here's an interpretation for those of you who REALLY want to go out there, and I'm sure this might anger a few people but here goes. the ultimate goal of many eastern faiths is less YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BULLSHIT FUTURE WITH GOD and more the acceptance of nothingness. if we were to go gnostic and into the idea of language as a real tool for triggering mental change, is it possible that an ancient Sanskrit prayer, combined with a mind reeling in despair, could actually unlock something with a single restating?
I would buy this but this happens with MANTRAS, which this is but mantras are repeated. that's how they work. no one says OMMMMM and suddenly goes HOLY FUCK WHAT WAS THAT. they say OOOOOOOOM for hours and hours and years and lifetimes and never achieve enlightenment. there's also the fact I didn't achieve much. I just feel...peaceful when I shouldn't.
but this is still an interpretation and the purely scientific ones aren't satisfying me so!
its time for you to do shrooms.
all that hindu/buddhist/tao/sufi/gnostic stuff makes perfect sense once you have had a taste of what they are talking about. the thing people call god is in the void (maybe god
is the void I dont know), and that is where you find ultimate truth. shrooms, soma, haoma, peyote, meditation, prayer, chant, sayin the rosary whatever you want to call it they are all means to an end. culturally bound vehicles if you will, but ultimately they are all getting at the same thing, and I think it may be spiritually soothing for you to tap into it in a controlled setting
who knows though, I'm sure you've experienced ego-death before, but it may not be a bad idea to revisit some of these neural pathways in search of meaning/healing/whatever (because ultimately all these types of healings have to do with change in mindset anyway so yeah, a powerful experience like that) I guess my recommendation would be to see if theres any Native American church shit goin on anywhere near you, cause their road men have incredible healing powers and I'm not saying that they can make tumor go away, but they can certainly help your mental health for sure
so I guess all I can say is in recommending this path of action I strongly urge the use of good sense and a controlled, safe, comfortable environment and more than likely the presence of some sort of healer or experienced researcher who knows the ins and outs of these things, but you know this already