Don't feel bad about that bro, its florida. I had my head bounced off of cop cars atleast three times in two years at the tender age of 21 and I drive that challenger. Actually thats part of the reason why.

There is usually a good hippy/hipster young person population you just have to go to the right bars and shit to find them. I actually went to tampa last time I was off but it was only for a day so I didn't get much time. They suspended all training except immediately necessary so it could be a bit till I get back down there.

Girls with tattoos are nice. I'm inbetween getting ignored and rejected because I'm viewed as somewhere between a drug dealer and a saint and nobody likes that. I don't like dating at all, people are contrived and when I offer to scoot a girl away to a five star resturaunt, casino, or something nice they think I'm ted bundy or one of those slip a micky types.

I'm getting really really tired of work though. Been through too much shit and I've lost alot of time. In debt so I can't really walk away from it and it kind of gets in your blood. I'm considering doing something else. My buddy thinks I should try to start a business, not sure. It would be nice. I'm tired of all this corporate gas/petroleum shit. It eats at your soul and they expect you to live for it. Plus I've got that shit with my brain and I can't take meds out here to stifen it. Get trashed too much to bring it down. Been trying to see a dr. about some sort of anxiety meds but I don't have time to do it and its a pain in the ass of a process.

oh yeah, definitely. Yachting is another aspect to the career choice and thats basically true of it. I've considered it but you have to commit and live on them most of the time and it would take an impossible amount of restraint for me to endure a wealthy asshole if thats where I ended up. Workside it is also like a polar opposite. You have to keep everything pristine and its alot of accomodating people and shit like that.

I dunno I might look into it. I saw a mental health dr for a couple months and then talked to a therapist last time I was off but they basically just sit there and nod and don't have much to contribute I haven't thought about already. I have way too much energy, think too much and my anxiety manifests with shitty people, ideas, or things and will just circulate in my head for a very long time. Which is why I'm seeking meds. Just want to chill the hell out and not care. Alot of people ask me why I care about certain things and its almost physically impossible for me not to. Unless of course I take something.

http://dice.gwil.co/26
 
while looking for something me and my boy neuropath were talking about i found this cute and cool comic. wow!!!
 

Dicko I'm mega sorry I didn't see this sooner, I've been travelling the West Coast of the US and have had zero time for internet stuff :< 
 
I hope you know the tape thing is TOTALLY cool and I empathize deeply with you about managing mental health issues and if you ever want someone to talk to, you got my internet contacts

Oh man. I feel you bro. I suffer from some of the same issues but instead of having outright depression I've got only the upside of bi-polar disorder (its called hypomania) and anxiety too.

I'll get really frustrated and anxious and feel compelled to make things right that are completely out of my control. At one point we had a guy on the vessel that was a cadet and an immigrant from Egypt and that whole Gaza strip bombing thing was going on, he ended up teaching me a WHOLE lot about middle eastern history, culture, and relations. I would get very very angry and have to physically remove myself from rooms with active televisions because I wanted to literally rip the TVs off the bulkheads and smash the living shit out of them. Between that and my ex making my life a living hell and work stressing me out I came to the conclusion that I had PTSD and went to an M.D. to seek medical treatment because I actually started getting blood in my stool from it. After a few questions and talking to me he came to the conclusion that I did not have PTSD but instead the hypomania and anxiety. He gave me mood stabilizer meds that did not work and something to curb the anxiety that would only work for maybe a max sum of fifteen minutes.  Long story short I got back to work and had to show my meds to the ships medic who then called a bullshit corporate Dr. who then pulled me out of work for six months and made me see a psych that didn't give a shit pretty much.
 
after fighting and fighting to keep my job and get back to work and contemplating a lawsuit the only way I was allowed back was by stopping seeing the dr and stopping the meds. Then I just decided to self-medicate when I was off of work the best I could using opiates to try to curb it but now they've started a monthly urinary and hair follicle regimen that I barely got by with and I'm trying to go back to a private dr. to get treatment.

It got really bad. My ex accused me of making the shit up and kept accusing me of being insane. After taking care of her and her kids for a year and a half she cheated and split while I was taken out of work and financially busted like a fucking cantaloupe.

It got to one point I had a pistol and contemplated suicide. Ended up taking five lortab tens one night and had to keep myself awake because I thought I was gonna fall into a fucking coma and could physically feel my heart rate slow down but I ended up waking up just fine. I'm not the whoah is me suicidal type or even typically depressed it just got insanely hard. I got to the point where if I couldn't live the way I wanted to and my jacked up brain was just going to have to run rampant for the rest of my life then I'd be just fine with passing, I'd lived enough and saw the world around me as a degrading basketball in space full of stupid ass people.
 
ended up fighting three different people for being terrible and doing awful things to others because I just couldn't control myself but I eventually got back to work and got a little better. You just have to see it as a storm bro, it'll pass in time. I feel you though. Holy fucking shit I feel you on that one for sure.



Mine manifests weird though. I don't have mood shifts, always up no matter what and I have an ungodly amount of mental and physical energy that I just cannot for the life of me siphon without some sort of dope to help me rest it. You just get tired of it. Its like being forced to run a marathon with the body and mind and you just cannot physically or mentally quit. I get tired of thinking and I get tired of being so full of energy. Even normal people cannot follow me a lot of the time because of the frequency of which I speak and articulate. I've developed a couple different both temporary and chronic injuries because my body gets run down to where it cannot keep up over time.

 

This is what i'm doing ATM

 https://www.facebook.com/farren.blackwell/videos/10153549381975664/