Attention okay. (Read 166261 times)

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as someone who really didn't like steel very much i feel i need to say i believed he really would beat the cancer and i'm genuinely saddened that he didn't :(
the dude really was the heart of GW and i think GW has the reputation it does because of him. there are other pivotal people here like bart and whoever but steel really was the guy that you think of when you think GW.

this site should be shut down
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I never really knew Steel.  I think the only time that I ever talked to him here was in a topic I made once and the extent of the conversation was something shallow and that's it.  But I've been around here for a while -- I've seen a lot of the thing he posted, and like someone in the 90 pages of this thread said, he was fucking brilliant.  Funny.  Clever.  The guy had a lot going for him.  To be honest, I've always thought of him as something of a celebrity.  And deep down, somewhere, I've always wanted to talk to him, and try and prove myself to him, or just listen to what he had to say. 

But christ.  I barely knew the guy, and it still fucken feels weird; empty.  I hope that his family and friends are going to be okay, and I wish them the best. 

RIP Steel, I always thought you were a pretty cool guy.
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Wow, this makes me feel horrible on so many levels.

I consider Steel to be one of my really great pals on GW. I talked to him on the phone a few times, and AIM many times. I learned so much from him.

I regret passing up the opportunity to meet and hang out with him, but man.

He is in my prayers :(​.
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The last time I looked at this topic everything seemed good. And I saw Steel on IRC and on the forums a lot and I thought it was all over.

Then now this morning I saw this.


I was not close with Steel. I was more of the kind of person that looked from the sidelines. But he was behind some of the greater community efforts around here.


Goddamn man, writing this I tear up and I didn't even know the guy half as well as most of you people... Goddamn...



Goddamn.
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Well put it this way. I had to gather my thoughts to even attempt to argue with Steel. And when I felt I won I felt good. I can not say that about any other member here. I did not think I would be posting here anytime soon but I guess this is a good reason for sure.

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Quote
jonN
man, thank you for sharing that. it's comforting to know that he died peacefully.

i don't know much about his private life but from the very beginning here in GW he was an idol to me. i was a shy, self-hating, depressed teenager and he helped me to grow up tremendously as a independent person. i never knew why we held me in such high esteem (or did he?!?) but i'm grateful for it. god i loved that guy. :(
 
i met him in NY with couple of other guys from GW. i'm from finland and i was on my high school graduation trip. even though he looked weary from EVERYTHING he had to endure through that year, he was very lively and immediate. like chef said here, it just didn't occur that evening that he was there exclusively for TREATMENT and not for the meeting.

last time we spoke was in the NY subway. i shook his hands and spoke my mind out about that evening, thanking him for the great night. we departed content.
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:(
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Fuuuuck fuck fuck fuck. I don't post on GW very often at all, but I lurk a fair bit. I read Steel's articles and always enjoyed his posts. I honestly don't know what to say, this has been on my mind all day now. He was so clever and always knew his shit and I genuinely admired him. I only actually spoke to him like once or twice, in fairly unexciting topics. All I ever really did were READ THE GUY'S POSTS and he still made me want to try to be a better person than dirty rpgmaker nerd #12823, as someone said earlier. Aaaaargh, this is really shit. RIP Steel. : (
Last Edit: November 06, 2009, 02:46:55 pm by Eike
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Rest in Peace, Steel :(
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jesus it just occured to me that this man who made such an impact on me and who i spent all of yesterday being terribly sad about, i didn't even know the real name of until yesterday.  wow.  to be able to make that kind of a difference without even knowing that, steel was truly an amazing dude :<
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 I've never talked to steel before, but I lurked quite a bit and read a lot of his post's. I do'nt know what to say... Rest in peace Steel
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RIP Steel, sorry it took me so long to post in this thread.. I've looked through here a couple times and it just makes me feel sad that we wont be hearing from you anymore.
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It just feels so...sudden. I mean he was pretty ok from the last time we heard of him. I mean, I don't even know what to say.

I never spoke to him, but his posts were pretty awesome. I loved his stories, and I loved reading him argue. I never really exchanged a word with him (besides one time I think I said something stupid and he corrected me). I always admired him as a person, and he's honestly the kind of guy I'd aim to be. Lively, intelligent, charismatic, funny. I mean, its weird that I can even react to this in this way, but just reading srendi's post just left me confused.

It just seems so surreal. It doesn't feel right at all. I know you guys are probably like "who the fuck r u whoa" but even though it is weird, it sort of put me in a bad mood yesterday when I found out. And I couldn't stop thinking about it. It's just not fair.

I mean, we got through this whole thread and it honestly kept going like "Cancer's back, but steel defeats it!". I honestly never thought he'd end up losing to it. It just seemed like that cool, exuberant guy from the internet would be able to best it. And like, this thread sort of brought more up. Like he had a future planned out. He wanted to go to law school after kicking cancer's ass.

And god, I just feel pretty horrid for his mom too. I mean, her husband died of cancer, and the whole time it affected her throughout steel's sickness. I mean, for him to end up losing to this must be fucking devastating. I can't even imagine the pain she feels right now.


I know this post isn't very helpful. And everyone's trying to remember the good stuff and whatnot, but I just can't really get over it for some reason. It's bothering me. It's not right. I know this is how the world works...I've known it forever. People get what they get, whether they deserve it or not. But even now, it just doesn't make sense.  I guess it never really does.

Well, my heartfelt feelings go out to everyone who reads this thread. I only wish I could have actually gotten to know him really, because he sounds like he was a great role model. To me he was one of the reasons I kept coming back all these years.

Welp. Got nothing else to say for now.
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i feel kinda late in here, but RIP dude. im sure he'd appreciate all this
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I haven't been following this in a while, but RIP steelpaladine :(
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I still can't think of anything intelligent to say, but goddamn, I can't even fathom what his family is going through.

I really, really, really thought he was going to beat it, and the whole thing would become an anecdote that he'd use as a source of inner strength and motivation. "I kicked cancer's ass, there's nothing that can stop me," or something like that. That was probably just wishful thinking on my part.

Worse yet, he was someone who was actually gonna do something with his life. No one should have to go through cancer, especially not someone as young as him, but the fact that he was trying to make a difference in the world makes the whole thing that much more infuriating.  I mean hell, look at this topic. Look at all the shit he went through. It isn't right.
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I'm a friend of Amark's. I lived in the same dorm with the guy and have known him since sophmore year of college. The first time I met Amark was in the lounge of my dorm, an RA was putting on a program down there and in the middle of the program Amark started spouting out some Mitch Hedburg lines. Everyone there thought he was crazy. But I soon started spouting off some Hedburg lines back at him. That's when I knew that I've met a great friend. A friend that didn't really care about normality and niceties.

Throughout my time with him he pulled me through doubts about life, job losses, breakups, and a slew of other problems. The man had a way of telling you the honest truth in both a comforting and visceral way. He cared about each and everyone in such a deep way that I can't even fathom. And Amark was just so god damn intelligent. I'm in here stumbling upon my words, while Amark could pull out poetry without even having to press the backspace key. I always admired how he could talk to you about anything, no subject was off limits. There was no fear of crossing a boundary with Amark.

I was there last night along with a couple of his other friends and his family when he passed. He was in a coma for his last few hours and we were told he could hear everything we were saying. So we told countless stories about how much Amark has changed our lives. The man is an inspiration. I know I would be a much more passive guy, letting the world pull me down, if it wasn't for him. He has taught me, no matter what to be yourself, fight, and really take no shit from anyone. When he did finally pass away you could tell that he was calm and at peace.

Amark always would talk about gamingworld and how much he loved you guys and I'm glad to see how much you all care about him.

man after reading this it's starting to actually seem real. i just can't believe it
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Thanks again for coming here to post that jon, it means a lot to us.
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Can we PLEASE make a memorial for him or at least put a picture of him or something on the main page? I mean, Steel was fucking awesome, he deserves it.

Thanks a lot for the stories Jon
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No words.
He slipped away from me, and I let him go without thinking about it.

He had a painful life, like most of us, but he found ways to persist, as many don't.
He was a good friend, and no one should have to fight as hard as he did.
He helped make me who I am, taught me things, criticized me, and offered me support when I was in shards.
He made me laugh, and I was happy to do that same for him. We were pals.
But he did fight, and he acknowledged injustice. He was enraged by it.
And it wasn't just for him. His values and creativity are a rare commodity.
He knew the reasons why the human race is worthless.
He knew that this is why humanity is priceless.
It is too late to say goodbye, and in a way, I did, long ago, the only way possible.
But to the rest of you, I commiserate. His shadow is burned onto the wall.