first off I obviously have been in very bad physical condition for about six months, please don't judge how I look too harshly; I'm not a vain person so I'm stating this more so you know just how badly cancer fucks with how you look.
day before the surgery. no smiles here...im gonna be a ghast.
my mom took these pictures, not me, obviously, so shit that I knew people would want to see isn't really in here, but in the bottom left of the picture, if you can see it, is what looks like a thick wire. THATS WHAT WAS IN MY DICK. this is the day after the surgery, where we first realized something weird was going on as I seemed to be moving about half the speed of people who had double lung transplants; the anesthesia had numbed the back muscles so while I was in heavy pain I never noticed the back one till later
cue later. I barely moved after the pain set in. that is not me peacefully sleeping but moaning in pain. my mom took a few other pics but they mostly suck or are of the same thing.
also I told this story to other people but here's a follow up of the atheist thing. as you remember a nurse asked my religion and I said atheist and my mom gave me an evil eye. so about two days after the surgery the pain has really set in and I have to get up to take a shit or something and need the nurse's help and as we move I start screaming and saying "please kill me I can't live like this, why won't they say what's wrong? kill me" (those of you who think I am exaggerating:
fuck you. I don't have the highest physical pain threshold but I almost never used the pain pump or anything until this pain set in; I'm somewhat tough, this pain would just destroy most anyone. keep in mind lance armstrong and I had similar treatments, and he won the Tour de France like seven times, but he still describes the same OH GOD I WANT TO DIE pain).
so I'm saying this because as a mantra it has a soothing effect but it spooks the nurse who turns to my mom and says "can we get a pastor or clergyman for him?"
my mom says "no." and for a second I pause in my pain in astonishment because it seems like she finally respects my beliefs. she then follows it with "we're hindu, you don't have those priests". I blame being in pain for what happened next, because I flipped out and just yelled "FUCK! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS FUCKING DO THIS? I'M IN PAIN YOU'RE STILL SHILLING OUT THIS FUCKING SHIT" and then reached out to try to push her but could not.
im a good son
but seriously ffffff
the cojones. I'm like dying here and she even paused before saying "we're hindu" because she knows I'm not, but she had to throw that in. I'm coming close to being a FUCK ALL RELIGIONS kind of guy here.
remember...jesus preached tolerance of all beliefs...except that atheist guy lol fuck him.
