I have no interest in religion.

fuck off magic underwear.

hmm guys i've never had beef before and i was curious *shoves a burger down someone's throat while trying to hide the fact they work for an angus beef stockpiler*

hell yea fuck off you've been pretty disrespectful and chose to shill bullshit just like dok did earlier and then got huffy when i've repeatedly said NOPE and no one believes your cult hope this helps.

hmm someone whos vulnerable i guess they're also an idiot and won't recognize religious proselytizing! nows my chance ~you, that's what you did, i'm not stupid just possibly dying.

this vid owns

i got a similar kick out when marcus (where did he and nackster go you stupid military guys dont know we worry!!!) was like UGH HES STILL SUCH AN ASSHOLE in the cancer forum.

i mean less in his case but it's like people genuinely want cancer to also make me a different person. aaaaa its a life experience for him.

seriously i'm never going to understand the mentality of when someone asks for something to jump on them and inundate them with beliefs you know in better times they wouldn't accept. i find it kind of disgusting actually. I mean I do it with shit sometimes IE RON PAUL but that's because Ron Paul is hilarious, I prefer to think it'd be more along the lines of when Hobbes or someone asked if he should read the Bible and I said EEEEEHHHH rather than NO ITS GARBAGE TRASH READ THE GOD DELUSION HEH.

someone had a spiritual experience time to turn them to my church just seems so weird instead of saying let's talk about this together as you know this is the internet and lol if you're going to turn to jesus from a fucking post. i just can't get down with that!

whoa oncologist just showe dup an hour early, let's see what he's found!

dude come on, he just wanted a couple extra wives for himself in heaven. give him a fucking break.

shoving religion or your own personal faith is always a shitty thing to do.

Congratulations bro. That really sounds p gangster. It's nice to know you've found some comfort.

edit: holy shit i am 3 pages behind nvm

also guys, I don't see why the hell yall gotta have some big religious debate or whatever in here. Who gives a shit man, it worked for him so it works for him. Big woop.

anyway doesnt that make you agnostic instead of atheist.


lately I've been actually considering calling myself agnostic instead of atheist.

Not because I used to reject god's existence and now I am in doubt.
But because I just realized my position is "not giving a damn about religion" and that's not being in denial, it is just simply... purely... not... giving a damn.

yep, increasing numbers by recruiting dead guys. the thing about being a part of a religion for a long time is it seems really obvious to you, so when someone else is like 'no i don't believe your stuff' it's just sort of bwaaaaaa?
conversely you think people that don't believe it just don't understand it

if there really is a god i bet he likes hamburgers

so he said what i figured; we're aiming for remission not cure. i mean there's always HOPE that it will be permaremission or cure but apparently there's just not good results with this high dose chemo. my cancer is just awful.

on the plus side there's a few other salvage chemos etc that should extend shit a while. he didn't want to say how long though, but he did say actual physicial deterioration would take some time. he also suggested ANTI-DEPRESSANTS idk about that.

still I should plan on living my life as it is not like it's too short but similarly who knows.

so thats that. we're going to see what Bosl says as well, he might know something Einhorn doesn't, but it looks like high dose chemos just showed failure rates for this kind of mediastinal tumor.

who knows what the future holds. I ask this weird thing inside me and it seems to still think we're aiming at cure and I trust it so you know, I am aiming at cure. I'm not a victim. I'm just a guy who unlike other guys, knows he might have a deadline. and if that deadline passes and I live, I get to really experience each day as a blessing, not in a cliche way but every day. that would be pretty spectac.

otherwise I've come to realize I've got things to do, a life to live. granted, it's not the kind I wanted at this point. my grandparents, that hurts. thinking about my mom afterwards if things go south, that REALLY hurts. law school...I don't know anymore. I mean it would keep my mind occupied, it would justify my thought process of cure not remission, but at the same time, it's not so much spending the time I have left as does it behoove me to get a law degree? or could I just focus my attentions on writing a novel or something I know won't be LAW SCHOOL (which is probably stressful?)

stuff I have to think through, and basically thinking out loud. so no, no silver bullet showed up today. I didn't expect one though, and neither should you.

there is always hope. every cancer has been called terminal before and there's always one survivor against the odds, and if anyone can do it I can't shake the intractable feeling I can. I might not. let's be realistic, I probably won't. but I'll keep trying! and if I'm dead in FIVE YEARS or something most of you will be gone from gaming world anyways lmao.

gw dies with you steel...keep fighting...

also, the book thing sounds really nice. i don't know about law school - i know it's like your PLAN 4 LIFE is it really something you want to go for? it's going to be hugely stressful, and if you go for it's basically WELP all you're gonna do for the next couple of years, and you might not even be able finish it. you could do the bucket list thing instead i guess?

you should write a fantasy novel 'the steel paladine' and he fights cancer orcs.

sorry for the excess cheese in the post, but its the only way i can think of putting everything. dude, i know i dont keep up to date with your cancer or post here in often, but it's because im dumb and cant keep up with all of this. i dont know much about your personal life and i doubt you care that much for me (or this post), but i kinda respect you dude and fuck FIVE years, i want you thinking fucking FIFTY (at least). and if you're still at gamingw (sadly for you guys) i'll still be here, i swear im not leaving untill you reach 89 years old and say "fuck this site, im off".

the only realism in your life should be magical realism

If you're going for the TKO better bulk up.

Not but really idk if you're going to a gym or working out or anything, but it's pretty much universally demonstrated that exercise has positive results in.. well.. almost everything, really.

counterpoint: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5dscqcNOGM

ahaha, did you just link to the GODMAKERS? haha

Awesome.


I'm glad you're finding a bit of peace, though, Steel. I remember when I had a dog for like, 8 years, and it was pretty much my best friend. And then we had to put it down, cause it was hurting really bad. It was the saddest thing ever, giving the dog everything it has ever wanted (WANT SOME... COOKIES? HOW ABOUT CAKE, TOO!) and then sending it off to die. Don't think I've ever felt a pain like that before. I was a mess. But my Mom, afterwards, took us all together and she said a prayer, basically asking for comfort. And BAM. Peace. It hurt still, but there was almost a blanket of "It's going to be alright" all around me. I think that's the most religious experience I've ever had. Beyond the part where I wrote down the words "There Is A God".


So, yeah, I'm glad you're finding a bit of comfort man. Who cares where/who it's coming from. I think it's important.