if there's a needle going in my dick I'm going sterile fuck it.

Eh.

Idk man, think about your prospective children. You could tell them about how their daddy endured a needle going in his nuts just so they could be born. They'd think you're a hero!

Ungh... but just thinking about a needle going in my nuts... owwww.... my left nut wants to kick my imagination's imaginary ass.

Although I don't really know you, I just wish you the best of luck man and hope you get through this fine.

Eh.

Idk man, think about your prospective children. You could tell them about how their daddy endured a needle going in his nuts just so they could be born. They'd think you're a hero!

who ever says something like this to their children

someone who was born to be an epic hero...

going to sperm bank and seeing the doctor for scan results in about...2 or 3 hours. like I said earlier it apparently doesn't matter, but you know it's just a GOOD THING imho if it was just this little baseball over my lung or however big it was. I mean Lance Armstrong had it ALL OVER HIS BODY and while like I said the treatment course doesn't matter CHRIST thats scarier to look at.

Man I hope you win this battle.

I've always loved you, SteelPaladin.

all right so update (I'll edit thread title)

suffered my first big defeat today, I'm afraid. that needle paranoia has unfortunately evolved into a full blown phobia. the sperm thing was fine, I was able to jerk off in the cup. it was REALLY REALLY FUCKING WEIRD though. like there's just all these Playboys on the ground and some kind of bad porn looping on a tv set with headphones and a paper doily on a chair for you to sit and jerk off in. but that wasn't too bad I did that in like five minute (L.O.L.) buttttt

then they said okay bloodwork time and I just couldn't do the needle! I started to pass out. so this is pretty bad, I guess I won't have kids lmao. it's not a big deal, I've always wanted to adopt rather than have my own, but for the first time I failed and felt some genuine misery. kind of sucks, honestly I was a little broken for a while.

but the irrelevant good news: bone scan revealed nothing in the bone, and CAT shows nothing anywhere else. yaaay too bad it never mattered to begin with. we also finally got him to admit there is a second cycle of chemo if this fails so I've got at least another year of life, haha. that one is when they do such intense chemo they gotta replace your bone marrow. crazy shit.

otherwise, we decided a few things.

1. because of my new crippling IV fear, we're getting a port put in my chest. this is basically just a bump right under the skin you can't really feel and doesn't need to be removed until you're all done. still gross but preferable to vein destruction (ASFDASFDASG dont like talking about this). we're doing that next week Thursday morning at like six.

2. because of the 4th of July weekend, we're starting chemo the week after next instead of next so there's no break and we can aggressively treat it. my hair's supposed to fall out in the third week of treatment too, so look forward to that.

basically I can't help but think of the GW assholes who have always been like "STEEL...NEEDS TO LEARN HUMILITY". y...you win. seriously though the sperm freezing thing kind of ruined me for an hour. I've never liked needles but now I'm apparently really fucked with them huh.

so that's the update so far. I mean, not too much news but we've got a schedule. like I said, the best thing you guys can do is be entertaining and cool in the week of chemo so I can have shit to read and do while I'm just sitting there next to all these old people.

Fucking hell man. I can totally sympathise with needle fear I literally puke when I end up on an IV drip or something.

I will try and write something to entertain you or at least MAKE something. People should make you things. I'm done with exams on Tuesday so I'll see what I can do man.

My friend had some kind of port installed when he had cancer so he always had TUBES under his shirt at school which he got signed by AFI at some gig I seem to remember.

also my brother has a phobia of needles, it's not much fun. It's not really something that's easy to overcome either so I'm glad there are other methods of getting the shit you need inside you

yeah I'm doing the port thing your friend had! its gonna be gross but whatever.

also crumply...you're a staffer...just...*coughs* make me...proud

*falls silent*

shave your head dude. i got my head shaved a couple days ago..... in your honor.

what.





did you really???

dude if you did I might seriously cry don't do that

that's too fucking e-touching!

i also got my head shaved a couple of days ago.

but aside from that steel do your best and never give up! keep us updated

i did get my head shaved. it wasn't really IN YOUR HONOR as i generally keep my hair short but... i was thinking of you..

oh thank god because I gotta tell you that shit puts a lump in my throat.

no one do anything like this you'll make me get all weepy and e-motional...

no one do anything like this you'll make me get all weepy and e-motional...

don't make me do this

seriously, i am going to the hairdresser's tomorrow anyway

i am the kind of guy that would just do this on a whim

its okay to do it on a whim or because you were going to but one of my friends was talking about it irl and it was the first time I cried about the whole thing because that kind of solidarity still tugs at some stupid Precious Moments Figurines part of me I guess.

e-motional...

I want to do it just to see you use this lame word again. I am e-motional, and I listen to e-mocore (it is electronic emo music...it really sucks the goat's balls).