i'm on citilopram, but am unfortunate enogh to be in the 1/3 of people who it makes things worse for. i get wasted on zopiclone or temazipam with booze. i've had depression for over eight years now, and only in the past few months started seeing people about it (uni basically forced me to) and I'm just getting worse. so bad that at times ive made my counsellor speachless, and he's been doing it for 20+ years 
i still wanna score some heroin, but my housemate stops me every time i try and look for it. bitch.
oh god oh god kaworu please do not do heroin. ffffff please don't try to do that. seriously, like, ugh that would be the worst decision you could possibly make.
i don't know if you remember but 2 years ago i made a topic about how i almost lost my sister to an overdose. she was a heroin addict. at the time i thought she was recovered, because she was going to narcotics anonymous meetings and whatnot... but then in the morning before i went to school one day in 9th grade, my mom told me gravely that my sister was in the hospital and she was probably going to die. my mom rushed out to the hospital to see her and i chose to go to school. but trying to distract myself was useless, and i ended up having a breakdown in school that day. that was a horrible day.
nobody should do heroin. it's pretty much the most damaging and most addicting thing you can do to yourself. it's horrible. man, if there is anything i can convince you of, please let it be that you should NOT get involved with heroin. i've seen firsthand the damage it does to individuals AND to the people around them. the 2 years where my sister was dealing with drug addiction were some of the toughest years i've had to face as well. thinking about mortality isn't really fun. man, i don't think you realize how bad it would be to do heroin. please don't talk about it so casually; i hope you'll realize that it's nothing to ever consider.
now, i have some good news and advice for you! first off, it's good to know that you've only been working with medications and treatments for the past few months. you're very early into this process, so you can have some hope that things will improve. i've had depression and anxiety my entire life, as it runs in the family... and it was aggravated by continued childhood trauma. i didn't start dealing with any of that stuff until i was 13 years old and already deep into self-destruction. but now i'm 16, and i'm a far different person than i was back then! i've changed for the better, and the worse, and the better. dealing with depression is a long process. it's no wonder that you're feeling miserable, because you've lived so long untreated. that means that things are going to start getting better. sometimes things have to get worse before they get better, but they always DO get better. so if you're feeling so low now, there's nowhere to go but up!
as far as medication... ah, citalopram? an SSRI. that's usually a good place to start for depression meds. why did it "make things worse"? sometimes people have difficulty with SSRIs because they can develop Serotonin syndrome, but that's rare. certainly not 1/3 of those who use them. i had a lot of success with Paxil/paroxetine in the beginning of my treatment, but i was on it too long and became physically addicted. coming off of it was the worst continued physical and mental experience i've ever had to deal with, and suicidal thoughts were rampant. but still, i don't regret taking it. it did me a lot of good for a long time! and now that i got through that tough time of coming down from my meds, i feel much better. and i feel stronger and prouder for surviving it all.
also, insomnia drugs are dumb. it's 5:52am and i'm awake because i can't sleep, but i wouldn't take drugs for it. use your waking hours to be productive. meh. i think the best medical philosophy is that if you can survive without something, then do so. people with diabetes take insulin because they can't survive with it. people with depression take medicine when they can't survive without it. but there's a whole variety of minor problems that people take medicine for when they don't need it. if it's not going to kill you, see if you can fight it. mind over matter, man!
EDIT: jamie some of your post is good but yeah it's hard to understand this depression stuff if you haven't experienced it. i know that stuff like what kaworu is saying can seem inane and juvenile but that's what extreme loneliness and sadness does to you. cynicism and sarcasm take over all communication. you start to see others as enemies just for trying to keep you alive. everyone goes through tough times but having depression makes it ridiculously hard to even try to get through them. like... in experiments, depressed dogs would rather sit and be electrically shocked to death than jump over a fence into safety, as the "normal" dogs did. that's how it is with people too. so having that mindset can affect a lot of things, including your ability to think logically and speak appropriately. it makes people seem pitiful when you hear them saying stuff that sounds like boasting about being an addict, and wanting to kill themselves even though it's selfish. for a lot of people, stuff like that just requires a friend to say "HEY! you sound like an idiot and nobody wants to hear your whining! let's go do something fun!" and a normal person says "yeah you're right, i was just being dumb. thanks for waking me up from that." but for people with depression and anxiety (especially anxiety for me personally), your response to that sort of motivation would be "ugh, i'm an idiot. why did i say something like that? i can't be seen with this friend now, i'm a pitiful mess. how can i even leave my house? what will people think of me when i can't seem to control my thoughts and words? i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry, i won't trouble anyone anymore. i shouldn't even talk anymore." SO, tough love isn't usually a good approach for people with depression. i've lost friends through thoughts like these... my friends were trying to make me tougher and pick me up, but they didn't realize that i would overanalyze everything.
i wrote more than i intended to there... basically i'm just saying don't be mean and if you want someone to get better then offer a listening ear because kindness is what depressed people need.
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