Overtime I've just decided to approach the whole thing in a "I don't give a shit" sort of way. Things live and die in a chaotically cruel way, everyday in every instance of time some four year old is getting plowed in his bedroom by 60 year old geriatric that shouldn't be driving or some fatass, self-absorbed, neurotic piece of shit is stepping on an ant that has just about every right to live as they do. But at the same time things have a way of oddly falling into place, not in a "hey I felt like making spaghetti from scratch and the tomatoes are priced down or finding a quarter when I need one" sort of way but running into someone you grew up with halfway around the world by mere chance.
 
Or for instance.
 
I never grew up wanting to be a sailor. I never even thought about it and if you'd asked me when I was fifteen what I was gonna do out of highschool working at walmart would have probably been my best answer. When I was a tot my mom put me in a micky mouse sailor suit and theres still a picture of it hanging on the wall. When I first started with the company I work with now I found out the day I started my training for the job that the company I work for now built the ship I had worked on prior. Which is insane if you think about it. Because it was a military observation vessel constructed in a marine yard mostly used for the oilfield and it was one of the last ships they ever built. I didn't know that until I told the guy training me where I'd come from. They had a picture of it down the hallway and he showed me and he told me that he was actually the crane operator that put that ship together. I found out a couple weeks later that my grandfather worked for the very same company I'm working for now decades ago, when divers used to use those big tin man suits. I don't know jack shit about my grandfather. I've hardly ever spoken to him and I damn sure never set out to be like him, we don't have the same last name and the only reason I found out is because my DEA agent half uncle I hardly know too told me about it.
 
Some things that happen are just really odd and too coincidental. I definitely don't believe in god though, or in any traditional sense. So I figure if I be as good as I can be without leaving myself too vulnerable and be as mean as I gotta be to terrible people who walk on others, I've done well enough and if paul wants to call me a sack of shit at the gate then oh well.