So my girlfriend of 3 years out of nowhere broke up with me last Wednesday. Over the phone. I haven't talked to her for a little over a week until yesterday. I went snooping online and found her old blog that I thought she never used (completely public) and was shocked when I found she was actively talking about our relationship taking advice and support from strangers.

A lot of people ask for advice online.  It's helpful to get advice from strangers because they have a more objective viewpoint of the situation.  I'm not sure what is wrong with this or why this is horribly shocking.

She has never brought up any problems with our relationship other than the occasional mistake I make. On this blog she mentioned how "he's not putting enough into this relationship" (??) and, "I don't see us having a future together", etc. I had no idea she had any of these thoughts and completely hid her emotions from me on this blog. Hell, I thought I was going to marry this girl.

It sounds like you two didn't really talk about these things.  Even if it was just on her end, a relationship like this (ESPECIALLY a long distance one) was never going to work out without you two being able to talk.

If I had known the extent of those feelings I would have obviously tried my best to fix it... but she made this decision on her own and didn't let me have a chance.

I don't get this part.  Why do you get a chance in her deciding she doesn't want to be with you anymore?  If she wants to break up with you, that's that.  If you decided you didn't want to be with her anymore, she doesn't deserve the chance to fix it.  Unless she WANTS to try to fix it with you, you don't get to decide that you should have a chance to work on it.

Now, here's the question: should I drive up and see her tomorrow? If so, should I tell her I'm coming beforehand?

First of all, of course if you're going to see her you should tell her beforehand.  But more importantly, why are you going to see her?  She's not responding to your messages and she broke up with you.  She said she doesn't see you having a future together.  It sounds like she does not want to be your girlfriend.  So why are you going to visit her?  What is it going to accomplish?  Tell me what your actual expectations are here.

Just women being women. You can get another.

Also VELFARRE giving relationship advices

hahaha you fucking moron

Dude, she broke up with you.  You don't "deserve" anything beyond that.  I'm not saying it DOESN'T SUCK but you do not actually deserve to be a part of another person's life if they have decided they don't want you in it.  You at least have to ASK if it's cool to come see her since I doubt you can be convinced to leave it be, but really you need to deal with the fact that she broke up with you and consider why the relationship ended this way instead of desperately trying to glue it back together.  If you two got back together TODAY, do you really think you're going to start communicating fine from now on?

Don't visit her without giving her an advance notice, that's like strong-arming her into coming back. Try a phone call first, I'd say.

I don't know if this needs saying or not but if she doesn't answer your calls you don't go.  Don't assume the default is 'yes' in this situation.

Yeah man velf is right. The KEY POINT is that there was nothing to fix, she just didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. She was probably looking for "help" online from strangers because she was still coming to terms with this fact and needed to sort out her feelings.

I understand the desire to fight for her though. You can do that to a small extent, make it clear you still want to be together, but you gotta accept the fact that you're almost definitely not getting back together. It's not unheard of that, after spending some time apart, people resume a relationship. It does happen, but don't expect it. You have to move on with your life. If you pest her you'll just create more of a rift

c'est lavie

that's because strangers can look at the situation objectively / from an impersonal standpoint

Malad right now what you're experiencing are feelings. Everyone has those.

Don't do that.

idk likewise i'm awful with relationship advices so take with tons of salt. actually, i'll abstain from trying to advice you for it since i have no idea of the reality apart from what is told hers and tbh there's the logic/cource of events you can expect to have happened (what everyone in this topic has said) and THEN there is what may possibly happen in the future (unwritten and unpredictable).

idk the best advice i can give that you might feel miserable/anxious/sad/confused/low-esteem/angry or whatever seeing all your "pictures" and information of you and her change rapidly... but when the wave of emotions comes, just take a couple of steps back and see it's just your emotions/reaction? like you might of course FEEL something about things obviously but besides some downtime/time to mourn, any excess mourning isn't...really going to improve anything and just brings you down? and going with those waves isn't a good thing. it'll just distract you from the reality of things and what you can or cannot do in your situation.

basically it's like what mindfullness technique (partially about buddhist philosophical/Nirvana stuff and similiar to yoga) teaches and i think that in general it's something good to learn about - the way you get worked up and how you can find your way out of those negative feelings (to obviously focus on constructive things).

Idk im sorry if this seems frustratingly as no good advice but i really mean everything i've said, i'm just terrible at explaining. I'm basically elaborating why (since giving you advice on WHAT WILL HAPPEN HERE ON WHAT SHOULD I DO is just a huge grey zone in general + w/o no real grasp on yours or her life for me) you should be mindful of WHAT you feel and how you react on those feelings. you feel strongly about certain ways but that can distract you from the fact that you don't have enough information on how to act in your situation (or rather, makes you forget/be blind to all aspects of your situation). ...

sorry, i'm pretty sure i had good intentions and a real lead of thought but i couldn't get to the core of the issue/couldn't get to the point. maybe i'll see in the morning. groan, this cursed life, this caged ape...


And holy shit Mince you are really pushing with the trolls, do you do this just because you can? any heart?? the guy is genuively distressed and asks for opinion. if you don't have any good ones then don't post or admit that you don't. even dday made a similiar post to yours but you've been this vicious piece of shit for some time here in several topics.

Dude she expected you to do more than you knew how to. I bet being 2 1/2 hours away you or you both were too busy with school/work to visit frequently enough. And you prolly didn't know you needed to call her every four hours or so to tell her you you can't stop thinking about her (even if you can a lil bit) and the absense of that kind of interaction she wanted/needed caused her to think you didn't care.

Its a lesson to learn. Gotta be pro-active, girl doesn't think you care unless you go out of your way and show her that you do. And she's not gonna tell you what she wants because shes prolly too immature to understand that you prolly don't have the same thought patterns without some sort of effort on her own part or encouragement to let you know her needs aren't being met.

I'm not claiming to know exactly what you went through but it sounds like alot like what I went through a couple years ago. It was partially just my line of work but also because I did exactly what I think you did. Stopped calling as much and just kind of coasted with it because I didn't realize what she was lookin for.

Kinda like watering a plant dude. Same concept, you don't water that shit it dies.
 
 
 
Edit: Vell's got a point about not pursuing it but at the same time its not that easy when you get to a certain point as far as love and all that shit. And its the hardest thing in the world to ignore that feeling and despair and just stop giving a fuck. I'd say if you think she actually wanted it to work and wasn't just looking for a way out then go fight for her. Alot of girls like to see a guy not give up and try to make it work but it also looks like she didn't do that much to fix if there was a problem in the first place.
 
Know when to give up though cus then you just seem pretty sad.
 
 
Good luck dude. I know the feeling. I still open my facebook every-fucking day hoping I'll see somethin, check my phone when I get ashore hoping I got called back, hoping I run into her somewhere or that she sees me. And this is over a girl I fell in love with over the course of like three weeks whom was only lookin for a lay and got pretty uncomfortable everytime I tried to talk to her personally and romantically or even tried to show affection.

Everything tells me this is stupid and I hate it about myself but I got buckshotted through the chest by the first girl I ever really felt love for. I think this gives me room to be a sad sack for awhile. So I think you got the leeway. Just don't embarrass yourself dude.