you...you do realize the 19 thing is a really huge deal and not something you can just dismiss because you've taken care of kids in a summer camp.

uggggggh I feel bad so I'm going to stop posting but you really didn't say anything that Trihan didn't say when he was justifying his marriage to an internet girl.

No, it's really not. If I were some immature, unreliable, arrogant little prick, then maybe. But I'm an educated, self-reliant, responsible adult. I mean, I've done stupid shit, but I don't anymore, and will do even less, now.

I want to say there is very little that differentiates me from a twenty-seven year old, but I really don't know. And everyone goes through different stuff so it's pretty ridiculous to judge someones ability to do something based on age. I've got just as much, if not more life experience than most of the twenty-seven year olds I know.

I guess you think because you couldn't have cared for a child at 19, or still can't, that it means no one can, effectively. I mean, you're a smart guy and you've got a pretty good grasp on REALITY, and maybe that OVERLY ANALYTICAL attitude is what makes you think you, or myself, couldn't raise a child properly, but that's completely untrue. You can hardly tell if someone is going to be good at something like this. Hell, even some mentally handicapped people raise GOOD PEOPLE.

I AM confident that we can raise a child, and give it everything is needs with little to no trouble, without needing to rely on anyone else. I am confident that our lives won't be ruined by this. Of course it's going to change shit, but it's not going to DESTROY US.

It's always going to be a chance, no matter how old we are. I want to take that chance, now. I'm prepared to deal with the consequences.


Edit: Also I am VERY aware it's not going to be an easy task. I'm okay with not sleeping, or not having time to myself, and everything else that comes with having a child. And if in the end it turns out we were wrong, and we can't handle it, I'm prepared to deal with that.

VB, I have a question for you. What is it about you that makes you a particularly responsible, financially secure, educated, and wise adult with plenty of life experience? Can you tell me a little about yourself that allows you to describe yourself this way?

And no, I'm not being a dick, but unlike a few people here, I don't know you or anything about you all that well, so I'm genuinely curious.

oh no this topic is about to get really ugly

Even if money is not the problem, a good parent is one that is virtuous and morally disciplined.
A good parent needs to have a sustantive understanding of reality and of the different point of views. A good sense of ethics and moral codes.
And a virtuosity to put those moral codes into practise. Which is not fucking easy At ALL, ESPECIALLY AT YOUR AGE.
A good parent has to make good decisions, usually decisions that may hurt in the short run but are a blessing in the long run.
Being a good parent means not only being able of working to get money for the family, but to be ready for any emergency, and to have that dexterity of mind you need to have a very stabilized life.
Lucky you, you seem to have a decent job and you are not in university, but this baby will not make it possible for your gf to consider a university opportunity since she'll have to take care of the baby 24hs a day (unless you want a babysitter, but I hate those things. Your parents (from any side) can help, and obviously should, but the baby needs to spend most of its time with the mother. This intangible force called motherly love.
Basically, having a baby is an introduction of a whole new level of mental state, of mental perception of the way the world functions. Money is important so that you can give everything your child needs (which means you will have a more miserable life for yourself, love repairs this) medical, education, nutrition, health care, entretainment.
But why the fuck I am listing all this shit
It is clear you're going to accept this challenge so good luck, but I wouldn't like to be in your position at all. Maybe it is because I go to university, which keeps my life more than busy. Maybe it is because I want to solidify a relationship, marry and then have babies once the situation is given so that we are prepared for the ultimate challenge in life.
I proposed myself not to marry until I was 25.
Why this shit?
Because I know I haven't learnt enough about the world, I might feel confident, and I can say hey I think I do have what it takes to mantain a baby (not true since I don't have an self-sufficient job), but I know i need more time, I need to take more decisions, as a routine, as practise. I need to make mistakes, and take right decisions, and learn from experience. When you think you know enough, you can bet on my word that you still do not know one single fucking thing.

you people underestimate people

let him have is goddamn kid jesus

VB, I have a question for you. What is it about you that makes you a particularly responsible, financially secure, educated, and wise adult with plenty of life experience? Can you tell me a little about yourself that allows you to describe yourself this way?

And no, I'm not being a dick, but unlike a few people here, I don't know you or anything about you all that well, so I'm genuinely curious.

There's a lot of shit. I grew up in a pretty unstable household with my father and my two sisters. My mom and dad divorced when I was five months old. My sisters were two and four years older than me. I also have four half siblings.

My mom was a gambling addict, my dad just had no idea what he was doing, didn't really want children so much but thought taking care of us was better than leaving us with our mom who had no money, ever. Neither of them had any sort of plans, they were completely irresponsible, and the fact each child was unplanned was pretty obvious. (We were all the results of 'make-up sex' after a big fight, I have been told!

As we grew up, my sisters began resent my dad, being teenage girls or whatever. I didn't understand, I pretty much kept to myself and played video games from ages 3 - 11. My oldest sister ran away from home at 15ish, and that hit me pretty hard. I didn't see her again for several years after that. Then, my other sister started dating a 17 or 18 year old at the age of 13 (grade 7) and he was a pretty huge faggot. I mean, he was nice to me for a while and he'd bring me stuff he stole so I was cool with him. But he started hitting my sister and shit. My dad didn't like him but he soon realised there was little he could do. He attempted to seperate them. Upon entering high school she decided living with him was more important and she ran away from home, too. One night I was going to the store and I ran into the two of them. Her boyfriend told me not to say anything, and then proceeded to beat the living shit out of me, leaving me pretty much half dead in the parking lot. I would've been about 12. He was a BIG GUY too. My sister watched all this without helping me at all, even when I called for her. So, I felt pretty abandoned, in life. I grew pretty distant and bitter too, but also used this experience to become a better person. I now knew exactly what I didn't want to be.

As I grew older, I also began resenting my father. He's a pretty big idiot, and so is my mother. I wouldn't wish parents like them on anyone. At age 14, I got my first job and started saving up money. It was to get away from here, but as time went on, I started getting involved in community shit (concerts an stuff) and felt pretty happy, and was dating meaghan so everything was going really well.

Then I got really sick, had two bleeding ulcers and spent a lot of time in the hospital, away from the world. I used this time to figure out a lot of shit. I was constantly reading, and trying to learn as much as I could. My main goal in life is to just be a GOOD PERSON.

So after all that, I got back into the workforce and started saving up money again. Then I had to deal with my best friends death which was pretty hard but I kept with it, and learned from the experience.


I don't even want to continue on, and I left a lot of shit out, but what I am trying to say is that I've taken each experience of my life, and taken time to learn from it, and to better myself. I am constantly striving to learn, and understand. That is what makes me better educated, responsible and a 'wise adult.' My realistic views on money, and my lack of spending retardedly is what makes me financially secure.

And I think the fact that I am embracing this chance, also makes me particularily responsible. Most other people my age would run away from something like this.

my mother had me at 21 and she's a legal aid and never even went to university. we've never been TOO RICH but not poor at all either (we make enough money that i can allow myself to buy an Apple desktop, two laptops, a 360 and various other shit).

I dunno if you are american or what but you make me think of how USA works.
The typical american stereotype is that of one that is guided not by a spiritual or educated force, but by a consumerist habit.
What do I mean: You highlight the fact that you can afford 2 laptops and other "expensive" shit. This shows how you value or class yourself based on possessions, on property.
That's the typical american way, I am not saying everyone is like that but everybody outside USA know the americans as people who work all day, go home, get food and sit on their sofa to watch the telly.
USA, because of the way its consumer-obsessive market works, it is not big deal to buy neat technologies.
That's the stereotype, and ok it may sound extremist, and I'm not saying you are like that, but what you said did remind me of this.

I have a different valoration of what to do with money. My priorities is not to have TVs in all the rooms, 2Terrabytes of memory capacity in my laptop, a sport car, huge houses, etc.
No.
My priorities are education first, then health. Education and culture is what enriches life, not watching the fucking telly and go to the cinema to watch the latest flashy movie. The rest of the money goes to satisfy other needs, such as nutrition and entretainment and whatever the context calls for (like a new laptop for my daughter who's starting university), and when possible, save money for some luxuries such as a new car, etc.
So going back to the point, if I were to have a family, that's where my money would go.
ho hum

you know, I'm just not going to reply any more, but I am going to say that the odds are so against you and you seem to be blindsided by the fact that you have MONEY. it was pretty insulting of you to say that I was only saying the shit I was saying because I myself would not have been a good father at the age of 19 (fyi if there is one thing in life I want to accomplish it is BEING A FATHER) instead of the fact that every single bit of medical, sociological, and economic advice says it's a bad idea for someone who never even graduated high school to have a child, especially when they are as full of parental issues as you are (did you seriously think posting that paragraph would make anyone say OH HE'S MORE STABLE? how much cognitive dissonance did you have to go through to think that posting your various traumas would make us think you were a better potential father?).

you know, I'm just not going to reply any more, but I am going to say that the odds are so against you and you seem to be blindsided by the fact that you have MONEY. it was pretty insulting of you to say that I was only saying the shit I was saying because I myself would not have been a good father at the age of 19 (fyi if there is one thing in life I want to accomplish it is BEING A FATHER) instead of the fact that every single bit of medical, sociological, and economic advice says it's a bad idea for someone who never even graduated high school to have a child, especially when they are as full of parental issues as you are (did you seriously think posting that paragraph would make anyone say OH HE'S MORE STABLE? how much cognitive dissonance did you have to go through to think that posting your various traumas would make us think you were a better potential father?).

I didn't say you couldn't do it, I said you don't seem confident that you could. And I'm not saying I will be a good parent because I have money, but no matter what that is an important factor. I think I will be a good parent because I am compassionate, loving, empathetic, realistic and THERE. I want to be apart of my child's life.

I think you've proven time and time again you're one of the biggest assholes on GW. Yet, you claim that's not close to your real self.

If it isn't, how come you're seeking approval of the ones that has only seen this side of you? I think you're lying, the person you are on GW is just the person you really are.

I don't want to get into flamefest with you again, so not gonna reply. I don't doubt you as a parent, I just think your attempt to get approval on here is pretty immature. This is just so extreme far away from the life I live that I can't even begin forming an opinion on the matter. Good luck!

You haven't even talked to me in like two years. I'm not really an asshole anymore, I mean I've matured a lot. You don't agree with my opinion sometimes, and that has led to arguments between us (mostly me saying your music sucks), but I don't see how you can base your opinion of me on that. I assume you are going from back in the day when I called you a faggot all the time, but that's not how I am anymore. I even respect you now.

Also I don't want approval from GW. Not as a whole at least. There are a few people here who's opinions do matter to me (Steel, for one. He's a good guy and it hurts me that he feels I am incapable of being a good father.)

Regardless of what GW thinks, we're going to go through with this, because I'm confident we can. And I want those people to see that too.

edit: also I don't need to seek approval from friends and family because they are all fully confident we can do this, and they know me AND her better than anyone else here does.

I didn't say you couldn't do it, I said you don't seem confident that you could.

It is not a lack of confidence from Steel's behalf. It is a realistic assimilation of his virtues that poses that he is not prepared for it.

you people are insane

i can picture all of gw saving money away until they're 40, having read all the baby books, THIS WILL BE JUNIOR'S COLLEGE FUND etc

at some point you just have to drop all your fear and neuroses and start fucking, you know

people do it every day, all over the world!



edit: ps from someone who has been through the experience and views it as positively as is probably possible, convincing someone to get an abortion will never achieve a good result. just think about it guys.

i can picture all of gw saving money away until they're 40, having read all the baby books, THIS WILL BE JUNIOR'S COLLEGE FUND etc

And then they'll be going to have "infertility treatments" or high risk pregnancies.

You're a better human than I!

I had a pregnancy scare and was shitting myself. Although, I was 15 and had absolutely no way of supporting a child, did not like the girl, did not want a child, etc, etc....

Anyway, congrats man, I'm glad you've decided to keep it and hope it all goes well!