I'm out of staging, because it's such a rare testicular cancer (having not appeared in the testicles), so on the one hand NOT STAGE 4 on the other WHERE AM I.

I can't wait to go home

How your balls feeling?

great. we had an ultrasound done two days ago, nothing was there. I just got bad luck and had a testicular cancer develop almost exclusively over my lung.

chemo doing okay now, I should be out by 7:00, 8:00 earliest.

chemo schedule: this last week, all five days, this time in the hospital (in the future in an outpatient clinic)
next week, monday I go in for a shot of white blood cells and then tuesday an hour of chemo
then next week another hour. then I think there's a break and it starts again.

I really can't write about my experience on chemo right now. it's just that bad. let me just say if you know anyone who has ever gone through this shit...there's not enough respect in the fucking world, okay. not enough. my god. go give them a hug or something.

man that's really sad videobeak. seriously, my condolences.

anyways today I go in for an injection of white blood cells basically to keep my count up so I don't have infections or whatever, and then tomorrow...

another round of chemo.

goddam.

personally I feel so much better than I did yesterday. I think I've said it over and over but the cure is honestly worse than the disease right now; I bloat up so big and have to keep drinking water so my kidneys keep filtering the poison. I barely sleep at night either, but that's not as bad as it sounds since I've been taking this anti-nausea thing that knocks me out during the day. today is much better though, probably because it's been 24 hours since the chemo.

I'd like to apologize btw to anyone I haven't really been talking to on IM. rest assured it is not because UGH THAT DOUCHEBAG and more because a sudden wave of nausea has forced me into bed.

WEIRD PHYSICAL EFFECTS OF CHEMOTHERAPY YOU CAN USE IN AN ESSAY:

-you get really really really fucking bloated and fat. I keep talking about shit that really takes the power out of you and jesus christ when I took my shirt off that first day I wanted to cry. I don't look great now but my god that day was just...it was like an African fertility doll. it was awful.

-water tastes sweet. how gay! it's water, it's supposed to be NOTHING.

-chocolate is good. like really shitty american chocolate. so are those shitty Red Baron single pizzas. yeah, I couldn't eat this awesome indian food but I scarfed down all this shitty American comfort food like nobody's business

-did I mention you get really fat??? not like a good looking fat either, just swollen.

-you get a lot of sleeping dust in your eyes. I mean, a lot. I don't know how that happens but I seriously have to like peel a fucking crust off.

anyways if the white blood cell thing has no effect on my mood (shouldn't) and I'm up to it, I might...vlog...

bumping for anyone that cares (n.o.b.o.d.y.) in like two hours I do my 30 minute chemo. hopefully it won't be as bad as the FIVE DAY HOSPITAL ONE, but to be sure I'm going to take an Atavan and zonk out to ipod shit. in a kind of funny twist, I was desperately looking for something that would be good mindless garbage and ended up putting THE GOD DELUSION on my ipod, so while all these old people are holding books about God I will be listening....to his destruction.

anyways I'll edit/bump afterwards if anything significant happens and like I said I'll try and get a video up sometime, I lost the cable.

Time for a completely random question.

When did you get your old Steel/Trystero/Borderline Acedemic account back? Was it when you changed your name to Magical Negro?

good luck pal! hope it's easier.

ps woah you have over 10k posts now what the FUCK

Chainer/Adeline: The stats of Magical Negro/dangerousned were probably edited to match Borderline Academic + adding Magical Negro's post count to that. I think this happened like today or yesterday. The profile of Magical Negro still says dangerousned and Borderline Academic is still banned.

Good luck with all this once again, Steel.

WHOOOO ADDED MY POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSTS!!!

still haven't set out yet, stressin a little but it's not going to hurt, it's just the aftermath of being really really nauseous I'm fucked about.

I really wish there was a word for this type of nausea. it's like someone set a fire in your stomach and it's churning and you can FEEL it, and it causes this insane explosive scary gas that you think is shits and this all sounds funny except the fire burns so strongly you can't walk around! I couldn't make it downstairs for dinner and had to eat by the laptop (watching Kung Fu Panda).

and then the weird mouth shit. I get these strange pregnant lady urges for shitty chocolate or japanese food, but indian food causes my entire stomach to rechurn and water tastes awful.

so that was surprisingly pleasant. the worst part is they have to flush the port with saline and you can taste it, but it was relatively painless and the chemo wasn't even in a bag, it was just a nurse slowly injecting it for like 15 minutes and I only noticed seven minutes in. no doubt in a few minutes I'll have some nausea or something but that wasn't too bad at all.

in better news the doc even said he thinks my throatswelling went down and looks better and that while it's rare for a tumor to shrink so quickly, it's not unheard of, and since the possible cancer symptoms from before (bad breathing, cough, etc) have tapered off to nothing, we might reduce the steroid next week and see if this shit's already dying.

so hooray!

anyways, here's the schedule: today was a 15 minute blio chemo treatment. next tuesday I go in for the same thing. there's a week 4th of july break and then we start the five day course, which while not in the hospital is bascially 9 to 5 sitting there being chemod, which is just not going to be fucking fun at all. blood work will be done regularly as will tests to see how the treatment's going.

atm I feel okay, just a little bloated and high from Atavan. I still got the weird taste stuff going on but honestly, I be doing all right atm!

this is the best news

even though this is just preliminary opinions and things like this it all sounds very good

fuuck At last! some good news! I've been waiting for those for a while now! Keep on truckin' Steel... We will all have a huge welcoming par-tay when this is all over

Sounds like things are going well. I was thinking those short chemo courses were going to be worse since I thought they'd be pretty much the same thing but HARDER FASTER so that's cool it wasn't too bad.

yeah it was just kind of a plunger for 15 minutes, it was really not bad.

anyways that atavan took some effect and I'm getting loopy time to lie down.

and scratch that. I went to lie down and woke up and could FEEL the portocath when I breathed.

back to scared again!

if I'm cured I've got a few years of checking to see if it comes back, but yeah I'm good for gen pop.

if this DOESN'T work though, as I've said before, there's a very intense, very frightening, awful round of chemo and surgery where basically you guys can start honestly start praying for survival as opposed to curing

so this is only a one-time thing then? you're not going to be doing this whole chemo process again if this works?