you got 10% though. why not resolve to be in that 10%? I'm not even making the argument that some people make, that a positive attitude actually does affect the illness, but I don't gain anything with despair. of course I felt it, you were THERE when I felt a rush of it once, but man it gets boring. I found this out the first time I got really sad, it just makes a loop of getting more and more despondent so I'd rather be like "come on big moneeeeey" as long as there are no whammies on the board. also, jeopardy.

also OPTIMISTIC man you were the one saying ITSNOTHING DONT WORRY, I was saying "Agh I'm fucked." it's not optimism its just realism. I'm likely gonna die. well fuck. okay now what?

as long as there's something to do, I'm gonna do it.

We don't know each other well but holy shit dude, I can only hope the best for you. This is fucking shit.

ugh fucking hell

remember jeff's dad though, you can do it

Maybe it is the curse of 2008 and that 2009 will bring you some luck. It has been a pretty shitty year.

You clearly have a strong mind and they say that if you manage to keep your head up and stay optimistic it has a better impact on your body (less stress).

how old are you anyways?

for some reason i thought late teens... confusing for someone else i guess..

oh man, good luck steel. you in my prayers nucka!

this is fucking bullshit

I have JOHN ELWAY on Speed Dial, I'll call him and ask him WTF

Sorry to hear this man.

i think it just hit me. i didn't realize it was the whole thing all over again, i thought it was just a minor resurgence or something. i'm really sorry.

i was afraid of this happening.

if it was me in this situation, i can only imagine my attitude would be like "fuck this" and i'd put everything i had into going on a trip someplace and just trying to have a peaceful time by myself. i mean i wouldn't be able to stand having people around me with sad faces all the time, cos it would just be embarassing and lame to hear cliches and unbearable to have to reciprocate all those forced smiles. i don't think i'd have any of that in me. that is if it was a probably going to die kind of situation. i wouldn't want to spend all that time being covered in misery like that. maybe that's dumb or juvenile but i'm imagining myself in what i imagine your position is like and ugghhhhh i could not do it.

the attitude you've got right now is the only one you could really have. on the one hand it's admirable because you won't let yourself get down to the pits, but on the other it's sad because what the hell else are you going to do. you couldn't be the kind of guy you are and not be taking the attitude you're taking.

maybe i'm saying things it's not my place to say but i've got to say something to all of this fucking cancer shit. i've kept my distance from this, i guess, just cos i don't know how to approach it. i only know you as text and an idea of what you are like from pictures/cookin' with doopz but i consider you a friend as far as that goes.

so i hope you get through all of this and get back to life, and i hope that the next round of this is not as hard on you as it has to be.

I know this whole thing sucks, it's terribl;e and it's very unfortunate. Problems like this are really hellsent and probably you don't really deserve the whole shit..

Can't really help you with anything regarding healing the cancer
Even so....

FUCK YOU CANCER

dedicating my troubadours entry to you man. but seriously, i hope you feel good about all this support your getting.