Don't be silly, of course it doesn't, but it makes me feel closer to what i feel i should have been to begin with, once i hit that point, you wouldn't be able to physcally tell if i were a post-op transexual or a women with a Hysterectomy, i won't be perfect but it's far better to what it should have been.
I know you don't understand it, afterall your all comfortable with your gender, physcally and the roll but i'm not and can't live happily till i can resolve this. A good part of me wishes i had never opened up pandora's box and remained oblivious; but then i would never have grown as a person and still been that shallow personaltied , ugly, overeight person i was and as much as i hate this i have to deal with it. I wish that i had never been born without this defect, either a normal boy or a normal girl but instead i got saddle with one of the hardest things, to be completly at ends with my physcal self, and becuase of the gender roll asociated with it i can't act the way i feel without fear of ridicule.
Honestly i contemplate suicide becuase sometimes it feels like it might just be easier then having to deal with it. Sure i'd be dead but then, why would i care i'd be dead but i like living, even if it's hard and on top of that i couldn't do that to my father. I we just lost my mother last october, and my grand mother might not survive the operation to her hip, i don't know how it would effect my father if i also whent away, but it would seriously hurt him and i just can't do that no matter how hard it is on me.
You may not understand, you may call me strange or even mock me but this is who i am and to change myself is the only way i know how to deal with it.