meds down, then I will work on the alcohol and cigarettes, this is MY PLAN but whether it happens or not is kinda blahgghghgh as obviously it depends on who I am at that given time, and if any dumb emotional shit is going on.
Though this is REALLY worrying me as on friday(worst day ever, thanks drugs) I ended up scaring one of my best friends, due to my kinda UNREALITY. And we're planning on moving to london in the summer, so I really dont want her to like think of me as this psycho.
Even though I am, I mean christ, I am on two anti-psychotics and an anti-depressant currentlly, and I DONT KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.
FUCK.
I think I have gone out and gotten wasted on drink like every day since christmas. I THINK when it gets to the point where you have three vodka martinis (Because I am so james fucking bond right now)every day before going into uni just to get you through until afternoon drinks, you're kinda a weirdo.
Man shut the fuck up, lets talk about rpgmaker hentai.